Hold My Beer: An Apocalypse

by Mark Goring

Six people escape the apocalyptic Media Reset. A great adventure!

Genres: Fiction, Adventure

84 pages, Paperback

Published July 16, 2021

About the author

Fr. Mark Goring is a Catholic priest and one of the Companions of the Cross. He grew up in Pembroke, Ontario, Canada, entered the seminary at 18, and was ordained a priest in 2002.

Fr. Mark has worked as the Companions of the Cross Vocations Direction, Chaplain at York University in Toronto, and Director of the Catholic Charismatic Center in Houston, Texas.

Reviews

[Tamara · Rating 4 out of 5]

A little corny, a little cheesy, and yes if you know Fr. Mark's humour you'll enjoy this REALLY short fiction story that doesn't seem all that fictionalized.

[Steven R. McEvoy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was the second book I have read by Father Mark Goring CC. The first was Saint Joseph the Protector: A nine-day preparation for entrustment to St. Joseph, and is very different than this volume. When I finished that first one I picked up this and also, In His Zone 7 Principles for Thriving in Solitude. I wish this and the other books by Father Mark Goring were available electronically. With my dual form of dyslexia, eBooks are far more accessible, as the page color, font, and even font spacing can be changed to make reading easier. But most of Father Goring’s books are short enough I can make do using a colour film over the page. But back to this volume. I believe this is Father Goring’s only work of fiction to date. And some might read it and assume it is satire or farce. But that is not the impression I get from this book, though it is at times very humorous and entertaining. The description of the book is:

“A routine airport drop-off turns into an escape to the wilderness. The world’s communications systems are down and Father Pedro’s five VIP passengers know exactly what’s going on – the Media Reset.

The global elite are establishing a New World Order and silencing opposing voices. A remote island hunting camp becomes a place of refuge and surprises.”

The chapters in this book are:

A Place to Hide
Conspiracy Reality
Shotgun Visit
Shopping Spree
Ice Cold
Island Time
Need Coffee
Dictator for life
Freeze
Treasure Chest
Burst of love
Glassy Sea

The story has six main characters, Father Pedro and the 5 conference attendees he was driving to the airport. And an accomplice, known as Mr. Mister. And to be honest every time we encounter him in the book, even from the first mention of his name, I could not help but picture John Voight, as Mister Sir in the movie Holes.

““What’s your friend’s name?” Mother Elijah asks.
“Mr. Mister,” I answer.
Christie holds back a laugh. “Mr. Mister?” She asks.
“That’s what everyone calls him,” I reply.”

The main characters are:

Ralph: Podcaster The Ralph Report conservative commentary, a Catholic Traditionalist.

Christie is a beautiful African American woman, mid-twenties journalist with the Pro-Life News Service. Convert to Catholicism

Texas, a gentleman from Arizona, Don’t ask. Tall, blond, YouTube channel Extremely Catholic. Wild and crazy and popular with youth.

Mother Elijah a nun from Louisiana, author of several books on Christian Spirituality. Dominic a religious friar with the Order of Preachers, a Dominican. Originally from Vermont.

Father Pedro: A young priest who was just driving the other 5 to the airport after a conference.

The 6 had been participants at The Kingdom Media Conference that takes place in Ottawa Ontario every October. So our story begins with 5 well known American Catholic and a local Canadian priest. As they do a drive by at the airport they see 2 Franciscans they knew from the conference being arrested. They head to Father Pedro’s place and soon are warned that they are being looked for by the police. And so they head north and see the help of Mr. Mister.

This book sat on a table for a few weeks. Because I prefer eBooks. My you8ngest daughter kept asking about it because she found the title amusing. So one night I took it upstairs and read it between putting her to bed, and her brother. They book can easily be read in under 2 hours. It is an entertaining tale. The title does appear in the story several times, and becomes a bit of an in joke among the cast of characters. It is an interesting presentation of theories many believe today. And As an apocalypse far funnier than any others I have read.

It is an interesting and entertaining read.

Note: This book is part of a series of reviews: 2021 Catholic Reading Plan!

[Kyle Banadyga · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fr. Mark in writing this (in his words) “novelette” really hits home the need to see the love of our Lord in the simple things, the hardships, the surprises and in our failures. In an eerily timed writing, Fr. Mark does a great job in making this an easy and enjoyable read.

[Megan · Rating 5 out of 5]

A perfect little novella, with interesting characters & storyline. ✝️🍺

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Stars !!

[Tanya · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very quick yet thoroughly enjoyable read! It was worth purchasing!

[Brighton Hugg · Rating 5 out of 5]

Christie, hold my beer.

It’s incredibly refreshing to read a book a with Catholic characters. Each page left me with a big goofy smile, and I could imagine myself being in a similar situation to the characters.

I will say, you can tell that Mark Goring isn’t an experienced author. Some passages felt novice, but that didn’t take away from my overall enjoyment of the book. The ending was a bit abrupt, but it makes sense to the overall story. I just wish there was more, because the Goring created loveable characters and a fascinating world. I’ve literally fantasised about being in a similar situation.

If you enjoy Catholic characters and are looking for a super fun and short read, then I highly recommend this book!

[Cassie · Rating 3 out of 5]

It did not actually take me 1 1/2 years to read this book. I lost it! Finally gave up hope that it would turn up and bought it again. It’s only 75 pages and is easy to read in 1 sitting. Anyway, I love Fr. Mark and so reading this book with his voice in my head made it really enjoyable, but it’s not quite up to 5 or even 4 star status. If you’re a Fr. Mark Goring fan though, you will enjoy it!

[Emma Geis · Rating 4 out of 5]

Didn't end how I thought it would.

[Sabrina K · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5/5 stars

Now hear me out...

This was a short and entertaining read. I really wish I could give it more stars. It's not often that I see fictional modern books that center around Catholic characters and mention things like the 'New World Organization' theory - I applaud the author for breaking out of the typical Catholic mold of spiritual and 'self-help' type books.

That being said, the things I found unlikeable about this novella are really focused on the writing style. I could tell this author either wasn't a professional writer, or maybe wasn't used to writing in a fiction-like style. The descriptions of the characters were very 'matter-of-fact' (though his descriptions of the environment around the characters were better). The storyline felt quite rushed and there were some things that came up that were never mentioned again. Granted, this novella is only 72 pages (with quite a large font) so I guess there wasn't much room for a full fleshed-out story.

I'm guessing this novella, because of the disordered storyline, wasn't really focusing on the plot, but more of what it represented. Having the mass media control all forms of media (news, entertainment...) is basically a take-over of freedom - especially when it comes to practicing religious people.

I think this author could certainly improve his writing for any of his next little stories - I'll give him another chance when that time comes.

(Little side note: I thought it was quite funny seeing the chapter titles in Comic Sans of all fonts, that gave me a good laugh)

[Gary Peterson · Rating 2 out of 5]

I am a fan of Fr. Mark's YouTube devotionals and think he's a good and godly priest (may his tribe increase!). That said, it hurts me to admit I did not enjoy his book. After a promising start it floundered and flailed for 70 pages until a deus ex machina brought it to an abrupt end. The Media Reset was just a plot device to get these six characters onto a remote northern Canadian island where brief vignettes spotlighted each one, engineered to allow Fr. Mark to shoehorn in his title phrase, "hold my beer."

The book was lighthearted in tone, discordant with the "apocalypse" of the title and the globalist threat. There were poignant moments too, and prescient symbolism (the six wine glasses). These six characters were disturbingly content in their island cocoon, awaiting their ritual afternoon coffee and chocolate. Nobody seems all that interested in what is going on in the outside world. Nobody seemed interested in organizing a resistance and fighting back. Not one of these characters seemed to have a family or friends that they wished they could speak with or that they were worried about. They destroyed their cellphones early on with nobody making a call home to loved ones.

The characters were hard to warm up to, maybe in part due to their names. Mother Elijah, Texas (but he's from Arizona), Mr. Mister (yes, like the 80's band). Father Pedro is the narrator of the story. Ralph is the Traditionalist who attends the Latin Mass, but his portrayal isn't especially favorable. After a harrowing moment, the group recites a Rosary; everyone in the van "responds to each prayer in unison. Except for Ralph; he responds in Latin" (p. 28). Yep, those Trads sure are divisive; just ask Francis. (I'm confident no true Trad would ever act as rudely as Ralph.)

The characterization is inconsistent too. When someone has to swim across a cold lake to fetch the canoe, Texas tackles the task ("hold my beer"). But later, he's inexplicably incapable of swimming down to the lake bottom to retrieve a mysterious treasure chest (one said to be deep, yet near enough it could be seen through the thick ice of the lake's surface). Suddenly Christie surprises everyone by diving into the water and accomplishing what Texas couldn't (girl power!). She triumphantly announces she was captain of her water polo team. But why wasn't that skill mentioned earlier when someone had to swim across to get the canoe? It's as if Fr. Mark was making it up as he went; the characterization came as the need arose for each episode's climax.

Speaking of Christie, she's described as "a beautiful African American woman from Detroit" and "a convert to Catholicism from Pentecostalism" (p.2). How does one convert from Pentecostalism when that isn't a denomination? It's a movement of the Holy Spirit, one embraced by multitudes of charismatic Catholics.

Criticisms aside, there were enjoyable moments. Fr. Mark created real suspense as the six fugitives from globalism made their roundabout escape from Ottawa to the remote island hideaway. And the self-effacing jokes about Canada brought a smile ("I mention how Canada's parliamentary system works and everyone ignores me," p. 41). The opening pages about the New World Order and how the Media Reset would be staged were very intriguing and promising, but that promise wasn't fulfilled. Fr. Mark never took it further than a plot device. Conspicuous by its absence was any mention of the elephant in the room--the Covid pandemic.

The five people Fr. Pedro escapes with to this poor man's Galt's Gulch are all Catholic media luminaries in the crosshairs of the "Globies," yet if we weren't told that, little in the story would lead a reader to think that. Where are the stimulating conversations, the strategizing an escape, the clash of egos? I suspected these characters were based in part on Taylor Marshall (Ralph), Mother Miriam (Mother Elijah), Candace Owens (Christie), and Steve Ray (Texas) with Fr. Mark as Fr. Pedro (no idea who the sullen birdwatcher Dominic is based on). Imagine this group stuck together on a tiny island. I know they would be doing way more interesting, spiritual, and practical things than concocting new hot chocolate recipes, brewing mint tea, and wondering if there will be ice skating in Heaven.

[James · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read for the third time recently and still makes me laugh out loud. Also a nice example of the joy of community providing in hard times (even the apocalypse)

a sufficient level of catholic youtube consumption is necessary for enjoyment, particularly father mark's content was the sublime balance of profound, prophetic and playful.

favourite quote is how the fictional father describes his masses: "Of course, all my masses are simple and prayed from the heart, ad orientem with lots of latin and charismatic praise and a short but intellectually stimulating homily."
This would end the liturgy wars.

[Valerie Giggie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this thought-provoking novella one morning while sitting on the back porch in the cool weather--a fitting spot to read a story that mostly takes place in a lake cabin. It is a short, intriguing story about how the Great Reset may begin and how it affects one small group of people. Their challenges and solutions are actually educational. The running gag "hold my beer" adds humor to the text.

This is a fun read about a serious topic. And it ends as it has to end--with Father Goring's style.

[Brad Harris · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked this book. Its very very short and I also would have liked a longer story with these characters. I liked the characters a lot. The general plot of the book is very cool too and was intriguing right off the bat.

Im familiar with the author who I watch on YouTube so I know he is a novice author but I also think he shows he has a pretty good ability to write. It was easy reading.

[Beth Samuels · Rating 3 out of 5]

Super quick little read! Love Father Mark Goring so wanted to check out his novella. It’s not the most well-written incredible novel or anything, but it’s enjoyable and has little nuggets of truth in it, as well as gives you some things to discuss with others who have read the book.

[Debra · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was more of a short story than a novel, but it did have an interesting premise and one that was not all that unbelievable. The ending came out of nowhere. Kind of blew me away.
Write some more!!

[Audra · Rating 5 out of 5]

This little book was fantastic! Father Mark is one of my favorites on YouTube and as I read this tale, I could hear it narrated in his voice. This is a tale of true friendships. Loved it!
Viva Cristo Rey!

[Joe Besserfan · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Hold My Beer: An Apocalypse" is a nice, very short novel that packs a real punch. It's a super easy read that really delivers the goods. I watch author Fr. Mark Goring's Youtube videos all of the time so I thought I would show him a little bit of support by buying his book. I'm glad I did.

[Andrea · Rating 4 out of 5]

Short and entertaining story. Simple writing to make it a super easy read.

[caroline · Rating 5 out of 5]

A nice light read on a summer’s evening.

[Tami · Rating 1 out of 5]

Conspiracy theorist fiction drivel.

[Darlene K · Rating 4 out of 5]

An interesting quick read

[Kellen · Rating 4 out of 5]

A remarkably fun short read. If one lives life rightly related to God, things tend to fall into place.

[Michael Mullin · Rating 4 out of 5]

ended too fast. Interesting story. would have liked it to be longer.

[Eli · Rating 4 out of 5]

A quick read of an apocalyptic event where six people take refuge on a remote island hunting camp.
Twist ending.

[Hugo Gomez · Rating 4 out of 5]

Short enough to finish in a day. The story felt rushed but it was like listening to hunting stories from a friend. I expected a different kind of book, but I suppose the message of the book was that, no matter what transpires on the global scale, you can always take refuge and thrive in remote areas. Even though the characters obtain weapons, they don't exactly ever use them for violent purposes other than to hunt and sustain themselves. I don't regret supporting the author and glad for the purchase I made a while back and finally got to reading it.

[Andrew · Rating 1 out of 5]

Not a particularly good story and not well written.