The Kissing Rabbi: Lust, Betrayal, and a Community Turned Inside Out

by Andy Becker

Power, lust, sex, and greed … even the best can take a fall from grace … so it happened to Rabbi Dreidel.

He is a promising young Rabbi on the rise in a quiet suburb – building a robust congregation. And yes, he is charming, charismatic, and really knows how to schmooze with both men and women.

But underneath a well-rehearsed veneer of righteousness is a dark side—an unrestrained desire to explore his sexuality with multiple women leading to much indiscretion.

Even in times of #MeToo, in a patriarchal Orthodox community, it’s unusual for women to speak out, yet a few brave whistleblowers begin to share their stories. As they do so Rabbi Dreidel scrambles to lawyer up, while rallying his supporters in the community. He is prepared to fight and will go to any length to retain his position and prevent his world from crumbling. Members of a shocked congregation choose sides, leading to a community on the brink of being ripped apart.

Will the rabbi win out? Will the women’s stories be heard and believed? And will the community survive? Find out in The Kissing Rabbi.

A satirical novel by Andy Becker—inspired by a true story.

268 pages, Kindle Edition

First published July 18, 2021

About the author

Andy Becker is a writer, gardener, and lifetime learner living in Gig Harbor, Washington.

His debut novel, The Kissing Rabbi: Lust, Betrayal, and a Community Turned Inside Out launched in August of 2021 to critical acclaim.

His prior books include The Spiritual Gardener: Insights from the Jewish Tradition to Help Your Garden Grow, the winner of the 2021 New York City Big Book Award in the category of Home and Garden.

His memoir, Cracking an Egg, is a humorous look at childhood, growing up in the 50s and 60s in the Bay Area.
Andy's author website can be found at http://www.andybecker.life/.

Reviews

[Suanne Laqueur · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’m a little confused as how to rate this book because it has a bit of an identity crisis. I was drawn in by the fabulous cover, which has the words “a novel,” but this is less a novel than narrative nonfiction. It actually reads like an exposé in the Atlantic or something, which is all well and good, but if this is supposed to be a fictional novel based on a true story, there is way too much telling within the omniscient third person narrative.

Had this been classified as non-fiction, I’d give it between three and four stars. But as a novel, it’s between two and three. It was a decent read once I stopped thinking of it as fiction.

[Eric]

I had been given a pre-publication ebook and when urged by the author to read it, did so.

I am not rating this book. It is immensely readable. I understand satire, and found some of the satirical aspects, like the names used throughout for characters and the “organization” of the protagonist detracted rather than promoted the satire for me.

The primary reason I am not rating the book has to do with it ps characterization of liberal Jews with unnecessary and untrue stereotypes which further serve to promote internecine division between parts of the Jewish community. Allow me to cite one such example:

“A Reformed rabbi may engage in sympathy hugs, friend hugs, how-good-it-is-to-see-you hugs, a pat on the back hug, the one-armed hug, the keep some distance and reach over hug, a long hug, a strong hug, and you-name-it hugs—all kosher hugs! Kosher hugs for the Reformed rabbi evoke friendliness, love, inclusiveness, and kindness. When it comes to hugs for the Reformed rabbi, an appropriate hug shows warmth and spirituality. In the midst of the hug with a Reformed rabbi, neither the clerical hugger nor the lay “huggee” is thinking about sexy parts of the body. The ultra-orthodox rabbi, in sharp contrast, is strictly limited in whom he can touch of the opposite sex. He can touch his spouse, parents, sisters, daughters, and granddaughters, but he is strictly prohibited from touching any other woman who is past the age of menstruation (God forbid)! Now, if it’s okay for the Reformed rabbi to hug and touch and shake hands with everybody, what gets the orthodox rabbi in such piping hot water for the same behavior?”

In other passages the author depicts “Reformed” communities as money-grabbing and tax-return demanding entities. I have heard occasional instances of congregations asking for financial records, but in my personal experience, all congregations I have served and/or known have been welcoming, understanding and supportive of those who request assistance and membership.

This was not satire. This was character assassination of a segment of our already divided Jewish community, and leaves me unhappy with yet another log on the fire of division and name calling.

Again, the book is readable and tells a troubling and important story. But I cannot overlook the author’s bias and fueling negative images of a part of our Jewish community.

[Book lover · Rating 4 out of 5]

I give it 3 and half stars. I enjoyed the book and learned a bit about the laws and ways of life for an orthodox people.
I also liked the authors style of writing.

[abe j. goldsmith · Rating 1 out of 5]

awful

Terrible. Didn’t finish. Waste of time and money. Demeaning to Judaism and rabbinate. Author needs to find a good job

[Ellen Twigg-Patrick]

Terrible story, except maybe to an Orthodox Jew

Would not recommend, thought I would learn something interesting about a different culture but just reinforced beliefs that radical religion is riddled with hypocrisy.

[Leib Mitchell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Book Review
The Kissing Rabbi
5/5 stars
"An old story: a cleric gets in trouble because of his slappybag."
*******

251 pages of prose over 30 chapters. Approximately 8.3 pages per chapter.

It does contain a glossary, but for people that are likely to purchase this book they would know all of these terms.

It's easy enough to read over the course of Shabbat; about 5 hours worth of reading time.

Despite its protestations to the commentary, this book is based on actual events.

It is the story of R'Zalman Heber.

From what I've been able to figure out:

Mishegas Dreidel= R'Zalman Heber
TUCAS= Chabad
Lacey Johnson= Tracy Moran
Marshall Goldman= Mark Friedman
Gerald Johnson= Jared Moran
Sarah Shofar=Kim Shomer
Elmer Smith= Spencer Freeman
The Grand Rabbi= Lubavitcher Rebbe

And that's about all the names that I'm willing to research, because this is just one book review--and life is too short.

The elements of the story are so realistic, that it could only have been true; a fictionalized book is technique that a lot of Orthodox insiders use because these stories happen SO OFTEN, that they can fill up an entire book.

1. Hush, Eishes Chayil
2. Sotah, Naomi Ragen
3. Shidduch, Penina Shtauber
4. Shalom Bayit, Penina Shtauber

A lot of these things ring with a lot of my experience.

1. If you have Person X wrong Person Y, then who is right ONLY depends on the status of the relative parties. In the case of this book, two of the people that were telling the truth were actually converts (geirim) but the first thing that people kept doing was questioning their status. BEEN THERE, DONE THAT.

The Rabbinate will ALWAYS side with the stronger party against the weak.

2. A lot of fighting goes on over control of these Chabad Houses. Even though there seems to be at least one of them in every single town in the world, people don't seem to want to deal with administrative things unless/until there is a lawsuit to clarify the legal/financial/ administrative details of the House.

3. These sexual imbroglios happen in real life, and these rabbis that get themselves in trouble are some of the DUMBEST people that I've ever heard of.

If a person (rabbi) wants to have recreational sex, there are definitely ways that that can be done without sacrificing your entire career/reputation.

Maybe, the world's oldest profession?

Maybe, people who are outside of the community that you live in?

Maybe, people inside the community that you live in that are of legal age?

Maybe, sugar daddying? (Sugar babies are available in either sex. Lots of young, dumb guys and gals that make their moist bits available to much older men in exchange for enough income to not have to work a regular job.)

Maybe, a titty bar? All of these guys who wanted to "look at it," cannot be forgiven for not knowing that those are everywhere.

Examples:

-Leib Tropper got recorded trying to proposition a conversion candidate for a threesome.

-Yonasan Abraham got caught giving too much pastoral care to a wife that was wealthy enough to have 24 hours security on her (by her husband).

-Barry Freundel asked so many people to take practice dips in the mikvah, that enough people figured out he had a spy cam there.

-Yosef Kolko ended up in a relationship with an 11-year-old boy, and thought that it could be a secret.

-Chaim Walder/ Yehuda Meshi-Zahav punctured the tender bits of so many boys/girls, that just by sheer volume of incidents, their crimes got out.

It is a mystery to me how somebody can make it through all six orders of Shas, and have so little practical intelligence that they do things like this that get them caught.
*******

This book had a lot of good quotes. I believe that the author must have spoken Yiddish as a first language, because his delivery sounds like any number of Yiddish proverbs. (I have a whole collection of these that I try to keep in mind.)

(p.69) You can't make a stew out of faith.

(p. 43) In the grand tradition of the great Talmudic Rabbis, who knew how to split hairs better than corporate tax attorneys, today's Orthodox rabbis draw distinctions between Jews with "proclivities" and Jews who commit certain acts.

(p.142) Rabbi Dreidel baked promises of confidentiality like they were bagels, and no one bakes one bagel at a time.

(p. 142) A half truth is a whole lie.

Then, there is the word play and insider jokes.

-If a man is named Yitzhak Yosef, What else could he be accept Chabad?

-Mishegas Dreidel. Crazy Spinning Top?

Verdict:

Recommended at the price of $5. That may be a while, because the price on this book is still quite high a few years after it is published.

[ManOfLaBook.com · Rating 4 out of 5]

For more reviews and bookish posts please visit: https://www.ManOfLaBook.com

The Kissing Rabbi: Lust, Betrayal, and a Community Turned Inside Out by Andy Becker tells of a charismatic Orthodox rabbi in Oregon, who’s schmoozing quickly becomes something more.

Rabbi Mishegas Driedel established a Jewish community in Oregon where one did not exit. Using his charm, enthusiasm, and wits the rabbinical knowledge.

After lots of hard work, the rabbi’s fledgling community becomes a robust Jewish center. However, the rabbi, under the guise of his own incompetency, is starting to sexual harass some of the women of his temple.

Reading The Kissing Rabbi: Lust, Betrayal, and a Community Turned Inside Out by Andy Becker I thought it is obviously a true story. This book, however, is a novel which is, sadly, based on true events in the Pacific Northwest.

The author tells the story with biting humor, since all great Jewish stories are. Above all, sometimes the questions are more important than the answers; much like it is in the Jewish religion.

Additionally, in Dreidel’s case, the inner monologue of trying to justify his unethical behavior is fascinating. Unfortunately, I suspect that this inner dialogue is not far off from the truth for those in authority or who consider themselves morally superior.

I enjoyed the narrative as well as the Yiddish words sprinkled throughout the book. The story is simple and clear, even if you are not familiar with the intricacies of the Jewish religion.

This book is timed just right, with Andrew Cuomo’s shenanigans getting the spotlight. The book illustrates how men in a position of power, can groom indiscretions and make women feel helpless.

Worse than Cuomo, the rabbi doesn’t only have a leadership role, but also moral authority. Particularly, a man in that position can also twist their religion to justify such actions.
Tor those of us who read the texts, however, many times not much of a “twist” is needed.

The author doesn’t just follow the rabbi and his victims, but the community as well. Who will abandon the rabbi, and who will fight for him? How is the organization structured financially? What will the board do? What strings can the rabbi pull?
And other questions which make this story about a sexual predator deeper and more involved.

There are no graphic sex scenes in the story. While the rabbi is grooming victims and goes beyond proprietary, the sex act itself is not involved. This point was important to mention in a book about such subject. Mr. Becker, however, does manage to get his point across.

[Alan Cohen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Primarily, The Kissing Rabbi is a story about an immature man who also happens to be a Rabbi. The narrative describes a cautionary tale of a person in a relatively powerful position of trust, who has a great deal of unfinished sexual maturation. Whether a teacher, coach, troop leader, doctor, lawyer or cleric, the ethical requirements of keeping professional boundaries should be an integral part of training.

I understand that Mr. Becker's novel was inspired by a real-life situation. The story is fiction and not a "true crime" expose; the story does not purport to be based on actual events and then fictionalized for dramatic impact.

More importantly, this novel is not intended to be titillating, sensational, thriller or mystery. The story is what might be called a "dramedy."

The voice of the narrative is a humorous take on a small slice of suburban American Jewish culture, and the "mishegas" (Yiddish for crazy or foolish behavior) of the central character. The book makes no judgments on Jewish Theology, but it does examine the Rabbi's situational, cringe-worthy comedic foibles ala "Curb Your Enthusiasm."

This is a seriously human tale with the sensibilities of a modern day Sholem Aleichem.

There was an old TV ad that went, "You don't have to be Jewish to love Levy's Real Jewish Rye Bread." That slogan applies here. Try it, you'll like it.

[Desiree · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book - the situation escalates quickly and shows what kind of disaster a little narcissism and power can make. I appreciated the explanations throughout the book when coming across unfamiliar words. Even though I know very little about the Jewish community, it was a story that anyone can relate to. It's always difficult to read a book in which you don't connect to the main character however the story line was easy to connect to. Several times I thought 'ughh why doesn't he stop?' And yet it shows how our own distorted thinking can keep us from seeing the real issues. It is a little gossipy and a lot of 'he said - she said'. Drama galore is happening within the community.

Thank you to the author for allowing me to read this as an ARC in exchange for a review.

[Megan Williams · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ahhh, the price of fame and admiration. Rabbi Mishy, what to do with you?! This book was so good - parts had me laughing out loud, and more parts had me shaking my head in frustration. Like a few religious leaders, Rabbi Mishy found himself wrapped up in the rise to fame in the Jewish community of Destiny County, and he quickly spoiled his own reputation with one allegation after another. Really enjoyed this book. The author has a hilarious delivery - it really reads like a handed-down oral family story. Definitely recommend!

[kerry stevens · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rabbis, Cuomo, and Me Too

This book examines one o today's most challenging issues. Told in the charming voice of a Jewish story teller, the book reveals the perspective of the victim s and the perpetrator in a realistic tale, as well as the impact on the community. Andy Becker knows how to communicate with an audience and get into their hearts and minds. Share this book with your friends!

[nia · Rating 4 out of 5]

i am confused if this is meant to be a work of fiction based on real life events or a real life event fictionalised in the interest of avoiding a civil case. it was insightful into orthodox judaism and i found it interesting to learn about so many different laws but the identity crisis has confused me while also giving me food for thought. its very confusing but worth a read if you can be fine with its' identity crisis from the get go

[Destiny · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved It

... kept me laughing and wondering what was coming next. Definitely a page turner! I could not put it down.

[Rob · Rating 2 out of 5]

It started off great, but the rest of the book felt very flat.

[Amy · Rating 2 out of 5]

i liked this book, but it was a little boring and repetitive.