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You've Got This: Seven Steps to a Life You Love
Learn how to reframe your thoughts and live your best life with this accessible guide from clinical psychologist Dr Michaela Dunbar, founder of @myeasytherapy
Are fear and anxious thoughts holding you back from living the bold and exciting life you want?
Everyone experiences self-doubt, feelings of inadequacy, fear of failure and burnout. But not all of us know how to deal with it.
In her years spent helping ambitious women overcome self-doubt, Dr Michaela Dunbar has identified seven key ways high-functioning anxiety can manifest in our lives, from people-pleasing to imposter syndrome.
In this hopeful, accessible, and genuinely useful book, Dr Michaela offers practical solutions and strategies to help you with . . .
Coping with anxiety and overthinking
Dealing with imposter syndrome
Setting and maintaining boundaries
Breaking down the fear of failure
Filled with invaluable tools, reflection exercises and case studies, You've Got This shows us how to transform our anxious thoughts and emotions into positive actions.
Above all, it will teach you how to overcome self-doubt and free yourself from the traps of overthinking to confidently step into a life you love.
Are fear and anxious thoughts holding you back from living the bold and exciting life you want?
Everyone experiences self-doubt, feelings of inadequacy, fear of failure and burnout. But not all of us know how to deal with it.
In her years spent helping ambitious women overcome self-doubt, Dr Michaela Dunbar has identified seven key ways high-functioning anxiety can manifest in our lives, from people-pleasing to imposter syndrome.
In this hopeful, accessible, and genuinely useful book, Dr Michaela offers practical solutions and strategies to help you with . . .
Coping with anxiety and overthinking
Dealing with imposter syndrome
Setting and maintaining boundaries
Breaking down the fear of failure
Filled with invaluable tools, reflection exercises and case studies, You've Got This shows us how to transform our anxious thoughts and emotions into positive actions.
Above all, it will teach you how to overcome self-doubt and free yourself from the traps of overthinking to confidently step into a life you love.
224 pages, Hardcover
First published April 28, 2022
35 people are currently reading
308 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews
February 23, 2023
I’ve read a lot of self help books, so it’s hard for them to not all seem a bit ‘same-y’, but this one managed to give me the eureka moment I was looking for when I picked it up - I’m a highly sensitive person!!! And proud :) because of this book.
Dr Michaela has a really good way of putting complicated ideas in plain English. Some bits were a bit repetitive, hence not 5*, but overall really good and I got through this super quickly!
Also you could tell this was written by a woman - which I liked! A lot of the big famous books in this category are written by men, for men, and seem so disconnected from the female experience, so I really enjoyed this take on self care and will definitely be implementing some of the practical ideas in there (daily alarm to remind myself of my values and goals is already set!)
Dr Michaela has a really good way of putting complicated ideas in plain English. Some bits were a bit repetitive, hence not 5*, but overall really good and I got through this super quickly!
Also you could tell this was written by a woman - which I liked! A lot of the big famous books in this category are written by men, for men, and seem so disconnected from the female experience, so I really enjoyed this take on self care and will definitely be implementing some of the practical ideas in there (daily alarm to remind myself of my values and goals is already set!)
June 20, 2023
“We heavily underestimate our ability to handle difficult situations even though we do it time and time again.”
I was looking for a book at the library that would give me new motivation to do some CBT exercises as I’ve been feeling mighty anxious lately. The back of this one - “boost confidence, tackle people-pleasing and imposter syndrome, feel calmer” sounded like a good time.. and it really was. Seemed a bit informal to start with, so I wasn’t sure it was for me and almost put it down but SO GLAD I didn’t. I feel seen, supported and inspired. It’s one of those books I ended up mentioning to so many people in my real life, it sparked quite a few conversations. It was so relevant to me and I really enjoyed the process of reading it, even when it was calling me out or bringing up challenging behaviours or patterns. I wrote in my journal: “currently reading You’ve Got This and maybe I do?!?” (and hey this book says journaling and mindfulness are two of the most helpful forms of self-practice for anxiety so yay)
This could be quite a long review as I took many notes. Just know that if you think you’re an overthinker, a people-pleaser, a highly sensitive person, have a fear of failure and/or deal with imposter syndrome and want to stop holding yourself back, live a life with less fear and more confidence you should give this book a try. It’s not a prescriptive, professional guide, the author says she’s “not a fan of jargon and her sessions are a mix of fun and serious” but if you don’t mind some millennial slang and chatty narration go for it. Dr Michaela Dunbar knows what she’s talking about.
Trying not to think about something has been proven to bring your focus to the thought more, so if you’re ruminating or overthinking “the most positive move you can make in this situation is to combine acceptance and action.” You can’t control all your thoughts, so make peace with them and move on. This book discusses mental filtering, how one of our survival mechanisms is to pay more attention to negativity, it’s human nature.
You’ve Got This uses a lot of CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) concepts and combines them with ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) tools. A good, positive, productive mix I think! Being able to notice your unhelpful patterns and habits is half the battle. “Dr Russ Harris separates specific behaviours aimed at avoiding or suppressing - essentially controlling - uncomfortable thoughts and feelings as follows: hiding, distraction, zoning out/numbing, suppression, arguing, taking charge, self-bullying”. Michaela goes on to say it’s OK to do these things in moderation but excessive use is a problem.
I liked the part about Away moves and Toward moves. “How many of those actions took you towards the type of life you want?” . I hope to live an intentional life, where I’ve identified my values, and live in alignment with them, where I don’t let my fear hold me back from what I really want. And this book is all about that.
The most interesting part was probably the least relevant (at first) to me. The chapter on HSPs (Highly Sensitive People / Personality trait). This was actually the part that provoked the most discussions with people in my life. It’s about how some people’s nervous systems are wired differently, it takes less to stimulate them so they are more easily overwhelmed. I could easily see how people around me had the HSP trait, those more bothered by sensory information like sounds and textures. Also the part about being highly perceptive of other people’s emotions. There is another element to HSP that I personally related to, the social side. Getting overwhelmed in social situations, feeling exhausted by human interaction, thinking a lot about how you are perceived, experiencing emotions deeply (I just call that being overdramatic), feeling the need to make the best, most informed decision. There’s talk of decision fatigue and indecision as no decision is perfect.
“If you’re a HSP, in addition to processing information deeply, you will often seek to maximise the amount of information you take in at any given time. This might be done as a way to figure out how best to react to or understand the world around you.”
The author talks about being aware of the differences in your own body between overwhelm and anxiety, and taking a step back in reaction to those feelings… Tapping out when as a HSP you feel overwhelmed (fine and perfectly acceptable response) vs tapping out when you feel anxious (very different and not necessarily helpful). Exposure is much more helpful for anxiety. Apparently over-arousal from HSPs can present with the same symptoms as anxiety as your body struggles to keep up - sweating, heart beating, stomach churning, shaking hands, tense muscles. Anxiety has a basis of fear which is the difference. I’ve always used the words overwhelmed and anxious interchangeably. Something to ponder for sure.
There’s a good bit about how to defuse unhelpful thoughts. I’ve heard the suggestion before about saying your thoughts out loud in a funny voice, it’s various things like that, to distance yourself. You are not your thoughts. The entire overthinking chapter was quite possibly the most relatable thing I’ve ever read. I’ve heard of the “inner child” but love the concept of the “anxious parent in your head trying to keep you safe by telling you what could go wrong, why you definitely shouldn’t do it that way and the reasons that, whatever it is, it’s going to be a complete and utter disaster.” That’s a compassionate way to think about the doom and gloom voice that’s often piping up to warn me of danger. This book discusses the why behind it which I think is an important part of therapy to stop self-criticism or even self-hatred. There are thousands of years of evolution behind our behaviours. Noticing your thoughts in a non-judgemental and non-possessive way can halt the downward spiral.
“If you’re prone to rumination, you’ve probably noticed that it can easily become a routine. You start off with one ‘what if?’ and you end up in a sort of analysis paralysis that feels uncontrollable - and the more habitual our thinking, the more difficult it is to break free.”
A good point made is that overthinking is not the same thing as problem-solving - I definitely forget that sometimes. It mentions some people “say they worry because they think they’re going to miss something if they don’t” and that is so me. You don’t know what you don’t know is such a scary concept to me (don’t know why I think overthinking will fix this). There’s a practical guide for how to problem-solve.
“Acknowledge what’s happening, thank your mind for trying to keep you safe, sit with the anxiety (it’s an emotion you know well and it won’t hurt you) and do what you need to do anyway.”
We all have a window of tolerance. When we are burnt out, overwhelmed or stressed that can manifest physically (headaches, neckache, backache, acne, stomach troubles etc.). A very important point this book makes is that trauma makes your window of tolerance smaller. You should have so much compassion with yourself. You’re not weak!
I really liked Michela’s holistic approach. She talks about drinking enough, eating well, moving, and says she always recommends clients with anxiety or low-mood go to the GP to get their bloods checked over, there might be non-psychological stuff going on. She also says she’s giving people the tools to help themselves and that she’s working to get people out of therapy, she doesn’t want people in her office any longer than they need to be. Interesting as I once heard someone say everyone should be in therapy and took that as gospel (even though it's a highly privileged statement, therapy is expensive!).
There’s yet another part of the book where I felt so seen - the part on procrastination. Procrastinating because you’re worried you’re not going to do a good enough job (better to fail when you didn't have enough time than because you worked your butt off and just weren’t good enough). There’s also procrastination as a form of self sabotage - we’re always looking for evidence to confirm our negative biases and beliefs. There’s a good list “ten ways to make sure you get shit done”.
I’d definitely buy this book. There's lots to dig into and implement. I still don’t know what the seven steps are which is funny (but there are seven chapters?). But I have more than seven things to work on thanks to this book. There are exercises, lists, diagrams and more. Absolutely brilliant stuff!
I was looking for a book at the library that would give me new motivation to do some CBT exercises as I’ve been feeling mighty anxious lately. The back of this one - “boost confidence, tackle people-pleasing and imposter syndrome, feel calmer” sounded like a good time.. and it really was. Seemed a bit informal to start with, so I wasn’t sure it was for me and almost put it down but SO GLAD I didn’t. I feel seen, supported and inspired. It’s one of those books I ended up mentioning to so many people in my real life, it sparked quite a few conversations. It was so relevant to me and I really enjoyed the process of reading it, even when it was calling me out or bringing up challenging behaviours or patterns. I wrote in my journal: “currently reading You’ve Got This and maybe I do?!?” (and hey this book says journaling and mindfulness are two of the most helpful forms of self-practice for anxiety so yay)
This could be quite a long review as I took many notes. Just know that if you think you’re an overthinker, a people-pleaser, a highly sensitive person, have a fear of failure and/or deal with imposter syndrome and want to stop holding yourself back, live a life with less fear and more confidence you should give this book a try. It’s not a prescriptive, professional guide, the author says she’s “not a fan of jargon and her sessions are a mix of fun and serious” but if you don’t mind some millennial slang and chatty narration go for it. Dr Michaela Dunbar knows what she’s talking about.
Trying not to think about something has been proven to bring your focus to the thought more, so if you’re ruminating or overthinking “the most positive move you can make in this situation is to combine acceptance and action.” You can’t control all your thoughts, so make peace with them and move on. This book discusses mental filtering, how one of our survival mechanisms is to pay more attention to negativity, it’s human nature.
You’ve Got This uses a lot of CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) concepts and combines them with ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) tools. A good, positive, productive mix I think! Being able to notice your unhelpful patterns and habits is half the battle. “Dr Russ Harris separates specific behaviours aimed at avoiding or suppressing - essentially controlling - uncomfortable thoughts and feelings as follows: hiding, distraction, zoning out/numbing, suppression, arguing, taking charge, self-bullying”. Michaela goes on to say it’s OK to do these things in moderation but excessive use is a problem.
I liked the part about Away moves and Toward moves. “How many of those actions took you towards the type of life you want?” . I hope to live an intentional life, where I’ve identified my values, and live in alignment with them, where I don’t let my fear hold me back from what I really want. And this book is all about that.
The most interesting part was probably the least relevant (at first) to me. The chapter on HSPs (Highly Sensitive People / Personality trait). This was actually the part that provoked the most discussions with people in my life. It’s about how some people’s nervous systems are wired differently, it takes less to stimulate them so they are more easily overwhelmed. I could easily see how people around me had the HSP trait, those more bothered by sensory information like sounds and textures. Also the part about being highly perceptive of other people’s emotions. There is another element to HSP that I personally related to, the social side. Getting overwhelmed in social situations, feeling exhausted by human interaction, thinking a lot about how you are perceived, experiencing emotions deeply (I just call that being overdramatic), feeling the need to make the best, most informed decision. There’s talk of decision fatigue and indecision as no decision is perfect.
“If you’re a HSP, in addition to processing information deeply, you will often seek to maximise the amount of information you take in at any given time. This might be done as a way to figure out how best to react to or understand the world around you.”
The author talks about being aware of the differences in your own body between overwhelm and anxiety, and taking a step back in reaction to those feelings… Tapping out when as a HSP you feel overwhelmed (fine and perfectly acceptable response) vs tapping out when you feel anxious (very different and not necessarily helpful). Exposure is much more helpful for anxiety. Apparently over-arousal from HSPs can present with the same symptoms as anxiety as your body struggles to keep up - sweating, heart beating, stomach churning, shaking hands, tense muscles. Anxiety has a basis of fear which is the difference. I’ve always used the words overwhelmed and anxious interchangeably. Something to ponder for sure.
There’s a good bit about how to defuse unhelpful thoughts. I’ve heard the suggestion before about saying your thoughts out loud in a funny voice, it’s various things like that, to distance yourself. You are not your thoughts. The entire overthinking chapter was quite possibly the most relatable thing I’ve ever read. I’ve heard of the “inner child” but love the concept of the “anxious parent in your head trying to keep you safe by telling you what could go wrong, why you definitely shouldn’t do it that way and the reasons that, whatever it is, it’s going to be a complete and utter disaster.” That’s a compassionate way to think about the doom and gloom voice that’s often piping up to warn me of danger. This book discusses the why behind it which I think is an important part of therapy to stop self-criticism or even self-hatred. There are thousands of years of evolution behind our behaviours. Noticing your thoughts in a non-judgemental and non-possessive way can halt the downward spiral.
“If you’re prone to rumination, you’ve probably noticed that it can easily become a routine. You start off with one ‘what if?’ and you end up in a sort of analysis paralysis that feels uncontrollable - and the more habitual our thinking, the more difficult it is to break free.”
A good point made is that overthinking is not the same thing as problem-solving - I definitely forget that sometimes. It mentions some people “say they worry because they think they’re going to miss something if they don’t” and that is so me. You don’t know what you don’t know is such a scary concept to me (don’t know why I think overthinking will fix this). There’s a practical guide for how to problem-solve.
“Acknowledge what’s happening, thank your mind for trying to keep you safe, sit with the anxiety (it’s an emotion you know well and it won’t hurt you) and do what you need to do anyway.”
We all have a window of tolerance. When we are burnt out, overwhelmed or stressed that can manifest physically (headaches, neckache, backache, acne, stomach troubles etc.). A very important point this book makes is that trauma makes your window of tolerance smaller. You should have so much compassion with yourself. You’re not weak!
I really liked Michela’s holistic approach. She talks about drinking enough, eating well, moving, and says she always recommends clients with anxiety or low-mood go to the GP to get their bloods checked over, there might be non-psychological stuff going on. She also says she’s giving people the tools to help themselves and that she’s working to get people out of therapy, she doesn’t want people in her office any longer than they need to be. Interesting as I once heard someone say everyone should be in therapy and took that as gospel (even though it's a highly privileged statement, therapy is expensive!).
There’s yet another part of the book where I felt so seen - the part on procrastination. Procrastinating because you’re worried you’re not going to do a good enough job (better to fail when you didn't have enough time than because you worked your butt off and just weren’t good enough). There’s also procrastination as a form of self sabotage - we’re always looking for evidence to confirm our negative biases and beliefs. There’s a good list “ten ways to make sure you get shit done”.
I’d definitely buy this book. There's lots to dig into and implement. I still don’t know what the seven steps are which is funny (but there are seven chapters?). But I have more than seven things to work on thanks to this book. There are exercises, lists, diagrams and more. Absolutely brilliant stuff!
November 2, 2024
3.5 stars
I have to admit that I mostly borrowed this audiobook from the library to meet my reading goal as it’s quite short, but I thought it might be useful too.
I definitely think it has some useful basic advice concerning anxiety and hyper sensitivity, which I live with, but I feel like this book was written for a very specific type of person: young career women who struggle with perfectionism and anxiety, which is definitely not myself. It gives a good basic overview and is helpful for other people, but I think it perhaps could have been a bit clearer about its intended audience
I have to admit that I mostly borrowed this audiobook from the library to meet my reading goal as it’s quite short, but I thought it might be useful too.
I definitely think it has some useful basic advice concerning anxiety and hyper sensitivity, which I live with, but I feel like this book was written for a very specific type of person: young career women who struggle with perfectionism and anxiety, which is definitely not myself. It gives a good basic overview and is helpful for other people, but I think it perhaps could have been a bit clearer about its intended audience
October 8, 2024
Very helpful
March 29, 2023
Mostly the HSP and anxiety stuff was helpful, I underlined some reflection exercises and sentences that I will definitely look back to when I'm feeling under the weather.
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews