Notes:
Hexaflex
+ Psychological flexibility changes the focus from feeling good to living well
+ The six processes redirect our healthy yearnings in effective directions
- Defusion: coherence and understanding
- Self: belonging and connection
- Willingness: to feel
- Presence: orientation
- Values: self-direction and purpose
- Action: competence
+ Six pivots summary
- Defusion: See our thoughts with enough distance that we can choose what we do next, regardless of our mind’s chatter
- Self: Notice the story we’ve constructed of our selves and gain perspective about who we are
- Willingness: Allow ourselves to feel even when the feelings are painful or create a sense of vulnerability
- Presence: Direct attention in an intentional way rather than by mere habit, noticing what is present here and now, inside us and out
- Values: Choose the qualities of being and doing that we want to evolve toward
- Action: Create habits that support these choices
Defusion (p. 163)
+ Three C’s of inflexibility
- Confirmation effect: Following rules even when they don’t fit our experience
“We become so enamored of the rules we tell ourselves to follow that we distort our experience to confirm that the rule is correct… Suppose we’re given the rule that we must not be so dominated by rules. It would not be that useful because we can become ensnared in trying to confirm to ourselves that we’re following that new rule”
- Coherence effect: Simplifying complexity with rules
“Because an accurate assessment of the causes of a situation can be extremely complicated, our minds often end up boiling down our assessments to grossly simplified explanations that fit with what a rule or set of rules tells us… We create stories about ourselves and our lives that block out the discomfort and ambiguity of the true complexity of situations”
- Compliance effect: Following rules to please others
“We follow rules to earn social approval by rule givers”
+ We can freely choose functional coherence over literal/formal coherence (not “is this thought true” but “does this thought serve a meaningful purpose?”)
Self (p. 177)
Willingness (p. 202)
+ Doesn’t necessarily reduce symptoms but does make you less bothered by them
Presence (p. 217)
Values (p. 239)
Action (p. 257)
Typo page 162: “let’s called it” instead of “let’s call it”
Quotes:
Life is a choice between love and fear.
We have not risen to the challenges of being human in the modern world.
[Although research shows the world is becoming safer,] our impression that the world is less safe results from more exposure to uncommon events through the media.
Psychological flexibility allows us to turn toward our discomfort and disquiet in a way that is open, curious, and kind. It’s about looking in a nonjudgmental and compassionate way at the places in ourselves and in our lives where we hurt, because the things that have the power to cause us the most pain are often the things we care about most deeply.
A memory or emotion is not like a hot stove or a lack of food. What makes logical sense for action in the outside world does not necessarily make psychological sense in the world of thoughts and feelings.
Medications can be helpful if they are used to leverage psychosocial methods, with lower doses and shorter durations, but as prescriptions have skyrocketed and medication-only has become the norm, the incidence of mental health problems has risen. What’s more, when people are falsely convinced that they have a “mental disease,” they tend to be more pessimistic that they can do anything on their own to improve their condition, such as through behavior change.
We are connected in consciousness to all of humanity—we belong not because we are special, but because we are human.
Changing our relationship to our thoughts and emotions, rather than trying to change their content, is the key to healing and realizing our true potential.
I saw with sudden clarity that the stories my analytical mind told me about myself were not me: the stories were rather the product of a set of thought processes that were in me.
A wealth of additional research has revealed that CBT generally does not work in the way that was originally postulated, or at least not consistently. Very large and carefully done studies have shown that disputing and trying to change thoughts doesn’t add much to CBT outcomes. In fact, cognitive thought change methods can even subtract from the impact of the behavioral methods, such as encouraging depressed people to become more active, that are still part of CBT! We now know that CBT has good effects mostly due to its behavioral components.
Not only are scores of genes implicated in any given condition, but even so, they account for only a few percentage points of the likelihood of developing a condition… The body has evolved a vast array of “epigenetic” processes—meaning ones that affect the activation of genes and are influenced by our life experiences. Geneticists have long agreed that experiences cannot change genes, and that is still technically correct. But we now know that experiences do significantly determine which genes are allowed to operate in your body.
ACT research has shown that developing psychological flexibility can have powerful effects on the functioning of our genes… Flexibility processes literally alter how genes work.
Yes, it is correct to say that your brain determines your behavior. But it is equally correct to say that your behavior changes your brain.
With relational thinking, we can connect things that have no physical relation to one another and don’t appear together in time and place.
At the end of the day, we are what we do and why we do it. No matter what problems we struggle with—anxiety, depression, negative rumination, self-doubt, chronic pain—they do not have to keep us from acting in a way that brings our lives meaning and purpose.
[The mind can become] totally dominated by the attempt to understand the past (“How did I get here?”) so that you might control the future (“How can I get out?”).
Disappearing into the now is not what we mean by mindfulness—rather it is attention to the now that is flexible, fluid, and voluntary.
The way to fulfillment is living day to day in a way that is meaningful in itself, not primarily as a means to some other end, such as social acceptance or wealth.
We are always story-ing. We are creating a narrative that is but one of many possible narratives.
The research on meditation shows that only about 7 percent of its benefits are determined by the sheer amount of practice. The quality [and consistency] of the practice is more important than the time devoted.
We can easily lose sight of what is actually meaningful to us, pursuing socially compliant goals and superficial gratifications instead. Every tick of the clock can mock us with the emptiness of such a life.
Envisioning a future in which we’ve mastered the new behavior we’re committing to leads us into the competency conundrum: our problem-solving mind wants to get us to that future now, and that fixation on future success and external achievement undercuts the will to stick with the process that builds competence.
Nearly two-thirds of all poor health is due to behavior. Not infections, toxins, or genetic predisposition… Meanwhile, for every dollar spent on healthcare, less than a dime is spent on helping people change their unhealthy behaviors. Physical interventions, such as medications or surgery, are the go-to method for health problems in Western medicine, even though they usually carry their own risks and for some problems have limited effects.
Think of yourself as being a sink and the sources of stress as the taps pouring stress into you. One way to reduce your stress level would be to shut off the taps, but just as effective would be to unplug the drain, letting the stress flow through you.
Changing your thoughts in a given direction means taking their content seriously. You have to notice them and evaluate them in order to try to change them, which may actually strengthen their hold over your mind.
To qualify as a disease, a condition has to have a known originating cause (an etiology), be expressed through known processes (a course), and respond in particular ways to treatment. Mental health conditions don’t meet those criteria. The medical community actually refers to them as syndromes, and they are rather roughly diagnosed through lists of symptoms… Indeed, no clear biological marker has been found for any common mental health condition.
People with psychosis experience intense stigmatization. They tend to be seen as having a brain disease or a genetic flaw that makes them seem profoundly “other.” It is not true. As with all mental health conditions, we do not yet know why people have these hallucinations or delusions, but hearing voices (for example) is not in and of itself crippling any more than chronic pain, or anxiety, or a painful loss. People are people, pure and simple, and a growing body of research suggests that inflexibility processes increase the impact and perhaps even the emergence of hallucinations and delusions.
High-level performance is best pursued not out of fear, judgment, and avoidance, but with mindfulness, commitment, and love.