Fruit Punch

by Kendra Allen

An arresting and one-of-a-kind memoir about the alternately exultant and harrowing trip growing up as a Black child desperate to create a clear reality for herself in this country Written in a distinctive voice and filled with personality, humor, and pathos, Fruit Punch is a memoir unlike any other, from a one-of-a-kind millennial talent. Growing up in Dallas, Texas, in the nineties and early 2000s, Kendra Allen had a complicated, loving, and intense family life filled with desire and community but also undercurrents of violence and turmoil. “We equate suffering to perseverance and misinterpret the weight of shame,” she writes. As she makes her way through a world of obscureness, Kendra finds herself slowly discovering outlets to help navigate growing up and against the expected performance of being a young Black woman in the South—a complex interplay of race, class, and gender that proves to be ever-shifting ground. Fruit Punch touches on everything from questions of beauty and how we form concepts of ourselves—as a small rebellion, young Kendra scratched a hole into every pair of stockings she was forced to wear—to what it means to grow up in her great uncle’s Southern Baptist church—with rules including “No uncrossed ankles” and “No questions.” Inflected by a powerful sense of place and touched by poetry, Fruit Punch is a stunning achievement—a memoir born of love and endurance, fight or flight, and what it means to be a witness, from a blisteringly honest and observant voice. 

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Biography, Audiobook, Contemporary, Biography Memoir, Feminism

176 pages, Hardcover

First published August 9, 2022

Reviews

[April (whataprilreads) · Rating 4 out of 5]

4✨

"Before you read this book, know that you don't gotta finish it... I know we tend to use words like trigger and trauma loosely, but you know what you know and what you feel, so when you know what it is you're feeling — don't force yourself to sit in my memories with me if it causes even a little bit of pain or suffering."

This was part of the Author's Note at the beginning of Fruit Punch and I thank Kendra Allen for writing this, for warning me (and any other reader) drawn to this beautiful cover and interesting memoir. The warning was necessary. It did not at all take away from the reading experience.

I know what you're waiting on, my actual thoughts on this, and I really don't know if what I write here will do this memoir justice. I haven't read something with a voice like this — distinctly poetic and emotionally raw. I haven't read something that made my skin feel like skin over my body like this did. I haven't read something that hurt the way this hurt. It is tabbed to holy hell because there were so many lines, so many moments that I related to Allen. That I knew what she was saying. That I recognized that moment in time. The words clicked.

I want to close out this reflection with big thank you to Ecco Books for sharing an ARC of Fruit Punch with me. It drops August 2022, so it might already be on shelves near you.

—

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[chantel nouseforaname · Rating 5 out of 5]

Striking and insane in a way. A sadly relatable meditation on growing up and internalizing the skewed relationships around you. Poetic. Relatable. Unapologetically Black. Reggie Reads and Books are Pop Culture led me to this read and I’m so grateful that the Black Bookstagram community and Booktube community keeps putting me on these type of reads. I felt my heart change when I read this memoir. I felt my eyes open and her story, Kendra Allen’s reflections stepped across the line to me.

It was too short. I feel like Kendra Allen has oceans inside of her. I feel like there’s more.

It was a remarkable effort. Fruit Punch is poetic and clear eyed in its execution, even when the writer is trying to appear muddled as a means of self protection. Moments read like the author was doing that thing where people who don’t drink - pretend to be drunk around drunk people to fit in - but they’re really getting to observe all the goings on around them.

The book had a lot to say about how we internalize absence and the close relationships that single mothers build with their children and how it both helps and hurts them. It was really, really fucking good. One of my favourite reads of 2022.

[Bobbieshiann · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fruit Punch is a young Black girls coming age story that brings forth numerous moments of reflection. There is the dysfunctional dynamics of her parents who are toxic together and yet sexually, they’re like magnets. “How sex is the only thing I know about whatever love they could have possibly shared”. There is her own encounter with sex as her cousin puts his penis in her hand to have intercourse while she’s sleeping or her parents having sex right next to her. There’s the complex of church as a child, the blame being place on the girls as they are “fast” and “boys are just being boys”.

Relationships at 14 showed the dynamics of men and women and the lack of commitment displayed. The need to appear okay but not understanding heartbreak or how to speak out your truth when it is often overshadowed.

Fruit Punch shows a families complex way of loving and acceptance while trying to navigate through it as a child but finding a bit of rebellion with age.

[Theodore · Rating 5 out of 5]

refreshing.

[Samantha · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars
CW: sexual assault

Poetic prose memoir. Coming-of-age. Stream-of-consciousness remembrance. Adolescence in the religious South and finding your way through rebellion. Kendra Allen is one to watch. These didn't particularly feel like stories I hadn't read before, but Allen's telling of them did. I appreciate the blurred recollections, how she makes it clear that she doesn't remember what age a certain event occurred, but that it also doesn't quite matter. So much about the way this memoir reads speaks to the uncertainty around memory and memories.

[afrobookricua · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is what the fuck writing is about. My insides hurt real bad. Kendra Allen really got my whole heart and wallet now.

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! Poetic memoir about a fucked up and overly sexualized childhood in Texas. Amazing writing. Amazing audiobook narration by the author.

[Danielle | Dogmombookworm · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5

FRUIT PUNCH |

Oh my... this book felt like a sucker punch. it felt like peeling back skin and squeezing your nails into the softest parts of dear flesh to make the burning of other things louder. Louder than the internal screaming

While it deals with some hard to read trauma and pain that Allen has been forced to submerge and not deal with, Allen tells it in such a way that makes you feel like the child again. You're not sure what's going on. You're frozen in space, tears streaming down your face. One way that she does this is her repeated used of age. 10 years old. 9 years old. 13, 17. Because she's transported back in time and really the age isn't the important thing. What's the significance of a cut off between 9 and 10 when it's the house you lived at the summer you're friend lived across the block and you all hung out that summer.

This book feels like it's carved out an old aching wound for a child I wish I'd known or could know and press into a deep hug.

[Myni ~ myniturnspages · Rating 5 out of 5]

Heartbreaking and humorous?

[riley p · Rating 5 out of 5]

truly a heartfelt and brutally honest memoir. i loved kendra's writing style--a stream of consciousness that was sharp and fluid. i found myself relating so much to her struggles with self-doubt, autonomy, and finding her voice. a great read!

[Victoria Richard · Rating 3 out of 5]

So good. I love the way the author talks about the memory lapses associated with trauma and the way that feeling is captured in the body.

However, I do wish the ending had been a little more clear, with the last two chapters maybe being reversed.

[Kimberly · Rating 4 out of 5]

This author is incredibly talented—her prose reads more like poetry in some chapters. This is a deeply sad book, so despite its short length I found myself having to take several breaks. Warnings for domestic violence, sexual assault, sexual abuse, generational trauma. Beautifully written but very heavy.

[Teri · Rating 3 out of 5]

An adolescent memoir of a black girl in Texas navigating her way - unstable family, religious presence, physical beauty. Kendra tries to sort through it all and finds her identity as a writer.

[Agata Wang · Rating 4 out of 5]

Omg Kendra Allen THANK YOU for writing this, for not giving up on yourself, for sharing that rawness and honesty like the light of a firefly seeking others who think themselves utterly alone in the darkness, and for your beautiful author’s note.
"Before you read this book, know that you don't gotta finish it... I know we tend to use words like trigger and trauma loosely, but you know what you know and what you feel, so when you know what it is you're feeling don't force yourself to sit in my memories with me if it causes even a little bit of pain or suffering."

I want to print out the entire Coming of Age chapter and tape it to my mirror.
“I’m too scared to cry in the light so I touch myself at midnight… and think about sounds to stop myself from spiraling. And this is the only way I know how, because sex and shame in myself has become a lifeline I’ve been conditioned to be good at”

“First it’s my hand, then it’s the shower faucet, then you hate yourself, then it’s insert object here, then you remember you can cry, you can feel… then you hate yourself because it takes so much to feel, then you punish yourself for feeling but you can’t stop because overstimulation is the only way you feel like you won’t disperse into your bloodline.”

“Everyone thinks you’re the loveliest, most secure girl in the world because you can do things well and still manage to be kind about it, and once you do it so long you wish you could tell somebody the legs don’t necessarily shake as much as they stiffen”

“I’m 12, and I already taking my choices too seriously to the point that I rarely choose”

[The Lazy Library · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wow what a memoir! Gotta say, bravo to the audiobook performance read by the author herself, I really enjoyed hearing her hold back a laugh and was moved when I could hear the emotion caught in her throat. Her coming of age story is poetically written and it made me grieve for the fact that as a kid, she didn't seem to be given the freedom to be childlike. Also, she had the best written author's note (check it out for content warnings) and acknowledgements maybe ever? Really enjoyed this, can't wait to see what else she writes. Be prepared to hate men after reading this.

[Jasmine Wilson · Rating 4 out of 5]

an eerie amount of similarities between kendra’s childhood and my own, which seems even more heartbreaking realizing that so many of us probably could relate.
love the raw, stream-of-consciousness prologue that feels so open and authentic in too many ways to count.
my biggest complaint is how the book wraps, feeling so incomplete imo but also that’s real life ?¿?¿

[Shannon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Painfully relevant to my life.

[chantal · Rating 5 out of 5]

i have nothing to do with texas and im not an only child and i can't drive but i know the feelings she's described and understand the experiences and am grateful that she wrote it. this is a book about in betweeness of the way we feel about parents and digesting childhood and coming of age. you should read it.

[Meghan Arnold · Rating 4 out of 5]

Raw poetic prose that captures how memories can be dissociative when a person processes childhood trauma. Highly recommend this beautiful and painful book of gorgeous writing.

[Andrew Eder · Rating 2 out of 5]

I mean tbh nothing really happens. Like it wasn’t a story as much of a list of things that happened. Then there was a lot of remembrance of what she did to impress and with teenage crushes. Like I felt like I was reading a teenage diary. This just did not. The audiobook was borderline painful to listen to because of the phrasing and timing. It just left literately zero impression on me and I would not recommend it.

[Maya · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a beautiful memoir. Difficult and triggering? Yes. But also funny, nostalgic, and real. A lot of '90s babies in particular will enjoy its references. The first half immediately grabbed me, and I ended up staying up wildly late to finish it. I had to read it in one sitting. The writing was vivid and insightful, the voice clear. In the second half things got heavier, especially in the therapy session chapters (my favorites). I stayed up late again to finish. Kendra Allen's voice is compelling and original, and it's clear that she's a poet. The structure and rhythm of Fruit Punch really heightened the reader experience. I'm excited for whatever comes next and will definitely be buying this for my bookshelf when it comes out.

[Rae · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kendra's memoir is important and should be read, if you can do it in safe way. There's a lot of heartbreak and a lot of hurt; take care of yourself if you decide to read.

I hate how lonesome and validating Kendra Allen's words are. They speak to those parts of me that I didn't want to remember, but feel grateful for the chance to process now.

As a woman of color who also grew up in Texas, there's so much within her memoir that I feel myself in. The family dynamics, the way religion holds, and they way women are viewed; it's all there and it was all real.

[Jamie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Perhaps my highest praise of Kendra Allen’s Fruit Punch is that I knew the moment I finished it, I would be reading it again. This memoir is a coming of age that sees around and through the motions of adulthood by her parents and extended family. Allen learns the performance of daughter while also parenting herself. As she grows up, she builds an internal resistance to their messaging, while also often trapped in the physical reality of the dance between fight/flight, of the bodies tired fold of trauma.

[Smileitsjoy (JoyMelody) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Kendra Allen does it again with her memoir. I have been a fan of Allen since her first book and to see her illustrate her range in different genres has been amazing.
Reading her memoir truly shines light on all of her other work.
This book addresses many topics that go unaddressed in the Black family.

[Megan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Raw, emotional read. Received via Goodreads Giveaway. Released August 9th!

[Nadia Keaton · Rating 4 out of 5]

pros
-beautiful writing like ive never read anything this poetic and full of honesty, perspective and heaviness
-i love that its not chronologically told
-an ode to the ugly and the good- this book isnt just filled that horrifying trauma. i really enjoy the lighthearted parts
-unexpectedly humorous at some points
-honestly a little too relatable- a lot of these paragraphs hit hard
-although i felt like the repetition was too much i did enjoy how the author talked about her relationship with heartbreak when she was 13 and 14.
-strain between father and mother is written so so well
-honestly a difficult read because of the subject matter, it took me weeks to read this pretty short book
-multiple complex characters
-kendra as a whole is relatable in the way she pretends nothing happened in her past and instead puts effort in her goals and herself in order to get away from her issues. when she said it all caught up to her-GIRL YEAH ME FUCKING TOO
-really enjoyed the irregular prose, it was really interesting how she would work it in


cons
-way too short, i really wanted more from the ending
-i feel like i was on the precipice of character development. like i dont know how to explain it. its not like im asking for a happy ending where kendra is perfectly healed but i do feel like it feels incomplete. like im seeing the therapy and the realizations on how terrible her childhood is but i think i just wanted like an epilouge where its like "5 years later, heres an update on how im doing and what ive learned from therapy"
-bestie kendra please stop with the poetic repetition. like i know this is a artistic choice but it got really old and then it took away from the message
-some sentences didnt make sense but this could also be my fault
-although the subject matter made it hard to read this book, the authors writing made it even more difficult. i mean i liked that it felt more real, i love the conversational tone of it, but again i literally had to reread paragraphs multiple times just to get the gist of what kendra was trying to say

[Katherine · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a white female who grew up in Montana, I didn't think I would be able to relate much to this author of color, growing up in Dallas, in a much different family and social environment. I was wrong, and was so humbled by the parallels in this I was able to draw in my own life. I think trauma has a weird way of connecting people, raising a mirror to the bleakest parts of ourselves, and exposing the things we try to leave in the darkest recesses of our minds, while also humanizing our experiences and allowing us to justify and validate the way we harbor our trauma, especially when others don't feel our trauma responses are justified. This book did an amazing job of addressing painful topics of sexual assault, familial trauma, depression, anxiety, love, and loss of self. It gives a realistic look into the experiences children face that leave them in a perpetually turbulent state, constantly trying to find footing in a world where they feel isolated and as though they must bear these weights alone. It accurately depicts how trauma blurs your memories into one incomprehensible timeline of hurt, and chaos, and did this even happen?. It shows the blame that victims often place on themselves, and the generational pressure felt to conceal and deal with issues on one’s own. It shows the accrued weight of trying to carry burdens over years, and how the accumulation of all of those experiences are carried into adulthood - each contribution forming the people we are - the trust we’ve lost, the dependency on independence we form, the fear overshadowing hope, the haze we find ourselves in trying to survive in a never-ending state of fight, flight, or freeze. Amazing memoir, with an alarming, haunting, honest voice. Highly recommend. Kendra, if you happen to read this, thank you for being brave enough to share your story. You are an inspiration, you are resilient, you are worthy, and so strong. I truly hope you find the peace and happiness you deserve.

[Brittany Allen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Kendra Allen told a story. An interesting story. The writing style, the some lines being skipped and others starting lower down the page was interesting to me. It was definitely purposeful but I couldn’t tell what the purpose was.
The voice in the story was amazing. I could relate to the slang and even some of Kendra’s sentiments. I was able to draw comparisons between us, not necessarily her experiences but some of her thoughts on other people. She had many opinions on men. Some of which made me literally yell out Facts! And other points where it just made me feel sad for her. Her relationship with her family was a chaotic one.
The uncertainty on the age was confusing to me. I know it was purposeful but I think I would have liked a bit more concrete on that. I mean it didn’t really matter but I like definites so were you 14 or 12 or 13?! Another point that I thought about a lot was her situation with Never. She doesn’t say if she feels like it was as serious as it might have been but she knows it was something. I like how it’s brought back at the end in regards to her conversation with LA.

This memoir was very entertaining, funny, and heart breaking in some instances. I wanted to connect more or follow better with the things that happened to her but some points I feel like she described the emotions in the situation and not necessarily the details of the situation.
This was a quick read and I’m glad I picked it up. The cover and author’s last name def caught my attention.

[Kandace · Rating 4 out of 5]

Gorgeous writing, difficult story. I listened to the book and the author's narration took some getting used to as she has a very prominent Texas accent that brings authenticity to the places she describes. Allen provides a content warning at the beginning of her book about not having to finish it, which I appreciate it. It is a difficult story to listen to all at once, and I found myself wanting to see where the story will go, but only able to do so in smaller bits here and there, after preparing myself. It's not that the actions that she describes are any worse than the realities a lot of young girls face, but the way she writes about it cuts so deep. She is so effective at affect, at making the reader feel the complexity of that time in one's life and the legacy of being twelve, or thirteen, or maybe seventeen... a motif she brings into the story across a span of time that presents a reality that is shaped by the mutiplicity of how memory and impact work, instead of a linear tale.

[Amelia · Rating 4 out of 5]

"For some reason we equate suffering to perseverance and misinterpret the gravity of shame, the duration of its presence; how we always end up stuck in the ages it starts."

Told through a series of harrowing vignettes teeming with adolescence and sexuality, Allen spares nobody. Not even herself. Her language is fruitful and colorful, striving to piece together a narrative that simultaneously makes sense and tears itself apart. This makes for a beautifully powerful book, but at times a difficult one, too.

Is it strange to say that this book is entertaining? I don't want to consider someone's trauma as something that intrigues me, like it's a storyline made for television or a novel. But it's something to behold, a memoir unlike any others in terms of style, construction, and language.