Things Were Easier Before You Became a Giant Fucking Mantis

by Matthew A. Clarke

Growing up is never easy, especially when the person you love is turning into a giant fucking mantis.

Jacoboby Bentley and his friends know little of life outside the Super Mantis Killas (SMK). Their day to day lives consist of drinking cheap booze, good drugs, video games, and the occasional mantis-beatdown.

But when Jacoboby’s girlfriend and long-term best friend, Millie, starts to become a mantis, he finds himself questioning everything he has been raised to believe in, unsure of where his loyalties lie. It would be easy to treat her like any other manti-person — regular beatings, chase her out of town, eventually kill her — but is that really what he wants? Or is he willing to turn his back on everyone and everything that he’s ever known in order to spend the rest of his life with her, facing the wrath and retribution of the clan?

Things Were Easier Before You Became a Giant Fucking Mantis shoves you into a bizarre world populated by manti-people, clansmen, and a happy little gnome that you would definitely not want to leave alone with your child.

Genres: Bizarro Fiction, Horror, Fiction

ebook

Published July 8, 2021

About the author

Matthew A. Clarke is a British horror and bizarro author.

He has published fifteen books at the time of writing, and has countless short stories lurking in the darkest corners of the library.

Bizarro


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Bizarro fiction is a contemporary literary genre, which often uses elements of absurdism, satire, and the grotesque, along with pop-surrealism and genre fiction staples, in order to create subversive, weird, and entertaining works. We read that stuff (someone has to) and then write publicly to one another here about the experience of reading it. If you join this group, you can too.

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Website: www.matthewaclarkeauthor.co.uk
Amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/~/e/B082WJJPQ3
Facebook: www.facebook.com/matthewaclarkeauthor

Reviews

[Peter Topside · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this story. It was incredibly creative and unique, telling an oddly endearing story of love, acceptance, and societal evolution. Our main characters, Millie and Jacoboby were very sweet and just wanted to be together in peace. However, Jacob’s mother being the very hate-filled and ignorant leader of the violent SMK group (Anti-Mantis), it proves to be a difficult goal for our star-crossed lovers. But as they navigate through the trials and tribulations of the amazing new society with mantis people and humans coexisting, they learn how to be accepting of not only others, but also of themselves, too. Again, some really simple, but great messages to be read into there. So beyond those two, I want to focus on some of the secondary characters (All distinct and eccentric), most notably Tiny Terry, who is an imprisoned garden gnome that has a filthy and perverted dialogue. Basically every time he spoke, I laughed out loud, so he was great comedic relief. And the author does a wonderful job sprinkling in some hysterical verbiage and internal monologues throughout, too. He just had a great balance to everything. Oh, and there is sex. Not just regular sex, but different species breeding kinda lovin.’ But, once again, the author just had enough balance of passion and humor, without dragging anything out or getting too vulgar. As a side note, his descriptions of Millie as she evolved from human to mantis were great, too. There were plenty of awesome descriptions on her entire form that not only gave me a good visual, but showcased her unique beauty in her new and improved form. This was an amazing story that gets the ole’ Topsider approval.

[Matthew Clarke]

This is my book. I’m not going to rate it. I am simply here to say I hope you all enjoy it, and if you leave a review afterwards, you will be rewarded in the afterlife with more manti-sex than you’ve ever dreamed of.

[Ryder Kinlay · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was a total unexpected surprise… I had never read bizarro before and I honestly thought this book would be a ho hum, okay, but not my cuppa tea.

Well… I. F**king. Loved. This. Book!!

It captured me like I was a kid in a screwed-up, adult version of an Enid Blyton’s world of The Magic Faraway Tree. It had that sweet English charm weaving it’s way through this crazy love story of a Mantis and it’s human. It had a splatter of social commentary without being heavy handed and bogging down the humour and fun of the story.

The world Clarke created and the descriptions were nicely put and not overdone. It was enough to make you kind of believe in this weird and screwed up world.

There were enough gore and fights to add excitement … and the descriptions of the sex scenes were sparse enough to make it not eeeww but instead hilarious.

I have to say I enjoyed this book so much. Here’s to Millie and all of Jacoboby’s spare limbs and victims for a rugby team of critters!

Five solid stars!

[DA · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book so much! Gore, humor, ridiculousness and revenge all in one place. This book is deeper than it seems and it's message is delivered perfectly.

[Frank · Rating 4 out of 5]

THINGS WERE EASIER BEFORE YOU BECAME A GIANT FUCKING MANTIS harkens back to the feel and tone of Bizarro days of yore. And that's saying something since Matthew Clarke is a new voice on the scene. He's studied the classics and is now belting out his own, true-to-form bizarro tales.

Let's face facts, the title is on point. It screams bizarro. You know your getting weird before you open the book.

And when you do open the book and take the ride, it's a wonderful combination of fun, serious, poignant and heartfelt. The story turns on social mores bit never gets heavy-handed. It's a love story at its core. A modern day, bizarro Romeo and Juliette or West Side Story or Bronx Tale.

I cherished this read. It made its point and wrapped up nicely. I hope Clarke returns to this mad world of manti-people and people people it seems a great place to cull amazing stories from.

[Corrina Morse · Rating 5 out of 5]

**REVIEW**

I Knew I Was Going To Love Matt Clarke Latest Book, And With A Title Like That, How Could It Be Anything Other Than Awesome Fun!! 💚

Matts 2nd Bizzarro Novel Had Me Once Again Hooked From The Beginning, Until The Very End....Which Was Brilliant!! 😉
I Love The Way Matt Writes, It Flows Well, It's Humorous, Descriptive, Gross, And You Really Feel Connected To The Characters.
I Read It In One Sitting As I Didn't Want The Fun To Stop!!
The References To KISS Were Hilarious, As Were Matts One Liners..Again! 🤘😂🤘
If You Like Bizzarro, You'll Love This, And If You Don't Like Bizzarro, Give It A Go Anyway, I Think You'll Be Pleasantly Surprised! 😁

COOOWABUUNGA!!!! 5 Fun Filled Bugs From Me 🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗

AVAILABLE NOW AT godless.com

[Seb · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really liked the world created in this story. The cohabitation of the manti-people and people, the mixture of both populations and the obvious racism that results. It was smart and well-crafted!

However, I feel Jacoboby's history with the SMK was unnecessary. I think that an "anonymous" haters group would have fulfilled the same effect and sent a stronger message.

I had a great time and I'm happy I've finally read this book that has been sitting on my TBR for a long time!

[Gareth Houghtonio · Rating 4 out of 5]

If I ever win the Euro Lottery, I would fund someone to make this into a dead good film.

[Danger]

The title doesn't lie. A high-concept fun and freaky love story. Full of moments of violence, adventure, humor, and catharsis, and a bit of a social message hidden in there too. This is good ole fashioned bizarro, demanding your attention. Great stuff.

[Jill · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly entertaining read! I found myself laughing out loud in several spots. Tiny Terry is my favorite!! I don’t believe I’ve ever read Bizarro before, and I’m glad this book was my introduction.

[Horror Bookworm Reviews · Rating 4 out of 5]

Horror Bookworm Reviews
https://horrorbookwormreviews.com/

Jacoboby and Millie are sweethearts. Plans for a bright future together begin as each day seems to have a promising outlook. There’s only one small problem, Millie is in the process of transforming into a praying mantis. Now the couple must struggle with everyday living having to take into account their better half is a long-bodied, large-eyed predatory insect.

Meanwhile…the SMK (Super Mantis Killas), an established anti-manti clan of humans, continue to perform their ritualistic acts of extreme violence towards manti-persons. Their one and only objective in life is to rid manti-people from the face of the earth.

Matthew Clarke blends emotions of metamorphosis terror, carnivorous disgust and bizarre humor into one unsettling skin-shedding orgy of storytelling. From witty manti orientation centers to the concerns of impregnating a loved one without getting your face eaten. Clarke covers every mantid subject matter with tongue in cheek accuracy.

Unforgettable cast members are the authors strength in storytelling. From the unique descriptive transformations of losing teeth, fingerprints and hair to the celebrated Tiny Terry, a gnome with a robust desire for the taboo. These adult themed scenarios of green-flecked gore and manti-flesh on flesh are not for the easily offended.

Things Were Easier Before You Became A Giant Fucking Mantis is not only the greatest title ever, but contains sultry romance, sinister ploys of evil and an underlying moral theme of “it takes more power to build than to burn”. It offers advice of selling mantis sheds on EBay and the cautions of bug spray. Enjoy this bizarro work of horror fiction…I did.

[Todd Love · Rating 5 out of 5]

Clarke is one of my favourite bizzaro authors. This was a great read. Loved the main characters and their well developed story line. A must read! Awesome 😎

[Matthew Clarke]

Mantis was previously published as "Things Were Easier Before You Became a Giant Fucking Mantis". I cannot fathom as to why (perhaps the title, or the gory cover art), but I was unable to advertise it anywhere, which severely limited its audience.

Although this is one of my earlier works, it's still one of my favourite. With a new cover, formatting, title, and afterword, I hope to see it get the attention I firmly believe it deserves.

[Stefanie Duncan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This story is beautiful, a beautiful love story between Jacoboby and Millie, a giant Mantis.

But as most love story goes, there is always something, Jacoboby's mom for instance. She run's the SMK, aka Super Mantis Killas, and they kill Mantis People. See, some humans turn into manti people and some people have a hard time accepting this. Racism and violence makes it hard for the manti people to live a normal live. Jacoboby used to kill Manti people. Until his girlfriend Millie changes. And then is world view changes. And now he is on the run.

This bizarro fiction is an amazing story of love, racism, loyalty, and gnomes. Yes - gnomes.

I loved this story so much. And in the end you'll ask yourself: how far am I willing to go for love? Would I sacrifice my body parts for love?

[Ami Beyer · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a completely wild ride!! If you enjoy bizarro stories, this one is not only really gross, but has some feels. Jacoby and Millie are a bizarro love story!

[DaniPhantom · Rating 4 out of 5]

I cannot be the only Creepcast fan here but this sounds like something that would be read on there. Weird & a bit romantic?? I do not stand for racism against mantids.

[Monica · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have the bad habit of not always checking if I already own a book before buying a new one. I actually own Mantis, by Matthew A. Clarke under it’s previous title, Things Were Easier Before You Became a Giant Fucking Mantis. This is not the first time I’ve acquired second copies of re-released books, but this post isn’t about those.

The cover art on the two editions couldn’t be more different, but both are amazing and eye catching enough that I bought it twice. The first cover shows a somewhat ghastly looking manti-woman’s face. Having read the descriptions of manti-people, I believe that cover is a more accurate representation of what they look like. The cover on the re-release, Mantis, is actually quite beautiful. In my head, the different covers represent how Jacoboby sees the love of his life, Millie, right after she turns (first cover) and how he sees her years afterward when he’s fully accepted their new life together. After all, I think we all see the people with whom we are in love in a rosier hue.

Teenagers Jacoboby and Millie live in a world where some people carry a gene that turns them into giant mantis people. Jacoboby’s mom leads a hate group called Super Mantis Killas who spends their time beating up and murdering manti-people and just being jackasses. As the son of the leader of this group, Jacoboby is dubbed Master of the mantis hating dudebros. One day, his best friend and girlfriend Millie starts to turn. He knew she carried the gene because he knew her sister was a mantis, but her transformation is still a shock to him. He is forced to reexamine everything he’s ever known and decide whether he will continue his life as an SMK Master or start a new life with his mantis girlfriend.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ for me. This bizarre story tackles some surprisingly heavy themes. You’ll find yourself making mantis parallels to real world subjects like racism, loyalty, love, and family. It is well written and thought provoking. It’s imaginative and totally bizarre. It’s got everything I expect from a good bizarro novel. If you’re a fan of bizarro, you’ll love it.

[nightmares.of.eliza · Rating 4 out of 5]

Love Bites (Literally) 🦗💋

Matthew A. Clarke’s Things Were Easier Before You Became a Giant Fucking Mantis opens like a parody of bigotry — mobs, slogans, and “manti-people” as the new outsiders. But the real horror creeps in later: this isn’t just a story about racism; it’s about how men panic when women change.

Jacoboby, our confused, drug-dazed protagonist, spends most of the book oscillating between lust, fear, and guilt. Raised by a fanatical mother who weaponizes purity and punishment, he inherits the worst instincts of masculinity — domination, cowardice, projection — and spends the rest of the novel unlearning them. Millie, the girlfriend who slowly transforms into a mantis, becomes everything he can’t handle: autonomous, sexual, and hungry.

The premise is absurd, but that’s the trick — Clarke uses bizarro language to dissect very real anxieties about sex and control. When Jacoboby wonders if intimacy will cost him his head, it’s not just a joke; it’s evolution biting back. And while the satire wobbles (the gnome subplot is pure filler, undercutting tension with cheap grotesque), the core narrative lands: men who fear being devoured by women rarely notice how much they’ve already consumed.

It’s funny, filthy, and self-aware, but also frustrating — Clarke hints at transformation as liberation, then backs away, tying it up with some moral closure instead of letting the chaos breathe. Still, for a story about interspecies lust and existential shedding, it hits unnervingly close to home.

Verdict: 4 / 5. Uneven but fascinating — part satire, part gender autopsy, all chitin and sweat.

For those who like their metamorphosis messy:
• The Fly (dir. David Cronenberg) — devotion with digestive fluid.
• The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka — the original insectual awakening.
• Tusk (dir. Kevin Smith) — transformation as twisted romance.

#LoveIsACarnivore #BuggedOutRomance #PredatorOrPrey

[Juan Vizcarra · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love Matthew Clarke's work since reading Ebola Saves the Planet and fell in love with his take on the Bizarro genre so I was eager to read this novelette.

This is basically Romeo&Juliet meets District 9 and I loved every second of it. Theres a good balance of drama and action as well as some spicy scenes to keep the plot interesting.

The thing that keeps this and other works from Matthew away from the 5/5 is something that might sound a bit silly, but I just think that sometimes he makes things weird just for the sake of making them weird.
For example, there's a side plot in this book regarding sentient garden gnomes that appears some time after the first 3rd of the story just to set up a strange sidekick near the end. Altough I love the idea, it feels disjointed from the narrative and I feel it should've been explored more in depth for me to make it more impacftul.
There's also some weird pop culture references to the Kiss band and some obscure 80's jingles. I get that this world is supposed to be more of an alternate reality than a futuristic take on our society, but it doesn't go full bizarro on that regard, it's just those bits of worldbuilding that make the whole thing feel like a last minute thought instead of a cohesive part of the universe.

Nevertheless, this book is amazing! And I'm looking forward to read more from the author in the future.

[Lexie McDonough · Rating 5 out of 5]

Things Were Easier Before Youe Became a Giant Fucking Mantis by Matthew Clarke was another killer story that hits on social commentary. Bizarro horror with some very real hitting circumstances but with humans and praying mantises. This is just one you have to read to get. But when I finished it, I told Matt it kind of reminded me of American History X.....which he's never seen, and I'm still concerned about that. A story about internal bias, murder, racism, and a hate group. If you're like me and enjoy the social commentary in your horror pick this up ASAP.

Narrated by Robert "Rein" Ramsay was perfect. One of those narrators who really keep you enthralled in the story. I hope to hear more from him.

I received this audiobook for free in return for an honest review.

[Andrea Tucker · Rating 5 out of 5]

The underlying themes of this book cover prejudice, love, domestic abuse and the effects that family life has on children growing up. However Matt takes on those far-reaching topics, and covers them in a well-written, riotous piece of literature
Truly reflective of Bizzaro Press works, this humorous, somewhat gross read will keep you wanting to turn the page right to the very end

....oh....and mantis sex FTW!!

[Xaxy Carbajal · Rating 3 out of 5]

Me recordó mucho a Everytime we meet at the DQ your whole fucking face explodes

Fue una lectura rápida y debo admitir que me sacó de mi bloqueo lector, pero más allá de eso, no lo consideraría una obra maestra

[beach horrorreader · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a weird little book. Disturbing and heartwarming at the same time. What would you do for love? Hatred is a poison. Bugs are cool.

[Mikey P. Jr · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have never read any bizarro before so I had no idea what to expect. It’s definitely weird but also has a lot of heart.

[Crystal Cook · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not sure if I have to say more than I completely loved this. It’s weird AF and hilarious to boot. Just go read it, hurry up.