The Parallel Parenting Solution: Eliminate Confict With Your Ex, Create The Life You Want

by Carl Knickerbocker JD

"I could not stop reading and highlighting! Thank you! Finally someone that understands and gets that it is impossible to coparent with a high conflict person!" -L. Deshea

“The book has been a game-changer for us. We’ve been navigating through it and speaking with our 9 year old using the book’s advice and she has been in a much better mood, understands us much better, and now there is way less conflict coming back in our faces concerning the differences between our house and the high-conflict parent’s house.” Kim Dalton

“I bought the book and my soon to be ex saw it and went out and got it just to bother me. He did what everyone says they do when you figure them out and call them out, which is he immediately deflected and projected and flipped it around and said I was the narcissist and abusive one so he could play the victim. Maddening! But maybe he will see how disordered he is from reading the book…but I’m not holding my breath.” K. Yana

"This information was liberating to hear...this is exactly what I am and have been going through. I have purchased your book on Amazon and started reading it. I want to offer a sincere thank you...I am learning a lot about aligning myself with the parallel parenting ideal. Thank you for your posts and for your book. It has truly changed my life." -S. Delgado

"Thank you for writing this book. It is good to not only know that I am not alone in this, but to have a safe, healthy plan for my son and myself moving forward." - J. Dillard

For hundreds of more testimonies of the book’s ability to immediately transform your life, home, parenting and coparenting dynamics…visit unapologeticparenting on Instagram and see for yourself how many lives are being massively changed for the good.

The Parallel Parenting Solution was written for people who want to eliminate the unnecessary drama of Coparenting with a high-conflict ex—particularly in the wake of a hard-fought divorce battle. Coparenting does not have to take a toll on mental health, deplete your finances, compromise your values, or threaten your safety. For those experiencing the effects of Trendy-Trendy Coparenting as a living hell, your experience is valid. We’ve been there and lived it. But have no fear.

There is hope, and it’s called Parallel Parenting. It’s based on the premise that all parties can achieve the highest outcomes for themselves and their families when they are free to work in parallel, rather than being thrown into the chaotic emotional enmeshment soup that is Trendy-Trendy Coparenting. Understanding the exploitative and conflict-producing fantasy known as Trendy-Trendy Coparenting as sold to us by the divorce industry vultures is as important as understanding the down-to-earth tactics of how to deal with your high-conflict ex. This book will teach you both.

Families who want to heal after a divorce should not start with pie-in-the-sky expectations. They should start in reality.

The Parallel Parenting Solution comes straight out of lived experience, extensive research and coaching, and is written as a direct solutions manual for those of us who have to deal with Narcissistic and high-conflict exes. The book is intentionally direct and solutions-driven because those of us who have lived with such exes know that we’ve already wasted enough time and life and energy on them. It’s time for solutions. It’s time for immediate change.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction

173 pages, Paperback

Published June 26, 2021

Reviews

[Nicole Pitts · Rating 2 out of 5]

Helpful but super repetitive. Each chapter talked about the same thing just different wording.

[Queen Dani · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was looking for something I could recommend to clients who are experiencing abusive/high conflict behaviour from former partners, but I would not recommend this book, unfortunately.

A lot of things in here are 100% true and will be helpful for folks who need to hear them. For example, with high conflict people, anything can be fodder for attention/accusations/attacks, less is best when it comes to communication, try to get every single detail pertaining to parenting time in a court order from the beginning, stick to communications in writing only, and so on. Many useful suggestions like this for those who don’t know what is needed.

I also appreciated normalizing parallel parenting as a starting place and not as a failure. Until you’re in a situation with someone who is highly conflictual and abusive, it’s hard to understand how impossible it is to have even the simplest conversations with the other party.

However, the book was very repetitive, and this watered down the strength of what was offered. The reason I can’t recommend this book was because I found the overall tone derisive, and the characterization of some mental health issues too problematic.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! I used way too much hi-lighter in this book. The author described my high-conflict ex's behavior eerily perfectly. I am already doing some things mentioned to reduce conflict (communication through a parenting app) but have a clearer vision of what I can do to protect my mental health and build a calmer, happier, more structured home with my son moving forward. I highly recommend this book to anyone in a high-conflict divorce with kids - even to other family members to better understand the dynamics.

[Amanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely amazing. Everything in this book hits home. The struggle is real. And the tips are incredible. This is a must read for anyone feeling with a high conflict divorce that you just can’t take anymore. The strategies he outlines in this book are genius. It’s so simple. Not easy (at first), but simple. I just ordered his Family Court Solutions book. Can’t wait to dive in.

[Brittney Wadsworth · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quick read. Tangible content. The author’s tone is straightforward and, at times, intense. It speaks to my experience with divorce and the court system. Overall, four stars.

[Courtney Stout · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've found this book, this author's Instagram account, and podcast to be very helpful.

[Loren · Rating 4 out of 5]

Absolutely phenomenal read for single parents dealing with high conflict personalities in their co-parenting situations. The only reason I gave this book 4 stars was due to the fact that there were a few sections that were overly repetitive. Still...please read it all! You won't regret it.

Regardless of what your current standing is for your specific custody arrangement, this book is empathetic to those who feel like they're working against the current with the other parent. It provides ideas for how you can have more mental and emotional peace and have minimal conflict (at least on your part) while doing your best to love and raise your child. It does a wonderful job of instilling the fact that you can't change the other parent and how to come to peace with that and not let that fact affect the peace in your home.

You can still have peace of mind, even if the other party doesn't!

You can have peace only if you recognize that you can't control another person and how they act...you just need to learn how to stop "reacting" and, rather, how to accept that you can only control yourself and stop worrying about what "they" choose to do or say.

Although this book does not have a spiritual aspect, I would personally suggest that beyond learning that you can't control the other person (which helps immensely!), there will still be those times where the other parent does or says things that really hurt you or they might use the child as a manipulation tool - in those moments (when your own strength is not enough), I believe Jesus Christ offers peace when you pray to him about your situation. He knows your struggles, hurts, and hangups and he loves you and wants to ease your burden. Please lean on him when you can't find peace on your own. That is the only missing piece in this book. Relying on God's strength can help, as well.

[Lindsay · Rating 3 out of 5]

I appreciated the concepts outlined in the book. I would have liked some active examples of how to handle situations when the children come to you and tell you that it is your fault for xyz (IE: that they couldn't take a longer vacation, that they had to get up early for an exchange, that they didn't get to go somewhere) all of which they were told was because of you.
I also would have liked more guidance or suggestions on how to support children through mental, psychological, and emotional abuse as well as coercive control/manipulation from the parallel parent. Also, how to go to war for your kids if they tell you about a situation in which they faced physical abuse. How do you prove it outside of their words and without marks on their body?

[Stacey Harder · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a writer (thriller/ suspense) I love love love learning about ways of connecting, relationships, different personalities and just human behaviour in general.

I’d never considered how parallel parenting could benefit a child in their ability to exist in diverse environments. That idea is very interesting to me.

I recommend this book to parents, even if you don’t agree with all principles within the book. Broadening your awareness of new ways or alternative paths is always a great use of time!

I love this also because as I’m writing a new novel, I’m looking at co parenting as a theme in general. The concepts in this book are truly insightful and thoughtful.

[Kara · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book offers helpful ideas reinforcing autonomy as a parent and how to use that vision to train your children. My biggest takeaway: my children learn how to manage their high conflict parent by my example which helps them create the relationship they want with the parent and with other high conflict people they will encounter in life. Really puts the emphasis on self care and values.

The downside of this book is in the editing. It could have been half the size as idea are repeated frequently and sometimes sentence structure leaves the reader confused.

[Megan · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a quick read. I loved all of the suggestions for building separate households based on a values-driven life. I found it really inspiring and wish I had read it sooner before making my parenting plan with the ex so I could’ve implemented more of the ideas.

That said, there’s a lot of demonization of cluster B personality disorders in here, and I didn’t like that at all. It’s hard because so many of us have suffered at the hands of our exes who behaved in narcissistic and abusive ways, so I get it. I just have a lot of ~feelings~ about mental health stigma and armchair diagnosing people.

[Kisha · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book has some very solid advice. It seems a little cynical of the family law system. Maybe I had a very good experience with people not trying to bleed me dry for money or maybe I’m still very early into this process. I felt like it was super repetitive with the HCP acronym almost to the point of annoyance. All together a useful book.

[Danielle · Rating 2 out of 5]

Well this was anxiety inducing. There was certainly good advice to take from it. Very repetitive though. And seems like it is written be an angry ex. But I took what I could from it and feel like this style of parenting could really work in the right situations.

[Aimee · Rating 2 out of 5]

NOT evidence-based practices, incredibly repetitive, omg with the "trendy-trendy", and it wouldn't have been that hard to mix up the pronouns once and a while. BUT, some good ideas for communicating and creating boundaries with high-conflict parents.

[Francesca · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great content, easy to read (actually read in one sitting) perfect for my current situation.

[Megan Peters · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very informative. I was somewhat practicing these skills already and this just confirmed my understanding and my WHY of what I’m doing with my children. Our lives have been better since!

[Susmita · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good

[Heather Lynk · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book gave me a whole new perspective. I am more equipped to deal with my toxic controlling ex now.

[Fernanda Dennis · Rating 3 out of 5]

I follow this guy on Instagram. Solid advice. But like someone mentioned very receptive..it could have been condensed

[Jennifer · Rating 2 out of 5]

Some good ideas, but he comes across as just angry at his ex.

[Devin Hall · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! This author said everything I kind of already knew (because I lived it) and put it into smarter words. This book reaffirmed and guided me in my divorced life.

[Haley Hall · Rating 5 out of 5]

Super helpful is navigating how to end a toxic cycle and stay kid focused.

[Loraine · Rating 1 out of 5]

Awful …

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve read a lot of coparenting books over the years, but this one has been the most helpful! I loved all the tips that lead to the overall goal of peace.

[Keith Hewitt · Rating 3 out of 5]

Maybe 3.5 stars. Some good ideas but the author is very disparaging of therapy.

[Bill Taggart · Rating 4 out of 5]

I would agree with other reviewers, I highlighted a lot and this describes my situation pretty well. There was a lot of repetition though.

[Carol · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a book written by a lawyer who has been through the journey of being married and having children with disordered individual. There are a few places where his own anger and unresolved pain oozes through, but overall I think this can be a helpful guide for someone who really needs to detach from the toxic cycle. This therapeutic work should be done with the help of a therapist as this is deep work to take back ones autonomy following one of these marriages. But this book can contribute to that process.

[Dale V · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rec: PH, hasn’t read yet but many recs