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The Problem with My Normal Penis: Myths of Race, Sex and Masculinity
An Evening Standard 'One to Watch' in 2022
A POWERFUL MEMOIR AND MANIFESTO CHALLENGING WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A BLACK MAN IN BRITAIN
You’re a black man.
Aggressive. Athletic.
Feared. Fetishised.
Policed. Politicised.
It’s limiting. It’s tiring. And it’s not true.
In this important and inspiring book, Obioma Ugoala tells his own story as he examines the problems with how race, sex and masculinity are portrayed and experienced by Black men – and how to change that.
‘Whipsmart and refreshingly vulnerable. In this book, Obioma Ugoala brilliantly exposes the systems and the individuals that have long perpetuated dangerous and irresponsible ideals around Blackness and masculinity.’ Candice Carty-Williams, author of Queenie
“A blisteringly honest take on contemporary Britishness that manages to be both nuanced and shocking. Highly recommended.” Afua Hirsch, author of Brit(ish)
"A valiant venture of a book that is somehow both tender memoir and unflinching excavation of the sociological blights that affect both self and society. Looking outward, inwards and forward, it lucidly explores complicated truths. Hopeful and honest, uncomfortable and encouraging, it is a book this country needs." Bolu Babalola, author of Love in Colour
“An urgent, personal, compassionate book that never backs away from the difficulty of what we are facing but provides a forgiving mirror and a useable map so we can truly reflect & navigate. Obioma Ugoala’s treatise should be a set text for a world in crisis.” Deborah Frances White
'In his enquiring memoir, he astutely explores where the expectations of his race and masculinity meet, unpicking and challenging his past experiences of prejudice. His personal stories are told in the context of the wider culture, and the book is a compassionate rallying cry to be more conscious.' Evening Standard
‘Why can’t I be seen for who I am? What is the problem with my normal penis?’
Obioma Ugoala is an actor, activist, singer, writer, Arsenal supporter and rugby player. A brother, son and loyal friend whose passions and influences range from Mozart to Mariah Carey, from The Karate Kid to Sidney Poitier. He is also a man of mixed Nigerian and Irish heritage and throughout his life, whether in the classroom, the changing room, the rehearsal room or the bedroom, he has had to contend with people failing to address their own prejudices about what they conceive a Black man to be.
In this ground-breaking and revealing account, Ugoala confronts these prejudices head on, challenging notions of race, sex and masculinity that have over centuries become embedded in British society, poisoning the public discourse and blighting people’s lives – including, on occasion, his own. With unflinching honesty, Ugoala talks about his own experiences and challenges us all to face our personal failings, while offering a vision of a more positive future if we dare to do better.
A POWERFUL MEMOIR AND MANIFESTO CHALLENGING WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A BLACK MAN IN BRITAIN
You’re a black man.
Aggressive. Athletic.
Feared. Fetishised.
Policed. Politicised.
It’s limiting. It’s tiring. And it’s not true.
In this important and inspiring book, Obioma Ugoala tells his own story as he examines the problems with how race, sex and masculinity are portrayed and experienced by Black men – and how to change that.
‘Whipsmart and refreshingly vulnerable. In this book, Obioma Ugoala brilliantly exposes the systems and the individuals that have long perpetuated dangerous and irresponsible ideals around Blackness and masculinity.’ Candice Carty-Williams, author of Queenie
“A blisteringly honest take on contemporary Britishness that manages to be both nuanced and shocking. Highly recommended.” Afua Hirsch, author of Brit(ish)
"A valiant venture of a book that is somehow both tender memoir and unflinching excavation of the sociological blights that affect both self and society. Looking outward, inwards and forward, it lucidly explores complicated truths. Hopeful and honest, uncomfortable and encouraging, it is a book this country needs." Bolu Babalola, author of Love in Colour
“An urgent, personal, compassionate book that never backs away from the difficulty of what we are facing but provides a forgiving mirror and a useable map so we can truly reflect & navigate. Obioma Ugoala’s treatise should be a set text for a world in crisis.” Deborah Frances White
'In his enquiring memoir, he astutely explores where the expectations of his race and masculinity meet, unpicking and challenging his past experiences of prejudice. His personal stories are told in the context of the wider culture, and the book is a compassionate rallying cry to be more conscious.' Evening Standard
‘Why can’t I be seen for who I am? What is the problem with my normal penis?’
Obioma Ugoala is an actor, activist, singer, writer, Arsenal supporter and rugby player. A brother, son and loyal friend whose passions and influences range from Mozart to Mariah Carey, from The Karate Kid to Sidney Poitier. He is also a man of mixed Nigerian and Irish heritage and throughout his life, whether in the classroom, the changing room, the rehearsal room or the bedroom, he has had to contend with people failing to address their own prejudices about what they conceive a Black man to be.
In this ground-breaking and revealing account, Ugoala confronts these prejudices head on, challenging notions of race, sex and masculinity that have over centuries become embedded in British society, poisoning the public discourse and blighting people’s lives – including, on occasion, his own. With unflinching honesty, Ugoala talks about his own experiences and challenges us all to face our personal failings, while offering a vision of a more positive future if we dare to do better.
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Audiobook
Published March 31, 2022
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Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews
April 11, 2022
"It is a luxury to learn about rather than experience the effects of racism." Says Obioma Ugoala. Whether you do, or do not, experience racism directly, it affects you so I recommend that you read this book. If you don't know why it affects you, then you definitely need to learn from this book.
I do not generally re-read books but I will 100% be re-reading this. There was so much information to digest that I often had to stop and just sit with new knowledge, or let certain scenes that Obioma Ugoala writes about with candour, register with me.
The book has an easy to read style but it addresses some very "uneasy" topics. For me, this made it very accessible and readable - something so important when discussing and/or learning about race, sexuality, masculinity and the intersection of all three. Don't mistake accessibility and readability for anything other than a writing style comment, because this book includes content that will, and should, make you uncomfortable. It will make you re-assess just how much you understand race and Black sexuality and masculinity, in the particular context of modern Britain.
It feels like part-memoir, part call to action and it doesn't flow in any kind of chronological order. At first, this threw me as it felt a little "disorganised".
However, it does have thematic organisation, with chapters including "Black Exceptionalism and Bounties" and "The Un-Blackness of Queerness".
The author writes with honesty and admits his own flaws because he acknowledges that "human beings are defined by the pluralities of their experiences". He notes that we can not only be harmed but also cause harm and, crucially, we must learn from the harm we cause.
I could honestly go on about this book for ages but the best thing you could do is go read it for yourself. Then read it again.
I do not generally re-read books but I will 100% be re-reading this. There was so much information to digest that I often had to stop and just sit with new knowledge, or let certain scenes that Obioma Ugoala writes about with candour, register with me.
The book has an easy to read style but it addresses some very "uneasy" topics. For me, this made it very accessible and readable - something so important when discussing and/or learning about race, sexuality, masculinity and the intersection of all three. Don't mistake accessibility and readability for anything other than a writing style comment, because this book includes content that will, and should, make you uncomfortable. It will make you re-assess just how much you understand race and Black sexuality and masculinity, in the particular context of modern Britain.
It feels like part-memoir, part call to action and it doesn't flow in any kind of chronological order. At first, this threw me as it felt a little "disorganised".
However, it does have thematic organisation, with chapters including "Black Exceptionalism and Bounties" and "The Un-Blackness of Queerness".
The author writes with honesty and admits his own flaws because he acknowledges that "human beings are defined by the pluralities of their experiences". He notes that we can not only be harmed but also cause harm and, crucially, we must learn from the harm we cause.
I could honestly go on about this book for ages but the best thing you could do is go read it for yourself. Then read it again.
January 25, 2025
4.5 . Really thought provoking book about important issues.
June 18, 2022
this is such an important book about the intersections of race, sexuality & masculinity from a british perspective. although this book is part memoir/part informative, i do wish it focussed a little more on the autobiographical elements as i found some of the examples a little underdeveloped as someone who studies politics.
however i think this is a great exploration of areas of oppression within the uk and i would recommend it to anyone looking for an accessible but interesting non fiction!
however i think this is a great exploration of areas of oppression within the uk and i would recommend it to anyone looking for an accessible but interesting non fiction!
March 21, 2025
I bought this book by renowned actor Obioma Ugoala when it was first released; it has since been re-released with the much better title The Making of a Man. It is a memoir focusing on Ugoala’s experiences of racism and sexism in his life and career, along with reflections on the complexities of masculinity. It’s also an argument for change, and a challenge to us all to improve society.
There was much in Ugoala’s account that I found shocking. For example, we’re of a broadly similar age, and it is astonishing to me that someone growing up at the same time as me could have been the victim of openly racist remarks from his teachers. It opened my eyes, as did many of the experiences that followed. His account of being told, as part of his upbringing, that ‘racism is not your fault, but it’s going to be your challenge’ was deeply moving—and to hear that having this sort of conversation is a ‘standard’ part of childhood for black children in the UK is heartbreaking.
And yet, the thing that struck me most about this book was Ugoala’s capacity for forgiveness. He talks about forgiving his teachers, for example, and explains repeatedly how he does not blame many of those who have demonstrated terrible behaviour towards him. His deep-rooted belief in the need to improve society, to tackle problems systemically and at a population level, results in an inspiring and superhuman ability to avoid pouring opprobrium on individuals. I found it extraordinary, and I can only aspire to his capacity.
This was an inspiring and insightful read, perhaps even uplifting, albeit one that reveals some deep-seated problems in our society.
There was much in Ugoala’s account that I found shocking. For example, we’re of a broadly similar age, and it is astonishing to me that someone growing up at the same time as me could have been the victim of openly racist remarks from his teachers. It opened my eyes, as did many of the experiences that followed. His account of being told, as part of his upbringing, that ‘racism is not your fault, but it’s going to be your challenge’ was deeply moving—and to hear that having this sort of conversation is a ‘standard’ part of childhood for black children in the UK is heartbreaking.
And yet, the thing that struck me most about this book was Ugoala’s capacity for forgiveness. He talks about forgiving his teachers, for example, and explains repeatedly how he does not blame many of those who have demonstrated terrible behaviour towards him. His deep-rooted belief in the need to improve society, to tackle problems systemically and at a population level, results in an inspiring and superhuman ability to avoid pouring opprobrium on individuals. I found it extraordinary, and I can only aspire to his capacity.
This was an inspiring and insightful read, perhaps even uplifting, albeit one that reveals some deep-seated problems in our society.
December 30, 2024
In a similar vein to other books I’ve read before, including “Hung” by Scott Poulson-Bryant and “Uncomfortable Conversations with a Black Man” by Emmanuel Acho, focused on issues of race, gender and sexuality. Important works all, this one unique for its British perspective and how these can present in society there. I particularly appreciated the final chapter “Making the Change” for how it addresses expectations and identifies what is likely the best approach to positive forward movement.
May 3, 2022
Thank you so much to the publishers for providing me with an eArc of this book!!
The title may shock many people, but honestly, this is such an important memoir to read.
This book was so thought-provoking and one to definitely read and recommend to others. Obioma shares his own personal experience with being a black man and embracing both of his cultures. As a stage actor, I was very intrigued to read about his experiences and also shocked.
This is a great book for people to read to educate themselves on the continued racism in Britain and honestly around the world. Ugoala's experience is one of many, and we all need to step up and educate ourselves further so we can educate ourselves and future generations to come.
This is another book that I will be adding to the stack of books that people must read!
The title may shock many people, but honestly, this is such an important memoir to read.
This book was so thought-provoking and one to definitely read and recommend to others. Obioma shares his own personal experience with being a black man and embracing both of his cultures. As a stage actor, I was very intrigued to read about his experiences and also shocked.
This is a great book for people to read to educate themselves on the continued racism in Britain and honestly around the world. Ugoala's experience is one of many, and we all need to step up and educate ourselves further so we can educate ourselves and future generations to come.
This is another book that I will be adding to the stack of books that people must read!
August 7, 2024
As a black woman who grew up in a family of mostly females, very enlightening. I never understood why there was the misogyny and homophobia from those who also faced discrimination and hatred. This book explains it.
The rasism and stereotyping were well analysed with humanness.
The rasism and stereotyping were well analysed with humanness.
December 23, 2023
A thoughtful, thought-provoking and sensitive look at race, sex and masculinity both in the UK and abroad.
Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews