What do you think?
Rate this book
Natural Harvest - A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes
Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food. This book hopes to change that. Once you overcome any initial hesitation, you will be surprised to learn how wonderful semen is in the kitchen. Semen is an exciting ingredient that can give every dish you make an interesting twist. If you are a passionate cook and are not afraid to experiment with new ingredients - you will love this cook book!
61 pages, Paperback
First published November 17, 2008
102 people are currently reading
636 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 31 reviews
July 7, 2018
get over here, bourdain...
in this economy, cutting back is sometimes necessary. groceries are expensive, and sometimes you gotta find ways to be more self-sufficient: windowsill herb gardens, cutting coupons, eating out less. i hear you.
so what about this??
think of it like a victory garden... in your pants!!
i guarantee this will get men to cook and have fun doing it!! brings families together!! don't contribute to overpopulation - do some cooking instead!!!
and vegans, i gotta know - where do you stand on this? i understand not wanting to eat meat or things that come out of animals who are trapped in their pens with their big eyes or fluffy feathers, i understand not wanting to steal from the bees' hard labor, but this?? i assure you, the animal in question feels no pain and would not be caged against its will and would probably be producing this ingredient out of boredom or loneliness regardless.
cum on, vegans!!
"spunky candied pecans"!! oh, wait - that has butter. hang on. if y'all are cool with the manjuice, you can have "noodles with special spicy sauce" and not wound anything!
it is actually a very practical cookbook, and offers several tips such as keeping a cumstash in the freezer to which you (one) contribute(s) every day so you always have provisions on hand. (three days in the fridge without deterioration, apparently indefinitely in the freezer) there are tips about maximizing your (one's) semen production, how to enhance its flavor, how to "melt" ejaculate, i mean, it is for the very resourceful, but the food photography is gorgeous, so even padma would probably put this stuff in her mouth!
and of course, a disclaimer "this cookbook is written for consenting diners of semen. please do not add semen to your guest's food without informing them beforehand."
those are the author's words, i am making no promises. ima get me a stable of males and some new saucepans.
oh, and lesball - there is a lumpia recipe!!
omnivore's dilemma indeed...
come to my blog!
in this economy, cutting back is sometimes necessary. groceries are expensive, and sometimes you gotta find ways to be more self-sufficient: windowsill herb gardens, cutting coupons, eating out less. i hear you.
so what about this??
think of it like a victory garden... in your pants!!
i guarantee this will get men to cook and have fun doing it!! brings families together!! don't contribute to overpopulation - do some cooking instead!!!
and vegans, i gotta know - where do you stand on this? i understand not wanting to eat meat or things that come out of animals who are trapped in their pens with their big eyes or fluffy feathers, i understand not wanting to steal from the bees' hard labor, but this?? i assure you, the animal in question feels no pain and would not be caged against its will and would probably be producing this ingredient out of boredom or loneliness regardless.
cum on, vegans!!
"spunky candied pecans"!! oh, wait - that has butter. hang on. if y'all are cool with the manjuice, you can have "noodles with special spicy sauce" and not wound anything!
it is actually a very practical cookbook, and offers several tips such as keeping a cumstash in the freezer to which you (one) contribute(s) every day so you always have provisions on hand. (three days in the fridge without deterioration, apparently indefinitely in the freezer) there are tips about maximizing your (one's) semen production, how to enhance its flavor, how to "melt" ejaculate, i mean, it is for the very resourceful, but the food photography is gorgeous, so even padma would probably put this stuff in her mouth!
and of course, a disclaimer "this cookbook is written for consenting diners of semen. please do not add semen to your guest's food without informing them beforehand."
those are the author's words, i am making no promises. ima get me a stable of males and some new saucepans.
oh, and lesball - there is a lumpia recipe!!
omnivore's dilemma indeed...
come to my blog!
unread-forever
March 28, 2015okay so maybe i will never purchase or sincerely review this tome. but the reading of this recipe book's excerpts and its various reviews on amazon created several days of continuous hilarity for me and my staff. and for that i must pay homage to it.
thanks for the guilt-free laughs, Natural Harvest!
also for inspiring the salty, protein-rich office potluck that took place that friday. delish, and good for you too!
__________
a sad update: mysteriously, the book and all of its sublime reviews have since been removed from amazon.
i think they must be a'feard of the terrible truths it speaks!
thanks for the guilt-free laughs, Natural Harvest!
also for inspiring the salty, protein-rich office potluck that took place that friday. delish, and good for you too!
__________
a sad update: mysteriously, the book and all of its sublime reviews have since been removed from amazon.
i think they must be a'feard of the terrible truths it speaks!
Want to read
September 13, 2010wow, this is my new absolute most favorite horrifying book. it even replaces this one, and I haven't even read it yet!!
Want to read
July 12, 2016
September 3, 2014
Contrary to the books title there is no recipe for jerked meat.
Read
September 27, 2011Wow.
Looks to me like an author out there is looking for a good use for all the spunk he's, uh, unloading.
Wow.
This whole being green/sustainable thing has gone too far, people.
TOO FAR!
Looks to me like an author out there is looking for a good use for all the spunk he's, uh, unloading.
Wow.
This whole being green/sustainable thing has gone too far, people.
TOO FAR!
January 30, 2017
I was very drunk when I bought this book. Dear God, the pictures...
Brings a whole new meaning to "gag gift."
Brings a whole new meaning to "gag gift."
October 15, 2011
Wow, I'm not sure where to begin. First off all, this is not for the kids, pretty adult themed content here, I mean almost ALL of these recipes call for some, well, you know...I've tried all of them (used my own supply! *_* not so bad. Don't limit yourself (or others) to what you can serve them w/ out really telling them what you're serving them, unless they like it! FREE MARTHA!!!!!!
reviews-say-no
September 15, 2015No. Just....no. I'm speechless right now.
December 5, 2021
Too much cooking, not enough semen.
November 15, 2024
Journalistic triumph!
Courageous, well-written, concise and straightforward instructions for discerning human consumers. Bravo for your depth of research and clear descriptions of this delicious topic 👍
Courageous, well-written, concise and straightforward instructions for discerning human consumers. Bravo for your depth of research and clear descriptions of this delicious topic 👍
August 21, 2011
I can't help but appreciate the originality. I can't help but be disturbed by the idea.
I admit, I have bought this as a gag gift for more than a few people. It never fails to please! And while Ihave yet to won't try any of the recipes, most seem to be pretty standard - with a lil semen mixed in during the last step. The author claims this is "so that the delicate flavors do not risk getting overwhelmed by the other ingredients or destroyed by the cooking process." So if you or your friends do not wish to have semen in your food, the good news is that this can double as a regular ol' cookbook! 2-for-1!
All 25 recipes include colorful photos and "clever" names: High Protein Smoothie, Irish Coffee with Extra Creme, Slightly Saltier Caviar, Creamy Cum Crepes ...you get the idea. There is also advice on Nutrition, Flavor, Volume and Storage.
Some favorite excerpts:
Please do not add semen to your guest's food without informing them beforehand.
Heat up a lightly oiled frying pan. Remove from heat and ejaculate directly into the pan, return to heat and fry the semen without stirring. This will create a mini-omelette, or in some cases, many small omelette-drops.
The frozen semen can be mixed with syrup and shaved ice to make yummy ice cones.
Hungry yet? :)
I admit, I have bought this as a gag gift for more than a few people. It never fails to please! And while I
All 25 recipes include colorful photos and "clever" names: High Protein Smoothie, Irish Coffee with Extra Creme, Slightly Saltier Caviar, Creamy Cum Crepes ...you get the idea. There is also advice on Nutrition, Flavor, Volume and Storage.
Some favorite excerpts:
Please do not add semen to your guest's food without informing them beforehand.
Heat up a lightly oiled frying pan. Remove from heat and ejaculate directly into the pan, return to heat and fry the semen without stirring. This will create a mini-omelette, or in some cases, many small omelette-drops.
The frozen semen can be mixed with syrup and shaved ice to make yummy ice cones.
Hungry yet? :)
January 12, 2022
THIS BOOK IS SO GOOD. Not only is the read good, but the recipes are unbeatable. I gave my husband the man-made oysters (made of his own semen!) and he LOVED it! It was so good. We experimented with many of the recipes before we discovered that most of them were best without any of the other ingredients! We ate straight semen for a few nights in a row. I was as delirious as I´d ever been, extremely hungry from lack of the rest of the ingredients, but I was constantly left with the best aftertaste: my husband's semen. I would like to applaud Photenhauer for putting together such a brilliantly sexy recipe book that will be passed down for generations, for my children and grandchildren to enjoy just as I did. My friends will all hear about it as well! Many of them have husbands and I'm sure they will all enjoy it. I can't wait for them all to thank me for showing them Natural Harvest!
Want to read
April 2, 2012I love that this book exists.
Just be careful not to over-salt. (Sorry, couldn't resist)
Just be careful not to over-salt. (Sorry, couldn't resist)
Read
April 27, 2012Oh my god this is wrong! But I can't stop laughing
March 14, 2017
They all tasted very good.
Read
June 11, 2017finally a recipe book I'll actually use
January 30, 2025
I'll say it. I dabbled in the recipes. If you wish to know why, see last paragraph.
Anyways, the sodium left my body and then entered back, is this recycling?
I refuse to give my thoughts on it, because I haven't thunk on it and frankly- I do not wish to know.
What I will tell is the experience. When the ingredients were 'harvested'- I decided on leaving it out for a few minutes to prepare other ingredients which resulted in the "texture" changing- specifically the viscousness. Additionally, the "frequency" unto which they're harvested also changes the texture with doing so without sufficient breaks resulting in lesser 'harvest' and thickness.
As for the taste- it was salty for the most part. I would highly suggest doing it on an empty bladder as not doing so increases the urea content in the 'harvest' which I unfortunately had to dispose of. The author claims that smoking, alcohol, seafood, and some other things change the flavor profile of the 'harvest' though that I can't confirm nor deny as I don't dabble in any of those.
A lot of people, when they turn 18 choose to drink, smoke, womanise, etc which I never believed is a sign of adulthood. I'm unsure if 'this' is better or worse. Regardless, one can't deny there's a fascination with the subject or atleast a desire to find out. I don't think my exploration was sexual in nature but more like a pioneer charting the uncharted (that's what I like to tell myself lmfao). The taste was honestly midling, the exploration or the journey here, the apprehension and such was the part worth experiencing.
Overall- meh taste. but worth the "fucking around, finding out"
Anyways, the sodium left my body and then entered back, is this recycling?
I refuse to give my thoughts on it, because I haven't thunk on it and frankly- I do not wish to know.
What I will tell is the experience. When the ingredients were 'harvested'- I decided on leaving it out for a few minutes to prepare other ingredients which resulted in the "texture" changing- specifically the viscousness. Additionally, the "frequency" unto which they're harvested also changes the texture with doing so without sufficient breaks resulting in lesser 'harvest' and thickness.
As for the taste- it was salty for the most part. I would highly suggest doing it on an empty bladder as not doing so increases the urea content in the 'harvest' which I unfortunately had to dispose of. The author claims that smoking, alcohol, seafood, and some other things change the flavor profile of the 'harvest' though that I can't confirm nor deny as I don't dabble in any of those.
A lot of people, when they turn 18 choose to drink, smoke, womanise, etc which I never believed is a sign of adulthood. I'm unsure if 'this' is better or worse. Regardless, one can't deny there's a fascination with the subject or atleast a desire to find out. I don't think my exploration was sexual in nature but more like a pioneer charting the uncharted (that's what I like to tell myself lmfao). The taste was honestly midling, the exploration or the journey here, the apprehension and such was the part worth experiencing.
Overall- meh taste. but worth the "fucking around, finding out"
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Read
June 18, 2025Nutritional Information
Semen is nutritious. It contains a good balance of fructose sugars, protein, enzymes, vitamins and min¬ erals. On its own, semen meets the criteria for a low-carb food. In fact. Dr. Atkins would probably have praised semen as an ideal food had it not been considered a faux pas.
Like any other natural organic product, the quality of semen depends on the health of its producer. Generally, healthy males produce high quality semen and vice-versa. As long as the semen is fresh and properly harvested, there is little risk of contamination. The quality and quantity of sperm is irrelevant when semen is eaten, so even vasectomised males can produce semen that is wonderful for cooking. The important factors are flavor, volume, and consistency.
Semen ingredients: Fructose, sorbitol, inositol, glutathione, deoxyribonucleic acid, creatine, phospho¬ rus, zinc, magnesium, calcium, potassium, ascorbic acid, vitamin B12, choline, testosterone, prostaglan¬ dins, lactic acid, uric acid, nitrogen.
Sounds gross
Semen is nutritious. It contains a good balance of fructose sugars, protein, enzymes, vitamins and min¬ erals. On its own, semen meets the criteria for a low-carb food. In fact. Dr. Atkins would probably have praised semen as an ideal food had it not been considered a faux pas.
Like any other natural organic product, the quality of semen depends on the health of its producer. Generally, healthy males produce high quality semen and vice-versa. As long as the semen is fresh and properly harvested, there is little risk of contamination. The quality and quantity of sperm is irrelevant when semen is eaten, so even vasectomised males can produce semen that is wonderful for cooking. The important factors are flavor, volume, and consistency.
Semen ingredients: Fructose, sorbitol, inositol, glutathione, deoxyribonucleic acid, creatine, phospho¬ rus, zinc, magnesium, calcium, potassium, ascorbic acid, vitamin B12, choline, testosterone, prostaglan¬ dins, lactic acid, uric acid, nitrogen.
Sounds gross
January 30, 2020
Natural Harvest
I came across this book on a podcast and thought it must be a joke. I decided to download on to my Kindle for a read. The book is a serious book about cooking with male bodily fluid. I personally do not fancy adding the ingredient to the enclosed recipes. But it is a good recipe boom for people that what to experiment with cooking, and have the stamina to produce the special ingredient.
I came across this book on a podcast and thought it must be a joke. I decided to download on to my Kindle for a read. The book is a serious book about cooking with male bodily fluid. I personally do not fancy adding the ingredient to the enclosed recipes. But it is a good recipe boom for people that what to experiment with cooking, and have the stamina to produce the special ingredient.
October 5, 2018
Okay. Okay. I know what you're thinking and as much as I'd love to lead everyone on....NO, I did not try any recipes. It was a free Kindle download and my curiosity got the best of me. None of this sounded appealing to me and while I don't want to judge preferences, this was more than a little odd. It made for some seriously great laughs, though.
March 19, 2023
Never knew there was that many recipes that utilize semen as an ingredient. Kinda wish there was a cookie recipe tho...
Read
July 27, 2023-10/5
Barely any effort put into the recipes and looking at the photo of the Semen Oysters made me feel sick
Barely any effort put into the recipes and looking at the photo of the Semen Oysters made me feel sick
July 29, 2025
I will say that thankfully the author Advises against feeding semen to one's own guests without full disclosure as to what they are ingesting
Want to read
November 24, 2008we're having a pot-luck
winter-in-pandemonium
November 28, 2013I don't even know what to say to this...
Please be sure to tell me, if I were to dine at your house, that you used this particular ingredient to cook the food I'm about to eat.
Please be sure to tell me, if I were to dine at your house, that you used this particular ingredient to cook the food I'm about to eat.
June 23, 2016
While I ADORE the idea of a semen-based cookbook, I dropped it to 3 stars because there are only a handful of recipes and even fewer that I would potentially try.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 31 reviews