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The Making of a Man
A POWERFUL MEMOIR AND MANIFESTO CHALLENGING WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A BLACK MAN IN BRITAIN “A blisteringly honest take on contemporary Britishness that manages to be both nuanced and shocking. Highly recommended.” Afua Hirsch, author of Brit(ish) You’re a black man. Aggressive. Athletic. Feared. Fetishised. Policed. Politicised. It’s limiting. It’s tiring. And it’s not true. What makes a man in the 21st century? For generations ‘being a man’ has meant behaving in a very particular way. It has meant being strong, sexually assertive and overtly heterosexual. Assumptions around masculinity have been the root cause of countless problems which, to this day, continue to affect the whole of society. When the question of masculinity intersects with race, these assumptions too often mutate into pernicious prejudice in ways that are particularly damaging for the men themselves. In this groundbreaking and revealing book, actor, activist and writer Obioma Ugoala – a man of mixed Nigerian and Irish heritage – examines the ways in which his life has been affected by people failing to address their own prejudices about what they conceive a Black man to be. As well as talking about these – often shocking – experiences he take a broader cultural and historical view to challenge notions of race and masculinity that have over centuries become embedded in British society, poisoning the public discourse and blighting people’s lives. With unflinching honesty and deep humanity, this unique and important book challenges us all to face our personal failings while offering a vision of a more positive future if we dare to do better. When first published as The Problem with My Normal Penis the book met resistance from some who considered the title unnecessarily provocative. In this updated edition, Ugoala addresses the reception his book received and the light this shed on the very issues of race and masculinity that he was addressing. ‘Whipsmart and refreshingly vulnerable. In this book, Obioma Ugoala brilliantly exposes the systems and the individuals that have long perpetuated dangerous and irresponsible ideals around Blackness and masculinity.’ Candice Carty-Williams, author of Queenie "A valiant venture of a book that is somehow both tender memoir and unflinching excavation of the sociological blights that affect both self and society. Looking outward, inwards and forward, it lucidly explores complicated truths. Hopeful and honest, uncomfortable and encouraging, it is a book this country needs." Bolu Babalola, author of Love in Colour “An urgent, personal, compassionate book that never backs away from the difficulty of what we are facing but provides a forgiving mirror and a useable map so we can truly reflect & navigate. Obioma Ugoala’s treatise should be a set text for a world in crisis.” Deborah Frances White'In his enquiring memoir, he astutely explores where the expectations of his race and masculinity meet, unpicking and challenging his past experiences of prejudice. His personal stories are told in the context of the wider culture, and the book is a compassionate rallying cry to be more conscious.' Evening Standard
303 pages, Kindle Edition
Published March 31, 2022
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373 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews
March 14, 2022
Like many people will, I suspect, I picked up the proof of this from the staffroom because my attention was caught by the unusual title. I knew a little of Obioma Ugoala in passing, and was intrigued by the concept, so decided to read the book.
I’m so glad that I did. This is a moving, disturbing, infuriating exploration of race in Britain, framed with Ugoala’s personal experiences and interspersed with broader research and incidents. Ugoala is humblingly honest, and parts of this are so raw that they feel painful to read, but this is a timely and important exploration of race, gender and sexuality, both within Britain as a whole and within the broader Black community. Ugoala is a passionate, eloquent and thoughtful writer, unafraid to dig deep into his personal history and that of his family’s. Part memoir, part manifesto, this feels like important reading for everyone.
I’m so glad that I did. This is a moving, disturbing, infuriating exploration of race in Britain, framed with Ugoala’s personal experiences and interspersed with broader research and incidents. Ugoala is humblingly honest, and parts of this are so raw that they feel painful to read, but this is a timely and important exploration of race, gender and sexuality, both within Britain as a whole and within the broader Black community. Ugoala is a passionate, eloquent and thoughtful writer, unafraid to dig deep into his personal history and that of his family’s. Part memoir, part manifesto, this feels like important reading for everyone.
April 10, 2022
"For the best part of a year, I had permitted my classmates and my teachers to use my heritage as the butt of a joke that I had not initiated. I would love to say that I didn't know it was wrong, but it is only recently, decades later, than I have seen fit to discuss the incident with my parents".
Ugoala is a British-Nigerian actor turned author who shared a very poignant memoir-style non-fiction discussing the treatment of black men and women in the UK with a specific focus on race, sex and masculinity. The book is successfully laid out very methodically flitting between statistics and national figures as well as the authors own experiences.
I really loved the UK-centric approach of the book and how personal the book felt. Reading how Ugoala responded to events at the time and then after processing them as an adult was truly insightful and presented a really great road map for others to follow. Whilst none of the stories were shocking (am I desensitised from exposure at this point?), it was still disappointing to read the consistency of events - given that Ugoala likely had to select a handful, as opposed to an exhaustive list.
It's also a really good time to bring these issues to the forefront of discussions, where the fetishisation and misunderstanding of race and sexuality is still so common. Until these issues are addressed, change can't come and in a multi-cultural country like the UK, there's no time like the present.
AD-PR Gifted book from Tandem Collective, thank you so much for including me on the read-along!
Ugoala is a British-Nigerian actor turned author who shared a very poignant memoir-style non-fiction discussing the treatment of black men and women in the UK with a specific focus on race, sex and masculinity. The book is successfully laid out very methodically flitting between statistics and national figures as well as the authors own experiences.
I really loved the UK-centric approach of the book and how personal the book felt. Reading how Ugoala responded to events at the time and then after processing them as an adult was truly insightful and presented a really great road map for others to follow. Whilst none of the stories were shocking (am I desensitised from exposure at this point?), it was still disappointing to read the consistency of events - given that Ugoala likely had to select a handful, as opposed to an exhaustive list.
It's also a really good time to bring these issues to the forefront of discussions, where the fetishisation and misunderstanding of race and sexuality is still so common. Until these issues are addressed, change can't come and in a multi-cultural country like the UK, there's no time like the present.
AD-PR Gifted book from Tandem Collective, thank you so much for including me on the read-along!
March 23, 2022
As a straight white British man it would be easy to say I’ve never encountered racism, but that’s obviously not true. What I mean is I’ve never EXPERIENCED racism. Sadly I have encountered it many times and i’m thankful to say that I have been one to get involved against the aggressor, but this review isn’t about me. I don’t have to deal with this on a daily basis.
To say this book is great, wouldn’t feel right. That it needs to exist is a saddening fact, but it IS eye opening, moving, infuriating, insightful and masterfully put together.
The racism and prejudices documented throughout the book are obviously awful, but so were the other aspects that needed to be acknowledged, the fetishism and the fact that “the talk” is a whole different thing when you’re a person of colour are hard hitting points.
The flow of the book, the personal experience as well as various media(facts, statistics, quotes, interviews) really show both the research and the life experience.
I think its important that people read this book.
To say this book is great, wouldn’t feel right. That it needs to exist is a saddening fact, but it IS eye opening, moving, infuriating, insightful and masterfully put together.
The racism and prejudices documented throughout the book are obviously awful, but so were the other aspects that needed to be acknowledged, the fetishism and the fact that “the talk” is a whole different thing when you’re a person of colour are hard hitting points.
The flow of the book, the personal experience as well as various media(facts, statistics, quotes, interviews) really show both the research and the life experience.
I think its important that people read this book.
April 3, 2022
Huge fan of Obi from the musical theatre world, so when I found out he had a book coming out this year, it was very much anticipated and one of the books I was most looking forward to in 2022.
So, it really pains me to say that I really did not like this book.
I have read lots of books on similar topics over the years and this book just didn't connect with me. Was it a memoir? Was it a political statement? Was it educational? Unfortunately I felt like it was trying to be too many things, and therefore missed the mark on all of them. I wasn't sure what the point of the book was? What was I supposed to get from it?
I actually found it quite dull at times.
As I said, I'm so gutted I feel this way as I think Obi is great and I was hoping for so much from this book - but I really really didn't enjoy this at all, and I can't say what the book has left me with.
So, it really pains me to say that I really did not like this book.
I have read lots of books on similar topics over the years and this book just didn't connect with me. Was it a memoir? Was it a political statement? Was it educational? Unfortunately I felt like it was trying to be too many things, and therefore missed the mark on all of them. I wasn't sure what the point of the book was? What was I supposed to get from it?
I actually found it quite dull at times.
As I said, I'm so gutted I feel this way as I think Obi is great and I was hoping for so much from this book - but I really really didn't enjoy this at all, and I can't say what the book has left me with.
March 11, 2022
I jotted down so many notes that stood out to me when reading this but I am finding it hard to convey how important this is. This is a book that everyone should read.
The stereotype from the title of the book is just the tip of the iceberg and Obioma Ugoala delves deep into racism, sexism and masculinity.
Ugoala has written this very well with facts and statistics interspersed with his life as a man with Jamaican heritage on his father's side and Irish heritage on his mother's side, things that he came up against as a schoolkid, teenager, actor. The shackles comment on Obi's choral trip genuinely made me gasp.
When George Floyd was killed protests happened, companies posted a black square with the hashtag #blacklivesmatter but then what? I agree that it did feel like a token act. We see racism still happening in so many aspects of life today. People just speaking without realising that what they are saying is offensive. What needs to happen for us to change, as a society?
Two quotes that really stuck out to me were:
"Black people should feel grateful that their cup of wine is only a tenth mixed with cyanide, because previously it was half and half"
"Racism is not your fault but it's going to be your challenge"
Read this book.
The stereotype from the title of the book is just the tip of the iceberg and Obioma Ugoala delves deep into racism, sexism and masculinity.
Ugoala has written this very well with facts and statistics interspersed with his life as a man with Jamaican heritage on his father's side and Irish heritage on his mother's side, things that he came up against as a schoolkid, teenager, actor. The shackles comment on Obi's choral trip genuinely made me gasp.
When George Floyd was killed protests happened, companies posted a black square with the hashtag #blacklivesmatter but then what? I agree that it did feel like a token act. We see racism still happening in so many aspects of life today. People just speaking without realising that what they are saying is offensive. What needs to happen for us to change, as a society?
Two quotes that really stuck out to me were:
"Black people should feel grateful that their cup of wine is only a tenth mixed with cyanide, because previously it was half and half"
"Racism is not your fault but it's going to be your challenge"
Read this book.
December 1, 2023
I LOVE THE VULNERABILITY
Great themes but average writing style hence the 3 stars. Although the content is great I would've enjoyed more details. Like really get into the nitty gritty. Nonetheless, an enjoyable worthwhile read.
TAKEAWAYS:
- "if we are too embarrassed to even name the component parts of masculinity that intersect with race and sexuality, how can we ever hope to effect real change?"
- ON BAD APPLES; in naming these few examples, were we excusing the low level rot that was infecting police officers and our wider political discourse"?
- ON BEING A BLACK MALE " our pubescent penises would become the butt of years long running jokes about their size from friends and team mates who thought it both hilarious and rooted in truth, black penises were hilariously oversized, my 12 yr old peers had already internalised the idea that black men were more sexual than white men"
"Do we shut its down, do we accept it, its a compliment right? Did we believe it to be true?"
- ON RACISM ON POC MALES IN SCHOOL; Teachers would fear being called a racist yet the national stats show black African, black Caribbean and mixed race bots have some of the highest exclusion rates in the country, at least double of white counterparts. In all his schooling Obioma only had 5 black teachers. I didn't have a POC teacher until high school, and no black teachers.
- Perhaps if there were more diverse teaching staff they might have noted that for black boys raised by black fathers, society has told them that a professional hairstyle meant short back and sides, they might have even queried the value of extricating black students from a classroom would bring to a year group.
- My grandparents like many immigrants to Britain, believed that education and money were 2 insulations to racism in this country. My parents thought that being excellent in my chosen field was one of the first tools in keeping me safe, financially and bodily. I learnt white spaces would be more receptive of me when i modified my voice and code switched to sound more white
- Did my ability to be a vocal chameleon betray my blackness? was I justifying the insult my school peers called me 'bounty' black on outside, white on inside, or could my blackness be individual, defined by me and only me?
- 60% of children on remand in London are black. taking away youth centres and safe spaces fin community contributes to poverty of hope among yp who see little to no chance of a positive future.
- when it came to dating, playing the race card could give me an advantage none of my white classmates could have (big penis). I really enjoyed these reflections and understanding the complete mind fuck black men can experience over this like identity issues, being fetishized by women ' i want a big black cock'
- ON SPORT; black players seen as physically gifted rather than intelligent or creative the way white counterparts are praise, only 6 of 92 head coaches in Englands professional leagues are black or poc
- the fact that as a society we are more uncomfortable with the manner in which people protest than the deep injustice they are protesting speaks volumes
- I enjoyed the reflections on the tension between being anti colonial, but still trying to be culturally connected to their African heritage; he deep dives into LGTBQ rights its interesting
- I thought of how rarely white Britons are told that they can leave the country if they disapprove the direction the country is going in. Basically Obioma deconstructs the conservatives of black communities. This made me think differently. I had wondered about this, but it makes sense. I cant imagine being threatened by leaving my own country because of my political beliefs. I can criticize without being feared as seen as a cultural outsider!
The best way I can sum up this point above is that by aligning yourself ass anti colonialist you accept that nigerian values for example must be completely opposed to British values, that gender and sexuality norms must be more traditional HOWEVER these norms are actually all brought in from Victorian era colonial ideology.
- you cant get tangible change if you stay in the realm of a big complex problem. we need to focus on very specific tangible, bite sized and often local things.
It is a luxury to learn about racism rather than not experience it, we must not forget this. I must not forget this.
Great themes but average writing style hence the 3 stars. Although the content is great I would've enjoyed more details. Like really get into the nitty gritty. Nonetheless, an enjoyable worthwhile read.
TAKEAWAYS:
- "if we are too embarrassed to even name the component parts of masculinity that intersect with race and sexuality, how can we ever hope to effect real change?"
- ON BAD APPLES; in naming these few examples, were we excusing the low level rot that was infecting police officers and our wider political discourse"?
- ON BEING A BLACK MALE " our pubescent penises would become the butt of years long running jokes about their size from friends and team mates who thought it both hilarious and rooted in truth, black penises were hilariously oversized, my 12 yr old peers had already internalised the idea that black men were more sexual than white men"
"Do we shut its down, do we accept it, its a compliment right? Did we believe it to be true?"
- ON RACISM ON POC MALES IN SCHOOL; Teachers would fear being called a racist yet the national stats show black African, black Caribbean and mixed race bots have some of the highest exclusion rates in the country, at least double of white counterparts. In all his schooling Obioma only had 5 black teachers. I didn't have a POC teacher until high school, and no black teachers.
- Perhaps if there were more diverse teaching staff they might have noted that for black boys raised by black fathers, society has told them that a professional hairstyle meant short back and sides, they might have even queried the value of extricating black students from a classroom would bring to a year group.
- My grandparents like many immigrants to Britain, believed that education and money were 2 insulations to racism in this country. My parents thought that being excellent in my chosen field was one of the first tools in keeping me safe, financially and bodily. I learnt white spaces would be more receptive of me when i modified my voice and code switched to sound more white
- Did my ability to be a vocal chameleon betray my blackness? was I justifying the insult my school peers called me 'bounty' black on outside, white on inside, or could my blackness be individual, defined by me and only me?
- 60% of children on remand in London are black. taking away youth centres and safe spaces fin community contributes to poverty of hope among yp who see little to no chance of a positive future.
- when it came to dating, playing the race card could give me an advantage none of my white classmates could have (big penis). I really enjoyed these reflections and understanding the complete mind fuck black men can experience over this like identity issues, being fetishized by women ' i want a big black cock'
- ON SPORT; black players seen as physically gifted rather than intelligent or creative the way white counterparts are praise, only 6 of 92 head coaches in Englands professional leagues are black or poc
- the fact that as a society we are more uncomfortable with the manner in which people protest than the deep injustice they are protesting speaks volumes
- I enjoyed the reflections on the tension between being anti colonial, but still trying to be culturally connected to their African heritage; he deep dives into LGTBQ rights its interesting
- I thought of how rarely white Britons are told that they can leave the country if they disapprove the direction the country is going in. Basically Obioma deconstructs the conservatives of black communities. This made me think differently. I had wondered about this, but it makes sense. I cant imagine being threatened by leaving my own country because of my political beliefs. I can criticize without being feared as seen as a cultural outsider!
The best way I can sum up this point above is that by aligning yourself ass anti colonialist you accept that nigerian values for example must be completely opposed to British values, that gender and sexuality norms must be more traditional HOWEVER these norms are actually all brought in from Victorian era colonial ideology.
- you cant get tangible change if you stay in the realm of a big complex problem. we need to focus on very specific tangible, bite sized and often local things.
It is a luxury to learn about racism rather than not experience it, we must not forget this. I must not forget this.
May 12, 2022
The Problem With My N----- Penis
By Obioma Ugoala
A very interesting memoir that focuses on a young actors journey from childhood through to his teenage years to adulthood where he faces many uncomfortable and complicated truths, social situations, opportunities and encounters.
The book allows us to look at our British ways and rethink our approach and our reaction to society and to try and move away from learnt stereotypes.
It is a book that exposes the system and the way that we perceive masculinity, sexuality and race.
An educational book 📖 ✨️
If we all showed each other a little more empathy, understanding and love, the world would be a better place!
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️from me!🤓
By Obioma Ugoala
A very interesting memoir that focuses on a young actors journey from childhood through to his teenage years to adulthood where he faces many uncomfortable and complicated truths, social situations, opportunities and encounters.
The book allows us to look at our British ways and rethink our approach and our reaction to society and to try and move away from learnt stereotypes.
It is a book that exposes the system and the way that we perceive masculinity, sexuality and race.
An educational book 📖 ✨️
If we all showed each other a little more empathy, understanding and love, the world would be a better place!
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️from me!🤓
May 11, 2024
4.5 stars. I came across this while holidaying in London and it was in one of the huge Waterstones, on display. The title was intriguing. This is a series of very thoughtfully written essays by Ugoala about being a Black man in Britain. He talks about his experiences with racism, fetishism, masculinity, internalized racism, misogyny, the whole gamut, and situates it in the broader context of race in the UK and its colonial legacy, with references to the US. I really enjoyed how articulate the essays were. I hope to read more books by men of color writing about the intersection of gender and race.
February 5, 2023
Insightful memoir which is both critical and hopeful about the changing attitudes towards Black masculinity in the UK. A great book to inspire those looking for solutions to improve the current state of affairs.
May 14, 2022
Very insightful and gracefully written by Ugoala. I loved how he takes us from part to part through deep questioning too around intersectional questions. A liberating read and great learning moment.
May 30, 2022
Really thought-provoking and well researched. The author did a fantastic job with the narration. I’ll be buying a physical copy of this for a more in-depth investigation. Highly recommended!
October 6, 2022
Gooood! Thought it would touch more on masculinity tho
March 31, 2023
This should be a book on every curriculum in schools across the world, and everyone who wants to understand the sentiment.
June 9, 2023
This book is part memoir and part the writers thoughts and experience of racism! I learned so many ways I had to improve or learn something new.
November 7, 2023
Beautifully written
January 27, 2024
This is an excellent book! Thought provoking mixed with levity in a way that really works. Highly recommend!
March 3, 2023
fantastic work of non-fiction that is incredibly raw, uncomfortable at points, and very emotive
highly recommend
highly recommend
March 22, 2023
Entertaining audio book listened in scribd
I have learned that the author is a man of mixed Nigerian and Irish heritage and throughout his life, whether in the classroom, the changing room, or the bedroom, he has had to contend with people failing to address their own prejudices about what they conceive a Black man to be.
More in detail, "Obioma Ugoala is an actor, activist, singer, writer, Arsenal supporter and rugby player. A brother, son and loyal friend whose passions and influences range from Mozart to Mariah Carey, from The Karate Kid to Sidney Poitier. He is also a man of mixed Nigerian and Irish heritage and throughout his life, whether in the classroom, the changing room, the rehearsal room or the bedroom, he has had to contend with people failing to address their own prejudices about what they conceive a Black man to be.
I would highlight the story about racism in football, involving Rio Ferdinand and John Terry.
"Nothing can be changed, until it is faced"
In this ground-breaking and revealing account, Ugoala confronts these prejudices head on, challenging notions of race, sex and masculinity that have over centuries become embedded in British society, poisoning the public discourse and blighting people’s lives – including, on occasion, his own. With unflinching honesty, Ugoala talks about his own experiences and challenges us all to face our personal failings, while offering a vision of a more positive future if we dare to do better."
I have learned that the author is a man of mixed Nigerian and Irish heritage and throughout his life, whether in the classroom, the changing room, or the bedroom, he has had to contend with people failing to address their own prejudices about what they conceive a Black man to be.
More in detail, "Obioma Ugoala is an actor, activist, singer, writer, Arsenal supporter and rugby player. A brother, son and loyal friend whose passions and influences range from Mozart to Mariah Carey, from The Karate Kid to Sidney Poitier. He is also a man of mixed Nigerian and Irish heritage and throughout his life, whether in the classroom, the changing room, the rehearsal room or the bedroom, he has had to contend with people failing to address their own prejudices about what they conceive a Black man to be.
I would highlight the story about racism in football, involving Rio Ferdinand and John Terry.
"Nothing can be changed, until it is faced"
In this ground-breaking and revealing account, Ugoala confronts these prejudices head on, challenging notions of race, sex and masculinity that have over centuries become embedded in British society, poisoning the public discourse and blighting people’s lives – including, on occasion, his own. With unflinching honesty, Ugoala talks about his own experiences and challenges us all to face our personal failings, while offering a vision of a more positive future if we dare to do better."
Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews