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Surviving Dirty John
Now that articles, podcasts, newsmagazines, and miniseries have had their sensationalistic say, Debra Newell, the one woman who truly knows what it was like to survive “Dirty John” Meehan shares the full story—the reality—with the world for the first time.
Debra Newell is nothing if not a survivor. By the time she met John Michael Meehan online, she lived through a near-fatal childhood illness, an attempted rape in her 20s, the traumatic death of her sister at the hands of her brother-in-law, four failed marriages, and a litany of dating disasters. But despite those tragedies, she seemed to have it all: adoring children, a successful business, a fabulous penthouse apartment.
But there was something missing: the blinding, all-consuming love she first read about to occupy her time in her childhood sickbed. And she thought she found it with John Meehan.
More than a tabloid-ready true-crime expose, Debra’s story is one of trauma, denial, and deception. But it is also a relatable, inspirational, and hopeful story of forgiveness and, most of all, love. The lengths to which a woman will go to find—and keep—love; the boundaries children and parents cross to protect and save the people they love; the love one must find for oneself; and the ways the illusion of love can be used to manipulate and hurt.
Told in Debra’s words with the help of New York Times bestselling author M. William Phelps, this book is filled with exclusive stories about Debra and her family, previously unpublished photos, and the unvarnished, unapologetic, and unbelievable reality of Surviving Dirty John.
Debra Newell is nothing if not a survivor. By the time she met John Michael Meehan online, she lived through a near-fatal childhood illness, an attempted rape in her 20s, the traumatic death of her sister at the hands of her brother-in-law, four failed marriages, and a litany of dating disasters. But despite those tragedies, she seemed to have it all: adoring children, a successful business, a fabulous penthouse apartment.
But there was something missing: the blinding, all-consuming love she first read about to occupy her time in her childhood sickbed. And she thought she found it with John Meehan.
More than a tabloid-ready true-crime expose, Debra’s story is one of trauma, denial, and deception. But it is also a relatable, inspirational, and hopeful story of forgiveness and, most of all, love. The lengths to which a woman will go to find—and keep—love; the boundaries children and parents cross to protect and save the people they love; the love one must find for oneself; and the ways the illusion of love can be used to manipulate and hurt.
Told in Debra’s words with the help of New York Times bestselling author M. William Phelps, this book is filled with exclusive stories about Debra and her family, previously unpublished photos, and the unvarnished, unapologetic, and unbelievable reality of Surviving Dirty John.
324 pages, Paperback
First published August 31, 2021
114 people are currently reading
2721 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 168 reviews
October 20, 2021
Barely survived dirty john!
I know the author asked for no judgment but come on. She chose to be naive and ignore all the signs popping up all around her with this monster. I also felt she bragged way too much. It was not necessary to give all the dollar amounts and my Tesla and my home this and that! I found it very hard to be sympathetic to her circumstances. If she was really that clueless she has no sense of her surroundings. She's very fortunate to still have her daughter alive and her family still around.
I know the author asked for no judgment but come on. She chose to be naive and ignore all the signs popping up all around her with this monster. I also felt she bragged way too much. It was not necessary to give all the dollar amounts and my Tesla and my home this and that! I found it very hard to be sympathetic to her circumstances. If she was really that clueless she has no sense of her surroundings. She's very fortunate to still have her daughter alive and her family still around.
June 14, 2021
My thoughts: This was a riveting read all the way through, especially the end part. Some of you may know the story from the dramatization of it shown on TV. That’s not the real story. This is what happened according to the woman who lived it, told in her own words and written with M. William Phelps, my favorite true crime author and guru. Advance electronic review copy was provided by NetGalley, author Debra Newell, and the publisher.
January 23, 2025
Stupidest person award goes to this woman!! It amazes me that she was successful in life. You must read it to comprehend how stupid she was. Her daughter even got shot as a result of her association with this particular man but she just had such bad taste in men. Unreal!,
July 17, 2023
3.25 ⭐️ — A True Crime story that’s dark, intense & filled with tension. Dirty John tells a well known, unique story of a woman whom is pulled into a web of lies, deceit, psychopathy & absolute abundance of gaslighting!
Having heard a lot of the podcast on this many years ago, I thought reading the book would be a good way to realign with the gripping story & perhaps enable me to learn more details in depth about how it was this horrible, evil man was able to lure Debra in with such unmitigated ease!
"Dirty John" unearths the sordid affair with a rather meticulous eye for detail, leaving readers simultaneously intrigued and disturbed. It is at times, a captivating chronicle delves into the twisted machinations of John Meehan's malevolence, a man who masked sinister intentions behind a beguiling facade.
The author's strength, lies in the art of journalistic storytelling, intertwining facts & narrative to unveil a chilling tale. The revelations of deceit, manipulation, and violence unfold like a symphony of dark emotions, captivating at a consistent rate, another key is the exploration of the human psyche, both victim and perpetrator, is profound, eliciting contemplation on the frailty of trust and the depths of depravity.
However, amidst the compelling exposé, the narrative occasionally falters with pacing inconsistencies, leading to moments of stagnation. The depth of some peripheral characters remains underexplored, leaving a sense of incompleteness in the narrative arc.
In conclusion, "Dirty John" is a haunting odyssey into the heart of true crime, blending journalistic rigor with storytelling finesse. While its captivating allure is undeniable, it may not entirely satiate the craving for a comprehensive understanding of the minds behind the malevolence. Many readers may also continue to find it difficult to see how Debra wasn’t able to see signs, but for me — this is not a judgment for anyone outside of the situation itself & whilst it may impact the engagement in the narrative for some, it ultimately is her story to tell & it is told with brutal detail.
Having heard a lot of the podcast on this many years ago, I thought reading the book would be a good way to realign with the gripping story & perhaps enable me to learn more details in depth about how it was this horrible, evil man was able to lure Debra in with such unmitigated ease!
"Dirty John" unearths the sordid affair with a rather meticulous eye for detail, leaving readers simultaneously intrigued and disturbed. It is at times, a captivating chronicle delves into the twisted machinations of John Meehan's malevolence, a man who masked sinister intentions behind a beguiling facade.
The author's strength, lies in the art of journalistic storytelling, intertwining facts & narrative to unveil a chilling tale. The revelations of deceit, manipulation, and violence unfold like a symphony of dark emotions, captivating at a consistent rate, another key is the exploration of the human psyche, both victim and perpetrator, is profound, eliciting contemplation on the frailty of trust and the depths of depravity.
However, amidst the compelling exposé, the narrative occasionally falters with pacing inconsistencies, leading to moments of stagnation. The depth of some peripheral characters remains underexplored, leaving a sense of incompleteness in the narrative arc.
In conclusion, "Dirty John" is a haunting odyssey into the heart of true crime, blending journalistic rigor with storytelling finesse. While its captivating allure is undeniable, it may not entirely satiate the craving for a comprehensive understanding of the minds behind the malevolence. Many readers may also continue to find it difficult to see how Debra wasn’t able to see signs, but for me — this is not a judgment for anyone outside of the situation itself & whilst it may impact the engagement in the narrative for some, it ultimately is her story to tell & it is told with brutal detail.
August 20, 2022
I really do not want to judge this woman. What she has gone through is horrendous but REALLY? Do men need to wear variously colored neon arrows before she learns from her mistaken relationships? I suppose I say this from the other side of the teeter totter. I trust no man. When I was younger my philosophy was “a man is either cheating, out of jail, or has an addiction”. And all of these years later it still stands. Sometimes a woman can get really lucky and hit a trifecta!
May 9, 2022
Please. No excuse for her TERRIBLE CHOICES
This book looked interesting when I read the synopsis. I also saw the not so great reviews that I felt were probably too tough on Debbie. They weren't. They weren't tough ENOUGH.
I'm not "judging" her; as I've been married more than once and less than ten times, as I joke. But yes, I've been married and divorced, but NOT ONCE did I come close to marrying potential killers or liars, stalkers, or ex cons, or.... ANYONE close to the band of dangerous psychopaths this woman managed to find. She could have married Ted Bundy and said "but he was so sweet and so handsome and was going to be a lawyer .. so I......."
I have a book ALL women should read if they're dating a man and want to be sure they won't lose their money., or their kids, or their reputation as a sane person. It's called "When In Doubt, Check Him Out."
I know she said "Don't believe the series BRAVO made about my case, let me tell you what REALLY happened."
I've never heard of her or her case, NEVER. so I had ZERO preconceived notions. None.
Yes, I've married men that were not right for me, but AT least none of them tried to take a penny from me, alienate me from my kids, hurt me, they'd never been in prison, their professions were what they said they were..... on and on.
What is the MATTER with this woman? Oh, and her MOTHER? If you read this book, you'll know what I mean regarding her mother.
Debbie's childhood was DANDY. Mine? Not so much. I was out of the house and on my own at age 16. My siblings and I had all the things we needed, but as the only girl, surrounded by by brothers, it but in my parent's views, boys=good, girls= who cares. Really.
It was tough. No loving support, no encouragement, just a will deep inside of me to make a better life for myself. And I did. I've been married to a surgeon and hospital commander and f!ight surgeon for the ANG.
Our marriage has been based on trust, mutual interests, values, sense of humor, the willingness to put ourselves first, yet let our grown children from previous marriages know they were loved and mattered as much as they always had been. I knew my husband for 8 months before we were married. And we've been married 28 wonderful years.
So, when Debbie meets " Dirty John" via an online dating site, one of my first thoughts was " what's she trolling an online dating site for? She's wealthy, she's attractive, she should have lots and lots of friends”...... (but it seems she doesn't. She barely mentions any, male or female).
I love it when someone writes " I don't want to BRAG", and then proceeds to brag. Describing herself as having "long, thick, flowing blonde hair, hazel eyes, and a great figure" well, that sounds like bragging to me.
If a man looks like a dirtbag on the FIRST DATE, chances are he won't be cleaning up anytime soon. If he claims he's a physician, I'd want to know what hospitals employ him, and you know, ALL THOSE TEDIOUS DETAILS. And anesthesiologists don’t normally have a bunch of blood on their scrubs.
But that Debbie! She spends a tremendous amount of time ASSUMING, and making excuses. Bad move.
I'm being flippant and sarcastic here, but bear with me.
This man's behavior was a huge "STAY AWAY" sign from the first date. Its like Debbie just wants to believe men are only interested in her looks and winning personality, not her money, and she's loaded. And she’s not what one would call “svelte.”
I can't believe the horrible, terrible, nonsensical decisions she made, over a man she KNEW was a liar, a thief, an ex con, and more. At her age, after three marriages (two that were to men who so obviously wanted her money and not her, and were violent to boot), you'd THINK she'd have wised up. But NOOOOO. How did he convince her to MARRY HIM after she KNEW what a lying psychopath he was? She’s VERY LUCKY to be alive and so are her daughters. She also lets us know she drives a TESLA about 15 times.
I can't write as much as I'd like because I'd spoil it for everyone, but I'm torn, I want to warn people, but if you spend way too much money buying the book, at least you'll probably learn that loneliness can do terrible things to people. Her two prior marriages ended up with her wonderful husbands suing her for all the money they could get.
Also, UNLIKE her psychologists said, IT WAS HER FAULT. Nothing in her past or her childhood can explain her behavior. She should stick to making money. She's good at it. Picking men? Not so much.
This book looked interesting when I read the synopsis. I also saw the not so great reviews that I felt were probably too tough on Debbie. They weren't. They weren't tough ENOUGH.
I'm not "judging" her; as I've been married more than once and less than ten times, as I joke. But yes, I've been married and divorced, but NOT ONCE did I come close to marrying potential killers or liars, stalkers, or ex cons, or.... ANYONE close to the band of dangerous psychopaths this woman managed to find. She could have married Ted Bundy and said "but he was so sweet and so handsome and was going to be a lawyer .. so I......."
I have a book ALL women should read if they're dating a man and want to be sure they won't lose their money., or their kids, or their reputation as a sane person. It's called "When In Doubt, Check Him Out."
I know she said "Don't believe the series BRAVO made about my case, let me tell you what REALLY happened."
I've never heard of her or her case, NEVER. so I had ZERO preconceived notions. None.
Yes, I've married men that were not right for me, but AT least none of them tried to take a penny from me, alienate me from my kids, hurt me, they'd never been in prison, their professions were what they said they were..... on and on.
What is the MATTER with this woman? Oh, and her MOTHER? If you read this book, you'll know what I mean regarding her mother.
Debbie's childhood was DANDY. Mine? Not so much. I was out of the house and on my own at age 16. My siblings and I had all the things we needed, but as the only girl, surrounded by by brothers, it but in my parent's views, boys=good, girls= who cares. Really.
It was tough. No loving support, no encouragement, just a will deep inside of me to make a better life for myself. And I did. I've been married to a surgeon and hospital commander and f!ight surgeon for the ANG.
Our marriage has been based on trust, mutual interests, values, sense of humor, the willingness to put ourselves first, yet let our grown children from previous marriages know they were loved and mattered as much as they always had been. I knew my husband for 8 months before we were married. And we've been married 28 wonderful years.
So, when Debbie meets " Dirty John" via an online dating site, one of my first thoughts was " what's she trolling an online dating site for? She's wealthy, she's attractive, she should have lots and lots of friends”...... (but it seems she doesn't. She barely mentions any, male or female).
I love it when someone writes " I don't want to BRAG", and then proceeds to brag. Describing herself as having "long, thick, flowing blonde hair, hazel eyes, and a great figure" well, that sounds like bragging to me.
If a man looks like a dirtbag on the FIRST DATE, chances are he won't be cleaning up anytime soon. If he claims he's a physician, I'd want to know what hospitals employ him, and you know, ALL THOSE TEDIOUS DETAILS. And anesthesiologists don’t normally have a bunch of blood on their scrubs.
But that Debbie! She spends a tremendous amount of time ASSUMING, and making excuses. Bad move.
I'm being flippant and sarcastic here, but bear with me.
This man's behavior was a huge "STAY AWAY" sign from the first date. Its like Debbie just wants to believe men are only interested in her looks and winning personality, not her money, and she's loaded. And she’s not what one would call “svelte.”
I can't believe the horrible, terrible, nonsensical decisions she made, over a man she KNEW was a liar, a thief, an ex con, and more. At her age, after three marriages (two that were to men who so obviously wanted her money and not her, and were violent to boot), you'd THINK she'd have wised up. But NOOOOO. How did he convince her to MARRY HIM after she KNEW what a lying psychopath he was? She’s VERY LUCKY to be alive and so are her daughters. She also lets us know she drives a TESLA about 15 times.
I can't write as much as I'd like because I'd spoil it for everyone, but I'm torn, I want to warn people, but if you spend way too much money buying the book, at least you'll probably learn that loneliness can do terrible things to people. Her two prior marriages ended up with her wonderful husbands suing her for all the money they could get.
Also, UNLIKE her psychologists said, IT WAS HER FAULT. Nothing in her past or her childhood can explain her behavior. She should stick to making money. She's good at it. Picking men? Not so much.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
December 15, 2021
My rating has nothing to do with Newell's experiences or judgement of her - at all. It's the book itself. I felt it could have had a tighter editor, and had a real opportunity to get the message out about coercive control (which felt like a footnote at the end).
Newell hints that she's had some pretty nasty comments judging her & and family - which is horrendous.
I felt that this lead her to 'justify' her behaviour in this book when she was telling her story. (with all the sensation of Dirty John series I'm sure it wasn't all accurate).
She repeats herself a lot, and mentions her wealth - which I didn't think was necessary - lots of cash, original artworks etc. I felt again that she was trying to 'justify' herself as 'not a dumb blonde'.
It was an opportunity to tell her story, in her words. It just left me disappointed.
Newell hints that she's had some pretty nasty comments judging her & and family - which is horrendous.
I felt that this lead her to 'justify' her behaviour in this book when she was telling her story. (with all the sensation of Dirty John series I'm sure it wasn't all accurate).
She repeats herself a lot, and mentions her wealth - which I didn't think was necessary - lots of cash, original artworks etc. I felt again that she was trying to 'justify' herself as 'not a dumb blonde'.
It was an opportunity to tell her story, in her words. It just left me disappointed.
April 30, 2022
This book is so poorly written that it was excruciating trying to finish it. Debra Newell is truly one of the dumbest women I have ever read about. She entered into 4 marriages with creeps and dated many creeps but continued to search for "true love". No family should have had to go through that harrowing nightmare but if I were her children, I wouldn't let her out of the house without an escort and blinders.
July 30, 2022
This was such a frustrating read. Newell wanted to tell "her side" of the Dirty John story. While there were some new details, I can't say that I think the podcast and tv versions are that far off. What they showed was a woman making very, very bad decisions to give her life over to a stranger. What the book shows is a woman making very, very bad decisions to give her life over to a stranger MULTIPLE TIMES.
She keeps begging the reader to understand that she wasn't ignoring red flags, yet she continued to dismiss her children's concerns because "oh, they hate all of my boyfriends." She then tells the most horrific stories about her ex-boyfriends and husbands. The worst new detail was learning that Dirty John was not the first of her husbands to brutally attack her family. I wonder why they hate your boyfriends, Debra. Look. Anyone can fall prey to a psychopath, anyone can fall into an abusive relationship, and no one deserves to be hurt. But Deb, you have to protect your family. STOP MARRYING STRANGERS.
She keeps begging the reader to understand that she wasn't ignoring red flags, yet she continued to dismiss her children's concerns because "oh, they hate all of my boyfriends." She then tells the most horrific stories about her ex-boyfriends and husbands. The worst new detail was learning that Dirty John was not the first of her husbands to brutally attack her family. I wonder why they hate your boyfriends, Debra. Look. Anyone can fall prey to a psychopath, anyone can fall into an abusive relationship, and no one deserves to be hurt. But Deb, you have to protect your family. STOP MARRYING STRANGERS.
July 12, 2022
TL;DR: if you've both listened to the podcast and watched the miniseries, skip the book.
I first listened to Debra's story on the Dirty John podcast, then watched the miniseries by the same name. Apparently, Debra received quite a lot of backlash and victim-blaming on social media from these two productions, which is terrible. I found her a genuinely likeable person and was really troubled by everything that John got away with. That sentiment was not shared by a very vocal group, and I guess that Debra felt the need to set the record straight...she talks about how different her story is from the one in Dirty John, and how we'll see she's really a victim and not to blame. Personally, I never doubted that. I didn't find that anything in this book added in any way to her story - in fact, it made Debra rather less likeable. I cringed so many times when she talked about precisely how much money she has, how many fancy cars she has (I get it, you have a Tesla and a Jag and and and), and how she could spend $90,000 on rent for a year while also renting a penthouse... The book itself is rambling and full of details that should have been edited out, and the full paragraph describing Cash, the Australian Shepherd, sounded like it came straight from Wikipedia.
I listened to the audiobook which is narrated by Debra herself, and I just had to wonder over and over (and over) where her producer was, because there were sooo many mispronounced words and outright *wrong* words in every 10 minute clip. I think it's so great that Debra felt comfortable enough to narrate the book herself to speak her own truth, but wow, the producer and publishing house really dropped the ball on editing the audiobook and the content in it.
I want to give more stars to acknowledge the strength and courage it would have taken to share this story with the world and open herself up to even further criticism, but I think that Debra was let down by her co-author, editor, and publisher with this final product.
I first listened to Debra's story on the Dirty John podcast, then watched the miniseries by the same name. Apparently, Debra received quite a lot of backlash and victim-blaming on social media from these two productions, which is terrible. I found her a genuinely likeable person and was really troubled by everything that John got away with. That sentiment was not shared by a very vocal group, and I guess that Debra felt the need to set the record straight...she talks about how different her story is from the one in Dirty John, and how we'll see she's really a victim and not to blame. Personally, I never doubted that. I didn't find that anything in this book added in any way to her story - in fact, it made Debra rather less likeable. I cringed so many times when she talked about precisely how much money she has, how many fancy cars she has (I get it, you have a Tesla and a Jag and and and), and how she could spend $90,000 on rent for a year while also renting a penthouse... The book itself is rambling and full of details that should have been edited out, and the full paragraph describing Cash, the Australian Shepherd, sounded like it came straight from Wikipedia.
I listened to the audiobook which is narrated by Debra herself, and I just had to wonder over and over (and over) where her producer was, because there were sooo many mispronounced words and outright *wrong* words in every 10 minute clip. I think it's so great that Debra felt comfortable enough to narrate the book herself to speak her own truth, but wow, the producer and publishing house really dropped the ball on editing the audiobook and the content in it.
I want to give more stars to acknowledge the strength and courage it would have taken to share this story with the world and open herself up to even further criticism, but I think that Debra was let down by her co-author, editor, and publisher with this final product.
January 20, 2023
Could not like the author at all. Would not take responsibility for anything. No, abuse is not her fault but she was too committed to defending herself instead of taking an introspective look at herself and what she brought into her family's lives, and even at the end saying she wouldn't feel sorry for falling in love.
November 11, 2021
Glad to see my very favorite podcast made into a book written by courageous survivor Debra Newell. An amazing, inspirational, educational and riveting read. Five solid stars!
July 5, 2021
First, I want to thank Debra Newell, BenBella Books and NetGalley for providing me with this book so I may bring you this review!!
WOW!! I truly commend Debra Newell for opening up her heart and soul and tell you in her own words her side of Surviving Dirty John My True Story about Love, Lies and Murder. If you are anything like me and LOVE all things true crime then you have probably seen her story on the small screen for NetFlix and other media outlets. However, that was what Hollywood wanted you to see! It was not the true full blown story of what happened. If you are looking for an easy read this is not one of them.
Debra would like to dedicate this book to all the female victims’ voices silenced and unheard; my beautiful, supportive children; and my sister, Cindi Ambrose Vickers, who was taken away from us far too soon Sometimes—just sometimes—cupid’s dart.
Surviving Dirty John gives us readers an inside look of how sick this monster really was!! My mind was literally blown at most of the stuff I was reading. My heart just broke for Debra who was choosing to put up with his garbage!! After reading this book I don’t think I could ever trust anyone off a dating site.
However, this book is way more than just telling us the story of Dirty John. It is the heartbreaking story of the devastating effects that domestic violence can have on a couple.
Debra shares with her readers beautiful pictures of the past with her children, her family, life with John, etc. It is a nice personal touch to the book in my opinion.
This book is packed with educational facts and resources for her readers or anyone else put in this situation.
What Debra went through was a pure nightmare that no woman should have had to go through. There is no doubt in my mind that this experience has made her so much stronger than she had ever been before.
WOW!! I truly commend Debra Newell for opening up her heart and soul and tell you in her own words her side of Surviving Dirty John My True Story about Love, Lies and Murder. If you are anything like me and LOVE all things true crime then you have probably seen her story on the small screen for NetFlix and other media outlets. However, that was what Hollywood wanted you to see! It was not the true full blown story of what happened. If you are looking for an easy read this is not one of them.
Debra would like to dedicate this book to all the female victims’ voices silenced and unheard; my beautiful, supportive children; and my sister, Cindi Ambrose Vickers, who was taken away from us far too soon Sometimes—just sometimes—cupid’s dart.
Surviving Dirty John gives us readers an inside look of how sick this monster really was!! My mind was literally blown at most of the stuff I was reading. My heart just broke for Debra who was choosing to put up with his garbage!! After reading this book I don’t think I could ever trust anyone off a dating site.
However, this book is way more than just telling us the story of Dirty John. It is the heartbreaking story of the devastating effects that domestic violence can have on a couple.
Debra shares with her readers beautiful pictures of the past with her children, her family, life with John, etc. It is a nice personal touch to the book in my opinion.
This book is packed with educational facts and resources for her readers or anyone else put in this situation.
What Debra went through was a pure nightmare that no woman should have had to go through. There is no doubt in my mind that this experience has made her so much stronger than she had ever been before.
October 7, 2021
Quality of Writing: 10/10
Pace: 10/10
Plot Development: N/A
Characters: N/A
Enjoyability: 10/10
Insightfulness: 10/10
Ease of Reading: 8/10
Overall Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
I’m gonna start with the the impersonal part of my review first, because that is what people read these reviews for.
The writing is very well done. There are a few phrases about judgement that are repeated several times, but considering what Newell went through and what her mental health must look like, it’s understanding. I enjoyed how the chapters were divided up, showing not only her life with John Meehan, but also her life before him and her previous marriages. It never lost sight of what the book was truly about though. It was well paced. I only became impatient at the end because I already knew what the story was leading up to due to a google search.
I enjoyed the story immensely, not because of the awful narrative it told, but because I was learning something new and it was something I could relate to. This was the first time I heard the term “coercive control”.
I believe the term “coercive control” could be used to talk about my first marriage. Laura Richards’ definition is, “Coercive control is a strategic pattern of behavior designed to exploit, control, create dependency, and dominate. The victim’s everyday existence is micromanaged and [their] space for action, as well as potential as a human being, is limited and controlled by the abuser.”
I related so much to this, and though I’ve never been married to a psychopath, I have been married to a narcissist. That’s why in regards to insightfulness, this gets a 10/10, and why I gave it an 8/10 for ease of reading. In regards to ability, it was easy to read, but emotionally it hit a bit close to home.
I hope that Debra Newell feels more understood after the release of her book and less victimized. The world needs more support for survivors, not more blaming.
Pace: 10/10
Plot Development: N/A
Characters: N/A
Enjoyability: 10/10
Insightfulness: 10/10
Ease of Reading: 8/10
Overall Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
I’m gonna start with the the impersonal part of my review first, because that is what people read these reviews for.
The writing is very well done. There are a few phrases about judgement that are repeated several times, but considering what Newell went through and what her mental health must look like, it’s understanding. I enjoyed how the chapters were divided up, showing not only her life with John Meehan, but also her life before him and her previous marriages. It never lost sight of what the book was truly about though. It was well paced. I only became impatient at the end because I already knew what the story was leading up to due to a google search.
I enjoyed the story immensely, not because of the awful narrative it told, but because I was learning something new and it was something I could relate to. This was the first time I heard the term “coercive control”.
I believe the term “coercive control” could be used to talk about my first marriage. Laura Richards’ definition is, “Coercive control is a strategic pattern of behavior designed to exploit, control, create dependency, and dominate. The victim’s everyday existence is micromanaged and [their] space for action, as well as potential as a human being, is limited and controlled by the abuser.”
I related so much to this, and though I’ve never been married to a psychopath, I have been married to a narcissist. That’s why in regards to insightfulness, this gets a 10/10, and why I gave it an 8/10 for ease of reading. In regards to ability, it was easy to read, but emotionally it hit a bit close to home.
I hope that Debra Newell feels more understood after the release of her book and less victimized. The world needs more support for survivors, not more blaming.
November 24, 2021
A harrowing, chilling tale of abuse and survival straight from the victim’s mouth. If you liked the podcast or tv show “Dirty John,” then you must read the real story of Debra Newell and her family, fighting to be free from wretched abuser John Meehan. This book is very well-written, with enough personal detail to help you fully understand Debra and the choices she made.
I hope Debra knows that she beloved by many. I am so glad she survived this ordeal. I hope to shake her hand someday and thank her for this important story and for helping so many other survivors.
Thank you #BenBellaBooks, #DebraNewell, and #MWilliamPhelps for the ARC in exchange for my honest review.
I hope Debra knows that she beloved by many. I am so glad she survived this ordeal. I hope to shake her hand someday and thank her for this important story and for helping so many other survivors.
Thank you #BenBellaBooks, #DebraNewell, and #MWilliamPhelps for the ARC in exchange for my honest review.
April 4, 2025
3.5 stars!
I really tried to go into this giving Debbie the benefit of the doubt, that maybe the red flags weren't as big as readers said they were, that maybe she really was so blindly conned she could have easily missed it. But... Debbie.... come on. There may have been a few things here and there I would have let slide but.. He's a doctor but never has any money? ALL of his cars were stolen and he never settled that? He would wear scrubs but be dirty? He has this great job and served in the military but has no friends or anyone he talks to? He's off work a lot? There were so many things that just did not make sense, and I cannot understand how she just glanced over them like they didn't matter. ESPECIALLY since this was her 5th marriage and not the first time she's been involved with someone like this..
It's easy to judge from the outside but I would have been gone the second he stole my phone and was texting my children to kill themselves.. Either way, I can only imagine the guilt you carry around in a situation like this that almost cost your daughter her life. It's a miracle the only person who didn't walk away from this situation was John himself.
I really tried to go into this giving Debbie the benefit of the doubt, that maybe the red flags weren't as big as readers said they were, that maybe she really was so blindly conned she could have easily missed it. But... Debbie.... come on. There may have been a few things here and there I would have let slide but.. He's a doctor but never has any money? ALL of his cars were stolen and he never settled that? He would wear scrubs but be dirty? He has this great job and served in the military but has no friends or anyone he talks to? He's off work a lot? There were so many things that just did not make sense, and I cannot understand how she just glanced over them like they didn't matter. ESPECIALLY since this was her 5th marriage and not the first time she's been involved with someone like this..
It's easy to judge from the outside but I would have been gone the second he stole my phone and was texting my children to kill themselves.. Either way, I can only imagine the guilt you carry around in a situation like this that almost cost your daughter her life. It's a miracle the only person who didn't walk away from this situation was John himself.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 5, 2021
** Thank you NetGalley for this ARC in exchange for an honest opinion. **
Wow. This is one crazy story of survival. I was not aware of this story prior to reading the book. I could not put this book down once I got it started. All women should read this story of survival. The author has went through a lot in her life.
Wow. This is one crazy story of survival. I was not aware of this story prior to reading the book. I could not put this book down once I got it started. All women should read this story of survival. The author has went through a lot in her life.
July 26, 2024
Lord, where do I start?! Can I just start by saying people from Orange County California are just very different in general. I’ve had a view of their lifestyle when I dated someone from Orange County and when I tell you, they are all wealthy airheads. This is just who they are they don’t know anything but How beautiful the sky is and how blue the water is. It seems as if no one deals with any situations or either they brush it off like it’s not a big deal and this is her, she is definitely Orange County in a nutshell lol.
Anyway, I don’t know why she was so adamant about the Netflix series depicting her character as more naive than she truly is when the reality is, she basically explained everything we’ve already seen in the Netflix character. Now granted, I do understand they twisted some stories to make it more entertaining for audience. Most of the story was still very much true and how they depicted, Debbie in the series I think was 90% accurate. The only difference was I didn’t notice the snob of her per se in the series just with her daughters.
However as she is telling her story, I’m now hearing where the snob of her daughters come from. I don’t know why I was annoyed by how perfect she was saying her life was and how her father was perfect and how she never heard her parents argue about anything and she never seen anyone on drugs before and how she’s a beautiful blonde, and everyone was beautiful and blonde and blah blah blah blah blah. Then she had to throw in how her sister was so beautiful and girls were jealous of her and how she started dating a black athlete and how OJ Simpson was trying to add her to his blonde girl roster. Like girl, stfu! She sound like kardashian before the kardashians.
I cringed at her talks about the benefit and how important it is for her to give back. That’s great and all but she’s so damn clueless about the world it really bothers me that she feels as if she can just throw money around to fix real life problems (as she politely put she, “hears stories but never been around anything like that” probably never set foot in a room with someone in poverty.
I’m glad I ready the book because it gave me true clarity of how absent minded this woman is. I was trying to find nice things to say but this why there’s such a divide in cultures. Girl blend yourself amongst different walks of life so that you’re not so damn clueless outside of Air headed OC.
Anyway, I don’t know why she was so adamant about the Netflix series depicting her character as more naive than she truly is when the reality is, she basically explained everything we’ve already seen in the Netflix character. Now granted, I do understand they twisted some stories to make it more entertaining for audience. Most of the story was still very much true and how they depicted, Debbie in the series I think was 90% accurate. The only difference was I didn’t notice the snob of her per se in the series just with her daughters.
However as she is telling her story, I’m now hearing where the snob of her daughters come from. I don’t know why I was annoyed by how perfect she was saying her life was and how her father was perfect and how she never heard her parents argue about anything and she never seen anyone on drugs before and how she’s a beautiful blonde, and everyone was beautiful and blonde and blah blah blah blah blah. Then she had to throw in how her sister was so beautiful and girls were jealous of her and how she started dating a black athlete and how OJ Simpson was trying to add her to his blonde girl roster. Like girl, stfu! She sound like kardashian before the kardashians.
I cringed at her talks about the benefit and how important it is for her to give back. That’s great and all but she’s so damn clueless about the world it really bothers me that she feels as if she can just throw money around to fix real life problems (as she politely put she, “hears stories but never been around anything like that” probably never set foot in a room with someone in poverty.
I’m glad I ready the book because it gave me true clarity of how absent minded this woman is. I was trying to find nice things to say but this why there’s such a divide in cultures. Girl blend yourself amongst different walks of life so that you’re not so damn clueless outside of Air headed OC.
May 2, 2024
This is not the kid of book I would normally give such a low rating, but this woman's lack of personal accountability and self awareness is astounding. The statements about her affluence don't bother me as much as they bother others - its kind of a key point to the story since its why she was Meehans target. She begs not to be judged for decisions and indicates she wouldn't do things differently even with the benefit of what she knows now. The irony of this, is i would see her as more of a victim if she wasn't so defensive and said things like "in hindsight this was not a wise decision" but there is no hindsight here. I'm glad she made up with her children, there were just so many gut feelings she ignored throughout. I don't think she should be alone in her accountability, however , my commentary on her awful therapist is coming.
I hope one day Newell marries an amazing guy her children approve of while exercising good judgement throughout the relationship. I feel like that would be the situation that would bring it all full circle. I love the victim advocacy and am sincerely glad they used the situation to warn others. That, I think is brave, especially since this is an embarrassing situation in nearly every way for the author. It must be hard to have to see what people like me see, let alone getting threats and unnecessary comments from crazy people.
Now. Her therapy. Why does no one talk about the awful therapy she received and the terrible advice she received from her therapist? If your therapist wants you to distance yourself from your family for your boyfriend of two weeks, RUN!!! I kind of wonder if the lack of accountability comes from therapists, too? I do feel like right now therapists have more power and less accountability than they should. Obviously Newell had one that just told her what she wanted to hear. I've heard the Dirty John several times and the therapist encouraging her to set "boundaries" with her children is always mentioned, which she clearly took as to distance herself and no one ever comments on how awful this is. How long was she going to this therapist? Were they using her for her money, too?
I hope one day Newell marries an amazing guy her children approve of while exercising good judgement throughout the relationship. I feel like that would be the situation that would bring it all full circle. I love the victim advocacy and am sincerely glad they used the situation to warn others. That, I think is brave, especially since this is an embarrassing situation in nearly every way for the author. It must be hard to have to see what people like me see, let alone getting threats and unnecessary comments from crazy people.
Now. Her therapy. Why does no one talk about the awful therapy she received and the terrible advice she received from her therapist? If your therapist wants you to distance yourself from your family for your boyfriend of two weeks, RUN!!! I kind of wonder if the lack of accountability comes from therapists, too? I do feel like right now therapists have more power and less accountability than they should. Obviously Newell had one that just told her what she wanted to hear. I've heard the Dirty John several times and the therapist encouraging her to set "boundaries" with her children is always mentioned, which she clearly took as to distance herself and no one ever comments on how awful this is. How long was she going to this therapist? Were they using her for her money, too?
September 17, 2021
If you know me you know I am OBSESSED with true crime. Dirty John has podcasts and shows and movies. I never indulged in them. Knew vaguely about the case so I was able to go in to this with zero judgement and knowledge. #survivingdirtyjohn #debranewell #mwilliamphelps I don’t even know where to start with this one. First off. She’s a real person who has been through unfathomable events. To say it was mind blowing and just …. I don’t even know how to review this. This woman who has been so incredibly unlucky and yet some aspects lucky (her children, career). I guess in hindsight it’s easy for all of us to judge and say red flag. Or. What is wrong with you. Sigh. But. I digress. If you are looking for a first hand tale of the events this is the book for you. She admits to her stupidity. Naïveté. And I appreciate that. The writing style tho. Yes. It feels like she’s speaking to us. But some of it was just over done. Like girl call that man honey or by his name. Some parts felt inauthentic. Not in a bad way. But maybe she was just overdoing it to get the point across. It’s fascinating to get in the lives and be a fly on the whole to a horrific relationship with a monster. #truecrime #netgalley #bookstragrammer #dirtyjohn #readersofinstagram #netgalleyreads #bookishtruecrime #reading #truecrimeobsessed
June 20, 2021
Surviving Dirty John
by Debra Newell
I have really struggled while reading this book as I have had some very strong reactions to this book. I almost put it down on numerous occasions because I felt very judgemental regarding Debra Newell's choices. I am glad I kept reading as my opinions have changed completely after finishing this book. I am honestly appalled at the lack of help Newell and her family received from law enforcement, the courts and the judgment they received after John died.
I believe most people have heard the “dramatized” version of Dirty John but not the unvarnished truth. This book is for those who want to understand what it is like to live with a person this devious and demented. Dirty John is so horrifying that it is almost unfathomable that it is a true story, yet unfortunately, it is all too true.
I do recommend this book; however, be forewarned there will be a number of triggers for abuse survivors.
I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher and Netgalley.
by Debra Newell
I have really struggled while reading this book as I have had some very strong reactions to this book. I almost put it down on numerous occasions because I felt very judgemental regarding Debra Newell's choices. I am glad I kept reading as my opinions have changed completely after finishing this book. I am honestly appalled at the lack of help Newell and her family received from law enforcement, the courts and the judgment they received after John died.
I believe most people have heard the “dramatized” version of Dirty John but not the unvarnished truth. This book is for those who want to understand what it is like to live with a person this devious and demented. Dirty John is so horrifying that it is almost unfathomable that it is a true story, yet unfortunately, it is all too true.
I do recommend this book; however, be forewarned there will be a number of triggers for abuse survivors.
I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher and Netgalley.
August 19, 2021
This book was both good and horrifically awful. The writing itself was good. Crisp and clear, and it gives you the full specteum of Debra's relationship with John Meehan - the good, the bad, and the very very ugly. However I had a visceral reaction to this book and overall my reaction is just...how could you not see the red flags? I know hindsight is 20/20, and John probably didn't let his real self be seen before getting married. But after being married four previous times, and being pressured into most of those marriages, you would think that the fifth time being pressured to wed immediately would throw up some warning signs? I don't know. I just wish Debra had made different choices. 3.5 stars rounded down.
October 7, 2021
Even if you think you know this story, read this book.
This is from Debra's POV, not a podcast's POV, not a TV producer's POV, but from the victim herself. Every retelling of her story has focused on John rather than Debra, now she tells her side. She makes a point early in the book that a mini-series (meant for ratings) could never delve into her history, her person, her decisions which were not as naïve as we might think.
The writing isn't always stellar but it's the story that matters.
This is from Debra's POV, not a podcast's POV, not a TV producer's POV, but from the victim herself. Every retelling of her story has focused on John rather than Debra, now she tells her side. She makes a point early in the book that a mini-series (meant for ratings) could never delve into her history, her person, her decisions which were not as naïve as we might think.
The writing isn't always stellar but it's the story that matters.
January 29, 2022
I received this ARC from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
I first listened to the podcast, then watched the Bravo show. Now I've read the book. All are worth your time. I learned facts about this nightmare that I didn't know from the other two sources. Well written. Thank you, Ms Newell for writing this!
Unless someone was in your shoes, they shouldn't be judging you.
I first listened to the podcast, then watched the Bravo show. Now I've read the book. All are worth your time. I learned facts about this nightmare that I didn't know from the other two sources. Well written. Thank you, Ms Newell for writing this!
Unless someone was in your shoes, they shouldn't be judging you.
March 1, 2022
I gave it one star because Deb was reading it. If anyone else had read it it would have been fine. I loved the podcast but the book killed me. I couldn’t wait for it to be done
August 16, 2022
This story always wows me with everything that goes down, also makes me so thankful I am with my partner and will hopefully never have to date again in my life, because a lot of men are horrifying monsters who will manipulate you, abuse you and ruin your life.
Ultimately, Debra is a victim. Yes it’s frustrating at times to hear her make the same mistakes, seemingly ignore red flags, and above all, not listen to the warnings of her children. I definitely think there are areas in this story where she could have taken more responsibility. But again, she is a victim, and judging is not helpful to her or anyone else in her position. My biggest thing was hoping she’d realize that life is not a fairy tale, you do not need another person to complete you, and to stop marrying someone after only knowing them a few months. The examples she grew up with, how her parents especially her mother were, is very telling as to why she is the way she is.
Even if you don’t agree, you think she deserves shit for it, ultimately the true villains of this story and the people who most deserve anger and criticism are dirty John, and Billy vickers, and the other abusive men that pop up throughout this book, and then the law, the police, the judges who don’t believe victims, give abusers the benefit of doubt ALL THE TIME, and do fucking nothing to help anyone. Debra was a wealthy white woman with text and email evidence of John being a fucking psyco, and even she couldn’t get him arrested or get help. Ladies and non-binary friends, please be so careful with who you allow into your life, all it takes is one crazy mother fucker.
Ultimately, Debra is a victim. Yes it’s frustrating at times to hear her make the same mistakes, seemingly ignore red flags, and above all, not listen to the warnings of her children. I definitely think there are areas in this story where she could have taken more responsibility. But again, she is a victim, and judging is not helpful to her or anyone else in her position. My biggest thing was hoping she’d realize that life is not a fairy tale, you do not need another person to complete you, and to stop marrying someone after only knowing them a few months. The examples she grew up with, how her parents especially her mother were, is very telling as to why she is the way she is.
Even if you don’t agree, you think she deserves shit for it, ultimately the true villains of this story and the people who most deserve anger and criticism are dirty John, and Billy vickers, and the other abusive men that pop up throughout this book, and then the law, the police, the judges who don’t believe victims, give abusers the benefit of doubt ALL THE TIME, and do fucking nothing to help anyone. Debra was a wealthy white woman with text and email evidence of John being a fucking psyco, and even she couldn’t get him arrested or get help. Ladies and non-binary friends, please be so careful with who you allow into your life, all it takes is one crazy mother fucker.
July 23, 2024
Newell writes extremely well about the traumatic case that has come to define her life. This is a very complete and cohesive telling of her story. Newell also provides advice and insight for people experiencing or observing abusive relationships as well as a detailed portrait of the nature of Coercive Control.
The one issue I had with this book is seemingly its cause. Newell comes off as very defensive and rightly so: it seems she’s been the subject of online harassment and bullying since her family’s story was made public. To be honest, this shocked me. I didn’t understand how anyone following the story in the podcast or the television series could see her story in any way other than sympathetic. I guess I underestimated the misogynists, at my own peril. It’s just deeply sad to hear that a woman who’s been through so much nonsense in her life is being treated this way. I don’t think Debra Newell is perfect but I don’t think she has to be to deserve basic respect and dignity.
The one issue I had with this book is seemingly its cause. Newell comes off as very defensive and rightly so: it seems she’s been the subject of online harassment and bullying since her family’s story was made public. To be honest, this shocked me. I didn’t understand how anyone following the story in the podcast or the television series could see her story in any way other than sympathetic. I guess I underestimated the misogynists, at my own peril. It’s just deeply sad to hear that a woman who’s been through so much nonsense in her life is being treated this way. I don’t think Debra Newell is perfect but I don’t think she has to be to deserve basic respect and dignity.
September 9, 2024
John Meehan is scum of the earth. If this book were to teach you anytning, it's that you need to trust you damn gut! Listen to your children! And most importantly listen to your freaking animals!!
Debra was desperate for love and her happily ever after. After John I don't think she will ever get it nor will she ever trust again. I think Debra is too good of a person, and gives everyone the benefit of the doubt. Only for it to bite her in the ass. I hope she finds love, and I hope men like John Meehan get nothing, and burn!
Debra was desperate for love and her happily ever after. After John I don't think she will ever get it nor will she ever trust again. I think Debra is too good of a person, and gives everyone the benefit of the doubt. Only for it to bite her in the ass. I hope she finds love, and I hope men like John Meehan get nothing, and burn!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Want to read
March 11, 2022Having seen the show on Netflix, listened to a few podcasts and read the book that the show was based on I definitely knew a lot of the information presented here already.
However, this was a quick read that still engaged me because Debra was able to share her side of the story---and set some facts straight.
It was interesting to read her reasoning behind things because you're quick to judge her as naive when you watch the show, but now I feel like a jerk for thinking that.
However, this was a quick read that still engaged me because Debra was able to share her side of the story---and set some facts straight.
It was interesting to read her reasoning behind things because you're quick to judge her as naive when you watch the show, but now I feel like a jerk for thinking that.
January 29, 2022
I can't believe this woman married him after a very short time and 4 previous marriages!! Lots of creeps out there.
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