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They
A powerful and deeply personal exploration of a divided country - and a hopeful vision for change.
'This is not another book about the relationship between Muslims and non-Muslims. It is THE book. . . . Absolutely not to be missed.' - Matthew d'Ancona
Sarfraz Manzoor grew up in a working-class Pakistani Muslim family in Luton - where he was raised to believe that they were different, they had an alien culture and they would never accept him. They were white people.
In today's deeply divided Britain we are often told they are different, they have a different culture and values and they will never accept this country. This time they are Muslims.
Weaving together history, reportage and memoir, Sarfraz Manzoor journeys around Britain in search of the roots of this division - from the fear that Islam promotes violence, to the suspicion that Muslims wish to live segregated lives, to the belief that Islam is fundamentally misogynistic.
THEY is also Manzoor's search for a more positive future. We hear stories from Islamic history of a faith more tolerant and progressive than commonly assumed, and stories of hope from across the country which show how we might bridge the chasm of mutual mistrust.
THEY is at once fiercely urgent, resolutely hopeful and profoundly personal. It is the story of modern, Muslim Britain as it has never been told.
'Humane, heart breaking and hopeful' - Kirsty Wark
'Extraordinarily researched and courageously confronting, Sarfraz Manzoor writes with a rare blend of historical depth and personal authenticity. Profoundly personal and refreshingly honest, They tells the urgent and often untold story of Muslim Britain.' - David Lammy MP
'This is not another book about the relationship between Muslims and non-Muslims. It is THE book. . . . Absolutely not to be missed.' - Matthew d'Ancona
Sarfraz Manzoor grew up in a working-class Pakistani Muslim family in Luton - where he was raised to believe that they were different, they had an alien culture and they would never accept him. They were white people.
In today's deeply divided Britain we are often told they are different, they have a different culture and values and they will never accept this country. This time they are Muslims.
Weaving together history, reportage and memoir, Sarfraz Manzoor journeys around Britain in search of the roots of this division - from the fear that Islam promotes violence, to the suspicion that Muslims wish to live segregated lives, to the belief that Islam is fundamentally misogynistic.
THEY is also Manzoor's search for a more positive future. We hear stories from Islamic history of a faith more tolerant and progressive than commonly assumed, and stories of hope from across the country which show how we might bridge the chasm of mutual mistrust.
THEY is at once fiercely urgent, resolutely hopeful and profoundly personal. It is the story of modern, Muslim Britain as it has never been told.
'Humane, heart breaking and hopeful' - Kirsty Wark
'Extraordinarily researched and courageously confronting, Sarfraz Manzoor writes with a rare blend of historical depth and personal authenticity. Profoundly personal and refreshingly honest, They tells the urgent and often untold story of Muslim Britain.' - David Lammy MP
448 pages, Hardcover
Published August 19, 2021
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 41 reviews
October 18, 2022
Sarfraz Manzoor's position as the teller of the tale of 'They' is a complex one. He is a Pakistani-born immigrant whose parents brought him to Luton as a toddler. He's now a journalist, writer (famously the man behind the beautiful Bruce Springsteen film homage 'Blinded by the Light' aka the book 'Greetings from Bury Park'). He is married to a white Scotswoman called Bridget and is father to two mixed-race children.
He wants to understand the role of British Pakistani-heritage Muslims in our society. And he wants us to understand it too. Trouble is, it's a heck of a complex topic for him and us to get our heads around.
He addresses common perceptions and misperceptions. Sometimes he can debunk theories (I love the example of the Bradford Pakistani-born Muslims who rescued the local synagogue) and sometimes he's forced to conclude that there are very real problems. The chapter on the grooming of young white girls by gangs of Pakistani men in several of the nation's cities cannot mitigate that particular evil simply by pointing out that white folks also sleep with young girls and are perhaps a bit more likely to sexually abuse young people within their own families. There are no easy answers and at least he's as honest as he can be about the problems.
There are lots of interesting and sometimes inspiring stories in 'They'. Sometimes the people described turn out to be people we already know. Sometimes we're very disappointed by them, and sometimes a person who is inspiring in one endeavour (the guy who got people together to go and help with the flooding in Cumbria) are then revealed to be pretty bigoted in other areas (telling young people that Muslims cannot be gay).
For anybody thinking about reading this, it's important to be aware that this isn't a book about Muslims in total - it's a book about Muslims of Pakistani origin. That might seem a bit limiting, but actually to address the wider challenges of the entire world Islamic culture and religion would be overwhelming for any writer. So he writes what he knows and - to a degree - what he has in part left behind him. He's lost his role as one of 'them' and become an outsider-insider - not quite the people he writes about but not entirely separate from that society.
I recommend it as a well-paced, not too academic examination of big issues that's peppered with lots of examples of real people and real experience.
Thanks to Netgalley and the publishers for my copy.
He wants to understand the role of British Pakistani-heritage Muslims in our society. And he wants us to understand it too. Trouble is, it's a heck of a complex topic for him and us to get our heads around.
He addresses common perceptions and misperceptions. Sometimes he can debunk theories (I love the example of the Bradford Pakistani-born Muslims who rescued the local synagogue) and sometimes he's forced to conclude that there are very real problems. The chapter on the grooming of young white girls by gangs of Pakistani men in several of the nation's cities cannot mitigate that particular evil simply by pointing out that white folks also sleep with young girls and are perhaps a bit more likely to sexually abuse young people within their own families. There are no easy answers and at least he's as honest as he can be about the problems.
There are lots of interesting and sometimes inspiring stories in 'They'. Sometimes the people described turn out to be people we already know. Sometimes we're very disappointed by them, and sometimes a person who is inspiring in one endeavour (the guy who got people together to go and help with the flooding in Cumbria) are then revealed to be pretty bigoted in other areas (telling young people that Muslims cannot be gay).
For anybody thinking about reading this, it's important to be aware that this isn't a book about Muslims in total - it's a book about Muslims of Pakistani origin. That might seem a bit limiting, but actually to address the wider challenges of the entire world Islamic culture and religion would be overwhelming for any writer. So he writes what he knows and - to a degree - what he has in part left behind him. He's lost his role as one of 'them' and become an outsider-insider - not quite the people he writes about but not entirely separate from that society.
I recommend it as a well-paced, not too academic examination of big issues that's peppered with lots of examples of real people and real experience.
Thanks to Netgalley and the publishers for my copy.
January 30, 2023
What a fascinating book - and so completely relevant to every aspect of my life, examines my assumptions and prejudices and points so many ways forward for us all.
I live in a glorious "multi-cultural" neighbourhood - glorious for me as I am lucky, very outgoing, love making connections with all my neighbours from a multitude of backgrounds including students from S England (some of whom seem more different from me than many of my Asian or Arabic neighbours) and on the urface at least everyone seems to mull along easily day by day. However, there are continuously tricky moments in my days when I meet very hurt and resentful (usually White, but also Caribbean and sometimes other backgrounds) often but not always elderly residents, feeling that their world is unrecognisable now and nobody talks to them etc - which for them is true, and I wish I could have more time, a bigger heart, a greater ability to draw people together to make some of the changes needed. Sarfraz Mansoor describes so many incidents of both pain, hurt and fear along with fascinating stories of optimism that pays off, communities that are healing . His own experiences and his thinking and learning about which presumptions were accurate or wrong, and how to manage these, are very interesting. And he is seriously brave (he even comments sometimes about being frightened of meeting some [eg EDL] leaders) and tries to be constructive and really understand what people are saying.
He writes the book in categories of the biggest assumptions that are made about Muslims in Britain and each is examined meticulously (he has a clever technique of describing people by their first names when covering their lives - and it will finally be revealed that they are someone famous) - so he looks at segregation in housing, shops and cultures, the history and origins of most British Pakistani families, arranged marriage, halal and haram food/drink, CSE and grooming gangs, ISIS and terrorism, homosexuality, antisemitism, Sharia law and 'British values'. (In fact the only major area he sadly ignores is the climate emergency, I work quite a lot on these areas with my local community
and in spite of the terrible floods in Pakistan, most of my british Pakistani neighbours have 2 - 3 cars per family and mke no connection at all between these or other things)
Everyone should read this if you live in the UK, whether in an urban or rural environment
I live in a glorious "multi-cultural" neighbourhood - glorious for me as I am lucky, very outgoing, love making connections with all my neighbours from a multitude of backgrounds including students from S England (some of whom seem more different from me than many of my Asian or Arabic neighbours) and on the urface at least everyone seems to mull along easily day by day. However, there are continuously tricky moments in my days when I meet very hurt and resentful (usually White, but also Caribbean and sometimes other backgrounds) often but not always elderly residents, feeling that their world is unrecognisable now and nobody talks to them etc - which for them is true, and I wish I could have more time, a bigger heart, a greater ability to draw people together to make some of the changes needed. Sarfraz Mansoor describes so many incidents of both pain, hurt and fear along with fascinating stories of optimism that pays off, communities that are healing . His own experiences and his thinking and learning about which presumptions were accurate or wrong, and how to manage these, are very interesting. And he is seriously brave (he even comments sometimes about being frightened of meeting some [eg EDL] leaders) and tries to be constructive and really understand what people are saying.
He writes the book in categories of the biggest assumptions that are made about Muslims in Britain and each is examined meticulously (he has a clever technique of describing people by their first names when covering their lives - and it will finally be revealed that they are someone famous) - so he looks at segregation in housing, shops and cultures, the history and origins of most British Pakistani families, arranged marriage, halal and haram food/drink, CSE and grooming gangs, ISIS and terrorism, homosexuality, antisemitism, Sharia law and 'British values'. (In fact the only major area he sadly ignores is the climate emergency, I work quite a lot on these areas with my local community
and in spite of the terrible floods in Pakistan, most of my british Pakistani neighbours have 2 - 3 cars per family and mke no connection at all between these or other things)
Everyone should read this if you live in the UK, whether in an urban or rural environment
February 12, 2022
I really liked this book. It was packed with anecdotes and real life experiences but avoids any neat conclusions. It’s particularly gratifying to read that, contrary to the authors expectations, those people who are truly religious were more likely to be engaging with people from other cultures and religions. The bigots, both Muslim and British are more likely to be lost boys looking for belonging and meaning.
July 7, 2023
So rel and so important (and essential for anyone living and working in (east) London). I just wished the author focused slightly more on the colonial context
March 17, 2026
TL;DR: Free Palestine. Free all oppressed peoples. End occupation. Avoid this book.
Where to even start with this book. There was so much that made me rage that I almost don’t have the energy to write a review. But as a book that examines cultural and religious identity in the context of British politics, it’s important to talk about this. It’s why I finished it rather than set fire to it.
First of all, I will congratulate Manzoor on talking to so many people. Does he sometimes approach women as an afterthought? Sure. Does he get bogged down in quantity over quality in terms of how he uses these interviews? Sure. But it is nevertheless very obviously something that will have taken a lot of time. I can believe it took him over three years to conduct them all.
What I cannot believe is literally the rest of it.
Let’s start with the most fundamental issue I had. Namely, that Manzoor, a British Pakistani Muslim, places the onus to ‘integrate’ almost squarely on British Pakistani Muslims. The reason for this, we discover in the epilogue, is because before writing this book he genuinely believed that Muslims were almost solely to blame for societal division. As baffling as this is for me to comprehend, he’s not exactly the only Brown person to espouse white narratives. One only has to look at British Asian MPs – even a Prime Minister – in recent years. Shabana Mahmood is our Home Secretary. I know Asian people who critique diversity in film as being ‘shoehorned’.
So he’s not unique. What I did find troubling was that despite realising how wrong he was after talking to so many Muslim people (and white people who were radicalised but then after talking to a Muslim realised that Muslims aren’t so bad after all), he still wrote the book as if he continues to place the blame on marginalised communities. Now, I agree that social cohesion and – if we must use this word – integration is a two-way street. There are absolutely problems within Asian and Muslim communities that need to be addressed, and Manzoor explores these. But he over-represents them and elects to ignore the responsibility incumbent on the media and government, not to mention a lack of comprehensive education that includes the real history of minorities in Britain, and the responsibility of white individuals. One gets the sense that as a journalist, he is defensive – there is a moment where he says that he generally finds blaming the media to be lazy. I would argue it is lazy of him to choose to ignore the impact of media just because it (presumably) makes him uncomfortable. Isn’t making a difference precisely the reason why many journalists enter the field?
As a result, then, every encounter he has with a Muslim, whether they are more traditional themselves or whether they combat bigotry with kindness (literally offering members of the EDL cups of tea at one point), is followed up by his asking them what Muslims can do to improve the situation. Danger to their person and property? What can they do. A detrimental effect on their kids? What can they do. I feel that this problematic approach could have been mitigated a lot by some decent editing (I will come back to this subject later). First, to have an introduction that states Manzoor’s position upfront; and then to have the body of the text more balanced where his own assumptions are then countered by ways in which society more broadly can take responsibility for its own Islamophobia and scapegoating.
Another core issue is that this book lacks nuance. Perhaps not surprising given the major bias above, but it extends much deeper and in more insidious ways. A good example of this is his chapter on anti-Semitism. There is absolutely a certain subset of Muslims which is anti-Semitic. I don’t wish to downplay that. However, he then brings in the subject of Israel’s genocide against Palestine. Not that he calls it that, of course. Granted, this book was first published in 2021, but his treatment of the subject goes only as far as saying this is the reason for much anti-Semitism within the community, when Muslims and Jewish people should acknowledge how much they have in common. I mean, sure. But if you’re going to cite this conflict in particular, in – and I cannot stress this enough – a chapter about anti-Semitism, you need to tread carefully. In discussing MPs who were forced to apologise and/or step down for posting supposedly racist content, he makes no distinction between anti-Israel and anti-Semitic sentiment. He does not at any point engage with such a sensitive subject at all meaningfully.
There is also this gem some pages previously:
1. An attack on part of a given community is an attack on the whole community. An attack on part of society is an attack on the whole of society. No one is free until we are all free.
2. British taxpayer money literally funds genocide. That makes us complicit.
3. In asking about Kashmir or Keighley, Manzoor is literally pointing out how bad the situation is. And asking us to either ignore it altogether or be more emotionally drained and alert to injustice than we already are?
4. Manzoor is a journalist. He better than most of us should understand the interconnectedness of events.
5. Manzoor is a journalist. He better than most of us should understand the impact of press attention (or lack thereof).
6. It is not only Muslims who care, and Muslims don’t just care about other Muslims (a point that was made clearly to him by multiple people in his research). Which leads me to:
7. How do I explain why a person should care about their fellow humans? There are so many humanitarian crises right now. But because they ‘don’t directly affect’ some of us, we should look the other way? Somehow I don’t think Manzoor would believe this so belligerently if he still lived in Pakistan.
I did briefly contemplate looking him up to see if and what he’d said about Palestine post-2023. But I couldn’t bear to read anything more he’d written.
There is a lot of cognitive dissonance in this book generally. He primarily faults marginalised communities. He wants a united society but for everyone to ignore war crimes. On the subject of gender and specifically the niqab, he seeks out women who wear it to better understand them and their experiences. Following the conversation, he acknowledges that while the niqab might make those women stand out in Britain, there are also many other clothing choices and body modifications that do the same thing. And yet immediately after this he says ‘I would still rather’ women didn’t wear niqabs, for a few reasons but in particular because it ‘hinders social integration’. Later in that paragraph he maintains that he supports Muslim women’s rights to choose, just as he supports anyone else’s rights. My dear sir. Too little, too late. What you would ‘rather’ is nothing to do with anything. Another reader might admire your honesty in admitting this, but you have already diluted your expression of support in saying it. Also, this is just another way of attempting to police women’s bodies. Women do not owe you anything. Moreover, as a perspicacious friend pointed out, the majority of people do not wear the niqab, and yet social integration remains a problem. So this argument is fallible. However, later in the book, when a Muslim interviewee expresses extreme distaste for Muslim male clothing, Manzoor finds this objectionable, apparently without any self-awareness.
As for his argument about events not directly impacting given people. When talking about the street grooming gangs whose membership consists predominantly of Pakistani men, he notes that though it has nothing to do with him, he feels uncomfortable because these men share his heritage. So when people are being murdered, no big deal. But where his identity and particularly his masculinity are concerned, somehow now it’s a problem.
There is also this:
It doesn’t help that his general tone and personality in these pages are extremely off-putting. On the one hand he is incredibly naïve. I accept that he wanted to present a more hopeful vision of the future, and I see the value of this. Of course I do. And he does also acknowledge that focusing only on the good comes with the risk of ignoring the bad. Boy does he do this. He constantly puts aside or else simply ignores the problems that complicate his worldview, and if he does mention the bad it’s the things that conveniently align with his worldview. He does not seek to explain subtleties or nuances in any given area. His naivety extends to his parenting. When his biracial 8yo daughter starts talking about how she wished she had white skin, instead of attributing it to racism – which he assumes she has not experienced overtly or even knows the word – he takes it as a personal rejection. In the midst of describing these incidents, he starts talking about how David Goodhart described him as the embodiment of the British Dream in his own book and how wonderful it was. I got whiplash. Maybe sort your parenting out first before inviting readers to flatter you even more.
This self-absorption and complacency is also prevalent throughout the book, and it quickly became tedious. He quotes his childhood poetry (on which I agree with his ‘alleged friend’ that this was self-indulgent). He quotes his diary entries. He also quotes a diary entry written by his daughter when she is 9, the presence and content of which I am suspicious. Compound this with the fact he very much has the tone and expression of a Tory MP – and has, like them, subscribed to the very narrative meant to demonise him and people like him in the hopes of acceptance – and this book very quickly took a steep decline.
It pains me that this is the case. Authors of colour have to fight so much harder to get a seat at the table, and even then they’re only allowed to tell certain stories. So in a way I can see how this came to be. But I truly hoped for so much more. Even worse, the author is a journalist(!!!), and yet displays so little in the way of critical thinking, or even the basic benefits of a job that comes with travel and high levels of social contact.
I read the paperback edition, which has a plethora of quotes on it. Even leaving aside the ones that describe it as ‘entertaining’ and which compare it to a novel (???), I do not understand the other endorsements. I feel like I read a different book entirely. Reading this review back, I do wonder about an alternate version of the book where Manzoor specifically goes out to seek information on the history of Islam that he – and so many of us – are ignorant of. He touches on the Muslim influence within the arts and sciences; I would love to read a comprehensive history of this, and of Muslim queer history too. But what he came up with was a much more confused (and infuriating) piece of work. If you’re looking for a book to explain our current political climate, particularly regarding Muslim and Asian communities and Islamophobia, this is not the one.
Where to even start with this book. There was so much that made me rage that I almost don’t have the energy to write a review. But as a book that examines cultural and religious identity in the context of British politics, it’s important to talk about this. It’s why I finished it rather than set fire to it.
First of all, I will congratulate Manzoor on talking to so many people. Does he sometimes approach women as an afterthought? Sure. Does he get bogged down in quantity over quality in terms of how he uses these interviews? Sure. But it is nevertheless very obviously something that will have taken a lot of time. I can believe it took him over three years to conduct them all.
What I cannot believe is literally the rest of it.
Let’s start with the most fundamental issue I had. Namely, that Manzoor, a British Pakistani Muslim, places the onus to ‘integrate’ almost squarely on British Pakistani Muslims. The reason for this, we discover in the epilogue, is because before writing this book he genuinely believed that Muslims were almost solely to blame for societal division. As baffling as this is for me to comprehend, he’s not exactly the only Brown person to espouse white narratives. One only has to look at British Asian MPs – even a Prime Minister – in recent years. Shabana Mahmood is our Home Secretary. I know Asian people who critique diversity in film as being ‘shoehorned’.
So he’s not unique. What I did find troubling was that despite realising how wrong he was after talking to so many Muslim people (and white people who were radicalised but then after talking to a Muslim realised that Muslims aren’t so bad after all), he still wrote the book as if he continues to place the blame on marginalised communities. Now, I agree that social cohesion and – if we must use this word – integration is a two-way street. There are absolutely problems within Asian and Muslim communities that need to be addressed, and Manzoor explores these. But he over-represents them and elects to ignore the responsibility incumbent on the media and government, not to mention a lack of comprehensive education that includes the real history of minorities in Britain, and the responsibility of white individuals. One gets the sense that as a journalist, he is defensive – there is a moment where he says that he generally finds blaming the media to be lazy. I would argue it is lazy of him to choose to ignore the impact of media just because it (presumably) makes him uncomfortable. Isn’t making a difference precisely the reason why many journalists enter the field?
As a result, then, every encounter he has with a Muslim, whether they are more traditional themselves or whether they combat bigotry with kindness (literally offering members of the EDL cups of tea at one point), is followed up by his asking them what Muslims can do to improve the situation. Danger to their person and property? What can they do. A detrimental effect on their kids? What can they do. I feel that this problematic approach could have been mitigated a lot by some decent editing (I will come back to this subject later). First, to have an introduction that states Manzoor’s position upfront; and then to have the body of the text more balanced where his own assumptions are then countered by ways in which society more broadly can take responsibility for its own Islamophobia and scapegoating.
Another core issue is that this book lacks nuance. Perhaps not surprising given the major bias above, but it extends much deeper and in more insidious ways. A good example of this is his chapter on anti-Semitism. There is absolutely a certain subset of Muslims which is anti-Semitic. I don’t wish to downplay that. However, he then brings in the subject of Israel’s genocide against Palestine. Not that he calls it that, of course. Granted, this book was first published in 2021, but his treatment of the subject goes only as far as saying this is the reason for much anti-Semitism within the community, when Muslims and Jewish people should acknowledge how much they have in common. I mean, sure. But if you’re going to cite this conflict in particular, in – and I cannot stress this enough – a chapter about anti-Semitism, you need to tread carefully. In discussing MPs who were forced to apologise and/or step down for posting supposedly racist content, he makes no distinction between anti-Israel and anti-Semitic sentiment. He does not at any point engage with such a sensitive subject at all meaningfully.
There is also this gem some pages previously:
‘I understand the concept of the ummah – the global Muslim community – but I have never really understood why a young British Muslim should care so deeply about events in Palestine or Syria when they don’t directly affect them. Why not care as much for the plight of Muslims in Kashmir, or Keighley, for that matter?’Let me count the ways in which this is fucked up:
1. An attack on part of a given community is an attack on the whole community. An attack on part of society is an attack on the whole of society. No one is free until we are all free.
2. British taxpayer money literally funds genocide. That makes us complicit.
3. In asking about Kashmir or Keighley, Manzoor is literally pointing out how bad the situation is. And asking us to either ignore it altogether or be more emotionally drained and alert to injustice than we already are?
4. Manzoor is a journalist. He better than most of us should understand the interconnectedness of events.
5. Manzoor is a journalist. He better than most of us should understand the impact of press attention (or lack thereof).
6. It is not only Muslims who care, and Muslims don’t just care about other Muslims (a point that was made clearly to him by multiple people in his research). Which leads me to:
7. How do I explain why a person should care about their fellow humans? There are so many humanitarian crises right now. But because they ‘don’t directly affect’ some of us, we should look the other way? Somehow I don’t think Manzoor would believe this so belligerently if he still lived in Pakistan.
I did briefly contemplate looking him up to see if and what he’d said about Palestine post-2023. But I couldn’t bear to read anything more he’d written.
There is a lot of cognitive dissonance in this book generally. He primarily faults marginalised communities. He wants a united society but for everyone to ignore war crimes. On the subject of gender and specifically the niqab, he seeks out women who wear it to better understand them and their experiences. Following the conversation, he acknowledges that while the niqab might make those women stand out in Britain, there are also many other clothing choices and body modifications that do the same thing. And yet immediately after this he says ‘I would still rather’ women didn’t wear niqabs, for a few reasons but in particular because it ‘hinders social integration’. Later in that paragraph he maintains that he supports Muslim women’s rights to choose, just as he supports anyone else’s rights. My dear sir. Too little, too late. What you would ‘rather’ is nothing to do with anything. Another reader might admire your honesty in admitting this, but you have already diluted your expression of support in saying it. Also, this is just another way of attempting to police women’s bodies. Women do not owe you anything. Moreover, as a perspicacious friend pointed out, the majority of people do not wear the niqab, and yet social integration remains a problem. So this argument is fallible. However, later in the book, when a Muslim interviewee expresses extreme distaste for Muslim male clothing, Manzoor finds this objectionable, apparently without any self-awareness.
As for his argument about events not directly impacting given people. When talking about the street grooming gangs whose membership consists predominantly of Pakistani men, he notes that though it has nothing to do with him, he feels uncomfortable because these men share his heritage. So when people are being murdered, no big deal. But where his identity and particularly his masculinity are concerned, somehow now it’s a problem.
There is also this:
‘I used to think of gay rights as a particular cause, like women’s rights or rights for ethnic minorities, but in recent years I have changed my mind: gay rights just feel like a subset of human rights.’What does this mean? I genuinely have no idea. That women’s and ethnic minority rights are not also human rights? That LGBTQ+ rights don’t need to specifically be advocated for? I am completely baffled. Partly this is to do with the absolute shoddy editing in this book. Paragraph breaks are not utilised appropriately, so sometimes points will get lost mid-paragraph. Interviewees are quoted back to back; one will be introduced, only for us to immediately meet someone else, and we won’t return to the first person for a few pages. Typos and grammatical issues abound. From both a structural and technical point of view, this book is a mess. But Manzoor’s views are also so troubling I can’t help feeling there is an element of . . . something . . . in that quote.
It doesn’t help that his general tone and personality in these pages are extremely off-putting. On the one hand he is incredibly naïve. I accept that he wanted to present a more hopeful vision of the future, and I see the value of this. Of course I do. And he does also acknowledge that focusing only on the good comes with the risk of ignoring the bad. Boy does he do this. He constantly puts aside or else simply ignores the problems that complicate his worldview, and if he does mention the bad it’s the things that conveniently align with his worldview. He does not seek to explain subtleties or nuances in any given area. His naivety extends to his parenting. When his biracial 8yo daughter starts talking about how she wished she had white skin, instead of attributing it to racism – which he assumes she has not experienced overtly or even knows the word – he takes it as a personal rejection. In the midst of describing these incidents, he starts talking about how David Goodhart described him as the embodiment of the British Dream in his own book and how wonderful it was. I got whiplash. Maybe sort your parenting out first before inviting readers to flatter you even more.
This self-absorption and complacency is also prevalent throughout the book, and it quickly became tedious. He quotes his childhood poetry (on which I agree with his ‘alleged friend’ that this was self-indulgent). He quotes his diary entries. He also quotes a diary entry written by his daughter when she is 9, the presence and content of which I am suspicious. Compound this with the fact he very much has the tone and expression of a Tory MP – and has, like them, subscribed to the very narrative meant to demonise him and people like him in the hopes of acceptance – and this book very quickly took a steep decline.
It pains me that this is the case. Authors of colour have to fight so much harder to get a seat at the table, and even then they’re only allowed to tell certain stories. So in a way I can see how this came to be. But I truly hoped for so much more. Even worse, the author is a journalist(!!!), and yet displays so little in the way of critical thinking, or even the basic benefits of a job that comes with travel and high levels of social contact.
I read the paperback edition, which has a plethora of quotes on it. Even leaving aside the ones that describe it as ‘entertaining’ and which compare it to a novel (???), I do not understand the other endorsements. I feel like I read a different book entirely. Reading this review back, I do wonder about an alternate version of the book where Manzoor specifically goes out to seek information on the history of Islam that he – and so many of us – are ignorant of. He touches on the Muslim influence within the arts and sciences; I would love to read a comprehensive history of this, and of Muslim queer history too. But what he came up with was a much more confused (and infuriating) piece of work. If you’re looking for a book to explain our current political climate, particularly regarding Muslim and Asian communities and Islamophobia, this is not the one.
January 17, 2026
4.5 - A reasonably good, honest and balanced take.
September 8, 2024
I found this book very insightful and engaging. Sarfraz Manzoor explored all aspects in an open and honest way, even subjects that were uncomfortable, but he approached fully . It's a book also full of hope and understanding. I feel everyone could benefit from reading this book . I would highly recommend this compelling book.
January 20, 2026
Thoughtful, nuanced and very readable.
February 24, 2024
Subjudul buku ini agak 'misleading', dan, tergantung ekspektasi masing-masing pembaca, bisa jadi semakin tertarik di satu sisi namun juga bisa merasa seakan tertipu di sisi lain. Buku ini tidak berusaha memaparkan persepsi umum dan mispersepsi yang terjadi antara muslim dan non-muslim secara umum, namun spesifik yang terjadi antara komunitas British-Pakistani (muslim) dan White British (non-muslim). Persepsi umum dibahas melalui cara mereka memandang satu sama lain, perbedaan dan persamaan di antara mereka, dan pemikiran mereka dalam memandang 'nilai' yang seharusnya dianut bersama.
Posisi penulis sangat unik, karena lahir di Pakistan, mengalami hal yang jamak terjadi pada dasawarsa 70-an sampai 90-an yaitu ikut diboyong ayahnya yang sudah 'mapan' bekerja, merasakan hidup dalam komunitas yang tersegregasi, namun menjalani proses pendewasaan berdasarkan cara-cara Barat dan menikah dengan White British non-muslim, seorang perempuan asal Skotlandia. Hal-hal tersebut membuat kisah proses pencarian jati diri penulis memiliki ketertarikan tersendiri.
Buku ini adalah tentang kisah nyata berbagai macam orang, terutama laki-laki yang memutuskan merantau ke Britania Raya untuk mencari penghidupan yang lebih baik. Kemudian ada cerita-cerita tentang bagaimana mereka membawa serta istri dan anak-anak mereka dari kampung halaman di Pakistan untuk tinggal bersama di perantauan. Berlanjut juga ada cerita tentang bagaimana secara tidak sadar mereka turut pula membawa budaya lokal Pakistan ke dalam kehidupan perantauan, terutama bagaimana mereka sangat membatasi peran istri dan anak perempuan mereka dalam setiap lini kehidupan, seperti kehidupan sosial dan pendidikan, atas dasar egosentrisme. Di sisi lain, anak laki-laki pun turut terseret budaya lokal yang sama, namun dengan cara menerima 'forced marriage' yang diatur ayah masing-masing.
Secara umum, penulis ingin memahami bagaimana peran komunitas British-Pakistani dalam masyarakat British. Terlihat pula upaya penulis untuk meyakinkan target pembaca, British non-muslim, untuk memahaminya juga. Penulis juga menyimpulkan bahwa diperlukan interaksi yang tulus untuk mengelakkan stereotip dan mengenyahkan berbagai kesalahpahaman.
Posisi penulis sangat unik, karena lahir di Pakistan, mengalami hal yang jamak terjadi pada dasawarsa 70-an sampai 90-an yaitu ikut diboyong ayahnya yang sudah 'mapan' bekerja, merasakan hidup dalam komunitas yang tersegregasi, namun menjalani proses pendewasaan berdasarkan cara-cara Barat dan menikah dengan White British non-muslim, seorang perempuan asal Skotlandia. Hal-hal tersebut membuat kisah proses pencarian jati diri penulis memiliki ketertarikan tersendiri.
Buku ini adalah tentang kisah nyata berbagai macam orang, terutama laki-laki yang memutuskan merantau ke Britania Raya untuk mencari penghidupan yang lebih baik. Kemudian ada cerita-cerita tentang bagaimana mereka membawa serta istri dan anak-anak mereka dari kampung halaman di Pakistan untuk tinggal bersama di perantauan. Berlanjut juga ada cerita tentang bagaimana secara tidak sadar mereka turut pula membawa budaya lokal Pakistan ke dalam kehidupan perantauan, terutama bagaimana mereka sangat membatasi peran istri dan anak perempuan mereka dalam setiap lini kehidupan, seperti kehidupan sosial dan pendidikan, atas dasar egosentrisme. Di sisi lain, anak laki-laki pun turut terseret budaya lokal yang sama, namun dengan cara menerima 'forced marriage' yang diatur ayah masing-masing.
Secara umum, penulis ingin memahami bagaimana peran komunitas British-Pakistani dalam masyarakat British. Terlihat pula upaya penulis untuk meyakinkan target pembaca, British non-muslim, untuk memahaminya juga. Penulis juga menyimpulkan bahwa diperlukan interaksi yang tulus untuk mengelakkan stereotip dan mengenyahkan berbagai kesalahpahaman.
July 28, 2022
I came to this book with eager anticipation. What Muslims and non-Muslims get wrong about each other could be better titled What we can learn about each other that creates new understanding. In such a move the whole (mine) experience would have been different.
This is a book full of stories of individuals and groups and how their experiences attitudes and behaviours are shaped by culture, identity socio-economic power and religion. It could, in some ways, be written about any differing groups of people. This could have been explored more.
This book could be abridged, shortened and more multi media made such that it can become the educational force for good that it could be.
To me, despite the authors best intention, some of the chapters leave you with a sense that the predominant patriarchal power of interpreting Qu'ran in non nuanced ways largely contributes to an external inaccurate representation of Islam. Each chapter, try as it may, leaves me uncomfortable in thinking about the possibility of being able to experience Islam in the positive way it can be.
In the same way that Fundamentlaist Christian Interpretstion of Old Testament would not allow us to wear mixed fabrics this book identifies the power of religion over society. The chapters, on balance, leave you with a sense that a lot of education and a willingness to learn is needed.
At the centre of the book is a theme (not expresses by the author in this language) I would call Belonging and UnBelonging. In every story we are asked to consider loyalties and the price and prize that are required to move on and take a different perspective.
This is a book full of stories of individuals and groups and how their experiences attitudes and behaviours are shaped by culture, identity socio-economic power and religion. It could, in some ways, be written about any differing groups of people. This could have been explored more.
This book could be abridged, shortened and more multi media made such that it can become the educational force for good that it could be.
To me, despite the authors best intention, some of the chapters leave you with a sense that the predominant patriarchal power of interpreting Qu'ran in non nuanced ways largely contributes to an external inaccurate representation of Islam. Each chapter, try as it may, leaves me uncomfortable in thinking about the possibility of being able to experience Islam in the positive way it can be.
In the same way that Fundamentlaist Christian Interpretstion of Old Testament would not allow us to wear mixed fabrics this book identifies the power of religion over society. The chapters, on balance, leave you with a sense that a lot of education and a willingness to learn is needed.
At the centre of the book is a theme (not expresses by the author in this language) I would call Belonging and UnBelonging. In every story we are asked to consider loyalties and the price and prize that are required to move on and take a different perspective.
August 24, 2023
This is very specifically a book about (British-) Pakistani Muslims and white British non-Muslims, their differences, how they view each other, conflicts, similarities, thoughts etc. Written by a Pakistani man who is married to a white English woman and is a father of mixed race children.
The topics were good and the author included lots of real life cases and thoughts and discussions from community members as well as his own experiences and opinions. The titles of the chapters were quite ambitious and slightly misleading maybe as one might get the impression that the author is going to provide good solid answers to the questions included in the titles when the chapters mostly discussed different views and thoughts of different groups and individuals. The author is very honest which I appreciate and will not even attempt to claim he knows the answers to these questions but he definitely thinks the lack of genuine interaction between British-Pakistanis and white British (caused partly by British Pakistanis tending to live in enclaves and of course stereotypes from both sides) is one of the main causes of all sorts of misunderstandings, lack of trust and negative stereotypes between these two groups which is a fair point.
The topics were good and the author included lots of real life cases and thoughts and discussions from community members as well as his own experiences and opinions. The titles of the chapters were quite ambitious and slightly misleading maybe as one might get the impression that the author is going to provide good solid answers to the questions included in the titles when the chapters mostly discussed different views and thoughts of different groups and individuals. The author is very honest which I appreciate and will not even attempt to claim he knows the answers to these questions but he definitely thinks the lack of genuine interaction between British-Pakistanis and white British (caused partly by British Pakistanis tending to live in enclaves and of course stereotypes from both sides) is one of the main causes of all sorts of misunderstandings, lack of trust and negative stereotypes between these two groups which is a fair point.
October 3, 2023
Comments to follow
October 30, 2021
Apart from some distracting out of place words and typos, my major problem and gripe with this book is that the very people who most need to read it, e.g. EDL/Tommy Robinson supporters and many Muslims, never, ever will.
Which is a great pity; because Manzoor, after 3 years of conducting interviews with Muslims from all backgrounds, demonstrates what I suspect a lot of us already knew: that all of us, in striking ways, have a lot more in common than we realise. The same worries and concerns, commitment to family, and so on.
One of the dangers on both sides is seeing the 'other' as a homogenous group who all think alike, and not as a group made up of individuals with different opinions. Manzoor also drives home the point that so many of the things that non-Muslims find abhorrent/negative about Islam have absolutely no basis in the religion, but rather originate in Pakistani culture. Much the same, of course, can be said about Christianity and Judaism!
Overall, the book's message is that the different communities desperately need to start and *continue* talking with each other in order to dispel misconceptions, learn more about each other, and build relationships. Manzoor feels that there is much hope for the future if this attitude of willingness to communicate is encouraged: to paraphrase the words of the late Jo Cox MP, "there is much more that unites us than divides us."
Which is a great pity; because Manzoor, after 3 years of conducting interviews with Muslims from all backgrounds, demonstrates what I suspect a lot of us already knew: that all of us, in striking ways, have a lot more in common than we realise. The same worries and concerns, commitment to family, and so on.
One of the dangers on both sides is seeing the 'other' as a homogenous group who all think alike, and not as a group made up of individuals with different opinions. Manzoor also drives home the point that so many of the things that non-Muslims find abhorrent/negative about Islam have absolutely no basis in the religion, but rather originate in Pakistani culture. Much the same, of course, can be said about Christianity and Judaism!
Overall, the book's message is that the different communities desperately need to start and *continue* talking with each other in order to dispel misconceptions, learn more about each other, and build relationships. Manzoor feels that there is much hope for the future if this attitude of willingness to communicate is encouraged: to paraphrase the words of the late Jo Cox MP, "there is much more that unites us than divides us."
July 1, 2021
Sarfraz Manzoor grew up in a working-class Pakistani Muslim family in Luton - where he was raised to believe that they were different, they had an alien culture and they would never accept him. They were white people.
In today’s deeply divided Britain we are often told they are different, they have a different culture and values and they will never accept this country. This time they are Muslims.
•
“This book is for anyone who is interested in knowing why we became so divided, and how we might yet become more united”
“... illuminates a path that helps lead from they to us”
•
Eye Opening. Honest. Informative.
Through personal accounts, including the authors own, you are taken through various topics, some quite sensitive, where there can be misunderstandings between Muslims and Non-Muslims. I have been introduced to so much I didn’t know and didn’t realise was happening and I am so grateful to have been further educated in such a clear way and through often emotional stories
•
This would not be my usual type of book to pick up, in all honesty, but I am so glad that I have had the opportunity to read this!
•
Thank you to TandemCollective, the publishers and the author for my copy of this book in return for a review
In today’s deeply divided Britain we are often told they are different, they have a different culture and values and they will never accept this country. This time they are Muslims.
•
“This book is for anyone who is interested in knowing why we became so divided, and how we might yet become more united”
“... illuminates a path that helps lead from they to us”
•
Eye Opening. Honest. Informative.
Through personal accounts, including the authors own, you are taken through various topics, some quite sensitive, where there can be misunderstandings between Muslims and Non-Muslims. I have been introduced to so much I didn’t know and didn’t realise was happening and I am so grateful to have been further educated in such a clear way and through often emotional stories
•
This would not be my usual type of book to pick up, in all honesty, but I am so glad that I have had the opportunity to read this!
•
Thank you to TandemCollective, the publishers and the author for my copy of this book in return for a review
December 28, 2021
As a Brit who moved to Bradford in 1974 (I have met 2 of the people interviewed) I found the book fascinating. The main point he makes is that most Pakistani Muslims in Britain continue to live in "village" communities, and this particularly restricts women.
The book is a serious attempt (by a Pakistani who has overcome the barriers within his own community) to explain why it is so hard for Pakistani Muslims to integrate into British society.
The book should be widely read by Pakistani Muslims and White British, but it probably won't be.
Manzoor's film "Blinded by the Light" and Adil Ray's sit-com "Citizen Khan" will probably do more to encourage understanding and integration.
The author gave a talk on this book (Oct-2021) at Ilkley Literature Festival, followed by a screening of the film "Blinded by the Light". Although the talk took place in Keighley (a town with a significant Muslim community) there appeared to be only 4 people of South Asian origin in the audience.
The book is a serious attempt (by a Pakistani who has overcome the barriers within his own community) to explain why it is so hard for Pakistani Muslims to integrate into British society.
The book should be widely read by Pakistani Muslims and White British, but it probably won't be.
Manzoor's film "Blinded by the Light" and Adil Ray's sit-com "Citizen Khan" will probably do more to encourage understanding and integration.
The author gave a talk on this book (Oct-2021) at Ilkley Literature Festival, followed by a screening of the film "Blinded by the Light". Although the talk took place in Keighley (a town with a significant Muslim community) there appeared to be only 4 people of South Asian origin in the audience.
September 1, 2024
I purchased this book during the UK 2024 riots, as I thought it was a good time to learn about Islam in the UK. The author is warm and likeable, and shares really insightful perspectives about where misunderstanding’s may occur between Muslims and Westerners. The way the author separates traditional Pakistani culture from Islam is really interesting, as was the content on how negativity the media influence perceptions of it. What really shines through is that judgement and hostility is easier and lazier than the effort it takes to really understand people from another religion and culture.
I couldn’t help but wonder whether unfortunately the author would be seen as a traitor (rather than an inspiration) by many Pakistani Muslims, as he discusses the negatives of this culture (as well as many positives), and has clearly rejected the conservative, traditional aspects of both Pakistani culture, and Islam.
I couldn’t help but wonder whether unfortunately the author would be seen as a traitor (rather than an inspiration) by many Pakistani Muslims, as he discusses the negatives of this culture (as well as many positives), and has clearly rejected the conservative, traditional aspects of both Pakistani culture, and Islam.
November 18, 2021
One of the most honest journeys told of both self discovery and an analysis of race/religion relations. Sarfraz doesn’t shy away from digging into all aspects of thoughts and misconceptions of Muslim people and their faith. Although I have no issues with people practicing their religion there was some pretty eye opening things addressed here which has helped expand my knowledge on migrants and issues they face when coming to a country where they’ll be a minority. It made me realise I’ve not reached out enough to migrants here in Australia and it’s something I will address.
December 3, 2021
The very definition of a "good read". The author is humorous, warm-hearted, witty and intelligent, and this exploration of what it means to be a Pakistani Muslim in 20th and 21st century Britain is truly eye-opening. The author intersperses his narrative and his statistics with humanising accounts from a handful of figures, including himself and his family members at times, and the result makes for a book that feels very true to life and somehow "real". I also like the way that he tackles the most difficult subject matter head on rather than shying away from it.
December 23, 2021
Excellent book on Muslim-non-Muslim relations in Britain. Portions can make for grim reading, but there are rays of genuine hope in there. Manzoor has described himself as “woke with reservations” and expressed disdain in the past for books that bill themselves as teaching white people how not to be racist, so expect something much less preachy nd more down to earth than typical Angry Social Justice Writing (TM). Definitely also read his Greetings From Bury Park memoir and watch Blinded By The Light if you enjoy this book.
January 30, 2022
There are some flaws to this book - it is hard to follow some of the people mentioned at different points throughout the book, for example. And it is easy to say the author is too personal and doesn’t give any clear conclusions, other than we should integrate more. However the numerous stories serve to underline the predominance of grey areas in society, a society ill-served by the us and them polarity of much of the discourse we see, particularly on social media. Ultimately this is an important book on ‘us’ as UK citizens and the value of listening to everyone’s stories.
August 31, 2021
This is a very interesting and personal exploration of the interaction between Muslims and the rest of us living in Britain. Many years ago I recall a census analysis that looked at inter-racial marriages and found that there were far, far less of them between people from Pakistan and Bangladesh and the rest of us and whilst Manzoor maybe hadn't seen that analysis his book goes a long way to explain why that is. He goes into some detail about the pressure he felt he was under to marry someone from his ancestral village, and by interviewing many other South Asian Muslims he finds this is almost a default position for most families. He withstood the pressure and married for love but many of those he talked to had capitulated. Ed Hussain in his book "Among the Mosques" mentions a mother he noticed on a train from London who changed into conservative dress before the train got to Bradford. She explained that the clothes she could wear in London visiting her parents would not be accepted by the Muslim community in Bradford. Manzoor explains how the village traditions of mid last century Punjab are still rife among many Pakistani immigrants to Britain (even though some are in the third generation) because they live in totally separate communities. They live amongst us but not with us. I have had Muslim neighbours, but it was very much a professional suburb and everyone got on, but that is London. He also makes the point that if a Muslim does something wrong the religion is always mentioned by the tabloid press - but they hardly ever have a headline "Christian Man Rapes Girl" or Robs Bank, it is only when a crime is committed by a Muslim that the religion gets mentioned, why? This was a thought provoking book, well written and raises questions that need answering.
January 5, 2023
I made it halfway through before giving up. This is a mix of memoir (Sarfraz's marriage to a white woman) and reportage (talking to women who had escaped the patriarchal constraints of Islam). Very good on the relationship with Jews and on the way terrorists attach themselves to Islam rather than get brainwashed by it. I'm sure I'll come back to it, but I got the point of the book before learning about homosexuality and Britishness.
January 20, 2025
A very personal exploration through the prejudices and barriers between Muslim and Non-Muslim Britons. The stories told throughout the book of people's lives were always interesting, and if one way of breaking down stereotypes is to see people as individuals rather than a homogenous group, then this book is a step in that direction.
August 29, 2021
A very insightful book on cultures and their clash in British society, told with clarity and personal insight - but also with just the right emotional involvement for my tastes. I learned a lot and it made me think more deeply about current issues.
May 16, 2023
A very thought-provoking book. I found it a compelling, optimistic, and intensely personal read. Living in Luton all my life this book answers questions I had when I was growing up that no one around me could answer.
January 13, 2025
Very well researched, lots of detail (too much in parts) and definitely one specific perspective in parts. Many events from the 21st century so far were discussed and unpicked in an interesting way, I just felt it had too many chapters and could have been 100 pages shorter!!
August 28, 2021
Listened on BBC sounds
Super interesting
Super interesting
August 31, 2021
Anecdotal but easy to read and comprehensive.
September 16, 2021
Very powerful and insightful book about the clash of cultures in the UK.
November 7, 2021
I admit I didn't finish this, it was too long for my brain, but what I read was interesting and well written.
A 3 part documentary led by Sarfraz on this topic would be great.
A 3 part documentary led by Sarfraz on this topic would be great.
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