12 Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety: Getting Your Recovery Unstuck

by Allen Berger

Be honest. Few days go by where you don’t find your sense of balance thrown off by what someone said about you, how a meeting went, what your social media contacts are doing, how your fortune changed during the day, or your fears about coming events. Most of us face this kind of anxiety, sadness, worry—call it what you will—every day of the week. Most of the times, these things seem minor, but they nibble at us, like so many paper cuts, building up and diminishing our lives. There is a solution, uncovered 70 years ago by Bill Wilson, known around the world as Bill W., a founder of the Alcoholics Anonymous 12-step program of recovery. The solution is a practice called emotional sobriety. The thing is, Bill W.’s discovery is NOT just for people who are recovering from addiction. It’s for everyone. Bill W., long in recovery from alcoholism, sought a solution for his continued chronic bouts of deep depression. He realized that his long-term problems occurred, in part, because his sense of self, wholeness, and well-being was completely dependent on external events. Yes, his personal value was determined by what happened to him, by how others treated him, and by what others thought of him. If people liked Bill, great. If not, he was knocked out of whack. Bill W. found his solution in the concept of emotional sobriety, essentially the practice of learning not to try to control your emotions but rather to understand and moderate your reactions to them. In 12 Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety, psychotherapist Dr. Allen Berger writes simply to explain and expand on this concept, combining wisdom from 12-step programs like Alcoholics Anonymous with long-accepted psychological principles. Through heart-rending stories of profound change, careful explanation, and thoughtful exercises, Dr. Berger guides you to a calmer place—and a better life. Allen Berger, PhD , a popular public speaker and nationally recognized expert on the science of recovery, is the author of 12 Stupid Things That Mess Up Recovery, 12 More Stupid Things That Mess Up Recovery, 12 Smart Things to Do When the Booze and Drugs Are Gone, 12 Hidden Rewards of Making Amends, Love Secrets What Happy Couples Know About Having Great Sex, Deep Intimacy, and a Lasting Connection, and How to Get the Most Out of Group Therapy. Dr. Berger co-hosts a weekly podcast focusing on mental and emotional well-being, and moderates a new virtual support group for people interested in practicing emotional sobriety, a pathway to a calmer life and gentler relationships. Dr. Berger is a psychotherapist with a unique gift for blending and explaining the practice of psychology with the wisdom of 12-Step recovery programs. Dr. Berger, a long-time resident of Los Angeles, California, has recently moved to Philadelphia, where he looks forward to reclaiming the snowy winters of his childhood.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help

311 pages, Paperback

Published June 3, 2021

Reviews

[Christin · Rating 5 out of 5]

a very digestible and memorable read explaining the next step in long term recovery from alcohol and substance abuse: removing emotional dependency from others and the toxic behaviors associated with it. Without this next step, freedoms in sobriety are only half-realized.

[Leeann · Rating 5 out of 5]

Did this book as part of a book study group. Excellent. Highly recommend doing the questions and sentence stems with a trusted partner.

[Garry Pelletier · Rating 5 out of 5]

More to recovery than not just drinking.

As a recovering alcoholic who has been through the process, I found that there’s more to recovery than not just drinking.
Attitude, being grateful, making amends, meetings and sponsorship are so important.
Over the years I have seen AA get watered down. People come to AA meetings not to hear the message of recovery but to complain about their lives.
AA is about recovery from alcohol one day at a time.
New comers think that this is therapy so they bitch, piss and moan about their lives and how terrible their lives are.
Again, this is not therapy. This is recovery from booze.
Your life will get better if you are ready to go to any lengths to get sober.
Surrender and ask God to point you in the right direction.
It only works if you work it. Sometimes quickly sometimes slowly, it will materialize for you if you work for it.

[Dervla Mellerick · Rating 5 out of 5]

wow

A wonderfully insightful book that really helped me discern what is mine and what is not! The questions at the end of the chapters were very thought provoking. I would highly recommend it to anyone on a healing journey

[Timojhen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Innumerable highlights - could see revisiting this often.

Happy I chanced upon this one. Loads of helpful tips, context setting and re-framing ideas. Author has clearly thought long and hard on the concepts presented, including working with others to refine and hone. Great read.

[timothy sprague · Rating 5 out of 5]

Must Read

It's an amazing read. For anyone.
It is very much so aligned to AA type programming, but still benificial for anyone.

[Mary Olivers · Rating 5 out of 5]

working towards emotional sobriety

Helped me to recognize my own lack of emotional sobriety, as well as understanding the roots of the lack of emotional sobriety in my partner.

[Eve · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing insights. I will read this one again.