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Хватит быть для всех хорошей! Как выстроить личные границы и перестать делать то, чего не хочешь
Вы когда-нибудь притворялись, будто забыли о том, что вам должны денег? Смеялись вместе со всеми над шуткой, задевающей ваши чувства? Благодарили парикмахера за стрижку, которая совсем не похожа на ту, что вы просили? Никто не хочет прослыть грубиянкой. Девочек с детства учат быть воспитанными, скромными, мягкими. В результате из вежливости мы часто соглашается, смиряемся, делаем вид, что не заметили, нас не задело, терпим. Но иногда единственный выход из ситуации – сказать, что думаешь, настоять на своем, не согласиться. Эта книга поможет научиться отстаивать себя и говорить "нет" без стеснения и угрызений совести, добиваться целей в карьере и любви, заслужить уважение и желание других считаться с вашим мнением.
320 pages, Hardcover
Published June 4, 2021
23 people are currently reading
432 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 40 reviews
January 25, 2021
Rude: Stop Being Nice and Start Being Bold by Rebecca Reid is an interesting self-help book for woman about valuing yourself.
I found Rude to be very helpful and an interesting perspective. Reid describes ways that avoiding what someone perceives as Rude can really hurt everyone involved. This was a way of looking at things I never would’ve come up with on my own. There were so many situations Reid described that were so relatable and showed I could’ve handled things better by being rude. I thought Reid did a great job explaining how important it is for woman to be “rude” and give advice on how to be. This book was the perfect mix of real life examples, pop culture references, and descriptions.
I recommend Rude to anyone looking for a self-help book to be more assertive or just looking for an interesting perspective on putting yourself first.
Thank you Simon & Schuster, NetGalley, and Edelweiss for Rude.
Full Review: https://justreadingjess.wordpress.com...
I found Rude to be very helpful and an interesting perspective. Reid describes ways that avoiding what someone perceives as Rude can really hurt everyone involved. This was a way of looking at things I never would’ve come up with on my own. There were so many situations Reid described that were so relatable and showed I could’ve handled things better by being rude. I thought Reid did a great job explaining how important it is for woman to be “rude” and give advice on how to be. This book was the perfect mix of real life examples, pop culture references, and descriptions.
I recommend Rude to anyone looking for a self-help book to be more assertive or just looking for an interesting perspective on putting yourself first.
Thank you Simon & Schuster, NetGalley, and Edelweiss for Rude.
Full Review: https://justreadingjess.wordpress.com...
December 30, 2020
The power of being rude: aka speaking up for yourself and the having confidence and tact to get what you need. These reminders fly in the face of traditional feminine politeness and I’m here for it. I loved the daily reminders (correcting people on my name, for instance) of how to show up for ourselves and be heard.
June 17, 2021
For women programed from girlhood to be passive, the practice of putting their desires at the bottom of the heap is a hard habit to break. ‘Rude’ is a quick read encouraging women to be direct and get what they need out of sex, work, friendships and more.
I related to many of topics in this book from personal experience. For one, I’ve felt the pain of discovering I was being paid much less than my male colleagues, while I had been on the job longer and performed better. I am still angry and this was years ago. It makes me sad the world is set up this way. It’s crap that the burden of getting a fair shake is on women to find work arounds. This book is useful on a personal level of trying to deprogram yourself, but what I’m saying is, our whole culture needs to be deprogrammed.
Another thing, some of Reid’s examples of true life heroines had such horrible endings. Why use Anne Boleyn? It’s like those Hollywood movies where fun-loving women pay for their ways by driving off a cliff. I feel like there are better examples. Also there was a lot of British-ness in the true life stories.
Overall, yes, I enjoyed this read and recommend it.
I related to many of topics in this book from personal experience. For one, I’ve felt the pain of discovering I was being paid much less than my male colleagues, while I had been on the job longer and performed better. I am still angry and this was years ago. It makes me sad the world is set up this way. It’s crap that the burden of getting a fair shake is on women to find work arounds. This book is useful on a personal level of trying to deprogram yourself, but what I’m saying is, our whole culture needs to be deprogrammed.
Another thing, some of Reid’s examples of true life heroines had such horrible endings. Why use Anne Boleyn? It’s like those Hollywood movies where fun-loving women pay for their ways by driving off a cliff. I feel like there are better examples. Also there was a lot of British-ness in the true life stories.
Overall, yes, I enjoyed this read and recommend it.
May 21, 2021
i feel this book was written for me. i have drank many wrong coffees, paid $$$ tips for ugly manicures, endured too many random convos when i could have just walked away, and made myself as small as possible so the stranger next to me can have both of the armrests to themselves.
being rude is recognizing your needs is just as important as other people's
is feeling okay saying "im not interested" instead of "i have a boyfriend" so as to not hurt a stranger's ego
is not feeling like a karen for returning an order or request a redo of your haircut
the book is so readable, down-to-earth and empowering. it offered many examples of how to be positively rude in different situations, and how it can usually benefit everyone.
being rude is recognizing your needs is just as important as other people's
is feeling okay saying "im not interested" instead of "i have a boyfriend" so as to not hurt a stranger's ego
is not feeling like a karen for returning an order or request a redo of your haircut
the book is so readable, down-to-earth and empowering. it offered many examples of how to be positively rude in different situations, and how it can usually benefit everyone.
January 23, 2022
One of those books that changes your life (for the better).
October 9, 2022
5/5 Stars: I really, really enjoyed this book. It’s mostly written for female audiences, as it relates a lot to the female experience of being excessively nice and accommodating to avoid being perceived as ‘rude.’ Rather than teaching readers how to be rude, the book relates more about how to be positively assertive about various aspects of adult life.
The book is broken up into 9 parts: Rude to your friends; to your family; about dating; about sex; about weddings; as a consumer; at work; about money; and about health. Of these 9, I have already seen myself asserting what I think, want or need, in relation to friends, dating, customer service, and work. Here’s an example: I started a new role at my job, and my direct line manager told me he would be on PTO during the first three weeks of my rotation. Instead of anticipating he would know what I needed to start, I asked him if he could put together an onboarding roadmap to follow (documents, videos, webinars, etc) on a week-by-week basis until he returned from PTO. He did so happily, and opened doors with other leaders for additional questions or guidance.
I have done the same thing when hanging out with my friends (“I know we’re having fun, but this place is super sketchy - can we leave?”), with dating (“I prefer [this] over [this]”), with customer service (“I’ve never had ube boba before, but it sounds interesting. Can I try it before ordering?”), and work (“Before we continue, can you tell me what [acronym] means? How is this project important to the greater goal of the team?”)
Overall, it’s not groundbreaking information or the newest entry into the modern classics. But I recommend it all women, but especially those who have been told to stop apologizing so much, or who are afraid to speak up from time to time.
The book is broken up into 9 parts: Rude to your friends; to your family; about dating; about sex; about weddings; as a consumer; at work; about money; and about health. Of these 9, I have already seen myself asserting what I think, want or need, in relation to friends, dating, customer service, and work. Here’s an example: I started a new role at my job, and my direct line manager told me he would be on PTO during the first three weeks of my rotation. Instead of anticipating he would know what I needed to start, I asked him if he could put together an onboarding roadmap to follow (documents, videos, webinars, etc) on a week-by-week basis until he returned from PTO. He did so happily, and opened doors with other leaders for additional questions or guidance.
I have done the same thing when hanging out with my friends (“I know we’re having fun, but this place is super sketchy - can we leave?”), with dating (“I prefer [this] over [this]”), with customer service (“I’ve never had ube boba before, but it sounds interesting. Can I try it before ordering?”), and work (“Before we continue, can you tell me what [acronym] means? How is this project important to the greater goal of the team?”)
Overall, it’s not groundbreaking information or the newest entry into the modern classics. But I recommend it all women, but especially those who have been told to stop apologizing so much, or who are afraid to speak up from time to time.
August 13, 2022
listened to this in the car on the way to michigan and i will be recommending this book to every woman i know
April 13, 2024
SPOKE TO MY SOUL
Read
December 3, 2025Stop overly apologizing. “Sorry I’m late” ➡️ “Thank you for waiting for me.” Be bold about your boundaries and what you actually want.
January 5, 2024
It was gift from my sister. The book was a refreshing reminder for a pathological people pleaser like me. I slowly incorporate several of the tips/advices into my daily life. I love at the very end of each chapter, there are examples from real life people.
November 11, 2020
Rude: Stop Being Nice and Start Being Bold looks at how women are conditioned to always act “nice,” and how when they act assertive, they are labeled “rude,” among other harsh titles such as “diva,” “high maintenance,” and “pushy.” Reid shows the places and situations in one’s life when it is better to act in a “positive rude” way rather than adopting a self-sacrificing “nice” persona. The book covers the areas of friends, family, dating, sex, weddings, consumer, work, money, and health. The consumer section takes a close look at working with hairstylists, the service industry, and the best practice for how to complain when services and products fall short of expectations. The health section provides specific guidance on “lady problems,” fat shaming, miscarriages, and giving birth. Each of the nine main section is followed tips on being the right kind of rude and include a nod to a famous person role model e.g. Taylor Swift, Anne Boleyn, Rosa Parks, and Meghan Markle.
The book contains lots of interesting and actionable information and is written in a straightforward and accessible manner. I like the focus on “positive” rudeness, which is based on the concept that a woman’s needs are as valid and equally important as those of others. The dating section talks about how women are conditioned to deliver “nice” rejections, often lying about having a significant other rather than admitting to a lack of interest, and how not letting people, men in particular, experience honest rejection can create a culture of entitlement. This, in an extreme case, can contribute to violence against women due to that entitlement.
In the section on work, the author shares a concept called “hepeating” where a man repeats something a woman has said in a meeting and gets credit for her idea, because it becomes somehow more palatable coming from a man. Also, this section addresses the ways women have learned to soften their email communications and have been conditioned to apologize.
I enjoyed not only the content, but the way the book is organized, the end of chapter summaries, and the famous person role models. In my opinion, some of the sections could have been expanded, but nevertheless Rude is an empowering read.
I voluntarily read and reviewed an advanced copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.
Thanks to NetGalley and Simon & Schuster for providing an Advance Reader Copy.
The book contains lots of interesting and actionable information and is written in a straightforward and accessible manner. I like the focus on “positive” rudeness, which is based on the concept that a woman’s needs are as valid and equally important as those of others. The dating section talks about how women are conditioned to deliver “nice” rejections, often lying about having a significant other rather than admitting to a lack of interest, and how not letting people, men in particular, experience honest rejection can create a culture of entitlement. This, in an extreme case, can contribute to violence against women due to that entitlement.
In the section on work, the author shares a concept called “hepeating” where a man repeats something a woman has said in a meeting and gets credit for her idea, because it becomes somehow more palatable coming from a man. Also, this section addresses the ways women have learned to soften their email communications and have been conditioned to apologize.
I enjoyed not only the content, but the way the book is organized, the end of chapter summaries, and the famous person role models. In my opinion, some of the sections could have been expanded, but nevertheless Rude is an empowering read.
I voluntarily read and reviewed an advanced copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.
Thanks to NetGalley and Simon & Schuster for providing an Advance Reader Copy.
June 22, 2022
So much good stuff in this book! A refreshing read and a great book to pass on to my two girls who will soon be teenagers. Divided into important chapters of life such as friendships, dating, sex, marriage, this book gives many helpful tips and tricks to be honest without being hurtful. I myself am a “rude” girl with my family but I still need some help being rude in other areas of my life, so this was a fun read.
Here are some of my favorite parts:
Rebecca writes, “As little girls we are told over and over again to wait our turn, to share nicely, to say please and thank you, and not to interrupt. Then as adults, we wait our turn…we say please when we want to speak…But in trying to teach us not to be rude, our parents programmed us to be the architects of our own oppression. The lessons that we are taught as little girls are the exact lessons that oppress us when we grow up.”
Me- I am making an effort to change this for my two girls. I hope that by the time they are on their own, I have done my best to instill in them the confidence to speak up.
Rebecca “The idea that women have neat little circles of female friends, all of whom adore one another, is something of a fiction…Liberate yourself from that aspiration and you’ll feel a whole lot freer…It’s fine not to love everyone in your social circle equally, but when you get to the stage where you are spending hours of your life humoring someone you don’t really like, you’ve got to ask why.”
Me- yes!! We don’t need to love everyone the same and I no longer spend my time and energy with a pessimist. Since I am an energy absorber, it brings me down. We can talk about bad shit together, but the outcome I want my friend to be seeking is an end result of a positive future.
“Good rude is direct, fair, and tactful. Bad rude is self serving and selfish.”
On dating she writes “It’s far better to explain that the chemistry isn’t there than to just go silent.”
Me- I found this statement to be especially true the year I went on 50 dates before finding my Husband. I found that when I was honest, the men really couldn’t keep calling me after and I felt so free. And some of the men actually thought I was so brave and enjoyed my honesty.
Me- Being “rude” at work or for emails you can use the shit sandwich trick. Compliment, critique, compliment.
Here are some of my favorite parts:
Rebecca writes, “As little girls we are told over and over again to wait our turn, to share nicely, to say please and thank you, and not to interrupt. Then as adults, we wait our turn…we say please when we want to speak…But in trying to teach us not to be rude, our parents programmed us to be the architects of our own oppression. The lessons that we are taught as little girls are the exact lessons that oppress us when we grow up.”
Me- I am making an effort to change this for my two girls. I hope that by the time they are on their own, I have done my best to instill in them the confidence to speak up.
Rebecca “The idea that women have neat little circles of female friends, all of whom adore one another, is something of a fiction…Liberate yourself from that aspiration and you’ll feel a whole lot freer…It’s fine not to love everyone in your social circle equally, but when you get to the stage where you are spending hours of your life humoring someone you don’t really like, you’ve got to ask why.”
Me- yes!! We don’t need to love everyone the same and I no longer spend my time and energy with a pessimist. Since I am an energy absorber, it brings me down. We can talk about bad shit together, but the outcome I want my friend to be seeking is an end result of a positive future.
“Good rude is direct, fair, and tactful. Bad rude is self serving and selfish.”
On dating she writes “It’s far better to explain that the chemistry isn’t there than to just go silent.”
Me- I found this statement to be especially true the year I went on 50 dates before finding my Husband. I found that when I was honest, the men really couldn’t keep calling me after and I felt so free. And some of the men actually thought I was so brave and enjoyed my honesty.
Me- Being “rude” at work or for emails you can use the shit sandwich trick. Compliment, critique, compliment.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
October 31, 2021
This was phenomenal! As in mind blowing, my sister and I burned through this book in a few days!!! And I've had the BIGGEST revelations of my life, reflecting from her words!! At first, when my sister gave it to me and starting quoting the book, I was like, "Yeah, sure, I'll read it." But from the first few pages, I was hooked. The little examples she gave of how she's too nice in her every day life--I realized ... this is me! This is my life!!! And as I read more, it became more and more apparent that I was losing more of myself by not speaking up to all these little things--because I don't want to make a fuss, don't want to hurt someone's feelings, because I avoid conflict... but like the author says, "It's death by 1000 cuts." Being too nice, not speaking up, and getting walked on or doing more work just because you were too nice to speak up ... it becomes who you are.
I didn't know how badly I needed this book!
I am constantly finding more and more ways in my life where I put others' needs/emotions over my own. And I keep thinking of this book and how I can reclaim myself.
Thank you SOOO incredibly much for writing this! This is a game-changer, a life-changer and I am so grateful for stumbling across this book!!
I didn't know how badly I needed this book!
I am constantly finding more and more ways in my life where I put others' needs/emotions over my own. And I keep thinking of this book and how I can reclaim myself.
Thank you SOOO incredibly much for writing this! This is a game-changer, a life-changer and I am so grateful for stumbling across this book!!
February 21, 2021
This is the ultimate self-help book for all of us brought up to be "nice girls" above all else. When the author puts her finger to her lips and shushes a fellow guest during a TV interview because she couldn't get a word in edgewise the back lash that follows is swift and eye-opening. Nick named "Rebecca Rude" by society, the author uses this event to reevaluate what society (especially British society) teaches little girls and embarks on a journey to teach "Positive Rudeness." She realized that many times a day she allowed herself to be asked to do something she would rather not or found herself apologizing for something that really wasn't her fault. Sound familiar? Organized into common areas like family, friends, work, money and sex, each chapter outlines common issues where "niceness" will take you down the wrong path and then offers positive ways to avoid them. There is a short story about a prime example of a well-known individual who exemplifies the height of rudeness in the chapter and finally a summary of the chapter - talking points to help the reader through each situation. Very thought provoking and readable.
March 16, 2022
Невероятно мотивирующая и познавательная книга.
Я словно бы посмотрела на свою жизнь со стороны и смогла вычленить из нее моменты, когда поступила неправильно, когда надо было лишь применить силу грубости. Правильной грубости.
Поначалу применение этой силы казалось мне непозволительным, но автору удалось объяснить мне причины появления таких мыслей. То есть, отчего девочкам вообще приходится задумываться о том, что они поступают грубо в тех или иных ситуациях? И как нам это исправить.
Ребекка Рид откровенно рассказывает об особенностях женской физиологии, о правах, которые женщина имеет, но ими не пользуется и призывает не стыдиться говорить на ранее запретные для нас темы.
У нас у всех бывают проблемы со здоровьем, у всех есть проблемы в сексуальной жизни и автор мотивирует выходить на разговор и честно общаться со всеми, начиная со своих родных и заканчивая знакомыми.
Мне кажется, что эту книгу стоит прочесть замкнутым и тревожным людям, так как многие причины их поведения могут заключаться в непринятии своего тела, своих проблем и в желании быть "удобной". Как это было у меня.
Будьте здоровыми и применяйте силу правильной грубости!
Я словно бы посмотрела на свою жизнь со стороны и смогла вычленить из нее моменты, когда поступила неправильно, когда надо было лишь применить силу грубости. Правильной грубости.
Поначалу применение этой силы казалось мне непозволительным, но автору удалось объяснить мне причины появления таких мыслей. То есть, отчего девочкам вообще приходится задумываться о том, что они поступают грубо в тех или иных ситуациях? И как нам это исправить.
Ребекка Рид откровенно рассказывает об особенностях женской физиологии, о правах, которые женщина имеет, но ими не пользуется и призывает не стыдиться говорить на ранее запретные для нас темы.
У нас у всех бывают проблемы со здоровьем, у всех есть проблемы в сексуальной жизни и автор мотивирует выходить на разговор и честно общаться со всеми, начиная со своих родных и заканчивая знакомыми.
Мне кажется, что эту книгу стоит прочесть замкнутым и тревожным людям, так как многие причины их поведения могут заключаться в непринятии своего тела, своих проблем и в желании быть "удобной". Как это было у меня.
Будьте здоровыми и применяйте силу правильной грубости!
June 25, 2025
Of course, I don't follow this author's advice, or I've tried my best not to. I have never done such a thing in any of my life. However, I thought it was still interesting to see how some people suggest to be a socially acceptable level of rude.
That word means: "not polite; offensive or embarrassing" according to my dictionary. I mean, I don't think it is meant here in the sense of "relating to sex or going to the toilet," which is the alternative meaning offered. I find the alternate crass.
Maybe sometime soon I might be a bit bolder according to this book's advice. For now I'll return the copy to the library, or in the next couple of days or so, so someone else may also have the same opportunity I did. I thought well enough of it.
That word means: "not polite; offensive or embarrassing" according to my dictionary. I mean, I don't think it is meant here in the sense of "relating to sex or going to the toilet," which is the alternative meaning offered. I find the alternate crass.
Maybe sometime soon I might be a bit bolder according to this book's advice. For now I'll return the copy to the library, or in the next couple of days or so, so someone else may also have the same opportunity I did. I thought well enough of it.
November 3, 2021
This is probably the first review I've ever written for a book but this one is definitely needed. Every point she made in this book is something I feel every woman needs to hear. We need to hear it so that we know it is okay to stand up and speak up for ourselves no matter the situation/relationship. Too many times do we keep quiet to save face and be lady-like. In return we are no happier than the fictional books, movies, music and stories say we should be. I fully intend to recommend this book for women both young and old. It may receive some backlash but in the end it is still something that needs to be addressed. Thank you Rebecca Reid for being my voice and being respectfully rude!
November 2, 2020
How frustrating is it to be told by all the different sources the things you must do to be successful in life? This book definitely does NOT do that. It instead takes an empathetic approach and gives bite size approaches and allows you to have kindness and patience with yourself when dealing with life. This is so necessary for everyone to read in life. While it is titled rude it is absolutely not - it is how to sit at the table and make sure you are HEARD. I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
July 3, 2022
I’d never heard of this book before I picked it up for a quid in the local charity shop, and I’d like to say thank you to whoever donated it as it fell into my life at just the right time. I have a real issue with assertiveness, especially when it comes to certain situations such as health and work, so this book was a brilliant run through of how to be more bold in all aspects of my life. It’s split into many different chapters such as family, friends, sex, money (the list goes on) and has examples of how to be more bold in these, as well as a short bio of a ‘Rude’ female celebrity to aspire to be more like! Really good read, especially for any women who feel their socialisation has held them back from getting what they want!
December 5, 2020
I really needed this book. It’s about being assertive & being rude in a more positive manner, rather than the flat out rudeness we are more familiar. “Assertive” is not my problem. I can be assertive & have been working to tone that down a bit. (Assertiveness is good but being overly assertive is not. Sometimes it’s a fine line.) What I am trying to work on is becoming firm & assertive, without it coming across as rude... Finding more appropriate & positive forms of “rudeness.”
January 13, 2021
Catchy title. That's it! Nothing else of any substance. Just a list of examples in which famous people have shown bad manners. Then the author goes on to attach a rambling, banal snoozefest as to why each example is a shining beacon of hope towards making the workplace a better environment for women
This could have worked if the tone had been funny. Alas, this is as dry & serious as it is self-righteous. Truly God awful stuff
This could have worked if the tone had been funny. Alas, this is as dry & serious as it is self-righteous. Truly God awful stuff
July 22, 2021
everyone needs to read this book!!! rebecca reid makes a clear distinction between being an asshole and being assertive and getting what you want. girlboss af not even being sarcastic. the chapters are a perfect length, her examples are relevant and she has an effortlessly funny writing style that made this book so easy to read. i loved this book and will definitely make a conscious effort to take her advice as i enter my 20s ily rebecca reid ur a queen
January 6, 2021
The ideas aren't novel or unique, but the presentation really helps instill confidence behind the idea. I probably need more examples and "how to say.?." Instructions, but I've already used the "RUDE at work"tip and it's helped a lot, especially with my confidence. Now let's see if I can just manage to say, "no."sometimes.
January 12, 2021
Absolutely phenomenal. Rebecca addresses the need for women to stand up for themselves and stop apologizing. It’s something I’m guilty of so I’m so glad I picked up this book to learn more. She talks about ways to be bold and unapologetic whether it’s within your friend group or at work. I can’t wait to apply these lessons to my daily life!
May 8, 2025
There’s some good points in here but the repeated mentions of Taylor Swift being a boss/queen/slay felt a bit immature … and almost DNF at 16% in when the author said she agreed with the “hey thanks for reaching out but I’m at capacity and can’t hold space for you” template that went viral a few years back for being ridiculous
January 28, 2021
My favorite parts of this book were the little 2-3 page chapters on "rude" women. I learned much about women I knew, and met a few women I wish I had known earlier. If you only pick up this book to read those nine small, short, easily-absorbed female biographies, your time will not be wasted.
April 5, 2021
I think this should be taught in schools to girls
In kindergarten even
If only someone gave me this book years ago i would have had a less painful life
I am a guilt machine and i want to change that and be rude🌼
In kindergarten even
If only someone gave me this book years ago i would have had a less painful life
I am a guilt machine and i want to change that and be rude🌼
January 1, 2021
Wonderful and inspiring manifesto for "sweet girls" like me who default to a fawning response when dealing with other people.
January 24, 2021
Excellent. Needs more stars
March 7, 2021
Some great nuggets and inspiration to live your best life by communicating effectively. A read/listen for all. Narrated by the author.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 40 reviews