Good Grief: On Loving Pets, Here and Hereafter

by E.B. Bartels

An unexpected, poignant, and personal account of loving and losing pets, exploring the singular bonds we have with our companion animals, and how to grieve them once they’ve passed. E.B. Bartels has had a lot of pets—dogs, birds, fish, tortoises. As varied a bunch as they are, they’ve taught her one universal to own a pet is to love a pet, and to own a pet is also—with rare exception—to lose that pet in time. But while we have codified traditions to mark the passing of our fellow humans, most cultures don’t have the same for pets. Bartels takes us from Massachusetts to Japan, from ancient Egypt to the modern era, in search of the good pet death. We meet veterinarians, archaeologists, ministers, and more, offering an idiosyncratic, inspiring array of rituals—from the traditional (scattering ashes, commissioning a portrait), to the grand (funereal processions, mausoleums), to the unexpected (taxidermy, cloning). The central there is no best practice when it comes to mourning your pet, except to care for them in death as you did in life, and find the space to participate in their end as fully as you can. Punctuated by wry, bighearted accounts of Bartels’s own pets and their deaths, Good Grief is a cathartic companion through loving and losing our animal family.

Genres: Nonfiction, Animals, Grief, Self Help, Death, Cats, Dogs

272 pages, Hardcover

Published August 2, 2022

Reviews

[E.B. · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can rate my own book five stars, right???

[Dee · Rating 4 out of 5]

My sincere thanks to the publisher & NetGalley for sending this eARC right when I so need it (RIP my beloved Dexter cat 😿😿). For anyone who is, has or will be coping with pet loss & grief, this book helps. It was reassuring to know "you're not alone" as humans having been mourning & memorializing their animal companions since the beginning of recorded history. IT HELPED! Recommend this fairly quick read highly.

[Diane Barnes · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a rich, informative book about the way people all over the world love their pets and honor them when they die. Fish, birds, turtles, horses, cats, dogs; it's all covered here through the lens of the author's own pets since childhood. Well researched and amusingly written, any animal lover can get something from this.

[Sheena · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you Francesca from Harper Collins for sending me this book directly!

"When we open our hearts to animals, death is the inevitable price."

E.B. Bartels’ really did her research on this! I learned a lot about pet death, including how people chose cloning and taxidermy as an option. *I didn’t know you could clone a pet and that it costs $50k.*

I loved how Bartels’ takes us through different traditions and cultures from Egypt, Japan, and America. I love how people are the same across cultures when it comes to losing a pet even if there are differences in how we deal with them. Not only did I learn a lot, but we also get to read about Bartels’ experience with loving and losing pets. You won’t leave this book tear free, specifically if you've lost a pet too but this definitely is very validating. I recommend this quick yet informative read for any pet or animal lover! I highlighted quite a few different passages/quotes but the one below really spoke to me as I could relate and when I was going through my own loss - I felt very alone.

"Just because an animal is gone, even if its death is long in the past, that doesn't mean that pet isn't part of you. It doesn't mean that the experience of having that pet didn't profoundly change you, or make your life better, or help you become a stronger, happier person. And even if it's been six years, thirteen years, a whole lifetime, those animals still deserve to be honored and remembered."

Thank you to Netgalley for an advanced copy of this book! I'm happy to have had it sent my way.

[Sharon Huether · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author grew up with a mother that tried to shield her from the grief of losing a pet.
Finally she relented to let her daughter have a fish and them more fist. Then after they died she was allowed to have a bird, in time it also died, plus a turtle that just left on it's own.

She tell how people bury their pets and pet cemeteries. How people mummifie the stuff their pets .
Her friend Mari got a cat that was kind of wild acting,...when Meri's mother had cancer the cat would not leave her bed.

Dogs can mourn their owners when they died. They usually sit in one place waiting for their master to return During the Corona virus many pets were orphaned. The groups wags and whickers adopted many of them and found new homes for them too.

I won this free ARC book form Marina Books

[Tracey · Rating 5 out of 5]

I knew when I requested this book that it would be a hard read for me. I'm nearly at the one year anniversary of the loss of my beloved Savannah, the dog in my profile picture, and while I've been down this road quite a few times throughout my life, for some reason the loss of her has hit so much harder and I've not managed to move past the sharp knife of early grief. I originally read this book in April, but found I needed to take some space and reread it a month later when I was a bit more prepared for what was coming.

Bartels takes us on a trip through the lives of her past pets while simultaneously taking us on a current tour of pet cemeteries and memorials of all types in order to discuss and understand the different ways that people have mourned and honored the loss of their companion animals. It is touching and heartbreaking and a labor of love. I can see how it might also be comforting to know that others have felt the same way, but in finding myself overwhelmed in my personal grief still, I wasn't quite able to experience that. In the end, the passion and respect and love of animals shines through, making this an important read for anyone who loves animals.

My thanks to Mariner Books, the author, and NetGalley for the opportunity to read this ARC in exchange for an honest review.

[Jill · Rating 5 out of 5]

Predictably, I loved this book. I was a little hesitant to read it at first because I was worried it would be too sad, but E.B. did a great job of balancing the emotion with fascinating facts and light humor. I learned a lot from this book and only cried twice! My dog also got some extra pets because he is a good boy and the very best. This is a must-read for anyone who has a pet.

[Michelle | musingsbymichelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a beautiful and thoughtful book that made me smile and shed a few tears. Full review to come!

Ps. Friends on NetGalley— this is available to request and I highly recommend it!

[Rich Bartels · Rating 5 out of 5]

A truly beautiful and heart warming book about how people handle the loss of a pet. Everyone who has ever had a pet or has a pet or wants a pet should see how deeply EB thinks and cares about her pets and those of her friends and acquaintances. The description of euthanasia is particularly poignant.

[Karen Andersen · Rating 5 out of 5]

ANY household with ANY kind of pet needs to read this wonderful book!
From fish, birds, reptiles, rodents, horses, to cats and dogs the stories and experiences are touching and moving. Bartels’ writing is simply beautiful. What a joy to read about the pets who bring us all so much joy!

[Steph · Rating 5 out of 5]

Today, July 30th, 2024, marks two years since Snacks passed away. He was the greatest dog who ever lived. I would like to share a book review as well as a few photos of the ways we have honored his life throughout the years. Shoutout to my mom for making us a beautiful box for his ashes; we were finally able to lay him to rest and dress up his little shelf ♥

Anyway, this book came out literally 3 days after he died and I’ve checked it out so many times but could never bring myself to read it because I thought it was going to be too sad. I’m so glad I finally did -- instead of being a self-help book, this was more of a Caitlin Doughty-style report; reverent, humorous, emotional, and fascinating. The book is a culmination of ten years of research, replete with statistics and facts about people and their love for their animals all around the world and throughout history, with occasional anecdotal excerpts from the author’s life as well as other personal interviews with pet lovers. I really liked the citations of other really great writers like Nicole Chung, who I quoted in one of the photos because I love what she had to say.

‘Good Grief’ offers an objective look at the deeply personal ways that people grieve and honor their pets, in a way that doesn’t judge even the more extreme methods (like taxidermying your cat’s paw and turning it into a letter opener, which I learned is literally what Charles Dickens did with his cat, Bob). Whether your style is commissioning a portrait or plushie, having a whole funeral procession and gravestone at a cemetery, or embalming your pet, your grief is yours to hold and however you care for your beloved pet in death is yours to own. Overall this was such an unexpectedly pleasant read and I’m glad to recommend it!

[Lauren · Rating 5 out of 5]

I somehow deleted my review for this wonderful book 🤦🏼‍♀️ reposting:

What an absolute gift this book is: so deeply researched, empathetically written, and endlessly captivating. Truly necessary reading for anyone who’s owned a pet — I laughed and cried from beginning to end and can’t wait to revisit this for years to come!

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

If I could I would give this a hundred stars . What a heartfelt book so full of loving tributes to the power of animals both pets and working in our lives .
Well written and jam packed with interesting anecdotes and personal memories from the author ‘s own pet experiences .
Though the book is about the loss of pets it is much more about what we find in the power of our love of animals … the power to live . I plan to buy many copies for friends and the little libraries in my community .
Thank you Net Galley for the honor to review this book and thank you to the author by making the world a better place by writing it .

[Nikki · Rating 5 out of 5]

You can feel your heart cracking open as you read Bartels' memories of her lost pets. With impeccable research and examination, she explores our love affair with our pets and why we continue to welcome them into our families in spite of the weight of their loss. Any one who has ever loved and lost a pet needs to read this book!

[Ariel · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was just what I needed. It’s for anyone who has ever “felt alone in their grief over their animal,
anyone who felt like a weirdo for feeling such excruciating hurt at the death of their pet.”

[Elizabeth Good · Rating 5 out of 5]

You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll hug your animal pals closer. A phenomenal book!

[Mary Conopa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I searched 2 hours for a book that would help me through the grieving process the day after losing my dog. And this was the only one I could find specifically on "pet loss" grief. This book carried me from the moment I lost my friend a couple of weeks ago through today, when I was on my way to spread his ashes in our favorite spot. I cant thank the author enough for doing the research and providing a "community" and validation at just the right time when I needed it the most.

[Tori · Rating 4 out of 5]

I didn't realize how much joy this book would bring me! Don't get me wrong I definitely cried a handful of times, but I loved the deep dive into so many different forms of grief relating to pets. Mummification, taxidermy, and pet cemeteries! This is my type of non-fiction! It covers facts and humanity all while feeling so personal!

[Kayla · Rating 5 out of 5]

An incredibly heartfelt book that provides comfort and a sense that you’re not alone when grieving the loss of a pet. I’m reading this a year after my sweet cat Tabitha passed away, and definitely cried a few times.

[Scott Morgan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I personally loved all the stories of the various pets, funerary practices and customs of shared grief. There have been some passages in here that, when applied to my loss of my cat Ziggy, made me cry. I think this is slowly helping me process and grieve. I enjoyed this read, personally.

[Ash · Rating 5 out of 5]

Like 4.5 but why not.

[Heather · Rating 3 out of 5]

Roughly half personal history, half general meditation on how humans think about and handle pet death. A few times I read a paragraph that perfectly described what I think are universal truths about the pet-human relationship. Once I was a few chapters in I really started appreciated the chapter themes and titles: Stallions and Stardom, Rodents and Responsibility, and the best came last: Canines and Community. I also appreciated the chapter about racehorses, and learning about Charles Dickens' special letter opener. I presume this is the author's first book, and I'm probably biased because of the topic but it was easy to read, compelling, and mostly interesting! Nice work.

[Megan Jones · Rating 5 out of 5]

I listened to this at the recommendation of my therapist. She had heard it discussed in other circles, and I am grieving so deeply for my soulcat's passing. Unlike the other book I am reading, this one focuses on all kinds of circumstances, but also normalizes grief and normalizes the pain that comes with losing an animal. Also filled with engaging stories from her own experiences and others. Definitely worth a read if you or anyone you know has ever lost a beloved animal.

[Joyce · Rating 4 out of 5]

256 pages

4 stars

Having loved and lost several pets in my long life, I was reluctant to choose this book. I didn’t want to bring all that grief back to the forefront of my mind. But I chose it anyway. To my surprise, it helped soothe the pain of loss. I kept thinking fondly of the pets I had lost (not without a tear or two), but I also remembered the good times. The times we had fun and the unconditional love they provided me.

I still feel sad, but also I’m glad I read the book. I strongly recommend it.

I want to add that I think my favorite pet cemetery is the one in Japan where the author witnessed the ceremony. I thought that was beautiful.

The book contains a bibliography for those who want to further explore the subject.

I want to thank NetGalley and Harper Collins/Mariner Press for forwarding to me a copy of this very informative book for me to read and review. The opinions expressed here are solely my own.

[Jenna]

It took me a day. I feel like I cannot accurately rate this book because I feel like I cannot actually get over my grief of my recently passed dog. It was an interesting read and it made me cry on more than one occasion, but unfortunately it gave me no closure. Not that it was suppose to... I'm just trying to figure out some sort of coping mechanism or way to find some closure. I can't rate this book in any sort of accuracy except to say that I felt for the writer because I grew up a lover of pets as well and that now I kind of wish I had 50k so I could have cloned by dog and also mummified her as well...so there's that. My hearts still broken, but the book was interesting.

Oh, and E.B I'm really sorry you lost your tortoise. I'd still be wondering if he was out there wandering around to this day...in fact, I am for you.

[vicinthemeadow · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book came highly and frequently recommended to me after recently having to say goodbye to my greyhound, Boo, and it is hands down the best book on the topic of pet loss I’ve read since. In fact I think everyone with a pet should read this book whether they’re still here or not. Rather than only focusing on grief, the owner shares both personal stories of pet loss throughout her life and interviews many interesting people in the pet death world (taxidermists, cloning, vets, people who have gone through pet loss etc). It really covered so much ground and made me feel much less alone in my big hard feelings right now (and occasionally gave a much needed laugh).

[Krista Pojman · Rating 4 out of 5]

I throughouly enjoyed this book! It delved into different mourning practices around the world for our beloved pets 

My one qualm was that it was very human-centric. I'm surpirsed the author never reflected upon her past pets living situations (small animals specifically: fish, birds, hamsters, and turtles) It's clear author absolutely loved her childhood pets, but it would have been nice to give quick footnote to educate readers about learning from childhood mistakes for animal quality of life. For example: "As much as Ioved my fish, doing research now, I know that bettas need much more room than a 1 gallon tank and plastic plants." There wasn't any acknowledgement, though that was not the focus of the book.

[Elyssa · Rating 5 out of 5]

As someone who lost two beloved pets in the last eight months, one 16 year old chihuahua, Pearl, that I had since I was 16 and an unexpected goodbye to a beloved cat, 6 year old, Lark, I was prepared to be torn apart. However, this was a lovely book. What Caitlin Doughty and Mary Roach (Stiff) due for human death education, Bartels has done for pets in beautifully.
However, I am glad she left the dogs for last, as they were the most heart wrenching.

[Briana Winters · Rating 5 out of 5]

I will need to collect myself and come back to write a thorough review. I initially first picked up this book and started reading it when I was heavy in my months of pre-grieving before the loss of my Gwen in October of 2023, but I had not realized that the author also had a dog named Gwen and that truly struck a major chord with me.. I will return to this with an actual coherent review when I’m less emotional♥️

[Taylor · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was recommended to me after the recent loss of my dog. I highly recommend this book if you’re experiencing any form of pet grief. I enjoyed reading about E.B.’s personal experiences with pets, as well as the discussions about different aspects of pet death. Despite it being a difficult topic, I thought this was a heartwarming book that discusses the significant impact pets have in our lives. 🤍