The Parallel Parenting Solution: Eliminate Confict With Your Ex, Create The Life You Want

by Carl Knickerbocker JD

"I could not stop reading and highlighting! Thank you! Finally someone that understands and gets that it is impossible to coparent with a high conflict person!" -L. Deshea

“The book has been a game-changer for us. We’ve been navigating through it and speaking with our 9 year old using the book’s advice and she has been in a much better mood, understands us much better, and now there is way less conflict coming back in our faces concerning the differences between our house and the high-conflict parent’s house.” Kim Dalton

“I bought the book and my soon to be ex saw it and went out and got it just to bother me. He did what everyone says they do when you figure them out and call them out, which is he immediately deflected and projected and flipped it around and said I was the narcissist and abusive one so he could play the victim. Maddening! But maybe he will see how disordered he is from reading the book…but I’m not holding my breath.” K. Yana

"This information was liberating to hear...this is exactly what I am and have been going through. I have purchased your book on Amazon and started reading it. I want to offer a sincere thank you...I am learning a lot about aligning myself with the parallel parenting ideal. Thank you for your posts and for your book. It has truly changed my life." -S. Delgado

"Thank you for writing this book. It is good to not only know that I am not alone in this, but to have a safe, healthy plan for my son and myself moving forward." - J. Dillard

For hundreds of more testimonies of the book’s ability to immediately transform your life, home, parenting and coparenting dynamics…visit unapologeticparenting on Instagram and see for yourself how many lives are being massively changed for the good.

The Parallel Parenting Solution was written for people who want to eliminate the unnecessary drama of Coparenting with a high-conflict ex—particularly in the wake of a hard-fought divorce battle. Coparenting does not have to take a toll on mental health, deplete your finances, compromise your values, or threaten your safety. For those experiencing the effects of Trendy-Trendy Coparenting as a living hell, your experience is valid. We’ve been there and lived it. But have no fear.

There is hope, and it’s called Parallel Parenting. It’s based on the premise that all parties can achieve the highest outcomes for themselves and their families when they are free to work in parallel, rather than being thrown into the chaotic emotional enmeshment soup that is Trendy-Trendy Coparenting. Understanding the exploitative and conflict-producing fantasy known as Trendy-Trendy Coparenting as sold to us by the divorce industry vultures is as important as understanding the down-to-earth tactics of how to deal with your high-conflict ex. This book will teach you both.

Families who want to heal after a divorce should not start with pie-in-the-sky expectations. They should start in reality.

The Parallel Parenting Solution comes straight out of lived experience, extensive research and coaching, and is written as a direct solutions manual for those of us who have to deal with Narcissistic and high-conflict exes. The book is intentionally direct and solutions-driven because those of us who have lived with such exes know that we’ve already wasted enough time and life and energy on them. It’s time for solutions. It’s time for immediate change.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction

173 pages, Paperback

Published June 26, 2021

Reviews

[Nicole Pitts · Rating 2 out of 5]

Helpful but super repetitive. Each chapter talked about the same thing just different wording.

[Queen Dani · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was looking for something I could recommend to clients who are experiencing abusive/high conflict behaviour from former partners, but I would not recommend this book, unfortunately.

A lot of things in here are 100% true and will be helpful for folks who need to hear them. For example, with high conflict people, anything can be fodder for attention/accusations/attacks, less is best when it comes to communication, try to get every single detail pertaining to parenting time in a court order from the beginning, stick to communications in writing only, and so on. Many useful suggestions like this for those who don’t know what is needed.

I also appreciated normalizing parallel parenting as a starting place and not as a failure. Until you’re in a situation with someone who is highly conflictual and abusive, it’s hard to understand how impossible it is to have even the simplest conversations with the other party.

However, the book was very repetitive, and this watered down the strength of what was offered. The reason I can’t recommend this book was because I found the overall tone derisive, and the characterization of some mental health issues too problematic.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! I used way too much hi-lighter in this book. The author described my high-conflict ex's behavior eerily perfectly. I am already doing some things mentioned to reduce conflict (communication through a parenting app) but have a clearer vision of what I can do to protect my mental health and build a calmer, happier, more structured home with my son moving forward. I highly recommend this book to anyone in a high-conflict divorce with kids - even to other family members to better understand the dynamics.

[Amanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely amazing. Everything in this book hits home. The struggle is real. And the tips are incredible. This is a must read for anyone feeling with a high conflict divorce that you just can’t take anymore. The strategies he outlines in this book are genius. It’s so simple. Not easy (at first), but simple. I just ordered his Family Court Solutions book. Can’t wait to dive in.

[Brittney Wadsworth · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quick read. Tangible content. The author’s tone is straightforward and, at times, intense. It speaks to my experience with divorce and the court system. Overall, four stars.

[Courtney Stout · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've found this book, this author's Instagram account, and podcast to be very helpful.

[Loren · Rating 4 out of 5]

Absolutely phenomenal read for single parents dealing with high conflict personalities in their co-parenting situations. The only reason I gave this book 4 stars was due to the fact that there were a few sections that were overly repetitive. Still...please read it all! You won't regret it.

Regardless of what your current standing is for your specific custody arrangement, this book is empathetic to those who feel like they're working against the current with the other parent. It provides ideas for how you can have more mental and emotional peace and have minimal conflict (at least on your part) while doing your best to love and raise your child. It does a wonderful job of instilling the fact that you can't change the other parent and how to come to peace with that and not let that fact affect the peace in your home.

You can still have peace of mind, even if the other party doesn't!

You can have peace only if you recognize that you can't control another person and how they act...you just need to learn how to stop "reacting" and, rather, how to accept that you can only control yourself and stop worrying about what "they" choose to do or say.

Although this book does not have a spiritual aspect, I would personally suggest that beyond learning that you can't control the other person (which helps immensely!), there will still be those times where the other parent does or says things that really hurt you or they might use the child as a manipulation tool - in those moments (when your own strength is not enough), I believe Jesus Christ offers peace when you pray to him about your situation. He knows your struggles, hurts, and hangups and he loves you and wants to ease your burden. Please lean on him when you can't find peace on your own. That is the only missing piece in this book. Relying on God's strength can help, as well.

[Rakesh Sharma · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Parallel Parenting Solution by Carl Knickerbocker JD provides a practical way for parents in a high-conflict co-parenting situation to manage their relationship with their ex-partner while putting the health and well-being of their children first without having direct contact with their ex. The author’s legal background gives additional weight to the information provided in the book, particularly relating to the court process and written documentation. What is most important about this book is the clear and concise explanations of how to set boundaries and maintain emotional control. The author uses language that allows readers to feel supported without feeling overwhelmed with technical jargon, making it easier for stressed-out parents to follow through. This book is an excellent resource for any parent who is trying to break free from a toxic relationship and create a peaceful parenting environment, especially given many parents are stressed while trying to raise children. Additionally, it provides both emotional support and practical strategies for parents to create a nurturing parental environment, regardless of their individual circumstances.

[Nishant Kumar · Rating 5 out of 5]

Parallel Parenting Solution is one of the empathetic and well-informed books written for parents living through high-conflict situations in their families. Author Carl Knickerbocker JD has successfully combined his legal expertise and experience in parenting into a highly useful piece of writing. The main idea conveyed in the book is explained in simple language: how one can move from a co-parenting to parallel parenting relationship and why it is essential. Attention is paid to setting limits, documenting, and making decisions regarding children. There are plenty of useful recommendations for readers seeking an effective and reliable solution. Though the theme itself may seem rather difficult, the author's tone and style is always moderate and helpful.

This book is ideal for those who want to regain control of their lives while ensuring their children grow up in a stable environment.

[Mario · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Parallel Parenting Solution feels less like a traditional self-help book and more like guidance from someone who truly understands the struggles of dealing with a high-conflict ex. What makes it powerful is its honesty. Instead of selling the idealized idea that everyone can peacefully coparent, the book acknowledges that for many families, that simply isn’t reality. The concept of parallel parenting offers a practical and healthier alternative, allowing each parent to focus on their own path without constant conflict. The advice is straightforward and grounded in real experiences, which makes it easy to trust. Anyone coming out of a difficult divorce and feeling emotionally drained will likely find this book reassuring. It offers not just strategies, but also the comforting reminder that you’re not alone in facing these challenges

[Lindsay · Rating 3 out of 5]

I appreciated the concepts outlined in the book. I would have liked some active examples of how to handle situations when the children come to you and tell you that it is your fault for xyz (IE: that they couldn't take a longer vacation, that they had to get up early for an exchange, that they didn't get to go somewhere) all of which they were told was because of you.
I also would have liked more guidance or suggestions on how to support children through mental, psychological, and emotional abuse as well as coercive control/manipulation from the parallel parent. Also, how to go to war for your kids if they tell you about a situation in which they faced physical abuse. How do you prove it outside of their words and without marks on their body?

[Barla · Rating 5 out of 5]

Man, if you're knee-deep in the nightmare of co-parenting with a narcissistic ex who turns every pickup into World War III, grab this book yesterday. I was there ,divorce finalized six months ago, and I was already popping anxiety meds just to survive the texts. The Parallel Parenting Solution hit me like a lifeline. No fluffy BS, just straight talk from folks who've walked the walk. It breaks down why co-parenting is a scam peddled by lawyers who profit from your misery, and then hands you real tools: parallel parenting scripts, boundary-setting hacks, and ways to protect your sanity without court drama. My blood pressure's down, my kid's happier, and I'm not checking my phone every five minutes anymore. If you're done wasting your life on their chaos, this is your map out.

[Anand Kumar · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Parallel Parenting Solution by Carl Knickerbocker JD provides a clear guidance to those parents who are suffering from ongoing disagreements after their breakups. The idea of parallel parenting has been clarified well, allowing readers to get an understanding of how to avoid meaningless arguments. In order to achieve harmony, structure, boundaries and consistency become the keys to success. Real-life cases help make suggestions more practical. Instead of presenting an ideal scenario, the author gives his readers the realistic chance of dealing with stressful situations. This book is a valuable resource for anyone seeking to protect their peace and focus on raising their children effectively.

[Sandeep Kumar · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Parallel Parenting Solution by Carl Knickerbocker JD offers a timely guide for parents who are locked in a struggle with their former partner. The information in this book is highly applicable since it explains how to tackle complicated emotional and legal problems by taking small but important steps. What I really liked is that this book highlights the importance of minimizing contact and setting up boundaries. It emphasizes consistency and record keeping, which may come in handy when resolving legal issues. Moreover, the writing style is clear and positive, thus putting the reader at ease. Overall, this book is very helpful for people who find themselves in a complicated situation where there is no room for compromise.

[Stacey Harder · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a writer (thriller/ suspense) I love love love learning about ways of connecting, relationships, different personalities and just human behaviour in general.

I’d never considered how parallel parenting could benefit a child in their ability to exist in diverse environments. That idea is very interesting to me.

I recommend this book to parents, even if you don’t agree with all principles within the book. Broadening your awareness of new ways or alternative paths is always a great use of time!

I love this also because as I’m writing a new novel, I’m looking at co parenting as a theme in general. The concepts in this book are truly insightful and thoughtful.

[Angelina · Rating 5 out of 5]

After three years of battling my high-conflict ex in and out of court, I was skeptical of any "parenting" book. But isn't some feel-good fairy tale it's a battle plan from survivors. The authors call out the divorce industry's vulture tactics (spot on) and flip the script to parallel parenting, where you run your show and they run theirs, minimal overlap. Loved the practical stuff: email templates that shut down manipulation, schedules that minimize contact, and mindset shifts to stop the emotional drain. Finances stabilized, my mental health's back, and my daughter's thriving without the toxicity. Short, punchy, and zero wasted words. Wish I'd found it sooner saves lives, seriously.

[Sanjeev · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Parallel Parenting Solution by Carl Knickerbocker JD can be regarded as a wonderful source for all people dealing with problems connected with parenting in conditions of highly emotional conflicts. This publication offers an insight into the concept of parallel parenting as a good option to try out besides classical co-parenting. The book is focused on minimizing conflicts between parents as well as ensuring mental health. Practical solutions related to communicating, organizing schedule, and avoiding misunderstandings are also offered. Useful information related to legal aspects of the issue in question is provided. This book can be recommended because of its real-to-life character.

[Kara · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book offers helpful ideas reinforcing autonomy as a parent and how to use that vision to train your children. My biggest takeaway: my children learn how to manage their high conflict parent by my example which helps them create the relationship they want with the parent and with other high conflict people they will encounter in life. Really puts the emphasis on self care and values.

The downside of this book is in the editing. It could have been half the size as idea are repeated frequently and sometimes sentence structure leaves the reader confused.

[Amist · Rating 5 out of 5]

Co-parenting with my ex was eroding everything my job, my sleep, my sense of self. This book validates that hell without pity parties, then pivots to hope through parallel parenting. It's grounded in real research and stories, exposing how co-parenting myths trap you in endless conflict. The solutions? Gold. Step-by-step on low-contact logistics, protecting your values, and reclaiming peace. Six months in, I'm lighter, my therapy bills are down, and family life's actual joy again. Gentle yet firm perfect for when you're ready for change but tired of the hype.

[Florida · Rating 5 out of 5]

It showed up like an answered prayer. Written by folks who've stared down high-conflict exes, it dismantles the co-parenting fantasy (those industry sharks don't care about your pain) and builds parallel parenting as the real path to healing. The tactics neutral handoffs, documented everything, self-care rituals weren't just theory; they worked fast. No more panic attacks, our home's peaceful, and she's smiling more. It's compassionate without coddling, urgent without panic. If you're suffering, this book's your turning point. Grateful beyond words.

[Nysha Raj · Rating 5 out of 5]

What I felt while reading The Parallel Parenting Solution is that it keeps bringing you back to basics. Not everything needs a response, not everything needs to be explained. Just handle what is necessary and move on.

There is a lot about sticking to a plan, not over communicating, and keeping things brief and neutral. Like, don’t react to every message, don’t try to correct everything. Carl Knickerbocker keeps it very simple and practical. It actually feels like something you can follow in real life without overthinking too much.

[Archie Ray · Rating 5 out of 5]

Among self help books that promise healing, closure, and everything, what I liked about The Parallel Parenting Solution is that it doesn’t push you to fix a relationship. It suggests you to step out of it, especially in a co-parenting situation.

Clear boundaries, less unnecessary interaction, and a more structured way of handling things. I liked all these things. Carl has presented it in a very practical way, so it actually feels possible to apply in real life. I would definitely recommend it to anyone who wants to build a calmer space around them.

[Megan · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a quick read. I loved all of the suggestions for building separate households based on a values-driven life. I found it really inspiring and wish I had read it sooner before making my parenting plan with the ex so I could’ve implemented more of the ideas.

That said, there’s a lot of demonization of cluster B personality disorders in here, and I didn’t like that at all. It’s hard because so many of us have suffered at the hands of our exes who behaved in narcissistic and abusive ways, so I get it. I just have a lot of ~feelings~ about mental health stigma and armchair diagnosing people.

[Madhumita · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book explains that “perfect” co-parenting after divorce is often unrealistic, especially with a high-conflict ex. Instead of forcing constant communication, it suggests parallel parenting where each parent raises the child separately, with clear boundaries and minimal contact.

For example, if parents fight over every small decision, parallel parenting allows them to follow a fixed schedule and handle things in their own homes without arguing.

[Tanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

No pie-in-the-sky dreams just reality checks on why co-parenting sucks with narcissists (divorce industry loves that enmeshment), plus parallel parenting blueprints. Think: strict communication rules via apps only, kid-focused exchanges, and zero JADE (justify, argue, defend, explain). My wallet's fuller (fewer lawyer fees), stress levels crashed, and I'm present for my boys again. Direct, no fluff, from people who've bled through it.

[Ayush · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Wish I read this years ago amid endless custody wars. Techniques like minimal contact worked when ex flipped moods around kids. Added to our plan: Friday exchanges only. Family calmer, I'm rebuilding my life stress-free."Ex raged when I skipped his family events. Book's parallel rules—no negativity, no messengers—saved us. My daughter begged me to stop talking to him; now she smiles at handoffs. Quick read with life-changing boundarie

[Ayesha · Rating 5 out of 5]

Finally, a book that gets it—exes don't always cooperate. Knickerbocker teaches independence in parenting with smart strategies. It reduced my stress big time. Perfect for anyone in family court battles.Super helpful for divorced parents! Simple words on minimizing contact and building better lives. Techniques are real-world ready. I highlighted tons. Best book on handling toxic exes without losing your cool.

[Aditi Singh · Rating 5 out of 5]

The book has a hidden sense of hope although it is addressing serious subjects. It reminds the readers that they are able to take control of their lives and establish more healthy boundaries. The plans are realistic and encouraging, particularly when one is out of the painful divorces.

It is a strong message to remember that peace can be achieved even in the most difficult cases of raising a child.

[Pranav Agrawal · Rating 5 out of 5]

It is an uncomplicated book that any person handling a high conflict ex should read. It disillusioned the unrealistic expectation of coparenting and substitutes it with straightforward and practical solutions.

The idea of parallel parenting is described in a down to earth, relatable manner. It comes in particularly handy when one is emotionally exhausted or always at loggerheads. An extremely practical tool, which aims at safeguarding your peace and restoring stability following a divorce.

[Aarush Tanwar · Rating 5 out of 5]

The most impressive thing is the way it makes one validate this book. It admits the emotional cost of toxic coparenting and lets readers know that they are not alone in their plight. It is a sympathetic but direct tone providing hope without coating the reality.

Parallel parenting is introduced as a life saving factor and not merely a theory. It is a calming book to read especially when one feels overwhelmed and unheard in his or her current state.