When Secrets Become Stories: Women Speak Out

by Sue Nyathi (Editor)

In sharing their experiences from girlhood to the boardroom, from Cape Town’s suburbs to the hills of KwaZulu-Natal, women from different walks of life show how chillingly common male violence against women is. Together, their voices form a deafening chorus.

Gender-based violence feeds on shame and silence but in this extraordinary collection, brave women reclaim their power and summon the courage in others to do the same. In speaking out, sharing what was once secret, shame’s hold is broken.

Heart-rending at times, it is the honesty and courage of the writing that truly inspires.

198 pages, Paperback

Published January 1, 2021

Reviews

[Harriet · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have so many feelings about this book! I feel immense gratitude for these stories, all of which have been written and shared by incredible women. I feel anger at the unfairness of our world and the power imbalance between men and everyone else. I feel sad that these stories are just a few and there are many, many more that are unspoken. And I feel hopeful. Hopeful that the more we talk about this important conversation, the safer we make our world. Just… thank you ❤️

[Puleng Hopper · Rating 4 out of 5]

A heavy , sad , but essential book. ‘When Secrets Become Stories- women speak out’ constitute on going conversations the nation must have, as long as gender based violence exist, its perpetrators remain unrehabilitated , unreformed , and are not called to book. More importantly as the beginning of the healing process and rehabilitation for the perpetrators.

I was consoled by the fact that the 27 women contributors , unlike the average number of 7 women that are murdered daily in South Africa , lived to tell their stories and are on the mend.

All men must read such texts to propel them to call each other out, to do serious work on themselves , and to stop treating women’s bodies as battlefields.

As readers the book will get us to introspect with regards to the role we may be playing in fuelling GBV. Do we believe victims when they open up. Do we justify , Harbour and protect perpetrators?

[Ayanda Xaba · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a very important book 🤞🏾 I'm amazed and encouraged by the bravery of these women not only for sharing their stories, but also the willingness to help other women who have not yet found their voice (or have lost it forever.)

[Shantalie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a highly depressing read. You hear the stats on GBV in South Africa all the time, especially since the start of the pandemic. However, hearing real-life stories from various walks of life and from women who've experienced this abuse at every different age and stage of life really highlights how bleak the situation is. And institutions, families, and cultures are all complicit in it. Although, some of the stories were of survival despite the abuse, which offers a glimmer of hope to those experiencing GBV on any level, the prospects for this country feel rather grim after reading this. However, I think it's important for these stories to be told publically so people can understand how complicated things are and also get angry about the extent of the problems. I do wish the authors hadn't had to use pseudonyms to protect the identity of the criminal perpetrators because honestly, they deserve all the hate they receive!

[Caroline Nyakata · Rating 5 out of 5]

A book I can't really put into words, because the experiences shared are heartbreaking and shattering. As much as on the news and online we see these stories, reading this book was difficult. The amount of Gender Based Violance that women and children experience is unexplainable and shouldn't be happening.

I'll share few quotes that have been repeated through out the book by victims blaming themselves for what has happened to them and THEY ARE NOT TO BLAME!
*"If I want a peaceful relationship, one of us needs to accept,absorb and not push back. My compliance comes not only from a sense that I am to blame, but also somehow I am able to bear more than him "
*"In my trying to keep the peace, I had given up so much of myself."

[silindile zibane · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a read

If you’ve ever used or thought any of the words like she asked for it or told yourself it’s not that bad then you must pick up this book… What a read… true stories. Traumatic but kept reading because I realized how naive I was. Some of these women are in our lives well dressed killing it in the corporate world yet living in war zones they call home!!! The only sad thing about this book is that it’s likely to be read by mostly women. Men need to read this book as well. Traumatic events yet very educational.

[Margot Doherty · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have to read these essays slowly because each one makes me so angry that I have to take a break, and start again with another story a few days later. This is a powerful, way overdue, collection of "ordinary" women's stories that once again illustrates just how endemic sexual violence is and how disproportionately silent we are as a society about it. Huge congratulations to editor Sue Nyathi and every single woman who told her story. We have to start saying an enormous, collective NO.

[Azu Rikka · Rating 4 out of 5]

Heartbreaking, thought-provoking and nuanced, this collection of stories displays different ways of male abuse against women: financial, emotional, and sexual.
It highlights the complexity of abuse and, often, how the victims dealt with it.
The story that moved me the most, by content and writing style, is "A flower by any other name", written by Dibi Breytenbach.
I like the structure of this collection with the introduction and statistics and resources at the end.

[Paballo · Rating 5 out of 5]

We need to hear more of these stories to liberate us from abuse. I’ve learned and acknowledged that abuse comes in many forms. One’s experiences is not better than the other, some people will believe because they were raped or beaten then emotional abuse is not abuse. There’s levels to this thing. I’m grateful for this book and the contributors. Wow, what an emotional roller coaster!

[Denira Varma · Rating 4 out of 5]

A difficult, but essential read. Well put together with stories that are diverse, candid and brave

[Rach · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fantastic and haunting

Brilliant and Horrific story telling. Made me so very sad and so angry at the same time. A must read.

[Blessing Rapotu · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well-written stories, though heartbreaking & triggering. Abuse is so complex.

[Taybah_tells · Rating 5 out of 5]

Warning: approach with caution, and please, for the love of all that is good, take your time while reading this book.
It's something that cannot, CANNOT, be read in one sitting.

I read this book for the first time in August last year, and it wrecked me.

I just finished reading it for a second time, and I simultaneously wondered "why did you read this for a second time?" because of how it affected me, while also thinking how important it was to read it again, to remind myself of the horrors that we as women in SA have to endure.

And I can tell you this much.. it won't be the last time I'm reading it, either.

An absolutely necessary collection of stories.