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Älä paina päätäni alas - mieletöntä seksiä etsimässä
Seksimuistelmat yhden naisen halusta löytää todellista nautintoa.
Älä paina päätäni alas on toisenlainen kasvutarina, yhden naisen hillitön, valaiseva ja mitään kaihtamaton ristiretki paremman seksielämän saavuttamiseksi.
Internetpornon kyllästämä Lucy-Anne tajuaa kolmikymppisenä olevansa noviisi seksissä. Hänellä ei ole rohkeutta pyytää miehiltä sitä, mitä hän haluaa – eikä hän oikeastaan edes tiedä mitä se olisi. Erilaiset oppaat, ohjeet ja workshopit tuntuvat keskittyvän miehen näkökulmaan naisen nautinnon sijaan. Niinpä Lucy-Anne kirjoittaa seksin toivelistansa ja aloittaa matkan hitaan seksin, erilaisten orgasmien, seksijuhlien ja BDSM:n kautta omanlaisen nautinnon löytämiseen. Älä paina päätäni alas on suorapuheinen, noloissakin kohdissa rehellinen, hauska ja voimauttava tositarina siitä, miksi seksielämä kannattaa ottaa omiin käsiinsä.
Älä paina päätäni alas on toisenlainen kasvutarina, yhden naisen hillitön, valaiseva ja mitään kaihtamaton ristiretki paremman seksielämän saavuttamiseksi.
Internetpornon kyllästämä Lucy-Anne tajuaa kolmikymppisenä olevansa noviisi seksissä. Hänellä ei ole rohkeutta pyytää miehiltä sitä, mitä hän haluaa – eikä hän oikeastaan edes tiedä mitä se olisi. Erilaiset oppaat, ohjeet ja workshopit tuntuvat keskittyvän miehen näkökulmaan naisen nautinnon sijaan. Niinpä Lucy-Anne kirjoittaa seksin toivelistansa ja aloittaa matkan hitaan seksin, erilaisten orgasmien, seksijuhlien ja BDSM:n kautta omanlaisen nautinnon löytämiseen. Älä paina päätäni alas on suorapuheinen, noloissakin kohdissa rehellinen, hauska ja voimauttava tositarina siitä, miksi seksielämä kannattaa ottaa omiin käsiinsä.
288 pages, Hardcover
Published January 1, 2021
106 people are currently reading
1235 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 103 reviews
June 18, 2019
The subtitle should make it pretty clear why I was interested in this. Holmes hit her mid-thirties and became aware--after a disappointing wank to Internet porn--that she wasn't having nearly as good sex as she wanted. So she made a list (slow sex! A bit of kink! Maybe some bum stuff! Full-body orgasms!) and set off to see what she could find out about how to bang better. It's a fun read, certainly, but much of it feels (and I accept that it's very easy to criticize) a bit...basic? Not in terms of the sex she has--Holmes does more stuff in the name of let's-see-what-this-is-like than I ever have--but in terms of the tone and the attitude, which is all a bit jolly-awkward-Bridget-Jones-falling-into-a-mud-puddle-whoopsy-I'm-such-a-silly-tit. There is a lot of caps lock. There are many exclamation points. A writer can't help the person that they are, but I was hoping for something that I'd be able to connect to on an emotional level a bit more. Instead I found myself repeatedly thinking "for Christ's sake, woman", not helped by the fact that Holmes meets a man halfway through the book and ends up entering a serious relationship with him, eventually having a baby. Perhaps that's meant to be a happy ending, but it did rather close off some avenues of exploration. Maybe I'll have to write my own version of this book.
If you like what I write, why not buy me a coffee?
If you like what I write, why not buy me a coffee?
May 31, 2024
Informative, entertaining, and touching (all kinds of touching!)
This was nothing like I expected. A humorous, self-deprecating, and self-effacing but intelligent and inquisitive narrator takes us on a belated journey of sexual self-discovery that is both educational and liberating. The author is very fortunate to have looked in all the right places (for her), which makes for an enlightening trip and a happy ending (forgive the pun). I didn't expect to be moved in quite the way I was by this story but I'd recommend it to men as well as women for its accessibility and openness.
This was nothing like I expected. A humorous, self-deprecating, and self-effacing but intelligent and inquisitive narrator takes us on a belated journey of sexual self-discovery that is both educational and liberating. The author is very fortunate to have looked in all the right places (for her), which makes for an enlightening trip and a happy ending (forgive the pun). I didn't expect to be moved in quite the way I was by this story but I'd recommend it to men as well as women for its accessibility and openness.
October 22, 2018
"Women are capable of powerful, transcendental pleasure, but that fact has not just been lost, it hasn't been respected at all. Women's sexual pleasure has been suppressed, feared, denied and punished over thousands of years, and women have been murdered and mutilated because of it" (p. 103).
Wow, what a refreshing book! This month, I attended the Unbound proof party at Cheltenham Literature Festival, where Lucy-Anne was one of the authors, discussing her imminent memoir. The event was memorable for a few reasons, one of them being the response that it elicited from an older lady, who was sharing the table I was sitting at: she clearly didn't approve of such a book. But, for me, this event will be memorable as the time that I accidentally came across a book that I was perhaps waiting years to read, whether I realised it or not.
Holmes has written a very honest memoir about her journey to discover her own sexuality, or perhaps at least, more about her sexuality. She starts by explaining how she came to write the book; in her own words, this was as a result of a shocking discovery when looking at internet porn, trying to find something to arouse her. Instead of finding arousal, she found herself thinking about her nieces, growing into young women, and what our current society is 'feeding' to them, in regards to sex and sexuality. This then led her to re-evaluate her own sex life; specifically, just how much she had actively considered her own sexuality and pleasure when it came to sex. What we then have is a very frank, funny, astute and intelligent journey as Holmes explores her own sexuality. Within this, Holmes makes excellent points around how society and culture shapes sexuality, but also how a media governed by heterosexual men, affects wider perceptions of sex and sexuality, because they are feeding us sex as though we are all heterosexual men.
As a woman, I found that there were many times throughout this book where I found myself relating to what Holmes was saying, feeling, experiencing and expressing. I actually keep a handwritten book journal, where I transcribe favourite quotes from the books that I have read. For this book, there were far too many that I would have liked to copy. I found myself reading out passages of it to my boyfriend, as I found sections that expressed exactly what I had felt in the past, but in a much more coherent, eloquent way!
There is such a lot here to consider, and to take - as a counsellor who has worked with survivors of sexual abuse, consent has always been something that I am familiar with but here, in a section on BDSM, there is an explanation of the consent wheel, which is just fabulous. It takes the idea of explicit consent much further, also demonstrating that within sexual encounters, each partner can slide between the various stages of the wheel throughout their encounter.
Personally, I think this is an absolute success. Holmes should be applauded for her honesty, her sensitivity and her humanity in exploring a subject that seems to be everywhere around us, yet at the same time everyone is embarrassed to talk about. I will be recommending it to my female friends - and, despite what the older lady that I was sat next to in Cheltenham seemed to suggest, I think that men could get a lot from this memoir too!
Wow, what a refreshing book! This month, I attended the Unbound proof party at Cheltenham Literature Festival, where Lucy-Anne was one of the authors, discussing her imminent memoir. The event was memorable for a few reasons, one of them being the response that it elicited from an older lady, who was sharing the table I was sitting at: she clearly didn't approve of such a book. But, for me, this event will be memorable as the time that I accidentally came across a book that I was perhaps waiting years to read, whether I realised it or not.
Holmes has written a very honest memoir about her journey to discover her own sexuality, or perhaps at least, more about her sexuality. She starts by explaining how she came to write the book; in her own words, this was as a result of a shocking discovery when looking at internet porn, trying to find something to arouse her. Instead of finding arousal, she found herself thinking about her nieces, growing into young women, and what our current society is 'feeding' to them, in regards to sex and sexuality. This then led her to re-evaluate her own sex life; specifically, just how much she had actively considered her own sexuality and pleasure when it came to sex. What we then have is a very frank, funny, astute and intelligent journey as Holmes explores her own sexuality. Within this, Holmes makes excellent points around how society and culture shapes sexuality, but also how a media governed by heterosexual men, affects wider perceptions of sex and sexuality, because they are feeding us sex as though we are all heterosexual men.
As a woman, I found that there were many times throughout this book where I found myself relating to what Holmes was saying, feeling, experiencing and expressing. I actually keep a handwritten book journal, where I transcribe favourite quotes from the books that I have read. For this book, there were far too many that I would have liked to copy. I found myself reading out passages of it to my boyfriend, as I found sections that expressed exactly what I had felt in the past, but in a much more coherent, eloquent way!
There is such a lot here to consider, and to take - as a counsellor who has worked with survivors of sexual abuse, consent has always been something that I am familiar with but here, in a section on BDSM, there is an explanation of the consent wheel, which is just fabulous. It takes the idea of explicit consent much further, also demonstrating that within sexual encounters, each partner can slide between the various stages of the wheel throughout their encounter.
Personally, I think this is an absolute success. Holmes should be applauded for her honesty, her sensitivity and her humanity in exploring a subject that seems to be everywhere around us, yet at the same time everyone is embarrassed to talk about. I will be recommending it to my female friends - and, despite what the older lady that I was sat next to in Cheltenham seemed to suggest, I think that men could get a lot from this memoir too!
August 13, 2021
Todella hyviä ja arvokkaita juttuja esimerkiksi suostumuksesta (wheel of consent oli käsitteenä jotain, joka meistä jokaisen olisi hyvä ottaa haltuun, vaikka toki tämä ei Holmesin oma käsite ollutkaan), omista rajoista, ein sanomisesta ja vastaanottamisesta, itsetuntemuksesta. Ylipäänsä ihanaa, että naisen seksuaalisuudesta kirjoitetaan ja puhutaan vihdoin näin avoimesti.
Sitten se mutta: miksi siitä seksuaalisuudesta täytyy jotenkin aina kertoa niin hassunhauskan huumorin keinoin? Holmesin tapa kirjoittaa, eli siis lähinnä vitsailla, ei iskenyt itseeni sitten yhtään. (Myöskään muut vähän samaa aihepiiriä sivuavat viime aikoina ilmestyneet kirjat kuten Runkkarin käsikirja tai Himokirja eivät vaan mitenkään tyyliltään viehätä, olen yrittänyt lukea niitä, mutta en päässyt ekaa kymmentä sivua pidemmälle.) En tarkoita, että tahtoisin lukea pelkkää kuivakkaa asiatekstiä seksistä, ehei en ollenkaan, mutta jotenkin sellainen humoristinen kepeä vähän ”itsekriittinen” ja -tarkkaileva sävy on vaan niin väsynyttä. Tai ehkä Holmesin tapauksessa emme vain ole samalla viivalla ajatuksissamme, TAI suomennos hukkasi jotain.
Myös tantraseksistä ja seksifestareista puhuminen etäännytti itseäni, ihan kuin seksi olisi jotenkin pienen piirin hallitsema salaisuus. Että vasta kun tiedät tantran kaikki kujeet ja saat ne 14 erilaista orgasmia (… suhtaudun tähän vähän skeptisyydellä) olet boss oman seksuaalisuutesi kanssa. Totta kai jokaisen seksuaalisuus on omanlaisensa ja uniikki, ja Holmes nyt löysi hänen seksuaalisuutensa avaimen tällä tavoin, mutta olisin kaivannut vielä vähän jotain toista otetta, ehkä vähän niiden omien löytöjen ja tapojen haastamista. Vaikka kirjassa muuten olikin loistavasti isompaa yhteiskunnallista otetta, näissä kohdin se jäi hauraaksi.
(Voin toki haastaa tässä itseänikin, että miksi juuri nämä jutut ärsyttivät, mitä ne kertovat minusta. Aloitetaanpa siis oma seksimatka!)
Joka tapauksessa, kelpo luettava, nopea, ihan hauska jos huumori iskee yhteen Holmesin kautta, hyviä pointteja esille nostava. Etenkin loppua kohden parani huomattavasti, nautin erityisesti rehellisestä kuvauksesta omasta seksuaalisuudesta raskauden jälkeen.
Sitten se mutta: miksi siitä seksuaalisuudesta täytyy jotenkin aina kertoa niin hassunhauskan huumorin keinoin? Holmesin tapa kirjoittaa, eli siis lähinnä vitsailla, ei iskenyt itseeni sitten yhtään. (Myöskään muut vähän samaa aihepiiriä sivuavat viime aikoina ilmestyneet kirjat kuten Runkkarin käsikirja tai Himokirja eivät vaan mitenkään tyyliltään viehätä, olen yrittänyt lukea niitä, mutta en päässyt ekaa kymmentä sivua pidemmälle.) En tarkoita, että tahtoisin lukea pelkkää kuivakkaa asiatekstiä seksistä, ehei en ollenkaan, mutta jotenkin sellainen humoristinen kepeä vähän ”itsekriittinen” ja -tarkkaileva sävy on vaan niin väsynyttä. Tai ehkä Holmesin tapauksessa emme vain ole samalla viivalla ajatuksissamme, TAI suomennos hukkasi jotain.
Myös tantraseksistä ja seksifestareista puhuminen etäännytti itseäni, ihan kuin seksi olisi jotenkin pienen piirin hallitsema salaisuus. Että vasta kun tiedät tantran kaikki kujeet ja saat ne 14 erilaista orgasmia (… suhtaudun tähän vähän skeptisyydellä) olet boss oman seksuaalisuutesi kanssa. Totta kai jokaisen seksuaalisuus on omanlaisensa ja uniikki, ja Holmes nyt löysi hänen seksuaalisuutensa avaimen tällä tavoin, mutta olisin kaivannut vielä vähän jotain toista otetta, ehkä vähän niiden omien löytöjen ja tapojen haastamista. Vaikka kirjassa muuten olikin loistavasti isompaa yhteiskunnallista otetta, näissä kohdin se jäi hauraaksi.
(Voin toki haastaa tässä itseänikin, että miksi juuri nämä jutut ärsyttivät, mitä ne kertovat minusta. Aloitetaanpa siis oma seksimatka!)
Joka tapauksessa, kelpo luettava, nopea, ihan hauska jos huumori iskee yhteen Holmesin kautta, hyviä pointteja esille nostava. Etenkin loppua kohden parani huomattavasti, nautin erityisesti rehellisestä kuvauksesta omasta seksuaalisuudesta raskauden jälkeen.
February 22, 2023
I pledged for this book on Unbound, so I'm not exactly an objective reviewer. That said, I only chose Holmes's book because another project fell through and I had credits to spare. And boy, did I make the right decision.
It is a sex book, as the author says. She talks candidly about her sex life and there's quite a bit of detailed description, but importantly much of it is description of how sex makes the author feel, not just the acts themselves. Comparisons with Caitlin Moran come to mind, but where the latter always aims for the punchline, Holmes is much more genuine in both her biography and her humour.
In the beginning I wasn't sure if a memoir of sex adventures would keep me interested beyond a peeping-Tom level, but something Holmes says in the beginning really touched me and made me devour the rest of the book. She talks about her first proper, slow, pleasurable sexual encounter and describes how she cried in the end and thought that she didn't _deserve_ to be treated like that. I choked up a bit. It was so powerful to see from a woman's perspective how men can forget basic decency and respect so quickly when it comes to sexual pleasure. We are truly shit, too often, aren't we? This was the revelation of this book, the escapades just a side story.
Reading the last paragraph, this book was clearly written for women. But it should be compulsory reading for men. Thank you, Lucy-Ann Holmes.
It is a sex book, as the author says. She talks candidly about her sex life and there's quite a bit of detailed description, but importantly much of it is description of how sex makes the author feel, not just the acts themselves. Comparisons with Caitlin Moran come to mind, but where the latter always aims for the punchline, Holmes is much more genuine in both her biography and her humour.
In the beginning I wasn't sure if a memoir of sex adventures would keep me interested beyond a peeping-Tom level, but something Holmes says in the beginning really touched me and made me devour the rest of the book. She talks about her first proper, slow, pleasurable sexual encounter and describes how she cried in the end and thought that she didn't _deserve_ to be treated like that. I choked up a bit. It was so powerful to see from a woman's perspective how men can forget basic decency and respect so quickly when it comes to sexual pleasure. We are truly shit, too often, aren't we? This was the revelation of this book, the escapades just a side story.
Reading the last paragraph, this book was clearly written for women. But it should be compulsory reading for men. Thank you, Lucy-Ann Holmes.
March 16, 2020
I appreaciate the author's frank way of talking about her sexuality, her honesty and enthusiasm for being experimental. I don't think there can be enough frank accounts of female sexuality. However, I really struggled with the style, which teetered between embarassment and a sort of dumbed down chumminess, making use of added letters, multiple exclamation marks and general "look at me, hihihi, isn't this silly." I don't think this style is necessarily very helpful for the topic.
December 8, 2022
Ääää, saateri! Nyt on käsissä kirja, joka sekä ilahutti että ärsytti reippaasti. Tykkäsin siitä, että kymmenien seksiaiheisten kirjojen jälkeen sain tästä uusia ajatuksia kupoliini. Kirjoittaja on miun kanssa samaa ikäluokkaa ja muutakin yhteistä tarttumapintaa toki löytyy, samoin hänen lähtötilanteensa on superkiinnostava. Kasassa oli ainekset viiden tähden kirjaan feminismeineen kaikkineen.
Mutta kolmen tähden kirja tuli. Isoimman tökinnän aiheutti kirjoitustyyli. Huumori sinänsä maistuu, mutta tuntuu että seksistä puhutaan usein överihassutellen. Mietin, vaikuttavatko äänikirjat näin paljon kerrontaan - samaa vikaa oli esim. Runkkarin käsikirjassa, jonka printin lukeminen oli hetkittäin rajusti myötähäpeällistä. Eikö kirjailija ihan uskonut tarinansa kantavuuteen sellaisenaan ja siksi lisäsi ha-ha-hauskan kuorrutuksen ja esimerkiksi puhutteli jatkuvasti lukijaa tyyliin "oletteko vielä siellä"? Minnuu olisi puhutellut ihan tarina itsessään jo.
Erityisesti tää ihmetytti, koska usein oltiin ihmiselämän isojen asioiden äärellä, kuten esimerkiksi seksistä kommunikoimisen ja sen, millainen naiskuva pornossa, mediassa ja yhteiskunnassa ylipäätänsä on ja miten se vaikuttaa ihan meidän perustavisten arkeen (tiedostetusti ja tiedostamattakin).
Kolme tähteä annan siitä hyvästä, että kirja kuitenkin yhdistää kiinnostavalla tavalla yhteiskunnallista pohdintaa ja seksuaalisuuden tarkastelua eri näkökulmista. Ja niistä uusista ajatuksista päässäni.
Mutta kolmen tähden kirja tuli. Isoimman tökinnän aiheutti kirjoitustyyli. Huumori sinänsä maistuu, mutta tuntuu että seksistä puhutaan usein överihassutellen. Mietin, vaikuttavatko äänikirjat näin paljon kerrontaan - samaa vikaa oli esim. Runkkarin käsikirjassa, jonka printin lukeminen oli hetkittäin rajusti myötähäpeällistä. Eikö kirjailija ihan uskonut tarinansa kantavuuteen sellaisenaan ja siksi lisäsi ha-ha-hauskan kuorrutuksen ja esimerkiksi puhutteli jatkuvasti lukijaa tyyliin "oletteko vielä siellä"? Minnuu olisi puhutellut ihan tarina itsessään jo.
Erityisesti tää ihmetytti, koska usein oltiin ihmiselämän isojen asioiden äärellä, kuten esimerkiksi seksistä kommunikoimisen ja sen, millainen naiskuva pornossa, mediassa ja yhteiskunnassa ylipäätänsä on ja miten se vaikuttaa ihan meidän perustavisten arkeen (tiedostetusti ja tiedostamattakin).
Kolme tähteä annan siitä hyvästä, että kirja kuitenkin yhdistää kiinnostavalla tavalla yhteiskunnallista pohdintaa ja seksuaalisuuden tarkastelua eri näkökulmista. Ja niistä uusista ajatuksista päässäni.
August 14, 2021
Lähdin lukemaan tätä odottaen hauskaa seksikirjaa — sain niin paljon enemmän. Holmes kirjoittaa yhteiskunnallisesti erittäin tärkeistä aiheista, kuten siitä, miten porno on miesten miehille tekemää, eikä naisten mielipiteitä, toiveita tai haluja kuulla tai nähdä siinä. Moni nainen harrastaa surkeaa seksiä, koska ei ole edes oppinut, että voisi itse olla aktiivinen toimija ja kertoa, mitä haluaa ja mitä ei. Naisten seksuaalisuutta on kontrolloitu vuosituhannet, joten onko se ihme. Edes naiskehon anatomiaa ei ole haluttu ymmärtää, eihän siitä ole kovin montaa vuotta kun vasta klitoriksen todellinen koko ja muoto paljastui. Entä moniko tietää, että naisella on 14 eri tapaa saada orgasmi? Missä näistä puhuttaisiin naisten äänellä, naisten näkökulmasta, naisia varten? Ei juuri missään.
Kirjassa Holmes käy omaelämäkertamaisesti läpi omaa seksuaalista matkaansa ja seikkailujaan hauskalla ja viihteellisellä tyylillä, ja yhdistää sitten kokemuksensa tiukkaan yhteiskunta-analyysiin ja paukuttaa naisten seksuaaliseen asemaan liittyvät ongelmakohdat ja faktat tiskiin.
Ai että miten upea ja voimaannuttava kirja! Inspiroiva Lucy Anne Holmes! Tästä tuli yksi vuoden lemppareista.
Kirjassa Holmes käy omaelämäkertamaisesti läpi omaa seksuaalista matkaansa ja seikkailujaan hauskalla ja viihteellisellä tyylillä, ja yhdistää sitten kokemuksensa tiukkaan yhteiskunta-analyysiin ja paukuttaa naisten seksuaaliseen asemaan liittyvät ongelmakohdat ja faktat tiskiin.
Ai että miten upea ja voimaannuttava kirja! Inspiroiva Lucy Anne Holmes! Tästä tuli yksi vuoden lemppareista.
January 29, 2020
RTC but an interesting read and well written. Often these types of books can be a little like a stream of consciousness which can be off putting but this was not like that and I really enjoyed it.
August 13, 2021
Älä paina päätäni alas kertoo kirjoittajan matkasta keskinkertaisesta, epänautinnollisesta seksistä kohti "mieletöntä", hänelle sopivaa seksielämää. Monipuolinen matka kulkee toivelistojen, tantrakurssien, ihmissuhteiden, seksileirien ja lopulta myös raskauden sekä synnytyksen kautta.
Holmesin seksimatkan mullistavin yksittäinen oivallus oli se, että hän halusi ja nautti hitaammasta seksistä sekä itsensä että muiden kanssa.
Kirja on viihdyttävästi kirjoitettu, lämmin ja hauska. Se sisältää paljon itsellenikin uusia asioita, kuten tiedon siitä, että nainen voi saada 14 erilaista orgasmia sekä konseptin "wheel of consent". Moni lukija voi varmasti poimia kirjasta asioita omaan elämäänsä. Pidin myös siitä, että kirjoittaja punoi seksimatkaansa mukaan myös yhteiskunnallista pohdintaa seksismistä sekä sukupuolirooleista ja että hän käsitteli myös aloittamaansa No More Page 3 -kampanjaa, jonka ansiosta The Sun -lehti lopetti yläosattomien naisten kuvien julkaisun sivuillaan.
Kirja tuntui kuitenkin paikoitellen hieman tavalliselta. Olisin kaivannut vielä jotain lisää. Kirja oli kuitenkin kokonaisuudessaan varsin viihdyttävä ja ajatuksiaherättävä kesälukeminen.
Holmesin seksimatkan mullistavin yksittäinen oivallus oli se, että hän halusi ja nautti hitaammasta seksistä sekä itsensä että muiden kanssa.
Kirja on viihdyttävästi kirjoitettu, lämmin ja hauska. Se sisältää paljon itsellenikin uusia asioita, kuten tiedon siitä, että nainen voi saada 14 erilaista orgasmia sekä konseptin "wheel of consent". Moni lukija voi varmasti poimia kirjasta asioita omaan elämäänsä. Pidin myös siitä, että kirjoittaja punoi seksimatkaansa mukaan myös yhteiskunnallista pohdintaa seksismistä sekä sukupuolirooleista ja että hän käsitteli myös aloittamaansa No More Page 3 -kampanjaa, jonka ansiosta The Sun -lehti lopetti yläosattomien naisten kuvien julkaisun sivuillaan.
Kirja tuntui kuitenkin paikoitellen hieman tavalliselta. Olisin kaivannut vielä jotain lisää. Kirja oli kuitenkin kokonaisuudessaan varsin viihdyttävä ja ajatuksiaherättävä kesälukeminen.
Read
May 9, 2024When I picked up this book in a London bookshop and felt I needed to buy it, I didn't expect to really get anything out of it other than an interesting read. But boy, was I wrong. Yes, it was a very interesting read, sometimes funny, sometimes moving. But some parts resonated with me so deeply in a way that I, someone who considers herself to be a sexually free and satisfied woman, never expected. I know I'll be thinking about this book for a long time. Thank you, Lucy.
February 23, 2020
Not really about sex at all - more about the entrenched patriarchal constructs that make it hard for us to enjoy pleasure like men can. A fascinating deep dive into why women can spend their lives having average sex
January 9, 2021
Lucy-Anne Holmes, autora britânica responsável pelo movimento de abolição de raparigas em topless na página 3 do The Sun, escreveu o livro de todas as raparigas e mulheres. A cada página, o despertar de uma semelhança, um "afinal não sou a única" proclamado com espanto, um novo olhar ao espelho, uma nova vontade do olhar do outro.
Traz ao de cima aquilo que queremos, mostra-nos a necessidade de bater o pé e de nos fazermos valer, traz o desejo por uma revolução do próprio desejo que nos move...a nós e ao outro.
Desmistifica tabus, construções sociais, ideias criadas por uma educação por vezes madrasta, por uma indústria pornográfica patriarcal e, até mesmo, pelas páginas dos jornais. Traz simplicidade ao universo complexo e plural que é o sexo. Mas mete em cima da mesa, principalmente, a urgência em saber o que queremos, em dizer que não e em consentir e aguardar consentimento. Ou não tivéssemos todas nós, a dado momento das nossas vidas, assumido que certo comportamento era normal quando não o era.
É um livro sobre sexo, sobre os vários tipos de orgasmo que existem, sobre masturbação e muito mais, mas é acima de tudo um livro sobre a importância de nos conhecermos a nós mesmas sem pudor e vergonha. Só temos um corpo e uma mente. Só os conhecendo a fundo saberemos levá-los na direção certa, da forma mais saudável e prazerosa possível.
Para recomendar a todas as amigas.
Traz ao de cima aquilo que queremos, mostra-nos a necessidade de bater o pé e de nos fazermos valer, traz o desejo por uma revolução do próprio desejo que nos move...a nós e ao outro.
Desmistifica tabus, construções sociais, ideias criadas por uma educação por vezes madrasta, por uma indústria pornográfica patriarcal e, até mesmo, pelas páginas dos jornais. Traz simplicidade ao universo complexo e plural que é o sexo. Mas mete em cima da mesa, principalmente, a urgência em saber o que queremos, em dizer que não e em consentir e aguardar consentimento. Ou não tivéssemos todas nós, a dado momento das nossas vidas, assumido que certo comportamento era normal quando não o era.
É um livro sobre sexo, sobre os vários tipos de orgasmo que existem, sobre masturbação e muito mais, mas é acima de tudo um livro sobre a importância de nos conhecermos a nós mesmas sem pudor e vergonha. Só temos um corpo e uma mente. Só os conhecendo a fundo saberemos levá-los na direção certa, da forma mais saudável e prazerosa possível.
Para recomendar a todas as amigas.
December 31, 2024
2.5 stars rounded down - overall a pointless book but willing to give it the benefit of the doubt that it could be helpful for it’s target audience (repressed middle aged women). The topic is relevant and important to be discussed, but the way the author goes about it is both infuriating and at times dismissive. Fantastic that she managed to go from passive participant to active enjoyer of her own sex life but I felt as though she brushed over and joked through serious aspects of her past that lead her to being in this situation in the first place (ie never having had sex sober, never saying no even when she didn’t want to do anything, etc etc). Great that she found her voice in her 30s, but the book did not divulge into any sort of self reflection or consideration for how those experiences have impacted her now. Overall I felt the book brushed over important topics like consent in the author’s past, and was trying to force a funny take on a serious topic. 0.5 stars extra because it is an accessible way to read about feminism/sexuality especially for a slightly older age demographic that perhaps did not have the same openness about these topics that people my age have.
October 14, 2019
I honestly cannot believe this book has such a high rating on Goodreads. Yes, the topic is relevant and should be talked about, but the author's depressing alcohol-fuelled oh-so-British approach to dating is just so evidently the main problem that it kinda goes without saying. Particularly because she still seems to find it very normal and amusing.
On the other hand, the author's description of the negative way in which she perceived her body is so damn boring and unnecessary. Yes, I get how that can play a part as well, but come on... Are you 15?!
Overall, I don't know whether I'm more disappointed with the author's approach or with the fact that she mirrors a sad reality of the dating scene and women's self-hating mindsets in Britain.
On the other hand, the author's description of the negative way in which she perceived her body is so damn boring and unnecessary. Yes, I get how that can play a part as well, but come on... Are you 15?!
Overall, I don't know whether I'm more disappointed with the author's approach or with the fact that she mirrors a sad reality of the dating scene and women's self-hating mindsets in Britain.
July 15, 2020
I was a bit wary of reading this book at first. Was worried it would make me uncomfortable/cringey.
However, apart from the occasional stylistic disagreement (some of the language was a bit twee for me) I thought this was an excellent book, a really good introduction to lots of ideas, and I think I'm going to get my own copy.
(read with Libby app)
However, apart from the occasional stylistic disagreement (some of the language was a bit twee for me) I thought this was an excellent book, a really good introduction to lots of ideas, and I think I'm going to get my own copy.
(read with Libby app)
November 9, 2020
This book is so important!
January 15, 2024
Really enjoyed this book. It should be mandatory reading as part of sex ex class
April 16, 2020
An unexpectedly relatable memoir, describing in quite specific detail the author's physical and emotional history and how it has affected her.
February 20, 2022
Lucy says all the unspoken things in this book, basically ripping her innermost thoughts out and putting it on a page whilst also making you laugh. This book is informative about female pleasure and also inspirational when discussing gender roles and female repression. And it’s hilarious. Thank you Lucy for writing this book!
February 9, 2025
3,5 ⭐️
June 8, 2024
i wept from the last twenty pages, and continued to weep for ten minutes after finishing it. a book has never made me feel so empowered yet small at once
August 9, 2025
I picked this off the shelf kind of expecting not to like it very much, but have happily come away with several valuable insights and ideas to reflect upon. That said, it was jarringly gender normative at times (not all vagina owners are she/hers), and the writing style wasn't really my vibe.
December 20, 2019
A refreshingly honest look at the "dull, slightly porny" sex I suspect a lot of single Western women of my generation are having, but not talking about. Using a largely comic tone, the author goes through her personal journey to become more engaged with, and intentional about, her own sex life and pleasure, resulting in an autobiographical work that's both entertaining and thought-provoking at the same time.
September 18, 2019
4.5 Stars
Sex. This is an overwhelming word for me. That being said, this book is not and is very hopeful while also being empowering. (Please note: I posted all the notes I highlighted in the book directly from the Kindle app to Goodreads. I was not over zealous in my note taking on this one.) I am in profound admiration of Lucy-Anne Holmes from the first list to the last. Having come of an age and in a culture that is overflowing with male-dominated porn has been, to say the least, dizzying for many of us. I applaud her hutzpah and would encourage both women AND men to read this very informative exploration.
Notes of note:
“When I stand in front of another knowing that my body is miraculous and that I am wonderful. I am love. I am truth. I am strength. I am woman. I am...daughter, sister, ally, healer, visionary, mystic. I am fucking magic.”
“For years and years, I’ve lived my life as a woman who has been told about sex and shown about sex from a man’s perspective.”
“I feel sad at how much time I spent worrying about whether I was desirable instead of thinking about what I desired.”
And finally, but most importantly:
“I am OK as I am.”
Sex. This is an overwhelming word for me. That being said, this book is not and is very hopeful while also being empowering. (Please note: I posted all the notes I highlighted in the book directly from the Kindle app to Goodreads. I was not over zealous in my note taking on this one.) I am in profound admiration of Lucy-Anne Holmes from the first list to the last. Having come of an age and in a culture that is overflowing with male-dominated porn has been, to say the least, dizzying for many of us. I applaud her hutzpah and would encourage both women AND men to read this very informative exploration.
Notes of note:
“When I stand in front of another knowing that my body is miraculous and that I am wonderful. I am love. I am truth. I am strength. I am woman. I am...daughter, sister, ally, healer, visionary, mystic. I am fucking magic.”
“For years and years, I’ve lived my life as a woman who has been told about sex and shown about sex from a man’s perspective.”
“I feel sad at how much time I spent worrying about whether I was desirable instead of thinking about what I desired.”
And finally, but most importantly:
“I am OK as I am.”
August 25, 2019
The main problem most people would have with this book is, I suspect, that it's the sexploits of a straight white cis woman whose not especially interested in other experiences. That's fair, and Holmes' whimsical chick-lit writing style emphasizes the mainstream nature of her sexual identity.
It's hard to imagine any kinkster ever using the phrase "how's your father?", even in jest.
But the weird thing about mainstream sexuality is that it is woefully underdocumented and underexamined. The straights follow an agenda that's defined by PornHub, Cosmo articles on pleasing your lover, and vestigial Christian guilt. Kinksters seem to be much better at things like communication, respect and equal distribution of pleasure.
Holmes does a pretty good job of highlighting some of these problems. An interesting read for the most part.
It's hard to imagine any kinkster ever using the phrase "how's your father?", even in jest.
But the weird thing about mainstream sexuality is that it is woefully underdocumented and underexamined. The straights follow an agenda that's defined by PornHub, Cosmo articles on pleasing your lover, and vestigial Christian guilt. Kinksters seem to be much better at things like communication, respect and equal distribution of pleasure.
Holmes does a pretty good job of highlighting some of these problems. An interesting read for the most part.
December 10, 2020
I feel mean giving this a three. The ideas are fresh, solid and interesting but her style of writing made me cringe. I felt it was too try hard and attempting to be cool rather than flowing. I’m 35 and I don’t need to have information about sex dumbed down for me.
That said, there are notions and information in this that not many feminists are writing about. I’m tired of the same old feminism packaged up in the same arguments. This presents a nicely accessible way for people to read about concepts and therapies that they wouldn’t normally pick up a book on.
I just really want her to stop trying to force the fun and funny tone of voice.
That said, there are notions and information in this that not many feminists are writing about. I’m tired of the same old feminism packaged up in the same arguments. This presents a nicely accessible way for people to read about concepts and therapies that they wouldn’t normally pick up a book on.
I just really want her to stop trying to force the fun and funny tone of voice.
June 3, 2020
For all the author's openness and honesty about sex and her experiences, there is still a natural element of awkwardness around the subject in our society and I think this has manifested itself in the 'Bridget Jones light' tone that the book has at times. I did find this a little irritating (and I say that as a big fan of Bridget Jones) but think it's excusable since the author doesn't claim to be an expert in the field, and to her credit shares both the highs and lows of her journey with the reader very honestly.
February 21, 2021
This book is such a necessary read for every women who ever felt sex was just not as good as it was supposed to be - mainly because of all the acting, and just years and years of women believing they had to satisfy men.
The author is so relatable I caught myself numerous times clapping and praising and just stopping in my tracks and mentally screaming “OH MY GOD THATS IT!!!”.
I love that she also makes sure she is disclaiming all her cultural biases being English and all that...
This book is INCREDIBLE and I loved every bit of it.
The author is so relatable I caught myself numerous times clapping and praising and just stopping in my tracks and mentally screaming “OH MY GOD THATS IT!!!”.
I love that she also makes sure she is disclaiming all her cultural biases being English and all that...
This book is INCREDIBLE and I loved every bit of it.
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