The 8 Seasons of Parenthood: How the Stages of Parenting Constantly Reshape Our Adult Identities

by Barbara C. Unell, Jerry L. Wyckoff

Every parent knows that the experience of raising children changes us profoundly, in ways often unforeseen. And yet never before has a book examined how and why the stages of our children's development affect us so deeply, altering not only our jobs, our lifestyles, and our relationships with our spouses and parents, but the very essence of how we think of ourselves as individuals and adults.

For the first time, parenting experts Barbara Unell and Jerry Wyckoff offer a new vision of the family journey -- what it means for us as parents and individuals as we evolve in tandem with every new change brought about by our children's growth. Like Passages, Gail Sheehy's groundbreaking study of the stages of adult maturity, this book defines for readers the eight clear stages of an adult parent's life, illuminating the defining moments, key conflicts, important lessons and signposts of each stage of his or her evolution, from early parenthood to old age.

The eight seasons of parenthood
The self-absorption of impending parenthood
Surrendering your former identity to the essentials of caring for a baby
Family Organizing and juggling the business of life with toddlers and preschoolers
Travel Stepping back -- and stepping up your role of activities manager -- as your children go through school
Volcano Exercising damage control in your own life with teenagers
Family Reevaluating life as a parent of new adults
Plateau Reliving childhood through grandchildren
Accepting and embracing the parent/child role reversal
These eight stages are fixed at the birth of every child. Try as we might to fight this law of human nature, we all follow the same predictable, inevitable, universal, and eternal journey of parenthood with each child. Once your baby is born, there's no turning back.

Based on interviews with hundreds of parents from their twenties to their nineties and Dr. Wyckoff's practice as a family psychologist, The Eight Seasons of Parenthood is a compassionate guide and road map to one of life's most profound and never ending experiences . . . essential reading for any parent who has ever wondered, "What's happening to the me I used to know?"

352 pages, Hardcover

First published April 25, 2000

Reviews

[Brittany · Rating 3 out of 5]

Although a little dated, I found some helpful nuggets and perspectives
The eight seasons of parenthood are:
Celebrity: The self-absorption of impending parenthood
Sponge: Surrendering your former identity to the essentials of caring for a baby
Family Manager: Organizing and juggling the business of life with toddlers and preschoolers
Travel Agent: Stepping back -- and stepping up your role of activities manager -- as your children go through school
Volcano Dweller: Exercising damage control in your own life with teenagers
Family Remodeler: Reevaluating life as a parent of new adults
Plateau Parent: Reliving childhood through grandchildren
Rebounder: Accepting and embracing the parent/child role reversal

Identity, change, separation, and control are the sources of emotional turmoil each parent faces in each season of parenthood

some helpful CBT throughout: "This is no big deal. I can stand this. My children's messes don't make me a bad mother. And this, too, shall pass."

I also appreciated the groups-style data collection groups the authors conducted to survey parents and then synthesize their lived experiences into the above stages.
It was helpful to frame current parenthood into stages, both to acknowledge the challenges and joys of the current stage as well as reflect on those of the past stage(s) and prepare for what comes next.