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In Over Our Heads: The Mental Demands of Modern Life
If contemporary culture were a school, with all the tasks and expectations meted out by modern life as its curriculum, would anyone graduate? In the spirit of a sympathetic teacher, Robert Kegan guides us through this tricky curriculum, assessing the fit between its complex demands and our mental capacities, and showing what happens when we find ourselves, as we so often do, in over our heads. In this dazzling intellectual tour, he completely reintroduces us to the psychological landscape of our private and public lives.A decade ago in The Evolving Self, Kegan presented a dynamic view of the development of human consciousness. Here he applies this widely acclaimed theory to the mental complexity of adulthood. As parents and partners, employees and bosses, citizens and leaders, we constantly confront a bewildering array of expectations, prescriptions, claims, and demands, as well as an equally confusing assortment of expert opinions that tell us what each of these roles entails. Surveying the disparate expert “literatures,” which normally take no account of each other, Kegan brings them together to reveal, for the first time, what these many demands have in common. Our frequent frustration in trying to meet these complex and often conflicting claims results, he shows us, from a mismatch between the way we ordinarily know the world and the way we are unwittingly expected to understand it.In Over Our Heads provides us entirely fresh perspectives on a number of cultural controversies—the “abstinence vs. safe sex” debate, the diversity movement, communication across genders, the meaning of postmodernism. What emerges in these pages is a theory of evolving ways of knowing that allows us to view adult development much as we view child development, as an open-ended process born of the dynamic interaction of cultural demands and emerging mental capabilities. If our culture is to be a good “school,” as Kegan suggests, it must offer, along with a challenging curriculum, the guidance and support that we clearly need to master this course—a need that this lucid and richly argued book begins to meet.
401 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 1994
84 people are currently reading
3421 people want to read
About the author
Robert Kegan
16 books163 followersRobert Kegan is a developmental psychologist, consulting in the area of adult development, adult learning, professional development and organization development.
He taught at Harvard University for 40 years until his retirement in 2016.
The recipient of numerous honorary degrees and awards, his thirty years of research and writing on adult development have contributed to the recognition that ongoing psychological development after adolescence is at once possible and necessary to meet the demands of modern life.
His seminal books, The Evolving Self and In Over Our Heads, have been published in several languages throughout the world.
He taught at Harvard University for 40 years until his retirement in 2016.
The recipient of numerous honorary degrees and awards, his thirty years of research and writing on adult development have contributed to the recognition that ongoing psychological development after adolescence is at once possible and necessary to meet the demands of modern life.
His seminal books, The Evolving Self and In Over Our Heads, have been published in several languages throughout the world.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 52 reviews
February 21, 2014
I picked this book up after a psychologist said it was an incredible read, one that made her do a lot of thinking. She was right; Kegan presents some ideas that I’ve not encountered elsewhere. He proposed that there are stages of human development; this isn’t new, but his idea of what these stages are is new.
His five stages start with very young children in the first order; older children (about 7 to 10 years old) in the second; the third order is teenagers and the majority of adults (most never get past this stage); some adults make it to the fourth order, in which people are capable of analyzing situations and making their own decisions and are self-motivated; and the fifth order is one that almost no one makes it too and if they do, it’s as older adults. This post modern stage sees the big picture; they see the world in shades of gray and find the similarities in different systems.
Some parts of this seem obvious; we already know that babies don’t understand that things happen to things and people when the baby is not looking at them (First order); that children are pretty much in the ‘all for me’ stage (Second order); that by the time we’re in our later teens or early adulthood we (hopefully but not necessarily) understand and take into consideration other peoples (and other groups) feelings. That stage 3 people don’t create their own theories or philosophies isn’t so obvious. Most of their actions would seem to show them as fully mature adults, but he’s right: most of the people I know don’t create their own world view but adapt themselves to the philosophies of others. The 5th stage I haven’t really managed to understand; obviously, I’m not nearly there and I’m not sure I know of anyone who is. Is the 5th stage based on examples, or is it something that Kegan hopes people will eventually evolve to? Who would be considered 5th stage? The Dalai lama?
The book is dense and I found it slow going. I’m generally a fast reader but it took me nearly two weeks to finish this book. Admittedly, it’s written for graduate students and I have no degree whatsoever, but I suspect that no one would find it an easy read. It is, however, very interesting and has given me some new ways to look at people.
His five stages start with very young children in the first order; older children (about 7 to 10 years old) in the second; the third order is teenagers and the majority of adults (most never get past this stage); some adults make it to the fourth order, in which people are capable of analyzing situations and making their own decisions and are self-motivated; and the fifth order is one that almost no one makes it too and if they do, it’s as older adults. This post modern stage sees the big picture; they see the world in shades of gray and find the similarities in different systems.
Some parts of this seem obvious; we already know that babies don’t understand that things happen to things and people when the baby is not looking at them (First order); that children are pretty much in the ‘all for me’ stage (Second order); that by the time we’re in our later teens or early adulthood we (hopefully but not necessarily) understand and take into consideration other peoples (and other groups) feelings. That stage 3 people don’t create their own theories or philosophies isn’t so obvious. Most of their actions would seem to show them as fully mature adults, but he’s right: most of the people I know don’t create their own world view but adapt themselves to the philosophies of others. The 5th stage I haven’t really managed to understand; obviously, I’m not nearly there and I’m not sure I know of anyone who is. Is the 5th stage based on examples, or is it something that Kegan hopes people will eventually evolve to? Who would be considered 5th stage? The Dalai lama?
The book is dense and I found it slow going. I’m generally a fast reader but it took me nearly two weeks to finish this book. Admittedly, it’s written for graduate students and I have no degree whatsoever, but I suspect that no one would find it an easy read. It is, however, very interesting and has given me some new ways to look at people.
August 7, 2016
This book is a mental demand all on its own. The text is overly complicated. It has sentences that go on for paragraphs, and average word length at least double that of many other books. At the chapter level, the structure is easy to follow; within a chapter, the content doesn't seem disorganized so much as it seems like the organization is purposefully hidden. Despite all that, this book is amazing. The content and examples are well worth the effort it takes the read the book.
In Over Our Heads makes the argument that the different sphere's of modern life (romance, parenting, work, etc.) all require a similar method of thinking in order to succeed. This method of thinking, which Kegan calls structural, is fundamentally different that the modes of thought most of us learn in high school and early college (communal, in Kegan's terminology).
The book discusses the structural mode of thought in various spheres of life, giving fictional examples of people dealing with problems in the communal or structural ways. It discusses the difficulties of moving from a communal to structural way of thinking, along with the benefits for doing so.
I found the book fascinating. Many of the struggles that people have in learning structural ways of thinking match experiences I've had in my own life. I found the book to be eye-opening and inspiring. It left me thinking that it was possible to do all the things I love doing with less anxiety and more success by learning the structural way of thinking.
However, this book is not an instructional manual. Kegan is making philosophical arguments about patterns in the ways people think. He's not trying to help people learn to think structurally. The complexity and disorganization of the book also make it difficult to get a really good grasp on differences between different ways of thinking. After reading the book, I'm left with a fuzzy understanding of what it really means to be thinking at a structural level, much less the post-structural level that is mentioned near the end of the book.
This book is a great read for anyone wanting to understand some of the challenges facing people in modern society. It's not a great book for learning to surmount those challenges.
In Over Our Heads makes the argument that the different sphere's of modern life (romance, parenting, work, etc.) all require a similar method of thinking in order to succeed. This method of thinking, which Kegan calls structural, is fundamentally different that the modes of thought most of us learn in high school and early college (communal, in Kegan's terminology).
The book discusses the structural mode of thought in various spheres of life, giving fictional examples of people dealing with problems in the communal or structural ways. It discusses the difficulties of moving from a communal to structural way of thinking, along with the benefits for doing so.
I found the book fascinating. Many of the struggles that people have in learning structural ways of thinking match experiences I've had in my own life. I found the book to be eye-opening and inspiring. It left me thinking that it was possible to do all the things I love doing with less anxiety and more success by learning the structural way of thinking.
However, this book is not an instructional manual. Kegan is making philosophical arguments about patterns in the ways people think. He's not trying to help people learn to think structurally. The complexity and disorganization of the book also make it difficult to get a really good grasp on differences between different ways of thinking. After reading the book, I'm left with a fuzzy understanding of what it really means to be thinking at a structural level, much less the post-structural level that is mentioned near the end of the book.
This book is a great read for anyone wanting to understand some of the challenges facing people in modern society. It's not a great book for learning to surmount those challenges.
March 21, 2022
Kegan is a big name in his field. However, this book is so poorly written that I would recommend people who are interested in his theories look for summary notes. Here is a good video from Youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mW4LT...
Essentially, Kegan is arguing that modernity requires the fourth order of consciousness (definition see the video above) and postmodernity requires the fifth order of consciousness. The idea is interesting - and has implications in psychotherapy and adult education. He also had some innovative observations such as we all grow out of our own "religion" - a term that encompasses worldviews, cognitive biases, ideologies, among others. In this context, a person's first step out of his family and into college means an encounter with "heresies". This inherently demands a person to self-reflect and re-adjust their belief systems.
These are not particularly complex ideas. Thus a competent writer would have conveyed them without confusing the audience. But Kegan is not a competent writer. He jumped from idea to idea, example to example, and used concepts without defining them. In the first couple of chapters, there are probably twenty or thirty concepts that all need proper definition, but he glossed them over - which made the book unnecessarily complicated. In these circumstances - I normally would've given the book one star since such levels of confusion may indicate an author's tendency of bullshitting - that he does not know what he's talking about so he ends up confusing the audience, deliberately. But in this case I think Kegan actually knows what he's talking about. He's just a bad writer.
Sorry Kegan - I was very much annoyed by this reading experience.
Essentially, Kegan is arguing that modernity requires the fourth order of consciousness (definition see the video above) and postmodernity requires the fifth order of consciousness. The idea is interesting - and has implications in psychotherapy and adult education. He also had some innovative observations such as we all grow out of our own "religion" - a term that encompasses worldviews, cognitive biases, ideologies, among others. In this context, a person's first step out of his family and into college means an encounter with "heresies". This inherently demands a person to self-reflect and re-adjust their belief systems.
These are not particularly complex ideas. Thus a competent writer would have conveyed them without confusing the audience. But Kegan is not a competent writer. He jumped from idea to idea, example to example, and used concepts without defining them. In the first couple of chapters, there are probably twenty or thirty concepts that all need proper definition, but he glossed them over - which made the book unnecessarily complicated. In these circumstances - I normally would've given the book one star since such levels of confusion may indicate an author's tendency of bullshitting - that he does not know what he's talking about so he ends up confusing the audience, deliberately. But in this case I think Kegan actually knows what he's talking about. He's just a bad writer.
Sorry Kegan - I was very much annoyed by this reading experience.
March 18, 2008
The follow up to Evolving Self, twenty years later. Read this after Evolving Self.
I found some of the early parts repetitive, and some of the case studies a little too drawn out. It seemed clear to me that his purpose for writing was all tied up in the last few chapters... where he revises the later stages of his system from Evolving Self to allow for this idea of "postmodern consciousness." Which I think is totally fascinating, I'm on it so hard right now. But Kegan's interest in postmodernism seems a bit, er, defensive. He's clearly been called out on constructing a totalistic system. I agree with his defenses, I just don't leave the book feeling like he's got a full handle on the subject. But who does? We should all try to write this book until someone does it better.
I found some of the early parts repetitive, and some of the case studies a little too drawn out. It seemed clear to me that his purpose for writing was all tied up in the last few chapters... where he revises the later stages of his system from Evolving Self to allow for this idea of "postmodern consciousness." Which I think is totally fascinating, I'm on it so hard right now. But Kegan's interest in postmodernism seems a bit, er, defensive. He's clearly been called out on constructing a totalistic system. I agree with his defenses, I just don't leave the book feeling like he's got a full handle on the subject. But who does? We should all try to write this book until someone does it better.
August 11, 2023
The idea of humanity's orders of consciousness needing to evolve to meet the growing cognitive demands of modern life is brilliant. Robert Kegan does a great job of weaving psychological theory with evocative examples of people pulled from therapy experience to make the ideas concrete. As an academic book it gets a little dense and feels both dated and filled with a lot of unnecessary musing as the author wrestles with different domains for applying his ideas and making sense of the postmodern turn in philosophy and social theory of the 1980s and early 1990s.
This is probably not a book that someone interested in the core ideas would want to read cover to cover like I did. Rather, you should focus on the early parts and pay attention to the tables that help explain the theory of consciousness. You could read a published review or summary to make sure you get any missing context from the remainder of the book. I definitely will be using this theory to understand my own life and also make sense of the trajectory of psychological development of my college students (and my own kids as they grow up).
This is probably not a book that someone interested in the core ideas would want to read cover to cover like I did. Rather, you should focus on the early parts and pay attention to the tables that help explain the theory of consciousness. You could read a published review or summary to make sure you get any missing context from the remainder of the book. I definitely will be using this theory to understand my own life and also make sense of the trajectory of psychological development of my college students (and my own kids as they grow up).
February 3, 2010
Who said our psychological development stopped when we reach 18-20 years old?
Kegan makes the case of the contrary. He uses everyday life examples to illustrate the different stages of development; and he approaches this sensitive topic with a very humane touch.
Definitely a favorite.
Kegan makes the case of the contrary. He uses everyday life examples to illustrate the different stages of development; and he approaches this sensitive topic with a very humane touch.
Definitely a favorite.
December 4, 2012
This is a really dense, heavy book. But it builds on itself on itself in a way that results in a spectacular payoff. It has changed the way I think about intellectual development and personal growth and it has given me new appreciation for my higher education experience.
Want to read
December 6, 2017Some years ago, when I proudly told my father that [The Evolving Self] was being translated into German and Korean, he said, "That's great! Now when is it going to be translated into English?"
May 14, 2025
Adult Development Theory (ADT) is one of the most compelling frameworks I've come across and used in my coaching practice. This is one of the foundational texts to support the theory, but it's dense and took me nearly four months to finish. The general thesis is that the demands of modern life requires higher levels of consciousness to navigate. Kegan lays out the theory as away to think about the consciousness in more detail and complexity.
A few key points:
ADT focuses not just on what we know, but more importantly "how we know"
- "Reflective thinking requires a mental 'place' to stand apart from, or outside of, a durably created idea, thought, fact, or description." (p. 27)
"'Object' refers to those elements of our knowing or organizing that we can reflect on, handle, look at, be responsible for, relate to each other, take control of, internalize, assimilate, or otherwise operate on... Subject refers to those elements of our knowing or organizing that we are identified with, tied to, fused with, or embedded in. We have object; we are subject." (32)
"... making what was subject into object so that we can 'have it' rather than 'be had' by it..." (34)
"If I were asked to stand on one leg, like Hillel, and summarize my reading of centuries of wise reflection on what is required of any environment for it to facilitate the growth of its members, I would say this: people grow best where they continuously experience an ingenious blend of support and challenge; the rest is commentary." (42)
"Insight cannot be taught or learned, but the consciousness that gives rise to insight can be developed." (128)
"If we are focused on seeking others' approval... then we run the risk of sacrificing our integrity... for the sake of finding the most poplar path." - Peter Block in Empowered Manager
The word education is built out of the Latin prefix ex plus the verb ducere ("to lead") and suggests a "leading out from." While training increases the fund of knowledge, education leads us out of or liberates us from one construction or organizing of mind in favor of a larger one." (164)
"Psychologists tell us that the greater source of growth and development is the experience of difference, discrepancy, anomaly." (210)
"David Bakan called this 'the duality of human experience,' they yearnings for 'communion' and 'agency.'"
"... the pain cannot be turned to, or turned on, until the self has become separate from its story, until the story has become object, until the self is no longer subject to the third order." (259)
to be "vulnerable to discovering another world within" oneself (312)
... "conflict is potentially a reminder of our tendency to pretend to completeness when we are in fact in fact incomplete. We may have this conflict because we need it to recover our truer complexity." (319)
"The successful leader.. must combine two talents: an ability to craft and communicate a coherent vision, mission, and purpose; and an ability to recruit people to take out membership in, ownership of, or identification with that vision, mission, or purpose." - Heifetz and Sinder (332)
"I am standing up for something right now, for the importance of our suffering through this inevitably frustrating and awkward process of cobbling together a collectively crated plan for getting where we want to go. And once we have the plan, you know what? I'll want to lead by continuing to stand up for the likelihood of its incompleteness, and for our need to keep seeking the contradictions by which it will be nourished and grow." (323)
First part of postmodern is "the rejection of absolutes."
A few key points:
ADT focuses not just on what we know, but more importantly "how we know"
- "Reflective thinking requires a mental 'place' to stand apart from, or outside of, a durably created idea, thought, fact, or description." (p. 27)
"'Object' refers to those elements of our knowing or organizing that we can reflect on, handle, look at, be responsible for, relate to each other, take control of, internalize, assimilate, or otherwise operate on... Subject refers to those elements of our knowing or organizing that we are identified with, tied to, fused with, or embedded in. We have object; we are subject." (32)
"... making what was subject into object so that we can 'have it' rather than 'be had' by it..." (34)
"If I were asked to stand on one leg, like Hillel, and summarize my reading of centuries of wise reflection on what is required of any environment for it to facilitate the growth of its members, I would say this: people grow best where they continuously experience an ingenious blend of support and challenge; the rest is commentary." (42)
"Insight cannot be taught or learned, but the consciousness that gives rise to insight can be developed." (128)
"If we are focused on seeking others' approval... then we run the risk of sacrificing our integrity... for the sake of finding the most poplar path." - Peter Block in Empowered Manager
The word education is built out of the Latin prefix ex plus the verb ducere ("to lead") and suggests a "leading out from." While training increases the fund of knowledge, education leads us out of or liberates us from one construction or organizing of mind in favor of a larger one." (164)
"Psychologists tell us that the greater source of growth and development is the experience of difference, discrepancy, anomaly." (210)
"David Bakan called this 'the duality of human experience,' they yearnings for 'communion' and 'agency.'"
"... the pain cannot be turned to, or turned on, until the self has become separate from its story, until the story has become object, until the self is no longer subject to the third order." (259)
to be "vulnerable to discovering another world within" oneself (312)
... "conflict is potentially a reminder of our tendency to pretend to completeness when we are in fact in fact incomplete. We may have this conflict because we need it to recover our truer complexity." (319)
"The successful leader.. must combine two talents: an ability to craft and communicate a coherent vision, mission, and purpose; and an ability to recruit people to take out membership in, ownership of, or identification with that vision, mission, or purpose." - Heifetz and Sinder (332)
"I am standing up for something right now, for the importance of our suffering through this inevitably frustrating and awkward process of cobbling together a collectively crated plan for getting where we want to go. And once we have the plan, you know what? I'll want to lead by continuing to stand up for the likelihood of its incompleteness, and for our need to keep seeking the contradictions by which it will be nourished and grow." (323)
First part of postmodern is "the rejection of absolutes."
November 21, 2009
Brilliant... this book gave me a completely new view on developmental psychology, teaching me to look with much more subtlety, humanity and inclusiveness, dropping many of my negative judgments that arise from my own opinions rather than a truly higher view. It also casts new light on the big question: What is Postmodernism?, suggesting that Postmodernism is more a transition between Modernism and what-comes-after-Modernism, which we haven't sufficiently sorted out yet. This creates a much more spacious picture, while at the same time keeping a very clear view of the problematic sides of deconstructionalism.
May 12, 2008
Really enjoyed this book particularly because I got to take his class at the same time. Anything that felt a bit dense could be discussed.
I enjoyed how I could relate 'orders of consciousness' to people in my life and kind of guess where they were at (and where I am at). In any case, it helped me realize how I (heh) make meaning and create my world and how others are doing the same. Basically the book made me more open/understanding to people in my life who generally frustrate and disappoint me. Not that they've stopped doing that, but I've stopped viewing it in the same way.
I enjoyed how I could relate 'orders of consciousness' to people in my life and kind of guess where they were at (and where I am at). In any case, it helped me realize how I (heh) make meaning and create my world and how others are doing the same. Basically the book made me more open/understanding to people in my life who generally frustrate and disappoint me. Not that they've stopped doing that, but I've stopped viewing it in the same way.
February 1, 2008
It is pretty dense, but it is the book that changed my life and opened my eyes to being truly self-reflexive. This is another book that no one should get married, have kids or start a career without going through. It'll just make things a lot clearer, I think. Really well written. I give it four stars because it's not the most accessible book for everyone. But if you get yourself to stick through it, your life will change.
January 27, 2015
Kegan is an outstanding communicator of relatively complex research on adult developmental processes. He makes the case that the modern world is requiring an ability to handle complexity that is difficult for many of us, and thus that we need to continue to grow in our capacity to be inclusive in our thinking and behaviors. I highly recommend this book for people who are serious about understanding the modern world and how we can relate to it effectively.
November 6, 2014
A dense and convoluted approach to constructive-developmental theory. There must be better resources that involve less of the author's ego.
March 12, 2017
I'm still thinking a lot about this book. The model presented here has provided a new way for me to understand just about everything I deal with in life.
November 13, 2019
Not everyone will be interested or benefitted from discussing a more workable model of adult development.
To self-assess how beneficial these topics are for you, read the next few, brief excerpts. If these interest you, go on to read the review and/or check out the links the excerpts are from.
Summary excerpts ~
Einstein: We cannot solve the problems we have created from the level or order of thinking from which they were created (paraphrase).
Orders of Consciousness—The Most Important Idea In the World (That No One Knows About) ...
Dr. Kegan says, “We have not really fully metabolized the notion that adulthood itself is a period of development.”
In other words, human development isn’t just for kids and moody teenagers—rather, it’s a life-long journey. This is the missing piece of the puzzle, the all-important Rosetta Stone we need in order to make sense of our 21st-century world, to find solutions for our most pressing global problems, and to communicate those solutions in a way that more people can actually understand and support. ...
Dr. Kegan identifies two different kinds of postmodernism—one that is largely deconstructive, nihilistic, and rabidly non-hierarchical, and one that is reconstructive, integrative, and holarchical.
The former is constitutionally opposed to the very notion of big pictures [wherein a value or moral evaluation is possible and encouraged], and is largely responsible for the overall lack of developmental perspectives in our culture. ...
https://integrallife.com/over-our-heads/
Everyone Culture: A Radical New Model for Work, Career, and Leadership
Robert Kegan and Ken Wilber
https://integrallife.com/everyone-cul...
"Part 1: How To Be An Adult— Kegan’s Theory of Adult Development" by Natali Morad
https://medium.com/@NataliMorad/how-t...
Also: Kegan like Ken Wilbur, employs an intellectual rhetoric about spirituality which does not yet incorporate much iNtuitive Feeling.
Podcast with Robert and Ken. At about minute 10 Ken describes how he begins introducing and drawing out the ideas from a new live classroom audience - https://www.reddit.com/r/Integral/com...
End of summary excerpts ~
Review:
This book deconstructs adult development to reveal as much potential for adults to grow and transform as we already ascribe to children's development.
That's the good news.
The bad news? Don't you hate it when innovative, breakthru psychology ideas are expressed in inaccessible prose?
Apparently no editor was consulted at all on this book. His conclusions, tho intricate and needing explication, are often completely obscured by pages and pages of insightful yet joyless verbiage from research or God knows where. The trees overwhelm the forest so the overall points are lost.
We want new useful ideas to get to Cultural Creatives, who have at least a sense of iNtuitive Feeling. These are the folks who can take new ideas manifest them locally to benefit others. Prose presentation like this is a barrier to useful ideas getting to Cultural Creatives.
If you, Dear Reader, are anything besides an academic psychology professor, these endless pages of 300 word paragraphs, are going to make YOU feel "in over your head."
From youtube videos, Kegan seems like a nice guy who is genuinely insightful and trying to help. A shame no editor took this in hand and made a readable book out of it.
The hulking imponderability of the insightful yet overwhelmingly intellectual-abstract writing may have its own explanation. Published in 1995, this was the era of peak deconstructionism - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deconst...
I think in 2019 90% or more of this dark cloud in academic history has passed over. Arguing over non-hierarchical interpretations of texts became passe after 2008 and the Trumpian moment. Our pressing needs now are to articulate clear human values and healthy moral outrage.
Unless you're being paid to learn Kegan's ideas, try the links above and the Youtube cartoon versions. There's real value here. How his ideas articulate with other Progressive psychology is NOT explored in this book much.
To self-assess how beneficial these topics are for you, read the next few, brief excerpts. If these interest you, go on to read the review and/or check out the links the excerpts are from.
Summary excerpts ~
Einstein: We cannot solve the problems we have created from the level or order of thinking from which they were created (paraphrase).
Orders of Consciousness—The Most Important Idea In the World (That No One Knows About) ...
Dr. Kegan says, “We have not really fully metabolized the notion that adulthood itself is a period of development.”
In other words, human development isn’t just for kids and moody teenagers—rather, it’s a life-long journey. This is the missing piece of the puzzle, the all-important Rosetta Stone we need in order to make sense of our 21st-century world, to find solutions for our most pressing global problems, and to communicate those solutions in a way that more people can actually understand and support. ...
Dr. Kegan identifies two different kinds of postmodernism—one that is largely deconstructive, nihilistic, and rabidly non-hierarchical, and one that is reconstructive, integrative, and holarchical.
The former is constitutionally opposed to the very notion of big pictures [wherein a value or moral evaluation is possible and encouraged], and is largely responsible for the overall lack of developmental perspectives in our culture. ...
https://integrallife.com/over-our-heads/
Everyone Culture: A Radical New Model for Work, Career, and Leadership
Robert Kegan and Ken Wilber
https://integrallife.com/everyone-cul...
"Part 1: How To Be An Adult— Kegan’s Theory of Adult Development" by Natali Morad
https://medium.com/@NataliMorad/how-t...
Also: Kegan like Ken Wilbur, employs an intellectual rhetoric about spirituality which does not yet incorporate much iNtuitive Feeling.
Podcast with Robert and Ken. At about minute 10 Ken describes how he begins introducing and drawing out the ideas from a new live classroom audience - https://www.reddit.com/r/Integral/com...
End of summary excerpts ~
Review:
This book deconstructs adult development to reveal as much potential for adults to grow and transform as we already ascribe to children's development.
That's the good news.
The bad news? Don't you hate it when innovative, breakthru psychology ideas are expressed in inaccessible prose?
Apparently no editor was consulted at all on this book. His conclusions, tho intricate and needing explication, are often completely obscured by pages and pages of insightful yet joyless verbiage from research or God knows where. The trees overwhelm the forest so the overall points are lost.
We want new useful ideas to get to Cultural Creatives, who have at least a sense of iNtuitive Feeling. These are the folks who can take new ideas manifest them locally to benefit others. Prose presentation like this is a barrier to useful ideas getting to Cultural Creatives.
If you, Dear Reader, are anything besides an academic psychology professor, these endless pages of 300 word paragraphs, are going to make YOU feel "in over your head."
From youtube videos, Kegan seems like a nice guy who is genuinely insightful and trying to help. A shame no editor took this in hand and made a readable book out of it.
The hulking imponderability of the insightful yet overwhelmingly intellectual-abstract writing may have its own explanation. Published in 1995, this was the era of peak deconstructionism - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deconst...
I think in 2019 90% or more of this dark cloud in academic history has passed over. Arguing over non-hierarchical interpretations of texts became passe after 2008 and the Trumpian moment. Our pressing needs now are to articulate clear human values and healthy moral outrage.
Unless you're being paid to learn Kegan's ideas, try the links above and the Youtube cartoon versions. There's real value here. How his ideas articulate with other Progressive psychology is NOT explored in this book much.
April 20, 2023
Excellent book.
Kegan focuses on the challenges of navigating complex personal and professional environments and explores how individuals can develop greater complexity and flexibility in their thinking to better manage these challenges. Although the book was published in 1994, I wonder if there are more recent psychology theories that offer better predictions and explanations of human development. However, the concept of an evolving self is still relevant and compelling for readers to consider.
The book is divided into four unequal chapters discussing the modern demands of being "in over our heads." Hence, the title is "In Over Our Heads." The first chapter discusses the modern demands of adolescents and gives ways to navigate the cultural curriculum.
The rest of the book deals with adult life. The second chapter discusses the two mental demands of private life: parenting and partnering. Some of the phrases from the book that I found compelling were about parenting practices: "Institute a vision of leadership. Manage boundaries. Set limits."
It turns out that parents are effective at setting constraints on their children but are reluctant to establish healthy boundaries on themselves, seeking emotional sustenance from children when the partner is rejected, denying themselves leadership solutions that may come from the young, communicating with the partner through children, and sharing financial data with children. We preserve healthy boundaries between parents and children by setting limits on ourselves.
The third chapter deeply analyzes the mental demands of our professional life and provides methods for managing our public life.
The last chapter describes the mental demands of being "in over our heads" regarding postmodern life, where we are expected to be knowledge producers. It explains the expectations surrounding the nature of conflict, leadership, and creation of knowledge.
I give the book a rating of 4 out of 5. If you want to understand the challenges of the modern world and how to move through and beyond them, this is the book.
Kegan focuses on the challenges of navigating complex personal and professional environments and explores how individuals can develop greater complexity and flexibility in their thinking to better manage these challenges. Although the book was published in 1994, I wonder if there are more recent psychology theories that offer better predictions and explanations of human development. However, the concept of an evolving self is still relevant and compelling for readers to consider.
The book is divided into four unequal chapters discussing the modern demands of being "in over our heads." Hence, the title is "In Over Our Heads." The first chapter discusses the modern demands of adolescents and gives ways to navigate the cultural curriculum.
The rest of the book deals with adult life. The second chapter discusses the two mental demands of private life: parenting and partnering. Some of the phrases from the book that I found compelling were about parenting practices: "Institute a vision of leadership. Manage boundaries. Set limits."
It turns out that parents are effective at setting constraints on their children but are reluctant to establish healthy boundaries on themselves, seeking emotional sustenance from children when the partner is rejected, denying themselves leadership solutions that may come from the young, communicating with the partner through children, and sharing financial data with children. We preserve healthy boundaries between parents and children by setting limits on ourselves.
The third chapter deeply analyzes the mental demands of our professional life and provides methods for managing our public life.
The last chapter describes the mental demands of being "in over our heads" regarding postmodern life, where we are expected to be knowledge producers. It explains the expectations surrounding the nature of conflict, leadership, and creation of knowledge.
I give the book a rating of 4 out of 5. If you want to understand the challenges of the modern world and how to move through and beyond them, this is the book.
November 6, 2018
Sometimes plodding and difficult to penetrate, with a strange meandering segue into how to reframe sex for teenagers with an adult development lens (?!) but overall a very worthwhile read even for the sections alone that frame expectations for adults in the modern world. The academic nature made some sentences necessitate 2-4 re-reads before they made a lick of sense, but there were some very insightful bits providing a perspective on the demands of parenting, partnering, and working on adults' sense-making frameworks, and how we communicate them. I'm glad I read Learning on the Job first because the articulation of adult development was crisper there, and helped me get through the denser sections of this. Still, a really interesting exploration of what our "culture curriculum" is demanding of adults in the modern era, and how we effectively learn that curriculum -- or don't.
May 28, 2019
This book is heavy with information in regards to cognitive orders of thinking. There are 5 levels and this book delves into each one and how our society sets us up for failure by expecting far too much of us far too soon. It covers the way our brains work as adolescence; parenting and juggling that act by having a relationship; working and self expression; and conflict resolution within our developmental stages. There is an abundance of knowledge stored within the pages about relationships and the way we interact in our culture and the constant balance we are in to meet expectations in our different roles.
This book changed the way I thought about brains and teenagers. A must read for any parent or anyone working with teenagers for sure. Also great for pushing yourself and other adults to the next level of independence.
This book changed the way I thought about brains and teenagers. A must read for any parent or anyone working with teenagers for sure. Also great for pushing yourself and other adults to the next level of independence.
February 22, 2021
This book has an important central idea - that our culture places complex demands on us throughout our lives, and as adults we try to develop a consciousness to deal with that complexity.
Chapters cover an ambitious array of life domains and social scientific literature. However, I did feel the book could have been considerably shortened and simplified in how it explores and repeats the same central messages.
The later chapters are complex on modernism versus postmodernism, but they do end the book on an intriguing note about how complex our mental lives will be expected to be in the 21st century, and whether, as we live longer than we did a century ago, we will use the extra years to master that complexity to a greater degree.
This book is particularly useful on education, therapy, relationships, workplace relations, psychology and adult development.
Chapters cover an ambitious array of life domains and social scientific literature. However, I did feel the book could have been considerably shortened and simplified in how it explores and repeats the same central messages.
The later chapters are complex on modernism versus postmodernism, but they do end the book on an intriguing note about how complex our mental lives will be expected to be in the 21st century, and whether, as we live longer than we did a century ago, we will use the extra years to master that complexity to a greater degree.
This book is particularly useful on education, therapy, relationships, workplace relations, psychology and adult development.
October 30, 2024
Robert Kegan's development stages are **great**, but the book is a bit *boring*. Could have been a quarter of its size, to be honest; it contains a lot of stories. I ended up reading it mostly by asking a notebook LLM to generate summaries for each chapter.
For those looking to get into Kegan, here are some good starts:
* [Developing Ethical, Social, and Cognitive Competence](https://vividness.live/developing-eth...)
* [Misunderstanding Stage Theory](https://meaningness.com/misunderstand...)
* [How to Be an Adult: Kegan’s Theory of Adult Development](https://medium.com/@NataliMorad/how-t...)
* [Wikipedia: The Evolving Self](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_...)
For those looking to get into Kegan, here are some good starts:
* [Developing Ethical, Social, and Cognitive Competence](https://vividness.live/developing-eth...)
* [Misunderstanding Stage Theory](https://meaningness.com/misunderstand...)
* [How to Be an Adult: Kegan’s Theory of Adult Development](https://medium.com/@NataliMorad/how-t...)
* [Wikipedia: The Evolving Self](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_...)
December 29, 2025
You read this book and, despite every intention, you end up thinking like Kegan, using his terminology, assessing the world through his system. He has many arguments, and you don't need to accept or understand every one of them. But what I love about this text is its capacity to address developmental psychology in a way that is wide ranging and applicable to every sphere of life, allowing you to pin down distinctions that seemed impossible to categorize without the language he makes possible. It can be a dense read, and it circles itself, regularly revisiting and reiterating. But by drinking deeply from its waters, you'll feel able to engage in his world (and possibly yours) in a new way.
Most books don't make me feel like that.
Most books don't make me feel like that.
December 20, 2019
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November 9, 2020
I love the concepts discussed but found the journey at bit long for what was discussed. I think it is interesting to consider Kegan's concepts of orders of consciousness in the context of eastern philosophy and enlightenment.
The discussion of postmodernism being misrepresented in counter ideologies I thought was great to consider. Still much to digest from this one. I wouldn't recommend it to just anyone, but I think it would be interesting for anyone who wants a different take on psychological development that is willing to work through some abstract language.
The discussion of postmodernism being misrepresented in counter ideologies I thought was great to consider. Still much to digest from this one. I wouldn't recommend it to just anyone, but I think it would be interesting for anyone who wants a different take on psychological development that is willing to work through some abstract language.
June 30, 2019
In 350 pages I just couldn't get into this book. It's about five orders of consciousness and how we're catching up to the demands needed to distinguish between various schools of thought and philosophical systems for ordering our post-modern world. I leave open that I may be too caught up in my own fourth-order thinking or that maybe this just wasn't the right book at this time. I found it took a long time to make its points and even a long time to sufficiently explain the core concept.
January 31, 2023
This is really great! Good practical description of Kegans theory. Not much new content compared to “the evolving self” but described in a more practical way with examples that are easy to understand and relate to your own live. Much better written than “the evolving self”. I would have wished for a bit more content on the 5th order.
December 20, 2021
Can be a little dense and academic at times, but the first 5 ish chapters are chock full of very powerful insights. Is the way we construct our reality sufficient to handle the many demands of our lives?
December 1, 2017
gimmie around a decade to process what i read in this book and figure out how it affected my personal understanding but spoilers it did
January 22, 2018
The first two parts are very good.
The last three parts miss context, purpose and content to make any sense to me.
I only rate the parts I understood.
The last three parts miss context, purpose and content to make any sense to me.
I only rate the parts I understood.
June 6, 2018
Very enlightening book about what the hidden expectations are of one to better communicate, perform and act in present society.
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