Be the One You Need: 21 Life Lessons I Learned While Taking Care of Everyone but Me

by Sophia A. Nelson

From acclaimed journalist Sophia A. Nelson, the bestselling author of The Woman Code , comes a poignant, powerful, and revealing memoir providing life lessons that emphasize the importance of self-care, self-love, and self-understanding that will lead to freedom, healing from the past, and a better future.

In deeply personal reflections, acclaimed journalist Sophia A. Nelson offers an inspirational memoir that will guide you on a path toward true and meaningful self-care. She shares 21 life lessons she’s learned to help us accept that when we dare to face our traumas, losses, fears, family dysfunctions, and relationship issues, we can heal from them. She shows us that doing the work of meaningful and consistent self-care not only makes us happier, but better spouses, parents, siblings, lovers, employers, and neighbors. In this powerfully raw and honest book, you’ll

• How to manage your emotions before they manage you;

• How to protect your peace, the passport to your soul;

• Why the most important relationship you have is with yourself; and

• How to be intentional about your choices.

The compelling lessons in Be the One You Need clearly demonstrate that the answers we seek to life’s questions are always within us. Nelson empowers us to finally ask ourselves, What do I want? What do I need? How do I feel? And once we hear the answers of our soul, how to put them into practice.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction

368 pages, Paperback

Published June 28, 2022

Reviews

[Marie · Rating 5 out of 5]

What do I want?
What do I need?

Change yourself.
Accept others.

Know what and who makes you happy.

Set boundaries as they will change your life

Use your own wisdom to accept what is truly important and what is just window dressing.

You attract what you are.

You are responsible for everything in your life.

Protect your peace at all costs.

Never let anyone get comfortable disrespecting you.

Learn to be instead of always doing something.

Everybody is not like you.

Your results are the product of either personal focus or personal distractions.
The choice is yours.

[Tamyko · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Book I Didn’t Know I Needed:
This book is definitely worth reading. I saw it and thought- that sounds like me. Then once I started reading it I discovered that not only was she describing me. But, I couldn’t believe how true each lesson was to what I’ve experienced in my life and the areas where I still need some work. I don’t want to give too much away- but the Three Questions have changed the way I take care of myself. I had never checked on myself. Even although, I often do for others without even thinking.
This book could be a weekend read- but I also think you will want to revisit the lessons at different times in your life. This book is teaching us about self care on a whole different level.

[Alexis · Rating 1 out of 5]

Warning: this book was not for me.

This book was chosen as a book club pick by a group of those with a Masters degree in Social work. This author has an educational background in Law. So, while this book had many disclaimers informing the reader she does not have a background in mental health, the book often made me roll my eyes.

While I love reading of success stories of those who miraculously defied all odds, this book was not it for me. It felt more “life coach” than “expand my mind and wealth of knowledge”. While I do believe this book may be great for those working in fields such as business and law, as a Social Worker, I didn’t feel I gained much from the 340 pages of my copy of this book.

However, the author did highlight other books throughout the text such as “what happened to you” by Oprah and Dr. Bruce Perry, which is a book I recommend time and time again.

This may be a great book for many, but I definitely wouldn’t recommend it.

[Ida Whittaker · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is not about what you think. It is not about self-care like going to the beach or the spa, or just resting. This is a powerful call to take your personal power back. To get out of your own way. To stop living in the past of your hurts, traumas or fears. It is a call to dig deeper and step up your game. I saw the 1 star review--with NO REVIEW. Goodreads should never allow that to happen--this book is excellent. The author was all over national TV last week on the morning shows, has been on major radios and more. This is a 5 star book by any measure, great for men and women alike. Younger and older. Well done Sophia A. Nelson.

[Lauren Baldwin · Rating 2 out of 5]

The first section was off-putting because it was mostly pointing fingers at other generations for different reasons or praising them for different reasons while saying she has let it go because her generation is the best. Her experiences sounded familiar to some of my family and I related to the author about things too so I wanted to see what her views might be even if I disagreed...but I've decided to dnf when I saw the author being mean to a reviewer here on Goodreads. Clearly some work still needs to be done by the author. "Hurt people hurt people"

[Christine · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've long been a fan of Sophia Nelson. Whether on TV or in print, she tells it like it is. She also offers a vision for how you can get from where you are to where you want to be in life. You can't just daydream your way to success--you have to do the work on yourself first, understand the vital importance of self-care, and remember that where you start does not forecast your future. I found myself nodding my head in agreement with every page and each wise lesson.

[Ala · Rating 3 out of 5]

Cool life lessons, but from the very beginning one can feel some sad energy. Not that the author sounds stuck in her old life and regrets the hard times that she went through, which she isn't shy to repeat time and time again!
I understand that authors give some life examples from their own lives to explain a certain point. But at a certain point this book seems to be written by someone who is still stuck to their past tragedies and still trying to move on.

[Hillary Pate · Rating 3 out of 5]

Brilliant. It feed my soul. Everything I have learned in life someone was able to articulate it.

[Curt Stamp · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well written and good guide to doing the things you need to take care of yourself. A good gut check for any of us, even if you think you have your sh*t together.

[Christina · Rating 2 out of 5]

as much as I wanted to like this book, it's very clear the targeted audience is 20 and 30 year olds as author encourages people to make the most of that time, as well as giving examples of real life people who achieved in their later years. she then begins to list people who did things in their 40s +. I am struck by the fact that the reason people accomplished things in their 40s + is because they were building on own groundwork.

there are some good reminders, some general insights, namely, that no one will be as invested in taking care of you than YOU. overall, however, it is a hard read as I keep picking up a message, perhaps unintended, that it's too late for those past early adulthood.

Surely others may come away with different messages, but for now it's going on my "did not finish" shelf until I'm in a frame of mind there's still hope for us old folks.

[Karen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some useful material, especially on the importance of focusing.

[Matt Ford · Rating 1 out of 5]

AKA "A Feckless Narcissists Handbook".

[Toni Fleming · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing Book!

This is one of the most powerful and point on written books I have EVER read. I felt the author was talking to me.