Beat: My Journey Through Abuse and the Holdeman Mennonites

by Hannah Prosser

I was born to an abusive doctor named Ahaz in Kentucky, homeschooled and not even allowed to have friends. When I was nine, Ahaz discovered The Church of God in Christ, Mennonite (Holdeman) in Tennessee, and he forced us to move there.The Holdeman's were religious exempt from education beyond the eighth grade, and I was beat for begging to go to a high school.As a minor, I had to kiss approximately 200 different people on the lips, some of whom were complete strangers, for the sake of something called The Holy Kiss; only it didn't feel holy.Ahaz determined to break my independent, inquisitive nature through severe beatings and worse, including deadbolting me within my bedroom and nailing my windows shut.Multiple Holdeman Mennonites were aware of what was being done to me, yet no one reported it. Instead, I was made out to be mentally ill; a liar.After years of suffering through emotional, physical, physiological and sexual abuse, how could I even survive?No one could hear me then... will YOU hear me now?

Genres: Memoir

312 pages, Kindle Edition

Published May 29, 2021

Reviews

[Effie (she-her) · Rating 1 out of 5]

I was so excited to find this book as an audiobook, only to realise that it has an AI narrator. Impossible to listen.

Authors and memoir writers I beg you, don't do this and don't allow your publishes to do it. There are so many incredible voice actors out there. And honestly, I'd prefer to listen to an audiobook from someone that hasn't done this before in their lives that from an artificial voice that doesn't understand what it reads and has zero emotion. Especially in a memoir as this one.

[Reading With My Cats · Rating 4 out of 5]

Whew. This was a TOUGH read. I hope Hannah is able to find ongoing healing, trauma support and love for the remainder of her life. I gave this book 4 stars because I think it’s SUCH a huge step that she’s taking to tell her story and it’s incredibly important for her to be seen and heard. I do wish there would have been someone to help edit for her because there was a lot of repetition, grammatical and spelling errors that sometimes made it a little hard to decipher what she was trying to say.

[Katie Copenhaver · Rating 2 out of 5]

While this book is so powerful and eye opening to the evil that Hannah endured… it needs a serious overhaul. I almost had to stop reading due to the grammar, unnecessary words, lack of editing, and repetition from chapter to chapter. I think if this story was edited thoroughly, it would be much better!

Also, I understand that everyone handles trauma differently, but the end bothered me. I know she had a hard time discussing what happened and how she was feeling due to being afraid of her father, but then she got mad at others for not helping her. They can’t help you if they don’t know.

[Erin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Powerful

The disgusting, manipulative, hateful torture and abuse perpetrated by a vile and clearly weak, small-minded man is wildly outshone by the power and strength of Hannah surviving and being able to share the truth. Hannah you are amazing. Thank you.

[Kara Beth · Rating 5 out of 5]

I truly commend Hannah for being able to survive what she did and to then write a book about it. The strength, determination, and courage of her is truly astounding and empowering. To know this started in my hometown of Tompkinsville KY and I KNOW the people and places she speaks of in the book is entirely surreal and goes to show you never know what is going on behind closed doors.

The last page of the book is so empowering to read "The truth will still be the truth no matter what others may claim. Speak your truth loudly! You deserve the freedom from abuse. You deserve the right to an education. You deserve so incredibly much! You are amazing! You deserve to be free! Now is the time to fight for your freedom!"

[Callie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a great book, it opens you up to something a lot of people don't understand or don't know what or how to talk about. I just wish she would have gotten relief in her f**** being charged.

[Kaylynn]

Veiled in religion

Wow, I was utterly disgusted about what Hannah went through. It is a good book and shines a light on lives we don't know about. It was well written, however, needs better editing. The errors were everywhere and it became confusing at times as to if she meant to repeat things etc.

[Rebecca Zimmerman · Rating 5 out of 5]

I also grew up Holdeman Mennonite and this woman's story is definitely possible. I know of others that asked for help from the minister staff and weren't believed or the victim was forced to forgive, the abuser to repent and that was the end of it. They didn't report the abuse, and there are far too many stories like it. The Church of God in Christ Mennonite is a cult!

[Jason Williams · Rating 5 out of 5]

Its shocking to know the horrors that go on behind closed doors. It reminds me of the book A Child Called It.

[Sara · Rating 5 out of 5]

I grew up in the plain circles and this is not uncommon . The plain churches like to cover up these incidents and do their best to keep law enforcement out of it .
The plain community is the perfect place for these heinous crimes to take place because most people find it hard to believe that these “loving , god fearing , wholesome” people would allow this to happen in their churches .

[Nakia · Rating 5 out of 5]

powerful and emotional

I live in this tiny town she mentioned and it has opened my eyes to so much!! There are so many things that she wrote about that she experienced that so many can relate with. Some that have never been brought to light and others that have.

[Cathy · Rating 5 out of 5]

TRUTH be told !

I can’t believe abuse like this still goes on.
I’m glad Hannah fought back.
Hannah, I’m glad I read your book but sorry your life was awful.
God bless you!
I know Christians that were bad!

[Sarah Jayne]

Firstly I would like to acknowledge the author Hannah and say what a truly incredible woman you are for what you've endured in your childhood, a life that was hard enough to read in a book let alone experience first hand. I think you are amazing for coming out the other side and just want to say Im so glad you survived because I know as stated in your book that their were plenty of times where you didn't want to.

This book was a difficult read, reading about how one little girl was so hated by her family - not just one member but all of them. Hannah was taunted, teased, bullied and abused physically, emotionally, spiritually & sexually all with people who were supposed to make her feel safe. Reading this book and not thinking it could get any worse but then it does was aweful. No one protected her, no one come to her aid, not one person in her community, church or friendship group helped this young lady or even recognised the abuse - or if they did they ignored it.

I dont rate bibliography's/memoirs on a scale but I will say that this book was eye opening on so many levels, especially disguised all under religion. I know according to her social media that Hannah is writing a second book and I will be looking forward to reading that as I felt the first book towards the ending was very rushed. We were left with no answers on what happened to Hannah post her foster home, what happened to her father that subjected her to all the abuse? Did he get charged, did he go to prison? What happened to her relationship with her mother and siblings after she was removed from her home. Im hoping the answers will be in book two.

I would also like to say (unsure if this was self published) but there was a lot of grammatical errors in this book and a lot of repetition. I think if the book was condensed a little more with more added to the ending it would have been more preferable.

[Erin McBride · Rating 5 out of 5]

Insightful

Hannah's story is a story of true survivorship. It explains the awful reality of someone living in a truly, bizarrely abusive home. It also explains why people who are living under such abuse can't tell about it, can't ask for help, can't just up and leave. It is a must read for anyone considering working with children in any capacity. I believe it should be required reading for every counselor, therapist, Foster parent, police officer, court officer or paramedic. Every mandatory reporter should have to read this book.

As a paramedic, I have a unique job where I go into people's houses. My eyes are opened so many things that I will now watch for. I hope many more First Responders will read this book. We are in a unique position to see how people live. Imagine how many times the signs of abuse are there for us to see, but we are focused on the reason we were called to the home. We all know that things are not always as they appear at first.

Thank you for this book Hannah. I believe you. I hope your book helps others to understand domestic abuse and to understand why the abused often have such a hard time speaking up. Your book is truly a gift to the world. I hope you find all the peace and joy you deserve.

[Ky · Rating 3 out of 5]

First, I want to say Hannah has been incredibly brave in during her life and while sharing this story. She survived some horrific circumstances. This is the biggest and most important takeaway from this novel.

That being said: this could be so much better! “Beat” reads more like an early draft than a finished book. I truly believe that there is so so much potential for this book. Hannah has an interesting story, a compelling voice, and a great message. Unfortunately, there are some glaring flaws.

I found an issue with some of the repetitive writing. There are many sentences in this book that are synonymous with the last. Some chapters felt exactly the same. While I agree that part of the impact of the trauma is the constant, repetitive abuse, I don’t think that is always why so much of the book is repeating. It’s not a conscious narrative decision. It was painful to get through (especially if you were gritting your teeth through the AI narrator in the audiobook).

I think with refining, this novel could really change and inform a lot more people than it already has.

[Christi Kellogg · Rating 5 out of 5]

So Very Sad and Frightening

It’s inconceivable that a child could be made to go through such horrendous abuse and everyone just turned their heads and did nothing. This is the worst story of abuse I’ve ever read. I’m so glad this young lady had the strength to finally get the help she needed. I hope this book will encourage others in abusive situations to ask for help, but most of all believe that they are worth being free from the abuse.
The author did a tremendous job of telling her story! I so hope she is doing better and learns to truly love herself and to thrive in this world!

[Chris · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found this book after seeing Ms. Prosser on Chris Shelton's Youtube channel a couple of weeks ago. This book is a lot so I can't even fathom what it was like to live through. Even in a world where only half were true, there's not a circle of hell deep enough for Ahaz. My main critique is that this book is in great need of a thorough edit, even just a line edit for spelling errors and grammar issues. While I usually enjoy reading a text in the 'voice' a person would speak in, it detracted from the story overall.

[Shannon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing Story of Survival

Hannah endured years of abuse at the hands of her father and in the name of religion. It is absolutely amazing that she made it out physically, though those mental scars will take a lifetime to heal. I’d love to read a follow up book! What life has been like since.
I live close to Muddy Pond and after reading this story, I will never set foot in their stores or anywhere near there. They KNEW this abuse was happening and did nothing. My heart goes out to you, Hannah. Sending so much love to you. Write another book!

[Chyna Braston · Rating 4 out of 5]

Truly a sad story, but a story of true resilience! It’s not a funny situation, but I laughed out loud at the scene where Ahaz stated he was dying and she began cheerfully, giddily asking when it would happen and why it would! I could see his face in my head, realizing that this narcissist moment he had set up just backfired.
I gave the book 4 stars because it badly needs an editor to help clean it up a bit.

[Rachel Shetterly · Rating 5 out of 5]

a true overcomer

It is amazing what a human being can survive. Hannah, I am so sorry for what you experienced, and I am so grateful you are a fighter. I am sorry you weren’t heard well. It seems to be a problem in CYS departments everywhere. Truly the story of a strong and determined soul. It serves to remind the readers to be aware and proactive when something seems off.

[Lois · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is very hard to read, because what happened to Hannah was so terrible. It's well-written and important, but just so sad.
The book ends abruptly when Hannah is 18, and on the run from her abuser. I hope she is in a safer, happier place now.

[Kelsey Carpenter]

Found through TikTok- doesn’t feel right to give a rating on a book about someone’s personal trauma after everything she went through
I hope that writing it down and getting it out was healing and cathartic for her though!

[Starshine Everlight · Rating 5 out of 5]

An emotionally difficult read. As a cptsd survivor myself, i was awed by some things the author said that sounded straight out of the secret parts of my brain. I would love to hear more on her journey to freedom and healing. I applaud her for sharing her story. She has no idea how much it helps.

[Kelley]

I read 24%

[jasmine hurst · Rating 5 out of 5]

An amazing story of a warrior woman

This is the type of story that you can not put down, Hannah is the strongest and most determined woman. Thank you for sharing your story.

[Heidi · Rating 3 out of 5]

Such a sad story. The book itself would really benefit from some heavy editing to tell her story better. I hope she has found healing since escaping her abuser.

[Hannah Roche · Rating 2 out of 5]

Abusers that hide behind religion deserve to rot in hell

[Sal Clarke · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. Just wow. The abuse she went through was horrible! She is so brave to write her story! As hard as the abuse was to read about, I'd still call it a must read!