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What Happened to Make You Anxious?: How to Uncover the Little “t” Traumas that Drive Your Anxiety, Worry, and Fear
Listen up! It’s time to change the way you manage your anxiety—by working with it rather than against it. This revolutionary guide provides the key to understanding the root cause of your anxiety, so you can break free from its grip. Let’s face anxiety can interfere with every single aspect of your life, from work and family to relationships and finances. Left unchecked, the cycle of anxiety reinforces and perpetuates itself over time, and can leave you feeling paralyzed with fear. You’ve probably attempted to “get rid of” or “outrun” your anxiety, only to find your symptoms growing even stronger. What you need is a new way to deal with one that emphasizes listening to what your anxiety is trying to tell you. In What Happened to Make You Anxious? , anxiety expert Jaime Castillo offers a whole new approach; one that focuses less on avoiding or extinguishing anxiety, and more toward understanding and working with it to create a fulfilling, meaningful life. You’ll learn how your anxiety is connected to what Castillo refers to as “little ‘t’ traumas”—seemingly small, unhealed traumas from your past that drive your fear and worry, so you can get to the root of your anxiety and start healing. Your anxiety works overtime communicating perceived threats; this book will show you how to listen to anxiety, discern which threats are real, which don’t fit the actual facts of the situation, and which are triggered by past events. Once you and your anxiety are on the same page, anxiety will loosen its grip—freeing you up to live with clarity, confidence, and serenity. You’ve tried managing it on your own. You may have even received treatment. If you’re at your wit’s end when it comes to your anxiety, this book will show you a new path toward lasting relief.
184 pages, Paperback
Published June 1, 2022
39 people are currently reading
271 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews
May 9, 2022
What Happened to Make You Anxious? by Jaime Castillo aims to help readers uncover and process the unresolved past little-t traumas that are fuelling their anxiety. It incorporates concepts from several therapeutic approaches, including internal family systems therapy (IFS) and the adaptive information processing model, which is the theoretical basis for eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR). The book differentiates between anxiety that fits the facts and anxiety that doesn’t, and the focus is on the latter.
The author explains that anxiety’s purpose is to communicate about potential dangers that it’s trying to protect you from. “As you become aware of your own unresolved past experiences, you will gain insight into the ways in which your anxiety is trying to protect you... You will acknowledge that you and your anxiety share a common goal, and you don’t actually want it to stop doing its job. Rather than trying to terminate it, you can work with your anxiety to modify its job description in a way that makes life easier for you both.”
Before getting into where the anxiety is coming from, there’s a chapter on skills to help with state change (being able to move from an anxious to a less anxious state) and dual awareness (being able to recall memories while remaining connected to the present where you’re safe), which will help to keep you within your window of tolerance. Readers are encouraged to practice these skills and get comfortable before moving on to the exercises in subsequent chapters.
There’s a chapter on befriending anxiety, which includes experiencing it as a separate entity from the self, with its own motives, thoughts, opinions, and voice. The author explains, “When you can give it space to share its perspective, when you listen to it nonjudgmentally, you will be much more effective at figuring it out than when you try to decide for it.”
This chapter includes an exercise on consciously connecting with your anxiety to help deepen your understanding of what it’s trying to do for you. The goal is to “achieve mutual compassion for one another”, but that often takes time to achieve, as "it makes sense for anxiety to lack trust in you or to feel any other emotion that an ignored person might feel. ” In another exercise in this chapter, you tell your anxiety that "you know it’s doing an important job, and you want to understand more about that job it’s doing for you. Don’t respond just yet. Just listen.”
Francine Shapiro’s adaptive information processing model is used to explain how big-t and little-t trauma memories are stuck in different memory networks rather than being integrated. Little-t traumas are conceptualized as boulders on the mountain of life that you remain tethered to, and the reader is guided through exercises to allow anxiety to lead you back to those boulders so you and it can work together on untethering yourself. “It’s important to maintain trust between you and your anxiety, and if you push yourself too hard, it can cause a tear in the relationship, only reinforcing the perceived need to avoid this work in the future.”
After addressing past traumas, the book shifts to how you can move forward in your relationship with anxiety, which includes establishing a communication plan. “To do this, it is best to go inside and listen for information and answers from your anxiety rather than trying to figure out the answers with your logical mind.” The book also addresses the issue of feeling anxious about not feeling anxious, and needing to negotiate with your anxiety to come up with a new job description for it. "Invite anxiety to assume its new role, and agree to check in with it in a week or two to see how it feels about its new job. Reassure your anxiety that you can always make modifications to its job description as needed."
I can definitely see the internal family systems element in the way that anxiety is anthropomorphized in the book. The whole idea of it feels weird to me just because it’s not a good fit for how my mind works. That’s not to say that it’s a bad thing, though; that’s why I’ve included a lot of quotes so you can get a feel for whether it’s a good fit with how your own mind works. I’m sure that for some people, this approach will be an excellent fit.
One thing I found mildly irritating was all the talk about doing “the work”, but again, that’s a personal idiosyncrasy (I’m not a fan of therapist-speak) rather than being a problem with the book itself.
It’s hard for me to remove my own idiosyncrasies from my overall impression of the book, but I do think it was well written, the key concepts were explained effectively, and the exercises were clearly laid out. The author’s tone was supportive, and she validated the discomfort that people are likely to feel while working through the book. She pointed out the limitations in what can be accomplished with self-help work and encouraged readers to seek support from a therapist if they run up against any of those limitations. I think the biggest determining factor in whether this book will be a good fit for you is if this way of relating to anxiety sounds compatible with your inner world. It’s a different approach from other books on anxiety that I’ve read, and I think that means it can reach people that other books aren’t reaching.
I received a reviewer copy from the publisher through Netgalley.
The author explains that anxiety’s purpose is to communicate about potential dangers that it’s trying to protect you from. “As you become aware of your own unresolved past experiences, you will gain insight into the ways in which your anxiety is trying to protect you... You will acknowledge that you and your anxiety share a common goal, and you don’t actually want it to stop doing its job. Rather than trying to terminate it, you can work with your anxiety to modify its job description in a way that makes life easier for you both.”
Before getting into where the anxiety is coming from, there’s a chapter on skills to help with state change (being able to move from an anxious to a less anxious state) and dual awareness (being able to recall memories while remaining connected to the present where you’re safe), which will help to keep you within your window of tolerance. Readers are encouraged to practice these skills and get comfortable before moving on to the exercises in subsequent chapters.
There’s a chapter on befriending anxiety, which includes experiencing it as a separate entity from the self, with its own motives, thoughts, opinions, and voice. The author explains, “When you can give it space to share its perspective, when you listen to it nonjudgmentally, you will be much more effective at figuring it out than when you try to decide for it.”
This chapter includes an exercise on consciously connecting with your anxiety to help deepen your understanding of what it’s trying to do for you. The goal is to “achieve mutual compassion for one another”, but that often takes time to achieve, as "it makes sense for anxiety to lack trust in you or to feel any other emotion that an ignored person might feel. ” In another exercise in this chapter, you tell your anxiety that "you know it’s doing an important job, and you want to understand more about that job it’s doing for you. Don’t respond just yet. Just listen.”
Francine Shapiro’s adaptive information processing model is used to explain how big-t and little-t trauma memories are stuck in different memory networks rather than being integrated. Little-t traumas are conceptualized as boulders on the mountain of life that you remain tethered to, and the reader is guided through exercises to allow anxiety to lead you back to those boulders so you and it can work together on untethering yourself. “It’s important to maintain trust between you and your anxiety, and if you push yourself too hard, it can cause a tear in the relationship, only reinforcing the perceived need to avoid this work in the future.”
After addressing past traumas, the book shifts to how you can move forward in your relationship with anxiety, which includes establishing a communication plan. “To do this, it is best to go inside and listen for information and answers from your anxiety rather than trying to figure out the answers with your logical mind.” The book also addresses the issue of feeling anxious about not feeling anxious, and needing to negotiate with your anxiety to come up with a new job description for it. "Invite anxiety to assume its new role, and agree to check in with it in a week or two to see how it feels about its new job. Reassure your anxiety that you can always make modifications to its job description as needed."
I can definitely see the internal family systems element in the way that anxiety is anthropomorphized in the book. The whole idea of it feels weird to me just because it’s not a good fit for how my mind works. That’s not to say that it’s a bad thing, though; that’s why I’ve included a lot of quotes so you can get a feel for whether it’s a good fit with how your own mind works. I’m sure that for some people, this approach will be an excellent fit.
One thing I found mildly irritating was all the talk about doing “the work”, but again, that’s a personal idiosyncrasy (I’m not a fan of therapist-speak) rather than being a problem with the book itself.
It’s hard for me to remove my own idiosyncrasies from my overall impression of the book, but I do think it was well written, the key concepts were explained effectively, and the exercises were clearly laid out. The author’s tone was supportive, and she validated the discomfort that people are likely to feel while working through the book. She pointed out the limitations in what can be accomplished with self-help work and encouraged readers to seek support from a therapist if they run up against any of those limitations. I think the biggest determining factor in whether this book will be a good fit for you is if this way of relating to anxiety sounds compatible with your inner world. It’s a different approach from other books on anxiety that I’ve read, and I think that means it can reach people that other books aren’t reaching.
I received a reviewer copy from the publisher through Netgalley.
March 5, 2024
Informative and insightful.
June 1, 2022
What Happened to Make You Anxious? an incredible self-help guide for reaching freedom from the limitations produced by anxiety. Jamie Castillo’s approach offers an honest, compassionate, and accessible process for uncovering and healing the little “t” traumas. This book guides the reader in identifying how today’s anxiety can be produced by unresolved little “t” traumas from the past. The exercises throughout the book navigate through building safety, connecting with anxiety, healing wounds, and developing a working relationship with anxiety. What Happened provides a unique and comprehensive guide to achieving a powerful transformation in your experience and relationship to anxiety. I highly recommend this book!
October 18, 2022
Here is another anxiety related self help book that I have read recently. Most of the books I have read have used Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy but this book has a fresh take. It focuses on Internal Family systems and eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. These techniques are becoming more widely used in therapy and I am a particular fan of internal family systems.
This book brings you back to when your anxiety started. The initial trigger as such. Instead of blocking your anxiety the book helps you to accept your anxiety. With understanding comes less fear. This is a great read if you are looking for something new.
I received an arc of this book via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. All thoughts and opinions are my own.
This book brings you back to when your anxiety started. The initial trigger as such. Instead of blocking your anxiety the book helps you to accept your anxiety. With understanding comes less fear. This is a great read if you are looking for something new.
I received an arc of this book via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. All thoughts and opinions are my own.
June 5, 2022
Highly recommend this book for anyone struggling with anxiety. It’s definitely the most interesting book I’ve read on the subject, as it takes a very different approach and helps you look at your anxiety in a different light than what we’re used to (getting at the root rather than using skills as a bandaid). Also full of helpful exercises and practical tips. The author has a kind, encouraging voice.
September 11, 2022
After going through years of counseling using techniques of EMDR and IFS (Internal Family Systems), this book intrigued me as I’m on a mission now to help others find growth/healing like I have. This book went through nearly identical processes as my counselor has helped me work through, and I’m excited to have this as a resource to share with friends. I think the concepts in the book could go beyond just anxiety as well. Highly recommend.
June 2, 2022
I thoroughly enjoyed reading “What Happened to Make You Anxious.” Jaime Castillo shares relatable stories, a few of which described me to a T. The techniques taught in this book are for lifelong changes versus covering up or masking anxiety. I am grateful this book exists and plan to recommended to everyone I know!
June 20, 2022
Exceptional, enlightening, and important. Castillo has crafted a beautiful road map to ease (and ultimately befriend) your own anxiety. Her exercises are wonderfully accessible and insightful. I highly recommend this book for anyone burdened by anxiety - Castillo’s empathy and pragmatism are a bright light during this difficult work. She is an exciting new voice in the world of self-help writing.
October 26, 2022
Good stuff! A great start to establishing some insight into understanding my relationship with my anxiety. Got some significant feedback from the first few chapters alone - discovering my calm visualization, and recognizing anxiety is a separate entity. Excited to have more conversations with my anxiety to find even more calm and peace of mind.
January 14, 2023
4.5
An extremely helpful book for understanding and arming self with tools to address anxiety. The framing and exercises I. The book made so much sense and we’re a very helpful way to think about and approach anxiety. Look forward to using and trying all the exercises (tried some of the earlier ones, and they were enlightening and helpful.
An extremely helpful book for understanding and arming self with tools to address anxiety. The framing and exercises I. The book made so much sense and we’re a very helpful way to think about and approach anxiety. Look forward to using and trying all the exercises (tried some of the earlier ones, and they were enlightening and helpful.
February 15, 2024
I have followed Jamie on socials for awhile and really enjoy her insight. This book was a good way to help folks rethink their anxiety. As it has a lot of exercises and journal prompts, I wish I had a physical copy instead of audiobook. I also did not like the audiobook narrator.
March 18, 2022
Interesting read.
December 14, 2022
My biggest issue is that Catello never defines what a little t trauma is, she just talks about it and works from the perspective that we all know what it is.
September 5, 2023
Practical book about working with anxiety.
Great resource as it contains many exercises to be done as you progress in your journey of understanding and treating anxiety. It provides self guides for mindfulness and journal in order to better approach to support the treatment.
Great resource as it contains many exercises to be done as you progress in your journey of understanding and treating anxiety. It provides self guides for mindfulness and journal in order to better approach to support the treatment.
January 17, 2023
I found this book to be extremely informative and insightful! The author’s personal experience and knowledge of anxiety offered a one of a kind perspective into anxiety and mental health struggles. I found the content very useful to me as someone who suffers from many of the issues that were discussed in this book. The journal activities were easy to understand and the author did a great job of giving the reader guidance on when to continue and when to pause and hold off.
I found the inclusive mindset of this particular LCSW very refreshing and validating! I was hooked from the first chapter due to their perspective of environmental and systemic mental health setbacks.
I’ve already recommended this read to friends who suffer from anxiety and plan to purchase this book so I can continue to reference back to particular parts, highlight eye opening passages and work through the exercises again and again.
I found the inclusive mindset of this particular LCSW very refreshing and validating! I was hooked from the first chapter due to their perspective of environmental and systemic mental health setbacks.
I’ve already recommended this read to friends who suffer from anxiety and plan to purchase this book so I can continue to reference back to particular parts, highlight eye opening passages and work through the exercises again and again.
Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews