On Becoming Toddler Wise

by Gary Ezzo

The toddler years are the learning fields and you need a trustworthy guide to take you through the unfolding maze of your child's developing world. On Becoming Toddlerwise is a tool chest of workable strategies and ideas that multiplies your child's learning opportunities in a loving and nurturing way. This resource is as practical as it is informative.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Self Help, Family, Reference, Adult, Childrens

First published October 15, 2003

Reviews

[Karen · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was an incredibly fast read, I read it in two sittings. Maybe because I skipped most of the chapter on potty training, since I'm not ready to tackle that with the kiddo yet. General takeaway I got from this:
- a schedule / routine is helpful
- be intentional with your time with your child (guide them and try to teach them, don't just let them wander around)
- focus more on redirection and restriction than punishment at this stage
- use your word choice carefully; don't bog the kid down with long explanations, keep it simple and direct and find ways to encourage positive behavior rather than always discouraging negative behavior

One thing I did not like about this book is that it assumed a stay-at-home mother in all cases. So all the examples were like "when the dad gets home, he can spend one-on-one time with one kid while the mom bathes the others and puts them to bed" and stuff like that. A sample day schedule was entirely focused on a stay-at-home mother so for a two-job couple like us, I found it hard to translate some of the suggestions to our varied schedule and caregivers.

[Traci Thomas · Rating 2 out of 5]

This one is the least helpful in the series. Mostly a repeat of previous books. Still sort of old fashioned and certainly has out dated and offensive (and blatantly wrong) info about gender norms. Helpful but not that helpful.

[Karli · Rating 5 out of 5]

I often don't just love everything in a parenting book (I've read several, especially before we had Noah, but I kind of like to glean a little from each one and tend to take a pretty balanced view - meaning I don't believe in magic formulas that work 100% of the time for everybody because every parent and child is so different.) But I really like this book... I liked it even more than Babywise for some reason (which doesn't totally make sense because it's the same heart value). At the Bible School, one of the things we focus on with our first year students is what we call "The Power of a Focused Life" - which at its heart is about managing time and disciplining your life that you would not squander your destiny in Christ. The students fill out Personal Goals - related to overall life vision and then also focus on more specific goals such as finances, relationships, rest, ministry, vocation, prayer and study, etc, etc. Once they have done that, they create a schedule that sets them on a course toward achieving those goals. One of the biggest revelations for our students just in scheduling their time like this is how much time they are actually wasting... doing things aimlessly and losing hours - precious hours that add up to years lost over the course of a lifetime.

The heart of this book reminded me of the heart of above. It's the Power of Focused Life for Toddlers... and I LOVED it! Much of it was something we already do in part, but it gave even more clarity and direction to the heart of what we were feeling/doing. I wished it had more practical tips and strategies becuase I bought into the philosophy right away (didn't need three more chapters to explain it for me)... but overall, I'm glad I have this book.

[Becca · Rating 4 out of 5]

While this was not quite as informative as the Babywise book, I did still find a lot of tidbits that were helpful in this book. I really like how Bucknam and Ezzo outline more a way of thinking than giving explicit instructions (which never work for me because every child is so different). This book gave me the tools I needed to then craft my own parenting approach. It's how they did it in Babywise too--they provide a framework and you tailor it to your own child.

The one weak area I found was in the "Land of Good Reason" chapter. I found that to be so over the top and condescending and unnecessary. It was a clunky analogy that sounded more like the authors thumbing their noses at those who didn't follow the toddler wise approach and it just seemed very juvenile. They could have just outlined their approach to reason without putting others down.

The strongest chapter, which was written by a guest author, was about scheduling your toddlers day. I found it so interesting and a great way to look at routines, discipline, and ways to keep your toddler engaged. Great stuff.

Overall, really liked the book and will be continuing by reading the Preschool wise book in the near future!

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another home run for the On Becoming series.

I'm still pondering their thoughts on conscience and the development thereof. However, that being said, authors mentor us in their chosen path, and I'm happy to be mentored by the Ezzo/Bucknam team. Their advice for raising children and managing the household had proven to be blessings to me and my family. I'm looking forward to re-implementing more of their ideas this fall.

[Rebekah · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’m hovering between 3 and 4 stars on this one. A lot of it was just so-so. However, the last section of the book (the questions and answers) were super helpful! They covered meal time issues, tantrums, teaching self-control, traveling with toddlers, weaning, and other super practical and relevant topics. I may never revisit parts of this book, but will definitely reference that last section again!

[Lori · Rating 1 out of 5]

Garbage. This book assumes that the mom is the only one parenting the child. This book was first published in 2003! It states that girls excel at talking but not math and engineering. Seriously?? Even if you can see past that, this book reads like a Buzzfeed article that was stretched into a book. Hard pass.

[Kelly · Rating 3 out of 5]

Continuing from BabyWise, this book provides wise, reasonable principles and developmental insight, along with some practical application/suggestions and examples, but I personally had a hard time overlooking the atrocious writing and grammar!

[Abigail Leick · Rating 5 out of 5]

In direct contrast to Love and Logic - the application of principles is consistent and the stated goal of child rearing is much closer to my own. Equally practical and flexible, it makes allowances for differences in parenting style but stands firm on the essentials.

[Brenna · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not anything too groundbreaking in this one.

[Kaley]

Appreciate this resource!

[Makayla · Rating 3 out of 5]

Expected it to be more edgy. Good common sense approach to parenting

[Christina · Rating 4 out of 5]

I just re-read this one to help me with my 13 month old twins. It doesn't give you warm fuzzies or anything, but it sure helped get me in gear and back on track with parenting them. Especially regarding high chair manners. I didn't think they were that bad, but as I read they do just about every naughty thing on the list... drop food/silverware off the tray, put dirty utensils in their hair, scream (for fun), spit raspberries while eating, grab the spoon when I'm feeding them, etc. I've gotten better about reinforcing sign language with them as a result of reading this and have seen positive results in just two days. I really believe in the importance of individual play time and it's pretty amazing to see my one-year olds focus for 30-45 minutes at a time, all alone without direction. This seems especially important for twins who constantly have another guy their size messing with them and trying to take their toys all day. This is a gem and can be read in one sitting.

[Erin · Rating 3 out of 5]

OK, the prose is painfully bad. I can't review this without saying that. The whole "land of good reason" imagery was honestly painful to read.

That said, here are the ideas I took from it that I am going to try out with Emily:
* It is important to focus on goals, rather than methods, when parenting. It will keep you grounded on why you do what you do.
* Discipline matters in the little things, because it will set a pattern of obedience for the big things.
* Too much freedom in environment = too overstimulated to learn properly.

[Sue · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book is dangerous.

[Mandy J. Hoffman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Anything you need to know about raising a toddler is found in this book.

[Leslie Maughan · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is the first book from this series that I have read. I probably won't read any others; I think I'll look for other sources. I was very torn on how to feel about this book. Here are some (somewhat organized?) thoughts:

Picked this up at a Christian book store. Is it a Christian book? I don't know. I guess the couple of references to a church nursery/long sermon, and the one Bible verse awkwardly thrown into the middle of the book, maybe?

Pros:
-Easy to read.
-They do a good job acknowledging that every child develops at different rates.
-I like their focus on the important stuff of parenthood: parents are loving mentors who should help children learn self-control, self-governance, positive ways to interact with others, how to deal with disappointment, how to learn, etc. We ultimately want to raise humans who are positive members of their families, communities, and societies, and I think these authors are right on with this.
-They also have some good ideas for structuring playtime different ways to try and incorporate self-control and entertaining oneself into the day so that parents don't have to entertain the kid all the time.
-They have some good tips on how to give instructions and how to use positive language.

Cons:
-They needed a better proofreader. I was very distracted by grammatical mistakes as I read.
-The writers assume that their entire reading audience is a 1950s nuclear family with married mom and dad. Mom stays home with the children, and Dad works. The whole book functions this way.
-The made up stories (especially the one with the talking owls) were almost physically painful for me. I desperately wanted them to get to the point.
-The bits about gender were also almost physically painful for me. Consider this paragraph:
"Any grandmother knows that if you put a toy car, ball, stick, doll, blanket, and bowl in a room, little boys immediately gravitate toward the car, ball, and stick, while little girls drift to the doll, blanket, and bowl. It really doesn't matter where a child is from, whether it be a complex society like ours or a simple tribal setting in the rain forest..."

I don't even know what to do with that.

-They propose some methods as pretty much instantaneous solutions: one day potty training, folding hands to gain self-control. I'm a skeptic, but I'll try some.

So overall, there were some good nuggets that I really liked. But there was so much that I couldn't stand.

[Taco Tuesday · Rating 1 out of 5]

I liked the sleep training method in Babywise, so I was hoping this would have some good general toddler information, but it was a huge miss for me. The chapter about creating a schedule read like it was straight from the 1950s, talking about how moms will be less stressed and will be able to get food on the table before dads come home if they just stick to the routine. There was a line that said something to the effect of “Dad should try to spend a few minutes with each child, even if a few minutes is all he has time for,” and I just lost it. This book was published in the early 2000s. There is just no excuse for this antiquated portrayal of American family life. What about more equitable parenting divisions? What about working moms and stay-at-home dads? What about nannies, day cares, and other child care options? So gross and unhelpful.

[Dana Walton · Rating 2 out of 5]

There was some helpful information in this book, but really not that much. I felt like I mostly could have achieved this level of knowledge through just asking my pediatrician some basic questions. Worst of all, this book is incredibly gendered and sexist...constantly assuming mom is at home and doing all the work with the children and dad is away. There is also a section in the topic pool about gender roles where the author states boys show a higher aptitude for math/engineering than girls (among other problematic gender stereotypes that we should be working to dismantle, not teach parents to accept as good or encourage). Overall, I would not recommend. The first Babywise book that was focused on sleep was extremely helpful to me, but each one in the series has gotten worse, with this one being the least beneficial.

[Liz · Rating 4 out of 5]

I give this 4 stars because I walked away with probably a dozen practical and useful (and immediately implementable) tips for parenting a toddler. Which is highly valuable to me in this season of walking with our first child through the toddler stage. I almost gave it 5 but the writing itself is not that great so I couldn’t quiiite go with 5 (but I didn’t get too distracted by that).
As with most anything, I don’t agree with all of the principles or ideas, but I did find it to be one of the few books I’ve found with practical thoughts on parenting in this specific age (maybe I just haven’t looked hard enough though haha). It’s a quick read and easy to get through in a couple sittings.

[Lynnette · Rating 3 out of 5]

I absolutely did not intend to read this all the way through. My kid is almost past this stage. But I wanted to get some potty training tips and once I invested in the 30 some pages that I figured I might as well finish. I'm glad I did. There were some really timely reminders that made me rethink some scheduling and approach to certain aspects of parenting this age. It always throws me that these books are written from a secular perspective that assumes the morals of Christianity. There are still good things to glean, but if you're hoping for specific ways to incorporate the Bible into parenting, check out Ginger Hubbard instead!

[Luke Gruber · Rating 3 out of 5]

Parenting is essentially a collection of advice from family, friends, books, and google. Not that everything heard should be employed, but having an understanding of various methods and solutions are helpful when refining your own parenting strategy. This book is just that. It’s helpful information for a 18-36 month year old child. I find all of these books written by the Ezzo’s to be helpful. This book was broader than the previous books and spoke more high level. Honestly, I thought the last chapter was better than the rest of the book combined. It was the most applicable. It was good.

[Tiffany Kwan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was originally avoiding this series because I have heard some bad things about the authors. However, I’m so glad that I gave it a chance. I found that it was not a dogmatic book, but it gave some good and balanced advice about parenting that also made a lot of sense to me. I’m not saying I agreed with every single detail, but as with all other books I read, I need to exercise some discernment in what would work for our family. Overall, I’m really glad I read it and my toddler seems to be happy too. :)

[Nevelyn Lawrence · Rating 4 out of 5]

I felt like his book was geared towards families with stay at home mamas and working papas. As a working mom this bothered me, but I looked past it because babywise was so good to me. If you are in the final stages of toddler hood (30-40 months) don't bother getting this book as you probably figured out a lot of this on your own. I liked the potty chapter, and I liked the toddler pool at the end. He gives a good perspective on parenting in a firm, friendly, and fair environment that is for the toddler's best interests.

[Renga Sesinyi · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this ! Definitely getting the paperback for our home library

I enjoyed this book. I have a 2yr old daughter and recently welcomed another baby so a lot has been underway in our home.ha. I try to look up reads that help me understand some things to consider as a toddler's parent that I otherwise wouldn't know to Google up an article for. Sometimes you need books of collected ideas to study and this book does that for me. Looking forward to getting pottywise next and the rest.

[Erin · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think this book can be helpful for most parents. It had good reminders (schedule and boundaries are needed and healthy), but are hard to implement with number three while I’m homeschooling two older children. Since it’s been a number of years (4) since I had a toddler there are definite elements of positive talk that’d I’d forgotten with potty training. I think if it were my first child then a lot of it would have been brand new and crucial.

[Lindsey Weis · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good read but very basic

I felt like I set my expectations high when beginning to read this book, lots of mom friends raved over this book and I felt like the information provided was very basic and majority of it I have learned in a into to child development/psychology class in college. It was a good read and I did get some helpful pointers along the way but there was no big aphopany or ah ha moment

[Marina Furmanov · Rating 3 out of 5]

While I loved babywise, I was disappointed by this book. It read like a textbook where I had to reread and translate the hypothetical text (and formals?!?) into normal, applicable language. Note to author, your audience has children, might be tired, and is looking for a bit of theory but mostly practice, easy to read, advice. This seemed more like the notes for the book you are actually to write to your target audience. Unless your target audience is child psych students.

[Kimber · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very easy to read and quick, which is appreciated! I love the idea of scheduling the day into different kinds of time (free play, planned play, etc) instead of, often for me, feeling as though the day flies by without us actually DOING anything. I skipped the potty training section, as we aren't ready for that yet. Not much else was new here, but I really liked the chapter on planning your day.

[Allison · Rating 4 out of 5]

Helpful. I don't fully agree with his potty training method (too incentive-based for us), and I wish he had talked about discipline once they reach the full defiance stage, but helpful in what it did cover. I especially like how he teaches children to "get self-control" in a way they can understand as toddlers.