Damn Shame: A Memoir of Desire, Defiance, and Show Tunes

by David Pevsner

A funny, daring, bawdy and incredibly honest memoir from the anti-ageist, anti-body shaming, pro-sex advocate and erotic provocateur.

Over the course of his 35-year career in show business, David Pevsner has done it all. He’s acted on Broadway, off-Broadway, in independent films and on numerous TV network shows including Grey’s Anatomy, Modern Family and Criminal Minds.

As he continues his career in entertainment, Pevsner has also dedicated himself to exploring his deepest sexual fantasies. In his late 30s he became a mature male escort and over the last several years has attracted a large international fan base through his blog of erotic photographs celebrating nudity and sexuality.

Damn Shame is David Pevsner’s incredible story and is a passionate and poignant look at one man’s journey from a thin, shy boy ashamed of his body and sexuality to a defiant, fearless everyman exploring his erotic desires, everything from leather and S&M to nude/erotic/hardcore modelling. Along the way, he fights back against society’s demonization of gay sex, body shaming and ageism while pursuing his own very personal definition of success and seeking love, validation and self-esteem.

Damn Shame gives a loud and powerful voice to a generation of mature men who have been conditioned to believe from society (and especially younger members of the gay community) that they are sexually irrelevant, old and undesirable. Pevsner’s life story goes in directions that many couldn’t imagine, but the lessons learned through his experiences will resonate with readers of every age.

Genres: Nonfiction, LGBT, Memoir, Gay, Queer, Audiobook

368 pages, Paperback

Published January 11, 2022

Reviews

[Erik · Rating 3 out of 5]

Damn Shame is actor, singer, writer, pornstar, escort, and organizing guru, David Pevsner's, ode to a life of overcoming shame from inside and out.

David was a young boy in suburban Chicago when he first learned to be ashamed of his body and where he also discovered that he was gay. Pevsner would grow up, go to acting school, and proceed to build a career as wide and varied as his delicious nude photographs that pepper this book. Pevsner experiences as an escort and in theater eventually helped him overcome the shame he had internalized as a young child; his is a journey of self-esteem, self-love, and lots and lots of sex.

Damn Shame is a thoroughly enjoyable and fun memoir to read; its perfect for light, humorous summer reading. That being said, though I enjoyed this book, I could not help but feel a subtle yet strong sense that Pevsner is a bit naive. He correctly reflects on the ways in which he has overcome his own bodily shame and, I believe, hopes to help others do this. But in striving for this outcome, Pevsner fails to understand that his ability to come to terms with his sexuality and nude body are premised on the fact that he is a traditionally attractive guy. I'm left wondering if he could have had such a powerful inner transformation if instead of washboard abs he had a little more "paunch." This critique aside, the book is fun and perfect for reading by the pool.

[Steven · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you’ve fantasized about it, David has probably done it! In this collection of lived experiences related to nudity, sexuality, and activism, he challenges the reader to question the assumptions of our culture. And, though some readers may be shocked by his story, I came away with the impression that his individual desires undoubtedly mirror those of countless others.

We’d probably all be a lot better off if we faced our inner conflicts, whichever emotion drives them, as directly as David has faced his feelings of shame.

[Rogier · Rating 4 out of 5]

A heartfelt, charming, and funny memoir about growing up Jewish, life as a hooker - actor - artist, and living in 80/90s Gay NYC and LA. It's about not feeling ashamed to love, have sex if you want to, and being true with yourself. We as queer men should focus more on what's inside, the hotness outside is a bonus. I'll most likely re-read Pevsner's memoir in a few years when I'm in my thirties

[Daniel Askew-Hargreaves · Rating 5 out of 5]

A book I randomly came across and a big lover in reading and LGBTQ+. I picked this up and although seen David before on screen. I had no idea oof the huge impact he had on Hollywood and LGBTQ+ rights and positive body and sexual inclusion. My husband is a big fan of Naked Boys Singing (Sorry David, it was the DVD version). Your memoir really rang true to my own experiences and how I love and dislike my body too.

[Will Allison · Rating 5 out of 5]

Pevsner's memoir is incredibly evocative, erotic and rebellious. The phrase may be cliche, but "age is but a number". Pevsner's experience--on and off the stage and screen, including in online media--is refreshing and liberating, for anyone facing today's world. The back of the book hits it on the head: "a funny, daring, bawdy, and incredibly honest memoir from the anti-ageist, anti-body shaming, pro-sex advocate and erotic provocateur." Pevsner shows how he grows into the incredibly charming, daring, and outspoken man he has become, in comparison to the young man who felt that he had to hide himself from the world. Some photos in the book...*fans face*. The author is brilliant, complex, and challenges the understanding of what a sex symbol means, in body and mind. A must read.

[Josee Proulx · Rating 1 out of 5]

I won this book in a giveaway - I honestly could not finish the book.
I found it disturbing to read about a 12 year old boy dry humping a bed in front of his friend and
ejaculating everywhere. It's bit too graphic and honest for me. I am not a prude - I am all about novels being graphic in the right context but when you're talking about preteens that's where i draw the line. The author doesn't shy away from anything - which i can see would attract a lot of readers. I don't think the book was poorly written - it just wasn't for me.

[blake · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book just wasn’t for me. I typically burn through kindle books, but this took me foreverrr..

I guess it’s that I’m not particularly keen on Pevsner’s writing style, but I really appreciate his charm and candid openness. With that said, this book could’ve been edited down like 150 pages, eliminating some of the chapters that felt more like shameless advertising (pun included) than additions to the overall narrative.

——————————————————————————

“We all have desires, we all have experiences that maybe we’re ashamed of or hold close to the vest or live in fear that someone’s going to find out about, and I’m here to say no. No. These experiences, these desires are part of who you are, and if you squelch them, you’re not living your truth.”

[Kevin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fun, trashy, introspective autobiography from one of my fave male models. And he writes show tunes, that he gets royalties for! Who knew?

[Jays · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm going to start by saying this: "Damn Shame" is not a good book. It is, however, worth reading. First, the unfortunate stuff:

As a memoir, the book pretty much fails for me. My reasoning is this: memoirs tend to do one of two things - they're inside looks to a life that we're curious about and want to understand better or they're polemics, designed to unpack a concept or idea that the author is particularly tied to or related to in some way. Pevsner is trying to both at the same time and the end result is both getting short shrift, though one more than the other.

As an accounting of the life of an actor and artist who has maybe never been "big" but has managed to have a long, full career for more than 40 years in the entertainment industry, the book does a fairly decent job. Your mileage may vary depending on how interested you are in hearing one actor talk about their numerous personal projects, but there is a story there. Likewise, there's a second story about coming to terms with being gay and horny in mid- and late-twentieth century America when you're trying to build a career. Pevsner tells MANY of the stories related to both of these stories, but they're just presented factually, never analyzed or contextualized.

And that's ultimately the problem with Damn Shame as inside-look memoir: It's all surface, no depth. Pevsner has the chops to talk informatively about the life of an entertainer who has worked hard for years without every becoming a big name. There are lessons to glean from that story and insight to be shared, but he never gets to them. The additional layer of coming to terms with his sexuality and his desires is only superficially tied to the rest of the story when it feels like they're more linked than he's acknowledging, particularly given how sex and nudity starts to eventually inform his professional choices. I want to know more about how those two things work together or in opposition, rather than just hear the surface-level story of how one day he decided to do a naked photo shoot.

Finally, the memoir fails as a polemic because it's stated aim - to confront preconceived notions about sexuality and what is attractive and champion "body positivity" - just never materializes in any meaningful way. Pevsner talks at length about the work he had to do to come to terms with his own body and to appreciate himself, but he never transfers that work to anyone else. He chides himself for being so concerned about only being interested in beautiful men in his youth, but never connects the dots for us later - is that still his perspective? Does he still find himself attracted exclusively to conventionally attractive bodies and people? Has he learned anything through appreciating his own body that leads him to appreciate others' bodies that he may not have been open to before? If so, he never mentions it. It leaves the reader wondering if his body positivity crusade is just one that applies to others appreciating him and we're not clear if he applies the same standard to himself. As such, we don't learn much about the topic, which is a waste particularly given how closely tied it is to the theme of shame, the book's overarching motif.

What keeps this book from slipping into two-star category for me is that despite the disconnects between what I think Pevsner is trying to accomplish in his writing and what he actually is accomplishing, in the end he's a pretty decent writer. His voice is strong and he writes with a very breezy, goes down easy kind of style. The best memoirists, to my mind at least, make you feel like you're talking with them when you read their stuff. Pevsner feels warm and approachable; he's telling stories that even if you find them self-indulgent and a little shallow they're engaging. Up until the very end of the book, I kept coming back to it pretty eagerly just because I enjoyed spending time with his voice and it wasn't really until the last 50 pages or so that it began to feel a little thin.

My bottom line is that I'm pretty sure this is not a great memoir, though it feels like a pretty successful one-man show, albeit in prose form.

[Kevin · Rating 3 out of 5]

Pevsner, after being dropped by his commercial and acting agents for erotic photography he's posted to Tumblr despite both of them assuring they would keep him on, goes on a rant about why having erotic or nude content on the internet should even matter. I agree with him; it shouldn't. European cinema (see: Stranger by the Lake) manages to have unsimulated sex acts in legit, critically-adored art films. He mentions Chloe Sevigny and Kerry Fox, both of whom did illicit scenes (in The Brown Bunny and Intimacy, respectively) and managed to have pretty healthy careers afterward. It's an excellent point and one worth delving into, but Pevsner doesn't, really. It's written about in more of a "people are fine with this, how is what I do any different?" sort of way. Answer: intent. Society will look the other way for a leaked sex tape because the subject never intended it to be public. Fox and Sevigny's careers weren't hurt because their work was intended to be taken in the context of a major motion picture. Porn, however artfully done, is still porn. I don't agree with it nor do I think it's fair, but porn is highly stigmatized despite it being, for Pevsner, a means to personal expression and liberation after his formative years were spent being cripplingly shamed by a repressive and homophobic society. It's still porn. Intent doesn't seem to matter, since the result is that someone will look at it and jerk off. Again, I don't agree with this perception, but that's how it is.

I think a book that examined sex work and why it's, for some, a legitimate and fulfilling choice would've been interesting. A lot of Damn Shame touches on why it's legitimate and fulfilling for Pevsner but never really goes beyond that. Understandably, perhaps, because this isn't a textbook for Human Sexuality 101 but Pevsner's own recollections. He spends so much time recounting his career as an escort and erotic/porn model that it maybe would've been a benefit to more thoroughly place this into a larger contemporary and historical context. It's the same for his theatre and screen careers. He's appeared on gigantic hit shows but doesn't actually recount his experience on any of them, nor does he go into how the process (getting an agent, auditioning, getting cast, getting paid, et cetera) works, which feels like something that would be a real benefit in a book about an actor.

Perhaps the biggest problem with a book about body positivity: Pevsner, despite how often he complains about the size of his nose or the size of his ass or his age, is still a very traditionally attractive man. Handsome is handsome. And his biggest body issue was being too skinny as a youth which gets taken care of real quick as an adult when he gets a rather ripped gym body and keeps it, based on current internet evidence, for the next 45 years. He insists his nude/erotic modeling and explicit videos are designed to preach body positivity, but, as with much of the rest of the book, he never really makes it clear how this is supposed to work. The implication appears to be that simply by being a certain age and certain ethnicity, the body positivity is inherent in everything he does, but, again, porn is porn: the people looking at it are just seeing a handsome man doing naughty things.

Despite all my very subjective issues, it's still a funny, compelling book, and Pevsner's stated aims are admirable. I particularly enjoyed the section in which he lands in New York as a young man, embarking on a theatre career and realizing, for the first time in his life, that he's a handsome guy, and is consistently amazed by the fact that people are attracted to him at all. It feels like that journey from repressed youth to free adult with a world of possibility ahead of him could've been Pevsner's first book, followed by a volume about his stage and screen careers, followed by a volume about his escorting, erotic modeling, and "nudie" video career. I think by trying to cover everything at once the individual parts suffer a bit. It's a 3.5, which is a B+ to me, but Goodreads won't let people give half stars.

[Mediaman · Rating 3 out of 5]

A mixed bag of some interesting stories, verbalization of decades of insecurities, and long dull descriptions of music he wrote for shows that few will care about.

He does a good job detailing his life in touring Broadway shows like Fiddler on the Roof, and he throws some people under the bus appropriately like that blowhard Topol! Pevsner then glides through the trashy parts of his career acting as if he was a great success, and I guess he was a semi-big fish in a small gay pond.

At the same time, he had legit acting roles in some of the major TV dramas of the past 20 years, of which he tells us nothing. How can you do major guest shots and include no information about the productions? There are other times he starts telling a story and doesn't finish it, making it unclear why some of what he writes was included in the book.

The problem is with the lack of balance in this book--he often rushes through things that need detail then goes on and on for a couple dozen pages about some stupid show he tried to get produced but didn't! While he likes to boast of his sexually provocative rhymes, as printed here they are pretty weak. At one point a professional friend in the theatrical business says Pevsner's material was "smutty crap" that was "cheap and unfunny." I agree, though it put Pevsner into a short depression that he seemed no trouble recovering from due to his huge ego.

Somehow he seems proud of being a paid prostitute, a paid naked theater performer, a paid nude model, a paid bare waiter, and a paid porn actor. Through it all he claims he was incredibly insecure and always saw himself as an "ugly Jewish boy," no matter how much the gay community admired him or how many big bucks he made. Right. That's why he includes a dozen full frontal nude photos of himself in the book, because he's ashamed?!

The problem was that he actually was getting his self-esteem from showing off his body and letting others use him. yet he failed one-on-one when the clothes went back on. He only has one real relationship and that broke up after Pevsner cheated and lied, so he grew old not having anyone to live with while his body was being admired by thousands.

There are other problems with the book. The title is simply poorly chosen and he unsuccessfully tries to justify it by using the "shame" theme throughout. He also makes some politically incorrect, and at times inaccurate, statements. He uses an entire chapter to make an anti-Christian rant while promoting total sexual freedom; no surprise that this Jewish guy without children has no concept of what it's like to be sensitive about parents not wanting to expose kids to his work. He comes across as bigoted and intolerant, the opposite of the loving, tolerant, pro-representation freedom-fighter that he claims to be.

He claims blaming gay men for the early years of the AIDS epidemic "was wrong on so many levels." Well who are you supposed to blame when most of it in the early days was transmitted from unprotected gay sex by men who knowingly lived recklessly even after they were warned? Of course it was their responsibility in many (not all) cases for making irresponsible choices in the name of sexual freedom--they should accept the blame, just as the author should for his lifestyle that often resulted in his unhappiness. How does he fail to see that connection? Like most modern liberals, David Pevsner needs to learn that bad choices can justifiably result in self-created feelings of shame.

[Jim Nemeth · Rating 2 out of 5]

I couldn’t finish this book. It’s half “Woe is me, here are all my faults”, ad nauseum, and half narcissistic “look at me now, I’m hot, let me tell you about all my various and numerous sexual exploits in graphic detail.”

The hypocrisy throughout the book (up until I quit) bothers me the most. First, he wails how no one would give him second glance when young because of being ‘scrawny,’ big nose, etc., etc. Then when he became “hot,” he could rarely look behind his “types” (handsome, beautiful) when it came to hooking up with someone. Maybe this is addressed somehow in the latter third or so of the book I didn’t read, but…it’s still hypocrisy.

The greatest example this hypocrisy can be found in a quote by the author: “I want all of us to feel good about our physicality and our sexuality, and not ashamed or embarrassed the way so much of society dictates.” The book is even promoted for its “anti-body shaming” quality. Really? Is that why he deliberately spent so much time and effort in his early years to transform his (admittedly ashamed of) “scrawny body” into the muscled physique that he desired in others?

Lastly, the nude photos in the book. Absolutely great body. I'm no prude, so please don’t try to convince us that they’re included here because of pride in one’s body or a “message” to older guys that we can still be sexy. You could have done that without the nudity. These photos are here for one purpose--to sell copies.

Good for Pevsner and how happy and expressive he is with his body and sexual appetite. I’m not suggesting he stop or change who he is one bit.

Admittedly, there is a specific audience for this book and I…am just not that audience.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

I watched the DVD “Musical Comedy Whore!” (It’s on Amazon, also available streaming but they had to change the name to “Musical Comedy Stud! Lol) and it did leave me wanting more, so when I found out David Pevsner had a book coming out, I pre-ordered it. Now I’ll be the first to admit that I do not seem like the target audience for this autobiography. As a cis-hetro woman what could I have in common with a gay man who has explored his sexuality to the nth degree and lays it all out for everyone to see? Turns out, a lot. The beautiful thing about this book is that it is about loving yourself, accepting yourself and not allowing others to impose their views of how you “should” be upon you. Societal pressure is something every one of us struggles with, and David is not immune, his book details his lifelong fight against the pressure to be ashamed of who he is. It is by turns unbearably sad, incredibly funny, highly gossipy and pretty salacious, but ultimately very, very human. If you are the judgmental sort you probably won’t enjoy this (or you may enjoy being shocked by it, whatever floats your boat) but even more reason to read it. If you are open-minded enough not to be more than a little round-eyed at the sometimes very graphic content, then I think you will find your way through that material to a very endearing character on a quest for his own personal truth, and a mission to destroy the feelings of shame for those who follow him.

[Melvin Rodríguez-Rodríguez · Rating 4 out of 5]

I didn't know who Dave Pevsner was before downloading this audiobook, but I enjoy listening to LGBT non-fiction, and this one piqued my interest because of its perspective on male sex work. Well, now I know who Dave Pevsner is, and it was a nice surprise to discover he worked or was behind many projects I was aware of. This is a very honest, raw view into a gay man's battle against his own shame, with relatable experiences to any gay man (first TV crushes, first times) to the more extreme side of the spectrum of sexuality. Pevsner tells it all with candor, sass and that typical gay wit. While I struggled to keep going on a couple of parts, the book was very entertaining and surprising. I was expecting the humor, the puns, the wit, and it was delivered, but there was a lot of sincerity in his telling of his first love and his relationship with his parents, and a lot of pathos in his telling of the days of the AIDS crisis. The topic of escorting and creating erotic content was well explored, and it answered the questions I had going into the book, but another surprise was that this memoir had more to do with musical theater, and it was truly a window into that world. As I always say, a good memoir is judged by the fact that you should end up feeling like a friend told you their story, and from not recognizing his name, to listening to this, I felt like I knew the author.

[Lee Allen Johnson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Found this book by searching my library with keywords "comedy" and "memoir". I read that it would be about a male gigolo, fun! After I started reading it, to my surprise, it's about a "gay" male gigolo. Being a boring straight guy, I still forged on, and the book turned out to be super interesting. I found the male gigolo parts the most fascinating, not for the reasons I originally hoped lol but for a glimpse into a world I will never know. Kinda like why I adored reading Last Black Unicorn, as reading books I can relate to is usually boring. My only complaint is that he didn't talk about the gigolo stuff enough lol it's the hook in the first chapter, then just sprinkled about as he mostly talks about his off-Broadway shows and his first monogamous relationship. I also found it interesting, the contrast between female and male memoirs, how he talks, almost continuously, about having sex, but female memoirs, even by porn actresses, don't. I think it's the whole "male is a sex stud getting laid all the time" and "female is *insert negative words here*". I'd love a memoir written by a woman like how this book was written lol

[Guillermo Barrenechea Quijano · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Because if you are not enjoying the journey, then it is time to start thinking about what you want. You are so talented but if you aren't enjoying it, why are you still here?"

A great story of what many people think and live, but don't dare to talk about: our sexuality (which we all must live, in our own way). Kudos for the way he embraces it, we should all learn that from David. The way it is written makes for an entertaining and quick read, especially for the breaks to show us his songs. I think it's an essential read if you're gay; it has been the first time I've said, from the bottom of my heart, the much-used phrase "Those who do not learn history are doomed to repeat it." Good insight into what it was like to be gay in the time of the AIDS epidemic, and how even if the world does not give you a place of comfort (current parallels), one has to be strong and persevere.

[Ray Quirolgico · Rating 3 out of 5]

This collection of memories reads like a fun extended-time coffee date (or dates): a romp through honest and sometimes hilarious and sometimes heartbreaking stories of a life that is already fully lived told in a breezy way that feels like you are casually and easily getting to know the author. But the poignancy of the lessons learned build up towards the end where art and activism and (self-) advocacy come together in a way that feels encouraging and optimistic and affirming, especially for the time we live in now. Special bonus (for me): the author’s own lyrics are sprinkled throughout the book and each chapter is titled with a musical showtune!

[R.J. Gilmour · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pevsner's autobiography is a light, fun-filled look at the life of an actor who also discovered his own appeal as a sex object. The book maps Pevsner's journey as a geeky Mid-Western Jewish boy to a man who learned to love and accept his own body & sexuality & who then used that body to provide joy for others. While trashy in tone, it is also irreverent & fun, celebrating the sexuality of mature men.

[Steve Milliken · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed David’s book on so many levels. His escort experiences are not only fascinating, but they parallel the lack of acceptance that we as gay men have for each other, as well as ourselves. It’s a treasure trove of philosophy, life lessons, and entertainment, and David is the booty! It was also fantastic he mentions his one act show and I found it on Tubi and was able to see it and continue reading his book concurrently. What a wonderful experience it’s been!

[Ruston Harker · Rating 5 out of 5]

David Pevsner’s Dame Shame is a funny, tender, heartbreaking, and often gasp-worthy read. He doesn’t shy away from sharing his life as an extroverted introvert, actor, model, and activist. While at times graphic and intense, I found reflections of my own journey within its pages. It’s a powerful reminder that we share more similarities than differences. In these strange times, it’s a welcome and resonant read.

[Nicholas Nelson]

What a wonderful memoir!

This queer memoir has David Pevsner fully nude (rhetorically), unapologetically sex-positive, and overall a complete riot!

An expert-level, sex-positive memoir. Not for the faint of heart!

[Wolverinefactor · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was ready to give this a higher rating but the last 30 pages just left a bad taste in my mouth. It just become an ignorant rant and took away from the overall feel of the book until then.

It’s definitely an interesting bio though

[John · Rating 4 out of 5]

A brave, honest, and interesting book. Thank you, Mr. Pevsner.

[M. Lomeli · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. While not a book for everyone as it gets very sexually graphic, I appreciated the heartfelt stories that David shared.

[Cwash1 · Rating 5 out of 5]

READ IT!!!
Funny, eye opening, entertaining, validating.

[Zac Sigler · Rating 4 out of 5]

Charming smut. I love it!

[Scott · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a no hold barred true story. Very raw and honest. Loved it from beginning to end

[Dustin Rollins · Rating 4 out of 5]

I initially picked up this book because it was about an actor who had starred in multiple Broadway shows. I was on a "reading about musical theater kick" at the time, and this seemed like a no-brainer. Seeing this in the LGBTQ section of my local Barnes & Noble was a welcome sight. As I read this book deeper, I began to see how I could relate beyond a love for musical theater. 
You might remember David Pevsner from musical shows like Naked Boys Singing, Fiddler on the Roof, When Pigs Fly, Party or from TV shows like Modern Family and Grey's Anatomy. However, I didn't realize that he is also a theater show writer and has three large works to his name: Naked Boys Singing, Damn Shame, and Most Versatile. 
Layer on top of all that, he is queer and extremely sex-positive, as a nude model, sex worker, and purveyor of all that is sex. Learning that he was an actor on broadway and sex-positive really made me tear through the pages. This memoir focuses on his ascendance to becoming a star on TV and Broadway, as well as his own acceptance of his own identities and sex-positivity, all while living in New York City. 
The book is long - or at least can feel long at times - but the story was worth it. I always have a difficulty rating memoirs because it feels like rating someone's life. As a work of literature, I gave this book 3.5 stars.
If you are into broadway, acting, sex-positivity, and learning to accept your own identity, this book might be for you.

[Jeffrey · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. Loved the themes of gay empowerment and combating ageism, but this could have easily been 100 pages shorter.

[Martin Denton]

This is the autobiography of an actor I've seen several times on stage and actually got to meet once. I was looking forward to getting this book because I am familiar with the author's work and approve wholeheartedly of his crusade against ageism. But unfortunately I didn't find him to be very pleasant company as I read his account of his life. I got through about half the book and then skimmed the rest. It's not badly written at all, and I am sure that there's an audience that will appreciate the book more than I did.