Nice White Ladies: The Truth about White Supremacy, Our Role in It, and How We Can Help Dismantle It

by Jessie Daniels

An acclaimed expert illuminates the distinctive role that white women play in perpetuating racism, and how they can work to fight it 

In a nation deeply divided by race, the “Karens” of the world are easy to villainize. But in Nice White Ladies, Jessie Daniels addresses the unintended complicity of even well-meaning white women. She reveals how their everyday choices harm communities of color. White mothers, still expected to be the primary parents, too often uncritically choose to send their kids to the “best” schools, collectively leading to a return to segregation. She addresses a feminism that pushes women of color aside, and a wellness industry that insulates white women in a bubble of their own privilege.

Daniels then charts a better path forward. She looks to the white women who fight neo-Nazis online and in the streets, and who challenge all-white spaces from workplaces to schools to neighborhoods. In the end, she shows how her fellow white women can work toward true equality for all.

Genres: Nonfiction, Feminism, Race, Politics, Social Justice, Womens, History

304 pages, Kindle Edition

Published October 12, 2021

About the author

Jessie Daniels, PhD is Professor of Sociology at Hunter College and an internationally recognized expert in Internet expressions of racism. She has an MA and PhD in Sociology from the University of Texas at Austin.

Reviews

[Emmalita · Rating 5 out of 5]

I remember the moment when I realized that white women, as a whole, are not crusaders for social justice, but enforcers of white supremacy. I had been working towards it for a while. It happened a lot later than I’d like to admit, and the realization took a while to sink in. I’d like to say I’ve given up my illusions about the role of the white woman in the world, but the things we absorb subconsciously as children are the hardest to root out. My eyes started opening in 2008 when Tina Fey and Amy Poehler co-anchored Saturday Night Live’s Weekend Update and tried to persuade Democrats in Texas and Ohio to nominate Hillary Clinton instead of Barak Obama because, yes, she is a bitch and that’s a good thing.

TINA FEY: Maybe what bothers me the most is that people say that Hillary is a bitch. Let me say something about that: Yeah, she is. So am I and so is this one. [Points to Amy Poehler]

AMY POEHLER: Yeah, deal with it.

TINA FEY: You know what, bitches get stuff done. That’s why Catholic schools use nuns as teachers and not priests. Those nuns are mean old clams and they sleep on cots and they’re allowed to hit you. And at the end of the school year you hated those bitches but you knew the capital of Vermont. So, I’m saying it’s not too late Texas and Ohio, bitch is the new black!

Excerpt from Salon.com By TRACY CLARK-FLORY
PUBLISHED FEBRUARY 25, 2008 5:10PM (EST)

“Bitches get stuff done” and “bitch is the new black” were everywhere. I happily chirruped the first, but the second one bothered me. It very clearly pitted (white) women against Black people and that’s way too…accurate. I don’t think I ever said it, but I also didn’t know how to explain why it felt ugly to me. Yes, a white woman and a Black man were competing for the nomination, but “bitch is the new black” wasn’t about Clinton versus Obama. It was about us versus them and even then I could see the only winner in that fight was white men.

I’ve spent the last few years learning and unlearning so that I can move from a surface level “racism is bad” to an active anti-racism. Jessie Daniels’ Nice White Ladies is a piece I needed. It explains me and the world I have moved in to me. Daniels is a few years older than I am, and we had fairly different upbringings, but like me, she is from Texas and we had similar American history as presented by the State of Texas educations. Reading Nice White Ladies felt like talking to an old friend who is much smarter than I am, who kindly lays out their arguments brick by brick. I always knew where she was going, but she helped me walk with more confidence. It is a must read if you are white and want to evolve past white feminism in a meaningful way.

Nice White Ladies is deeply personal. Daniels uses examples from her own life and her family to illustrate how white womanhood is entrenched in white supremacy, how we are rewarded and incentivized to maintain it, and how it is killing us.

I will be recommending this to almost everyone I know. I’m pretty sure some of my friends are going to find it uncomfortable, while others will feel the relief that I felt in seeing our half understood discomforts explained so clearly.

I received this as an advance reader copy from NetGalley. My opinions are my own.

[Kristi Naretto · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wanted to take some time away before I did a review on this book. Obviously, the subject matter could be considered sensitive and timely. There were things about this book that bothered me, and I wanted to step back and evaluate if that was because I found them fundamentally bothersome or if it was because they struck close to home and made me uncomfortable as a white woman.

After some reflection, my answer is: both.

Dr. Daniels gathered and included many indisputable historical events that illustrate the contribution of white women to the continued oppression of Black men and women for centuries. From white women slave owners to modern day ‘Karen’s,’ she does an excellent job highlighting how white women have weaponized the police and law enforcement while carefully maintaining their image of morality. She provides many modern examples of white women wielding their white feminism in ways that are both intentionally and unintentionally harmful to BIPOC and gender non-conforming individuals. I found myself tagging many of the examples and quotes that were provided throughout the book to read and reflect on. For instance, the role that white feminists play in excluding transgender and minority women from participating in and benefiting from the larger feminist movement. I did like that she called out some perpetrators of oppressive narratives that favor positive experiences of white women (I’m looking at you, Vagina Monologues).

There are some areas where the writing is kind of dry and at times, she seems as though she is trying to repent for her whiteness. I internally groaned every time that she mentioned the advantages that she received from being a white feminist. By now, I think anyone who denies the institutional advantages of being white is making a choice to remain ignorant. It felt unnecessary to continue driving home her own personal benefits from being white. Another area that I struggled with was understanding where the solutions were for some of the issues that she highlighted, such as, white women benefit from white men earning more than any other sex/racial group. There is no dispute that this is true, however, I didn’t find that there was any suggestion on a way to combat this unfortunate phenomenon.

I read this book while I read Take My Hand, which is a historical fiction account of the sterilization of minority women, poor women, and women declared mentally ill well into the 20th century. Recently, the sterilization of migrant women in detention centers has called attention to the continuation of this terrible practice. Reading these two concurrently helped me to gain a greater understanding of the message in each.

This book would have been a 4-star read for me, but I rounded down for the dry presentation that made me close the book more often than I usually do when reading a non-fiction work. While I didn’t agree with every conclusion that the author drew from her research, it gave me some insight and addressed many topics and ideas about whiteness, feminism, and oppression that I had not considered.

I received this book as a Goodreads Giveaway in exchange for an honest review. Thank you to Goodreads and Seal Press for the advance reader copy and a chance to provide an early review.

[Anna · Rating 1 out of 5]

Amazingly stupid.

As a not quite white woman, this book is ridiculous in its self aggrandizement and self congratulatory attitude. She starts off with her assurance that her white family is uneducated and racist, so we need to believe everything she says. She devolves from there. There’s no substance, just a lot of virtue signaling and examples of how good she really is. We all know there are all kinds of people, of every shade from midnight to pasty white and every belief and thought in between. Should white women stop being nice? Should black women be rude? Be who you are, and try your best to be kind and loving to everyone. Let it end there

[Darryl · Rating 5 out of 5]

part biography of Daniels’ life, part analysis of white Womens’ role in creating and upholding systemic racism - with an overarching call to her own to, ultimately, do better by Black and other POC fighting against white supremacy, Nice White Ladies was an interesting and informative read. i enjoyed it. i have been interested in Daniels for years [thank you for following me on twitter =)]. here, Daniels presents an excellent analysis of everything from gun rights, weddings, the welfare system, motherhood, school and the hoarding of educational resources (to the detriment of Black and Brown families - ex college admissions scandal), and white Womens’ role in these detrimental systems.

Daniels draws on her own experiences coming into her identity as a Queer white Woman. i found Daniels’ analysis honest and compassionate, and devoid of white guilt and self loathing - often exhibited by white people in general (which is a micro aggression). in that, Daniels states her case - based in history, recent events, and anecdotes - to present solutions for other white Women in their duty to take down white supremacy. not to act as an “ally” (a term i personally reject) but to recognize that is is their job to address the systems they have created and continue to uphold. Daniels very clearly expresses here that if white women can take accountability, they can change a lot of the harmful behaviors they knowingly or unknowingly* perpetrate, to ultimately be more just and to create a world more comfortable and just for nonwhite people. i did not read this book as a “calling out” or a “dragging” of white Women, and instead, as a calling in or love letter of sorts, to her community.

i will say, reading some of the anecdotal stories about how Daniels' own family, and the individual white women and men throughout history and the present, are….basically…. super fucked up, was upsetting at times. this is of course a product of constantly facing the harsh reality of white oppression as a Black person. i am here to face the reality, however, to ultimately make the world better for my people, regardless of where i can find the tools or who is offering them. i do believe these various systems of oppression need to be continually named - so i appreciate Daniels’ work here.

one particuarly interesting concept Daniels grapples with here is “learning to be white.” there, Daniels makes the case (building off of other scholars) that such learning (sometimes) could be a form of child abuse, as white children are taught to differentiate and seperate themselves from nonwhite people, and the mental troubles that could cause for white children. i’d like to read more on this.

i appreciate Daniels for being straightforward. i also appreciate her intersectional framework here, which is based on her own identity as a Queer Woman. i give it 5 stars and would absolutely read and follow more of Daniels’ scholarship.

[Ann Douglas · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is such an important book -- and a book I know I'll be returning to again and again.

I love the book's deeply personal tone. The author isn't just asking other "nice white ladies" to consider how they have benefitted from access to white supremacy: she's doing that work herself -- and sharing her own personal thinking and learning on the page. As she writes in the book's incredibly compelling introduction:

"This book is not merely an intellectual exercise. Instead, the stakes here are very personal for me. I have experienced the destructiveness of whiteness firsthand, in suicide and failed relationships and intergenerational trauma. For me, telling the truth about white supremacy and working to end it are interlaced with my own liberation and yours. I want this book to be a catalyst for dismantling the systemic racism that we, nice white ladies, have upheld. And I want this book to help women raised white to reach beyond the strictures of niceness and the constraints of ladyhood to experience their full humanity and to join the rest of us in working toward a better world for everyone."

I really want that, too -- for you, for me, for all of us. And so, I want to encourage you to read this book and, if you're willing, to consider getting together with me and a small group of other women to talk about it. So far, I have about a dozen women interested in having this conversation. Let me know if you might be interested, too.

[Rachel Blackmer · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book affected me so deeply that the moment I finished it, I started rereading it. I needed to process and internalize all of its disturbing and eye-opening truths. After a month of processing, here's my review.
Toward the beginning of the book, Daniels tells a story about a man making racist comments and her feelings of guilt about not responding to him because she had been raised to be “nice.” I thought that the book was going to be about situations like that; how I as a white woman can stop being so nice, and be a better, bolder antiracist. I was actually confused at the beginning of the book by all of the historical accounts of white womens’ racism. I didn’t understand how they related to me...until she wrote about Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome. PTSS has been proven to be passed down from former slaves to their descendants. Daniels then asks, “What is it that the white slave-owning mistress handed down to white women today through this intergenerational process of transmission? The sadism that summons death by dialing 911, the callous disregard for suffering, and the bounty of white wealth. Slavery remains with us in the here and now.” That hit hard.
Sadism is a strong word. Throughout the book Daniels justifies her use of it related to white supremacy, or what she calls “being raised white.” She uses intentionally jarring language, which can be offensive to some readers. For me, it worked. But be warned, reading this book can be a soul-crushing experience.
When I heard about a white woman calling the police on a bird-watching black man, I thought that she was just being dumb. I did not realize that to him, it was a threat to his life. It's because I was raised white that the consequences for him didn't even occur to me. Enjoying white privilege and wealth while being completely ignorant about the cost for people of color is what Daniels calls the sadism of white supremacy.
Daniels writes, “White Americans are consistently taught that it is only right for them to focus solely on their own opportunities and resources.” She gives an excellent example of this in the wellness and clean eating movements, which are made up of mostly white women. Instead of advocating for mental health or healthy food for everyone, white women spend fortunes on our own well-being while being perfectly fine with most of the population missing out on what we enjoy. I'm guilty of this.
She writes, “When we form families, we draw a circle around the people we care about. Those within the circle are deserving of our fullest care; those outside, less so. That circle of kinship represents love and acceptance, and too often, white women are instrumental in the decision to stash wealth in white-only families and pass on their advantage for generations to come.” We ensure that our children live in the “safest” all-white neighborhoods, go to the “best” all-white schools, and receive inheritances of our vast wealth that is responsible for and widens the racial wealth gap in this country. The word “safe” now is a trigger word for me. I hear white people use it often to describe a neighborhood or a school based on its’ racial makeup. Seventy-five percent of white people in the U.S. don’t have a single friend of a different race! But we will say that we “aren’t racist,” we just “love white people,” which is a direct quote from a former Grand Dragon of the Ku Klux Klan.
Daniels states that when white people hear about the murders and wrongful imprisonment of black and brown people in this country, we often feel bad for them in the same way as those affected by a natural disaster. The difference is that we can actually do something about these tragedies! We often don’t take action, though, because Daniels says, “We who are raised white have been trained to distance ourselves from the pain of others.” Since we don’t live or even interact with people of other races, we can’t identify with them. We feel safe in our white worlds and it feels like those things are happening a million miles away from us. We don’t experience empathy toward grieving families if they don’t look like us. James Baldwin wrote that, “the ‘price of the ticket’ required to become white is to give up one’s full humanity.”
Daniels really made me grieve the emptiness that comes with being raised white. Fellow Goodreads member Marc Shelske summed up the book so well when he said, “White Womanhood is a protective shell around an aching emptiness usually filled by cultural belonging.” Daniels writes that, “to be white is to be culturally broke.” “The classic thing white students say when you ask them to talk about who they are is, ‘I don’t have a culture.’ They might be privileged, they might be loaded socioeconomically, but they feel bankrupt when it comes to culture.” Compared to my interactions with immigrant friends, I have felt that lack of culture for years. Daniels then points out that we actually do have a culture, it just isn’t as feel-good as other cultures. In fact, it’s quite damaging. She describes it as, “the tendency toward perfectionism, either-or thinking, efficiency, paternalism, fear of open conflict, and valuing individuality over collective goals.” Yup. I can see all of that, and it’s a recipe for misery. She writes extensively citing statistics as evidence of white misery. We have skyrocketing suicide rates. We have higher rates of chronic pain and mental illness diagnoses compared to those of other races. We have white fragility, which indicates our lack of resilience.
Many people I know were offended when I shared some of what I learned from this book with them. They felt that Daniels was vilifying white people. Frankly, I understand their concern. I felt vilified while reading it! But after finishing the book, I felt grateful. My eyes were opened to some big problems within my culture that I want to work actively to change. I can now identify ways that I am unhappy because I was raised white. I want the generosity, empathy, and community that Daniels promises on the other side of the work to root out white supremacy in our own lives.
My major complaint about the book is that it doesn’t come with a support group! I know that I have a lot of work to do, and I need more resources than what she provides briefly at the end of the book. The podcast From Woke to Work by Kamala Avila-Salmon has been a helpful next step for me on this journey. I would highly recommend it as a follow-up to this book.
I also wish that Daniels hadn't brought politics so much into the book. Because she was so clearly advocating for the ideals of the democratic party, I had to pause frequently and sort through a lot of the polarizing rhetoric. I knew that I couldn't recommend it to many of my friends and family. They would likely reject the entire message when they read certain portions that are incongruent with their political ideals, which unfortunately would prevent them from examining their own white supremacy.

[Becki · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book gave me a lot to think about. I *am* a Nice White Lady. The premise of the book is that we, as white women, tend to see ourselves as somewhat oppressed in comparison to white men, but that we have privilege because of our whiteness that we at best- don't recognize, and at worst- perpetuate and protect for our own benefit, to the detriment of marginalized others. The book was filled with individual stories taken from news articles in conjunction with pertinent data, alongside (to a lesser degree) the author's own personal experience.

Sometimes reading a book like this can be overwhelming. I was glad that the Conclusion chapter listed several points of action. The "Notes" section contained more resources and interesting information. I may not be in full agreement on every single conclusion from this author, but I will definitely continue to think about her words, and will continue to draw from other voices in this arena.

I received an ARC of this book in exchange for my honest opinion. My thanks to the author, publisher, and #NetGalley for such a thought provoking read. #NiceWhiteLadies

--------------------------
Transparency- My most honest rating for this book is 4 stars. It's very important info, and well written, but it was a bit dry in some places, and some arguments felt a little circular. I'm annoyed, though, with raters who gave this book 1 or 2 stars with no review. My only guess is that either they didn't read the book, or they didn't like what the book had to say about "nice white ladies". I bumped my review up one star to try to counter those reviews.

[Carrie Rose · Rating 1 out of 5]

In this book, Jessie Daniels tells the sad story of being rejected by her mother at birth because she was too white. She still seems to be carrying that pain. Throughout the book, she talks about the shame and guilt caused by being white, the moral bankruptcy of whiteness, the hollowness and emptiness of whiteness, etc., as though these are obvious to the reader and don't have to be explained. Perhaps some readers feel that way. I, however, couldn't figure out what she was talking about. I understand being "white" as a reference to the level of pigmentation in someone's skin. It's terrible when anyone attaches any feelings of moral superiority to that, as happens with racism. But it's also inappropriate to expect someone to feel shame or guilt about their skin pigmentation. There is clearly more to Daniels' references to "whiteness" than just skin color, but she never explained it. I think I was just supposed to know what she meant.

Daniels criticizes Ellen Degeneres because Degeneres believes in being kind to others, including those whose political beliefs we disagree with. At the end of the book, Daniels encourages us to "find a spiritual community that is committed to the idea of radical, inclusive love," but I think that inclusive love should include kindness to others who don't agree with us! Most of the book really didn't talk much about love, and Daniels is rejecting the idea of being "nice." I was confused about Daniels' definition of a "nice white lady," because she talks about entitled white women behaving badly ("Karens") and seems to be including them in the group of nice white ladies. How is those people's behavior "nice?" Maybe there's just some underlying cultural meaning behind these terms that I have never understood.

Daniels seems to come from a mental place where she is searching for emotional truth, and I evaluate things more analytically. I kept grasping for something factual that I could relate to. At last, in a later chapter, she started discussing life expectancies of white people, and women in particular. She made some claims that didn't sound true to me (that white people's life expectancies have recently been trending downward while other races' life expectancies have been rising), and I looked forward to examining her sources to see the data and the trends. One claim in particular sounded very surprising: that white women without a high school diploma had a five year drop in life expectancy between 1990 and 2008. I really wanted to see the numbers on that! Unfortunately, she completely failed to cite her sources. I did some internet searches and couldn't find support for her claims. The CDC publishes life expectancies based on year of birth, gender, and race, and I just wasn't seeing the drop in life expectancies in white people that Daniels claimed was happening. I didn't find any lists of life expectancies specific to white women without a high school diploma, but between 1990 and 2008, white women's life expectancies increased overall, so I'm highly suspicious of the claim about the five year decrease. The exact details of white women's life expectancies isn't the important issue here. What is problematic for me is that Daniels seems to be making things up (or perhaps believing other people who are making things up) and presenting them as facts. Maybe she made a genuine mistake in misinterpreting the data, but she failed to cite her sources, and that's a major problem for me. It makes her misleading information appear intentional.

Daniels believes that we should dismantle the nuclear family because it is white supremacist. It's hard even to know where to begin in my disagreement with that. She's not clear in what alternatives she is proposing. She doesn't have children, and I don't know if she has a way in mind that she would like children to be raised. If I try to imagine a perfect world without racism, I think children spending their entire childhoods with two primary caregivers who love and care for them and each other is a pretty good structure for society. Maybe she's just wanting more involvement from friends and extended family, which I can certainly support, but I suspect that's not what she has in mind. Again, she's vague, and I think she's very affected by trauma from her family of origin.

She has a whole chapter attacking the wellness industry, and this was maybe the closest she came to getting me on her side. I do find a lot of things in that industry problematic (like "clean" eating). But I still think that life is hard and that self-care is worthwhile, even if people get off track in their attempts. Daniels doesn't seem to believe in self-care for white people, perhaps because she says that "self-care became a totalizing experience for my partner and changed her into someone I no longer recognized." It sounds like she had a hard breakup and has blamed it on self-care.

Throughout the book, Daniels was so critical of almost anything a white woman might try to do that I really looked forward to getting to the promised section where she would tell us "how we can help dismantle" white supremacy (as promised on the front cover). But the majority of her suggestions were vague or unreasonable. She suggests that white women routinely say to each other, "I don't want to be white with you today," as a way to refuse an invitation to engage in exclusionary practices. But I'm not even sure what exclusionary practices she was talking about. (She did mention many times the problem that "white women actively participate in creating all-white families." Is that an exclusionary practice? My daughter is white because of... genetics. I did actively participate in creating her, and I married her white father. Is this racist somehow? But my sister adopted a child from Ethiopia, and this is criticized as well, because she is trying to be a "white savior.") Another of Daniels' suggestions is to quit my job because it's white-dominated. I live in a predominantly white area of Oregon. I'm really not sure what job I would be qualified for that wouldn't be white-dominated. I think I'd have to move to a completely different state or become fluent in a foreign language to avoid being in a white-dominated job. (Although the president of the community college where I work is Black, so maybe I get to keep my job? Maybe I don't understand what Daniels means by "white-dominated," and she doesn't explain.)

I don't give one-star reviews often, but I really can't think of anything about this book that I liked. I wanted more specific, factual information. Daniels' writing was very emotional, vague, and even misleading, and seemed to be based on her own traumatic experiences. The only people who might like this book are people who already agree with her.

[Tina Rieman · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was an excellent book.

[Serena · Rating 5 out of 5]

This provided some valuable perspective on passing through the world as a white women and the ways this has impacted my perspective or demeanor. The book was full of research and examples and provided a ton more leads for me to follow. Even the notes section was interesting and had commentary (worth reading!) I hadn’t known about the transracial argument controversy- which was wild to me. I also hadn’t known about the white motherhood or considered much the inheritance of wealth- not just money- that was intense! I appreciate the author speaking about the “Cherokee Princess” issue within white communities because it’s such a problem to Indigenous peoples and doesn’t get a ton of space when discussing race equity I’ve noticed. All in all this book was captivating and helpful! It was a call for reflection and action.

[Lucy · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Accustomed to the language of gender and resigned to seeing ourselves as victims of oppression, white women can recognise the way gender shapes our lives. Yet, because whiteness remains unconscious for so many of us and because we, as nice white ladies, resist seeing ourselves as perpetrators of oppression, we do not easily see the way it shapes our lives" p.220

A very interesting book that I read for my thesis!

[Elizabeth Hunter · Rating 3 out of 5]

How you feel about this book will depend a lot on your own personal history and "positionality" and also where you are on your journey when you find it.

Daniels does a good job of exploring the many ways that white women have played a key role in white supremacy and the ways that our modern trends and lifestyles continue to create harm for BIPOC/LGBT+ folk. Like many white women, some parts of it triggered anger as I read and it was good to sit with that feeling and explore my own reactions to her points.

At times, I felt that she generalized too much from her own history and emotional reactions to it. And at other times I found her depiction of modern white womanhood unrecognizable: although I realize that popular trends mean that a lot of people are subscribing to them, not everyone watches Law & Order after hot yoga class while scrolling Goop and the latest Kardashian gossip.

The relatively brief conclusion was the most valuable part of the book for me, with concrete challenges and goals for white women to reassess what values they are living and take action to work toward justice. I wish this could have made up half the book, going into more detail and stories of how we can do better.

Overall, none of what's here should be news at this point, but we all start where we are and maybe this is the next book you need to read.

[Trisha · Rating 3 out of 5]

I knew little of this author, going into this one, but I googled her (as you do) and I'm was interested to see her POV.

Look, I think we can always improve. It's always good to see another POV, be reminded of the ways that we have automatic privilege and how we should wield that. This most recent election is a really good example.

But I think there were a lot of parts in this book where the author inserted her opinion and information too much. I think it made it intentionally incendiary. I really enjoyed the straight fact parts that really got me thinking, wondering how I can improve. There were so many good parts with history, names and facts that I either didn't know happened at the time or had completely. I wish the story had had more of that and less personal stories and opinion.

A huge thank you to the author and publisher for providing an e-ARC via Netgalley. This does not affect my opinion regarding the book.

[Julie Gomez · Rating 1 out of 5]

I highly discourage anyone, white or otherwise, from reading this book. It caused me to go into an extreme state of stress which led to severe anxiety and depression and feelings of self-hatred. All I can say is that the author must unconsciously (and deeply) hate herself and is coping with this by blaming all white women for every problem in society, especially straight women who happen to have children.

This book only serves to perpetuate any existing division between races and absolutely had no positive contribution or solution. Nine of the 12 women in my book club at the college I work for expressed that the book is emotionally abusive and batters white women into shaming themselves and to question why they even exist.

Truly, I feel sad for the author, and I hope she is able to one day break through her lens of self-hatred and move toward love and compassion, first toward herself, then toward her family, then toward all white women and all people.

[Trang · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lots of "WTF" and "Yikes" notes/highlights from me as Jessie Daniels pointed out the ridiculous Karens throughout history. Essentially this was a good resource/survey of research that has been done in the anti racism / feminist / intersectionality space. Some of the chapters (esp. bits of 4 and 5) were a bit disorganized, in the sense that the points don't really "flow" with the rest of the book but overall it was an informative read. Sadly, I suspect that the pearl-clutching people that need to read this the most won't.

[Lauren Cristella · Rating 2 out of 5]

This would have benefited from a lot less focus on the retelling of notorious (re: covered extensively in the media, publicized, already received a ton of attention) stories, and waaaay more time dedicated to the last tenth of the book - what we can do to be anti-racist as white women.

[Bri · Rating 1 out of 5]

Thank god for freebies or this would be a return. RTC

[Mary · Rating 3 out of 5]

Daniels convincingly explains how white women in the US are trained as children to uphold the white patriarchy for their own gains and to the detriment of Black and Brown people, especially Black women. At the same time, ww Trump voters uphold the white patriarchy contrary to their overall benefit. Just longing backward to a time when ww were “protected” by white men who were unquestioned and in charge. Among many MAGA wrongs, banning abortion is certainly not in ww’s interest.

White women need to wake up, turn attention outward listen and stay in the background. As Daniels suggests, watch Toni Morrison with Charlie Rose on his eponymous show.

I would also suggest watching District Attorney Sandra Doorley (not) get pulled over for speeding. She calls on a presumably white male for help. Also, imagine this scenario if she were a Black male.

At a BLM protest years ago on the Golden Gate Bridge, I witnessed a ww place herself between the protestors and the cops thereby centering herself in that moment and increasing the drama.

Karens
“The sadism that summons death by dialing 911, the callous disregard for suffering and the and the bounty of white wealth. Slavery remains with us in the here and now.”
Emmitt Till Carolyn Bryant

Wellness industry
Confers moral authority on white women (eat this, not that; use this product, not that….)
Relies on the ww need to focus inward so as not to see what really needs fixing for the benefit of others. It occupies ww’s time and pocketbook for the self only. Ignores the actual things people need to be healthy (universal, quality health care and education, access to healthy food and water, etc)

Cultural Appropriation
Can’t stand being white? Definitely a need for attention. Rachel Dolezal (ww who passed as Black) was recently fired from her teaching job under a new name for being on OnlyFans.
New Age Practices and Yoga extract native and Hindu traditions from their roots.
I also think that American Black Culture is appropriated by white people (racist or not) because it’s so good.

White feminism
“In a way, the women’s movement was a response by privileged, well-educated white housewives dissatisfied with living in suburban homes and doing housework the post-World War II advertisements told them made up the American dream.” Ww feminism seems performative at times in short-lived bursts.

The Internet
has both spread white nationalism and called out the Karens and the police abusing and murdering Black victims.

White mediocrity
MAGA is the ultimate example of it. There are so many more.

[Theresa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hey fellow Nice White Ladies -- give this a read. Then adjust your niceness levels that you perform for The Patriarchy to zero.

The evils of White Supremacy rely on our complicity, our literal willingness to play nice while black and brown bodies are hurt, warehoused, and killed.

I really appreciated the author's vulnerability, her willingness to share her own story, and her message to the rest of us -- we have a choice. We CAN change the systems of oppression we live in. Real change is possible.

If you don't read this book, there are numerous others on the topic of anti-racism and intersectional feminism. The more we educate ourselves, the more powerful we can become in the face of Patriarchy and White Supremacy's many ills. White Supremacy culture hurts white people, too.

[Joe · Rating 5 out of 5]

The author shows how white women uphold white supremacy by protecting the wealth and privilege of their own families while pulling the ladder up behind them (e.g. voting against diversity and desegregation in schools). She also examines where this wealth and privilege of white women (mainly in the USA) comes from - colonialism and slavery.
She uses examples of "nice white ladies" on all sides of the political spectrum, like rich white mothers who buy access to top universities for their children, "karens" that threaten police violence on BIPOC, white savior moms that adopt children of color, but also white women that describe themselves as feminists yet manage to create disadvantages for BIPOC and speak over them.

[Claire · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not one bit of original content. This book is just a super long literature review of a ton of other publications that have done a far better job of detailing in depth the role of white womanhood in racist policies. The most valuable thing I've gotten out of this book is a nice long list of other books and papers to add to my TBRs.

[Karwan Fatah-Black · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fast paced excavation of a fundamental building block of white supremacy. Engaging personal and theoretical reflection of popular culture, media, society and everyday interaction. Not so sure about that suggestions offered to dismantling it.

[Carol · Rating 3 out of 5]

How white womanhood is weaponized

[Caitlyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book gave a very thorough history of how white women have upheld white supremacy and continue to in present day. It definitely stirred up some discomfort, which I'm learning to lean into.

The last chapter provides concrete steps white women can take to have a more active role in antiracist work. Overall I think the author did pretty well at getting her points across without too much navel-gazing.

[Mean Dyke · Rating 5 out of 5]

Genuinely grateful to have read this book, which helped uncover blindspots and some hidden preciousness I wasn't aware of. This is an important piece of work that nice white ladies should spend time with, take seriously, and give to other nice white ladies like themselves. And on a personal note, I am always excited to read socio-cultural and political works by other lesbians. This did not disappoint. Hats off to Jessie Daniels.

[danah · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is part memoir, part cultural commentary, designed to invite the reader to grapple with the legacy and presence of whiteness, especially in the US context. Daniels weaves together her own experiences (as the grandchild of a Klansman who was taught countless racist messages) and cases of historical and contemporary incidents of “nice white ladies” to show the reinforcing logics of whiteness. She also leverages an array of scholarly thinking to analyze these dynamics, but her analysis is written in a manner that is truly accessible and compelling to any reader. (Scholars can read the notes at the end of the book.) This book is constructively discomforting such that readers (especially those born white) come away seeing clearly how systems of oppression are maintained even by those seeking to do good. Perhaps her most scathing critique is directed at those involved in feminist movements that are white-dominated. But this is not a book designed to make white readers feel guilty but, rather, to invite them on a journey for transformation. I came away from the book wanting to spend time reflecting deeply about my own history and what I can do to help dismantle the caustic systems that Daniels astutely reveals.

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Daniels does a really good job of taking academic theories and making them accessible to a broad audience. Her honesty about her own life and trauma grounds her arguments in very real lived experience and adds a lot of resonance. For me her thesis was not new but I kept reading quotes to my husband because she does such a good job of presenting facts and examples that really cut to the heart of an issue. I also found her explanation that many people experience "whiteness as emptiness" to be very cogent and it helped me clarify my own relationship to whiteness as a white Jew.

As with many of these books about becoming anti racist, the "what to do about it" section is the weakest because it is so hard and complex. I think a lot of readers might want, as I did, more concrete suggestions, but that's the whole problem. As Daniels points out, for white women like us becoming antiracist is a lifelong process.

As

[Karen Ng · Rating 5 out of 5]

Do you know that affirmative actions benefitted white women the most, as opposed to what people believe, yet white women are mostly uninterested in social justice for other womenof color? Do you know that lots of laws were oringinally made by white men to protect white women? Do you know that American white women had the right to own slaves before they could own property? Do you know why being a nice white woman encourages white supremacy? You don't? This book is a good place to start. The author is a sociology professor who grew up in the South(Texas) in a family of nice white ladies. I truly enjoyed learning all the facts about "white" women, the history of what is being white, why white women collectively have gained so much lethal power, as well as her humor, insights and suggestions of change.

[Jeni · Rating 5 out of 5]

Daniels deep dive on how white women have weaponized white supremacy throughout history was a great compliment to anti-racist reading. She explores the role of white womanhood throughout the history of the United States in various facets (the family structure, education system, etc). She does utilize her final chapter to point white woman towards ways we can explore how we are living our lives and how we may be benefiting from a structure of white supremacy, and suggestions on how we can actively fight against these systems, and to highlight women who throughout history who have avoided being "nice white ladies".

[Jenni Morgan · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book was not helpful. I have been very intentional over the last few years to educate myself on race in America by reading a variety of books. Nice White Ladies was not what I thought it was going to be. Daniels leans toward extreme examples to make her points. I do not relate to The Beverly Hills Housewives cast, Ivanka Trump, or the college admission scandal moms. The few examples that a middle class white lady could relate to were high profile news stories that I have read about from authors that I felt did a better job explaining the problem. She also attributed many problems to “whiteness” when in actuality it seemed to be a result of capitalism, politics, or trauma.