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Babylon Bee Guide
The Babylon Bee Guide to Wokeness
To show the world you're a good person—and also to avoid getting canceled and having your life ruined by a Twitter mob—you need to get WOKE. In The Babylon Bee Guide to Wokeness, the writers of satirical sensation The Babylon Bee tell you how to choose your pronouns, blame everyone else for your problems, and show the world how virtuous you are with virtue-signaling profile pictures and stunning and brave hashtags. A tongue-in-cheek guide to the far Left’s obsession with intersectional insanity, The Babylon Bee Guide to Wokeness will help you laugh at the state of our culture so you don’t cry.
208 pages, Paperback
First published November 2, 2021
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407 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 175 reviews
March 24, 2022
Haw! Haw! Haw! Each chapter is better than the one before. Fantastic job, Babylon Bee!
December 10, 2024
نشان یک ایدئولوژی زهردار این است که پارودیاش با خودش مو نمیزند. اینجا دروازهی جهنم است
...
بعضی از نمونههای سرکوب در جامعهی امروز امریکا
در برخی ایالتها، برای رایدادن باید کارت شناسایی معتبر ارائه کنید. نشانهی واضحی از سرکوب سیستماتیک
بیشتر چسبزخمها به رنگ پوست روشنند
هنوز در مدرسهها ریاضی تدریس میشود، با اینکه ریاضی زمانی برای سرشماری بردهها به کار میرفت
هنوز در بسیاری از فرمهای رسمی، افراد باید زن یا مرد بودنشان را مشخص کنند
قبل از مسابقات فوتبال مجبوریم به سرود ملی گوش بدهیم
یک شیرینیپز در ایالت کلرادو حاضر نیست برای مراسم ازدواج همجنسخواهان کیک درست کند
مراسم و جشنهای افتخار الجیبیتی فقط یک ماه در سال برگزار میشود
از زمان اباما حتی یک پرزیدنت سیاه هم نداشتهایم
موقع راهرفتن در خیابان مجبوریم پرچمهای آمریکا را تماشا کنیم
برای تحصیل در کالج باید پول بدهیم
برای ورود به مقاطع تحصیلات عالی باید آزمونهای استاندارد را بگذرانیم
نازیهای دستور زبان هنوز مردم را سرکوب و مجبورشان میکنند که قواعد جملهنویسی را رعایت کنند
...
چگونه فمینیست شویم
ازدواج نکنید: ازدواج تله است
زنان همانقدر به مردان نیاز دارند که ماهی به دوچرخه. اگر با مردی ازدواج کردید، ممکن است گول بخورید و باورتان بشود که مردان مشتی اشرار سرکوبگر نیستند
سقط جنین کنید
این یکی از مهمترین آیینهای تشرف به فمینیسم است. اساسیترین راه برای اینکه استقلال جسمتان را با افتخار نشان دهید کشتن بچهتان است
کلاه دستباف صورتی بپوشید تا نمادی باشد برای اندام جنسیتان
برای فمینیستترشدن میتوانید کلاه را خودتان ببافید
تعداد زیادی گربه بیاورید
این میتواند جایگزینی باشد برای بچههایی که سقط میکنید
با صدای خیلی بلند و زیر حرف بزنید
سرکوبگران مردسالار فقط در این صورت صدایتان را خواهند شنید
سرتان را بتراشید یا موهایتان را به رنگ خیلی روشن درآورید
به دنیای مردسالارانه بگویید موهایی را که بهتان داده قبول ندارید؛ پسشان بگیرد
لوازم بهداشتی زنانه به سمت سیاستمداران مخالف سقط جنین پرتاب کنید
در صورتی که به صدای بلند و زیرتان گوش ندادند، این تکنیک را به کار ببرید
ویدیوی تیکتاک درست کنید و در آن رو به دوربین فریاد بکشید
ساندویچ درست کنید
بعد بیندازیدش زمین تا مظهر آزادشدنتان باشد
اذعان کنید که زنان ترنس هم زن هستند
در غیر این صورت ترف خواهید بود، یعنی یک فمینیست رادیکال خبیث که حاضر نیست ترنسها را بپذیرد
...
بعضی از نمونههای سرکوب در جامعهی امروز امریکا
در برخی ایالتها، برای رایدادن باید کارت شناسایی معتبر ارائه کنید. نشانهی واضحی از سرکوب سیستماتیک
بیشتر چسبزخمها به رنگ پوست روشنند
هنوز در مدرسهها ریاضی تدریس میشود، با اینکه ریاضی زمانی برای سرشماری بردهها به کار میرفت
هنوز در بسیاری از فرمهای رسمی، افراد باید زن یا مرد بودنشان را مشخص کنند
قبل از مسابقات فوتبال مجبوریم به سرود ملی گوش بدهیم
یک شیرینیپز در ایالت کلرادو حاضر نیست برای مراسم ازدواج همجنسخواهان کیک درست کند
مراسم و جشنهای افتخار الجیبیتی فقط یک ماه در سال برگزار میشود
از زمان اباما حتی یک پرزیدنت سیاه هم نداشتهایم
موقع راهرفتن در خیابان مجبوریم پرچمهای آمریکا را تماشا کنیم
برای تحصیل در کالج باید پول بدهیم
برای ورود به مقاطع تحصیلات عالی باید آزمونهای استاندارد را بگذرانیم
نازیهای دستور زبان هنوز مردم را سرکوب و مجبورشان میکنند که قواعد جملهنویسی را رعایت کنند
...
چگونه فمینیست شویم
ازدواج نکنید: ازدواج تله است
زنان همانقدر به مردان نیاز دارند که ماهی به دوچرخه. اگر با مردی ازدواج کردید، ممکن است گول بخورید و باورتان بشود که مردان مشتی اشرار سرکوبگر نیستند
سقط جنین کنید
این یکی از مهمترین آیینهای تشرف به فمینیسم است. اساسیترین راه برای اینکه استقلال جسمتان را با افتخار نشان دهید کشتن بچهتان است
کلاه دستباف صورتی بپوشید تا نمادی باشد برای اندام جنسیتان
برای فمینیستترشدن میتوانید کلاه را خودتان ببافید
تعداد زیادی گربه بیاورید
این میتواند جایگزینی باشد برای بچههایی که سقط میکنید
با صدای خیلی بلند و زیر حرف بزنید
سرکوبگران مردسالار فقط در این صورت صدایتان را خواهند شنید
سرتان را بتراشید یا موهایتان را به رنگ خیلی روشن درآورید
به دنیای مردسالارانه بگویید موهایی را که بهتان داده قبول ندارید؛ پسشان بگیرد
لوازم بهداشتی زنانه به سمت سیاستمداران مخالف سقط جنین پرتاب کنید
در صورتی که به صدای بلند و زیرتان گوش ندادند، این تکنیک را به کار ببرید
ویدیوی تیکتاک درست کنید و در آن رو به دوربین فریاد بکشید
ساندویچ درست کنید
بعد بیندازیدش زمین تا مظهر آزادشدنتان باشد
اذعان کنید که زنان ترنس هم زن هستند
در غیر این صورت ترف خواهید بود، یعنی یک فمینیست رادیکال خبیث که حاضر نیست ترنسها را بپذیرد
November 2, 2021
Entertaining and informative! This book exposes, in a fun way, the absurdity of a movement gone wrong. It would appear that many (most?) in the Woke movement do not see many of their actions and beliefs as running counter to their original intention of inclusion and tolerance. This book reveals just how far the pendulum has swung in the wrong direction. The Babylon Bee focuses its satire on everywhere (not just the Left), and I'm glad to see they have written a book on this subject. I hope there will be enough open-minded people reading this to make an impact beyond just the entertainment value. (This review is based on an advance copy of the book.)
April 18, 2022
Hilariously true, but often too true, so it makes you laugh and cry at the same time. It’s like a Dilbert comic strip in that way—I’ve known people who couldn’t read it because it was too close to reality.
The book is a guide on how to be woke. Wokeness is the higher, purer plane of political correctness. All the tips are pulled straight from headlines. Nothing here is made up. There are lots of illustrations, and it doesn’t take long to read it. My favorite chapters were “How to Be Offended By Everything,” “How to Fight Fascism with Violence,” and the Glossary. I am including a few samples for your enjoyment—or offense, if you’ve already mastered how to be offended by everything.
[everything is offensive]
Language: Clean
Sexual Content: Vague references
Violence: References to riots in the news
Harm to Animals:
Harm to Children:
Other (Triggers):
===========================
You’re not Hitler (probably). But you’re still bad and racist. You might be thinking to yourself, “Hey, that’s pretty offensive. You don’t even know me. I’m not a racist.” If you’re thinking that, well, we’ve got you right where we want you. Because that’s exactly what a bigoted, oppressive, and privileged racist would say. Yep. If you say you’re not a racist, you’re only proving that you are a racist. This is the way of the woke.
The reason race is so important is because everything in life can be explained by power imbalances between oppressors and the oppressed. Some people think life is infinitely more complicated and that humans are actually embodied souls with a will and moral conscience who can make right or wrong choices, but that’s dumb—because we said so and we went to college. We prefer instead to look at human beings as meaningless clumps of cells whose every interaction can be easily explained by a very simple materialistic theory that helps us et a ton of scholarly papers published. And if you don’t agree with all our conclusions, you’re a racist!
One of the most important keys to being work is to think about race at all times. Every time you meet people, you should be thinking primarily of their skin color, because it’s their single most defining characteristic. It affects all their experiences, thoughts, and beliefs. Most importantly, people’s skin color will tell you whether they are oppressors or the oppressed. You can know pretty much all the most important things about people by simply looking at their skin color.
Everything in your life MUST be about race. It must consume everything you do. ... The only way we can truly stop racism is by focusing on race in everything.
While feminists of the past worked to achieve voting rights and freedom from discrimination, they never went far enough because, as it turns out, women are oppressed by definition. There is no way to fully escape oppression if you are a woman. Too bad! How did the woke movement solve this? We just eliminated women altogether! We do this by:
•Turning women into man-like creatures who sleep around, work grueling corporate jobs, and avoid having kids.
•Allowing men to become women, thereby making women irrelevant as a category of humanity
The LGBTQ+ movement is an important part of being woke because—you guessed it—they are very oppressed. For years, they have endured systemic oppression like being thrown in jail or prevented from getting married, but over time it has morphed into even worse oppression—such as people saying things like “I disagree with you” or “My holy book says you’re bad.” This is NOT OK, people.
Most of the founders were against slavery, and many went on to become abolitionists, but we know they didn’t really mean it. Many founders, include George Washington and Thomas Jefferson, actually owned slaves, which means they were hypocrites. Since some of the founders failed to live up fully to American ideals, that automatically means those ideals are racist and rotten to the core. The founders made a fatal mistake when they filled our Constitution with language and philosophy that would later form the basis of the abolition of slavery and the Civil Rights Movement. They really didn’t mean to do that.
As far as we can tell, white people are the only ones who have every practiced slavery. Some white supremacists will try to tell you that Africans and Arabs practiced brutal chattel slavery for thousands of years before America even existed, but we have it on good authority that those slave relationships were entirely consensual, so it was OK.
The Civil Rights Movement was the worst thing to happen in America since slavery. In it, a right-wing left-wing communist Christian revolutionary liberator and white nationalist name Martin Luther King Jr. encouraged everyone to judge people by their character instead of the color of their skin. Not very woke, MLK! He also advocated for desegregation, which caused whiteness to poison the safe spaces black Americans had worked so hard to build. Tragic.
•If you have a black friend, that’s a clear microaggression against BIPOC individuals around you. You’re basically saying, “Your only value is as a token minority to make me feel better about myself.”
•If you don’t have a black friend, that’s a clear microaggression against BIPOC individuals around you. You’re basically saying, “Black people don’t exist, and I don’t care about you at all.”
You must vote for candidates who are on the right side of history. This means Democrats. No matter how immoral they are, you must vote for them if you want to go down in the history books as a Very Good Person. Defend them to the death as though they were your own mother. In fact, if your own mother votes against Democrats, disown her. That’s how important politics is.
Whenever a national tragedy occurs, the most important thing we can do is immediately jump online to fight with our political opponents! Make sure to follow these easy tips for how to respond in a respectful and thoughtful manner when discussing recent tragedies online.
•Wait a few seconds out of respect for the victims, then immediately try to score political points. Don’t jump in with your political jabs right away—wait at least two or three seconds before slamming your political opponents online.
•If anyone says they’re praying for the victims, destroy that person. This isn’t the time to pray to God! This is the time to petition the government to DO SOMETHING, since the government has proven to be calm, rational, and effective at its job. Nothing bad has ever happened when the government has gotten involved.
...
•Assume the facts fit your narrative before they come out. You can’t waste any time waiting for facts to come out. By then your hot take will be lukewarm. Just assume that everything fits into your preconceived worldview and have at it.
According to woke doctrine, the main purpose of entertainment is actually to beat you over the head with relentless woke messaging while constantly reminding you of injustice that happens all around you. YOU MUST NEVER ESCAPE THE REAL WORLD. You must be forced to face your own culpability in systemic injustice every day until everyone achieves complete equity. ... Since logic and rationality are oppressive features of whiteness invented by slaveholders, they must be suppressed at all times in order to achieve full wokeness … In order to build an entire generation of irrational, emotional, and passionate minds, we immerse people in woke entertainment from birth to adulthood.
Colorblind: Adjective describing someone who doesn’t see color or race. Just like the Nazis. This is supremely evil since it turns a blind eye to the lived experience and daily reality of people of color, who all have the same monolithic experience and daily reality.
The book is a guide on how to be woke. Wokeness is the higher, purer plane of political correctness. All the tips are pulled straight from headlines. Nothing here is made up. There are lots of illustrations, and it doesn’t take long to read it. My favorite chapters were “How to Be Offended By Everything,” “How to Fight Fascism with Violence,” and the Glossary. I am including a few samples for your enjoyment—or offense, if you’ve already mastered how to be offended by everything.
[everything is offensive]Language: Clean
Sexual Content: Vague references
Violence: References to riots in the news
Harm to Animals:
Harm to Children:
Other (Triggers):
===========================
You’re not Hitler (probably). But you’re still bad and racist. You might be thinking to yourself, “Hey, that’s pretty offensive. You don’t even know me. I’m not a racist.” If you’re thinking that, well, we’ve got you right where we want you. Because that’s exactly what a bigoted, oppressive, and privileged racist would say. Yep. If you say you’re not a racist, you’re only proving that you are a racist. This is the way of the woke.
The reason race is so important is because everything in life can be explained by power imbalances between oppressors and the oppressed. Some people think life is infinitely more complicated and that humans are actually embodied souls with a will and moral conscience who can make right or wrong choices, but that’s dumb—because we said so and we went to college. We prefer instead to look at human beings as meaningless clumps of cells whose every interaction can be easily explained by a very simple materialistic theory that helps us et a ton of scholarly papers published. And if you don’t agree with all our conclusions, you’re a racist!
One of the most important keys to being work is to think about race at all times. Every time you meet people, you should be thinking primarily of their skin color, because it’s their single most defining characteristic. It affects all their experiences, thoughts, and beliefs. Most importantly, people’s skin color will tell you whether they are oppressors or the oppressed. You can know pretty much all the most important things about people by simply looking at their skin color.
Everything in your life MUST be about race. It must consume everything you do. ... The only way we can truly stop racism is by focusing on race in everything.
While feminists of the past worked to achieve voting rights and freedom from discrimination, they never went far enough because, as it turns out, women are oppressed by definition. There is no way to fully escape oppression if you are a woman. Too bad! How did the woke movement solve this? We just eliminated women altogether! We do this by:
•Turning women into man-like creatures who sleep around, work grueling corporate jobs, and avoid having kids.
•Allowing men to become women, thereby making women irrelevant as a category of humanity
The LGBTQ+ movement is an important part of being woke because—you guessed it—they are very oppressed. For years, they have endured systemic oppression like being thrown in jail or prevented from getting married, but over time it has morphed into even worse oppression—such as people saying things like “I disagree with you” or “My holy book says you’re bad.” This is NOT OK, people.
Most of the founders were against slavery, and many went on to become abolitionists, but we know they didn’t really mean it. Many founders, include George Washington and Thomas Jefferson, actually owned slaves, which means they were hypocrites. Since some of the founders failed to live up fully to American ideals, that automatically means those ideals are racist and rotten to the core. The founders made a fatal mistake when they filled our Constitution with language and philosophy that would later form the basis of the abolition of slavery and the Civil Rights Movement. They really didn’t mean to do that.
As far as we can tell, white people are the only ones who have every practiced slavery. Some white supremacists will try to tell you that Africans and Arabs practiced brutal chattel slavery for thousands of years before America even existed, but we have it on good authority that those slave relationships were entirely consensual, so it was OK.
The Civil Rights Movement was the worst thing to happen in America since slavery. In it, a right-wing left-wing communist Christian revolutionary liberator and white nationalist name Martin Luther King Jr. encouraged everyone to judge people by their character instead of the color of their skin. Not very woke, MLK! He also advocated for desegregation, which caused whiteness to poison the safe spaces black Americans had worked so hard to build. Tragic.
•If you have a black friend, that’s a clear microaggression against BIPOC individuals around you. You’re basically saying, “Your only value is as a token minority to make me feel better about myself.”
•If you don’t have a black friend, that’s a clear microaggression against BIPOC individuals around you. You’re basically saying, “Black people don’t exist, and I don’t care about you at all.”
You must vote for candidates who are on the right side of history. This means Democrats. No matter how immoral they are, you must vote for them if you want to go down in the history books as a Very Good Person. Defend them to the death as though they were your own mother. In fact, if your own mother votes against Democrats, disown her. That’s how important politics is.
Whenever a national tragedy occurs, the most important thing we can do is immediately jump online to fight with our political opponents! Make sure to follow these easy tips for how to respond in a respectful and thoughtful manner when discussing recent tragedies online.
•Wait a few seconds out of respect for the victims, then immediately try to score political points. Don’t jump in with your political jabs right away—wait at least two or three seconds before slamming your political opponents online.
•If anyone says they’re praying for the victims, destroy that person. This isn’t the time to pray to God! This is the time to petition the government to DO SOMETHING, since the government has proven to be calm, rational, and effective at its job. Nothing bad has ever happened when the government has gotten involved.
...
•Assume the facts fit your narrative before they come out. You can’t waste any time waiting for facts to come out. By then your hot take will be lukewarm. Just assume that everything fits into your preconceived worldview and have at it.
According to woke doctrine, the main purpose of entertainment is actually to beat you over the head with relentless woke messaging while constantly reminding you of injustice that happens all around you. YOU MUST NEVER ESCAPE THE REAL WORLD. You must be forced to face your own culpability in systemic injustice every day until everyone achieves complete equity. ... Since logic and rationality are oppressive features of whiteness invented by slaveholders, they must be suppressed at all times in order to achieve full wokeness … In order to build an entire generation of irrational, emotional, and passionate minds, we immerse people in woke entertainment from birth to adulthood.
Colorblind: Adjective describing someone who doesn’t see color or race. Just like the Nazis. This is supremely evil since it turns a blind eye to the lived experience and daily reality of people of color, who all have the same monolithic experience and daily reality.
October 17, 2021
I received a preview copy of this book for the sake of providing an honest reaction and review. And I can honestly say that I was amused and entertained by "The Babylon Bee Guide to Wokeness." It is a genuine hoot, in keeping with the Bee's typical fashion, offering a scathing parody of the whole panorama of challenges that fall under the broad banner of "wokeness." What is not so funny at all, but rather sad and tragic, is how close this satire is to the real deal. While admittedly taking the ideas it lampoons to rhetorical extremes, the book is hard-pressed to exagerate the claims of this rampant ideology and worldview, which brazenly attacks and undermines every aspect of traditional society. In truth, "wokeness" as it is actually (and actively) practiced in this present day and age is a caricature of the very offenses it claims to oppose. For example, its "social justice" is the very antithesis of true justice, and its "antiracism" comprises a textbook example of genuine "racist" attitudes.
I've been doing a fair amount of reading and research on "wokeness" recently, as I'm teaching a Bible class on the topic for my congregation. And as I say, I was particularly stuck by the fact that the Bee's "Guide to Wokeness," for all its humorous parody and satire, offers a pretty good summary overview of what "wokeness" really is and entails. I've recommended it to my Bible class, not only for its value as entertainment, but as a helpful demonstration of the self-contradictions, dangers, flaws, inconsistencies, and ludicrous weaknesses of "wokeness" in all its many tentacles.
I've been doing a fair amount of reading and research on "wokeness" recently, as I'm teaching a Bible class on the topic for my congregation. And as I say, I was particularly stuck by the fact that the Bee's "Guide to Wokeness," for all its humorous parody and satire, offers a pretty good summary overview of what "wokeness" really is and entails. I've recommended it to my Bible class, not only for its value as entertainment, but as a helpful demonstration of the self-contradictions, dangers, flaws, inconsistencies, and ludicrous weaknesses of "wokeness" in all its many tentacles.
August 2, 2022
Very funny satirical book exposing the absurdity of the woke and the modern left. Written as a "guide" to being woke.
January 6, 2022
There were a few laugh-out-loud moments, but overall this book wasn't nearly as potent as a single Babylon Bee headline on Instagram. While it does point out well how ridiculous far-left ideology is, it also tends to exaggerate things beyond the point of ridiculousness (which is probably the point, but nonetheless feels slightly disingenuous).
Just be warned that this book may more often make you stop and think than laugh. Which might not be a bad thing if that's what you're looking for.
Just be warned that this book may more often make you stop and think than laugh. Which might not be a bad thing if that's what you're looking for.
October 22, 2021
It’s been said by many very bright people out there that Christianity started as a cult. If there is a kernel of truth in that, it’s one of the most non-invasive, non-Kool-Aid-drinking, longest-lasting cults ever to consume the panoply of cultdom. It’s become a little bit more than a cult, it’s become a Way of Life. Let the eggheads tell you that Christianity has wrecked civilization all they want. Even the agnostic Ben Franklin (one of The Founders of The Civilization) said that if you were going to go in for the religion sort of thing, Christianity is The Way.
As a cancel-culture-cancelled history critic and philomath, I couldn’t resist the opportunity to review a book I attempted to write many times, but just couldn’t get that satire thing down. Leave it to the Babylon Bee’s Kyle Mann to effectively assume the spirit of Ben Franklin by casually entering the back door of the MSM and Academia’s cult headquarters to show them just how immensely anti-American their views are: The Babylon Bee Guide to Wokeness.
The cancel and woke cultures have gone too far. They’ve taken average American Joes like myself and relegated them to the Little League dugout of influencer media. It’s not fair. This is America, by Gum. Stop turning my America upside-down. I’ve listened to your opinions all day long, year after year, without comment. What you want is dumb and extreme, what you say is dumb and flatulent, and most of what you do even with the best of intentions is dumb and harmful. It’s about time a widely-published-and-distributed work showed you Wokies just how dumb those opinions and actions are.
I couldn’t help but feel like I was a young man in Metroplex, Texas, reading J. R. “Bob” Dobbs’s Book of the SubGenius. Like SubGenius, the objective of Guide to Wokeness is not to start a new religion, but to satirize an extant and pervasive cult. Regrettably and comically, Dobb’s book spawned a cult which walks the halls of obscurity and some may ridicule followers of Babylon Bee for the same. However, the fallback authoritative text for Christian adherents will not be the Guide to Wokeness, but the Bible.
The way the book is laid out is genius (or “subgenius”). Each chapter takes on an alienable woke-ist tenet and exposes it, bit by bit, bullet point by bullet point. Stylized (really, dehumanized) graphics accompany each imaginative tidbit like what one would see in a cold, bureaucratic training session. The imagery combines Wall Street Journal pixel art with road signs, giving the reader a nostalgic journey down a US Highway with stop lights and warnings at every intersection. It gives new meaning to the word “intersectionality” in that there will be danger and distraction at each highway corner, making the American happiness pursuit much longer than it needs to be.
Personally, after having tried with fits and starts to master a method of my own copyrightable satire, I like this better than Branco’s awkwardly medieval one-panel cartoons, Glenn Beck’s ADD ramblings, or even Ted Cruz’s Reaganesque deadpan. This is Ben Franklin skewering George III without George III even knowing what hit him. This could be Wokeism’s “You should be ashamed of yourself, Senator McCarthy" moment.
The book cannot be ingested all at once. It is like a Farmer’s Almanac that one references in coffee shop conversations. So bear that in mind as you monitor your politics intake. The very fact that it is a parody of a religious way of life exposes the fact that the authors doubt themselves doubting the doubtful. That is really my only criticism of the work. After you realize the formula for satirizing the satirized, it becomes like watching too many episodes of Monty Python’s Flying Circus in a row. If you think of it as a collection of Ben Franklin’s Greatest Hits you will enjoy this coffee table book all the more.
What follows is the takeaway verse for the Woke at the end of my sermon: James 1:6-8: But he must ask in faith without doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed around by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord, since he is a double-minded individual, unstable in all his ways.
As a cancel-culture-cancelled history critic and philomath, I couldn’t resist the opportunity to review a book I attempted to write many times, but just couldn’t get that satire thing down. Leave it to the Babylon Bee’s Kyle Mann to effectively assume the spirit of Ben Franklin by casually entering the back door of the MSM and Academia’s cult headquarters to show them just how immensely anti-American their views are: The Babylon Bee Guide to Wokeness.
The cancel and woke cultures have gone too far. They’ve taken average American Joes like myself and relegated them to the Little League dugout of influencer media. It’s not fair. This is America, by Gum. Stop turning my America upside-down. I’ve listened to your opinions all day long, year after year, without comment. What you want is dumb and extreme, what you say is dumb and flatulent, and most of what you do even with the best of intentions is dumb and harmful. It’s about time a widely-published-and-distributed work showed you Wokies just how dumb those opinions and actions are.
I couldn’t help but feel like I was a young man in Metroplex, Texas, reading J. R. “Bob” Dobbs’s Book of the SubGenius. Like SubGenius, the objective of Guide to Wokeness is not to start a new religion, but to satirize an extant and pervasive cult. Regrettably and comically, Dobb’s book spawned a cult which walks the halls of obscurity and some may ridicule followers of Babylon Bee for the same. However, the fallback authoritative text for Christian adherents will not be the Guide to Wokeness, but the Bible.
The way the book is laid out is genius (or “subgenius”). Each chapter takes on an alienable woke-ist tenet and exposes it, bit by bit, bullet point by bullet point. Stylized (really, dehumanized) graphics accompany each imaginative tidbit like what one would see in a cold, bureaucratic training session. The imagery combines Wall Street Journal pixel art with road signs, giving the reader a nostalgic journey down a US Highway with stop lights and warnings at every intersection. It gives new meaning to the word “intersectionality” in that there will be danger and distraction at each highway corner, making the American happiness pursuit much longer than it needs to be.
Personally, after having tried with fits and starts to master a method of my own copyrightable satire, I like this better than Branco’s awkwardly medieval one-panel cartoons, Glenn Beck’s ADD ramblings, or even Ted Cruz’s Reaganesque deadpan. This is Ben Franklin skewering George III without George III even knowing what hit him. This could be Wokeism’s “You should be ashamed of yourself, Senator McCarthy" moment.
The book cannot be ingested all at once. It is like a Farmer’s Almanac that one references in coffee shop conversations. So bear that in mind as you monitor your politics intake. The very fact that it is a parody of a religious way of life exposes the fact that the authors doubt themselves doubting the doubtful. That is really my only criticism of the work. After you realize the formula for satirizing the satirized, it becomes like watching too many episodes of Monty Python’s Flying Circus in a row. If you think of it as a collection of Ben Franklin’s Greatest Hits you will enjoy this coffee table book all the more.
What follows is the takeaway verse for the Woke at the end of my sermon: James 1:6-8: But he must ask in faith without doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed around by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord, since he is a double-minded individual, unstable in all his ways.
February 20, 2022
As a follower of the Babylon Bee on various social media platforms, I was excited to receive this book as a gift from a friend. I was not disappointed with the content, which brought me great entertainment along with plenty of smiles and laughter and joy.
November 4, 2021
I’m hardly the target demographic for this book my own politics are decidedly left wing after all but that doesn’t preclude appreciation for good humor and certainly not humor that satirizes the left. Charlie Kaufman’s novel Antkind mocks the same pretensions as The Babylon Bee’s Guide to Wokeness so well my fellow shuttle riders no doubt thought I was deranged as I was laughing so hard. The late-great Marty Feldman of Young Frankenstein fame could charm the hell out of even the most humorless of Trotskyites.
What am I supposed to do with something like this?
“Racism is bad, but you know what’s worse than racism? Secret racism. Many of us who go about our lives thinking we don’t hate people for their race are actually secret racists. The racism is just below the surface, simmering like a delicious beef stew in a Crockpot. The kind of stew your mom leaves on for twelve hours and you can smell it simmering throughout the house all day, making your mouth water as you think about dinner time.”
Is this supposed to be satirical?
Is this a shaggy dog story?
Am I being given a recipe for crockpot stew?
Some attempt at hybridization?
I don’t expect a working philosophy from humor regardless of political belief and I think therein lies the rub. The Babylon Bee works by telling a joke and then explaining that joke. They don’t finish explaining that first joke before they tell another which they then explain and so on.
Now, it’s also worth pointing out that the goal here is to not make the audience laugh. It’s to make the *correct* audience laugh *correctly.*
You’re not supposed to laugh at the insecurities of the comic as in stand-up. You’re not supposed to come up with your own idea of what “secret racism” looks like. There’s no leveling aspect where everyone gets to feel a little silly. You’re supposed to laugh at how “secret racism” is like mother’s beef stew even though the idea of a “simmering pot” is so cliche it’s part of the instructions on the back of a soup can.
The book just doesn’t trust its audience which is the necessary thing for humor to work. Observe:
“You know what’s worse than racism? Secret racism.”
Cut.
Gone is everything else from the excerpt I showed. Granted, this doesn’t entirely work either but the improvement is that each individual in the book’s audience can come up with their own idea of what “secret racism” is far better than any other individual could describe.
But, having waded through comments of Babylon Bee fans, and many of their articles I don’t think there are actual people who truly laugh at its output. The Babylon Bee isn’t about humor so much as it’s about being the opposite of that smug self-righteousness it’s ostensibly skewering. It’s about laughing at the imaginary people who are “triggered” by the purchase. Instead of being consistently outraged by marketing shifts, and Nicki Minaj’s cousin’s friends testicles it’s a way to put that outrage on someone else which is understandable. I cannot imagine the energy it takes to be constantly mad at fictitious liberals instead of the Hasbro executives who took away Mister Potato Head’s potato schlong. I imagine it must be exhausting enough to almost make the Babylon Bee funny.
What am I supposed to do with something like this?
“Racism is bad, but you know what’s worse than racism? Secret racism. Many of us who go about our lives thinking we don’t hate people for their race are actually secret racists. The racism is just below the surface, simmering like a delicious beef stew in a Crockpot. The kind of stew your mom leaves on for twelve hours and you can smell it simmering throughout the house all day, making your mouth water as you think about dinner time.”
Is this supposed to be satirical?
Is this a shaggy dog story?
Am I being given a recipe for crockpot stew?
Some attempt at hybridization?
I don’t expect a working philosophy from humor regardless of political belief and I think therein lies the rub. The Babylon Bee works by telling a joke and then explaining that joke. They don’t finish explaining that first joke before they tell another which they then explain and so on.
Now, it’s also worth pointing out that the goal here is to not make the audience laugh. It’s to make the *correct* audience laugh *correctly.*
You’re not supposed to laugh at the insecurities of the comic as in stand-up. You’re not supposed to come up with your own idea of what “secret racism” looks like. There’s no leveling aspect where everyone gets to feel a little silly. You’re supposed to laugh at how “secret racism” is like mother’s beef stew even though the idea of a “simmering pot” is so cliche it’s part of the instructions on the back of a soup can.
The book just doesn’t trust its audience which is the necessary thing for humor to work. Observe:
“You know what’s worse than racism? Secret racism.”
Cut.
Gone is everything else from the excerpt I showed. Granted, this doesn’t entirely work either but the improvement is that each individual in the book’s audience can come up with their own idea of what “secret racism” is far better than any other individual could describe.
But, having waded through comments of Babylon Bee fans, and many of their articles I don’t think there are actual people who truly laugh at its output. The Babylon Bee isn’t about humor so much as it’s about being the opposite of that smug self-righteousness it’s ostensibly skewering. It’s about laughing at the imaginary people who are “triggered” by the purchase. Instead of being consistently outraged by marketing shifts, and Nicki Minaj’s cousin’s friends testicles it’s a way to put that outrage on someone else which is understandable. I cannot imagine the energy it takes to be constantly mad at fictitious liberals instead of the Hasbro executives who took away Mister Potato Head’s potato schlong. I imagine it must be exhausting enough to almost make the Babylon Bee funny.
October 21, 2021
Ever since the ascendence of the woke Democrats and their destructive socialist agenda of destroying American values and history, Babylon Bee has been my refuge from depression. Their daily cartoons cheer me, their piercing of radical hypocrisy so spot-on that I’ve often daydreamed about sitting in on their daily editorial meetings. I mean, how cool would that be?
Now comes The Babylon Bee Guide to Wokeness. In a single volume, the editors have managed to squeeze in the essential rebuttal to leftwing craziness, with huge dollops of the humor they are known for. With chapters on Racism, Brainwashing the Next Generation and How to Fight Fascism with Violence, they have exposed the duplicity of those running our country at the moment.
One of my favorite chapters was called Follow the SCIENCE, which argues that the divine words of SCIENCE, which has replaced religion, “are brought down to us by infallible people in white coats called scientists.” Of course we must accept their edicts without question. Although I found no mention of COVID or Fauci, there was much to ponder. The editors focused on climate change, caused by racism, homophobia, hamburgers and the nuclear family. Things you can do to combat climate change? “Drive an electric car, pay more taxes, or embrace communism.”
But as a historian of women’s suffrage, I was most bemused by the chapter on Feminism & Gender. Because women are perpetually oppressed, the best way to liberate them is to “turn them into men who sleep around, work grueling corporate jobs and avoid having kids” while “allowing men to become women, thereby making women irrelevant as a category of humanity.” Under this paradigm, wearing a pink knitted hat to represent your genitalia, getting an abortion, and shunning marriage are a must. As for LGBTQ+ people, they must be represented on 75% of all cast and characters in TV and film, they require that we defeat Mike Pence once and for all and that all kids have access to essential puberty blockers. A delightful part of this section was a sample list of possible genders, including A-Gender, B-Gender, Nonbinary and, my favorite, Two-Spirit.
Hope this book is a bestseller, to validate the observation by author Mary Pettibone Poole, “He who laughs, lasts.” As she didn’t change the pronouns, I guess she’s not woke. At least Babylon Bee is.
Now comes The Babylon Bee Guide to Wokeness. In a single volume, the editors have managed to squeeze in the essential rebuttal to leftwing craziness, with huge dollops of the humor they are known for. With chapters on Racism, Brainwashing the Next Generation and How to Fight Fascism with Violence, they have exposed the duplicity of those running our country at the moment.
One of my favorite chapters was called Follow the SCIENCE, which argues that the divine words of SCIENCE, which has replaced religion, “are brought down to us by infallible people in white coats called scientists.” Of course we must accept their edicts without question. Although I found no mention of COVID or Fauci, there was much to ponder. The editors focused on climate change, caused by racism, homophobia, hamburgers and the nuclear family. Things you can do to combat climate change? “Drive an electric car, pay more taxes, or embrace communism.”
But as a historian of women’s suffrage, I was most bemused by the chapter on Feminism & Gender. Because women are perpetually oppressed, the best way to liberate them is to “turn them into men who sleep around, work grueling corporate jobs and avoid having kids” while “allowing men to become women, thereby making women irrelevant as a category of humanity.” Under this paradigm, wearing a pink knitted hat to represent your genitalia, getting an abortion, and shunning marriage are a must. As for LGBTQ+ people, they must be represented on 75% of all cast and characters in TV and film, they require that we defeat Mike Pence once and for all and that all kids have access to essential puberty blockers. A delightful part of this section was a sample list of possible genders, including A-Gender, B-Gender, Nonbinary and, my favorite, Two-Spirit.
Hope this book is a bestseller, to validate the observation by author Mary Pettibone Poole, “He who laughs, lasts.” As she didn’t change the pronouns, I guess she’s not woke. At least Babylon Bee is.
October 26, 2021
You can watch my full review on YouTube at https://youtu.be/kv3beJTnxGA
To those who feel insane as you watch our culture rush into Marxism and your jaw drops as businesses and homes are burned down in acts of mostly peaceful, the Babylon Bee has arrived to provide you with a renewed perspective in the Babylon Bee: Guide to Wokeness.
The Babylon Bee may not be the hero any of us wanted for this time with their biting and sarcastic form of humor, but they are the hero we need. To stand up against the dive into Wokeness by shedding light on the insanity of the Woke world.
The Babylon Bee’s Guide to Wokeness is a hilarious step by step guidebook in how to become Woke. But this guidebook reminds those who still have their sanity of the insanity of the Woke movement.
By using satire, the Bee sheds light much needed light on how intersectionality pushes a racist mindset, the Woke encourage segregation like the KKK in the 1950s, feminism aattacks women, microaggression are just dumb, follow the science is a religion that destroys the scientific process and more.
I am pretty sure I laughed out loud reading this book more than any other book I have read since a Jim Gaffigan book.
To those who feel insane as you watch our culture rush into Marxism and your jaw drops as businesses and homes are burned down in acts of mostly peaceful, the Babylon Bee has arrived to provide you with a renewed perspective in the Babylon Bee: Guide to Wokeness.
The Babylon Bee may not be the hero any of us wanted for this time with their biting and sarcastic form of humor, but they are the hero we need. To stand up against the dive into Wokeness by shedding light on the insanity of the Woke world.
The Babylon Bee’s Guide to Wokeness is a hilarious step by step guidebook in how to become Woke. But this guidebook reminds those who still have their sanity of the insanity of the Woke movement.
By using satire, the Bee sheds light much needed light on how intersectionality pushes a racist mindset, the Woke encourage segregation like the KKK in the 1950s, feminism aattacks women, microaggression are just dumb, follow the science is a religion that destroys the scientific process and more.
I am pretty sure I laughed out loud reading this book more than any other book I have read since a Jim Gaffigan book.
October 18, 2021
The Babylon Bee Guide to Wokeness is the most fun self-help book that I’ve ever read. It’s full of witty satire that pokes fun at the hypocrisy of today’s WOKE. This should be required reading for college students. It is a fun way to create a discussion about what otherwise might be a difficult subject to approach with the young Marxist in your life. If you can’t laugh at this book, you know you are WOKE.
October 23, 2021
Get woke? I definitely needed this tutorial. Now I know the proper terms to converse, and to understand what I see and hear on a daily basis. I am ready to apologize for all my evil origins, intentions and ways; I have seen the light. The infographics made everything clear.
Seriously, though, I laughed all the way through this book and will definitely read it again and again. It’s so funny because it is so true - defining and explaining wokeness is extremely funny because it is nonsensical. This should replace many college textbooks; it would be cheaper and much more direct.
Seriously, though, I laughed all the way through this book and will definitely read it again and again. It’s so funny because it is so true - defining and explaining wokeness is extremely funny because it is nonsensical. This should replace many college textbooks; it would be cheaper and much more direct.
October 21, 2021
At first glance, one will find The Babylon Bee Guide to Wokeness is presented along the same lines as their other wonderful tomes, for example, The Babylon Bee: The Sacred Texts. The Guide outlines its content in 12 easy-to-digest chapters, covering such universally pertinent topics such as “Race,” “Feminism & Gender,” and “The True Story of American History;” and helpful instructional chapters such as “How to Fight Fascism with Violence” and “Brainwashing the Next Generation”. The authors even provide a helpful “Glossary of Wokeness,” so that readers may double check their understanding at any time, as well as for future reference when going out into the world.
One most useful resource is the Instersectionality Matrix, as I personally have been struggling for some time coming to grips with all the ways that humans are different, and yet have those intersections of privileges and disadvantages. The authors present a multi-layered Venn diagram that beautifully clarifies the absolutely crucial issue of Intersectionality and Identity. From Whiteness and Nationality, to Scream Volume and Hairlips, not to mention the essential Leather Pants; Gender and Nationality to Psychotic Eyepatch, the Matrix covers it all! My comprehension of these issues has been transformed!
Needless to say, the Guide is a veritable storehouse of explanations, suggestions, and helpful tips, packed to the gills with handsome visuals, graphics, and illustrations. Readers looking to deepen their understanding of what it is to be woke will not be disappointed.
It is quite possible that all Wokie-McWoke Faces may take truck with this book, but I say onto you: educate yourself with this Guide as soon as possible. You won’t regret a single chapter, nay, word. Or Venn Diagram. Highly recommended.
One most useful resource is the Instersectionality Matrix, as I personally have been struggling for some time coming to grips with all the ways that humans are different, and yet have those intersections of privileges and disadvantages. The authors present a multi-layered Venn diagram that beautifully clarifies the absolutely crucial issue of Intersectionality and Identity. From Whiteness and Nationality, to Scream Volume and Hairlips, not to mention the essential Leather Pants; Gender and Nationality to Psychotic Eyepatch, the Matrix covers it all! My comprehension of these issues has been transformed!
Needless to say, the Guide is a veritable storehouse of explanations, suggestions, and helpful tips, packed to the gills with handsome visuals, graphics, and illustrations. Readers looking to deepen their understanding of what it is to be woke will not be disappointed.
It is quite possible that all Wokie-McWoke Faces may take truck with this book, but I say onto you: educate yourself with this Guide as soon as possible. You won’t regret a single chapter, nay, word. Or Venn Diagram. Highly recommended.
October 23, 2021
As Kyle Mann likes to say: That's the same Joke!
(I received an advanced reader copy from The Babylon Bee, but I paid for it.)
This is the same brilliant satire you tend to get from the Babylon Bee's website, condensed into a harder-to-conceal-to-take-into-the-bathroom-at-work paper form. It has some great corporate style graphics, handy drill-downs to check your white privilege, and to know your oppression factor - but it's all the same joke.
It has some amusing anecdotes, and insights such as 'Basically, we just took out the long, complicated words “bourgeoisie” and “proletariat” and replaced them with “white people” and “people of color.”' which is nearly a direct parallel to the WOKENESS that prevails, but overall, it's fairly glib, lacking the biting satirical nature of their "single page" humor on the site.
Is this a great book? It could be better. Is it a good book? Absolutely. Would it make a good stocking stuffer for anyone who still has a MAGA hat? Certainly. It could still use a bit of polish.
(I received an advanced reader copy from The Babylon Bee, but I paid for it.)
This is the same brilliant satire you tend to get from the Babylon Bee's website, condensed into a harder-to-conceal-to-take-into-the-bathroom-at-work paper form. It has some great corporate style graphics, handy drill-downs to check your white privilege, and to know your oppression factor - but it's all the same joke.
It has some amusing anecdotes, and insights such as 'Basically, we just took out the long, complicated words “bourgeoisie” and “proletariat” and replaced them with “white people” and “people of color.”' which is nearly a direct parallel to the WOKENESS that prevails, but overall, it's fairly glib, lacking the biting satirical nature of their "single page" humor on the site.
Is this a great book? It could be better. Is it a good book? Absolutely. Would it make a good stocking stuffer for anyone who still has a MAGA hat? Certainly. It could still use a bit of polish.
January 23, 2022
Funny, but also kind of depressing since it's an accurate reflection of the "woke" mess we're in now. So I found it hard to laugh a lot of times.
April 20, 2024
Sometimes laughter is the best way to confront a world gone mad.
"A merry heart doeth good like a medicine."
"A merry heart doeth good like a medicine."
December 27, 2023
Afraid you don't fit in with your family? Your friends and peers? Do you think you're not woke enough to be one of them?
Well I got the perfect solution for you!
Introducing The Babylon Bee Guide to Wokeness!
This AMAZING piece of literature is the perfect handbook to teach you everything you need to know about going woke.
You'll learn the truth of American history (Abraham Lincoln was actually racist and wanted all the slaves for himself!), the difference between good and bad science, how to recognize microaggressions in everyday life, how to truly know if you're a racist (I'm sorry if you're white because you were born racist and there's nothing you can do about it), and much much more.
There are also lots of great tools to set you out on your woke journey; Like a huge list of genders to choose from, (Some of my favorites are Trans-Fat and Chicken Tenderqueer.) A list of pronouns to choose from, (I'm so glad they included Ourses/Theirses considering I identify as a Sméagol.) And they even have an oppression identifier which has really helped me. (I'm a Huge-Gummed Pansexual Muslim Who Can't Spell For Crap, so respc meh)
All in all this wonderful book has given me new "woke lenses" that let me see the world through a new way.
I'm always right and you're always wrong unless you agree with me, and if you don't, go shoot yourself and lessen the population, especially if you're white.
Thank you Babylon Bee for making me a new, loving, and inclusive person!
Well I got the perfect solution for you!
Introducing The Babylon Bee Guide to Wokeness!
This AMAZING piece of literature is the perfect handbook to teach you everything you need to know about going woke.
You'll learn the truth of American history (Abraham Lincoln was actually racist and wanted all the slaves for himself!), the difference between good and bad science, how to recognize microaggressions in everyday life, how to truly know if you're a racist (I'm sorry if you're white because you were born racist and there's nothing you can do about it), and much much more.
There are also lots of great tools to set you out on your woke journey; Like a huge list of genders to choose from, (Some of my favorites are Trans-Fat and Chicken Tenderqueer.) A list of pronouns to choose from, (I'm so glad they included Ourses/Theirses considering I identify as a Sméagol.) And they even have an oppression identifier which has really helped me. (I'm a Huge-Gummed Pansexual Muslim Who Can't Spell For Crap, so respc meh)
All in all this wonderful book has given me new "woke lenses" that let me see the world through a new way.
I'm always right and you're always wrong unless you agree with me, and if you don't, go shoot yourself and lessen the population, especially if you're white.
Thank you Babylon Bee for making me a new, loving, and inclusive person!
October 15, 2021
Yep, it’s another Babylon Bee classic. I will admit that I received an advance copy in exchange for writing a review. I finished the book in one sitting, a testimony to its easy read format but also a nod to its predictability (from an avid Babylon Bee follower’s perspective).
The presentation is soft in comparison to the Saul Alinsky 12 Rules format. Although the goal of Alinsky was a call to external action whereas the Wokeness Guide is more of a guide to self-flagellation to achieve the goal of self-wokeness.
So, I doubt if the book will actually drive wokeness crazed activists to follow its tenets, but it does provide the anti-wokeness crowd with a chuckle and a sideways glimpse at the dark side.
I do marvel at the tenacity of the Bee’s staff to focus on a topic with painstaking meticulous effort and grind out quality insights on each and every page of the Guide.
It’s a fun read and worthy of placing on the coffee table to tempt progressive family members to pick it up and reflect on their printed image.
The presentation is soft in comparison to the Saul Alinsky 12 Rules format. Although the goal of Alinsky was a call to external action whereas the Wokeness Guide is more of a guide to self-flagellation to achieve the goal of self-wokeness.
So, I doubt if the book will actually drive wokeness crazed activists to follow its tenets, but it does provide the anti-wokeness crowd with a chuckle and a sideways glimpse at the dark side.
I do marvel at the tenacity of the Bee’s staff to focus on a topic with painstaking meticulous effort and grind out quality insights on each and every page of the Guide.
It’s a fun read and worthy of placing on the coffee table to tempt progressive family members to pick it up and reflect on their printed image.
December 20, 2021
Highly entertaining and truthful! Truth in jest as they say. Satire is at its finest here. This will stay on my coffee table for a very long time and continue to entertain and educate my family and guests! Long live Babylon Bee! 🐝
November 1, 2022
One of the funniest books I ever read. It's a book parody of the woke culture and requires a high level of sarcasm. A Chandler Bing-level of sarcasm. Sarcasm should be a compulsory subject in schools.
October 27, 2021
I was introduced to the Babylon Bee when a patron donated to our church something called “The Sacred Texts of the Babylon Bee”. That weighty, beautiful volume provided this needy teacher with a guidebook for understanding the topsy-turvy world into which my brother priests and I were thrust into because of the pandemic of 2020.
From that donated Sacred Texts book, I have created dozens of lessons that have helped over 9,000 unemployed Simplex Priests regain sanity, self-respect and gainful employment. I have a lot of respect for that book. It never leaves my sight.
So, when I received my advanced copy of “The Babylon Bee Guide to Wokeness” I was hoping for similar quality and helpful guidance. I prayed to God that this new volume would also help me in my mission to painlessly laicize these good men who were so callously tossed into the streets. I am happy to report that this book exceeded my dreams. Much emotional pain will be dissolved or avoided as I share the wisdom contained within its colorful covers.
Organized into twelve chapters, same as the number of apostles, each chapter is an encounter with an aspect of a new social reality. The editors shed brilliant light on some very painful topics, the very same problems that I must discuss with my fellow unemployed priests as part of their outplacement process.
The book covers topics such as: how this new society worships the earth, how they discover their inner oppression, why they believe that their color is their character, even “their” entertainment is just another propaganda opportunity. It’s a heavy, different world these men are walking into and I am going to do my best to help them cope.
These unemployed priests are all innocent, “straight arrows”: they don’t have a chance of survival in this new world. I am hoping that “The Babylon Bee Guide to Wokeness” can help me explain to them these new perverted ways of the land.
I’m confident the lessons I’m developing from this guide will help my brother priests. The pedagogy seems solid. The book is filled with colorful graphics and hands-on tools which I will use in my lessons. Additionally, since these men are all self-admittedly low-IQ individuals, the copious illustrations bring sometimes difficult and abstract concepts down to “idiot’s level”, which is exactly the reading level required. (Ever try to explain “intersectionality” to a group of men possessing barely a sixth-grade education? One graphic I swiped from the book beautifully achieved that educational objective in minutes! I was amazed how quickly and firmly they grasped it.)
To the editors of this guide, I extend a hearty congratulations. Be assured that the insights you shared in this book have already lessened emotional pain and improved the lives of thousands of unemployed Simplex priests around the country. You have rendered to my brothers a great service. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your good work.
Sincerely, Mark Renhaus, SP, Director of Outplacement Services, Holy Order of Simplex, Albany, NY.
From that donated Sacred Texts book, I have created dozens of lessons that have helped over 9,000 unemployed Simplex Priests regain sanity, self-respect and gainful employment. I have a lot of respect for that book. It never leaves my sight.
So, when I received my advanced copy of “The Babylon Bee Guide to Wokeness” I was hoping for similar quality and helpful guidance. I prayed to God that this new volume would also help me in my mission to painlessly laicize these good men who were so callously tossed into the streets. I am happy to report that this book exceeded my dreams. Much emotional pain will be dissolved or avoided as I share the wisdom contained within its colorful covers.
Organized into twelve chapters, same as the number of apostles, each chapter is an encounter with an aspect of a new social reality. The editors shed brilliant light on some very painful topics, the very same problems that I must discuss with my fellow unemployed priests as part of their outplacement process.
The book covers topics such as: how this new society worships the earth, how they discover their inner oppression, why they believe that their color is their character, even “their” entertainment is just another propaganda opportunity. It’s a heavy, different world these men are walking into and I am going to do my best to help them cope.
These unemployed priests are all innocent, “straight arrows”: they don’t have a chance of survival in this new world. I am hoping that “The Babylon Bee Guide to Wokeness” can help me explain to them these new perverted ways of the land.
I’m confident the lessons I’m developing from this guide will help my brother priests. The pedagogy seems solid. The book is filled with colorful graphics and hands-on tools which I will use in my lessons. Additionally, since these men are all self-admittedly low-IQ individuals, the copious illustrations bring sometimes difficult and abstract concepts down to “idiot’s level”, which is exactly the reading level required. (Ever try to explain “intersectionality” to a group of men possessing barely a sixth-grade education? One graphic I swiped from the book beautifully achieved that educational objective in minutes! I was amazed how quickly and firmly they grasped it.)
To the editors of this guide, I extend a hearty congratulations. Be assured that the insights you shared in this book have already lessened emotional pain and improved the lives of thousands of unemployed Simplex priests around the country. You have rendered to my brothers a great service. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your good work.
Sincerely, Mark Renhaus, SP, Director of Outplacement Services, Holy Order of Simplex, Albany, NY.
October 21, 2021
Babylon Bee’s Guide to Wokeness is more than just a simple commentary on today’s society and inevitable future. It is incredibly witty, intelligent, and [flowerbed]ing hilarious. The graphs and side comments are particularly humorous. Through the humor, the authors illustrate the faulty (non-existent?) logic of woke culture and warn against continuing forward towards culture-wide wokeism.
October 15, 2021
A ‘how to’ motivational and instructive view of what each of us needs to, if not thrive in today’s society, at least survive and even seek a government office, a bartender position, or become a noted artist. The instruction suggests that the solution is for white people to work on white anti-racist development and to accept their “guilt and shame” and that “white is not right.” Functioning is focused on shredding any feelings for others, their needs, their beliefs, their well-being,…central to this, the point is driven home in example after example. One merely must surrender to the fact that it’s not your fault, it’s their fault. If everyone became as aware as you are after learning these facts then they would be just like you in every situation. There, a perfect world! This does NOT apply if you are white.
October 15, 2021
Be prepared to be #morewoke. Yes, it's #satire - so this is a funny and (sadly too often) true book.
This is the one book you should NOT burn! Instead I suggest that you share it (as all good Comrades would) with your family and friends (at least those you haven't canceled)!
You'll be able to pick it up on Amazon.com on Nov. 2, or maybe plunder a book store during your next protest (after 11/2, or you'll have to go back and pillage again)
#clapping-hands-emoji x100 Read it and #Learn
Edit: I paid full price for this book at Amazon.com, and am reviewing an advance digital copy.
This is the one book you should NOT burn! Instead I suggest that you share it (as all good Comrades would) with your family and friends (at least those you haven't canceled)!
You'll be able to pick it up on Amazon.com on Nov. 2, or maybe plunder a book store during your next protest (after 11/2, or you'll have to go back and pillage again)
#clapping-hands-emoji x100 Read it and #Learn
Edit: I paid full price for this book at Amazon.com, and am reviewing an advance digital copy.
October 17, 2021
This is a MUST READ for all, woke and non-woke alike!
As a middle-aged Boomer, I was increasingly baffled by the “woke” manifesto.
The Babylon Bee Guide to Wokeness effectively translates Wokenese ramblings so that everyday people can understand. And it is skillfully interpreted through the Bee’s classic sardonic humor.
This study guide has enlightened my understanding beyond words. And for that, I am eternally grateful.
As a middle-aged Boomer, I was increasingly baffled by the “woke” manifesto.
The Babylon Bee Guide to Wokeness effectively translates Wokenese ramblings so that everyday people can understand. And it is skillfully interpreted through the Bee’s classic sardonic humor.
This study guide has enlightened my understanding beyond words. And for that, I am eternally grateful.
October 14, 2021
Humor is important; this book exemplifies that. Our society needs to hear a point of view that presents the logical inconsistencies of ideas so that we are aware of its inadequacy. Besides being humorous, this book would make the reader think and evaluate the current state of our society.
October 27, 2021
If you are wondering how to survive in today's woke culture, than you have to read The Babylon Bee Guide to Wokeness. It is the definitive guide to living your life as woke as possible. The editors have broken this confusing subject down into easily digestible sections that even Joe Biden can understand. It includes charts, graphics and even a game that will keep even the most distracted of snowflakes engaged. Whether it is learning to find you true identity, or step by step instructions for fighting Fascism, you should never stray far from this book, lest you find yourself in a situation where you wish you had the woke answers for the Cancel Culture mob.
This book is not only an invaluable guide to finding your way through this strange new world but it is quite funny as well. Most people view the woke as a mean-spirited depressed group of layabouts just waiting to pounce on the next un-woke person that gets in their way. Actually they are very funny people as this quote illustrates:
"Experts recommend getting a DNA test to make sure you are not literally Hitler."That is hilarious, and this book is filled with pearls of mirth just like this. Here is another amusing quote, this time from the Woke Glossary at the end of the book.
Victim= You. Me. Everyone. Except white people.The humor used in this book makes realizing how un-woke you are easier to take. I learned so much about the woke agenda that I can now start my journey to help re-make society! I believe that this book should be on every reading list for everything, everywhere. This is information the world must see.
Writer's note: Anyone familiar with the Babylon Bee knows it is the premier satire site in the world today. Therefore everyone must understand that this review was also a piece of satire. While I stand by my assessment that this book is easy to read, funny, well thought out and a must read, I also found it sad and disheartening, not because of any mistakes or a lack of logic but because of the fact that there are an increasing number of people and corporations in the world that think just like this. They may not spell it out so blatantly but it is there none the less. That said go out a buy this book, in fact buy multiple copies, both for your conservative friends to warn them and your woke friends to try to point out the error of their ways.
October 1, 2021
The Babylon Bee is a satire website. Anyone unafraid at poking fun at his/herself will find a chuckle worthy or even laugh out loud headline on the website. After reading other books such as Cynical Theories and Woke, Inc, I expected The Babylon Bee Guide to Wokeness to be a satirical take on the Woke movement. I am slightly disappointed.
The book fails as satire. My general take is that the book is modeled on an Antifa new member guide or perhaps a freshman handbook from Wesleyan University with the typical cutesy Babylon Bee style graphics. Yes, some of the graphics are funny but the text lacks “the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people's stupidity or vice.” There is some humor and mild exaggeration but most of the book reads like actual conversations I’ve had with the Woke.
Are the authors trying to teach something to the intended audience? The book is well organized and lays out the main tenets of Wokeism: intersectionality and identity, race and gender. It provides textbook definitions of the Woke and their obsession with oppression. The other chapters demonstrate the insidiousness of the philosophy as it infects our perception of history, social interactions, churches, SCIENCE, culture, entertainment and progeny. There is even a handy glossary at the end.
By all means, read the book if you are unsure about the Woke or other elements of their philosophy. Many Boomers are still confused by the term and believe it to be a new pharmaceutical to help them feel young and energized again. Entrepreneurs might even get some ideas for side hustles promoting previously unidentified oppressed groups. If you’re looking for satire, you’ll prefer the website but buy the book anyway to support the cause.
The book fails as satire. My general take is that the book is modeled on an Antifa new member guide or perhaps a freshman handbook from Wesleyan University with the typical cutesy Babylon Bee style graphics. Yes, some of the graphics are funny but the text lacks “the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people's stupidity or vice.” There is some humor and mild exaggeration but most of the book reads like actual conversations I’ve had with the Woke.
Are the authors trying to teach something to the intended audience? The book is well organized and lays out the main tenets of Wokeism: intersectionality and identity, race and gender. It provides textbook definitions of the Woke and their obsession with oppression. The other chapters demonstrate the insidiousness of the philosophy as it infects our perception of history, social interactions, churches, SCIENCE, culture, entertainment and progeny. There is even a handy glossary at the end.
By all means, read the book if you are unsure about the Woke or other elements of their philosophy. Many Boomers are still confused by the term and believe it to be a new pharmaceutical to help them feel young and energized again. Entrepreneurs might even get some ideas for side hustles promoting previously unidentified oppressed groups. If you’re looking for satire, you’ll prefer the website but buy the book anyway to support the cause.
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