What do you think?
Rate this book
情緒操控：揭開最惡質的煤氣燈效應，拯救自己並重建正常關係的療癒7步驟，脫離欺騙、貶低、洗腦的有毒關係
最可怕的有毒關係、讓你深信自己有病又低微。
煤氣燈效應＝情緒勒索＋精神虐待＋洗腦！
讓專業心理師陪你重建自信、自尊和不一樣的人生。
〈臨床心理師‧洪仲清〉專文推薦！
婚後頻頻出軌，被發現後卻卸責給另一半、毫無悔意？
同事當著你的面裝死，還理直氣壯地說你記錯了？
家人/朋友常常貶低嘲笑你，當你抗議時又說「只是開個玩笑，幹嘛認真」？
你成為病態人格的受害者，最恐怖的是，你覺得這都是自己的錯！
【速查！】懷疑自己被情緒操控嗎？快看「煤氣燈評量表」
■心情低落？自我厭惡？懷疑自己的記憶？有病的，或許不是你！
以下幾個狀況，你的伴侶、家人、同事/主管或朋友，符合了幾項？
□你常常自我懷疑，不確定自己的記憶是否準確？
□自己回想某些事件時，是否有人經常反駁你？
□是否覺得幾乎所有的衝突都是你造成的？
□他們常明示或暗示，說你「過於情緒化」嗎？
□你和他們說話時感覺自己卑微渺小，卻不知道為什麼嗎？
□他們經常強調自己的權威地位嗎？
□他們會貶低、嘲笑或忽視你的感受和經驗嗎？
〉〉〉小心，就算只有一、兩項符合，你也可能正處於被情緒操控的煤氣燈效應！
■完整解析煤氣燈效應（Gaslighting）定義，專業的心理師療癒七步驟，幫助你辨別最惡質的情緒虐待特徵，拆解病態人格的手法模式，找回情感和建立關係的勇氣。
「你太情緒化了～」
「我才沒有這樣做，你記錯了」
「你真的有毛病……」
「都是你的錯！」
這些都是標準的操縱者台詞，使你疑惑、沮喪、無力、自我懷疑的情緒操縱（煤氣燈效應），會出現在伴侶、家庭、職場、朋友和團體之間，成為情緒勒索、控制型伴侶或病態人格的掩護，讓你無法察覺自己正在遭受精神暴力，懷疑自己的情緒感受、記憶和判斷力。
心理學博士黛博拉•維納爾是家庭與婚姻治療師，她從眾多諮商案例中，整理歸納出關於情緒操控的確切定義和運作方式，幫助讀者判斷自己是否正處於這種有毒的關係中，並說明如何使用正念、接受和承諾療法等方法，以七個循序漸進的步驟擺脫情緒操控，療癒並肯定自我，建立起健全的人際關係，同時避免再次陷入情緒操控的關係中。
■最明顯的8種情緒操控模式，你有同樣的經驗嗎？
‧對方常常說謊、誇大，或顛倒是非。
‧拿你和其他人比較，不斷貶低。
‧提到他人時，對方的一切都是活該自找的。
‧常在一群人面前要你冷靜點、別這麼情緒化。
‧威脅你之後，又嘲笑你大驚小怪。
‧毫無責任感，不願意為你們的關係負責。
‧挑撥離間，讓兩邊發生衝突或不滿。
‧關係中，他永遠是「上」，你永遠是「下」。
■專業心理師的療癒七步驟，從接受現實開始，重新建立自信、自尊和不一樣的人生。
懷疑或發現自己原來處於情緒操弄的關係中？讓專業心理師陪你一步步找回自我。
（1）接受現實：不要壓抑自我，你並沒有反應過度。
（2）了解情緒操控的循環：認識操控者常使用的行為模式，避免自己陷入循環中。
（3）釋放悲傷的情緒：允許為自己的遭遇感到悲傷，是療癒自我的重要關鍵。
（4）聚焦在自己：學會對自己溫柔、善待自己，對自己更好一些。
（5）設定界線：幫助維護正常的人際關係，測試他人是否想操控你的情緒。
（6）作出決定：依據不同的狀況，執行和操控者「維持距離」或「斷絕聯繫」的決定。
（7）與他人發展健全的關係，同時避免再次被情緒操控。
「親愛的讀者，我好高興你打開了這本書。但同時，我也有一點難過，因為這表示你正在經歷一段並不完全讓人滿意的關係，在這段關係中，你可能會感到充滿混亂，混雜著愛、依戀以及困惑、傷害和懷疑，也許，你也會覺得受到操控、憤怒甚至羞恥，而無法說出到底是哪裡出了錯。但我也覺得充滿希望和樂觀，因為你鼓起了勇氣決定閱讀這本書，這是個意義重大的一步，將會改變你的生活和你的關係，朝向更好的方向發展。」──〈序〉，心理學博士 黛博拉•維納爾
本書特色
●情緒操控（煤氣燈效應）的真相──確切定義和運作方式，以及如何避免情緒操控的安全方法。
●成熟、專業的技巧──使用正念、接受和承諾療法等方法來設定界限、恢復自我意識，並建立更健康的關係。
●現實的案例──分享各種關係中的情緒操控案例，釐清操控的樣貌，明白「這不是你的錯」。
●練習──透過清楚的問題和提示，幫助你識別生活中的情感虐待，並妥善處理你的感受。
煤氣燈效應＝情緒勒索＋精神虐待＋洗腦！
讓專業心理師陪你重建自信、自尊和不一樣的人生。
〈臨床心理師‧洪仲清〉專文推薦！
婚後頻頻出軌，被發現後卻卸責給另一半、毫無悔意？
同事當著你的面裝死，還理直氣壯地說你記錯了？
家人/朋友常常貶低嘲笑你，當你抗議時又說「只是開個玩笑，幹嘛認真」？
你成為病態人格的受害者，最恐怖的是，你覺得這都是自己的錯！
【速查！】懷疑自己被情緒操控嗎？快看「煤氣燈評量表」
■心情低落？自我厭惡？懷疑自己的記憶？有病的，或許不是你！
以下幾個狀況，你的伴侶、家人、同事/主管或朋友，符合了幾項？
□你常常自我懷疑，不確定自己的記憶是否準確？
□自己回想某些事件時，是否有人經常反駁你？
□是否覺得幾乎所有的衝突都是你造成的？
□他們常明示或暗示，說你「過於情緒化」嗎？
□你和他們說話時感覺自己卑微渺小，卻不知道為什麼嗎？
□他們經常強調自己的權威地位嗎？
□他們會貶低、嘲笑或忽視你的感受和經驗嗎？
〉〉〉小心，就算只有一、兩項符合，你也可能正處於被情緒操控的煤氣燈效應！
■完整解析煤氣燈效應（Gaslighting）定義，專業的心理師療癒七步驟，幫助你辨別最惡質的情緒虐待特徵，拆解病態人格的手法模式，找回情感和建立關係的勇氣。
「你太情緒化了～」
「我才沒有這樣做，你記錯了」
「你真的有毛病……」
「都是你的錯！」
這些都是標準的操縱者台詞，使你疑惑、沮喪、無力、自我懷疑的情緒操縱（煤氣燈效應），會出現在伴侶、家庭、職場、朋友和團體之間，成為情緒勒索、控制型伴侶或病態人格的掩護，讓你無法察覺自己正在遭受精神暴力，懷疑自己的情緒感受、記憶和判斷力。
心理學博士黛博拉•維納爾是家庭與婚姻治療師，她從眾多諮商案例中，整理歸納出關於情緒操控的確切定義和運作方式，幫助讀者判斷自己是否正處於這種有毒的關係中，並說明如何使用正念、接受和承諾療法等方法，以七個循序漸進的步驟擺脫情緒操控，療癒並肯定自我，建立起健全的人際關係，同時避免再次陷入情緒操控的關係中。
■最明顯的8種情緒操控模式，你有同樣的經驗嗎？
‧對方常常說謊、誇大，或顛倒是非。
‧拿你和其他人比較，不斷貶低。
‧提到他人時，對方的一切都是活該自找的。
‧常在一群人面前要你冷靜點、別這麼情緒化。
‧威脅你之後，又嘲笑你大驚小怪。
‧毫無責任感，不願意為你們的關係負責。
‧挑撥離間，讓兩邊發生衝突或不滿。
‧關係中，他永遠是「上」，你永遠是「下」。
■專業心理師的療癒七步驟，從接受現實開始，重新建立自信、自尊和不一樣的人生。
懷疑或發現自己原來處於情緒操弄的關係中？讓專業心理師陪你一步步找回自我。
（1）接受現實：不要壓抑自我，你並沒有反應過度。
（2）了解情緒操控的循環：認識操控者常使用的行為模式，避免自己陷入循環中。
（3）釋放悲傷的情緒：允許為自己的遭遇感到悲傷，是療癒自我的重要關鍵。
（4）聚焦在自己：學會對自己溫柔、善待自己，對自己更好一些。
（5）設定界線：幫助維護正常的人際關係，測試他人是否想操控你的情緒。
（6）作出決定：依據不同的狀況，執行和操控者「維持距離」或「斷絕聯繫」的決定。
（7）與他人發展健全的關係，同時避免再次被情緒操控。
「親愛的讀者，我好高興你打開了這本書。但同時，我也有一點難過，因為這表示你正在經歷一段並不完全讓人滿意的關係，在這段關係中，你可能會感到充滿混亂，混雜著愛、依戀以及困惑、傷害和懷疑，也許，你也會覺得受到操控、憤怒甚至羞恥，而無法說出到底是哪裡出了錯。但我也覺得充滿希望和樂觀，因為你鼓起了勇氣決定閱讀這本書，這是個意義重大的一步，將會改變你的生活和你的關係，朝向更好的方向發展。」──〈序〉，心理學博士 黛博拉•維納爾
本書特色
●情緒操控（煤氣燈效應）的真相──確切定義和運作方式，以及如何避免情緒操控的安全方法。
●成熟、專業的技巧──使用正念、接受和承諾療法等方法來設定界限、恢復自我意識，並建立更健康的關係。
●現實的案例──分享各種關係中的情緒操控案例，釐清操控的樣貌，明白「這不是你的錯」。
●練習──透過清楚的問題和提示，幫助你識別生活中的情感虐待，並妥善處理你的感受。
- GenresRelationshipsPsychology
Published January 1, 2022
About the author
Deborah Vinall, PsyD, LMFT
2 books5 followersDeborah Vinall, PsyD, LMFT, is a trauma therapist and author specializing in the treatment of traumatic life experiences and painful relational dynamics. She is certified in EMDR and Brainspotting and integrates neurobiological, attachment-based, and trauma-informed approaches in her work with individuals across the lifespan.
Deborah has spoken as a subject matter expert on topics including emotional abuse, domestic violence, and human trafficking at colleges and nonprofit organizations throughout Southern California. Her clinical and research focus includes high-impact trauma, and she was awarded the Sandra Wilson Memorial Grant from the EMDR Research Foundation for her doctoral research on the impacts of mass shootings and treatment outcomes for survivors across the United States.
Born and raised in Kelowna, Canada, Deborah now lives in Southern California with her husband and son. She also writes regularly about trauma, recovery, and belonging on her Substack: https://dvinall.substack.com.
Deborah has spoken as a subject matter expert on topics including emotional abuse, domestic violence, and human trafficking at colleges and nonprofit organizations throughout Southern California. Her clinical and research focus includes high-impact trauma, and she was awarded the Sandra Wilson Memorial Grant from the EMDR Research Foundation for her doctoral research on the impacts of mass shootings and treatment outcomes for survivors across the United States.
Born and raised in Kelowna, Canada, Deborah now lives in Southern California with her husband and son. She also writes regularly about trauma, recovery, and belonging on her Substack: https://dvinall.substack.com.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews
March 8, 2024
The year was 1944. Ingrid Bergman starred in a movie about a wealthy woman who began to experience unusual occurrences in her everyday life. A piece of jewelry disappeared. A picture she remembered hanging on her wall was suddenly no longer there. The footsteps she heard in the attic overhead were said to be products of her imagination. The lamps in her home, which ran on gas, dimmed and brightened inexplicably. Her husband countered her claims with the concern that she had developed kleptomania, that she was exhibiting signs of mental anguish, and suggested she withdraw from socializing in order to calm her nerves. Far from reassuring her, this led her to fear she was going insane. The film was called Gaslight, and the role earned Bergman an Academy Award.
The manipulation this drama made obvious and overt is, in reality, much more subversive. Many have heard the story of the man who accuses his wife of dressing too provocatively, of flirting outrageously, of attempting to seduce friends and strangers alike when, in fact, he's the one who has begun an affair. Or the boss, perhaps, who bullies a staff member "for his own good," criticizes every aspect of his work under the guise of fostering his improvement, and then swoops in to take full credit for the successful completion of his projects. Or the parent who consistently seeks to hide her mistakes by claiming the child misunderstood, is making things up, or doesn't pay sufficient attention. Gaslighting, as it is termed today, attacks the trust you have in yourself; your senses, your identity, your view of the world. Its aim is to throw you off balance, to lead you to question your behavior; to doubt. These attacks are effective precisely because they are often employed by someone who is important to you - someone who not only deserves your trust but seems to demand it on many occasions. This is the realm of those afflicted with varying degrees of personality disorder, and sometimes the damage they do requires a period of recovery.
Dr. Deborah Vinall is a marriage and family therapist who has tackled this type of dynamic for over fifteen years. Her book defines gaslighting, illustrates it as a tactic, and offers guidance through exercise and technique to reclaim that trust in oneself. There's a lot of concrete assistance here - and solace, too, for the grief each survivor is destined to suffer as healing begins to take hold. An image that really struck me was Dr. Vinall's description of recovery as a spiral staircase. We confront the pain again and again, but we must remember we are ascending. Hopeful, I thought. And accurate.
The manipulation this drama made obvious and overt is, in reality, much more subversive. Many have heard the story of the man who accuses his wife of dressing too provocatively, of flirting outrageously, of attempting to seduce friends and strangers alike when, in fact, he's the one who has begun an affair. Or the boss, perhaps, who bullies a staff member "for his own good," criticizes every aspect of his work under the guise of fostering his improvement, and then swoops in to take full credit for the successful completion of his projects. Or the parent who consistently seeks to hide her mistakes by claiming the child misunderstood, is making things up, or doesn't pay sufficient attention. Gaslighting, as it is termed today, attacks the trust you have in yourself; your senses, your identity, your view of the world. Its aim is to throw you off balance, to lead you to question your behavior; to doubt. These attacks are effective precisely because they are often employed by someone who is important to you - someone who not only deserves your trust but seems to demand it on many occasions. This is the realm of those afflicted with varying degrees of personality disorder, and sometimes the damage they do requires a period of recovery.
Dr. Deborah Vinall is a marriage and family therapist who has tackled this type of dynamic for over fifteen years. Her book defines gaslighting, illustrates it as a tactic, and offers guidance through exercise and technique to reclaim that trust in oneself. There's a lot of concrete assistance here - and solace, too, for the grief each survivor is destined to suffer as healing begins to take hold. An image that really struck me was Dr. Vinall's description of recovery as a spiral staircase. We confront the pain again and again, but we must remember we are ascending. Hopeful, I thought. And accurate.
May 28, 2021
I loved this book. Vinall's writing is clear and direct. I appreciate the way she incorporates the whole body in her approach. She gives practical advice and specific exercises for healing.
July 6, 2022
Deborah Vinall offers some good stories. However, a lot of poor advice for dealing with gaslighters. I've learned from both persoanl experience and surviving gaslighters. It is tremendously unproductive to be direct with a gaslighter. This only gives the gaslighter ammunition to repeat the same behaviors while upgrading their manipulative devices, usually with you!
Gaslighters are not good listeners. The only opinion that matters is their own. They have an insatiable appetite for tricking people. They will simply move on to the next person - albeit she/he is a willing participant or not. My advice. Don't walk away...run. Limit conversations and interactions if it is a family member or coworker. You will notice that the gaslighter will acknowledge the distance. Do not give an explanation. Ask her/him to explain. Listen. Simply say, "I hate you interpret things that way." Do not change your stance. They will eventually move on. As soon as the opportunity presents itself, expose the gaslighter in the presence of someone else. Go forth and be happy!
Gaslighters are not good listeners. The only opinion that matters is their own. They have an insatiable appetite for tricking people. They will simply move on to the next person - albeit she/he is a willing participant or not. My advice. Don't walk away...run. Limit conversations and interactions if it is a family member or coworker. You will notice that the gaslighter will acknowledge the distance. Do not give an explanation. Ask her/him to explain. Listen. Simply say, "I hate you interpret things that way." Do not change your stance. They will eventually move on. As soon as the opportunity presents itself, expose the gaslighter in the presence of someone else. Go forth and be happy!
September 2, 2025
Very helpful with actionable ideas.
April 18, 2022
A short and solid book on gaslighting. The diagnostics were clear and precise. More importantly, the strategies to move out of this situation were well considered. Yes, there was a little bit too much 'self care' in this book for my liking. But it is a tough book to manage a tough situation.
December 2, 2022
Insightful, clear, and concise. What more can you ask of a book about being gaslit 🙃
April 27, 2021
I was fortunate enough to be provided an advanced copy of “Break Free from Gaslighting”. As I read through the book, in particular the step-by-step recovery guide to heal from emotional abuse, I was struck by Dr. Vinall’s ability to combine clinical expertise with clear and concise steps to heal from abusive relationships.
This book offers clear definitions, examples, and most of all multiple exercises. Because of its practical and clear approach, this book a must read for anyone who is navigating the road to recovery from emotional abuse and is looking to develop healthy boundaries in relationships. I will certainly incorporate some of these exercises in my work with clients as a mental health therapist.
This book offers clear definitions, examples, and most of all multiple exercises. Because of its practical and clear approach, this book a must read for anyone who is navigating the road to recovery from emotional abuse and is looking to develop healthy boundaries in relationships. I will certainly incorporate some of these exercises in my work with clients as a mental health therapist.
June 14, 2021
As some who was totally gaslighted my entire childhood, I can confidently say this book was enlightening and eye opening. I 100% recommend reading it if you want to understand someone who is recovering from being gaslighted or if you yourself were or if you simply just want to be educated. The author writes in such a graceful and compassionate way, both teaching and educating the read. I’ve been healing from my past and my childhood for at least 5 years and this book is definitely going in my box of tools and I can’t wait to show it and introduce it to others that may benefit. Thanks for putting this book out in the world!
October 12, 2022
Felt prompted to go watch the 1940s movie Gaslight from which this book gets its name and we get our English vernacular word of “gaslighting.” I’d never truly understood what that concept was but the movie & book explained it well. I liked the book’s pragmatic approach and easily understood scenarios. Am recommending this book to several friends.
February 10, 2022
Extremely interesting and helpful in terms of providing an expansive definition of gaslighting and furthermore helpful techniques to thwart gaslighting attempts moving forward. For some I imagine this book would be life-changing.
July 31, 2021
Great resource book for me while I am teaching "counseling" techniques. It has many good examples and steps of "how to" handle it when someone close to you is a gaslighter
December 23, 2021
Amazing book! Will refer to it over and over. Great excercises as well.
February 9, 2023
I think that blaming the other person without admitting guilt makes nonsense and is a form of gaslighting and the author says you should look for others to admit guilt with no mention of their actions. It is better to go to a person and say when you do x this makes me feel y. Instead of blaming people and putting 100% of the blame on someone else as the person will become defensive.
Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews