Integrated: Living Beyond the Sex Trade

by Deanna Lynn

Though I had once asked, “Do women make it out of the sex trade?” I was beginning to ask a new “What does everyday life look like after the sex trade?” Since leaving the sex trade ten years ago, I noticed a lack in the area of published, tangible transition experiences from trauma to triumph for someone once purchased. So many terrific outreach programs exist to help people escape a life in the sex industry. But what happens next? What happens when you leave that place of safety or refuge? I’ve seen stories of the before and examples of the ministry that is possible after, but I have not encountered much available material about the life in-between. For this reason, I offer my life to you in these pages in hopes of reaching people who are past the rescue and heading toward a truly rewarding life.In fifteen chapters, I share my account of re-entering the world after my time at Refuge for Women. I share how I transformed from an insecure but hopeful survivor of the sex trade to being a happily married, present, and loving mother of two; graduating with a master’s degree; managing a non-profit; and writing books in my spare time. After spending most of my life compartmentalizing and dissociating in order to survive the toll the sex trade took on my soul and my mental and emotional well-being, I can honestly say I have been able to do the work of integrating all parts of my walk, and I am now moving forward in healthy ways. This process of integration has afforded me the opportunity to have a successful—though still awkward at times—transition back into society. I am now honored to offer insight and illustration as to what that journey actually looked like.In this book, I hope to address some of the biggest fears that survivors face. These fears include pressing questions, such as what happens when people find out about your past? Anxiety at being found out by people like a boss, peers, or even a significant other and their family plagues many who are trying to picture their happily even after story. I detail such encounters throughout this book, including my thoughts and reactions at the time, and even how my experiences and anxieties have continued to be redeemed as I keep showing up to the next chapter of my life. Most of the struggles I talk about in this book are pertinent issues for many sex-trade survivors transitioning into life after healing programs. But learning how to navigate the majority of these challenges is a shared human experience and much of what I experienced in my transition was—to my surprise—a healthy part of growing up.If you feel as if you are currently stumbling your way through insecurities and barely surviving in day-to-day life, your experience is normal. You will gain more confidence as you have new and healthy experiences, distinct from the tragic ones you had before. New and healthy experiences are not always comfortable and are sometimes even downright painful. When we re-enter society, we will logically be triggered. Both our bodies and minds carry with them the memories of our pasts, and some of that may not fully go away. But with time, intentionality, and integration, we can live a free and full life, even when not everything painful or difficult is removed.The more I have continued down the path of integration and healing, the more deeply convinced I have become that life isfull and worth showing up to. I am so glad I stepped out of my comfort zone—first, to get the healing I needed, and then, to walk out my healing each and every day. Lots of little decisions each day led me to a life beyond trying to stay afloat and into truly living free.

235 pages, Kindle Edition

Published July 11, 2021