ONLY THE STAINS REMAIN [2021] By ROSS JEFFERY
My Review 4.0 Stars
The author separated the book into chapters, and the first one is entitled:
CHAPTER 1 ZIPS AND BELT BUCKLES
“In the summer of ’82, I found out what it took to kill a child.”
This short novel is about physical cruelty and incestuous sexual child abuse that was levied against two brothers following the death of their mother. The story of their physical abuse and sexual violations are recounted by Jude, the younger of the two boys.
The story pulled me in from the first sentence, and the riveting narrative is also beautifully written. Jude relates the events of the night back in the summer of ’82 when their father and uncles descended upon the small house and “decided to show me just what it takes to kill a child”.
“What I didn’t realize at the time, was that child was me.”
There is a seamless fast-forward in time wherein Jude is relating what he is visualizing and doing as an adult man in the woods surrounding their house. Jude arrives at the lake and is scaling down the embankment packing a heavy rucksack. He ruminates about how he had forgotten how beautiful it was at the water line “an oasis of calm” only a few miles from the campsite “where our childhoods were erased by calloused hands and cruel intentions.”
Jude reflects on the past and recalls the woods he knows so intimately as his and Kyle’s sanctuary back in the summer of ’82. “…it was a place to hide from the monsters that plagued us at night and disguised themselves as family.”
The man Jude grew up to be laments the fact that the “weeds of the mind are as persistent as cancer and twice as deadly. They choke the life out of anything I dare to plant in that tainted soil, even dreams of a future ad the desire to move on.”
It is obvious that Jude is a haunted man on a mission and at one point he rolls his sleeves up. His right arm “shimmers in the sun like a fish’s scales, silvery scars mar(ring) the flesh in concentric circles weaving their way up and around my arm from wrist to elbow…” raised and puckered, smeared into each other in places where the skin melted and blisters burst…” Jude remembers all of the glowing hot embers held to his flesh to seal his silence.
The adult man named Jude filled his thoughts with memories of their mother in late ’81 when the cancer had wasted her and when he and Kyle both knew that the end was near for her. There was the sad memory of the Polaroid Photo that Mum had insisted upon, a last picture of her with her two sons. Jude remembered overhearing her tell their Dad (In pleading, sobbing whispers, to look after us and to keep us safe).
He and Kyle had quizzed her about the reasons why that their uncles never visited them, and only sent token gifts at Christmas and birthdays. Jude realized that she never answered their questions but rather would start talking in a disjointed train of thought. She talked about her own past as “a huge ruddy stain.” Jude remembered when their mother had grown weaker, she worried about leaving her boys alone. Jude’s memories reveal that his mother knew that these stains she’d worried about would “return like black mold in a damp bathroom” …and “That stain…would eventually bleed through the very fabric of our lives and taint everything-even our souls.”
Jude recalls that their mother’s grave had not had a chance to settle before the uncles descended like vultures to pick over their sister’s meagre possessions. Their father for all intent and purposes was fueled by his intake of whiskey and any part of him who recognized right from wrong faded away like the memory of his wife.
He remembers how his brother shielded him from countless hurtful blows and acted as a shield to protect his younger self from the physical violence and the emotional abuse the uncles loved to dole out. The “late night visits” started a few months after their mother’s death. Kyle sacrificed himself when the uncles were hesitating at their door. Jude reflects that he has had many years to process what happened that night, and it was clear they were just hesitating to decide which boy…and Kyle made that decision for them that night.
“The horrors of that night play over in my mind like a song on repeat, an aching lament of a childhood destroyed in an instant.” ….” In that moment where my brother lost his childhood, I remained silent. I remained as silent as God remained aloof. I imagined God sickened by his creation…”
Jude relates that it was shortly after his mother died that his brother Kyle found his way into the ground too. He reflects that they laid them to rest under the weeping willow where Jude sat now, waiting.
It is at this juncture that Jude thinks to himself that he rid this weight that has been crushing (him) each day” ….” because I am judgement, I am hurt, I am pain, I am retribution.”
PART 2 THE BURNING OF STAINED TEETH
The survivor Jude is still in the woods, reminiscing on something his mother told him about the nature of God and men. “God loved birds and made trees, but man loved birds and made cages.” Jude spends an appropriate amount of time reinforcing to himself that he and Kyle could never have gotten away back then.
Jude begins a long narrative about Uncle Lenny and his 11th Birthday. Lenny was a remorseless sadist and interestingly not even blood kin.
“We always knew that Lenny was a vicious sonofabitch, that his cheese had slid well and truly off his cracker.”
There were more horrors for Jude to relive in his mind…his victimization and threats from Dwight, the animal abuse that he could not escape.
PART 3 THE BARN, BLADE, AND BARBED WIRE
“With each passing offering I grow closer to the discovery that’s sheltered and nestled deep within---the filthy secret and stain that remains. The secret of what it truly took to kill a child.”
Jude opens the barn door and “As the door comes to rest, and the light of the day illuminates what’s within, I stare at the horrors on display. With an aching torment, I understand what lengths and unspeakable acts it had taken to kill my brother. And, in turn how it killed the child in me.”
The mostly linear narrative now a brief detour and recounts the story of how Kyle protected Jude one final time and how he died. This is definitely disturbing and horrific. Jude takes his revenge, his retribution from the primary perpetrator, and the act does deliver extreme gore.
PT. 4 THE DEAFENING SILENCE THAT FOLLOWS
This last chapter of this short work of horror places our lone avenger Jude at the end of his journey and still, it has to be rendered difficult. The author takes us off script again to an interchange between Jude and his biological father. There are some pathetic scenes to endure, and our pity for Jude never wanes. In fact, with all we learn, is Jude an actual revenant…. or does he just refer to himself as such?
The Epilogue is apropos. I loved the scene of the mother boar, her tusks dripping with hot red blood as she and Jude calmly walked by one another.
This was a genuinely moving and emotional journey, and in the end, it shores up the contention that when it is all over it is only the stains that remain. I deducted one star for failure to issue Trigger Warning for Animal Abuse. If NO Trigger Warnings had been given, I think I would have let it go. The author may not feel that way at all but it left me with the question of whether he thought the animal abuse was superfluous.
BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN STORY OF EMOTIONAL, PHYSICAL, AND INCESTUAL SEXUAL ABUSE