Shy: How Being Quiet Can Lead to Success

by Annie Ridout

Society tells that us that being shy is a fault, but Annie Ridout says it’s a gift. How being quiet can lead to success teaches us how to embrace this misjudged attribute, instead of trying to fix it. Most of us have some understanding of shyness. From birthday parties as children to office Christmas parties as adults, from an old friend’s wedding to a group presentation, we’ve all experienced it in some form or other. Shyness may be ever-present or it may come and go. Partly genetic, partly environmental, shyness is largely viewed as a character flaw, something that needs to change, but why is no-one talking about the benefits of being shy? For example, shyness usually equates to being an excellent listener, considerate speaker and thoughtful observer.
 
Interweaving personal experience with expertise from clinical psychologists, Annie explores why shyness affects some more than others, and offers tried-and-tested tools to help the reader deal with elements of shyness that can feel debilitating. Shy recasts our understanding of this often-misunderstood attribute, celebrating it as a pathway rather than a barrier to success and happiness.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help

208 pages, Paperback

Published March 1, 2022

Reviews

[SassyBooks · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting book about shyness and how it differs from social anxiety and introversion. This is more of a, "I combined insights from shy people and experts in the field plus my own experiences" book. It's a short book, which is a plus.

Giving it three stars because I kinda missed the whole "How does it actually lead to success?" This was more a book of "Being shy is okay, here are some of the perks of being shy". Overall informative, a topic I would like more books about and want to read more about, but would've sometimes liked a bit more indepth knowledge than keeping it on the surface.

[Katie Carlyle · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a peer and self-diagnosed “Shy” person, I was really interested to read how I can use that trait to my advantage. I think this book highlights some positive characteristics that I took for granted. Definitely in my career, I’m considered shy, and work alongside colleagues that are very outspoken, confident and full of ideas. This book helped me realise that it’s ok to take a quieter approach because by doing so you learn to observe, to listen and then to present your ideas in a confident and creative way because you’ve listened and taken in the information rather than speaking for the sake of speaking.

I recognised my fear of rejection and fear of being wrong or being judged as my reason for justifying my shyness to myself, and the book discussed methods to help get over that, even in a challenging lockdown situation.

I’d recommend this book more for parents of a shy child or for someone who works with or knows a shy individual to help get a sense of how they can be supported to feel safe to contribute to discussions as I’ve realised how much emphasis is put on my speaking in meetings recently.

Thanks to @netgalley and @4thestatebooks for the ARC

Out May 18th 2021

[Ophelia · Rating 3 out of 5]

Nothing groundbreaking to read here.

[Peter Geyer · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've always been shy, and an introvert as well; I know an introvert who says they're not shy, so they're not the same. thing I've met extraverts who are shy and I think my father may have been like that as well.

Annie Ridout's book is a combination memoir and expose, if you like, of how she and others (mostly females) have experienced shyness. A theme is the categories introversion, extra/oversion and social anxiety, for which she provides definitions, whilst intelligently, in my view, allowing them to overlap, and presenting them all as normal.

Any and all of these labels can be pathologised: you can have too much extraversion depending on what someone thinks it means. Introversion was suggested as a category in what became the DSM-5 at one point, and I remember quite recently a letter in a Melbourne newspaper, where someone identifying as a psychiatrist, more or less spat out the term as a means of heaping opprobrium in a particular direction. Social anxiety can be nuanced or problematic.

Ridout gives a number of examples, from her own life and those o0f interviewees and quotes various professionals throughout, as interpreters and elaborators.

One of the interesting and informative features here is pointing out that shyness can manifest itself (or not) in different ways. As a personal example, I found university tutorials difficult and was very quiet. When full-time (on a 3rd attempt) I decided that I would try to say something once a semester, working up to once a tutorial over time. In later study and professional life I began to interact in groups in a way that would have been foreign years before.

Much of this progress, as Ridout points out, relates to doing something you're interested in, rather than having someone force you to do something relating to public performance: a pushy parent for instance.

In an organisation I worked in a few decades ago, the management decided to send a colleague to a public speaking course, something I discovered that happened to him every few years. He was a technical expert in a particular area and the idea was that, armed with this skill, he could present to others on this knowledge. This was an ill-founded strategy, as when he returned to work, he didn't speak with anyone at all for 3 weeks. For me, it's about talking or presenting about what I've learned, or what I want to impart, and I found this out by accident.

Ridout has similar stories, and recommends things like practising beforehand, which I know others do to great effect, but it's not for me: I can be prepared or unprepared, depending. She also provides some examples based on CBT, or cognitive behavioural therapy, which I'm sure will benefit some, but I wouldn't do any of the strategies, which goes back to the original proposition of finding something that resonates.

She also discusses some of the blame or opprobrium heaped on shy people, or introverted people if it comes to that. A current example might be that of the tennis player Naomi Osaka, who has difficulties with the public and personal nature of media attention, and possibly the inanity that might comprise these events. I can empathise with her, although in the same situation I might make a few cryptic (or not so cryptic) comments. Then again, I'm nearly 3 times her age.

Anyway, I really enjoyed this book. It's well-written, in a breezy open style, and random comments that make you think and provided a relaxing Friday afternoon here under the current Melbourne lockdown.

[Pestraish · Rating 3 out of 5]

I would like to thank 4th Estate and NetGalley for providing me with an ARC in exchange for an honest review.
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“It’s sometimes our actions and determination that matter more than the volume of our voice.”

A part memoir, a part collection of studies on shyness all written in an easily digestible form. The readers learn where shyness can come from and the differences between shyness, introversion, and social anxiety. The book goes on about the merits of shyness in personal and professional life. While the author maintains throughout her book that being shy is okay, she also suggests some tools that could be helpful to those that are not okay with being shy. Annie Rideout also tackles the topic on dealing with shyness in workplace.

I was surprised to learn that some celebrities like Beyonce and Andrew Scott have struggled with shyness. The book also features interviews with other shy people that are more-low profile. With all these anecdotes, the author aims to drive home the point that shyness doesn’t have be the thing that holds you back from success.

The reference index at the end of the books leads to a nice rabbit hole to fall into. I was also happy to see interesting references to the lockdown and the surprising effect it can have on shy people.

Overall, it is one of these books that is not meant to fix you but to remind you that you are not alone in your struggles. Though, I wished it included more stories from people not involved in the creative industry.

[August · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm tried now. I want to read something light. The author said the same thing over and over again with different tone and words. In the end, I'll say my own theories : shy people are over thinker in every single steps they take and they can literally change once the people around them make a safe environment for them to totally be themselves. However, most of the time, shy and introverted individual doesn't be themselves, they hide they real self in public.

[Trina · Rating 2 out of 5]

Ugh. I knew going in that this might be a miss for me, but I was still optimistic and curious. I am an introvert. I can be shy. I have experienced social anxiety and the ability of alcohol to wash it away. Nonetheless, I didn't enjoy this book. I didn't feel the premise was clearly laid out or proven, I didn't feel that the concept of shyness vs. quiet vs. introverted was made clear, and I didn't feel it flowed well. It was a quick read, but I didn't get much out of it. It makes me consider re-reading Quiet by Susan Cain and seeing if 10ish years later I still think of it as transformational.

[Irni Farid · Rating 3 out of 5]

Reading Shy-how being quiet lead to success is lovely as it relates to me personally. Shyness is not a fixed trait. Being shy does not make you boring. You can get what you want (without being loud). Quiet people are more introspective. You can overcome acute social anxiety. We need to teach our children that shyness is ok. Shyness may come and go. These chapter title listed in the content page makes the book attractive to be read.

[Marley Gieseler · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a shy person with social anxiety, I really enjoyed this book! It was nice to relate to so much of what this book talked about and it was interesting to read about the difference between being shy and being introverted (I think I am a shy extrovert?). I would really like to read more about this topic now. Would recommend this to other shy people, parents of shy kids or people just wanting to learn more about how they can be supportive of their shy employees, friends, etc.

[Lucky · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thanks to Netgalley and Fourth Estate for the advance copy of this book.

The book takes a look at shyness through different perspectives and anecdotes, including those of the author, professionals and a few celebrities. I felt elements of the book were very relatable (particularly when Annie references her childhood experiences), and it provides some food for thought.

[🌶 peppersocks 🧦 · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reflections and lessons learned:
“In conclusion, don’t underestimate the strength of a shy person who feels undermined…”

Ooo, what a lovely study of something that does affect us all - there are degrees and scales of course, but a fab study of personality that does t always feel like laughing the loudest at the party. And it does change…!

[Caprice · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. I often find myself finding ways to cancel plans and want to stay indoors and planning what the appropriate response was and now I realise it’s a safety behaviour for being shy. This book has been helpful in allowing me to understand the power in being shy and your authentic self I really appreciated this.

[Ehsan · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very handy and inspiring book that paves the way for the shy people to get through false imaginations about this attribute as a hindrance, whilst it's not absolutely such a thing, on the contrary, it's part of your personality and you ought to accept it as it exists not to push it away nor to banish it.

[Joey · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve never felt more understood! Such an interesting read and one that’s made me think about myself.

[Klaudia Poloncová · Rating 4 out of 5]

There was a whole magnificent soul burning brightly behind her 'shy'".

[Steffi · Rating 2 out of 5]

the book is relatable and good at first but its really boring and slow and repeats the same things other and other i did not finish it.

[Faraeva · Rating 3 out of 5]

In a world where extroverts are being celebrated more, thank God for this book thus the reason I bought it in the first place 💛 3 5 ✨

[Joyce · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good reminders for shy people to see you are not alone and you are great just the way you are.

[hanny · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hehe

[Jasmine]

0 stars. didn’t actually finish because i like myself too much to continue to torture myself… and that’s saying something.

[Annabelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved the reassuring & uplifting essence of this book, and positively promoting ‘shyness’ as an attribute - it has made me understand my own shyness in certain situations a lot better

[Shruti | always_find_her_reading · Rating 4 out of 5]

ⓈⓊⓂⓂⒶⓇⓎ- If you ever look back to your life journey, how far have you came, the achievements, the losses, have you ever felt yourself confined between these walls called as Shyness. If yes, this book is for you.

Shy by Annie Ridout is a memoir where Author from her and others life experiences explained how exactly it felt being shy amongst a whole group of people, the challenges faced by a shy person and how to overcome same.
This book deals with the characteristics once starts to exhibit if he/she is uncomfortable in a public setting and how one can even use that to overcome the anxiety and pressure when it comes to speaking with strangers.

Being Shy is still considered as a taboo amongst few however the Author helps us to understand the benefits it offer and to embrace it rather than trying to fix it. She gave numerous examples of settings where how a Shy person feels vulnerable and how they can follow the practice of being patient and taking minor steps to overcome it.

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ⓇⒺⓋⒾⒺⓌ- Overall a decent read. Would suggest to everyone who feels that somewhere they needs to be more outgoing and also will suggest to children so that they can prepare themselves to be more interactive.

[Mustafa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Nice book and easy to read and follow. It's a mix of small stories supported by some evidence and science but I wouldn't rate it scientific book at all. The book doesn't advice you directly on how to deal with shyness (if you have any) instead it does that by telling real life stories and letting you decide on what you should do in such situations.