The Sweet Spot: Suffering, Pleasure and the Key to a Good Life

by Paul Bloom

World-renowned psychologist Paul Bloom presents a captivating scientific account of why a rich and meaningful life is rarely an easy one - and why we should embrace that fact.

Why do we seek out painful experiences?

Why do some people enjoy being punched? If you want to turn a rival into a friend, why is the best tactic to ask them a favour? Why did instant cake mixes become more popular when you had to add an egg? What's the connection between dark sexual fantasy and our love of fiction? What drives a person to free-climb El Capitan or dedicate their life to solving Fermat's last theorem?

From horror movies and roller-coaster rides to marathon-running, religious abstinence and (most painful of all) parenthood, humans are drawn irresistibly to activities that they know are going to hurt. In The Sweet Spot, psychologist Paul Bloom explains why doing so is the key to a life well lived.

Drawing on studies of the evolutionary value of play and the science of morality, he presents an alternative account of human behaviour in which our desire for meaning is far greater than our desire for happiness, and shows not only that chosen suffering - including pain, fear and sadness - can be a source of pleasure, but that suffering is an essential part of achieving a complete and fulfilling life. Put simply, if the things that mean most to us were easy, what would be the point? As Holocaust survivor Victor Frankl wrote, 'Those who have a "why" to live can bear with almost any "how".'

Endlessly fascinating and counter-intuitive, this is a deeply humane and enlightening enquiry, packed with unexpected insight into the human condition.

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Philosophy, Self Help, Science, Audiobook, Personal Development

304 pages, Paperback

First published November 1, 2021

About the author

Paul Bloom is the Brooks and Suzanne Ragen Professor of Psychology and Cognitive Science at Yale University. His research explores how children and adults understand the physical and social world, with special focus on morality, religion, fiction, and art. He has published more than a hundred scientific articles in journals such as Science and Nature, and his popular writing has appeared in the New York Times, the New Yorker, the Atlantic Monthly, Slate, Natural History, and many other publications. He has won numerous awards for his research and teaching. His newest book--Just Babies: The Origins of Good and Evil--is coming out in November. Paul Bloom lives in New Haven with his wife and two sons.

Reviews

[Ali · Rating 2 out of 5]

Disappointing Read! No insight or fresh perspective, pages filled with anything the writer has ever heard, read, watched or experienced just to prove a vague hypothesis. A worthy addition in a happiness industry's pile of garbage.

[J Earl · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Sweet Spot from Paul Bloom is an enlightening read that draws as many points from the reader's own mind as from any theory. I'll explain momentarily, but what Bloom excels at is explaining his ideas through analogy and anecdotes such that we gain quite a bit of knowledge without realizing it.

I'll start by admitting I like Bloom's work. I am not always in complete agreement but I can count on him to make me think about and reconsider many of my own ideas. In addition to several of his books I also took a couple of his online MOOCs, and his books are a lot like listening to his lectures. Before you think that is a negative, let me explain. His lectures are almost conversational in tone, so the book is also almost conversational in tone.

As humans we have an amazing ability to state unequivocally that we believe two things that are not only incompatible but contradictory. An area where we do this quite a bit is when we discuss the purpose of life or, another way, how we live our lives. Are we pleasure seeking animals, plain and simple? Are we selfish and only think of our own best interests? And so on. Bloom doesn't so much counter all of the ways we think about this as make us think about all of them with more nuance and less certitude.

Like so many things, how we define a term makes a big difference. Pain or suffering defined using a broad spectrum allows for more variation in how we will answer the question about whether suffering (sometimes and certain types) is good and even desirable.

This book entertains while it educates, and many of Bloom's points seem to be drawn from our own experiences. His examples of ways of thinking or acting will resonate with us and from these he illustrates the value, and necessity, of suffering. In particular when it serves to give our lives some meaning.

My convoluted commentary does not do the book justice, but hopefully it shows how Bloom engages his readers to consider old ideas with a bit more nuance.

Reviewed from a copy made available by the publisher via NetGalley.

[Slim · Rating 2 out of 5]

Probably the only book I havent finished in my entire life. Paul Bloom loosely strings together movies, random quotes and personal stories to demonstrate the importance of pain and its effect on happiness. There is no coherent path the book follows and reads a bit like the ramblings of your drunk friend at the bar who says "yo trust me bro happiness is like in the mind, you gotta manifest that shit" and then goes on to tell you about the one time he thought of ice cream and then walked by an ice cream place.

The most superficial pop-psychology book I read that I couldn't force myself through and god knows I tried.

Two stars for mentioning Frankl and Eminem in the same chapter though.

[Maher Razouk · Rating 5 out of 5]

في عام 2007 ، استطلعت شركة غالوب أكثر من 140 ألف مشارك في 132 دولة. كان لديهم السؤال القياسي للرضا عن الحياة - طُلب من الأشخاص الإشارة إلى مكان حياتهم الحالية على سلم يتراوح من 0 (أسوأ حياة ممكنة) إلى 10 (أفضل حياة ممكنة). لكن كان لديهم أيضًا سؤال آخر ذي صلة: "هل تشعر أن لحياتك هدف أو معنى مهم؟"

أسعد البلدان كانت التي نتوقعها عادةً - النرويج وأستراليا وكندا وما إلى ذلك. إنهم أثرياء وآمنون ومسالمون ولديهم دعم اجتماعي جيد. وجد هذا الاستطلاع أن الرضا عن الحياة يرتبط ارتباطًا وثيقًا بنصيب الفرد من الناتج المحلي الإجمالي.

ولكن على النقيض من ذلك ، فإن البلدان التي أبلغ الناس فيها عن حياة ذات مغزى تشمل سيراليون وتوغو والسنغال والإكوادور ولاوس وتشاد وأنغولا وكوبا - التي كان لدى الكثير منها القليل من الثروة أو الأمن أو السلام. في الواقع ، كان للناتج المحلي الإجمالي علاقة سلبية بالمعنى. كلما كانت الدولة فقيرة ، زاد احتمال أن يقول الناس أن حياتهم لها هدف أو معنى مهم.

كيف يمكن أن نفسر هذا؟ سُئل المشاركون في هذا الاستطلاع أيضًا "هل الدين جزء مهم من حياتك اليومية؟" واتضح أن التدين المبلّغ عنه ذاتيًا مرتبط بالمعنى. بما أن الدين يرتبط أيضًا بالفقر ، فقد تحصل بالتالي على علاقة غير مباشرة بين الفقر والمعنى.

أو ربما يكون للفقر نفسه علاقة مباشرة بالمعنى. بمناقشة هذه النتائج ، يقترح آدم ألتر أنه "ربما لأن الفقر يجرّد الناس من السعادة على المدى القصير ، فإنه يجبرهم على تبني وجهة نظر طويلة الأمد - بالتركيز على العلاقات التي تربطهم بأطفالهم وآلهتهم وأصدقائهم ، والتي تصبح أكثر وضوحًا بمرور الوقت."

بعبارة أخرى ، ربما عندما تكون الحياة مريحة ، يكون لديك فرصة أفضل للهروب من النضال. إذا كان النضال مرتبطًا بالمعنى ، فإن هذا من شأنه أن يفسر سبب وجود مواطنين يشعرون بأن حياتهم لا معنى لها ، في البلدان الغنية ، ولا سيما تلك التي تتمتع برفاهية عالية.
.
Paul Bloom
The Sweet Spot
Translated By #Maher_Razouk

[Marta Demianiuk]

DNF po 37%. Straszne pierdololo.

[Diana · Rating 2 out of 5]

I gave up trying to read this book last night after 126 pages. I'm interested in the subject and research, but it feels like I'm reading the random thoughts of some internet yahoo with more opinion than knowledge. He dispenses his opinion liberally, announcing one idea / theory "right" and others "wrong." One of my expectations of legitimate scholars, though, is that they not be that full of themselves.

I had to check to see if he actually had credentials, the sense of his lack of professionalism and expertise became so strong. (He does.) Even after that, I couldn't bear how he writes. He provides far more examples than necessary--I can't tell whether he thinks this improves his case or fills more pages to stretch a smaller set of observations into a book--rambles incessantly, flippantly dismisses other theories, and makes time for the kind of predictable "jokes" someone would make in your average social media discussion.

Maybe it's just me--and that's entirely possible--but when I read a book to learn about the pleasures of suffering, I am not interested in rambles (that go on for pages) exploring modern internet user's attraction to incest (for example). BDSM and such, sure. That's on topic. But incest?

This is like the "work" of an undergrad who tries to include every interesting thing his research turned up, even if it isn't relevant to the argument being presented. Bloom does this so much that I gave up trying to remember what point he was trying to establish, if one in fact existed.

Here's an example of what appears to be oversimplification of competing ideas and flippant dismissal based on what appears to be a straw man: "There are those who claim to feel relaxed after a good cry. But in general, it's just false that negative emotional experiences have a purging effect. Many walk out of a great horror movie shaken up and maybe, for the next little while, keep the lights on at night. In a recent survey of horror movie fans, most said that they were more scared after the movie ended; only on in twenty said they were less scared. Of all dead psychological theories, catharsis is the deadest."

Since when did anyone claim that "catharsis" happened from horror films and produced less fear? WHAT. There isn't even a good faith effort to understand that position charitably here. This man is an *academic*?!

He's written five other books I shall now also look askance at, as well. He's apparently a rather prolific shitty writer.

[Marne - Reader By the Water · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not a good fit for me, so I’m abandoning it at 10%. Impressed that in these few pages, the author quoted both Viktor Frankl and Eminem.

[Dan Connors · Rating 4 out of 5]

Can you have too much pleasure in life? Does a life of leisure and pleasure-seeking leave one empty and unfulfilled? And does an occasional bout of struggle or suffering propel us into more meaningful lives? These questions and more are looked at in this thought-provoking book by psychologist Paul Bloom. Human beings can be complicated characters- craving sex and sugar in one minute and then subjecting themselves to pain and degradation in the next? How do you explain the popularity of sad movies, extreme sports, or Sado-Masochism?

Paul Bloom is a Yale professor of psychology and cognitive science, where, according to Goodreads, "His research explores how children and adults understand the physical and social world, with special focus on morality, religion, fiction, and art."

I loved the title of this book, as it's a central idea in the pursuit of balance and harmony. Extremes of pain and pleasure don't serve us well, but finding a balance, or sweet spot, is what gives us both meaning and satisfaction.

The author says that some forms of chosen suffering are valuable in life. To attain real achievement, we all have to subject ourselves to hard work, struggles, and obstacles that need to be overcome. Sometimes this involves physical pain, but often it involves inconvenience, mental effort, or expanding our comfort zones. Think about the most meaningful things in your life- children, diplomas, work accomplishments, milestones- the most important ones often came from the hardest struggles.

While some types of chosen suffering are recreational- like going to a haunted house or seeing a sad movie, the more meaningful types involve extended effort and sacrifice around work, family, or community. Bloom looks at why we choose to subject ourselves to unpleasant things like hot super-spicy wings, BDSM, cold baths, horror movies, or fraternity hazing. There is a theory that brief periods of "safe" pain that leaves no lasting damage makes us feel better in contrast once it is removed. Pain and suffering can focus the mind, or it can extinguish the mind as the self gets consumed by a ritual or powerful feeling. Sometimes the thrill that comes with pain or threat of danger is accompanied by endorphins and natural highs that make the pain seem worthwhile.

We all have a different sweet spot, and we all yearn for challenges that are invigorating but not too much so. The dividing line between boredom and exhaustion is hard to define, but finding that flow is what makes our lives the most satisfying. Too much leisure or too much struggle can destroy a person. We all need to find an acceptable level of suffering to produce meaning in our lives. You don't need to go to war, found a business, or have twelve children to create optimal meaning. Sometimes it's small acts of kindness that make the most difference.

The author describes meaningful activity as something that moves us toward a goal that impacts the world, creates belonging, and expands the self. Would you rather stay in an ice hotel in Canada or a beach resort in Florida? One could be tough but very memorable and meaningful, while the other would be pleasant but eventually forgettable.

The idea that unchosen suffering makes us better is debatable. The author tells stories of people who've experienced horrible traumas, but look back on them as the best thing that's ever happened. In the face of tragedy, there is enormous effort to find the silver lining. We want to know that people didn't die for nothing. So we construct powerful stories that try to balance out the pain. But the bottom line is that real trauma like war, rape, gun violence, or bullying leaves lasting psychological damage, especially if prolonged. Sometimes unchosen suffering makes us more resilient and self-confident, but other times it makes us feel awful about ourselves and the world. With chosen suffering, we get to control our pain somewhat, which gets us to the sweet spot much faster.

Those who've never experienced struggle or vulnerability are at a loss for what to do when something actually happens to them. We all need to build resilience in the face of inevitable hardships, and that is the message of the sweet spot. Nothing of value comes by just stumbling upon it. Relationships must be built and negotiated. Businesses must be able to overcome all sorts of trials and tribulations. Even our body has to be able to get sick and repair itself multiple times in our lives. And without the feelings of sadness, we would never get to appreciate joy.

This is an interesting book full of powerful thoughts, though I doubt most will read it because watching a kitten video on YouTube is much easier and simpler. Hopefully each of us will stumble upon our own sweet spots as we go through life. The pursuit of pleasure only is an empty and lonely one, and the pursuit of pain is self-destructive. But in the right combination, these two can work miracles.

[Zibby Owens · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book looks into the question of "why do we sometimes choose to suffer?" It looks at how we suffer in big ways and small ways, sometimes out of choice. For example, we eat spicy foods, listen to songs that make us cry, or watch horror movies. The author explores how sometimes suffering can lead to pleasure. Sometimes it can give us the feeling of mastery and control. And sometimes, it provides us with an escape from ourselves.

I was interested in reading this book because I loved studying psychology in college. The author makes an interesting case saying that pain and suffering are essential to happiness, pleasure, and having meaning in our lives. And without it, we might be bored and unfulfilled. He also offers findings from brains science and psychology. It investigates the question we all ask at some point, what makes life worth living?

To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at:
https://zibbyowens.com/transcript/pau...

[Osama · Rating 4 out of 5]

يتناول الكتاب موضوع الألم وكيف يمكن أن تقود المعاناة للسعادة إذا حققت هدفا عاليا في النهاية. كتاب علمي رصين لعالم النفس پول بلوم، يزخر بالأمثلة والاقتباسات العلمية والفلسفية.

[Devina Heriyanto · Rating 2 out of 5]

The Sweet Spot: The Pleasures of Suffering and the Search for Meaning has a lofty ambition. In the preface, Paul Bloom says that he wants to convince readers that humans do not single-mindedly pursue pleasure and instead have a similar appetite for pain and suffering too, under the view of "motivational pluralism" (i.e. people want many things).

As a Buddhist, I find the first part of the subtitle to be intriguing. One of the key tenets in Buddhism is "life is suffering", but there is nothing in the scriptures --as far as my reading goes-- that says that suffering can be enjoyable too. Suffering, in the Buddhist view, is when we feel disappointment or dissatisfaction because some of our wants are not met. Bloom defines suffering more broadly to include unfavorable conditions that might cause physical and emotional pain or exhaustion or other negative emotions.

The highlight of the book is when Bloom elaborates on chosen suffering, ranging from hot baths and eating spicy food to BDSM and watching horror movies. Bloom argues that we often deliberately choose to suffer because it provides contrast to pleasurable conditions that might follow. For instance, drinking cold water after eating sambal. Bloom also dives into our attraction to evil, reflected in our obsession with grim fictional works, pointing out that Batman is interesting because he has villains to fight and not just a man building infrastructure and institutions that might help more people.

However, this does not necessarily support Bloom's motivational pluralism argument since, in the end, the chosen suffering becomes a means to maximize pleasure instead. Other benefits of suffering according to Bloom's view are that it distracts us from our anxieties, signals a cry for help, and helps us be in the moment. But somehow, due to Bloom's tendency to introduce us to new references or experts in what seemingly every two paragraphs, the explanation just falls flat.

Some suffering also gives meaning to our lives due to people's tendency to look for the silver lining as a coping mechanism -- which sounds like a shaky argument at best. The book seems to shy away from acknowledging that some tragedies bring extreme suffering that nobody in their right mind will choose to have or can ever be justified by anything. While the search for meaning occupies many parts of the book, Bloom does not offer a new perspective on this topic, rather heavily borrowing findings from other books such as Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi and, rather obviously, Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl.

It is tempting to close this review by saying that reading this is a form of benign masochism in itself and the next book I read will definitely be more thought-provoking and solid. But probably I'll choose to end with this quote instead, "If you suffer for something that gives delight, soon the suffering itself can give joy."

Because while reading this isn't a pleasurable experience, bashing the book with friends and writing this review surely bring me joy. In its attempt to urge us to view suffering in a different light (dare I say, like something at the end of a tunnel?), the book almost succumbs to toxic positivity and fails to find a sweet spot between being depressing and being insightful.

[Chris Boutté · Rating 5 out of 5]

It took me far too long to start reading Paul Bloom’s books, but once I started, I couldn’t stop. After binging his other books like Just Babies, How Pleasure Works, and Against Empathy, I was itching for more from Bloom, and fortunately, I was able to get an advanced copy of this new book. This book was inspired by Bloom taking a look at the world and seeing our high rates of suffering while also this rise in people trying to find happiness through self-help and pop psychology. In Paul Bloom fashion, he started asking himself a bunch of questions about pleasure and suffering, and this book is a culmination of his research and theories about how we can find the “sweet spot” between pain and pleasure.

This book is insanely good and like nothing I’ve read before (and this is coming from someone who reads hundreds of non-fiction books a year). Is there such thing as too much pleasure? Why do we find more satisfaction after suffering? Is there something about people who self-harm that we’re not seeing? Bloom tries to answer all of these questions and so much more, and the book really makes the reader reflect on how we pursue pleasure. Sometimes, there are books that are so good and thought provoking that even though I want to binge them, I have to take some time after each chapter to really let it all sink in, and that’s what this book does. The Sweet Spot has such a great blend of psychology, philosophy, and scientific research, and I really think it’ll help a lot of people have a shift in perspective when it comes to how we perceive many important topics when it comes to our personal well-being.

[فادي · Rating 4 out of 5]

حلو حلو حلو

[Daniel Hageman · Rating 4 out of 5]

While I continue to disagree with many of his 'philosophical conclusions', I enjoyed this much more than anticipated. Maybe I found pleasure in suffering through a few of the falsities he purveyed..

[Philip · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm torn.

On the one hand, "The Sweet Spot" is a pretty nice, well structured, well-written, clear, and concise read.
On the other hand - and while I recognize the need to prove or disprove feelings, ideas, and concepts - the book is mostly full of "well, duh" conclusions and I fail to see what this might actually do for the average reader.

Similarly, while I appreciated Bloom's candor in pointing out study weaknesses och potential confounding factors to some of the conclusions, I was not impressed by the occasional straw-manning of others' arguments (for example, there's a huge difference between saying "there is no right or wrong" and saying there is no universal right or wrong, even if the former is a lot easier to dismiss).

Yeah, some suffering can be pleasurable and/or positive - and I really appreciated the author specifying "chosen" suffering here, I'm so tired of people who treat all suffering and pain as if it were the same - but is anyone, anywhere surprised by that conclusion?

I'm left feeling that the book tricked me into reading it. It's good enough, I guess, but I kinda want the time I spent reading it back.

A weak-ish 2.5 stars, not something I'd recommend.

[Stetson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Paul Bloom, a well-known Canadian cognitive psychologist, has added a third popular science book to his body of work, The Sweet Spot. It makes for a great addition to his prior books on the innate, evolved moral systems of the brain (Just Babies) and the social limitations of empathy (Against Empathy), fitting well thematically with little overlapping content. The Sweet Spot is "an extended argument that chosen suffering can generate and enhance pleasure, and that it is an essential part of meaningful activities and a meaningful life." While the work is somewhat light on profundity (purposefully so in some ways), Bloom writes lucidly on the topical empirical research (and its limitations) and provides careful reflection on these insights by drawing on relevant literary theory, philosophy, and general commentary on the human condition. Bloom brings a balanced humility to this topic and is gentle with his prescriptions, which seems appropriate given the methodological and epistemic limitations to the available science.

Bloom's central claim builds on a sort of syllogism. First, certain ways of struggling or hurting can be sources of pleasure. Second, living a meaningful requires more than hedonic pleasure, including some sort or morality and worthwhile pursuits. And finally, the conduit to achieving a well lived life will require struggle and adversity. Some readers will find this argument axiomatic (or otherwise unoriginal) and may think a book length discussion of these ideas are unwarranted, but I think Bloom's succinctness and ability to draw expertly from multiple disciplines and bodies of literature justifies the work. However, I am a bit concerned that the self-evident nature of these claims may have lulled me into a less critical space as a reader. After finishing the book, I was still somewhat left with a feeling that some aspect of this topic was being overlooked or not considered (despite Bloom's thoroughness and thoughtfulness).

Overall, The Sweet Spot is an engaging, short read that only briefly loses a bit of focus and punch in its middle-late chapters. I found the portions drawing on literary theory to be especially edifying and thought provoking. There is also an interesting and somewhat poignant contrarianism to the work. Bloom is bold enough to argue for the necessity of suffering and the good it can do, while otherwise immersed in a zeitgeist that looks increasingly receptive to and on the precipice of Brave New World type transformation.

*Disclaimer: I received this work as an ARC through Netgalley.

[Andrew Nierenhausen · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5/5

This was a pretty enjoyable book. Nothing in it was truly surprising or groundbreaking, but it was a good primer on the topic of human suffering. Bloom often references Frankl, and Man's Search for Meaning. I think that book does a better job covering many of the ideas presented here. Still a good read, and I would recommend to anyone interested in the subject.

[Steve · Rating 4 out of 5]

An engaging writer addresses happiness and misery and our relationships with these things. Nothing’s terribly deep or profound, but he points out a lot of things to think about when questioning other people’s deep profundities. All with a lot of humor and humanity. I’ve really enjoyed several of his books. Recommended.

[lanie · Rating 2 out of 5]

ironic that i suffered through a book on the value of suffering

[Scott Perron · Rating 3 out of 5]

Classic example of a researcher who has a chapter of interesting material but publishers can’t sell a single chapter so several hundred pages of fluff are added.

Interesting topic although the actual research is pretty sparse and subjective. Basically self chosen suffering and struggle are shown to lead to meaning and happiness in life so it’s good to find hard things we want to do.

Suffering and struggle forced upon us and outside of our control aren’t shown to improve meaning and happiness in life over placebo groups even though we often try to equate all struggle and difficulty as “character building” and good.

He discusses the idea that “everything happens for a reason” and how that type of thinking may be good for individual mental health but is an obvious logical fallacy. Made me think of narrative bias and how we weave the stories of our own lives.

[Andrew · Rating 3 out of 5]

A decent read, but it could have gone deeper and been more encompassing in its reach, considering its subject matter (suffering, meaning, sacrifice, etc.) Not terrible, but not great either.

Some people think that people are natural hedonists, caring only about pleasure. But the author adopts a position of motivational pluralism, the idea that there is no single monovalent value that lies at the bottom of people’s desires. The book defends three related ideas:
- First, certain types of chosen suffering can be sources of pleasure.
- Second, a life well lived is more than a life of pleasure (but includes pleasure, in a transcend and include manner.)
- Third, some forms of suffering are essential to living a complete life.

Pain, owing to our interpretive capacity (which is essential for life, as Feldman-Barrett, Schachter and Singer, the pomos and the feminine-minded are absolutely correct to emphasise) can be good. We can interpret pain to be good, if, say, it’s in the service of some higher goal. Pleasure has more to do with happiness in the moment (hedonia), and meaning has more to do with happiness through time (eudaimonia), but it’s destructive of happiness in the moment. Meaning and happiness aren’t antithetical, but they can be isolated or experienced together.

Why do we seek pain? We respond to differences, not absolutes, which means something can become pleasurable not because of any stand-alone properties it has, but in contrast to the experience of the past. So we seek pain, firstly, in order to maximise the contrast with future experience and generate future pleasure. But the balance has to be right; the pain can’t be disproportionate to the future pleasure. Secondly, voluntary pain also causes us to lose our ‘selves’, similar to meditation or drugs, which is another facet of its universal appeal. Thirdly, it’s a costly signal of a social pleasure; we could advertise our toughness, our religious devotion, etc.

The law of least work says that organisms take the path of least resistance when possible. But effort itself can be a pleasure as it sweetens the value of the products of labour. As Taylor Swift says: “Men only want love if it’s torture.” If you suffer for something that gives delight, soon the suffering can give joy. But we can go further and state, with Bloom, that certain pursuits are intrinsically joyful regardless of the results that occur and that it’s the struggle itself that is pleasurable. These are the flow states of Csikszentmihalyi. Some effort becomes intrinsically enjoyable when it’s seen as a game, and games have several properties:
- An attainable goal,
- Sub-goals and some indication of progress,
- Mastery, the right sort of difficulty,
- Social contact, camaderie, and competition,
- Collections (although this can be considered a fact of subgoals.)
But it isn’t just flow that’s necessary for a life well-lived; you need something more, something meaningful.

(This chapter was the one I disagreed with the most.) But what is meaning? We can point to things that are considered meaningful to people, such as climbing a mountain, going to war, bringing forth demon-stricken souls into the world (or having children), etc. What makes them meaningful? Bloom is surely correct to say that you can achieve a meaningful life without knowing you’re trying to do so or thinking about it; it doesn’t have to be explicitly stated. (Is this a further case of something that is positively destroyed by being explicit, in the same way that if you explain a joke it kills it? I’m inclined to believe so.) But the author slightly loses me when he claims that there’s no such thing as an abstract meaning of life, following Frankl’s assertions. “Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life to carry out a concrete assignment which demands fulfillment.” It’s a bit like asking a chess champion what the best move in the world is; it’s too vague and broad to be considered in the abstract, bereft of any grounding contextual particularity. I think I see the point in this, but I think this position is simply one in the long process of finding out what the general point of life actually is. In other words, discovering the meaning of life is a process, the opinion here espoused being merely one step in the completion of this process. (What is the final opinion then? The lack of all opinion, the cessation of thought itself. What is the meaning of life? To know God. Who, or what, is God? That is something that you have to experience for yourself if you want to have any dreams of ever understanding what life is all about; I am physically incapable of writing that answer out for you, not because I’m an unskilled writer (which I surely am) but because it is literally impossible to convey the meaning of life to anyone through any representational means.) The author then tries to find out what distinguishes a meaningful activity or experience from a meaningless one. After going through various lists that others have helpfully compiled, noting the similarities (belonging, purposeful behaviour, transcendence, and coherence) Bloom attempts to integrate what has come before:
“A meaningful activity is oriented toward a goal, one that, if accomplished, would have an impact on the world—and this usually means that it has an impact on other people. This activity extends across a significant portion of one’s life and has some structure—it’s the sort of thing that one can tell a story about. It often connects to religion and spirituality and often connects to flow (leading to the experience of self-loss) and often brings you into close contact with other people and is often seen as morally virtuous—but none of these additional features are essential.”

Next, the author tackles religion, which is our species’ longest and deepest attempt to make sense of suffering. Chosen suffering (in limited doses) is what people actually need to live meaningful lives; but what about unchosen suffering? Some religions teach that suffering is a product of a beneficent form of discipline; that suffering wakes us up when we become complacent in life. But does unchosen suffering make us better people? According to Bloom, not so. Surely there are instances of unchosen suffering making people stronger than they would have otherwise been; but too much and it makes us bitter and resentful.

I’ll end on the note that made me give this book 3 stars. He draws a distinction between hedonia and eudaimonia, which I’ve described before. (Hedonia is the moment, eudaimonia is the past/future.) Remember how the universe proceeds: A B A*, the dialectic of progress, the descent into chaos and the rise into order, differentiation and integration, transcend and include, etc. Bloom criticises Gilbert for disagreeing with Mill, who states that it’s better to be Socrates dissatisfied than a pig satisfied. Gilbert draws a distinction between the Experiencer (right) and the Observer (left), the former who enjoys a nice relaxing dip into the pool and the latter who criticises the animalistic impulses of the former. Surely we want to be the Observer, or Socrates, according to Bloom, because who wants to be a pig, right? He’s correct, I don’t want to be a pig, but I certainly don’t want to be dissatisfied either. I think there’s an even better way out of this “dilemma”; ‘Tis better to be the Buddha satisfied than either Socrates dissatisfied or the pig satisfied! Why? Because the Buddha has been to the depths of Socrates and come out better on the other side of suffering; he has descended into chaos and emerged in order; transcended and included rationality. Socrates is a necessary, and unpleasant, part of the journey but it doesn’t end there and to stop at Socrates would be to leave a job half-done. Ignorance is certainly bliss but only AFTER the hell of knowledge.

[Daniel · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was awesome! Super interesting. Basically, humans find pain and suffering to be compelling. We actually are drawn towards it, IF we have some semblance of control over it. For example, I am a manic for cycling. But if I woke up in the middle of the with my legs burning, my heart beating at 180 bmp, struggling to breath, I would freak the heck out. It would be a literal waking nightmare. But when I have control over it, I seek it. This same type of situation manifests in challenging intellectual pursuits, exercise, bdsm. Fascinating deep dive into the psychology of suffering.

[Christan Reksa · Rating 2 out of 5]

Problem penderitaan & diskursusnya bukanlah hal asing. Selain karena cukup lekat dengan keseharian manusia, dilema2 moralnya juga menggelisahkan banyak orang yang mencari makna.

Buku ini, alih2 mencoba meladeni perdebatan demikian, sejatinya memberikan tawaran menarik: pantikan untuk menerangkan bagaimana penderitaan adalah sumber esensial dari kesenangan maupun makna.

Buku ini berhasil dalam menghadirkan bacaan yang mudah dicerna, bisa cepat dibaca, & penuh referensi2 tentang penderitaan dari literatur2 yang dibaca Bloom.

Karenanya buku ini juga berhasil dengan cepat meyakinkan saya bahwa waktu saya terbuang saat membacanya.

The Sweet Spot adalah kontribusi bagi "industri kebahagiaan" yang, sama dengan banyak buku2 setipenya, penuh premis2 kabur dengan referensi2 yang entah melemahkan argumen Bloom atau malah menegaskan bahwa motivasi penulisan buku ini tidak meyakinkan (seperti kata rekan diskusi Bloom yang dimuat di buku; kredit bagi Bloom karena mengakui bukunya jauh dari sempurna).

Saya menemukan buku ini dipenuhi flexing referensi bacaan yang memperbandingkan argumen satu & lainnya soal penderitaan yang gagal Bloom simpulkan dengan argumen darinya sendiri. Buku ini lebih bisa disebut kompilasi lontaran opini sana sini tentang mengapa terkadang kita memilih menderita & mengapa penderitaan penting bagi perkembangan peradaban manusia dalam taraf tertentu.

Mungkin Bloom ingin meyakinkan pembaca bahwa penderitaan adalah salah satu pemberi makna hidup yang sengaja manusia cari dalam taraf tertentu. Mungkin dia benar & saya bisa relate. Namun membaca buku ini tidak membuat saya lebih yakin.

Percayalah, membaca kitab suci agama masing2 atau buku klasik yang Bloom kutip seperti "Man's Search for Meaning" oleh Victor Frankl & "Flow" oleh Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi akan lebih mencerahkan soal penderitaan.

Namun bila ingin melihat penderitaan dengan cara yang lebih tidak personal & tetap menghadirkan optimisme bahwa penderitaan dalam taraf tertentu adalah kesempatan manusia bertumbuh, buku ini cukup menarik.

Hanya tidak cukup menarik bagi saya.

[Simon Tudge · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not quite mind blowing, but it's a nice short and snappy book filled with interesting ideas and thoughts, so well worth the read.

[Zach · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was really hoping this wouldn't be a collection of summaries of research from psychologists and sociologists and all that.

It is, essentially, and that's a bummer.

[Jason Harris · Rating 1 out of 5]

Some books you can’t put down. Some books take awhile to hit their stride. Others are time wasters. This books was a time waster. No insight. No thesis.

I read this book because it was part of a book club. It was a painful read. I skimmed most of it. I am sure the author is a kind, intelligent, and caring person. This book just didn’t work for me.

[Gretchen Schock · Rating 2 out of 5]

I didn’t feel as though there was anything in this book that I haven’t read/heard before. It’s an academic book being sold as self-help but reads as it’s for an academic audience. I bet it’s required reading for his classes. Anyhoo, if you aren’t taking his class skip this book and read a different personal development book.

[Ryan · Rating 4 out of 5]

In The Sweet Spot, Paul Bloom attempts to tease out a common sense understanding of contentment and satisfaction that is more illuminating than the many things we think of when we think of "happiness."

Happiness is important, but it's also a tricky concept to understand because it can refer to so many things. Bloom distinguishes pleasure from satisfaction. Pleasure is captured in the feeling we get when we eat freshly baked bread while satisfaction might be understood by the feeling we get when we bake a loaf of bread ourselves and then eat it. At first glance, the two scenarios should be indistinguishable, but they often aren't. For whatever reason, the work we put into the latter scenario makes that experience pleasurable and satisfying. Here we're talking about pleasure and hedonism vs satisfaction and meaning.

Many philosophers and psychologists get into trouble by boosting one of these types of contentment over the other, while Bloom argues that we have pluralistic drives. If we spend all of our time happy, we feel a lack of meaning, while if we spend all of our time suffering in pursuit of some goal, we eventually realize we're not very happy.

There's something banal about this conclusion, but I would suggest that we really do fall into the either/or trap very often. It seems to me that much of our society is built around providing us with instant entertainment on our TV, our phone, or our laptop. And it's also easy to see people obsessively grinding away to reach distant goals, whether that be an extreme effective altruist (see Laryssa MacFarquhar's Strangers Drowning) or a climate hawk who wants to save the world through their individual sacrifice (see Jonathan Safron Foer's We Are the Weather). So finding a balance is tricky and a lot of our discourse would be better devoted to suggesting to people that they're a little out of balance (e.g. "you seem to be like 80% pleasure to 20% meaning right now and that may be why you feel a bit aimless and lost lately.") rather than arguing over which matters more. Note that 50:50 may not be ideal, btw.

Bloom has a knack for teasing out interesting insights. I came across at least three here, which are:

1) A sense of contentment is often relative to what happened immediately before. Bloom shares a pleasant memory of shoveling snow in Quebec before drinking hot cocoa and having a hot bath as a kid. Another example... Travelers complained less when airport managers moved the baggage claim further from the arrival gates. Passengers were able to purposefully walk to their bags rather than idly waiting in a less inconvenient place and so complained less.

2) We appear to crave boredom at some margin. Much of our most celebrated literature consists of boring interludes. Bloom mentions the boring taxonomy sections of Moby Dick as one example, and I found many these dull digressions in McMurtry’s Lonesome Dove (a book that I eventually rated 5 stars here on GRs). I also note that video games increasingly include boring obstacles. Uncharted and Final Fantasy are both adventurous games, and yet both are filled with non-threatening side quests and banal relationship building conversations. Why? Perhaps because if it’s all action, all the time, the game becomes aesthetically dead.

3) Bloom presents a defense of the claim that something can uniquely happen to humans relative to other species. He just tosses it into this book, willynilly.

If I was to criticize The Sweet Spot, I'd point out that I hate the title. It's likely easy to get the gist of the book's message by listening to an interview with Bloom on the Very Bad Wizards podcast. I found Against Empathy more interesting and it added more value to my understanding of empathy than The Sweet Spot has added to my understanding of happiness. Then again, that may be because I have already read Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning and Jon Haidt's Happiness Hypothesis.

Maybe we all need works of this sort that we can return to from time to time. If so, why not read this book? 3.5 stars.

[Jan Peregrine · Rating 4 out of 5]

there's always a sweet spot
in some of our strife;
it's what we consider
our meaning of life.
Yes, we may be suff'ring,
but it's something we choose;
we suffer with pleasure
for what it imbues.

We might climb mountains
or go off to war;
maybe raise up a child
or cut ourselves—the horror!.
It could be physical
or mental suff'ring we need,
yet we don't have to suffer,
only watch others bleed.


it may help us connect
with those who feel pain;
it may seem to help us
just to feel our own pain;
we find meaning in this,
it stimulates change that's elusive;
we'll set ourselves goals
and gain a world less abusive.

Sometimes however,
we watch and feel glee,
this isn't a good thing,
to enjoy hardship we see.
Be empathetic instead,
and feel badly they suffer;
show them you care
so their life isn't rougher.


Paul Bloom studies all this;
he's written the book;
but he cites the studies
in psychology books..
He's argued it well,
how we find the good life;
it's through suff'ring we plan for,
it's the meaning of life.

[L · Rating 3 out of 5]

I didn't get a lot out of this one. The author spends a lot of time dropping pop culture references in a sad attempt to win the reader over but never seems to draw practical conclusions. I don't know what to do with this information! Most, if not all, of what he says is common sense. Yes, chosen suffering is different from non-chosen suffering.

Maybe this well had been poisoned from the beginning; he listed credible and respected researchers in the field of positive psychology and omitted Kristin Neff. IMO, this is unforgivable. He mentioned the list wasn't conclusive, but why would he not call out the co-founder of the Center for Mindful Self-Compassion and frequent contributor to the Greater Good Science Center at Berkeley?

This was entertaining enough to listen to, but I felt wanting by the end.