Widower to Widower: Surviving the End of Your Most Important Relationship

by Fred Colby

The greatest fears I had during my grieving was that I was losing control, going crazy, and might make decisions that would harm me, my family, and my friends. This included suicidal thoughts which scared the hell out of me. I was desperate to find answers. Quickly, I found those answers would be hard to find, as resources for widowers are minimal and often of dubious value.In Widower to Widower, I’ve compiled the most vital information I could find on the widower experience into one book, so the reader does not have to search as hard as I had to do. I include many critical issues not addressed in other publications. This can be raw and brutal at times, much like the grieving process itself. Widower to Widower is woven around blogs I wrote during and after my wife's passing. This storytelling element allows the reader to be in the moment with me during the grieving experience, and to see that their own experience is not uncommon.As I’ve learned from hundreds of fellow widowers, mine was not a unique journey but was similar, in many respects, to their journey as well. I am the expert only on my own experience. Each widower’s experience is unique, but there are common threads and shared experiences. We must each find our own path while learning what we can from each other.This second edition includes 60 additional pages of research, insights, resources, and a men’s grief group guide. Reader testimonies are included in the first two pages of this 2nd edition.For more information go www.fredcolby.com

245 pages, Kindle Edition

Published July 15, 2021

About the author

Losing my wife of 45 years inspired me to write "Widower to Widower," to help others to survive this gut wrenching experience. The death of my father and step-father at a young age did not prepare me for the pain and emotional turmoil I experienced when my wife, Theresa, died in 2015 after a yearlong bout with uterine cancer.

I was encouraged by therapists and fellow widowers to put my grief journey into words to help myself and others going through the same situation. "Widower to Widower" is built around a series of blogs I wrote during the first year after my wife's passing. Extensive research, lessons learned, discussions with grief counselors, and conversations with many fellow widowers (often while facilitating a Men's Grief Group I helped to found) helped me to create a unique approach to writing about the challenges facing widowers in their first year of grieving.

My prior writing experience includes newsletters, articles, grant applications, and materials written for community members, government, and nonprofit organizations.

Reviews

[Karen B. · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a widow who started dating a widower, I found Fred Colby’s book to be helpful. Reading it, I better understood what my friend was going through, and how his grieving experience was different from my own. Widower to Widower, is an excellent source of information about the phases of grief that a man might encounter after losing his spouse. His story of his wife’s passing is the setting for the first half of the book, along with the struggles and emotions of those left behind. Mr. Colby delves into his own grief through blogs written during that time, and gives you an inside look at what grief can do to a person and ideas how to confront those feelings. The latter part of the book is devoted to segments of information and advice on where to get help for your grief, dealing with loneliness, getting through holidays and anniversaries, and getting back on your feet and redefining your life. If you or someone you know is struggling with these issues, this book is a must read.

[Graham · Rating 3 out of 5]

A book of two halves, this one. The first half is particularly engaging and comforting for those of us unfortunate enough to find ourselves recently bereaved. We realise that everyone around the world feels the same sensations of guilt, responsibility, loss and overwhelming sadness no matter the circumstances surrounding our loss. The listing of the physical and mental symptoms of grief is also useful to see written down. Colby writes in a friendly, conversational style and one that's effortless to read. My only complaint is that there are far too many random blog entries attached to every chapter and instalment, so much so that their inclusion feels like padding. The second half of the book lost me, going as it does into great detail about sex and dating. I have no interest in this stuff and felt like it belonged in another book, at least when present in this much detail.

[Samuel · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a useful book to read; he raised many good points with which I could identify. It consoled me that my experience has not been unusual.

It's very rooted in the author's own experience, parts of which were also very foreign to me.

I could have done with somewhat less emphasis/reprinting his Caring Bridge posts from along the way. A few might have been helpful, but some felt like filler.

[David Eckert · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good in sharing his personal details & many resource references. Good to see his wife honored. Very detailed on dating as a widower, but that social scene is not my own objective.

[Ward Walker · Rating 5 out of 5]

A helpful look at being a widower from another

As a widower, especially during the social blackout of Covid, I have been looking for others perspectives to help me work through my situation. I found a lot of helpful parallels in this book, and hope to make use of some of his tips for areas where I haven’t walked yet.

[Charles · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very helpful for men who have lost their wives.