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Raising the Bar: A Lawyer's Memoir
Ruth Rymer passed the bar in 1971, a year before Ruth Bader Ginsburg became general counsel to the ACLU Women’s Rights Project. As a newly minted attorney who had already experienced narcissism at home, Ruth Rymer made it her mission to root out misogyny in her professional life.
In her memoir, Ruth recounts a childhood with her biochemist mom and psychiatrist dad, describing herself as a “child in residence” at their apartment in the Denver psychiatric hospital where her dad served his residency. Later, while traveling with her father, who was providing expert testimony in a murder trial, thirteen-year-old Ruth decided she wanted to be a lawyer because “lawyers get to walk around the courtroom and ask the questions.”
After marriage and three children, Ruth Rymer became an attorney on her fortieth birthday. Ruth’s law career included establishing family law as a certified specialty in California. In 1996, Rymer was awarded a PhD for her study of divorce and the fight of women for their “lives, safety, sanity, and status.”
Raising the Bar: A Lawyer’s Memoir uplifts through the courage and persistence it took to be a pioneer advocate for women’s rights in the second half of the twentieth century.
In her memoir, Ruth recounts a childhood with her biochemist mom and psychiatrist dad, describing herself as a “child in residence” at their apartment in the Denver psychiatric hospital where her dad served his residency. Later, while traveling with her father, who was providing expert testimony in a murder trial, thirteen-year-old Ruth decided she wanted to be a lawyer because “lawyers get to walk around the courtroom and ask the questions.”
After marriage and three children, Ruth Rymer became an attorney on her fortieth birthday. Ruth’s law career included establishing family law as a certified specialty in California. In 1996, Rymer was awarded a PhD for her study of divorce and the fight of women for their “lives, safety, sanity, and status.”
Raising the Bar: A Lawyer’s Memoir uplifts through the courage and persistence it took to be a pioneer advocate for women’s rights in the second half of the twentieth century.
204 pages, Paperback
Published April 5, 2022
21 people want to read
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February 17, 2022
Raising the Bar: A Lawyer’s Memoir
by Ruth Rymer is a fascinating read about a woman who faced adversity in her life, but with courage and perseverance has accomplished a lot during her lifetime and improved the lives of others through her pioneering work focused around family law.
I don’t read a lot of memoirs, but this one sounded like one that I needed to read. Ruth was born Patricia Ruth Rymer. Her mother was a biochemist and her dad a psychiatrist giving her an unusual childhood for the 1930’s and 1940’s. In college, Ruth met Sherwin Miller and the first meeting with her family went well. However, when they found out about his faith and ethnic background, her parents said they would disown her if she married him. They elope and her parents disown her and used their influence in the Denver area to cause problems for them.
Life with Sherwin was difficult. They had agreed that they would alternate years to finish college, but it turned out that Sherwin got his medical degree first and Ruth did not get her law degree until her fortieth birthday in 1971. In between, they had three children and experienced marital difficulties.
Ruth started her own law practice one year after the California Family Law Act of 1970 became law. This law eliminated fault in divorces and had other major changes that affected division of community property and alimony.
Ruth started getting involved in the professional organizations and committees for lawyers. She felt the treatment of women litigants and women attorneys was unacceptable in both San Mateo County and throughout the state of California. Through her professional organizations, she worked to improve this situation. She created committees, joined organizations, and accepted appointments to groups of lawyers who sought equality for women. There was a negative perception of family law by many and she worked tirelessly to get it established as a certified legal specialty and was successful in 1979 when it became the fourth certified legal specialty in California.
Ruth is an unconventional individual with resilience and dedication who put in the hard work to improve not only her life, but the lives of women in society. On her 77th birthday, the Queen’s Bench (San Francisco Women Lawyer’s Club) gave Ruth their Lifetime Achievement Award. I am happy to have gained some insight into the efforts and sacrifices Ruth made on behalf of women and in creating family law as a certified legal specialty. Her strength of character has not only allowed her to overcome personal adversity, but has helped improve the lives of many others.
The book is well organized with sections focused on different parts and times of her life. The memoir also talks about special cases in her career and the exploration of divorce. It is well written and inspiring as well as somewhat sad at times. While social norms were for a working husband and a wife who stayed home with children, Ruth wanted and attained more.
Overall, this story is one of achievement and fighting for what is right. There are moral questions, friendships, professional changes and challenges, issues around diversity and gender, as well as travel, children, grief, and much more. The author delivers an honest narrative that makes readers feel as though the story is being told by a close friend. This caused me to reflect on how family and professional relationships shape our journeys through life.
Stephanie Barko and Ruth Rymer provided a complimentary copy of this novel and the opportunity to read and provide an honest review. Opinions are mine alone and are not biased in any way. The publication date is currently set for April 5, 2022.
I don’t read a lot of memoirs, but this one sounded like one that I needed to read. Ruth was born Patricia Ruth Rymer. Her mother was a biochemist and her dad a psychiatrist giving her an unusual childhood for the 1930’s and 1940’s. In college, Ruth met Sherwin Miller and the first meeting with her family went well. However, when they found out about his faith and ethnic background, her parents said they would disown her if she married him. They elope and her parents disown her and used their influence in the Denver area to cause problems for them.
Life with Sherwin was difficult. They had agreed that they would alternate years to finish college, but it turned out that Sherwin got his medical degree first and Ruth did not get her law degree until her fortieth birthday in 1971. In between, they had three children and experienced marital difficulties.
Ruth started her own law practice one year after the California Family Law Act of 1970 became law. This law eliminated fault in divorces and had other major changes that affected division of community property and alimony.
Ruth started getting involved in the professional organizations and committees for lawyers. She felt the treatment of women litigants and women attorneys was unacceptable in both San Mateo County and throughout the state of California. Through her professional organizations, she worked to improve this situation. She created committees, joined organizations, and accepted appointments to groups of lawyers who sought equality for women. There was a negative perception of family law by many and she worked tirelessly to get it established as a certified legal specialty and was successful in 1979 when it became the fourth certified legal specialty in California.
Ruth is an unconventional individual with resilience and dedication who put in the hard work to improve not only her life, but the lives of women in society. On her 77th birthday, the Queen’s Bench (San Francisco Women Lawyer’s Club) gave Ruth their Lifetime Achievement Award. I am happy to have gained some insight into the efforts and sacrifices Ruth made on behalf of women and in creating family law as a certified legal specialty. Her strength of character has not only allowed her to overcome personal adversity, but has helped improve the lives of many others.
The book is well organized with sections focused on different parts and times of her life. The memoir also talks about special cases in her career and the exploration of divorce. It is well written and inspiring as well as somewhat sad at times. While social norms were for a working husband and a wife who stayed home with children, Ruth wanted and attained more.
Overall, this story is one of achievement and fighting for what is right. There are moral questions, friendships, professional changes and challenges, issues around diversity and gender, as well as travel, children, grief, and much more. The author delivers an honest narrative that makes readers feel as though the story is being told by a close friend. This caused me to reflect on how family and professional relationships shape our journeys through life.
Stephanie Barko and Ruth Rymer provided a complimentary copy of this novel and the opportunity to read and provide an honest review. Opinions are mine alone and are not biased in any way. The publication date is currently set for April 5, 2022.
March 21, 2022
Raising The Bar: A Lawyer’s Memoir by Ruth Rymer was an ambitious and heartfelt account of one woman’s struggles, accomplishments, choices, and discoveries during her life time. It was very well written and quite inspiring. I was moved, frustrated, saddened, and impressed at different stages of Ruth Rymer’s life and career. Unfortunately, there was much that she had to learn to overcome, ignore or fight for over the course of her life. In spite of all of those obstacles and triumphs, Ruth Rymer was truly an inspirational and resilient woman, in my opinion.
Ruth Rymer was born on June 2, 1931. Her parents named her Patricia Ruth Rymer but called her Patsy. She eventually dropped all names related to Patricia and became simply Ruth. As an infant and during her early years of her young life, she and her parents resided at a psychiatric hospital where her father was a young doctor. Although very rare for those times, her mother was earning her PhD in biochemistry. Since both of her parents were consumed and busy with their own personal goals and ambitions, there was little time for them to play an intricate part in her upbringing. For all things considered, she was brought up by outside help. Even when she contracted Scarlet Fever, her parents who were away on a physician’s trip in Europe, chose to allow the Nanny to take charge, rather than return home to take care of their sick child. She was a curious child and thrived on asking questions. During her teenage years, she became more and more inquisitive and started forming opinions about different issues. At about this time, her father had started to become more involved in helping prosecutors determine whether a person on trial was sane or not. As early as age five, she started to go with her parents to courtrooms all over the state of Colorado where her father was asked to testify as an expert witness at murder trials. In my opinion, no child should have been subjected to the gory images and details that were presented at those murder trials but she was. When she was about thirteen years old, she and her parents were invited to the Colorado State Penitentiary as guests of the warden. Her father and the warden were having an animated conversation about the notion of right versus wrong concerning imprisonment and the death penalty.The discussion between the warden and her father piqued her curiosity and she started to ask them questions about what they had been talking about. Her questions were instantly curtailed and deemed inappropriate. By that time, her father had been appointed the acting director of the Colorado Psychopathic Hospital. Fearing her questions would not be looked upon favorably by the warden, her mother took her away from the discussion immediately. It was at that moment, that her mother threatened her with making her sit in the car car all by herself if she did not stop asking questions. She decided at that moment that she would become a lawyer when she grew up. One could say that her upbringing was far from traditional and was quite “peculiar” especially for those times.
The next part of Ruth’s life was equally if not more challenging for her. She had met the man of her dreams and had fallen in love with him. Ruth had originally attended Mills college, an all girls college. When she transferred to University of Colorado she met Sherwin Miller. It was love at first sight. She was studying for a career in music. Sherwin planned to attend medical school and become a doctor. In the 1950’s, most women went to college to find a husband. Ruth strongly believed that she could only marry a man that respected what she wanted for herself. She wanted “a traditional marriage with additional purpose and meaning.” Near the beginning of their relationship, Ruth made it quite clear that she wanted to continue her schooling even after they were married. Sherwin was agreeable to that request but he suggested that they might have to alternate years with one of them working while the other attended school. Unfortunately, Sherwin never made good on that promise but by the time Ruth figured that out she was married and had little choice but to forget her dreams and desires for the time being. Ruth met adversity from a place where she never expected to find it. When Ruth brought Sherwin home to meet her parents, they liked and admired him initially. As soon as they learned that he was Jewish, Ruth’s parents true colors came out. All of a sudden, they disliked Sherwin. They forbid Ruth from having a relationship with him simply because they found out that he was Jewish. Her parents threatened that they would disown her if she married him. Ruth discovered that her parents were anti-Semitic. She could not believe it. I can’t imagine how Ruth must have felt during that time. Every girl looked forward to her wedding day and being able to count on the support of her family during those early years of marriage. Ruth had none of those things. Her parents had denied her those things and went on to try and make her life harder for her over the years. She and Sherwin ended up marrying rather quickly. Ruth became fearful for their lives. She was not sure how far her father might go to try and stop her from marrying Sherwin. They moved to California but Ruth soon discovered that Sherwin was not the man she thought he was. She ended up having a very difficult marriage. During her marriage, she was subjected to Sherwin’s abusive behavior towards her and to the humiliation of his numerous affairs. Probably the worst thing for Ruth was not being able to continue her schooling. Sherwin prioritized that his medical career was more important than anything she had hoped to accomplish. Her life had become unbearable over the years but she had never lost sight of her dreams. She and Sherwin had three children together during their marriage.
At the age of forty, Ruth finally realized her dream. On June 2, 1971, Ruth Rymer passed the bar and was sworn into the California bar during that month. In her own words, “I had prevailed over all the challenges and obstacles that life had thrown in my path. For the first time in my life, I was in charge of my own destiny. I couldn’t have been more excited, thrilled, or triumphant. I WAS A LAWYER!” She started her own practice a year after the Family Law Act became law. Over the years, Ruth became very involved in making family law a respected practice for attorneys. She was always committed to paving the way for women lawyers to be treated as equals to their male counterparts. Ruth fought for women’s rights to secure fair and just outcomes in divorce and other marital issues. Ruth became President of Queen’s Bench in 1976. In addition to her law practice, unending support for female lawyers, Ruth spent approximately seven years “creating, organizing, and managing family law as a certified specialty. That specialty is now over thirty years old and has enjoyed success beyond what any of us imagined possible.” Ruth went on and earned a PhD and wrote her dissertation on “Alimony and Divorce: An Historical-Comparative Study of Gender Conflict”. It took her five years to earn her PhD. Throughout the time it took her to earn her law degree, pass the bar and finally be able to practice law in the state of California, her children lived with Sherwin but she saw them as much as she could. The vacations they shared together were meaningful and enjoyable. In 2008, Ruth was awarded the Lifetime Achievement Award from Queen’s Bench. She was seventy-seven when she was presented with this award.
Ruth Rymer remains a remarkable and inspirational woman. Despite all her challenges, she succeeded in not only fulfilling her dreams of becoming a lawyer but she paved the way for other women attorneys and she changed the way women in general were treated by the judicial system. She was a one of a kind woman, who was a pioneer in her field of law. I am glad that I had the opportunity to learn about her life, her struggles, tragedies, failures and accomplishments. She is truly a woman to admire. I highly recommend Raising the Bar: A Lawyer’s Memoir.
Thank you to Stephanie Barko, Literary Publicist and Ruth Rymer for allowing me to read this incredible memoir in exchange for an honest review. All opinions expressed in this review are completely my own. Publication is set for April 5, 2022.
Ruth Rymer was born on June 2, 1931. Her parents named her Patricia Ruth Rymer but called her Patsy. She eventually dropped all names related to Patricia and became simply Ruth. As an infant and during her early years of her young life, she and her parents resided at a psychiatric hospital where her father was a young doctor. Although very rare for those times, her mother was earning her PhD in biochemistry. Since both of her parents were consumed and busy with their own personal goals and ambitions, there was little time for them to play an intricate part in her upbringing. For all things considered, she was brought up by outside help. Even when she contracted Scarlet Fever, her parents who were away on a physician’s trip in Europe, chose to allow the Nanny to take charge, rather than return home to take care of their sick child. She was a curious child and thrived on asking questions. During her teenage years, she became more and more inquisitive and started forming opinions about different issues. At about this time, her father had started to become more involved in helping prosecutors determine whether a person on trial was sane or not. As early as age five, she started to go with her parents to courtrooms all over the state of Colorado where her father was asked to testify as an expert witness at murder trials. In my opinion, no child should have been subjected to the gory images and details that were presented at those murder trials but she was. When she was about thirteen years old, she and her parents were invited to the Colorado State Penitentiary as guests of the warden. Her father and the warden were having an animated conversation about the notion of right versus wrong concerning imprisonment and the death penalty.The discussion between the warden and her father piqued her curiosity and she started to ask them questions about what they had been talking about. Her questions were instantly curtailed and deemed inappropriate. By that time, her father had been appointed the acting director of the Colorado Psychopathic Hospital. Fearing her questions would not be looked upon favorably by the warden, her mother took her away from the discussion immediately. It was at that moment, that her mother threatened her with making her sit in the car car all by herself if she did not stop asking questions. She decided at that moment that she would become a lawyer when she grew up. One could say that her upbringing was far from traditional and was quite “peculiar” especially for those times.
The next part of Ruth’s life was equally if not more challenging for her. She had met the man of her dreams and had fallen in love with him. Ruth had originally attended Mills college, an all girls college. When she transferred to University of Colorado she met Sherwin Miller. It was love at first sight. She was studying for a career in music. Sherwin planned to attend medical school and become a doctor. In the 1950’s, most women went to college to find a husband. Ruth strongly believed that she could only marry a man that respected what she wanted for herself. She wanted “a traditional marriage with additional purpose and meaning.” Near the beginning of their relationship, Ruth made it quite clear that she wanted to continue her schooling even after they were married. Sherwin was agreeable to that request but he suggested that they might have to alternate years with one of them working while the other attended school. Unfortunately, Sherwin never made good on that promise but by the time Ruth figured that out she was married and had little choice but to forget her dreams and desires for the time being. Ruth met adversity from a place where she never expected to find it. When Ruth brought Sherwin home to meet her parents, they liked and admired him initially. As soon as they learned that he was Jewish, Ruth’s parents true colors came out. All of a sudden, they disliked Sherwin. They forbid Ruth from having a relationship with him simply because they found out that he was Jewish. Her parents threatened that they would disown her if she married him. Ruth discovered that her parents were anti-Semitic. She could not believe it. I can’t imagine how Ruth must have felt during that time. Every girl looked forward to her wedding day and being able to count on the support of her family during those early years of marriage. Ruth had none of those things. Her parents had denied her those things and went on to try and make her life harder for her over the years. She and Sherwin ended up marrying rather quickly. Ruth became fearful for their lives. She was not sure how far her father might go to try and stop her from marrying Sherwin. They moved to California but Ruth soon discovered that Sherwin was not the man she thought he was. She ended up having a very difficult marriage. During her marriage, she was subjected to Sherwin’s abusive behavior towards her and to the humiliation of his numerous affairs. Probably the worst thing for Ruth was not being able to continue her schooling. Sherwin prioritized that his medical career was more important than anything she had hoped to accomplish. Her life had become unbearable over the years but she had never lost sight of her dreams. She and Sherwin had three children together during their marriage.
At the age of forty, Ruth finally realized her dream. On June 2, 1971, Ruth Rymer passed the bar and was sworn into the California bar during that month. In her own words, “I had prevailed over all the challenges and obstacles that life had thrown in my path. For the first time in my life, I was in charge of my own destiny. I couldn’t have been more excited, thrilled, or triumphant. I WAS A LAWYER!” She started her own practice a year after the Family Law Act became law. Over the years, Ruth became very involved in making family law a respected practice for attorneys. She was always committed to paving the way for women lawyers to be treated as equals to their male counterparts. Ruth fought for women’s rights to secure fair and just outcomes in divorce and other marital issues. Ruth became President of Queen’s Bench in 1976. In addition to her law practice, unending support for female lawyers, Ruth spent approximately seven years “creating, organizing, and managing family law as a certified specialty. That specialty is now over thirty years old and has enjoyed success beyond what any of us imagined possible.” Ruth went on and earned a PhD and wrote her dissertation on “Alimony and Divorce: An Historical-Comparative Study of Gender Conflict”. It took her five years to earn her PhD. Throughout the time it took her to earn her law degree, pass the bar and finally be able to practice law in the state of California, her children lived with Sherwin but she saw them as much as she could. The vacations they shared together were meaningful and enjoyable. In 2008, Ruth was awarded the Lifetime Achievement Award from Queen’s Bench. She was seventy-seven when she was presented with this award.
Ruth Rymer remains a remarkable and inspirational woman. Despite all her challenges, she succeeded in not only fulfilling her dreams of becoming a lawyer but she paved the way for other women attorneys and she changed the way women in general were treated by the judicial system. She was a one of a kind woman, who was a pioneer in her field of law. I am glad that I had the opportunity to learn about her life, her struggles, tragedies, failures and accomplishments. She is truly a woman to admire. I highly recommend Raising the Bar: A Lawyer’s Memoir.
Thank you to Stephanie Barko, Literary Publicist and Ruth Rymer for allowing me to read this incredible memoir in exchange for an honest review. All opinions expressed in this review are completely my own. Publication is set for April 5, 2022.
January 4, 2022
Book Review: Raising the Bar, A Lawyer’s Memoir by Ruth Rymer
When the book began, I wondered how the writer would pull out of the situation she found herself in with her parents. It looked bleak and that her strong conviction could be the death of her. I didn’t want to put the book down until I learned the outcome of those tumultuous times and it was becoming obvious a severe break in relations was going to happen but between Ruth and who? I was pulled into her life story immediately.
It was both heartwarming and sad to learn about the next decades with her own family beginning and how she had to stand her ground to reach the level of education she and her husband had both agreed to early on. Reading about some of the trips she took with her family and friends showed the happy times and the memories she made.
Ms. Rymer’s contribution in the field of law and especially around divorce and the California Family Law Act of 1970, helped many families get fair treatment. It wasn’t always the woman who got less favorable treatment. “Bill’s case became my first win, and he taught me that women do not have a monopoly on misery.” Her groundbreaking work wasn’t only with clients but in helping create a lawyer certification in Family Law specialty.
Her life work is inspiring to me, and I highly recommend this memoir for people who want to make an impact in the world but have had to overcome challenges. Ruth’s courage to overcome early in her life and then to be a champion for women and men in Family Law shows her strength of character. “They had misjudged me. After twenty years in the boxing ring, I was not to be pushed aside.” She certainly was not pushed aside.
When the book began, I wondered how the writer would pull out of the situation she found herself in with her parents. It looked bleak and that her strong conviction could be the death of her. I didn’t want to put the book down until I learned the outcome of those tumultuous times and it was becoming obvious a severe break in relations was going to happen but between Ruth and who? I was pulled into her life story immediately.
It was both heartwarming and sad to learn about the next decades with her own family beginning and how she had to stand her ground to reach the level of education she and her husband had both agreed to early on. Reading about some of the trips she took with her family and friends showed the happy times and the memories she made.
Ms. Rymer’s contribution in the field of law and especially around divorce and the California Family Law Act of 1970, helped many families get fair treatment. It wasn’t always the woman who got less favorable treatment. “Bill’s case became my first win, and he taught me that women do not have a monopoly on misery.” Her groundbreaking work wasn’t only with clients but in helping create a lawyer certification in Family Law specialty.
Her life work is inspiring to me, and I highly recommend this memoir for people who want to make an impact in the world but have had to overcome challenges. Ruth’s courage to overcome early in her life and then to be a champion for women and men in Family Law shows her strength of character. “They had misjudged me. After twenty years in the boxing ring, I was not to be pushed aside.” She certainly was not pushed aside.
January 11, 2022
Raising the Bar by Ruth Rymer is both a memoir of the author’s life and a window into the lives of women in the 50s and 60s striving for equality at home and in the workplace. Rymer begins the book with a discussion between herself and her brother about her estrangement from their parents and continues on to chronicle her life from an unusual childhood to marrying a Jewish man her parents did not approve of and struggling through an unhappy marriage, to her achievements as a successful attorney.
When social norms in the 1950s dictated that marriage consisted of a working husband and a wife who stayed at home, Rymer wanted more, “a traditional marriage with additional purpose and meaning.” Still in college, she marries another student and they plan a life together where both of them can finish their education. But as Ruth takes a variety of jobs to support her husband while he is in medical school her own education is put aside and their relationship quickly deteriorates. Her determination enables Rymer to press on, taking correspondence courses, getting her B.A., being admitted to law school, and finally becoming a lawyer at the age of 40.
Throughout the book, Rymer shares her own experiences with antisemitism, misogyny, open marriage and divorce. Rymer’s dedication to the legal profession and the practice of family law is obvious. Raising the Bar contains thoughtful explanations of legal procedure, as well as California’s Family Law Act and how it transformed lives. There are also long sections exploring the history of divorce and describing some of her own cases where she worked tirelessly for the rights of her clients. “More complicated than the issue of divorce itself was the issue of how a woman who married in good faith and was tossed out by her husband in midlife would care for herself. That issue remains unresolved today.”
Raising the Bar’s simple narrative style make it an easy read and I found myself quickly drawn in to the story and time period. However, the book’s structure is a little unbalanced; under 200 pages, Raising the Bar is composed of many very short chapters that end abruptly and disrupt its flow. Overall though, Raising the Bar: A Lawyer’s Memoir, is both enjoyable and worthwhile.
When social norms in the 1950s dictated that marriage consisted of a working husband and a wife who stayed at home, Rymer wanted more, “a traditional marriage with additional purpose and meaning.” Still in college, she marries another student and they plan a life together where both of them can finish their education. But as Ruth takes a variety of jobs to support her husband while he is in medical school her own education is put aside and their relationship quickly deteriorates. Her determination enables Rymer to press on, taking correspondence courses, getting her B.A., being admitted to law school, and finally becoming a lawyer at the age of 40.
Throughout the book, Rymer shares her own experiences with antisemitism, misogyny, open marriage and divorce. Rymer’s dedication to the legal profession and the practice of family law is obvious. Raising the Bar contains thoughtful explanations of legal procedure, as well as California’s Family Law Act and how it transformed lives. There are also long sections exploring the history of divorce and describing some of her own cases where she worked tirelessly for the rights of her clients. “More complicated than the issue of divorce itself was the issue of how a woman who married in good faith and was tossed out by her husband in midlife would care for herself. That issue remains unresolved today.”
Raising the Bar’s simple narrative style make it an easy read and I found myself quickly drawn in to the story and time period. However, the book’s structure is a little unbalanced; under 200 pages, Raising the Bar is composed of many very short chapters that end abruptly and disrupt its flow. Overall though, Raising the Bar: A Lawyer’s Memoir, is both enjoyable and worthwhile.
February 15, 2022
If you have any level of curiosity about the history and evolution of family law this book is a good place to start because the duality of the storylines allows you to easily separate the facts from feelings. I have my full review on my blog
January 19, 2022
Raising the Bar: A Lawyer’s Memoir
Ruth Rymer
Review by Barbara Bamberger Scott
In this dynamic autobiography, Ruth Rymer’s deep longing for independence and recognition is gradually transmuted into her abilities as a lawyer. While in college studying music in the 1950s, Rymer envisioned for herself a typical female existence – she might enjoy a career until she married, when it would become a mere sideline to staying at home and raising children while her husband would go to the office and bring home the paycheck. Such was the thinking in that era. When she met Sherwin Miller and fell happily in love, wedding bells were ringing in their future until her parents learned that Sherwin was Jewish.
Their reaction, especially that of her coldly dictatorial father, was sudden, almost violent. He issued threats of utter rejection if she were to marry a man who, simply by his implied race and religion, might sully his own chances of success in life. But Rymer did marry Sherwin, a medical student whose education and career naturally overshadowed hers.
Eventually Sherwin would prove as narcissistic and domineering as Ruth’s father. When the swinging 1960s rolled in, Rymer would find herself betrayed multiple times by Sherwin, but able to pursue – at last – her own ambition to become a lawyer, fulfilling the sense of personal pride and accomplishment that she secretly longed for.
Rymer’s story is told in simple terms, expressing the sorrows, joys, and frustrations with which any female can readily identify, proving that in addition to her erudition and numerous achievements and honors, she knows how to spin a good yarn. She depicts not only the alienation from family that gave her such pain as a young woman, but also a reconciliation in later years with her mother, her dedication to helping less privileged persons, especially those embroiled in marital conflict, and her deep loyalty and support of her children. That love is felt most poignantly at the death of her second son, described in emotive language that brings this sort of tragedy to the minds and hearts of all loving parents.
Rymer avers that of all the qualities she could have adopted in the conflicts she experienced, she chose not rebellion, but resilience. In 2008, she was awarded a Lifetime Achievement Award from the Queen’s Bench Bar Association, which, like the author, seeks to enhance and enhearten the path of women in the realm of jurisprudence. Now in her older and even wiser years, Rymer offers this memoir for her family, for anyone approaching a legal career, and especially for ambitiously striving women of any age and clime.
Ruth Rymer
Review by Barbara Bamberger Scott
In this dynamic autobiography, Ruth Rymer’s deep longing for independence and recognition is gradually transmuted into her abilities as a lawyer. While in college studying music in the 1950s, Rymer envisioned for herself a typical female existence – she might enjoy a career until she married, when it would become a mere sideline to staying at home and raising children while her husband would go to the office and bring home the paycheck. Such was the thinking in that era. When she met Sherwin Miller and fell happily in love, wedding bells were ringing in their future until her parents learned that Sherwin was Jewish.
Their reaction, especially that of her coldly dictatorial father, was sudden, almost violent. He issued threats of utter rejection if she were to marry a man who, simply by his implied race and religion, might sully his own chances of success in life. But Rymer did marry Sherwin, a medical student whose education and career naturally overshadowed hers.
Eventually Sherwin would prove as narcissistic and domineering as Ruth’s father. When the swinging 1960s rolled in, Rymer would find herself betrayed multiple times by Sherwin, but able to pursue – at last – her own ambition to become a lawyer, fulfilling the sense of personal pride and accomplishment that she secretly longed for.
Rymer’s story is told in simple terms, expressing the sorrows, joys, and frustrations with which any female can readily identify, proving that in addition to her erudition and numerous achievements and honors, she knows how to spin a good yarn. She depicts not only the alienation from family that gave her such pain as a young woman, but also a reconciliation in later years with her mother, her dedication to helping less privileged persons, especially those embroiled in marital conflict, and her deep loyalty and support of her children. That love is felt most poignantly at the death of her second son, described in emotive language that brings this sort of tragedy to the minds and hearts of all loving parents.
Rymer avers that of all the qualities she could have adopted in the conflicts she experienced, she chose not rebellion, but resilience. In 2008, she was awarded a Lifetime Achievement Award from the Queen’s Bench Bar Association, which, like the author, seeks to enhance and enhearten the path of women in the realm of jurisprudence. Now in her older and even wiser years, Rymer offers this memoir for her family, for anyone approaching a legal career, and especially for ambitiously striving women of any age and clime.
February 23, 2022
RAISING THE BAR: A Lawyer’s Memoir
Written by Ruth Rymer and Reviewed by B. Lynn Goodwin
ISBN #:978-1662832048
Mill City Press
Helping Women Rise Above Fear
Ruth Rymer has always been a determined woman. Raised by non-demonstrative parents, she decided to become an attorney when she was thirteen. Although she faced all kinds of roadblocks, including the fact that she is a woman, she turned the situation around and chaired the commission that established family law in California. She tells the story of her life, her family, her law career, and other accomplishments and tragedies in Raising the Bar: A Lawyer’s Memoir.
After growing up with intelligent but aloof parents, Rymer passed the bar in 1971, a year before Ruth Bader Ginsburg became general counsel to the ACLU Women’s Rights Project. As a newly minted attorney who had already experienced narcissism at home, Rymer made it her mission to root out misogyny in her professional life. In those days the starting salary for women is $1.65 for men and $1.35 for women, even if they were doing the same job. It could be challenging for a woman to get credit or even open a bank account in some states without a man to sign for her.
After marriage, three children, and a life that did not suit her, Ruth Rymer became an attorney on her fortieth birthday. Her law career included establishing family law as a certified specialty in California, which was a huge boon to women who lived under the thumb of power-hungry men. In 1996, Rymer was awarded a PhD for her study of divorce and the fight of women for their “lives, safety, sanity, and status.” In other words she helped women have the legal tools necessary to succeed in life. Her story is exceptional, and so are her contributions.
Thousands of women still benefit from Rymer’s courage and determination. In clear, direct prose she shows us how to rise above fear, take courage in hand, and become a leader in whatever field you chose. Like so many pioneering women, only her immediate circle would know her story unless she shared it herself. This is primary source material for anyone studying family law, and an excellent example of a woman sharing her truths without embellishment. It’s a good, quick read, especially for women who feel disempowered. Her story will get you back on your feet.
Written by Ruth Rymer and Reviewed by B. Lynn Goodwin
ISBN #:978-1662832048
Mill City Press
Helping Women Rise Above Fear
Ruth Rymer has always been a determined woman. Raised by non-demonstrative parents, she decided to become an attorney when she was thirteen. Although she faced all kinds of roadblocks, including the fact that she is a woman, she turned the situation around and chaired the commission that established family law in California. She tells the story of her life, her family, her law career, and other accomplishments and tragedies in Raising the Bar: A Lawyer’s Memoir.
After growing up with intelligent but aloof parents, Rymer passed the bar in 1971, a year before Ruth Bader Ginsburg became general counsel to the ACLU Women’s Rights Project. As a newly minted attorney who had already experienced narcissism at home, Rymer made it her mission to root out misogyny in her professional life. In those days the starting salary for women is $1.65 for men and $1.35 for women, even if they were doing the same job. It could be challenging for a woman to get credit or even open a bank account in some states without a man to sign for her.
After marriage, three children, and a life that did not suit her, Ruth Rymer became an attorney on her fortieth birthday. Her law career included establishing family law as a certified specialty in California, which was a huge boon to women who lived under the thumb of power-hungry men. In 1996, Rymer was awarded a PhD for her study of divorce and the fight of women for their “lives, safety, sanity, and status.” In other words she helped women have the legal tools necessary to succeed in life. Her story is exceptional, and so are her contributions.
Thousands of women still benefit from Rymer’s courage and determination. In clear, direct prose she shows us how to rise above fear, take courage in hand, and become a leader in whatever field you chose. Like so many pioneering women, only her immediate circle would know her story unless she shared it herself. This is primary source material for anyone studying family law, and an excellent example of a woman sharing her truths without embellishment. It’s a good, quick read, especially for women who feel disempowered. Her story will get you back on your feet.
March 9, 2022
Ruth Rymer's memoir, Raising the Bar: A Lawyer's Memoir, took me by surprise. I anticipated a standard story, but as I read it, I realized Rymer was a rebel.
For a slim volume, a lot of rebellious living is packed in the pages. First, she married a man whom her parents didn't approve because he was Jewish. Her parents were well educated but extremely narrow minded and prejudiced. Rymer chose her husband and became estranged from her family for decades. Secondly, her marriage wasn't quite what she perceived, which took me by surprise. Rymer conformed outwardly to social convention of the day, but she chose to live according to her own convictions.
Becoming a lawyer at 40, Rymer forged new paths for women in California. She described some of her cases and how she handled the rapidly changing landscape pertaining to women and the law. I enjoyed reading how her life coincided with the evolutionary women's movement.
It has never been easy to be a woman, but Rymer's experiences highlight the pivotal juncture women faced in the mid twentieth century. Her memoir provides meaningful dialogue for readers contemplating the fluctuations for women during changing times.
Story Circle Book Reviews thanks Janilyn Kocher for this review.
For a slim volume, a lot of rebellious living is packed in the pages. First, she married a man whom her parents didn't approve because he was Jewish. Her parents were well educated but extremely narrow minded and prejudiced. Rymer chose her husband and became estranged from her family for decades. Secondly, her marriage wasn't quite what she perceived, which took me by surprise. Rymer conformed outwardly to social convention of the day, but she chose to live according to her own convictions.
Becoming a lawyer at 40, Rymer forged new paths for women in California. She described some of her cases and how she handled the rapidly changing landscape pertaining to women and the law. I enjoyed reading how her life coincided with the evolutionary women's movement.
It has never been easy to be a woman, but Rymer's experiences highlight the pivotal juncture women faced in the mid twentieth century. Her memoir provides meaningful dialogue for readers contemplating the fluctuations for women during changing times.
Story Circle Book Reviews thanks Janilyn Kocher for this review.
April 5, 2022
An interesting memoir
What a grand title in Raising The Bar: A Lawyer's Memoir by Ruth Rymer. I haven't read work from this author before, and I enjoyed Rymer's story. The memoirs from Ruth Rymer go through her personal and professional life. She pretty much knew she was going to be a lawyer. She expanded her specialty as a lawyer and received her PhD. She is an advocate and fighter for women. She endured a lot through her life, but a lot of hard work and determination, even loss, she persisted to give power to women, who couldn't do it themselves. Ruth Rymer is one I won't forget. She is an inspiration to women everywhere. This is one memoir you don't want to pass over. Raising The Bar: A Lawyer's Memoir is a definite recommendation by Amy's Bookshelf Reviews. I look forward to reading more titles by this author.
What a grand title in Raising The Bar: A Lawyer's Memoir by Ruth Rymer. I haven't read work from this author before, and I enjoyed Rymer's story. The memoirs from Ruth Rymer go through her personal and professional life. She pretty much knew she was going to be a lawyer. She expanded her specialty as a lawyer and received her PhD. She is an advocate and fighter for women. She endured a lot through her life, but a lot of hard work and determination, even loss, she persisted to give power to women, who couldn't do it themselves. Ruth Rymer is one I won't forget. She is an inspiration to women everywhere. This is one memoir you don't want to pass over. Raising The Bar: A Lawyer's Memoir is a definite recommendation by Amy's Bookshelf Reviews. I look forward to reading more titles by this author.
April 10, 2022
In this dynamic memoir, Ruth Rymer’s deep longing for independence and recognition is gradually transmuted into her abilities as a lawyer. While in college studying music in the 1950s, Rymer envisioned for herself a typical female existence. She might enjoy a career until she gets married, at which point it would become a mere sideline to staying at home and raising children while her husband goes to the office and brings home the paycheck. Such was the thinking in that era.
When Rymer met Sherwin Miller and fell happily in love, wedding bells were ringing in their future until her parents learned that Sherwin was Jewish. Their reaction, especially that of her coldly dictatorial father, was sudden, almost violent. He issued threats of utter rejection if she were to marry a man who, simply by his implied race and religion, might sully his own chances of success in life. But Rymer did marry Sherwin, a medical student whose education and career naturally overshadowed hers.
Eventually Sherwin would prove as narcissistic and domineering as Rymer’s father. When the swinging 1960s rolled in, Rymer would find herself betrayed multiple times by Sherwin, but was finally able to pursue her own ambition to become a lawyer, fulfilling the sense of personal pride and accomplishment for which she secretly longed.
Rymer’s story is told in simple terms, expressing the sorrows, joys and frustrations with which any female can readily identify. This proves that, along with her erudition and numerous achievements and honors, she knows how to spin a good yarn. She depicts not only the alienation from family that gave her such pain as a young woman, but also a reconciliation in later years with her mother, her dedication to helping less privileged people, especially those embroiled in marital conflict, and her deep loyalty and support of her children. That love is felt most poignantly when her second son passes away, which is described in emotive language that brings this sort of tragedy to the minds and hearts of all loving parents.
Rymer avers that of all the qualities she could have adopted in the conflicts she experienced, she chose not rebellion but resilience. In 2008, she was given a Lifetime Achievement Award from the Queen’s Bench Bar Association, which, like her, seeks to enhance and enhearten the path of women in the realm of jurisprudence. Now, in her older and even wiser years, Rymer offers RAISING THE BAR for her family, for anyone approaching a legal career, and for ambitiously striving women of any age and clime.
Reviewed by Barbara Bamberger Scott
When Rymer met Sherwin Miller and fell happily in love, wedding bells were ringing in their future until her parents learned that Sherwin was Jewish. Their reaction, especially that of her coldly dictatorial father, was sudden, almost violent. He issued threats of utter rejection if she were to marry a man who, simply by his implied race and religion, might sully his own chances of success in life. But Rymer did marry Sherwin, a medical student whose education and career naturally overshadowed hers.
Eventually Sherwin would prove as narcissistic and domineering as Rymer’s father. When the swinging 1960s rolled in, Rymer would find herself betrayed multiple times by Sherwin, but was finally able to pursue her own ambition to become a lawyer, fulfilling the sense of personal pride and accomplishment for which she secretly longed.
Rymer’s story is told in simple terms, expressing the sorrows, joys and frustrations with which any female can readily identify. This proves that, along with her erudition and numerous achievements and honors, she knows how to spin a good yarn. She depicts not only the alienation from family that gave her such pain as a young woman, but also a reconciliation in later years with her mother, her dedication to helping less privileged people, especially those embroiled in marital conflict, and her deep loyalty and support of her children. That love is felt most poignantly when her second son passes away, which is described in emotive language that brings this sort of tragedy to the minds and hearts of all loving parents.
Rymer avers that of all the qualities she could have adopted in the conflicts she experienced, she chose not rebellion but resilience. In 2008, she was given a Lifetime Achievement Award from the Queen’s Bench Bar Association, which, like her, seeks to enhance and enhearten the path of women in the realm of jurisprudence. Now, in her older and even wiser years, Rymer offers RAISING THE BAR for her family, for anyone approaching a legal career, and for ambitiously striving women of any age and clime.
Reviewed by Barbara Bamberger Scott
April 7, 2022
Ruth Rymer’s name may not be as recognizable as Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s but her reach in the lives of others is certainly as broad and impactful. All these years after her groundbreaking work men and women across the U.S. benefit greatly from her forward thinking, grit and determination.
Hers was what some might call an unconventional childhood. She lived in an apartment in the Denver Psychiatric hospital with her psychiatrist father and biochemist mother. When she fell in love with a Jewish man, her parents disowned her. When married life presented financial and emotional hardships, she clung to her dreams of becoming a lawyer. Overcoming one seemingly insurmountable set back after another, she never lost sight of her goal.
From the age of thirteen, Ms. Rymer knew she wanted to be a lawyer. Her path was riddled with obstacles, disappointment, and strife but she persisted. She overcame all that life threw at her and made a profound mark in the legal world. At the age of forty, Ms. Rymer finally realized her dream to pass the bar. During her thirty year career she chaired a commission that established family law as a certified specialty in California. She also championed women’s rights throughout her legal career.
In this deeply personal memoir, Rymer shares a glimpse of the social mores of her time and the inequities between male and female colleagues. Her tenacity and resilience are the very essence of who she is and how she accomplished all that she has.
The legacy that she leaves is a life well lived, a remarkable career and groundbreaking advancements in the legal world including “The Family Law Act” and the creation of a certification specialty in family law.
Ms. Rymer lives in Northern California and has two grown children. She has survived the tragic loss of another child. She has been listed seven times by “The Best Lawyers in America.” Raising the Bar is her fourth book.
Hers was what some might call an unconventional childhood. She lived in an apartment in the Denver Psychiatric hospital with her psychiatrist father and biochemist mother. When she fell in love with a Jewish man, her parents disowned her. When married life presented financial and emotional hardships, she clung to her dreams of becoming a lawyer. Overcoming one seemingly insurmountable set back after another, she never lost sight of her goal.
From the age of thirteen, Ms. Rymer knew she wanted to be a lawyer. Her path was riddled with obstacles, disappointment, and strife but she persisted. She overcame all that life threw at her and made a profound mark in the legal world. At the age of forty, Ms. Rymer finally realized her dream to pass the bar. During her thirty year career she chaired a commission that established family law as a certified specialty in California. She also championed women’s rights throughout her legal career.
In this deeply personal memoir, Rymer shares a glimpse of the social mores of her time and the inequities between male and female colleagues. Her tenacity and resilience are the very essence of who she is and how she accomplished all that she has.
The legacy that she leaves is a life well lived, a remarkable career and groundbreaking advancements in the legal world including “The Family Law Act” and the creation of a certification specialty in family law.
Ms. Rymer lives in Northern California and has two grown children. She has survived the tragic loss of another child. She has been listed seven times by “The Best Lawyers in America.” Raising the Bar is her fourth book.
February 19, 2022
Raising the Bar Review
In her lawyer’s memoir Ruth Rymer describes her life’s struggles as being in a boxing ring both personally and professionally.
Her early family life involved fights before her first marriage, fights while raising three children with a husband who was unfaithful and emotionally abusive, and fights in successive marriages.
Her life’s work—a long arduous fight as an attorney--made family law a respectable practice in California while she became an advocate for women’s rights in the latter part of the twentieth century.
She attributes her successes to her resilience in overcoming challenges, which helped her achieve “the goal of freeing women from a legal system that prevented us from becoming our true selves.“
This woman reader of Ruth’s memoir thanks her for putting on the gloves and winning many of the fights. I enthusiastically recommend her book. Her compelling story reminds us, who benefitted from her accomplishments, to jump in the ring and fight on.
In her lawyer’s memoir Ruth Rymer describes her life’s struggles as being in a boxing ring both personally and professionally.
Her early family life involved fights before her first marriage, fights while raising three children with a husband who was unfaithful and emotionally abusive, and fights in successive marriages.
Her life’s work—a long arduous fight as an attorney--made family law a respectable practice in California while she became an advocate for women’s rights in the latter part of the twentieth century.
She attributes her successes to her resilience in overcoming challenges, which helped her achieve “the goal of freeing women from a legal system that prevented us from becoming our true selves.“
This woman reader of Ruth’s memoir thanks her for putting on the gloves and winning many of the fights. I enthusiastically recommend her book. Her compelling story reminds us, who benefitted from her accomplishments, to jump in the ring and fight on.
March 8, 2022
In transitional times, leaders emerge from unlikely circumstances. These individuals have a special skill set forged from a combination of hard work, determination, and extraordinary life experiences, who become the trailblazers for those who follow. One such leader is Ruth Rymer as told in her memoir, “Raising the Bar”.
The formative part of Ruth’s journey is bookended by educated parents and their prejudices, and later the changing character of marital arrangements in her time. Women sought fulfilling careers that were restrained by traditional expectations - the husband’s career comes first and the working wife still has the house and children to manage. In time, Ruth boldly claims her right to pursue a law degree. Guided in part by her personal experiences, she chooses to “raise the bar” with family law.
Knowing that women’s claim to equal status in society must be supported by a legal framework, Ruth Rymer helped lead the way in making this possible. Her journey is at once recognizable by working men and women, an honest tale of loss and choices made on the way, and a testament to the personal courage it takes to lead in transitional times.
The formative part of Ruth’s journey is bookended by educated parents and their prejudices, and later the changing character of marital arrangements in her time. Women sought fulfilling careers that were restrained by traditional expectations - the husband’s career comes first and the working wife still has the house and children to manage. In time, Ruth boldly claims her right to pursue a law degree. Guided in part by her personal experiences, she chooses to “raise the bar” with family law.
Knowing that women’s claim to equal status in society must be supported by a legal framework, Ruth Rymer helped lead the way in making this possible. Her journey is at once recognizable by working men and women, an honest tale of loss and choices made on the way, and a testament to the personal courage it takes to lead in transitional times.
January 25, 2022
Raising the Bar: A Lawyer’s Memoir captured my attention and carried it to the end. Ruth Rymer’s journey reminded me of something said to me once: “It’s not that your dreams can’t come true. But you can’t have them all at once in the time and place you’re trying to make them happen.” Ruth’s story demonstrates the very real struggles of women trying to balance personal and professional needs and desires with societal norms of that time period, family expectations, and spousal demands. This can be a messy and distressing task necessitating perseverance, strength, and creative problem solving.
I read with interest how Ruth viewed and valued family life, but also learned to honor her desires and drives to complete her education and succeed in a formidable legal career. Her role as an advocate for women’s rights in California brought meaning and joy to her life, as did developing interesting associations and avocations, raising three children, traveling the world, and forming long standing friendships and associations. Her story is filled with dilemmas of diversity and moral questions I found fascinating. No life is without pain, and Ruth laid bare some of hers, but the focus of Raising the Bar: A Lawyer’s Memoir is triumph.
I read with interest how Ruth viewed and valued family life, but also learned to honor her desires and drives to complete her education and succeed in a formidable legal career. Her role as an advocate for women’s rights in California brought meaning and joy to her life, as did developing interesting associations and avocations, raising three children, traveling the world, and forming long standing friendships and associations. Her story is filled with dilemmas of diversity and moral questions I found fascinating. No life is without pain, and Ruth laid bare some of hers, but the focus of Raising the Bar: A Lawyer’s Memoir is triumph.
March 10, 2022
From page one this book is definitely a page turner. She had gone through an amazingly large variety of both sad and happy moments in her lifetime. Ruth is a very strong woman and surely a role model for others. The language used in this book is easy to understand, especially the legal description sections. I'm especially grateful that her children remained in close contact with her even though their earlier years surely could have led to totally different outcomes. All in all this book is a must read for every girl or woman struggling with what life throws at them. Loved reading it and felt Ruth's presence from start to finish.
March 3, 2022
In Raising the Bar , Ruth Rymer reveals a life quintessentially as complex, rewarding, and demanding as it can get. In so doing, we read what it is to make a decision and stick to it no matter what. From marrying a man for whom her parents will disown her, to fighting like she'd never had to fight before in order to get a law degree, Rymer demonstrates the rewards and the setbacks in equal measure. With the balanced portrayal given in Raising the Bar, Rymer paints a reality demonstrative of the doubled-up efforts the women of previous generations were forced to apply if they desired success where only men trod.
Rymer made a lot of decisions in her life and makes no secret about them in this memoir. She also makes no attempt to camouflage any negative results for her choices; after all, this memoir is about deciding something and seeing it through. Reading of Rymer's personal triumphs, along with what doesn't work out, cinched my involvement in the story and kept me engaged.
Rymer was instrumental in facing up to the sexism and misogynistic attitudes in the legal system in California on all fronts, from defendants to plaintiffs to attorneys. When Family Law became a legal specialty, it was Rymer's tireless work, her endless fighting for it, which made it possible. I enjoyed reading about the legal cases Rymer was involved with, as well as the struggles she fought against in order to make women equal to men under the law. Bravo!
In 2008 Rymer was awarded a much deserved lifetime achievement award from The Queen's Bench Bar Association. I recommend Raising the Bar to all who would like to learn more about the legal system and especially to those who take their rights for granted, as the struggle to gain them was real – this book illustrates the decisive actions of one of the people who was instrumental in winning them for us.
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