Never Will I Die

by Tobias Gutteridge

There's no pain, no theatrical agony. No screaming, no shouting. The kill shot is catastrophic and conclusive. I slump silently on to my knees and topple forward, head first, into the dirt. The lads have seen enough death to assume mine is instantaneous. The lights are out. That's him gone. Toby Gutteridge was only 24 when he was shot through the neck while operating behind enemy lines in Afghanistan. He survived despite not breathing for at least 20 minutes. Back in the UK, doctors recommended that his life support machine be switched off, but with the defiant spirit that would define his recovery, Toby pulled through. Now quadriplegic, capable of movement only with his head, Toby has rebuilt his life. His is an extraordinary story of survival against overwhelming odds, and of the power of the human spirit to overcome extreme adversity. Brutally honest and authentic, he builds a compelling picture of the type of person produced by the Special Forces system, and tells of how one split second changed the course of his life forever. Powerful and inspiring, Never Will I Die is a universal story about our search for purpose, and explores what extreme experience teaches us about what truly matters.

304 pages, Paperback

Published August 11, 2023

Reviews

[CK Yau · Rating 5 out of 5]

p. 218
"I believe bravery underpins basic human qualities which are so easily overlooked in today's crazy, fractured world. You have to be brave to be honest, fair or unselfish. You have to be brave to stand up for what you believe in, to show compassion and, occasionally, contrition. You have to be brave to set your sights high, beyond what you are told is possible."

p. 222
from Nelson Mandela: "I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear."

[V. Sapna Sharma · Rating 5 out of 5]

There exists no greater marvel than this amazing write up. With each successive chapter, I found myself fervently hoping, fingers tightly crossed, that the narrative’s conclusion might be delayed indefinitely, for my desire to continue immersing myself in your journey, Toby, and the formidable challenges you faced, only grew stronger. Your resolute spirit and unwavering attitude have captivated me to such an extent that I yearn for the tale to persist far beyond its inevitable end.

[June · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an inspirational true soldier!!
The most inspirational book I have ever read. All I can say is wow!

[Jimmy Wangdi · Rating 4 out of 5]

‘There’s no pain, no theatrical agony. No screaming, no shouting. The kill shot is catastrophic and conclusive. I slump silently on to my knees and topple forward, head first, into the dirt. The lads have seen enough death to assume mine is instantaneous. The lights are out. That's him gone.’

A few lines in and I was hooked. Toby Gutteridge may be physically paralysed, but his mind certainly isn’t. This puts the last military memoir I read ‘The Junior Officer’s Reading Club’ a little to shame. Both reflect on the bonds formed with fellow soldiers and cover much of the same time period; they actually intersect with the Royal Marines taking over from the Grenadier Guards at Inkerman. However, whilst they are similar, in that they contain a retelling of combat experience and some harrowing details of just what it is like to be in that situation, Never Will I Die is full of none of the bravado and effected thirst for blood that is in JORC, and all of the humanity and brutal honesty of war. Perhaps it would be different if Gutteridge had not sustained the injuries he did, perhaps his outlook would be different, but I suspect not.

This is an extraordinary and inspirational story of a man who has overcome truly overwhelming odds to rebuild his life. However, it is not just his tenacity in the face of his situation following his injury that should be admired. His sheer determination and incredible thirst for life throughout his time in the marines, then latterly the SBS, and especially that following his injury is something we should all aspire to.

Furthermore, his empathy for his fellow patients when he himself was at his lowest ebb is an example we should all strive to. We should all aim to see the person, not the illness, and try to find a way through the awkwardness and sympathy, to truly connect. His experience with secondary school students is emblematic of what can happen when others follow this example. Once the awkwardness was gone and the students had lost their self consciousness, they could all share in ‘laughter and affinity,’ both getting something out of the shared human experience. ‘If I empowered and intrigued them with my stories, they returned the favour by reminding me what it was like to attack life, as opposed to being overwhelmed by it.’

Gutteridge was a marine, and then in the SBS, not the army, so I hope it won’t offend him for me to say this, but (joking aside) the British army’s values and standards of courage, discipline, respect for others, integrity, loyalty and selfless commitment could not be more represented in a single person. 'Courage doesn't scream and shout. It just says that in the morning I am going to try again.’ His warrior mindset is inspiring, and his story is not one I will forget.

I think it is also important to note the contribution of Michael Calvin to this book. Together, he and Gutteridge have produced not only a retelling of an incredible story, but also an engaging read. If I had one critique, the last few chapters could have been consolidated a little, but in the grand scheme that doesn’t take away from the overall product. This isn’t just a book for those with an interest or ties to the military, there are life lessons that everyone can take from Gutteridge’s story, and as such I would wholeheartedly recommend this.