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280 pages, Hardcover
First published April 19, 2022
During the hour drive from my home to the Cape, I fantasized that I’d replicate the peace and higher perspective Henry had documented in that seam of land and sea. “The sea-shore is a sort of neutral ground,” he wrote, “a most advantageous point from which to contemplate this world.” I didn’t expect sublime perspective; I hoped only for a respite from my nightmares, for the waves and wind and weather to reshape the masses of my subconscious as they had shifted the dunes of Wellfleet, Truro, and Provincetown. Isn’t this always the hope, heading out for a long walk? That in your aloneness the landscape will relieve you? That your mind will be renewed, calmed?
Henry had walked to Wachusett, sat up on the summit and looked at the stars as if they were “given for a consolation” six months after his brother died. Was he doing the same thing I was doing? Walking to husk the dead skin of grief? Looking up to feel the comfort of one’s own smallness in the world, to displace bulging selfhood, under the shadow of such urgent beauty as the night sky?
If spring is the season for the eyes —“Earth laughs in flowers,” wrote Ralph Waldo Emerson — and summer for touch — of the sun, of bare feet, of seawater on your skin — then fall is mostly for the nose: the bass-note scent of the ground. To walk through a forest in New England’s autumn is to put your nose to nature’s neck.
Reflecting here, I think I understand something more of why Henry journaled, and why there is so much good writing in it, so little lazy writing, so many elaborate metaphors and full sentences. Writing is willing permanence. If I remembered what John had said about becoming a father, I would return to it here, I would feel the sensation of his words here again, and so make it permanent. I would not live it again — the sound of John’s voice under the gloaming sky, the satisfaction of arriving in deep territory after days of lighter talk — but I would be able to replicate and hold some of the sensation. I could refill myself with that sensation, as you might hold a water glass under a tap. Writing is the glass, I see.