Lifemanship, Or, The Art Of Getting Away With It Without Being An Absolute Plonk

by Stephen Potter

What does Lifemanship mean? Easy question to pose, difficult to answer in a phrase. A way of life pervading each thought and conditioning our every action? Yes, but something much more, even though it only exists, as pervasive, intermittently. "How to live"—yes, but the phrase is too negative. In one of the unpublished notebooks of Rilke there is a phrase that might be our text, "...if you're not one up (Bitzleisch) you're...one down (Rotzleisch)."

How to be one up—how to make the other person feel that something has gone wrong, however slightly. The Lifeman is never caddish, but how simply and certainly often he of she can make the other person feel a cad, and over prolonged periods.

Genres: Humor, Nonfiction, Satire, Self Help, How To

120 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 1950

About the author

Stephen Meredith Potter was a British author and broadcaster. He popularised the term 'Gamemanship'.

Reviews

[Manny · Rating 4 out of 5]

Following on from Gamesmanship, another fake self-help manual from Potter. Now, however, he is overtly targeting social interaction in general, and gives you innumerable handy "tips" on how to discomfort people and gain a social advantage. The point, of course, is that they are all things people (at least British people) do already, slightly exaggerated for comic effect.

I have a long-running joke with a friend based on the chapter "Wine". Most people like to give the impression that they at least know a bit about wine. The problem is that few of us actually do, and there is the dreadful possibility of being made to look like an idiot by someone who is a real expert. Potter's advice is to go for what he calls the Boldly Meaningless. Instead of something about acidity or tannins which may turn out to be completely off, say "A little cornery round the edges!" Though his absolute favorite, which my friend and I use regularly, is "Too many tramlines!"

I hardly ever read self-help manuals. But hearing people complain about the ridiculous advice they often contain, I do wonder from time to time whether at least some of them are, like the Potter books, only really meant as social satire.

[Jeff Crompton · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a pretty amusing book if you can give yourself over to the spirit of Lifesmanship, roughly defined as "how to be one up - how to make the other man feel that something has gone wrong, however slightly." Potter covers such subcategories as Conversationship, Week-Endmanship, Woomanship, etc., and suggests counters for each Lifesmanship gambit. Here's an example from the chapter on Week-Endmanship.

This cottage of the Meynells is in fact a beautfully altered and luxurious Georgian house, but it is an important general rule always to refer to your friend's country establishment as a "cottage." Why? Because it is an extraordinarily difficult gambit to counter. Impossible to reply "My what?" "It's not really a cottage" is no better if no worse.

Two more successful counters suggested by Potter involve responding, "I'm hoping to get some advice from Kew on restoring the maze," or "Nothing takes so much dusting as a dome."

And here's an example of Conversationship:

To "language up" an opponent is, according to Symes' Dictionary of Lifesmanship and Gameswords, to "confuse, irritate and depress by the use of foreign words, fictitious or otherwise, either singly or in groups."

The standard and still the best method is the gradual. If the subject is the relative methods of various orchestral conductors, for instance, say something early on about the "tentade" of Boult. Three minutes later contrast the "fuldenbiener" of Kubelik, and the firm "austag, austag" of his beat "which Brahms would have delighted in."

If these examples appeal to you, Lifesmanship (and its predecessor Gamesmanship) might be worth exploring. I find them pretty funny.

[Mark Speed · Rating 4 out of 5]

These notes are to modern living the opposite of EpictetusThe Art of Living: The Classical Manual on Virtue, Happiness and Effectiveness is to civilisation. The aim is always to be one up on everyone around you. There are proper guides to doing this. Great stuff, and true to life - at least in the US and UK.

[Valerie]

After I read Gamesmanship, it was natural to go next to this one, which was right next it on the shelf.

The whole series is more or less a "How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying for the public school set ('preppies', in the US).

It's funny, yes; but it wouldn't be advisable to take the individual strategies as any sort of guide to real world behavior.

[C. B. · Rating 4 out of 5]

A wonderful surprise from a bargain box at a secondhand bookshop. This is exceptionally funny and clever. The conceit of this strange group who share gambits gives one a way to be cynical about people's behavior in a very relaxed way.

[Frank Hoppe · Rating 3 out of 5]

Potter is milking his past successes here, but this volume is not without its intermittent charms.

[Michael David · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lifemanship was an offshoot of Stephen Potter's Gamesmanship, and is, like the latter, an anti-self-help book of sorts: it actually advises, through its dry humor, what not to do in society. In spite of this, however, it offers much insight on human interactions.

It falls short from being a masterpiece due to its fragmentary nature: it is highly topical, and unfocused. It is, nevertheless, a great work. Although I only glossed over the mention of Stephen Potter in Eric Berne's seminal Games People Play, Berne himself recognizes the astute insights made by Potter in regard to the ulterior motives that lie behind human exchanges.

Among this book's most brilliant chapters is its chapter on Woomenship, or wooing others through devious actions. It is a compendium of social legerdemain, and it remains salient even now. Particularly humorous were the different tactics certain expert "lifesmen" implement in order to be more palatable to women, such as the use of different lipstick colors on used cigarette butts to indicate one's popularity.

These measures are called gambits by Potter. Ultimately, however, the best gambit can be played by women: in spite of men's chivalry, if the woman were to act as if she were engaged with the man, she indubitably would have won the game of woomenship.

Although a few parts of the book have aged poorly, it is another brilliant introduction to the subterfuge inherent in the transactions that people have with one another during their interactions. While Eric Berne explained the reasons behind these actions, it was Potter who placed focus on these human foibles and peculiarities, and for that, he deserves my respect.

[Dr. Awkward · Rating 3 out of 5]

This could also be called "how to be a royal jerk" for that is essentially what you learn to do, but with that being said it is definitely an interesting read in practical psychology. Actually, you will need to read between the lines a little, since interpersonal techniques that were effective in 1950s England likely differ rather dramatically from those that might be effective in the present day, especially in the US and other countries.
Still -- definitely worth reading, if just for the perspectives. For those who are familiar with the concepts of gamesmanship, "lifemanship" is the natural extension of those principles to the rest of the arenas of life, learning how to (in theory) gain the upper hand in a variety of situations.
Some of it seems so absurd that you want to believe it's supremely tongue-in-cheek, and it might be, but some of it is a bit too straightforward for that...so take a gander, and come to your own conclusion.

[Hsgray · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hilarious! So glad I found this book again.

[Anders Magnusson]

1001 böcker
Sid 42, mening 1:
”Prata på.”

[Justin · Rating 2 out of 5]

Seems like an instruction guide on how to be a horrible person

[Jonathan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Part of its genius is in its pace. Potter knows just how endearing the conceit is and how quickly its charm can fade. If you reach that point, you may have taken too much in a single dose. I wonder, reading it, whether -manship needs updating to reflect its conquest of political debate?

[Nat · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm thinking of using this when I teach the moral philosophy section of Phil. Perspectives this summer.

[adam · Rating 5 out of 5]

I feel smarter already

[Peter · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is possibly the greatest resource for understanding life in the music business. I learned most everything I know from this book.

[Crystal · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a pretty funny book. It's all about how to make yourself look better via subtle put-downs and sneaky implications aimed at others. Very British.

[Robert · Rating 5 out of 5]

An easier read than Gamesmanship and just as entertaining.

[Elizabeth]

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