What do you think?
Rate this book
The Intangible
C.J. Washington’s riveting debut novel dives into the raw emotions of a grieving mother whose quest to heal from a mysterious condition threatens to unravel the lives of those around her.
Amanda Jackson has always longed to be a mother. The early weeks of her first pregnancy are a mixture of joy, anticipation, and uncertainty as she and her husband prepare for the journey ahead.
Then comes a devastating loss. Even though her doctors tell her otherwise, Amanda believes she’s still pregnant. Her diagnosis is a rare, mysterious condition called pseudocyesis. Betrayed by her mind and body and her marriage strained, Amanda turns to neuroscientist Patrick Davis for answers.
Patrick understands the strange twists and turns of the human mind better than anyone. But as he spirals ever deeper into Amanda’s illness, his own homelife crumbles as his wife, Marissa, struggles to cope with her own loss. Marissa’s unique and, some may think, macabre work is her salvation, but it’s pulling her further and further away from Patrick.
As the two couples confront the fraught intersection of science, death, and human emotion, they venture into the darkest corners of each other’s lives. What they find there could change them forever.
Amanda Jackson has always longed to be a mother. The early weeks of her first pregnancy are a mixture of joy, anticipation, and uncertainty as she and her husband prepare for the journey ahead.
Then comes a devastating loss. Even though her doctors tell her otherwise, Amanda believes she’s still pregnant. Her diagnosis is a rare, mysterious condition called pseudocyesis. Betrayed by her mind and body and her marriage strained, Amanda turns to neuroscientist Patrick Davis for answers.
Patrick understands the strange twists and turns of the human mind better than anyone. But as he spirals ever deeper into Amanda’s illness, his own homelife crumbles as his wife, Marissa, struggles to cope with her own loss. Marissa’s unique and, some may think, macabre work is her salvation, but it’s pulling her further and further away from Patrick.
As the two couples confront the fraught intersection of science, death, and human emotion, they venture into the darkest corners of each other’s lives. What they find there could change them forever.
379 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 2022
1431 people are currently reading
7730 people want to read
About the author
C.J. Washington
2 books80 followersC.J. Washington is a data scientist and writer. He has a master’s degree in computer science from the Georgia Institute of Technology and lives in Atlanta, Georgia, with his wife and daughter. The Intangible is his first novel.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 332 reviews
February 5, 2024
It is important to note that the majority of the themes explored in this book deal with sensitive subject matters. My review, therefore, touches on these topics as well. Many people might find the subject matters of the book & those detailed in my review overwhelming. I would suggest you steer clear of both if this is the case. Please note that from this point forward I will be writing about matters that contain reflections on parental neglect, parental abandonment, substance abuse, physical abuse, domestic violence, infant mortality, pseudocyesis, & others.
When Plato first introduced the philosophical concept known as "The Dualism of Man" I wonder if he fathomed a realm of reality in which his questioning regarding the everlasting span of one’s immaterial spirit, might lead to the lives we have lost, in between the one we lead, to find each other in the pages of a book. I wonder too, if he knew to understand or include the possibility of grief & physical losses experienced in the material, physical form, in his philosophizing.
This book is breathtakingly fascinating. We are introduced to two (2) romantic couples & their struggles with their state of consciousness compared to their perceptions of the world around them. Amanda & Derrick are married, they have a house which they bought under the notion that it would be filled with the children they would share, they work in high-achieving fields & they appear totally & completely incompatible. In this couple we see two people who never communicate; every conversation they share is hollow & I found it genuinely frustrating to make my way through their chapters because I didn’t like Amanda.
I struggle through literature that puts a liar in the forefront of the plot because I find it difficult to pace myself through a premise that is led by the inability or the voluntary choice of said character to evade the truth. We are, from the jump, meant to feel some level of sympathy towards Amanda.
She is dealing with the diagnosis of Pseudocyesis, also known as Phantom Pregnancy & holds her ‘inability’ to conceive a child with her husband as being her own fault. However, we are then led through mazes of Amanda’s willful decisions to lie to Derrick, to withhold feelings & thought processes from her husband who is, for all intents & purposes, pursuing the same goal of biological childbirth, alongside her.
I acknowledge that the purpose of frustration felt towards Amanda’s character was most probably intended. Amanda is not one-dimensional. None of the characters in this book, primary or otherwise, are; every character explored throughout this story held a deeply established dimensionality to them. It was easy to feel that the story being told was true.
I must admit that being able to create such well-rounded, profound beings in this fictional world was a great feat. We read about so many different characters, perspectives & inputs that it would be easy to confuse some of their voices. However, this never happens, not once.
Washington is able to bring all of the characters to life. He gives them voices & personalities that fit within the realm in which they exist as well as within the domain in which I do; the reality in which I sit & read a story about a person who experiences things that I have not & in which I seek to respect the differences in our beings, however frustrating that might be.
We also have Patrick & Marissa; academics who dip their toes in the world of those simply seeking to smell the roses & not reinvent mathematics. This couple is profoundly connected by trauma & the innate ability of those who live through life-altering circumstances as young people, to find themselves in the company of similar folks without ever really speaking their truth into reality.
As much as it pained me to read the perspectives that were granted by these two, I appreciated it the most. I shan’t go into details as to why I found their insights comforting; as one who reads a familiar scene plays out far from reach. However, I will say that the relationships that Marissa & Patrick held with each other & those around them, felt incredibly authentic to me.
Having these two highly intellectual people, reveal through dissociated, third-party dialogue, the events which transpired felt refreshing. I was glad to read about people seeking to achieve good things not because of what happened to them but simply because they could/wanted to. It never felt as though Washington was seeking to reinforce the age-old adage that is often told, stating that trauma made you who you are—these characters were who they were because that is who they are. I was glad to not read about trauma being credited for the absurd level of success these individuals achieved.
I think what I appreciated the most out of any of the aspects of this story was what it asked of me. I recognized aspects of myself & people around me in the actions of certain characters & within their rationalizations.
The experience of grief, most specifically the loss of love, is an incredibly complex emotion, event & experience. Washington meticulously crafted individual people who found themselves coupled; romantically, with familial relations, & within friendships, & he determined to ensure that the loss that was described throughout this book might touch every single reader. One might not have experienced the loss of a child carried within one’s own body, but one has certainly lost someone who was loved.
One might not have lost a family pet that granted that person the security of unconditional love but, one most certainly has felt insecure in their place within the emotional world. I would encourage many & all people to read this book if they can.
I acknowledge that the trigger warnings I listed above might prevent some people from advancing with their reading experience & that is okay. However, I applaud this book for bringing into focus the multitude of ways in which we experience loss in our lives.
I cannot help but feel for Marissa. Her quest to seek the comfort of the consciousness of someone she has known, lost in a reality that she no longer inhabits, is both overwhelming & debilitating. How can one be expected to go on when one has lost so much? What is left when we subtract from the sum total of all our parts?
I will certainly find myself reading this book again. The themes posed within the plot highlight very important philosophical questions & I do not think that reading it one time will satiate my need to explore the answers that I gathered from this first consumption.
As well, I cannot say that how this book was written intended for the book to be read but once. Reading about a woman who is struggling with phantom pregnancy requires a read of its own, as does reading about a husband who drugs his pregnant wife & a man who humours his brother in all things serious, & so does the woman who loses her mind to rationality in a void of grief. Every aspect of this story deserves its lens, & its own time to blossom within the story; this is a book I will keenly revisit throughout my life.
I find myself humbled after reading this book. It is one thing to see yourself reflected in the words of a stranger but, it is another to wonder what the people who find their reflection, one that differs from your own might feel, too. This was a sad story & I’m glad to have read it.
Thank you to NetGalley, Little A Books, & C.J. Washington for the free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review!
When Plato first introduced the philosophical concept known as "The Dualism of Man" I wonder if he fathomed a realm of reality in which his questioning regarding the everlasting span of one’s immaterial spirit, might lead to the lives we have lost, in between the one we lead, to find each other in the pages of a book. I wonder too, if he knew to understand or include the possibility of grief & physical losses experienced in the material, physical form, in his philosophizing.
This book is breathtakingly fascinating. We are introduced to two (2) romantic couples & their struggles with their state of consciousness compared to their perceptions of the world around them. Amanda & Derrick are married, they have a house which they bought under the notion that it would be filled with the children they would share, they work in high-achieving fields & they appear totally & completely incompatible. In this couple we see two people who never communicate; every conversation they share is hollow & I found it genuinely frustrating to make my way through their chapters because I didn’t like Amanda.
I struggle through literature that puts a liar in the forefront of the plot because I find it difficult to pace myself through a premise that is led by the inability or the voluntary choice of said character to evade the truth. We are, from the jump, meant to feel some level of sympathy towards Amanda.
She is dealing with the diagnosis of Pseudocyesis, also known as Phantom Pregnancy & holds her ‘inability’ to conceive a child with her husband as being her own fault. However, we are then led through mazes of Amanda’s willful decisions to lie to Derrick, to withhold feelings & thought processes from her husband who is, for all intents & purposes, pursuing the same goal of biological childbirth, alongside her.
I acknowledge that the purpose of frustration felt towards Amanda’s character was most probably intended. Amanda is not one-dimensional. None of the characters in this book, primary or otherwise, are; every character explored throughout this story held a deeply established dimensionality to them. It was easy to feel that the story being told was true.
I must admit that being able to create such well-rounded, profound beings in this fictional world was a great feat. We read about so many different characters, perspectives & inputs that it would be easy to confuse some of their voices. However, this never happens, not once.
Washington is able to bring all of the characters to life. He gives them voices & personalities that fit within the realm in which they exist as well as within the domain in which I do; the reality in which I sit & read a story about a person who experiences things that I have not & in which I seek to respect the differences in our beings, however frustrating that might be.
We also have Patrick & Marissa; academics who dip their toes in the world of those simply seeking to smell the roses & not reinvent mathematics. This couple is profoundly connected by trauma & the innate ability of those who live through life-altering circumstances as young people, to find themselves in the company of similar folks without ever really speaking their truth into reality.
As much as it pained me to read the perspectives that were granted by these two, I appreciated it the most. I shan’t go into details as to why I found their insights comforting; as one who reads a familiar scene plays out far from reach. However, I will say that the relationships that Marissa & Patrick held with each other & those around them, felt incredibly authentic to me.
Having these two highly intellectual people, reveal through dissociated, third-party dialogue, the events which transpired felt refreshing. I was glad to read about people seeking to achieve good things not because of what happened to them but simply because they could/wanted to. It never felt as though Washington was seeking to reinforce the age-old adage that is often told, stating that trauma made you who you are—these characters were who they were because that is who they are. I was glad to not read about trauma being credited for the absurd level of success these individuals achieved.
I think what I appreciated the most out of any of the aspects of this story was what it asked of me. I recognized aspects of myself & people around me in the actions of certain characters & within their rationalizations.
The experience of grief, most specifically the loss of love, is an incredibly complex emotion, event & experience. Washington meticulously crafted individual people who found themselves coupled; romantically, with familial relations, & within friendships, & he determined to ensure that the loss that was described throughout this book might touch every single reader. One might not have experienced the loss of a child carried within one’s own body, but one has certainly lost someone who was loved.
One might not have lost a family pet that granted that person the security of unconditional love but, one most certainly has felt insecure in their place within the emotional world. I would encourage many & all people to read this book if they can.
I acknowledge that the trigger warnings I listed above might prevent some people from advancing with their reading experience & that is okay. However, I applaud this book for bringing into focus the multitude of ways in which we experience loss in our lives.
I cannot help but feel for Marissa. Her quest to seek the comfort of the consciousness of someone she has known, lost in a reality that she no longer inhabits, is both overwhelming & debilitating. How can one be expected to go on when one has lost so much? What is left when we subtract from the sum total of all our parts?
I will certainly find myself reading this book again. The themes posed within the plot highlight very important philosophical questions & I do not think that reading it one time will satiate my need to explore the answers that I gathered from this first consumption.
As well, I cannot say that how this book was written intended for the book to be read but once. Reading about a woman who is struggling with phantom pregnancy requires a read of its own, as does reading about a husband who drugs his pregnant wife & a man who humours his brother in all things serious, & so does the woman who loses her mind to rationality in a void of grief. Every aspect of this story deserves its lens, & its own time to blossom within the story; this is a book I will keenly revisit throughout my life.
I find myself humbled after reading this book. It is one thing to see yourself reflected in the words of a stranger but, it is another to wonder what the people who find their reflection, one that differs from your own might feel, too. This was a sad story & I’m glad to have read it.
Thank you to NetGalley, Little A Books, & C.J. Washington for the free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 20, 2021
To be completely honest I am still trying to figure out how I feel about this book. There were huge sections I loved, and there were other parts that dragged on. It took me a minute to get into it and once I did, I really enjoyed learning about Amanda, Patrick, Marissa, and Derrick's lives. This book is heavy, emotional, raw. It will leave your head spinning and you will begin to think outside the box. How do people's lives end up the way they do? How do people respond to trauma or grief over extended periods of time? You never know how you will respond and deal with something that is life altering until you are faced with a traumatic event. C.J. Washington brings the pain of all his characters to life. Their problems are real and relatable. This is what makes this book more powerful.
Amanda's one wish is to have a baby. She and her husband Derrick have been through IVF, and now a traumatic miscarriage. Where Amanda still feels and believes she is pregnant. She knows she cannot be, but she looks it, feels it, and knows she will have a baby. She seeks out Patrick, a neuroscientist who was recommended by a friend. Patrick is going through his own issues in his marriage, you only know it was brought on by an accident. They hit it off and begin to become one another's light in the darkness. They depend on one another for advice, for friendship, and to just get through the day. The Intangible reveals itself slowly, like peeling back each layer of an onion. Once you are in you cannot wait to see what the next chapter will bring. There are twists, turns, and a few shocking revelations. Marissa, Patrick's wife, has been working through her grief with math. She is a mathematician and only appears to be able to communicate through solving her problems. Marissa is tied to her guilt and grief. She cannot pull herself out and she buries herself deeper and deeper in her work. Their lives become increasingly tied together, until the final secret is revealed.
I really enjoyed the book. I loved learning the background story for each of the characters. I did tend to zone out when Marissa went deep into her math problems, or Patrick went off on one of his neuro tangents. The book will make you shed tears, gasp in shock, and cheer for each of them to be able to live again. Without the grief and guilt hanging around their necks. Thank you to C.J. Washington, TLC Book Tours, and Little A for sending me this insightful, thought provoking read.
Amanda's one wish is to have a baby. She and her husband Derrick have been through IVF, and now a traumatic miscarriage. Where Amanda still feels and believes she is pregnant. She knows she cannot be, but she looks it, feels it, and knows she will have a baby. She seeks out Patrick, a neuroscientist who was recommended by a friend. Patrick is going through his own issues in his marriage, you only know it was brought on by an accident. They hit it off and begin to become one another's light in the darkness. They depend on one another for advice, for friendship, and to just get through the day. The Intangible reveals itself slowly, like peeling back each layer of an onion. Once you are in you cannot wait to see what the next chapter will bring. There are twists, turns, and a few shocking revelations. Marissa, Patrick's wife, has been working through her grief with math. She is a mathematician and only appears to be able to communicate through solving her problems. Marissa is tied to her guilt and grief. She cannot pull herself out and she buries herself deeper and deeper in her work. Their lives become increasingly tied together, until the final secret is revealed.
I really enjoyed the book. I loved learning the background story for each of the characters. I did tend to zone out when Marissa went deep into her math problems, or Patrick went off on one of his neuro tangents. The book will make you shed tears, gasp in shock, and cheer for each of them to be able to live again. Without the grief and guilt hanging around their necks. Thank you to C.J. Washington, TLC Book Tours, and Little A for sending me this insightful, thought provoking read.
February 2, 2022
Very strong storytelling elements…. But faltered at the end
In C.J. Washington’s debut novel we meet two women who are grieving in different ways and both their husband not being able to assist. Amanda recently had a miscarriage- she knows she is not pregnant- yet her body and brain tells her otherwise, she is diagnosed with a rare, mysterious condition called pseudocyesis. This is where her body shows she is pregnant, she feels pregnant but is not pregnant. It is hard for Amanda to go through this, and she is unable to connect with her husband who recently found God starts believing they are having a faith pregnancy. Amanda turns to a neuroscientist Patrick for help with her condition….. but maybe Patrick is a little too helpful.
Patrick recently went through a traumatic experience and so did his wife, Marissa. Marissa is a brilliant mathematician who is throwing herself into her work, her goal- to use maths to help people speak with the dead… yeah… wild.
What happens when Patrick and Amanda gets too close? Will Marissa solve for X?
Y’all, let me say this book is WILD A.F in some areas but what I will say is that it started out strong. The author has a way of drawing you in that you must find out what happens next. He does a great job with telling a strong that keeps you engaged and it is only when you are half way through that you think, “WAIT… WHAT’S GOING ON HERE?”
I definitely think the premise was solid, but I felt the ending was entirely all over the place- this book would have benefitted from a strong editor who is able to expertly pull all the strings together. I am not saying I wanted a neatly tied up story but this was just just… too all over the place.
Do I recommend this one… I do… I think it was an enjoyable read, just the ending fell flat.
In C.J. Washington’s debut novel we meet two women who are grieving in different ways and both their husband not being able to assist. Amanda recently had a miscarriage- she knows she is not pregnant- yet her body and brain tells her otherwise, she is diagnosed with a rare, mysterious condition called pseudocyesis. This is where her body shows she is pregnant, she feels pregnant but is not pregnant. It is hard for Amanda to go through this, and she is unable to connect with her husband who recently found God starts believing they are having a faith pregnancy. Amanda turns to a neuroscientist Patrick for help with her condition….. but maybe Patrick is a little too helpful.
Patrick recently went through a traumatic experience and so did his wife, Marissa. Marissa is a brilliant mathematician who is throwing herself into her work, her goal- to use maths to help people speak with the dead… yeah… wild.
What happens when Patrick and Amanda gets too close? Will Marissa solve for X?
Y’all, let me say this book is WILD A.F in some areas but what I will say is that it started out strong. The author has a way of drawing you in that you must find out what happens next. He does a great job with telling a strong that keeps you engaged and it is only when you are half way through that you think, “WAIT… WHAT’S GOING ON HERE?”
I definitely think the premise was solid, but I felt the ending was entirely all over the place- this book would have benefitted from a strong editor who is able to expertly pull all the strings together. I am not saying I wanted a neatly tied up story but this was just just… too all over the place.
Do I recommend this one… I do… I think it was an enjoyable read, just the ending fell flat.
January 5, 2022
This book is from Kindle First Read.
4.5 stars, round up!
When I started reading a couple of chapters, I've almost quit reading. Because I was not a fan of two main characters and little slow building...
But I kept reading and I hooked up with this story.
It's very unique story and mystery storyline was thrilling.
One reason I didn't give 5 stars is some chapter was too scientific and mathematical conclusion. Couldn't understand much..
Overall I really enjoyed it!!
4.5 stars, round up!
When I started reading a couple of chapters, I've almost quit reading. Because I was not a fan of two main characters and little slow building...
But I kept reading and I hooked up with this story.
It's very unique story and mystery storyline was thrilling.
One reason I didn't give 5 stars is some chapter was too scientific and mathematical conclusion. Couldn't understand much..
Overall I really enjoyed it!!
December 4, 2021
A cerebral novel about the importance of nurturing our relationships .
Despite the many 5 Star reviews, THE INTANGIBLE is not a book everyone is going to enjoy reading. None of the early (all 5-STAR) reviews were very clear on exactly what THE INTANGIBLE is about. After reading it, I get that. Like its title, the subject matter is also a bit intangible. So, is it a book for you?
If you like something fast paced with a lot of action, this is the exact opposite. It is a slow burn, cerebral story, almost completely void of ANY action. It is essentially a story about the gradual disintegration of two marriages. The reasons for the break down of these relationships are not particularly unique. One is brought on by the pressures of infertility. The other is brought on by a failure to prioritize the relationship, essentially neglecting to nurture it.
These two couples are essentially nice, well liked, successful, and extremely intelligent people. They behave like adults. The breakups are unusual only for the LACK of drama and emotional hostility that we 've come to expect from divorce. We learn a lot about these four individuals. We take a deep dive into their backgrounds, childhood traumas and their current relationships with their parents and siblings. We come to know them very well and understand their motivations, even if we would have handled their situations much differently
Much of the book, I was waiting for something to happen or some substantial twist to take place. Don't hold your breath.
What the story does offer is a rather metaphysical look at the unanswered questions about human life and the properties of the universe. There are also some very astute observations about what it means to be human and the importance of continuing to make new connections and nourishing the ones we already have.
This is a VERY smart book. All of the main characters are highly educated and involved in some aspect of medicine, academia or research. One of the women at the center of the story is an accomplished and tenured Mathematics Professor. She is obsessed with making a name for herself. She is in the process of working through an original mathematical proof, that will change the world of physics forever. Her work is so respected, impressive, and groundbreaking, that people that travel in her elite circles are more than willing to overlook the goal of her research: to communicate with the dead!
I liked the book, i did not love it. It is not boring, even if it is a bit uneventful.
Despite the many 5 Star reviews, THE INTANGIBLE is not a book everyone is going to enjoy reading. None of the early (all 5-STAR) reviews were very clear on exactly what THE INTANGIBLE is about. After reading it, I get that. Like its title, the subject matter is also a bit intangible. So, is it a book for you?
If you like something fast paced with a lot of action, this is the exact opposite. It is a slow burn, cerebral story, almost completely void of ANY action. It is essentially a story about the gradual disintegration of two marriages. The reasons for the break down of these relationships are not particularly unique. One is brought on by the pressures of infertility. The other is brought on by a failure to prioritize the relationship, essentially neglecting to nurture it.
These two couples are essentially nice, well liked, successful, and extremely intelligent people. They behave like adults. The breakups are unusual only for the LACK of drama and emotional hostility that we 've come to expect from divorce. We learn a lot about these four individuals. We take a deep dive into their backgrounds, childhood traumas and their current relationships with their parents and siblings. We come to know them very well and understand their motivations, even if we would have handled their situations much differently
Much of the book, I was waiting for something to happen or some substantial twist to take place. Don't hold your breath.
What the story does offer is a rather metaphysical look at the unanswered questions about human life and the properties of the universe. There are also some very astute observations about what it means to be human and the importance of continuing to make new connections and nourishing the ones we already have.
This is a VERY smart book. All of the main characters are highly educated and involved in some aspect of medicine, academia or research. One of the women at the center of the story is an accomplished and tenured Mathematics Professor. She is obsessed with making a name for herself. She is in the process of working through an original mathematical proof, that will change the world of physics forever. Her work is so respected, impressive, and groundbreaking, that people that travel in her elite circles are more than willing to overlook the goal of her research: to communicate with the dead!
I liked the book, i did not love it. It is not boring, even if it is a bit uneventful.
December 6, 2021
Short Review: A twisty, psychological, dark romance. It's a deep dive into the messes that we humans make and how we attempt to claw our way out. It made me ponder if there really is such a thing as a "happy ending."
Long Review: The Intangible, a debut novel by C.J. Washington, follows two couples Amanda and Derrick and Patrick and Marissa. Both couples have experienced horrible tragic loss, both have serious relationship problems, and both are trying to heal in questionable and unhealthy ways. The story which is told in alternating POV's and nonlinear timelines unfolds everyone's secrets slowly and deliberately. It pulled me in and I couldn't put it down. It was like a morally gray reality show. I had to know how it would end. It was definitely not the ending I was expecting.
To be honest, I'm still reeling from this book. I've never read anything quite like it.
Long Review: The Intangible, a debut novel by C.J. Washington, follows two couples Amanda and Derrick and Patrick and Marissa. Both couples have experienced horrible tragic loss, both have serious relationship problems, and both are trying to heal in questionable and unhealthy ways. The story which is told in alternating POV's and nonlinear timelines unfolds everyone's secrets slowly and deliberately. It pulled me in and I couldn't put it down. It was like a morally gray reality show. I had to know how it would end. It was definitely not the ending I was expecting.
To be honest, I'm still reeling from this book. I've never read anything quite like it.
December 2, 2021
THE INTANGIBLE is a fascinating story about a rare condition known as phantom pregnancy that had me spellbound from the start. Washington writes with great humanity, and I found myself rooting for his deftly crafted characters who show just what it means to love and to long, and to pick yourself up from the wreckage of a failed life to stagger on to something more. Inspirational and beautifully written, this is a story I will not soon forget.
December 15, 2021
Loved it until close to the end when it sort of went off the deep end
I felt most of the characters were really fleshed out and I particularly liked Patrick-he felt very real to me. The author was clever in showing and not telling two marriages with many parallels, and in the stories of two sets of sisters with very different outcomes. Clearly parenting is key and having even just one involved - or even existing- parent makes a difference to a characters outcome here, and pretty much in life in general.
Where it fell apart for me was towards the end, when the author spends page after page detailing Marissa’s breakthrough- I somehow doubt that the author has actually figured out a way to talk to the dead so I wasn’t terribly interested in reading the complicated theory about strings. What I would have much preferred is more background on Pseudocyesis and how Amanda’s body would actually know how to go through labor without actually being actually being pregnant, a real phenomenon.
The book was so well written and characters so well developed that I just assumed Derricks disappearance would be explained in a way that made sense, but his whole character was off. He was the only one with two apparently loving involved parents, but his actions are the most difficult to understand- especially overdosing in Marissa and Patrick’s house. And it never clear to me why Marissa provided him with more drugs and left him to die without telling anyone. And how his body would have disappeared. My last rant is the ending with Patrick and Amanda. I didn’t have a problem with them ending up together but honestly, their relationship was based on such tragedy that I would have better believed they would go their separate ways. But the silliness part for me was the one year of no contact and the Disney ending at the botanical gardens.. In a few chapters the book went from a 5 to a 3
I felt most of the characters were really fleshed out and I particularly liked Patrick-he felt very real to me. The author was clever in showing and not telling two marriages with many parallels, and in the stories of two sets of sisters with very different outcomes. Clearly parenting is key and having even just one involved - or even existing- parent makes a difference to a characters outcome here, and pretty much in life in general.
Where it fell apart for me was towards the end, when the author spends page after page detailing Marissa’s breakthrough- I somehow doubt that the author has actually figured out a way to talk to the dead so I wasn’t terribly interested in reading the complicated theory about strings. What I would have much preferred is more background on Pseudocyesis and how Amanda’s body would actually know how to go through labor without actually being actually being pregnant, a real phenomenon.
The book was so well written and characters so well developed that I just assumed Derricks disappearance would be explained in a way that made sense, but his whole character was off. He was the only one with two apparently loving involved parents, but his actions are the most difficult to understand- especially overdosing in Marissa and Patrick’s house. And it never clear to me why Marissa provided him with more drugs and left him to die without telling anyone. And how his body would have disappeared. My last rant is the ending with Patrick and Amanda. I didn’t have a problem with them ending up together but honestly, their relationship was based on such tragedy that I would have better believed they would go their separate ways. But the silliness part for me was the one year of no contact and the Disney ending at the botanical gardens.. In a few chapters the book went from a 5 to a 3
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
December 2, 2021
This novel truly takes the reader into that which is intangible - the workings of our minds and the equally mysterious quarters of the heart. I was struck by how fully-formed and complex the characters were, the truly human nature of their imperfections and the realistic way in which simple outcomes weren’t necessarily theirs to either have or desire. A satisfying and intriguing read.
January 1, 2022
So, started off 2022 by finishing this Debut Novel by C.J Washington. He's a data scientist from Georgia. He has his master's degree from G Tech , with a focus on all things Artificial intelligence.
He also somehow pulled me into reading a romance novel without me knowing it, and I loved every second of it! 👀😳😂.
But, it's most likely because its a romance/mystery/sci-fi type feel to it. The story was great and the characters were on point, and the ending was satisfying.
When I first started, I wasn't sure how I felt about the style of writing, where we time jump constantly, but after the first few chapters, I was actually enjoying it, and it made sense why he went with this method as the story progressed.
Loved this novel! Also, I'm fully here for any story that includes black women in Tech!! 🤎✊🏿
He also somehow pulled me into reading a romance novel without me knowing it, and I loved every second of it! 👀😳😂.
But, it's most likely because its a romance/mystery/sci-fi type feel to it. The story was great and the characters were on point, and the ending was satisfying.
When I first started, I wasn't sure how I felt about the style of writing, where we time jump constantly, but after the first few chapters, I was actually enjoying it, and it made sense why he went with this method as the story progressed.
Loved this novel! Also, I'm fully here for any story that includes black women in Tech!! 🤎✊🏿
December 8, 2021
2 stars
Another novel that wasn’t for me. This was a Prime First Look book. Out of the four main characters I liked none of them.
Another novel that wasn’t for me. This was a Prime First Look book. Out of the four main characters I liked none of them.
February 3, 2022
Kindle First Read.
Wow. I've never read anything like this book. It was one big metaphor in what felt like different dimensions. It was dark, psychological, and twisty. Some parts were dragged out a bit like during one of Marissa's perspectives, she had a monologue about consciousness that I will never understand no matter how many times I read it over.
I'm impressed with the amount of research writing this book probably took for the author. I didn't really like the time stamps and the going back and forth especially toward the end, it made the climax a bit confusing but nonetheless points for this book being different and enjoyable.
Wow. I've never read anything like this book. It was one big metaphor in what felt like different dimensions. It was dark, psychological, and twisty. Some parts were dragged out a bit like during one of Marissa's perspectives, she had a monologue about consciousness that I will never understand no matter how many times I read it over.
I'm impressed with the amount of research writing this book probably took for the author. I didn't really like the time stamps and the going back and forth especially toward the end, it made the climax a bit confusing but nonetheless points for this book being different and enjoyable.
January 9, 2022
Everyone in this book is so deeply flawed. Amanda miscarried at 12 weeks, yet her body continues to carry out a pseudo pregnancy. Her husband, Derrick, joins an evangelical church and believes she is actually carrying a faith pregnancy. Amanda connects with Patrick, a neuroscientist who lost his niece in a tragic accident months ago, one which has pushed his wife Marissa to bury herself in her work—mathematical theorems that cover her attempt to speak to the dead or find proof of alternate universes.
Parts of this book were a little slow, but the second half grabbed me. The characters are very well fleshed out and ultimately, this is a brilliant debut novel.
Parts of this book were a little slow, but the second half grabbed me. The characters are very well fleshed out and ultimately, this is a brilliant debut novel.
January 6, 2022
When I described this novel to a friend, he immediately thought.. disturbing. I agree that the two couples in the book are dealing with deep levels of grief, loss and guilt. I felt many emotions throughout their stories of trauma.
Amanda has a condition called pseudocyesis. She believes she is still pregnant after a miscarriage. She finds support outside of her marriage from Patrick, a neuroscientist.
Patrick is struggling with his marriage . His wife Marissa is consumed with her career as a mathematician and suffering from her own tragic loss and guilt.
The twists and turns and the intricate “ dance” between science and raw emotion kept me turning the pages! It is also a debut. I was gifted a copy from the publisher. All opinions are my own. Trigger warnings for drug addiction, infant death, and infidelity.
Amanda has a condition called pseudocyesis. She believes she is still pregnant after a miscarriage. She finds support outside of her marriage from Patrick, a neuroscientist.
Patrick is struggling with his marriage . His wife Marissa is consumed with her career as a mathematician and suffering from her own tragic loss and guilt.
The twists and turns and the intricate “ dance” between science and raw emotion kept me turning the pages! It is also a debut. I was gifted a copy from the publisher. All opinions are my own. Trigger warnings for drug addiction, infant death, and infidelity.
May 1, 2022
After finishing this book, I'm still not sure what to think of it. I liked it, yes, but it also took a long time to get through. It is very character-driven, rather than action-driver or even plot-driven. We learn a lot about Amanda and Patrick (and Marissa). Amanda is married to Derrick (we don't get a lot about him), and they kept trying to have a baby. She got pregnant when she had an affair and then miscarried. However, her body still looks pregnant, she knows in her head that she is not pregnant, but she still feels all the pregnancy symptoms.
For this, she seeks the help of Patrick, a neuroscientist married to Marissa, a mathmetician. Patrick and Marissa have experienced their own trauma and are growing apart as they each try to deal with it.
This isn't a story of torrid love affairs but marriages that are struggling to stay together and what it means to be there for someone the way they need you to be - rather than the way you need to be. There is a difference and for me, this book explored that.
For this, she seeks the help of Patrick, a neuroscientist married to Marissa, a mathmetician. Patrick and Marissa have experienced their own trauma and are growing apart as they each try to deal with it.
This isn't a story of torrid love affairs but marriages that are struggling to stay together and what it means to be there for someone the way they need you to be - rather than the way you need to be. There is a difference and for me, this book explored that.
December 19, 2021
I chose this book as my Prime First Read selection because what better way to try a new author than with a free book and also because the story sounded intriguing.
For the most part I really enjoyed this story. The story itself is very interesting and the characters are complex and their lives complicated. The story being told from four perspectives made it seem more personal as I got to know each character and how they got to where they are in the story.
The one issue I had with the book was all the math and neuroscience talk. Sometimes it felt like the story was bogged down with Marissa's math and Patrick's neuroscience explanations. I'm thinking the average person won't understand a lot of what is being told in those pages and a simpler explanation in layperson terms would have been sufficient.
All in all this was a good read and I would read more from this author. He has a way of creating characters and telling a story that kept my attention.
For the most part I really enjoyed this story. The story itself is very interesting and the characters are complex and their lives complicated. The story being told from four perspectives made it seem more personal as I got to know each character and how they got to where they are in the story.
The one issue I had with the book was all the math and neuroscience talk. Sometimes it felt like the story was bogged down with Marissa's math and Patrick's neuroscience explanations. I'm thinking the average person won't understand a lot of what is being told in those pages and a simpler explanation in layperson terms would have been sufficient.
All in all this was a good read and I would read more from this author. He has a way of creating characters and telling a story that kept my attention.
December 26, 2021
I almost gave up on this book mid way through, but decided to stick it out. I wished I had stopped earlier. This story was about two couples, all from dysfunctional families, who carry their dysfunction into the present. It was especially confusing to read on a Kindle, as each chapter is labeled with a different time (before or after specific dates) and it was difficult to remember or know what time the story was taking place in. The story was rather boring, the characters unbelievable and the ending convoluted, with too many unnecessary details in trying to sum everything up.
March 13, 2022
Super weird story tangents, but also written by a data scientist, so there you go. A data scientist who must really like eggplant dishes.
August 22, 2022
This book was okay. I didn't hate it but I probably wouldn't read it again. At times it felt slow and other times it kept me interested. I did not care for the out of order story telling or trying to remember the date and year something happened. It wasn't overwhelming just annoying. The big reveal of what happened to Marissa felt like a let down to me because the way it read made it seem to me that she had a traumatic brain injury that may affected her social/psychological dealings but left her genius brain intact to continue doing her math. At times, when Marissa would talk about math and her data, my eyes would glaze over because I really did not care. When I found out what happened and she was later fully aware of how she left her husband to deal with his grief I was irritated with her but also understood. I think the character development was good because I could understand and feel that emotion. Even though Amanda and Patrick's racial identities were mentioned, their spouses were not mentioned and I'm not sure if that's important or not. I haven't decided. Major themes in this book for me were betrayal, grief, and navigating healthy marriages. I did love the ending though. The title makes sense as well because the main characters are grappling with grief (something intangible) through their work or other relationships. I think this would be a good book for book discussions as well.
May 7, 2022
I really wanted to appreciate this book but I could not. The chapters and characters were too quickly switching between one another. The best part of this book was the description of a character trying to conceive of her mathematical truth… this is where the author could do a whole book. Stay In your lane CJ. Relationships and emotions are not your thing but the inner workings of a genius mind you nailed!
August 4, 2022
This was an impulsive reading choice. I picked it up at the library when returning another book and the description was intriguing, so I thought I’d give it a go. Welllllll, I don’t think I’ll be doing that again. It wasn’t the worst book I’ve read, but it definitely wasn’t the best. All of the main characters are bad people and I was rooting for no one. I kept pushing through hoping for a satisfying ending that never came. I’ll generously round up to a 1.5.
February 7, 2022
This book was hard to decide between 4 and 5 stars - maybe 4.5. I had to look up the word "intangible " and I have already forgotten what it means. So I looked it up again - "incapable of being realized..."
Ok, so, learning that word again, I feel as if I can now give this book a 4.8. The word in the title of the book was phenomenal. At least 60% of this book was unrealistic bc at least 2 of the characters were professionals who cannot prove all of their beliefs. One was a neuroscientist and one was a math genius. They were married to each other - Patrick and Marissa.
There was one other main couple - Amanda and Derrick, who were also not an ideal match. Amanda had a very unusual psychologically caused physical problem. She called on Patrick to try to help her. Patrick called on Amanda to help him with his marriage. Derrick was not happy with that situation and told Marissa.
Now that you know some of the characters, you can almost guess some of the likely scenarios. However, believe me, you cannot guess all of the interesting, surprising, unexpected calamities that happen to these people. The author throws in some more family relationships that just has to interfere with all the crises.
If you read this book, you will laugh and cry and start the same emotions again throughout the book. Remember to take notes who is who, just kidding. Read slowly. Take the unrealistic parts of the story and enjoy the trip!!
Ok, so, learning that word again, I feel as if I can now give this book a 4.8. The word in the title of the book was phenomenal. At least 60% of this book was unrealistic bc at least 2 of the characters were professionals who cannot prove all of their beliefs. One was a neuroscientist and one was a math genius. They were married to each other - Patrick and Marissa.
There was one other main couple - Amanda and Derrick, who were also not an ideal match. Amanda had a very unusual psychologically caused physical problem. She called on Patrick to try to help her. Patrick called on Amanda to help him with his marriage. Derrick was not happy with that situation and told Marissa.
Now that you know some of the characters, you can almost guess some of the likely scenarios. However, believe me, you cannot guess all of the interesting, surprising, unexpected calamities that happen to these people. The author throws in some more family relationships that just has to interfere with all the crises.
If you read this book, you will laugh and cry and start the same emotions again throughout the book. Remember to take notes who is who, just kidding. Read slowly. Take the unrealistic parts of the story and enjoy the trip!!
February 23, 2022
Nerdy romance with a twist
I’d rate this book a 3.5/5. I enjoyed it for the most part but there was an abundance of technical jargon I could’ve done without. It didn’t add to the story for me. Knowing the professions and having some dialogue surrounding work for each would’ve been cool but I think there was too much for my taste. I’m not much of a romance fan but this had enough drama and intrigue to hold my attention. Pretty much every character had endearing characteristics, although flawed as humans are, which made me not dislike anyone really. Well except for those mentioned that didn’t hold any major parts, like a few parents and an abusive boyfriend. I would definitely pick up another read by C. J. Washington in the future. This was well written and entertaining.
I’d rate this book a 3.5/5. I enjoyed it for the most part but there was an abundance of technical jargon I could’ve done without. It didn’t add to the story for me. Knowing the professions and having some dialogue surrounding work for each would’ve been cool but I think there was too much for my taste. I’m not much of a romance fan but this had enough drama and intrigue to hold my attention. Pretty much every character had endearing characteristics, although flawed as humans are, which made me not dislike anyone really. Well except for those mentioned that didn’t hold any major parts, like a few parents and an abusive boyfriend. I would definitely pick up another read by C. J. Washington in the future. This was well written and entertaining.
August 12, 2022
3.5 stars! This was my Amazon First Read pick for December last year. I switched it to audio and really enjoyed it.
Amanda has pseudocyesis which is the clinical term for having all pregnancy symptoms including labor yet there is no fetus. She was pregnant for real at one point but miscarried.
She reaches out to Patrick a psychologist about her "problem" and they become fast friends. The thing is Patrick has a marriage in shambles and so is Amanda's. After all at baby wasn't conceived with the help of her husband.
This covers a whole pile of domestic issues and honestly I upped this .5 stars because Patrick had me laughing a few times.
For sure an an entertaining listen and some good insights into the human psyche. Told in multiple pov and multiple times lines it did take a few minutes for me to figure out so for that I couldn't go higher. Great debut novel and I'd be interested in more from this author.
Amanda has pseudocyesis which is the clinical term for having all pregnancy symptoms including labor yet there is no fetus. She was pregnant for real at one point but miscarried.
She reaches out to Patrick a psychologist about her "problem" and they become fast friends. The thing is Patrick has a marriage in shambles and so is Amanda's. After all at baby wasn't conceived with the help of her husband.
This covers a whole pile of domestic issues and honestly I upped this .5 stars because Patrick had me laughing a few times.
For sure an an entertaining listen and some good insights into the human psyche. Told in multiple pov and multiple times lines it did take a few minutes for me to figure out so for that I couldn't go higher. Great debut novel and I'd be interested in more from this author.
September 30, 2025
I wanted to like this one. It started out promising…and then it got too weird and far fetched…
Patrick studies pseudocytosis (?) or in laymen’s terms: fake pregnancies. These are cases where a woman physically looks and feels pregnant, however is medically not pregnant. A woman reaches out to Patrick for more answers and a friendship emerges. Patrick’s wife, Marissa, is a mathematician. Like stupidly smart. So invested to the point she forget Patrick is even there sometimes. The chapters are labeled as “before the accident” and “after”, however the reader had no idea what this “accident” even means.
Patrick studies pseudocytosis (?) or in laymen’s terms: fake pregnancies. These are cases where a woman physically looks and feels pregnant, however is medically not pregnant. A woman reaches out to Patrick for more answers and a friendship emerges. Patrick’s wife, Marissa, is a mathematician. Like stupidly smart. So invested to the point she forget Patrick is even there sometimes. The chapters are labeled as “before the accident” and “after”, however the reader had no idea what this “accident” even means.
January 14, 2022
I found this book to be contemplative and intricately woven. I really wish that there would have been more momentum in this book. It just seemed vegetative and that it just sat there and did nothing and did not move forward. I think the intent was to build up suspense, however the timing just made this a bit perplexing. I did like the writers voice and that the characters were well defined. I feel that there is definitely talent. I think this book just lost me when it covered things in such minute tiny fragments that just left the story hanging. There were a lot of moments of intensity that were just dropped instead of expounded upon. The premise itself was something new.
March 14, 2024
Wow
What a story! What a page turner!
4 people whose lives are turned upside down by life events, become truly intertwined. The author took us back and forth in order for us to understand each person's role in the story. Depression is a beast to handle and it's not good to try to handle alone.
Derrick and Amanda. Patrick and Marissa. Two couples with troubling marriages, struggle to reconnect to what used to be. It appears that communication failed and no one wants to hurt the other; walking around on eggshells.
Overall, A good book that I enjoyed reading.
What a story! What a page turner!
4 people whose lives are turned upside down by life events, become truly intertwined. The author took us back and forth in order for us to understand each person's role in the story. Depression is a beast to handle and it's not good to try to handle alone.
Derrick and Amanda. Patrick and Marissa. Two couples with troubling marriages, struggle to reconnect to what used to be. It appears that communication failed and no one wants to hurt the other; walking around on eggshells.
Overall, A good book that I enjoyed reading.
December 16, 2021
Good
Really good read. The plot was a twist. Loved the characters and the story line that brings them all together!
Really good read. The plot was a twist. Loved the characters and the story line that brings them all together!
January 6, 2022
Amazing for first novel!
First book in awhile that I had a hard time physically putting down. I'm very surprised with how much I loved this book. Triggering yes but hopeful.
First book in awhile that I had a hard time physically putting down. I'm very surprised with how much I loved this book. Triggering yes but hopeful.
dnf
January 27, 2023DNF
Displaying 1 - 30 of 332 reviews