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Humble: Free Yourself from the Traps of a Narcissistic World
A practical and philosophical deep dive into how it can build confidence, foster honesty about our strengths and limitations, and help us achieve success Daryl Van Tongeren is a leading researcher on the science of humility. In Humble , he gives this unassuming trait a much-needed rebrand, explaining why the humble enjoy a more secure sense of self, handle challenges better, and, indeed, are often the people we like the most.
That’s not to say Van Tongeren has mastered humility. (When he asked his wife to rate him on a scale from 1 to 10, she gave him a 4.) But in a world where narcissism is on the rise—where the shameless dominate social media and getting noticed is considered key to getting ahead—it’s not surprising that we all have a bit of work to do on our sometimes self-sabotaging egos.
In its true sense, humbleness is the happy medium between self-denial and It grants the holder an accurate view of reality. By seeing where we have room to improve, we can grow. By admitting our doubts, we can learn. And by acknowledging our own worldview as one among many, we can truly connect with others despite our differences.
A thought-provoking call to reexamine our values, Humble signals a paradigm shift—from the “self-esteem movement” run amok to a better world in which we lift up one another.
That’s not to say Van Tongeren has mastered humility. (When he asked his wife to rate him on a scale from 1 to 10, she gave him a 4.) But in a world where narcissism is on the rise—where the shameless dominate social media and getting noticed is considered key to getting ahead—it’s not surprising that we all have a bit of work to do on our sometimes self-sabotaging egos.
In its true sense, humbleness is the happy medium between self-denial and It grants the holder an accurate view of reality. By seeing where we have room to improve, we can grow. By admitting our doubts, we can learn. And by acknowledging our own worldview as one among many, we can truly connect with others despite our differences.
A thought-provoking call to reexamine our values, Humble signals a paradigm shift—from the “self-esteem movement” run amok to a better world in which we lift up one another.
304 pages, Hardcover
Published June 21, 2022
61 people are currently reading
830 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 54 reviews
July 19, 2022
I did not anticipate liking this book as much as I did! Humble was a wonderful mix of anecdotes, research and musings on the philosophy of humility. I often spent time after reading thinking about the content and it’s application to my own life. Would recommend!
January 23, 2023
DNF - I made it to page 125, and then skipped to the conclusion. I didn't feel I was learning anything new, or reading anything I haven't read before.
July 17, 2022
Humility is a virtue we don't typically spend much time discussing, but Van Tongeren makes a compelling case for why we should pay it more attention for a more flourishing life and world. I especially benefitted from the way he broadened my understanding of humility beyond what he calls relational humility to also include intellectual humility, cultural humility, and existential humility. Our present society could certainly benefit from more humility in our ideologies, our politics, our religious beliefs, etc. In addition to making the case for why we need humility, Van Tongeren also offers many helpful tips on how we as individuals and organizations can take practical steps to cultivate humility.
November 5, 2024
DESPERATELY needed to be humbled
Didnt work xo
Didnt work xo
December 16, 2023
Before reading the book, I would suggest to open your mind and being honest and vulnerable with yourself. This book will give a hard slap in the face to arrogant and narcissistic people.
Cultivating humility takes courage, vulnerability, and honesty. Humility does not work instantly, but it grows and gives fruitful lives among ourselves and others around us. It is not being weak or a doormat, but being the "right-sized", a sense of enough-ness, where we acknowledge our own strengths and limitations, viewing other perspectives as valuable as ours, deeply caring for others, and interconnected with wisdom and other virtues.
Cultivating humility takes courage, vulnerability, and honesty. Humility does not work instantly, but it grows and gives fruitful lives among ourselves and others around us. It is not being weak or a doormat, but being the "right-sized", a sense of enough-ness, where we acknowledge our own strengths and limitations, viewing other perspectives as valuable as ours, deeply caring for others, and interconnected with wisdom and other virtues.
June 24, 2022
Though I knew that humility was an important moral value, I don't think I had considered its practical value and its role in so many different facets of life. Though written by an academic, I found the book quite accessible, and it should be relevant to anyone interested in becoming a better human. If there were just one thing I'd suggest to make this book better, it would be to include more stories to exemplify the insightful points that the author makes.
July 22, 2024
This is the first book on humility that I read that is non-faith based and it's been my favorite yet! Loved how the author compared cultivating strong and authentic humility to training for a marathon. He states how humility needs to be comprehensive (permeate all areas of your life), resilient (we gotta try to be humble even when its hard and after many setbacks), and how mastering these two will make it easier for humility to become habitual.
He emphasizes that humility comes from a sense of self-awareness and self worth. He presents the concept of self regulation as well and how this is crucial in our journey to become more humble. 100% recommend!
He emphasizes that humility comes from a sense of self-awareness and self worth. He presents the concept of self regulation as well and how this is crucial in our journey to become more humble. 100% recommend!
February 1, 2024
I was expecting something different and perhaps some fresh insights but same as usual. This is great for someone who hasn't familiarized himself yet with cultivating self-awareness and seeking/receiving feedback.
January 28, 2023
In a world filled with vanity and self-indulgence, this is an important book to read. To gain perspective, empathy and humility
December 31, 2022
In modern day culture, never has the level of narcissism, materialism and blissful ignorance been so prevalent in the history of humanity than it is today.
The relentless pursuit of money, property and prestige has brought absolutely nothing of any redeeming value for the forthcoming generations of our unborn children. Exacerbated by addictions of social media which cascade into excesses of dopaminergic activity from the constant flood of useless, inflammatory nonsense into the daily life of so many people. Paired with a generation which has a complete inability to discern with any good common sense and moral guidance the true from the false, and you are left with what we are experiencing today. All of which is compounded by the championing of vein, hedonistic and vapid pleasures above all else.
Never has there been more ostracised, disenfranchised and lonely men and women who have blamed everyone and everything for their problems instead of taking any responsibility or accountability for the suffering of their own creation. We are headed for a breaking point in the interpersonal dynamics within the relationship between men, women and the very nature which gave birth to us - mother earth.
At a time critical, everyone is in need of the very basic core fundamental solution to the problems that plague our cultures around the word. That very solution is the one common thread, the one powerful cement which binds all good deeds of human truth in love and service to one another - that one solution is adopting a mindset of the ancient character attribute and virtue of;
humility.
The relentless pursuit of money, property and prestige has brought absolutely nothing of any redeeming value for the forthcoming generations of our unborn children. Exacerbated by addictions of social media which cascade into excesses of dopaminergic activity from the constant flood of useless, inflammatory nonsense into the daily life of so many people. Paired with a generation which has a complete inability to discern with any good common sense and moral guidance the true from the false, and you are left with what we are experiencing today. All of which is compounded by the championing of vein, hedonistic and vapid pleasures above all else.
Never has there been more ostracised, disenfranchised and lonely men and women who have blamed everyone and everything for their problems instead of taking any responsibility or accountability for the suffering of their own creation. We are headed for a breaking point in the interpersonal dynamics within the relationship between men, women and the very nature which gave birth to us - mother earth.
At a time critical, everyone is in need of the very basic core fundamental solution to the problems that plague our cultures around the word. That very solution is the one common thread, the one powerful cement which binds all good deeds of human truth in love and service to one another - that one solution is adopting a mindset of the ancient character attribute and virtue of;
humility.
May 27, 2023
Providing a well-rounded definition of humility and the powerful benefits the virtue provides, this book then delves into practical methods on how to instill it.
I recommend it wholeheartedly.
The author acknowledges:
“We are now at a place where modern science has confirmed ancient wisdom: Humility is powerfully transformative.”
There are more books about humility in the 21st Century as a main topic than there are in in all the centuries before!
Think about that. That’s crazy!
Throughout history humility was always known as an important virtue but usually treated as a talking point serving some other, larger topic. Ancient quotes by great thinkers about humility ring wonderfully true, but they often presented it as just common sense - a common sense that seemed to get lost as time went on.
Van Tongeren frames its meaning:
“Over time its meaning has shifted to also include self-respect or collective self-worth. The former view of pride is poisonous and more akin to narcissistic arrogance; the latter view is rather healthy. Yet the opposite of humility is not pride; in fact, humility requires a healthy sense of self that springs from security. Rather, humility's foe is arrogance or conceit; a superior view of oneself in which others are viewed as inferior and entitlement reigns supreme.”
He distills it as “knowing yourself, checking yourself, and going beyond yourself.”
This pleasantly matches my own realizations about humility as a perpetual journey of growth toward human maturity by knowing thyself, living in the present, and loving thy neighbor.
“Living in the present” is more than just realizing Heaven is the journey, it is taking the responsibility to apply that enlightenment daily as a mature being. To level-up, to grow.
In this respect humility becomes a practical middle path, a balance.
As the author states:
“…true, authentic humility can be liberating. It is transformative and revolutionary and it's worth cultivating in our own life.”
and
“We've reviewed the evidence that humility improves our personal well being, relationships, jobs, and larger societies. It takes considerable strength and security to accept feedback, reduce defensiveness, cultivate empathy, and continue to invest in the hers hard work of personal change to become humbler.”
Thus,
“…think of humility as being the right size.Humble people match their self-concepts and actions more accurately to reality. They know their strengths and weaknesses and don't need to brag nor shrink in the presence of others. To have this "right size" comes from security in knowing that your value doesn't come from fleeting external standards or elusive approval or adoration. It comes from enoughness. The confidence of knowing that you are a person of inherent worth and value frees you up from the relentless and futile pursuit of external validation that drives so much arrogant and narcissistic behavior. Humility is not an indication of weakness but rather a marker of strength.”
He defines important types of humility:
Relational “Being other-oriented and checking one's ego, Intellectual, Cultural, Existential.”
Intellectual “Being open to new insights and seeking learning.”
Cultural “Learning from others and not viewing one's own culture as superior.”
Existential “Feeling grateful to something larger than oneself.”
Von Tongeren discusses each type and how to cultivate them. And this is probably the most useful part of the book if you have already recognized humility’s power and function.
Applying humility in a practical sense is the obvious next step after understanding it as THE WAY.
I recommend it wholeheartedly.
The author acknowledges:
“We are now at a place where modern science has confirmed ancient wisdom: Humility is powerfully transformative.”
There are more books about humility in the 21st Century as a main topic than there are in in all the centuries before!
Think about that. That’s crazy!
Throughout history humility was always known as an important virtue but usually treated as a talking point serving some other, larger topic. Ancient quotes by great thinkers about humility ring wonderfully true, but they often presented it as just common sense - a common sense that seemed to get lost as time went on.
Van Tongeren frames its meaning:
“Over time its meaning has shifted to also include self-respect or collective self-worth. The former view of pride is poisonous and more akin to narcissistic arrogance; the latter view is rather healthy. Yet the opposite of humility is not pride; in fact, humility requires a healthy sense of self that springs from security. Rather, humility's foe is arrogance or conceit; a superior view of oneself in which others are viewed as inferior and entitlement reigns supreme.”
He distills it as “knowing yourself, checking yourself, and going beyond yourself.”
This pleasantly matches my own realizations about humility as a perpetual journey of growth toward human maturity by knowing thyself, living in the present, and loving thy neighbor.
“Living in the present” is more than just realizing Heaven is the journey, it is taking the responsibility to apply that enlightenment daily as a mature being. To level-up, to grow.
In this respect humility becomes a practical middle path, a balance.
As the author states:
“…true, authentic humility can be liberating. It is transformative and revolutionary and it's worth cultivating in our own life.”
and
“We've reviewed the evidence that humility improves our personal well being, relationships, jobs, and larger societies. It takes considerable strength and security to accept feedback, reduce defensiveness, cultivate empathy, and continue to invest in the hers hard work of personal change to become humbler.”
Thus,
“…think of humility as being the right size.Humble people match their self-concepts and actions more accurately to reality. They know their strengths and weaknesses and don't need to brag nor shrink in the presence of others. To have this "right size" comes from security in knowing that your value doesn't come from fleeting external standards or elusive approval or adoration. It comes from enoughness. The confidence of knowing that you are a person of inherent worth and value frees you up from the relentless and futile pursuit of external validation that drives so much arrogant and narcissistic behavior. Humility is not an indication of weakness but rather a marker of strength.”
He defines important types of humility:
Relational “Being other-oriented and checking one's ego, Intellectual, Cultural, Existential.”
Intellectual “Being open to new insights and seeking learning.”
Cultural “Learning from others and not viewing one's own culture as superior.”
Existential “Feeling grateful to something larger than oneself.”
Von Tongeren discusses each type and how to cultivate them. And this is probably the most useful part of the book if you have already recognized humility’s power and function.
Applying humility in a practical sense is the obvious next step after understanding it as THE WAY.
January 17, 2023
Book of the Day – Humble
Today’s Book of the Day is HUMBLE – FREE YOURSELF FROM THE TRAPS OF A NARCISSISTIC WORLD, written by Daryl Van Tongeren in 2022 and published by The Experiment.
Daryl Van Tongeren is an associate professor of psychology at Hope College. He is the author of more than 160 scholarly articles, the coauthor of The Courage to Suffer (Templeton Press, 2020), and actually is the associate editor for the Journal of Positive Psychology.
I have chosen this book as I often deal with people stuck into an apparently endless loop of hyper self-assertiveness and presumptions. This kind of behavior has many negative outcomes on team building and positive relationships both in personal and professional life.
So, the reason why I wanted to find a book specifically dedicated to humility was to learn about the best strategies to incorporate this concept into one’s self-improvement and growth journey.
And in his book, Daryl Van Tongeren shows the readers that humility has many benefits and brings several advantages, as it can help us wholeheartedly accept who we really are, build more authentic and deeper relationships, and also set us free to achieve more positive results in our lives.
One of the key assumptions of the book is to explain that humility is not modesty, Furthermore, humility is a key aspect of self-confidence, positivity, and emotional intelligence.
The book is filled with anecdotes that help the reader build a toolset of practical, concrete tips on how to become aware of humility, how to foster it, and how to use it. All this while becoming more prone to receive feedback from others and less hostile when it comes to negative outcomes.
So, humility is a key asset to help us build confidence, start believing and trusting our true strengths while accepting our limitations, and grow a mindset that will let us grow toward our goals and achievements.
One extremely interesting outcome of being humble is also that our relationships will improve and this can have a positive ripple effect on the environment around us, by growing awareness of our behavior in a society where we have to live with other people, respecting them.
As we live in a world where narcissism is growing at a concerning rate and where a false idea of assertiveness seems to be winning in companies and social media, where getting noticed is considered the key aspect to “being someone”, working on humility is something we all should do.
I would say that this book promotes, finally, the idea that we, as a society, should try to help one another, to grow all together. And all this while recognizing that we have limits, doubts, and fears. Also, by admitting that we all have to learn, every day of our life and that having connections with others based on mutual understanding and respect is the only way to foster progress for everyone.
So, I would recommend this book to everyone, today, so as to remember that we all different in being all equal.
Today’s Book of the Day is HUMBLE – FREE YOURSELF FROM THE TRAPS OF A NARCISSISTIC WORLD, written by Daryl Van Tongeren in 2022 and published by The Experiment.
Daryl Van Tongeren is an associate professor of psychology at Hope College. He is the author of more than 160 scholarly articles, the coauthor of The Courage to Suffer (Templeton Press, 2020), and actually is the associate editor for the Journal of Positive Psychology.
I have chosen this book as I often deal with people stuck into an apparently endless loop of hyper self-assertiveness and presumptions. This kind of behavior has many negative outcomes on team building and positive relationships both in personal and professional life.
So, the reason why I wanted to find a book specifically dedicated to humility was to learn about the best strategies to incorporate this concept into one’s self-improvement and growth journey.
And in his book, Daryl Van Tongeren shows the readers that humility has many benefits and brings several advantages, as it can help us wholeheartedly accept who we really are, build more authentic and deeper relationships, and also set us free to achieve more positive results in our lives.
One of the key assumptions of the book is to explain that humility is not modesty, Furthermore, humility is a key aspect of self-confidence, positivity, and emotional intelligence.
The book is filled with anecdotes that help the reader build a toolset of practical, concrete tips on how to become aware of humility, how to foster it, and how to use it. All this while becoming more prone to receive feedback from others and less hostile when it comes to negative outcomes.
So, humility is a key asset to help us build confidence, start believing and trusting our true strengths while accepting our limitations, and grow a mindset that will let us grow toward our goals and achievements.
One extremely interesting outcome of being humble is also that our relationships will improve and this can have a positive ripple effect on the environment around us, by growing awareness of our behavior in a society where we have to live with other people, respecting them.
As we live in a world where narcissism is growing at a concerning rate and where a false idea of assertiveness seems to be winning in companies and social media, where getting noticed is considered the key aspect to “being someone”, working on humility is something we all should do.
I would say that this book promotes, finally, the idea that we, as a society, should try to help one another, to grow all together. And all this while recognizing that we have limits, doubts, and fears. Also, by admitting that we all have to learn, every day of our life and that having connections with others based on mutual understanding and respect is the only way to foster progress for everyone.
So, I would recommend this book to everyone, today, so as to remember that we all different in being all equal.
Read
August 24, 2024There is a song with the title “It’s Hard To Be Humble.” But in the book HUMBLE FREE YOURSELF FROM THE TRAPS OF THE NARCISSISTIC WORLD,” it seems there is a true difference between being humble and showing humility.
Daryl Von Tongeren is an associate professor of psychology, who looks deep into the human psyche in terms of those who can show humility, and not really use it as a crutch but rather being able to use it to make them a better person to others and to themselves. He says in the book, “Humility helps us become self-aware and accept who we are and the world as it is….When we see can see ourselves as we are, and the world as it is, we can make wise and informed decisions.”
The book often reads as a self-help book, but you can call it a book that gives the reader a wake-up call to their potential in the world through their own actions. He gives the basics to create humility, and backs it up with common-sense advice that if heeded, certainly will offer more peace of mind. It is not something unattainable, rather something that if people took the time to look beyond their own petty insecurities and biases, they could create a more rounded and humble person, who certainly can do more good for the world than bad.
He later says in the book, “Humility helps us take better stock of our own abilities so we’re less likely to be overly confident. It’s not that humble people lack confidence; rather it’s that they have a more accurate sense of their ability, so they are less likely to plan poorly.” He also mentions the importance of humility in relationships. If people are able to show and share their true self, it can lead to a greater authenticity in that relationship. And it can also lead to bringing about new relationships, which will allow them to thrive and also to help heal relationships if someone says something inappropriate in a moment of anger or weakness.
Being humble and offering humility can be a vital aspect of work, school, and anywhere there are interactions. One key aspect of the book is, it is not preachy, it uses great insight and wisdom as the author takes us through many scenarios where humility can be one’s salvation, taking your life and dealings with others to new and more equal levels.
Daryl Von Tongeren is an associate professor of psychology, who looks deep into the human psyche in terms of those who can show humility, and not really use it as a crutch but rather being able to use it to make them a better person to others and to themselves. He says in the book, “Humility helps us become self-aware and accept who we are and the world as it is….When we see can see ourselves as we are, and the world as it is, we can make wise and informed decisions.”
The book often reads as a self-help book, but you can call it a book that gives the reader a wake-up call to their potential in the world through their own actions. He gives the basics to create humility, and backs it up with common-sense advice that if heeded, certainly will offer more peace of mind. It is not something unattainable, rather something that if people took the time to look beyond their own petty insecurities and biases, they could create a more rounded and humble person, who certainly can do more good for the world than bad.
He later says in the book, “Humility helps us take better stock of our own abilities so we’re less likely to be overly confident. It’s not that humble people lack confidence; rather it’s that they have a more accurate sense of their ability, so they are less likely to plan poorly.” He also mentions the importance of humility in relationships. If people are able to show and share their true self, it can lead to a greater authenticity in that relationship. And it can also lead to bringing about new relationships, which will allow them to thrive and also to help heal relationships if someone says something inappropriate in a moment of anger or weakness.
Being humble and offering humility can be a vital aspect of work, school, and anywhere there are interactions. One key aspect of the book is, it is not preachy, it uses great insight and wisdom as the author takes us through many scenarios where humility can be one’s salvation, taking your life and dealings with others to new and more equal levels.
September 8, 2023
As someone who is a survivor of childhood trauma at the hands of a narcissist abu-ser married to a covert narcissist/enabler I obviously have had skewed, negative views towards humility in the past, as do many. I prefer the author’s description of humility; it’s not humiliation nor is it oppression. I feel “humility” gets a bad rap for being equivalent to suffering, meek, submissive, smothered etc. It’s not.
These days it’s so easy to block, unfollow, unsubscribe etc to any viewpoint or diversity you find offensive. Instead of learning to get along with each other, we filter out friends and influences to a tiny wedge of what we “like” or feel most comfortable around. Hence the world becomes a very fractured, jaded, stunted place.
I applaud Van Tongeren’s refusal to accept that this recent societal behavior as normal or acceptable. More people need to call this out! However, I don't know if his language was as passionate as the issue warrants. I found some of his platitudes and data a bit boring and hollow. Perhaps narcissistic tendencies have been an issue since the dawn of time and will be in the future, but that doesn’t mean they can’t be addressed. While I also think it’s a great idea to “prove yourself wrong” now and again, I don’t think having core beliefs is a bad thing. If you’re open to anything, you’re like a lost ship at sea with no anchor for the storms.
Chapters 4-7 were my favorite; especially Chapter 6 Building Empathy. Empathy is a hard thing to emulate especially when you’re carrying around traumatic wounds, like it or not. They tend to make you either bitter, shut down or both. I am working on becoming a more empathic person again and feel more like “myself” day by day. This book has certainly helped.
Overall, Humble is a very good read and much needed in our modern-day world of “pride, pride, pride”. Which truly does come before a fall, in my experience. I would recommend this book for anyone interested in humility or for those who are narcissistic trauma survivors trying to find their footing again.
These days it’s so easy to block, unfollow, unsubscribe etc to any viewpoint or diversity you find offensive. Instead of learning to get along with each other, we filter out friends and influences to a tiny wedge of what we “like” or feel most comfortable around. Hence the world becomes a very fractured, jaded, stunted place.
I applaud Van Tongeren’s refusal to accept that this recent societal behavior as normal or acceptable. More people need to call this out! However, I don't know if his language was as passionate as the issue warrants. I found some of his platitudes and data a bit boring and hollow. Perhaps narcissistic tendencies have been an issue since the dawn of time and will be in the future, but that doesn’t mean they can’t be addressed. While I also think it’s a great idea to “prove yourself wrong” now and again, I don’t think having core beliefs is a bad thing. If you’re open to anything, you’re like a lost ship at sea with no anchor for the storms.
Chapters 4-7 were my favorite; especially Chapter 6 Building Empathy. Empathy is a hard thing to emulate especially when you’re carrying around traumatic wounds, like it or not. They tend to make you either bitter, shut down or both. I am working on becoming a more empathic person again and feel more like “myself” day by day. This book has certainly helped.
Overall, Humble is a very good read and much needed in our modern-day world of “pride, pride, pride”. Which truly does come before a fall, in my experience. I would recommend this book for anyone interested in humility or for those who are narcissistic trauma survivors trying to find their footing again.
October 29, 2022
How humble are you? Would you be able to answer it?? I don’t think I can
You would think that this question has been explored in psychological researches but actually, the thought of measuring humility is a logistical nightmare to the researchers. It’s absurd to ask people how humble they are.
Daryl revealed his interest in humility when he was in grad school, being one of the psychology research groups that sought to identify factors contributing to human flourishing. Therefore, this book approaches humbleness in an academic way. I’m personally glad of this method because I’m not into self-help books where I can just Google an article about it, yknow.
(IG: sugarspicewhatevernice). Snippets shown are the first page, types of humility & book contents. You’ll see that the materials are organised chronologically, telling readers what are the benefits of being humble before jumping into ‘the how to’. In fact, there wasn’t many ‘how to’ in here. There are practical advices but not in the cringiest way possible. So me likey 🙃
Apart from that, Daryl shared researches that’s relevant to the study including his own story & experiences. I love reading about his humble-insecurity & his wife, sounds like a great person she is. Though I wish there are more anecdotes & real life applications.
My take on this book:
Humility is knowing yourself, checking yourself and going beyond yourself. We might be unaware of it but humility boosts health, gives you power & foster relationships. To cultivate humility, we need to open our eyes, realise that God & universe is bigger than our short-lived existence, so why so egoistic?
Thank you Ms @putrifariza & @times.reads for the book!
You would think that this question has been explored in psychological researches but actually, the thought of measuring humility is a logistical nightmare to the researchers. It’s absurd to ask people how humble they are.
Daryl revealed his interest in humility when he was in grad school, being one of the psychology research groups that sought to identify factors contributing to human flourishing. Therefore, this book approaches humbleness in an academic way. I’m personally glad of this method because I’m not into self-help books where I can just Google an article about it, yknow.
(IG: sugarspicewhatevernice). Snippets shown are the first page, types of humility & book contents. You’ll see that the materials are organised chronologically, telling readers what are the benefits of being humble before jumping into ‘the how to’. In fact, there wasn’t many ‘how to’ in here. There are practical advices but not in the cringiest way possible. So me likey 🙃
Apart from that, Daryl shared researches that’s relevant to the study including his own story & experiences. I love reading about his humble-insecurity & his wife, sounds like a great person she is. Though I wish there are more anecdotes & real life applications.
My take on this book:
Humility is knowing yourself, checking yourself and going beyond yourself. We might be unaware of it but humility boosts health, gives you power & foster relationships. To cultivate humility, we need to open our eyes, realise that God & universe is bigger than our short-lived existence, so why so egoistic?
Thank you Ms @putrifariza & @times.reads for the book!
December 6, 2022
Maybe getting the message right is 60% of the battle. Hence my score. Dr. Tongeren's book on Humble illuminates the defintional and attitudinal ideas regarding humility. A sense of rightness and appropriateness to ourselves. Either inflated by pride or chagrinned from defeat. We have the opportuntiy to explore a 21st century world full of diverse tribes and cultures. Our entry and success may largely depend on our ability to maintain awareness of ourselves and others. With empathy, with honety, and without fragile ego.
This may be own wounded pride, but I was really hoping "Humble" would be braver in the current context. There is an easy platitudes about open-mindness, and not being too dogmatic, but this isn't the culture many of us are contending with. Many of us are entnagled with misunderstandings, political division, racial division, declining organized faith and splintered families. And that's all before the online disconnectivity of bullying, shame culture, cancel culture and anonymous cruelty of the worst corners.
How do we contend with our desire for elevation of the self, and the wisdom trails of philsophy, faith and history that show the perils of pride. The emperor wears no clothes...but how does he realize it. Ozymandias's empire lies in the sand, and still a new general is born daily. Our culture is satured with cons, cheats, influencers, and hacks. I would have liked to read more about the neuroscience or some data-driven social science. The presentation here is all a bit feelsy. A bit safe. And no amount of humble pie can satisfy that craving.
This may be own wounded pride, but I was really hoping "Humble" would be braver in the current context. There is an easy platitudes about open-mindness, and not being too dogmatic, but this isn't the culture many of us are contending with. Many of us are entnagled with misunderstandings, political division, racial division, declining organized faith and splintered families. And that's all before the online disconnectivity of bullying, shame culture, cancel culture and anonymous cruelty of the worst corners.
How do we contend with our desire for elevation of the self, and the wisdom trails of philsophy, faith and history that show the perils of pride. The emperor wears no clothes...but how does he realize it. Ozymandias's empire lies in the sand, and still a new general is born daily. Our culture is satured with cons, cheats, influencers, and hacks. I would have liked to read more about the neuroscience or some data-driven social science. The presentation here is all a bit feelsy. A bit safe. And no amount of humble pie can satisfy that craving.
January 12, 2023
I thought this book was generally good. I took a lot of food for thought from it, including about how to build my humility and the value in doing so. I took some notes about the ways he talked about how we understand and interact with our emotions and the different kinds of humility. I think there are interesting implications here for politics and communities and I want to spend some time thinking about them. I think it could be helpful for many people, but it does have some limitations.
The negatives: I ended up deciding that the author's own identity and its presence in the book detracted for me. He talked way too much about running (but maybe that's just me) and he seemed to think that self-discipline is more in reach than I think it is. (Having said that, I do plan to take his suggestions to try to build mine!) In the last few chapters, he tried to address how some of his analysis and suggestions might not be true or might not work the same way for people from oppressed groups. I am glad he mentioned that and it's an important point -- but I wanted a lot more of that. It helped me understand why some parts hadn't made as much sense to me (as a queer woman), but beyond mentioning the issue, he didn't really address how someone might make use of his suggestions if they are not from highly privileged groups. Similarly, he made a very passing reference to the fact that his discussion of how we experience our emotions might be different for neurodivergent folks, but not even a full sentence. Is it helpful for neurodivergent folks? Hard to say.
The negatives: I ended up deciding that the author's own identity and its presence in the book detracted for me. He talked way too much about running (but maybe that's just me) and he seemed to think that self-discipline is more in reach than I think it is. (Having said that, I do plan to take his suggestions to try to build mine!) In the last few chapters, he tried to address how some of his analysis and suggestions might not be true or might not work the same way for people from oppressed groups. I am glad he mentioned that and it's an important point -- but I wanted a lot more of that. It helped me understand why some parts hadn't made as much sense to me (as a queer woman), but beyond mentioning the issue, he didn't really address how someone might make use of his suggestions if they are not from highly privileged groups. Similarly, he made a very passing reference to the fact that his discussion of how we experience our emotions might be different for neurodivergent folks, but not even a full sentence. Is it helpful for neurodivergent folks? Hard to say.
September 12, 2024
5* Okay so a book about humility is probably not on the top of everyone's reading list! but this science and research based book offers a super alternative to the narcissism and self-promotion that today's culture encourages. Favorite quote: "The road to humility starts with accurate self-knowledge: seeing ourselves and the world honestly. Humble people know their strengths and weaknesses and don't need to brag nor shrink in the presence of others. Think of humility as 'being the right size.'" Though this book is not religious at all, I many times thought of the Bible verse, a man should not "think of himself more highly than he ought to think." The author dove deep into why relationships do not work when one partner is blind to reality about themselves or unwilling to accept feedback. I also love how it doesn't use the word pride very much. Rather than battling so hard to root out pride, try learning what humility looks like and cultivating that.
I considered rating this 4* because the toughest section poorly attempted to deal with how a humble person can hold convictions or be religious without being biased. But when the discussion turned to humble people helping their communities flourish, we got back on track.
I considered rating this 4* because the toughest section poorly attempted to deal with how a humble person can hold convictions or be religious without being biased. But when the discussion turned to humble people helping their communities flourish, we got back on track.
May 24, 2022
I received an electronic ARC from The Experiment through NetGalley.
Though portions read more like a textbook than self-help guide, Van Tongeren offers excellent points and suggestions to live a more humble life. The book begins with explaining various types of humility - relational, intellectual, cultural, existential, and defines these for readers. The author then explores each and offers tools for readers to examine their lives and reflect on changes they may choose to make. Van Tongeren backs his statements with research support. The final chapters offer practical tips and guidelines for evaluating our own lives and making changes if needed.
This is one to digest and pause as you read. I appreciate the support offered by the author and the acknowledgment that this is not a "quick fix" for lives.
Though portions read more like a textbook than self-help guide, Van Tongeren offers excellent points and suggestions to live a more humble life. The book begins with explaining various types of humility - relational, intellectual, cultural, existential, and defines these for readers. The author then explores each and offers tools for readers to examine their lives and reflect on changes they may choose to make. Van Tongeren backs his statements with research support. The final chapters offer practical tips and guidelines for evaluating our own lives and making changes if needed.
This is one to digest and pause as you read. I appreciate the support offered by the author and the acknowledgment that this is not a "quick fix" for lives.
April 19, 2023
I have decided to get back on Goodreads and start reviewing some of the "boring" (according to my Mom) books I have been reading.
This book is a great exploration of humility, what it is, and what it isn't. I think it relies a little too heavily on dubious social science such as priming experiments, but I think the overall concepts are insightful and useful.
Tongeren defines humility as being "right-sized." It is about having enough self awareness to regulate your ego and orient yourself toward helping others. After explaining this definition, he goes on to explore how humility is useful in different contexts, different ways to develop humility and how humility can benefit your life.
If humility is something that you are interested in studying or it is something you want to develop in yourself, this book is worth the read.
This book is a great exploration of humility, what it is, and what it isn't. I think it relies a little too heavily on dubious social science such as priming experiments, but I think the overall concepts are insightful and useful.
Tongeren defines humility as being "right-sized." It is about having enough self awareness to regulate your ego and orient yourself toward helping others. After explaining this definition, he goes on to explore how humility is useful in different contexts, different ways to develop humility and how humility can benefit your life.
If humility is something that you are interested in studying or it is something you want to develop in yourself, this book is worth the read.
January 13, 2024
*2.5 stars*
This book was not for me. Undoubtedly, it's an interesting topic and one worth exploring, but I found this book just a bit on the tedious side. It may just have been the mood I was in reading it, but I felt like there was a lot of talking around the topic, which led to a lot of repetition. In the end, this was a slog to finish. I feel like I have gained an insight into the study of humility, but this book was as much an endurance test as it was a learning experience.
On the plus side of things, I invented a new drinking game. Read passages at random and take a shot every time the phrases "self aggrandisement" or "we are enough" (I am Kenough?? 😉) are mentioned. You'll be bulletproof in two paragraphs!
Would I recommend this book. Honestly, no. It didn't for anything for me.
This book was not for me. Undoubtedly, it's an interesting topic and one worth exploring, but I found this book just a bit on the tedious side. It may just have been the mood I was in reading it, but I felt like there was a lot of talking around the topic, which led to a lot of repetition. In the end, this was a slog to finish. I feel like I have gained an insight into the study of humility, but this book was as much an endurance test as it was a learning experience.
On the plus side of things, I invented a new drinking game. Read passages at random and take a shot every time the phrases "self aggrandisement" or "we are enough" (I am Kenough?? 😉) are mentioned. You'll be bulletproof in two paragraphs!
Would I recommend this book. Honestly, no. It didn't for anything for me.
May 20, 2023
“We desire a constant, consistent understanding of the world, which makes the process of incorporating new feedback difficult and often ineffective. This resistance is driven in large part because we want to hold on to our particular narrative of the world.
We try to make sense of nearly everything, and we do so more as soldiers defending our way of seeing the world than as archaeologists searching to uncover the truth.”
We try to make sense of nearly everything, and we do so more as soldiers defending our way of seeing the world than as archaeologists searching to uncover the truth.”
January 21, 2024
Humble is one of the most important philosophy in my country, Japan. But I got to know what is true humble meaning where the points I missed! That's humble is to know about yourself as equal as yourself, not overestimate but also underestimate. And repect yourself as you do to other people. If you would like to get certain definition of humble or make sure what it is, I would recommend it for you!!!
July 26, 2024
I am deeply dissappointed in this read particularly because I had high expectations.
The book articulates the practical wisdom in humility however it says nothing about why we are stuck in a narcissistic loop as a society. It lists the benefits of humility but not how to achieve it.
I think the truth is this and similar books will further serve the narcissistic means of self because it provides great instructions on how one can perform humility rather than actually adopting it.
The book articulates the practical wisdom in humility however it says nothing about why we are stuck in a narcissistic loop as a society. It lists the benefits of humility but not how to achieve it.
I think the truth is this and similar books will further serve the narcissistic means of self because it provides great instructions on how one can perform humility rather than actually adopting it.
November 15, 2022
Overall, it's a great and long overdue message. Author Daniel Van Tongeren does a good job reinforcing how imperfect he is at practicing his own humility, but still strives to reach a healthy high level of being humble. It can be a little repetitive at times, but I like what he's trying to do here.
November 20, 2023
Verbose. Repetitive. Superficial.
This book sorely needs an editor. The topic was interesting and novel but the writer went on and on about describing just different kind of humilities and suggesting 'open mindnessness' a thousand different ways as solutions. Surprise, surprise.
Started off positively but hating the book in the end.
This book sorely needs an editor. The topic was interesting and novel but the writer went on and on about describing just different kind of humilities and suggesting 'open mindnessness' a thousand different ways as solutions. Surprise, surprise.
Started off positively but hating the book in the end.
August 11, 2024
A book looking at the virtue of being humble from wider lenses, including cultural humility (ethnocentrism) resonates. The author offers the argument that humility comes from a place of security, the how to reduce defensiveness. The view that humility is about right sizing our self-view (dial up and dial down depending on where we are) is good reminder too.
“A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices” - quote attributed to William James (we are changing our viewpoint, only to defend the new world view and dogmatic about the new POV).
“A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices” - quote attributed to William James (we are changing our viewpoint, only to defend the new world view and dogmatic about the new POV).
January 2, 2025
It’s not like every part of the book is gold, and I really enjoyed some parts and less others, but this does have some points that have a potentially to radically improve your life. I thinks it’s one of those books that’ll be worth a reread once in a while because it does have some really important perspectives and research.
August 5, 2025
You might ask, why did it take her so long to read this. Maybe searching for merit? I give it a meh… Quite a bit of 1(800)OBV-ious. A little too pat and a lot of not clever. Interest mostly waned but as I try always, for the most part, I ploddingly read to the end. Certainly not a race to the finish.
April 26, 2022
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher of this novel for the E-Arc copy. I am rating this book based on my own personal opinion and was not given anything in return. I am not leaving a entire review because I read so many at a time that I physically cannot right now.
#Humble #NetGalley
#Humble #NetGalley
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