Happy Endings

by Bella Green

Bella Green is a Sunday-afternoon sex worker. Divorced dads, IT nerds, international students - she's here for the idiosyncrasies of human behaviour, for soothing the lonely. But really for the cash.From an entrepreneurial kid to a young woman trying to find herself (and desperate to stay out of call centres), Bella started sex work for the glamour and the taboo. Instead, she found her place in this surprisingly mundane and often entertaining industry, where the hierarchy is strict, the names are fake, and spare towels always come in handy.Taking us on a funny, candid, can't-look-away journey through brothels, strip clubs, peep shows and dominatrix dungeons, Happy Endings is a hilarious and compelling memoir from a bright and bold new Australian voice. Praise for Bella Green'Authentic, hilarious, and uplifting.' WeekendNotes'No holds barred ... Smart as a whip ... Green's the real deal who wants everyone to get their happy ending.' The Advertiser (Adelaide)'A brilliant stand-up comedian.' Wil Anderson'The voice modern comedy needs.' DeAnne Smith

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Audiobook, Biography, LGBT, Australia, Biography Memoir

214 pages, Kindle Edition

Published June 29, 2021

About the author

Bella Green was a stand-up comedian, writer and sex worker in Melbourne. She got her start in comedy by telling jokes in brothels to anyone who'd listen. She told jokes in some of the best comedy rooms in the country. Her debut stand-up hour, Bella Green is Charging for It, answers all the questions you'd never thought to ask about the adult industry. It was nominated for Best Comedy at the 2018 Melbourne Fringe Festival, and awarded Best Comedy at this year's Adelaide Fringe Festival.

Reviews

[Petra X · Rating 4 out of 5]

She's gay, she's jolly, she likes being a sex worker so long as there is plenty of variety and good friends to work with. This book shows a very different and more believable look at sex workers from their side, rather than the side of the dour Strip Club: Gender, Power, and Sex Work written by a woman who worked as a cocktail waitress to do the research for it and came away seeing only miserable, broken women powerless and exploited.

I've only known one sex worker very well. She was a tall, slim very beautiful Brazilian woman who spoke five languages and worked as a captain on charter boats. Her downfall was she had a filthy temper and no filter. I liked her though. She'd worked in Hawaii as a stripper, taking up to 5 showers an hour on stage for Japanese men. She didn't say what she'd done before but hinted at it was a good way to make money to get out of Brazil and she'd needed to support her son she left behind. She said her lifestyle wasn't good for a child (he was 17 when I met her) and she'd done what she could to support him.

It might sound like she'd left the sex work behind, but actually she and a French woman had decided that since all three of us were sailors and good-looking women, we could make some money by running a charter boat where the male guests would know exactly how friendly the crew would be. Very friendly.

I wasn't into this but as the only citizen I was the only one who could get the permits necessary. It was envisaged that the French woman would do most of the cooking and the three of us would be the men's girlfriends, for a lot, lot, lot of money. Realising that I wasn't going to do it, they put pressure on my bf, a South African lawyer on the run from his latest scam, to captain the boat and get me to get the trade licence and work permits. He told me they were going to offer me 25%. Yeah right. A scam artist offering to give away 25% of his earnings!

So the Brazilian went to St Martin/Sint Maarten and danced in clubs, stripping paid better than chartering, and dated a series of boys who looked to be about 17. The French woman got pregnant by a rasta who had taken off the back of his jeep to strap on two huge speakers so he could blast out music and show everyone how cool he was. I think she went home to her doctor daddy. And me, well I got a book shop.

Notes on reading
This as an audio book and listening to Gregorian Chant - The Monks of Santo Domingo de Silos - are keeping me calm after the emergency surgery on my eye for endophthalmitis. I won't know for two weeks if it's going to work or I get even more complications up to losing my eye. I am so frightened. I can't stand silence, even though it is only kind of silence since I have tinnitus from the Astra-Zeneca vaccination, I need something to fill my head all the time.

[Jaclyn · Rating 3 out of 5]

From peep shows to dom dens to brothels to comedy stages, Green gives access to the life of a sex worker and comedian you might not otherwise see. There is monotony and tedium to sex work, like there is in all work, and Green writes about this and the comraderie among sex workers particularly well. I listened to the audio book and found it completely compelling and entertaining. There is an insatiable appetite for memoirs like this and I think we all have preconceived ideas about the sex work industry so it’s good to be educated and informed. I had no idea of the importance of social media for sex workers which seems so obvious to me now. Green’s writing is fresh and honest and funny.

[Viola V · Rating 5 out of 5]

Devoured this in less than 24 hours!

If you've seen Bella's comedy, you'll be familiar with her voice - she's hilarious, observant, witty and very real. The book is no different - a set from Bella you can dip into at will - with insight into the life of an intelligent, working class queer Australian woman.

This is no "woe is me, I'm a hooker" tale, nor is it a "wow I'm an empowered goddess sex worker!" take, it's a balance of highs and lows - the authentic experiences of the everyday sex worker with an appreciation for the idiosyncrasies of the every day.

[Kaz Kershaw · Rating 4 out of 5]

Entertaining and authentic. I read this over 24 hours because I didn’t want to put it down, and the MI reference got me all nostalgic.

[Laura Noggle · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was actually a lot of fun, with more deep insights than I was expecting. Definitely entertaining!

Learned a few more terms too, hopefully I'll never need them!

[Lucy Bloom · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book looks under the rug at the reality of hooker life. But FUCK, it's gross, funny and heartbreaking in equal measure. I wouldn't recommend 'Happy Endings' to my mum (she's 81 and a retired Baptist leader) but I'd recommend this book to anyone who's ever thought they'd like to collect cash for fucks. Anyone who loves a memoir that is brutally honest about the author's own shortcomings, faults and whopping mistakes. Anyone who's open-minded and interested in how a young woman would navigate it all. By the end, I wanted to lie about in expensive lingerie and smoke thin elegant lady fags with Bella in a hotel room somewhere. I'm off to lick balls for 4 minutes, minimum...

[Sophie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very readable. The day-to-day ordinariness of being a sex worker, which of course is just a job, neither glamorous or tragic. Green also talks about her difficult relationship with her family, and her mental health very honestly and with a lot of humour.

[Zarah Butcher-McGunnigle · Rating 5 out of 5]

really enjoyed reading and didn't want it to end.
Bella is very good at storytelling. lots of funny and insightful details, but also managing to be down to earth.

[Jenny Condon · Rating 4 out of 5]

“I’ve always been a Sunday afternoon hooker in Melbourne. The kind of men who seek intimacy with a stranger at 4pm on a Sunday are made for me. “
Best opening line for a short, witty memoir.

Listened to this audiobook in one day while I puttered around the house doing chores and it was great to listen to an Australian accent again. Loved the unique, honest memoir about life as a sex worker in Melbourne.

[Jess Hunter · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was so so good. I was hooked from the start of this memoir and inhaled every word. A raw, deep insight into Bella’s life.

[Jules · Rating 4 out of 5]

Happy Endings is a treat, Green has such a refreshingly authentic voice and is genuinely funny (I particularly loved the scathingly accurate depiction of the Empowerment Squad - I was probably stuck in gender studies lectures with these exact sex worker tourists). The laughs are balanced with just enough of the tough stuff: mental health, risky business, family trauma. Highly readable!

[Terri · Rating 4 out of 5]

Vale Bella Green.
I learned of Bella's passing yesterday and whilst I did not know her personally, I know of her as the sharp and witty sex worker comedian, and had flagged her book as 'to read' some time ago.
To honour her memory I've spent the last day reading her memoir and it was all and more I had hoped. A frank and realistic depiction of sex work in inner city Melbourne and an exploration of mental health, childhood trauma, and finding home and belonging on the fringes. I cried and laughed and cried more when I finished the book, to know that the world has lost a beautiful, fiery, creative soul.

[Lejla Dautovski · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thoroughly enjoyed this one. It felt like a conversation with an old friend. It left me equally giggling in delight and gasping in shock. The writing style is punchy, witty, and oh so clever. The heartbreaking part about this book was reading about her mental health struggles, and knowing she took her life in the middle of 2023 - I hope she’s resting in the peace she so desperately looked for in life, and knows she has left such an incredible piece of work that will be admired and shared for years to come.

[Caddyshack Project · Rating 4 out of 5]

Caddyshack three word review:
Honest, funny & uplifting

[Annaliseygirl (BuddStreetBooks) · Rating 4 out of 5]

That was an incredibly enjoyable read.

Bella is a very gifted writer and storyteller. The structure of the book and the chapters was absolutely spot on. An editor needs a big pat on the back for that one.

This is not a memoir just filled with enlightening and interesting anecdotes about the sex work industry. It’s unassuming in its depth and warmth. It’s not until you finish reading that the weight of it all hits you.

The last 50 pages were like an emotional punch to the stomach. The chapter “What Does Your Mum Think?” came out of nowhere and left me in tears.

It is a brilliant read. I’m excited to see what’s next for Bella Green 💚

[Kate Berry · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed the insight into a world of Sex Work which is very far removed from my life. I listened to the audio version which was very well read by the author. Note - As would be expected with a book on this topic, there is content which I found a little confronting and felt a little qweezy hearing.

[Balint Hegyes · Rating 4 out of 5]

This memoir felt deeply intimate and yet very casual, dealing with oftentimes very heavy topics and yet with a lightheartedness and humour that spoke of the author's strong will to face life's obstacles, no matter what shady, horny or violent form they sometimes took. I hope wherever you are now Bella, there's plenty of love and attention coming your way.

[Samantha · Rating 5 out of 5]

A highly entertaining and funny memoir about a Melbourne-based sex worker and stand-up comedian. Very location specific so a lot of references would go over your head if you're not based in Australia. I particularly enjoyed all the early 00s pop culture references littered throughout.

[Trish · Rating 4 out of 5]

A frank, and insightful look into life as a sex worker. I stumbled across this in audible, and am glad I listened to it. Bella is raw and funny as she gives the reader a journey into her life.

[Bronny · Rating 5 out of 5]

Heartfelt, funny and relatable, I didn’t want it to end. Wish I could give it 6 stars but 5 will have to do.

[Chelsea · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brilliant! Such an easy read. Loved how raw and truthful it is.

[Chelsea Hazendonk · Rating 3 out of 5]

A deep (pun intended) insight into the life of a sex worker but I found myself zoning out at times.

[Shannon Brown · Rating 4 out of 5]

I could sit and read her insane sex work stories for hours. Frank, shocking and hilarious. This memoir should be triple its size! ⭐⭐⭐⭐1/2

[Mell Meyer · Rating 5 out of 5]

"I am lovable and desirable and fuckable, not in spite of my flaws but because of them."

TW: Su*cide/su*cidal thoughts, self harm, child abuse & drug abuse

It’s been a while since I picked up a memoir, but I’ve always had a soft spot for them, especially when written by a fellow Aussie. Bella Green’s memoir offered a raw and fascinating look into her life, spanning peepshows, strip clubs, dungeons, brothels, call centres, her time as a student paramedic, independent escort, and even a stand-up comedian. Her portrayal of the Australian sex work industry was nothing short of honest and eye-opening—and it did not disappoint.

What struck me most was how *real* this memoir felt. Bella shares the ups and downs of sex work with a level of openness that’s both touching and thought-provoking. There are moments in the book that had me laughing out loud and others that brought a tear to my eye, especially as she candidly navigated her struggles with mental health. Her ability to infuse humor into even the most challenging aspects of her life is a testament to her strength and resilience.

Bella’s memoir stands out as a frank and funny exploration of the often-mundane sides of sex work and comedy. She captures the absurdity of her experiences while remaining deeply reflective about her mental health. Bella’s wit, sharp observations, and storytelling make this a memoir full of insight, humor, and vulnerability.

Sadly, I was devastated to learn that Bella Green lost her battle with mental health not long after the book’s publication. This knowledge adds a layer of poignancy to her words, and her voice, so hilarious and observant, is one I’ll always remember.

RIP Bella Green 🤍

[Kimberley Killender · Rating 2 out of 5]

Almost DNF. This was a slog. I found it painfully narcissistic, with poor pacing and no-stakes storytelling. This was just rambling, vague self-musings with the occasional clever line thrown in.

[Ruby · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ate this up!!! I’ve been working in the industry as a stripper for 6 years in Perth and reading this was extremely relatable. ~ Bella’s stories were a joy to read and had me cackling and feeling so nostalgic !!! All the nods to iconically Perth moments made me feel like I was reading my own life! (The Forrest Chase goths, the Barrack st sex shop neon sign (RIP)) ((Indiana Jones and the fate of Atlantis point & click adventure game !!!???! What a specific and deep memory slice this elicited!))

The comedic anecdotes and local novelties were also woven between beautifully tender and heart wrenching musings on family, mental health and friendship/camaraderie formed from sex work, what a blessing it is to know this wild, sometimes messy and difficult but always hilarious and unique world, and to find and share it with your people.

💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

[Steph · Rating 4 out of 5]

Engaging and easy to read. Definitely funny in the sense of being entertaining, but underneath it was also a story of a woman who experienced serious childhood trauma (including childhood sexual abuse by a family member and being kicked out of home as a teenager when she tried to stand up for herself) and struggled to figure out how to live her life in a way that didn’t compromise her values, mental health or identity. I’m glad by the end of the book Bella finds her tribe(s), and luckily for us uses her sharp mind and excellent storytelling skills to become a comedian and author. I’m interested to read/see whatever she writes next!

[Ari · Rating 2 out of 5]

At moments I laughed out loud, but for the most part I found Happy Endings profoundly depressing - maybe because I knew from the start that Green had died only a year or so after her memoir was released, which shades all her dark jokes about sex work and trauma and mental illness and suicide attempts (in other words, the entire book) with a kind of bleak foreshadowing rather than something to freely laugh at. More of a purge than a memoir.

For a reasonably short book, it took me weeks to finish.

[Graham Jenkins · Rating 2 out of 5]

Shocking? Like .. are there really people who pay others to defecate on their faces?

Authentic? The writer's a tattooed drug addict and has spent time in a psychiatric facility; go figure!

All up? It's a sad tale by a woman who deserves our pity.

[Claire · Rating 5 out of 5]

I laughed, I cried, I cummed. I really loved this book. It’s a frank and funny exploration of the more mundane sides of sex work and comedy. Highly recommend this devourable and hilarious memoir!