The Shift: How I (lost and) found myself after 40 – and you can too

by Sam Baker

'Funny, frank and empowering... a vital book for any woman who is at the beginning of her radicalisation journey, looking at her life and finally piecing together the personal and the political.' THE OBSERVER

'Sam Baker is rewriting the narrative around menopause' WOMAN & HOME

'rollicking read' MAIL ON SUNDAY

'I loved it.. blazingly hopeful and beautifully written. This book is meant to be mainlined.' LISA TADDEO

'If you're a woman over 40, ever going to be a woman over 40 or you've ever met a woman over 40 you should read this book' JANE FALLON

'I NEED this book. We ALL need this book! If menopause happened to men, there would be CELEBRATIONS and parties every time one of them completed their change.' MARIAN KEYES

'This gem is a guide to navigating your 40s and 50s and just generally being yourself. ... joyful, positive, and goes to ALL the places. Highly recommended.' JOJO MOYES

'Funny, frank and empowering... a vital book for any woman who is at the beginning of her radicalisation journey, looking at her life and finally piecing together the personal and the political.' THE OBSERVER

The essential manifesto for any woman s taring the second half of their lives in the face and wondering, WTF is going on?

* Invisible to society now you're past child-bearing age?
* Tired of being disregarded, overlooked and underestimated?
* Wondering what the hell is happening to your body, mind and internal thermostat?

Women over forty are the most ignored demographic in society. And yet this is the time when you are likely to have the most freedom, power, confidence and self knowledge than ever before. Some serious life has been there have been great loves, heartbreaks, births, marriages, careers, betrayals, bereavements and survival.

So what now? What happens when the narrative given to you by society - husband, babies, house - runs out and you become storyless?

Including chapters on menopause, sex, culture, work, rage and freedom, writer and journalist Sam Baker shares her experiences of life post 40 and shows how women to create their own story. This needn't herald the era of loose clothing and hair dye; or hot flashes and bad sleep (though there is that too). It's time women north of 40 took a leaf out of the millennial handbook and reinvented things our way.

Sam hosts a podcast of the same name, now with over 50 thousand downloads.

Harness your energy, opinions and power and create a liberating new narrative for the second half of life.

'I am so glad The Shift exists. Sam's writing is a wonderful generous mixture of no-bullsh*t and a comforting hug. I'll be passing this book on to many women I know and love.' EMMA GANNON

'brilliant - powerful, brimming with integrity, inspiring, the politics of anger and what it means when we refuse to be invisible. Every woman (whatever her age) should buy, borrow, lend a copy' KATE MOSSE

'This is such a painfully beautiful look at the menopause in all its complexity. As honest as it is insightful, this is the first book I've read about later womanhood that exchanges shame and fear for truth and celebration... does for 40-something women what the honest parenting movement did for mothers.' ANNA WHITEHOUSE, founder, Mother Pukka

'great pace and feisty content. It will be a great help to women to see their lives mirrored and not feel like they are going mad... bold and funny.' CARYN FRANKLIN

'[Sam] tackles the menopause with her customary wit and wisdom' i PAPER

'Honest and witter account of life post-40. Makes for essential reading at any age.' - KATE WILLS, FABULOUS MAGAZINE

'Insightful, thoughtful, inspirational - impressive work.' - VICTORIA DERBYSHIRE

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Health, Feminism

294 pages, Paperback

Published April 15, 2021

About the author

Sam Baker grew up in Hampshire and, after a degree in politics at Birmingham University, became a journalist, going on to edit some of the UK's biggest magazines. For six years she was Editor in Chief of Red magazine, where she set up the Red Hot Women Awards recognising achievement across politics, science, tech, the arts, media and charity, as well as championing support for Refuge, the charity for victims of domestic abuse.

In 2015 she co-founded and launched The Pool with Lauren Laverne, the online platform that makes inspiring and original content for busy women.

Sam is married to the novelist Jon Courtenay Grimwood and lives in Winchester. When she’s not working or writing she escapes by devouring crime novels or watching box sets.

Reviews

[Megan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Four stars because I got some extremely useful insights out of it. The not-so-great aspect of it is that despite attempts to get different women's insights and be sensitive to questions of diversity, it still presents a somewhat archetypal view of people who are going through menopause as a certain sort of sexy urban career woman to which I, and I'm sure a lot of others, don't really relate.

[Eliza · Rating 3 out of 5]

Reads like a very long magazine article, which is no surprise given Baker’s background in magazine journalism. Immensely readable but irksome for the same reason that magazine articles can be - they fix on their one subject/polemic and stick to it, which here seems reductive at times. The conversational tone and frequently used messaging tlas (tbh, fml) also didn’t work for me. The book felt rushed out, with lots of repetition but this may be because I listened to some of the podcasts at the same time. All of which is a shame as I really enjoy Baker’s writing and she tackles areas that are only just starting to be discussed. The best sections are those that verge on memoir - it feels like there is a lot more to do here and despite Baker’s attempts at bravery the crux is left unexposed. Perhaps a future book.

[ElizabethW · Rating 3 out of 5]

I came to this book via the author’s podcast of the same name. I agree with the other reviews that the writing style is one of a magazine article or a blog rather than a book, although it does make each chapter quite self contained.

Despite that, I leave this book feeling simultaneously relieved, that I am not simply losing my mind, and furious, with myself for being one of those women who just puts up with it!

[Lucy Reynolds · Rating 3 out of 5]

Being 46 and a reader of Red when Baker was editor, aswell as a subscriber of the sadly now defunct The Pool, I was looking forward to reading this and ended up getting it in a kindle daily deal.
Like others have said, it reads a bit like a long magazine piece and whilst i absolutely got everything Baker was quite rightly angry about (especially the poor GP support around women's health, her not getting certain jobs/idiot investors suggesting The Pool ladies might 'get a bit tired' running their own business..etc) I also work in an industry 'staffed by women but run by men' so was perhaps hoping for a bit more guidance, rather than just a memoir.
It's one I may dip into again though the Kindle version is full of annoying seemingly random numbers (denoting but not linking to references).

[Janet · Rating 3 out of 5]

I looked forward to reading this as I have been enjoying Sam Baker's podcast of the same name during my lockdown lunchtime sanity walks as she has had some excellent guests, and I was looking forward to some deeper insight. While she does write with bravery and honesty, I do have to agree with another reviewer that it felt very much like one long magazine article which verged more on that of a memoir than the advice regarding peri-menopause and menopause that the cover implied it would provide. This is not a terrible thing as I found the author's writing to be very relatable in some instances, though I do feel, as much as she tries not to make it seem as such, that she is obviously writing from a position of much greater current privilege than many or most readers may have.

[loucumailbeo · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a fascinating look at what happens to a woman going through menopause, physically and socially. It’s also the story of a woman moving through life and treating life as an entire journey of discovery and not as something that peaks at 35 with perfection achieved. It’s also a quietly angry (but very funny in places) look at older women’s place in society. Her stories of VC pitching and the magazine world are truly enraging.

[Rebecca B - What Rebecca Read Next · Rating 4 out of 5]

Refreshing, honest, bloody helpful and makes sense of so much in a world where the Menopause appears to be swept under the carpet.

[Julie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’m not sure what I expected from this book. I thought it might be more along the self help genre, instead it read like a feminist collection of essays.
I enjoyed some of the perspectives in here, if not slightly angry at times (completely valid anger by the way) and I certainly felt more empowered as a result.
I feel like this book has more to offer me than I got in the first reading, and I think I owe it another read at some point to get the full extent of it.

[Laun · Rating 5 out of 5]

After reading Sam Baker's book I feel like I can take on the world and menopause, and I am even looking forward to it. Now I won't be thinking 'what is wrong with me?' but rather how do I look after myself and what is going to work for me. This book is a call to action - to take your anger, sweats, body, resentment, joys and wants seriously. Bring it on!

[Gemma Barron · Rating 5 out of 5]

Honest, funny and motivating

Loved this book. Great to read about the hugely positive side to menopause and laugh along the way. Easy to identify with many of those quoted.

[CadyCan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read this because I wanted to learn more about this thing called menopause but didn’t want a heavy read & as this was billed as an easy read & wasn’t too thick a book, I went for it.

Most of my friends haven’t spoken about it but since I’ve been experiencing peri-menopause since turning 40 almost 10 years ago I wasn’t shy about raising it & asking. When asked, everyone is happy to share but strangely only when asked. This book made me see perhaps why that is which I found interesting, not having the same sort of social filters most people have it hadn’t occurred to me that women might feel they can’t talk about it. The book also gave me so many more examples of what women go through rather than just my smaller friendship circle.

Anyways, my own “power surges” increasing in frequency recently & addition of nasty night sweats rarely getting more than 2hours sleep at a stretch I felt I needed to arm myself with what else could hit me. I’d already spent the last 9years, since turning 40, managing erratic haemorrhaging levels on the period side of things & was just starting to enjoy their apparent disappearance all together for a few months when all the above went up several gears.

I also experienced a period of about 6months of big emotional swings recently, along with self doubt which is uncharacteristic for me. I’m still not sure if that was hormone/menopause related or circumstances or a combo. Hubby was being courted by various opportunities to return to work & the idea of the career break we were on, during which our lives were steadily becoming more joint again with household jobs etc being more shared, travelling, having time for joint & separate hobbies, coming to an end was not one I relished & I couldn’t find the right ways to express myself.

I found it informative from the point of view of reading about so many different experiences & of course the authors more detailed own experience. It’s not helpful from a medical stand point on what to do, not sure any book can simply because menopause is so varied & hormones, like so many medical areas, for both men & women is not an exact science. However as a morale booster & female empowerment message to “own” it & men, particularly in the work place, be damned, it does that in spades in a sort of solidarity style of writing.

I also think the writing of this book was a sort of therapy for author, Sam Baker.

I did listen to a few of The Shift podcasts while catching up on ironing & enjoyed those too.

I’m not sure the world is as chauvinistic & male dominated nowadays as Sam paints or as it is often portrayed in the podcast interviews but am also very aware of unconscious bias which of course stems from unknown prejudices learnt/taught from/by those around us/society so maybe it is. Certainly the bit about the saying “grow a pair” made me laugh & think. As it did hubby. And “grow a vag” has a good ring to it too 🙋🏻‍♀️

Fortunately my parents took every opportunity to drum into us (2 girls) that we had to think for & stand up for ourselves at all times no matter who/what/where/when cos the world is a dog eat dog place & nobody’s going to do it for u & that’s how I’ve lived my life.

I do however feel I’ve become complacent & allowed my life to become too stereotypical with too much of a traditional split in the marriage partnership & having decided I wanted to do something about it, this book has very definitely given me an additional impetus, dare I say “permission” perhaps, to do so. Indicating perhaps that the world is still very much on the wonk & I’m complicit in it & not actually thought for or stood up for myself as much as I think I have….

[what.heather.loves · Rating 5 out of 5]

"The Shift is for...women like me and you women who are not about to put up and shut up. It's time we harnessed our crazy, chaotic, creative, collaborative power and write ourselves a new narrative. We are the most underestimated and ignored demographic in society (cheers, the patriarchy). Well screw that. Because to be a woman in your forties/fifties/sixties and beyond in the 21st century is to be a force to be reckoned with."

Split into two sections, the first is called The Shit and deals with the negative elements of aging and perimenopause. This includes hot flushes, the end of fertility, middle-aged spread, hirsutism, anti-aging, clothing choices (can't win, don't try), fuckability and atrophy (made me wince, glad this came last!).

The second section is more hopefully entitled The Shift and focuses on the positive elements of aging and perimenopause. This includes invisibility as a superpower (love to be underestimated), focusing on yourself, sex, role models (or lack of), righteous rage, bravery and a new narrative.

This books speaks to me and I have learnt and will continue to learn from it, as evidenced by the numerous sticky page notes I used. Sam writes about her own experiences and calls on those of other women through books and her own interviews with them, including her podcast #theshiftwithsambaker.

I turned forty at the end of last year and experienced a traumatic turning-point in my life, as Sam has sadly too. Thanks to support from my husband, friends, family, a counsellor, medication and my determination, I cope with it. I'm glad I was older when it happened, feel sure it enabled me to deal with it better, even though it has been life-altering.

I recommend this to every woman approaching, or over, forty. You will learn, laugh, cry and be angry (so angry!), determined for yourself and for womankind to live the life you want for yourself and for others. Thank you, Sam!

[The-grateful-spoonie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I went to Waterstones on a trip with my daughter.  I was strict with myself and said this was a trip for her, not me, so I didn't look at books. I saw a book that caught my eye and saw the title and walked by. I had that book in mind for a whole week and couldn't stop thinking about it. Then I forgot the title. I googled it with no luck because I only saw the front cover, and a Google search for "book with yellow on about being in 40s" doesn't help. Yep, I went back. I went to the section, and it had moved, so I went through all the books until i saw the yellow. I went hime and started reading and now know why this book stuck with me. It was a calling. It was calling to me ! Everyone needs to read this book. Look how many tabs I have. Do yourself a favour if you are getting towards 40s, feeling changes, perimenopausal, etc, buy it. theothersambaker

[Jade · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not only a great insight into the reality of perimenopause and menopause, but also a very empowering listen. Listening to this made me more comfortable with where I am now and what the next step(s) may be. I’ve found myself wandering through town smiling at women older and younger and reflecting on how I support and nurture other women whatever their life stage. My favourite chapter was ‘why not to get in a fight with a women over 40’ - listening while doing an evening dog walk I found myself yelling ‘fuck off’ to everything trying to quench my inner anger and having a bloody good laugh while doing it. I would definitely recommend and will prob reread every year until I get out the other end and having my yeah I made it party.

[Lesley Halliday · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5 stars, I'm afraid it's a DNF for me. I had heard so much good about this book (admittedly, probably from other Red staff) that I expected more from it, but as everyone else has pointed out, it reads more like a very long winded magazine article. At times, it was extremely moving as the author spoke about her own experiences, but far too much 'fluff' to be of any use as a self help book. I honestly never ever give up on a book 3/4 of the way through, but I really can't take anymore. It's got to the point where it just feels like one long list of how horrible it is to be a woman of a certain age. Sorry Sam! Loved you as an editor!

[Katie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Menopause is (hopefully) another 20/25 years away for me, and as a result reading a book about it at times made me feel quite alienated. I'm glad I read it, and I'm sure it's the kind of book that I'll appreciate having read as I get older, but it didn't resonate with me and I expected that.

Will probably pass this on to my mum and see if she is interested in it, but it's not something I would say people of my age necessarily NEED to read right this moment.

[Nicola · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really great read to awaken the pre-to-post menopausal goddess in you!
A call to arms to understand your body and the changes that are occuring without fear or shame!
It's uncomfortable. It's sweaty. It's shouty! It's normal. Embrace it and help your fellow ladies to bear this process in the best possible way...together, supporting each other with kindness.

Hoorraayyy for becoming an old lady!

[Grace · Rating 1 out of 5]

Claims not to be autobiographical, in fact it very much is. Otherwise it is drawn from interviews with 50 women, who sound a lot like the author’s professional network of magazine journalists. I read this because it was recommended by colleagues in the menopause network at my university. I don’t think it is aimed at me as a reader.

[Carolyn Willitts · Rating 4 out of 5]

Perfect reading as I will be 50 next year. Thought provoking and inspiring. My only complaint is the tantalising idea of the freedom of being free from kids at 50 (as they will have left home). I have an eight year old so still have a way to go! But highly recommend.

[ESibs · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brilliant. I’ve given copies to so many friends and recommended it to friends and strangers. Both reassuring that it’s not just me, and inspiring about how to live my post-menopausal life.
All women over 40 should read it - and the men in their life!

[Emma · Rating 4 out of 5]

I know I’ll be revisiting this and dipping in and out when I need a pep talk over the coming years.

[Scoots · Rating 5 out of 5]

Inspiring. A must-read for all women and allies.

[Amy Suzanne Crawford · Rating 5 out of 5]

Candid. Thoughtful. Fabulous.

[Aliya Drake · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow

The last few years make so much more sense now! This needs as much exposure as we can give it. A life-changing read.

[Naomi Spratt · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’m 43, so figured I should start looking into the menopause and what’s to come. Wow. Can’t wait! 😝

[Sally · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wow, so much information, so many thoughts, so much inspiration! Thank you Sam Baker!

[Tanya Lynch · Rating 5 out of 5]

Anyone over 40 wondering what the hell she is going through, about to go through needs to read this book

[Thesincouch]

Oct 2022: I'm not the audience for this.

[Ginny Hodges · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this book, identified with so much of it and passed it on to a friend to help her too :)

[Catriona Senior · Rating 4 out of 5]

Brilliant, so helpful and empowering. Also a fascinating look back at the 80s and 90s office and magazine publishing.