A Grown-Up's Guide To Kids' Wiring

by Kathleen Edelman

Whether you’re a parent, teacher, coach, grandparent, or the fun uncle in your family, YOU HAVE PROBABLY TRIED TO "FIX" A CHILD. We've all said things like, "He has to calm down." "She has to speak up!" "Why won’t they just do what I tell them to do?" No matter the age or stage, kids are . . . hard. But understanding their wiring might change the way you look at (and speak to) every child that crosses your path from this day forward. Communication expert Kathleen Edelman has spent three decades helping grown-ups make sense of the kids around them. The result? Better behavior, better relationships. In this book and the six videos that go along with it (free on YouTube), she’ll do the same thing for you and the kids in your family, in your classroom, or on your team.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction

342 pages, Paperback

Published July 15, 2021

Reviews

[Kris · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very useful for building and healing relationships, even between adults. Simpler than Myers-Briggs or Enneagram, it's easier and faster to use this to start discussions based on the personalities. I found some of the recommended phrases to say a little condescending, even for kids. But would still recommend.

[Brooke Gray · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ve been going through this book with a group at church and highly recommend for anyone with kids in their lives. It goes though 4 different colors that describe different types of people/kids. Keeping kids in mind that I interact with as read this book, I was able to learn how to better communicate with them by understanding the needs/communication skills of the different colors. All of these resources are on YouTube if you search “kind words are cool” so you don’t necessarily need the book but I’m glad I have it as a resource now!

[Victoria · Rating 5 out of 5]

I inhaled this book. It was a quick read and full of helpful information on the four different temperaments. I read many sections out loud to my husband and we easily knew which were our temperaments and which was our son’s. Of course all three of us have different temperaments. 🤪 I am hopeful that I can start utilizing the language suggestions to help communicate with my son in a more effective way! I am encouraging my husband to read or at least skim through the relevant sections and would recommend this wholeheartedly! Who doesn’t want “every word you speak be a gift to the person you’re speaking to?”

[Celie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I got to hear this author speak recently at a conference and she sparked an interest in me to learn more about the different temperaments for those individuals in my family: Every parent, teacher, coach, etc should read this book! It provides so much insight on how we are wired and how to communicate with those around us.

[Linda Marvin · Rating 5 out of 5]

My daughter in law introduced this book to me and I thought that it sounded interesting. The first 6 chapters have a corresponding YouTube video that highlight 4 adults who each are classified as having one of the 4 temperaments. These adults give us examples of how they react to their own children. The author encourages we adults to use words that build a child’s confidence and to avoid damaging words. This book gives us the information to discover a child’s temperament, to learn their strengths and weaknesses and to change the way we adults communicate to children so that as the author says, “each word should be a gift”.

[Naomi · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don’t care if you live alone in the mountains with 17 cats…read.the.book!
Communication is so vital in life, but it falls short if we aren’t taking the time to communicate in a way that the other person understands. I’ve know this for a long time, but this book really put it in a way that opened my eyes a lot, especially with my kids. Literally everyone could benefit from this book and applying it to all of their relationships.

[Nina · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is about gaining perspective and managing our expectations of others in order to foster stronger, healthier, and happier relationships. It should be mandatory reading for everyone.

While the information is geared towards parents, caregivers, teachers, and coaches, it is applicable to ALL relationships. I’ll be picking this book up again and again to review. I HIGHLY recommend.

[Karen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic book! Really made me think about the words I use with my children, and how it may be affecting them. There were a lot of things I could easily put into action as well

[Lisa C · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic. A book which I will have to refer back to frequently while parenting.

[Chris Gisler · Rating 4 out of 5]

My friend Kelsey recommended this framework to me as a way of understanding and relating to your kids better. This specific book is for children but the author has a book for adults too.

There are so many personality assessments out there. But it was really illuminating to see these 4 “colors” at work in people once you read this. I specifically was encouraged to see my son, whose personality can be quite different from mine, in a new, more charitable way. And I was able to see how MY color as his mom will influence the way I parent HIM as a child of his own color. It also gave practical phrasing for how to draw out the best in your child to speak life to them. Because one approach might work great with a yellow, but would be horrible for a blue.

Of course, we are all so much more than our color, enneagram, or Myers Briggs. But goodness, if we can see each other a little more clearly and get equipped to relate to each other graciously, how would it not be a positive thing?

[Gabriela Burke · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great resource in addition to the free videos she has on YouTube. However, I do think the book is essential. We tried just watching the videos, and completely misread our child’s temperament and didn’t realize it until we read the book. We found this extremely beneficial for understanding our kids’ temperaments, recognizing their innate needs, and starting a conversation for how we need to adjust as parents. The only reason I don’t think this deserves five stars is because the approach and verbiage she encourages you to use with your kids seems unrealistic for families with more than two kids. We felt her methods gave the child too much reign over our parental decision making. But the knowledge has helped us to make our own adjustments and assess our children’s needs through our own prayer and discussion.

[Danielle W · Rating 4 out of 5]

An easy to read book. Really well laid out and organized. Divides people into extroverted vs introverted and people oriented vs task oriented. A really good book if you want specific “here, say this” sort of thing.

Overall nothing really new to me. My favorite parenting book is still “how to talk so little kids will listen”.

In general, parenting books are about the parents; how to talks a step back, evaluate our own expectations, really see our kids for who they are and help them be their best self.

Yellow, Red, Blue, Green

[Mary Lee · Rating 5 out of 5]

Interesting exploration of temperament. Liked the accompanying videos. Helped me understand and know how to respond best to my granddaughters.

[Kimberly Kline · Rating 4 out of 5]

I definitely can see my kids as well as my response in this book, I'm hoping some of the sensors will help me tailor my parenting methods for my two very different go girls.

[Nita · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you are a fan of the temperaments, then this is for you. I am interested in using some of these strategies for making my house more peaceful.

[Coleen · Rating 5 out of 5]

excellent. Loved the QR codes throughout. I listened to this author as a speaker and it really got me turned on to what this book is about and how to apply it to my parenting.

[PATRICIA JEFFREY · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book! I would like to gift it to all parents on their child's 5th birthday (anything earlier than that may be irrelevant in my opinion).
The concept of the four temperaments have been around for hundreds of years, but I've never read it in such a simple, visual way. It has long lists of descriptions to help you identify your child's naturally-given temperament, and then what words to say to bless, rather than harm, that child.
It helped me identify why one of my children and I seem to butt heads constantly. I'm red -choleric, and she's blue-melancholic. I'm all about order, control, task-oriented, while she's introspective, and feels everything. It was quite eye-opening. You'll find yourself saying, "Yes! That is my child!" or "Yep. Exactly me! Now, I get it!!" If you want to improve the communication with your child, and find what motivates (and also what breaks their spirit), then read it.
It's a fun, easy read, and has QR codes with links to very relevant videos. I highly recommend!

For those concerned, this is NOT a religious-based book.

[Malia Drennan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book! And read several bits aloud to my husband and to my kids. Super helpful information as we navigate life together in relationship with each other. I by no means live by these types of books but rather feel like it could be another tool in my toolkit as I navigate differences and various strengths and weaknesses. Love just thinking about how who I am impacts the way I parent my kids and how I create and cultivate relationships with them. ❤️

[Veronica Montes · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting take on parenting. While it brings a new perspective, I hope parents use pieces of this that might fit their lifestyles. The interviews with parents speaking were a nice element.