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Die beste Zeit ist am Ende der Welt

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Nachdem in ihrem Leben alles gründlich schiefgelaufen ist, steigt die siebzehnjährige Peyton kurzerhand in ein Flugzeug nach Vancouver. Allein. Im Gepäck: jede Menge Verzweiflung, schlechte Erinnerungen und ihr Skizzenbuch. Sie ist fest entschlossen, allem zu entkommen. Dem Mobbing, der Einsamkeit, der Person, zu der sie geworden ist. Es dauert eine Weile, doch eine bunt zusammengewürfelte Truppe Backpacker hilft Peyton dabei, wieder Vertrauen zu fassen. Bei einem gemeinsamen Roadtrip quer durch Kanadas atemberaubende Landschaft erlebt sie ein unvergessliches Abenteuer und entdeckt, dass es wahre Freundschaft vielleicht doch gibt.

400 pages, Hardcover

First published February 23, 2021

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Sara Barnard

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Displaying 1 - 30 of 262 reviews
Profile Image for Sophie.
1,461 reviews556 followers
March 28, 2020
I received an Advance Reader Copy from the publisher. This in no way impacted on my view.

This review will either be difficult to write, or really easy. As soon as I heard about this book, and took a look at the synopsis, I decided to request a copy from the publisher, as I had really enjoyed a previous book by this author, A Quiet Kind of Thunder, and was expecting the same from this one. As you can see from the dates read, it took me neigh on 4 weeks to finish the book, and it's not like it was too long - it was only 320 pages. In Destination Anywhere, the main character Peyton is 17, and after having a horrific 5 years at secondary school, where she was bullied constantly, she hoped sixth form would be different. And it was, at first. But when it also starts to go wrong, she takes her dad's credit card, books a ticket to Canada, and jumps ship. She has no idea of what she'll do in Canada, except explore, and have an adventure. As the story gets going, we learn more about her life before and now, to fully understand her motives.

That all sounds good, yeah? Well, that's what I thought too, but pretty much from the beginning I had issues. Now, I'm not going to ignore that Peyton's life at school was horrific, but I can't understand how nothing was done in the entire five years she was there, either by her parents or her teachers. Next we get to her managing to travel, internationally, alone at 17, with next to no questioning. When I was that age, I was arriving back into the UK after being abroad, and the border officer sent me through by myself, and I was questioned, extensively, about why I was alone, and it was only when they let my Mam come to the same booth - she'd been sent through already - and they checked her passport, I was ok. And that was me arriving into my home country, not a foreign one.

After I got over that, I started to get bored by Peyton, herself. She just wasn't a character I liked, and I found her whinging all the time just annoying. It was eye-roll inducing, and not exactly enjoyable. I think that was when I put the book down for a bit, and actually read another few books in the mean time, but once lockdown was upon us, I decided I may as well finish it, and dove back in. This is when it all got a bit too much.

Like I said earlier, the book is split into two parts, the before she fled, and the now while she's in Canada. The before chapters were simultaneously boring, and cringe worthy. Peyton finds a group of friends at sixth form, including Flick, Travis, Eric, and Casey, and falls right in with them. But, then, the problems start. Flick is self centred, and her boyfriend, Eric, is abusive and a bully. Travis and Peyton soon become a thing, and the next thing you know they're sleeping together and telling each other they love them, when they clearly don't, and Casey is just passive. As if that wasn't enough, drugs and booze start getting involved and everything really falls apart. Teenagers make mistakes - it's true - but Peyton here was just ridiculous. She knew she was making mistakes, and kept saying it, but did nothing to stop it. I actually ended up skimming these chapters, because if I spent too long on them, I would've thrown the book out the window probably.

The now chapters in Canada were enjoyable, especially when we can't travel right now, and it was lovely learning about all the different places Peyton went to, like Vancouver Island, Banff, Lake Louise, etc. I enjoyed the group of friends she made while travelling, and that's the only reason this book is 2 stars, because it's what redeemed it all, if I'm honest. I have a few more of this author's books on my shelves, and I'm not sure if I'll try them now, because it seems her books are either a hit or a miss.
Profile Image for Reading_ Tamishly.
5,334 reviews3,620 followers
November 25, 2023
I just love the author’s writing and her young adult character as well as her adult character representations. They are very realistic, relatable and quite reliable.

However, with this one I got a little disappointed with the writing and the character development. The plot is okay. The best part of this story is the ending. I love the ending.

This is the story of a seventeen year old girl who runs away unable to bear extreme bullying feeling that no one could help her, feeling frustrated with having no friends and parents who she feels would not understand her.
She needed a huge change in everything and she had to leave for a new place.
She lands in a completely new place, meets new “friends” who either actually help her or takes advantage of her situation. She meets new guys and falls in love for the first time. She also gets to meet her grandfather for a brief period too which I find quite endearing.

However, I wanted more from the writing and the characters. I wanted more involvement of the adult characters as well as the so called friends to do something meaningful.
But I am so glad things ended quite well.

And I am planning to read all the books by the author though ☺️

I love the illustrations! It’s rare to read a book with illustrations in between the pages when it’s not a middle grade book.
It quite surprised me.

I know what you mean but I am not your person. (I actually said this to the book)
Profile Image for Alex Nonymous.
Author 26 books568 followers
April 26, 2021
Thanks to the publisher for providing an eARC of Destination Anywhere in exchange for an honest review.

While I like the concept here and the self discovery journey Sara Barnard is going for (also, as a Canadian, I was infinitely amused by the notion of people from the UK coming here to 'find themselves' instead of the other way around), Peyton as a character was really difficult to get behind and since the story is basically just her inner journey, it made it hard to enjoy the novel.

Peyton feels as though she's never really had friends due to longterm bullying and while I get that that kind of thing can heavily impact all of someone's future social interactions, Peyton brings it up in almost the exact same way every few pages and it quickly becomes very tired. I also felt like there wasn't enough non-self pitying reflection on her own role in her previous destructive friend group. The book is told in before and after segments and while Peyton's old friends ultimately make a really bad decision, I was expecting something a lot more intentionally awful than a group of non-sober teenagers in over their head doing something dumb. In the reflections on her past Peyton spends a lot of time vilifying the members of that friend group for partaking in the same risk-taking behaviors she is and while I understand that being in her head means it's important we understand that she fell into those behaviors out of a desperate want for friendship, it rubbed me the wrong way that the narrative was always "these people suck because they did stupid things that I also did because I was desperate to be their friends" instead of "these people suck and I let my desperation turn me into the kind of person I think sucks and need to acknowledge that and try to stop it from happening again".
Profile Image for Joy.
36 reviews16 followers
April 28, 2022
This was an engaging read that i didn’t want to put down. I liked following around Peyton on her journey, and there was always something going on to keep me on the edge of my seat. The book felt kind of rushed, like there could be improvements, but pretty good.
Profile Image for Holly.
505 reviews1 follower
May 10, 2020
I’ve really enjoyed previous Sara Bernard books, but this one really didn’t do it for me. I think my main issue with it was the plausibility of Peyton being able to travel freely in Canada at 17, without her parent’s permission. I find it highly unlikely she’d have managed to check into multiple hostels without anyone questioning her age (most won’t let you check in under 18 without parental permission, which she absolutely didn’t have) and I don’t buy that her parents wouldn’t have contacted the police about their runaway child. Also why did none of the friends she made really question her age? How old was Beasey supposed to be? She called him older and more mature but I assumed he was a gap year traveller and would’ve been no more than a year/18 months older than her, unless he was a post-Uni traveller in which case, yikes.

Other than that, I just found Peyton very difficult to get on board with as a character. I think she read at times both older and younger than her 17, and she just didn’t have a spark. I’m sure there will be relatability for teens reading this who’ve struggled with bullying and loneliness, but the way Peyton and her family have dealt with that issue is not the right way to go about it, and I don’t think what she does to cope is aspirational or really even believable.

One thing I loved about this book though was the descriptions of Canada - after some of the lush descriptions of the landscape I’d love to visit (although maybe not in October - an excellent travel tip!), and I thought the found family/tribe part was lovely. It just would’ve made far more sense if she’d been a bit older - even 18 would’ve sold it for me.

Thanks to the publishers and Netgalley for providing me with an ARC for this review!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Profile Image for Samantha (WLABB).
4,411 reviews280 followers
February 25, 2021
Secondary school had been filled with isolation and abuse, therefore, Peyton was looking forward to a fresh start in college. Though she was able to find a group friends, she found she was losing herself in this friendship. When she hit bottom, she was looking to run far from her life. That brought her to the west coast of Canada, where she found her tribe and herself.

I cannot express how much I love reading a Sara Barnard book. Her books are always such a wonderful and emotional experience for me, and this one really hit home.

Though I never got as wild as Peyton did, I had a similar experience. I was relentlessly tortured in grade school, and though things weren't quite as bad in high school, there was a group of girls who lived to isolate me and make me feel bad. I could totally understand Peyton trying so hard to be part of this group that appeared to welcome her as one of their own. She was so desperate to be accepted and to have friends, that she constantly dismissed all her reservations. She wasn't blind, but she dismissed a lot of things go, because of her need to be included.

It was utterly heartbreaking to read those bits from "before", but as rash as the decision was, fleeing to Canada came with a great reward for Peyton. There she learned what real friendship was. She found a group of incredible people, who liked her for who she was, not for what she could give them. She didn't have to perform for them, but rather, she could be herself. The contrast between her college friends and her Canadian friends was so striking, and I loved seeing them side by side like that.

Barnard made me cry and feel lots of things, but she also took me on an adventure. I was only in Vancouver to board a cruise ship, so I didn't really get to see much. Barnard filled in those holes for me. She brought me to so many wonderful places, showed so many breathtaking natural wonders, and let me tag along on an epic road trip.



This combination of physical and personal journey was such a winning combination. Though Peyton's past was painful to read about, I found so much joy in her present. Seeing her heal and learn to trust again filled me with endless amounts of cheer. A part of me hopes Barnard might revisit Peyton and write a sequel. I loved her and her merry bunch of travelers so much. It would be a joy to attend a reunion with them.

*ARC provided in exchange for an honest review.

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Profile Image for Chloe Reads Books.
1,263 reviews510 followers
December 29, 2022
2.5 STARS
I think some of the relationships in this book were told very well - with a look at how a bullied teen can interact when trying to make new friends.
HOWEVER I hated some of the messages in this book. A teen may think on reading that its forgivable to steal a parent's credit card, fly 5000 miles and jeopardise their entire future. I may be getting too old, but if I could re-write the story I would have the MC being deported on landing in Canada, not celebrated.
Profile Image for Rachael Mills.
1,127 reviews16 followers
March 12, 2020
This was my first book by Sara Barnard and I loved it; I can't wait to read her other titles as soon as possible. Destination Anywhere is about finding yourself and your place in the world, friendship, and the power simple kindness can have. The plot was engaging, the characters were fantastic, and the Canadian setting was incredible.
Profile Image for Kara Babcock.
2,143 reviews1,633 followers
April 10, 2022
Well, turns out the destination is Canada, which isn’t quite the same as anywhere but certainly has enough range to come close.

Sara Barnard sneakily published this novel last year and didn’t tell me! Barnard’s young adult novels are inevitably, heartbreakingly poignant. Her most recent that I had read, Fierce Fragile Hearts , left an indelible mark upon my soul for the way that I, as an aromantic and asexual person, felt seen by Barnard’s careful, honest portrayal of friendship as equal to romantic love. Even now just reading that review from 2019 makes me ache thinking about how much of a revelation that book felt like for me.

So naturally, I was excited to read Destination Anywhere. While it didn’t grab me the same as Fierce Fragile Hearts did, I also didn’t have that expectation. I just wanted a good story with some meaning behind it, and that’s exactly what I got.

Peyton King has no friends. For a brief, shining year in sixth form, she thought she might have found some. That didn’t work out. So now this seventeen-year-old has bought a plane ticket with her dad’s credit card and flown across the world to Vancouver, Canada, where she plans to see the whole country (lol). With no plan and very little concept of how big Canada is, Peyton sets out on her grand adventures, interrupted only by flashback chapters here and there that tell us the story of how we got to now.

In case you all don’t know this about me, my most relevant identity for this review is that I am Canadian. So it was a lot of fun to see Barnard portray my country to her primarily British audience. According to her acknowledgements, she lived in Canada (in British Columbia) for a time, and I’m not surprised. Now, I actually have never been to BC—I live in a big but small town called Thunder Bay, Ontario, which Peyton bypasses on her journey east. But based on my lived experience as a Canadian, I can say that Barnard does a pretty good job at capturing what parts of our country she portrays!

Of course, Peyton isn’t running to Canada so much as away from the mess she perceives to be her life. I love the flashback story structure Barnard uses here. Each chapter unfolds a vignette from Peyton’s past yet leaves us wanting more before pulling us back to the present. Unlike some novels, however, the present-day chapters are just as compelling. Peyton falls in with a good group of older people who shepherd her and act as faithful friends—and maybe a love interest, I’m not telling. It’s sweet and could be saccharine were it not for the realistic way Barnard portrays Peyton’s social anxiety. This trip is not a panacea; the book does not end with everything in Peyton’s life OK again (or perhaps for the first time). And certainly Peyton gets lucky with her group of travelling companions; I wouldn’t recommend this book for another seventeen-year-old with wanderlust because I’m not sure they would be so lucky as Peyton is.

But quite a bit of this book spoke to me despite my adolescence differing greatly from Peyton’s. I had friends in high school and university. That being said, I can identify with Peyton’s disconnection from her friend group and anxiety, later, about making new friends. There is a universality to Barnard’s characterization that means, I suspect, many readers will resonate with at least parts of Peyton’s story, whether it’s the reactions of her parents (and brother) to her sudden trip or Peyton’s subsequent interactions with her former friends. In any event, I was reminded of what I adore so much about Barnard’s novels: the easy pacing, the way that even the more static characters are sketched with such care, and the gentle heartache that emanates from our protagonist.

Destination Anywhere is a book about the pain of growing up, the pain of not being understood, and the fear of not finding your people. It is loud and bold but also subtle and sensitive. I devoured it in two days not just because it’s an easy read but because it kept my attention (and maybe even made me want to see more of my own country). Though far from my favourite of Barnard’s work, I’m happy I took the time to catch up, and I’m very excited for her upcoming novel, Something Certain, Maybe!

Originally posted on Kara.Reviews, where you can easily browse all my reviews and subscribe to my newsletter.

Creative Commons BY-NC License
Profile Image for Nemo (The ☾Moonlight☾ Library).
736 reviews318 followers
July 28, 2023
This review was originally posted on The Moonlight Library
I am mad at myself for waiting so long to dive into Destination Anywhere, but in my defence, the title and blurb are... not great. It's downright misleading. The main character, Peyton, doesn't just randomly buy the first plane ticket she can: she researches where she's going and carefully chooses Canada. It's a lovely title, but slightly misleading. Maybe it would have been better if it was Destination Anywhere But Here.

However, it was an absolute gem of a novel. From the moment I picked it up, I was swept away on a thoughtfully crafted journey filled with unexpected depth and heart-wrenching moments. And yes, I should have expected it, because Sara Barnard always makes me cry, without fail.

One of the standout elements is the extraordinary character development. Barnard pours her heart and soul into shaping Peyton, giving her a voice that resonated deeply with me. I was genuinely surprised by the emotional impact of certain scenes, particularly a seemingly harmless prank that unfolded in a way that absolutely shattered my heart. The level of investment and empathy I felt for Peyton truly speaks to Barnard's exceptional ability to create relatable and nuanced characters.

Throughout the book, Barnard deftly explores the layers of Peyton's past, unravelling her struggles with sensitivity and authenticity. The emotional depth and rawness of the narrative kept me engaged from beginning to end, provoking both tears and moments of profound reflection.

Barnard's prose is beautifully crafted, with vivid descriptions that effortlessly transport readers into the heart of Peyton's journey. There are also occasional sketches, which are supposed to be Peyton's, and to be honest, they did really help me because I still wasn't entirely sure what Barnard meant by 'suspension bridge' until I saw 'Peyton's sketch. The narrative flips back and forth between Peyton's present-day adventure and her emotional past, with spot-on pacing, blending introspection and self-discovery with unexpected twists and turns that kept me eagerly engrossed. This was a book that I could have read in one day, but I did not want to. I wanted to savour it.

In conclusion, Destination Anywhere is a quieter book that took me by surprise. Barnard's talent shines in every page, delivering a beautiful tale of self-discovery that surpassed my expectations. I loved seeing Peyton's desire for independence blossom into resilience and maturity. I'm sad I put off reading this book for so long, but I may not have been ready to read it when it was first released. I'm really glad I have read it now, and Barnard continues to thoroughly impress me with every release.
Profile Image for MBooks.
155 reviews1 follower
October 19, 2024
Setting ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Charaktere ⭐️⭐️,5 ( Maja 🏔️🥾🥰 auf die 1)
Handlung ⭐️⭐️,5 das Drama um ihre Vergangenheit wurde so unnötig herausgezögert
Schreibstil ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Unterhaltung ⭐️⭐️⭐️,5


Fehlende Triggerwarnungen:
(es gab gar keine)

-Drogenmissbrauch
-Abhängigkeit
-toxische Beziehung
-Mobbing
-übergriffiges Verhalten
-Gewalt
-verletzendes Verhalten
-Trauma
-Traumabewältigung
-mentale Störung
-sexuelle Übergriffe
-Panikattacken
-übermäßiger Alkoholkonsum
-Verlust
-toxische Freunde
Profile Image for dutchy.
24 reviews
June 22, 2026
Might have even be a better read the second time 'round.

Teens who read this book, please don't just get on a plane in a whim.
Adults who read this book (aka, note to self), don't just get on a plane in a whim.

Profile Image for Luna De Schutter.
66 reviews5 followers
February 25, 2022
this book was just so bland.. i never finished it and i really don’t feel like picking it up anymore so i will just dnf it
Profile Image for hollie.
1,173 reviews61 followers
January 23, 2021
I’m really conflicted with this one because I have read many of Sara’s other books and have really enjoyed them but this one fell flat for me.

- Peyton first of all, was the dullest character I have ever read about. She didn’t have anything to her that was remotely memorable and she was painfully boring to read from.
- I didn’t like how the book was structured with Peyton’s life before and after Canada. There were so many inconsistencies and I couldn’t imagine how easy it was for her to just go on a jolly to canada without been questioned profusely about it. I preferred the after chapters, and the before chapters weren’t nice considering the bullying Payton experienced.
- I felt like this book is directed for a much younger YA audience and had some really cringey language and overly used cliches.

This one just wasn’t for me.
I received this book via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
Profile Image for Karen Barber.
3,393 reviews80 followers
May 23, 2020
A difficult story to review in some ways, because there were elements that didn’t quite seem plausible (which is the only reason I’m not awarding five stars). Everything else about this book drew me in, tugged at my heartstrings and had me feeling Barnard had perfectly captured that sense of uncertainty so many feel but never want to admit to.
Our main character is Peyton King, a seventeen year old travelling on her own to Canada. She has no discernible plan, has walked out on college and left a note for her parents...my first thought hearing this was what on earth could have happened to get so bad that this extreme action seemed like a good idea? As we journey with Peyton we learn more about her, and how she came to be in this situation.
Peyton, we learn, was bullied throughout her five years at secondary school. Isolated incidents initially, but they do gather in seriousness and there’s no doubting the impact they’ve had on her. Spending all this time with no friends, Peyton has a somewhat skewed view on friendship and the extent to which she’ll sacrifice herself to have what she sees comes so easily to many others. When she starts at sixth form college she is quite desperate to form friendships...and when she falls into a group she gets caught up in the excitement of this that she never takes the time to think about how healthy it is for her.
This won’t be an experience everyone can identify with. We see things from a viewpoint we might not necessarily understand, but Peyton herself also comes to see that she made choices in this scenario. No matter what self-awareness she reaches, her so-called friends were awful in so many ways - but it seems they each had their own issues. However, when we reach the dramatic revelation of what they actually did I was appalled.
There’s no quick fix here. Peyton is, obviously, finding things out and luckily she ends up taken under the wings of some more seasoned travellers who offer a very different definition of friendship. She has a wonderful travelling experience and this is definitely more of a positive experience than you might imagine someone in her position might have had.
There were some wonderful descriptions of the travel experiences, and the way this ended had a sense of perspective. Not everything was magically solved, but there were steps towards a more positive hopeful future.
Thanks to NetGalley for allowing me to read this prior to publication.
Profile Image for Clara.
42 reviews
May 19, 2026
Ich kann nicht genau sagen was ich an diesem Buch so sehr liebe, da ich auch jede Kritik verstehe. Es ist vermutlich ziemlich unrealistisch dass man mit 17 sich einfach so in ein Flugzeug setzt. Es ist auch unrealistisch dass man immer und immer wieder Drogen nimmt, nur um dazu zu gehören.
Dennoch kann ich Peyton verstehen, weil man nach Mobbing krampfhaft versucht dazuzugehören, und ich das selten realistischer Porträtiert gesehen habe.
Generell lebt dieses Buch durch das Porträtieren von Szenen und Charakteren. Es ist sehr sprunghaft erzählt und man hat am Anfang wenig durchblick, besonders da es ständig zwischen der Vergangenheit und der Gegenwart hin und her springt. In der Vergangenheit erlebt man wie Peyton nachdem sie schlimm gemobbt wurde einen Fehler nach dem anderen begeht (und sich auch wirklich außergewöhnlich dämlich anstellt). In der Gegenwart läuft sie davon, und lernt zum einen, dass man vor dem Leben nicht wegrennen kann, aber auch wie das Leben funktioniert. Denn das finde ich sind die Gegenwartskapitel. Eine art mini Anleitung fürs Leben. Wie funktioniert Freundschaft, was mache ich nach der Schule, wie finde ich meinen Weg. Und das alles innerhalb eines sehr cuten Roadtripps.
Eines der wenigen Bücher wo ich auf jeden Fall sagen würde, dass ich langfristig etwas draus mitgenommen habe.
Ich liebe dieses Buch (erwähnte ich vielleicht schon mal)
Profile Image for Sophias_bookemporium.
105 reviews5 followers
June 28, 2020
I received this book from the publisher as a total surprise. As always I read it and will give an honest review.

This review is really hard as I mainly read Fantasy and YA Fantasy, so this book was out of my comfort zone.

The book tells the story about a girl trying to find her place in the world and people to spend it with. The main character had a very hard time at school which wasn't easy to read and made me feel really bad for her. She also made a lot of mistakes picking her friends but the story is being told in flashbacks, so she understands the mistakes she made.

I loved the travelling and how the author described the different places. The story was very well written but as someone that doesn't usually read this genre and mainly reads books that contain a lot of action the book felt a bit uneventful at times.
It also ended quite abruptly and I wish you would have seen where the main character's path took her next and the things she accomplished.
Overall it was a very smooth read and I do recommend it to people that like Young Adult contemporaries.
Profile Image for Marjo.
343 reviews34 followers
September 4, 2024
as much as i loved sara barnard's older books, this one just didn't hit the spot for me. while i've always treasured her writing as being emotional, gut-punch kind of beautiful, i felt like this missed the mark. there were a couple of smaller moments that came close, but still barely scraped the surface.

i would've loved for the main character to explore more of her hurt over her past friend and boyfriend mistreating her for over a year, instead of focussing on one cruel moment. i feel like it would've also added a lot if she actually reconnected with the friend who reached out to her after the whole ordeal, instead of it just being briefly mentioned. now it just felt like a weirdly unneccesary addition.
Profile Image for Chloe Pounds.
199 reviews1 follower
September 17, 2022
wow. this book is so good. don’t get me wrong it is a bit slow in the beginning but once you get stuck into the book it is amazing. i see so so SO many similarities between me and Peyton apart from the going to Canada thing 🤣i wish. but it is so good and the perfect self love, self acceptance and finding yourself book. Peyton is such and inspiration and Sara Bernard handled the subjects in it so carefully and sincerely and i am truly inspired.
whatever else happened, this happened!! - Beasey
Profile Image for Chiara.
158 reviews26 followers
June 25, 2021
"Pain is not a hierarchy. It is like a reservoir. It all comes from the same place. Sometimes the volume changes, but people can drown in three inches of water."
Profile Image for Farah Hanani.
368 reviews18 followers
March 11, 2021
This book is insanely me, I'm so shocked that I didn't ghostwrite it.

Trigger Warning: Bullying, anxiety, abandonment, drugs.

This book is also deeply personal to me, every feeling, thought and journey was as if it was dug from my brain and spilled on paper in a more eloquent form than an abstract feeling in my nerves.

I too, ran away to a different country to escape a crumbled life. I too, felt the desperation in search of a more permanent and unbreakable bond in a friendship that I dreamt and fantasized about my whole life. I too, had the stupid bad luck of just being myself and people not liking me for me. And I too, changed myself to fit in a mold that wouldn't fit.

For the longest time, I've rationalized and beat myself up over the fact that I'm crying over stupid friendships before realizing that my feelings are still valid and I'm allowed to feel the way I do even if nobody understands it.

I didn't think reading about my own (similar) experiences would be hard but it really was. I had to stop about 10% in and read two different books before continuing with this one. What I love the most about this book was that it wasn't anything extraordinarily cruel or brutal or extreme. Peyton's bullying experience was... mundane (it sounds bad/trivial when I put it that way but it really was... small) but the effects of that were huge and scarring and lasts a lifetime. A lot of Peyton's reactions to the friendships that she develops after are knee-jerk reactions and I UNDERSTOOD IT.

"There should be a different word for it," I said. "Bullied. It makes it sound so trivial."
"Because I have no friends and if I don't make friends I will die."
— my EXACT sentiment throughout life.

"A group of friends with their own history, all but impenetrable. It made me anxious, worried there was no room for me." — whenever I make new friends with people that already have their own clique.

"You know what traveling alone actually is? Lonely. Really, really lonely. And honestly, kind of boring too." — when I took that impromptu trip to Damyang for ~self-discovery~ just to have a hellish journey and be bored out of my mind by my own company.


"It was too late to try making new friends at college, but maybe I could just see out the year on my own." — when I had a fallout with one person that made me had a fallout with a WHOLE GROUP so I ended up self-isolating myself.

"There should be a word for friend love. It burns as hard, just in a different way."
"For all people talk about girls needing boyfriends to validate them, no one really talks about how girls needs best friends for the same reason."
— no one ever talks about friendship pains and no one ever talks about how complicated it can get.

Obviously, as a book there's character development for closure, and Peyton's VERY LUCKY to have understanding parents who, while pissed off as fxxk, are still open to conversation and communication. It might not always end that way in real life, but I take small comfort in Peyton's closure hoping I'll get comfortable enough to get to that position one day.
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256 reviews2 followers
July 24, 2022
Wunderbare Geschichte über Selbstakzeptanz und Selbstfindung, in der wichtige Themen wie Mobbing und toxische Freundschaften thematisiert werden.
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