شاید بخواهید با من ازدواج کنید!

by Jason B. Rosenthal, مهسا صمدی (Translator)

هدف اصلی این کتاب بررسی این موضوع است که دوست‌داشتن، ازدست‌دادن و در نهایت به‌نحوی غافلگیرکننده و غیرمنتظره مقاومت نشان‌دادن دربرابر نتایجِ حاصل از فقدان است. این کتاب داستان عشق و ازدست‌دادن است، اما در عین حال لذت، زیبایی و شورِ زندگی را ارج می‌نهد؛ داستانِ اینکه چطور به پایان بخشی از زندگی‌تان می‌رسید و برای رفتن به سوی بخش بعدی راهی می‌یابید؛ داستان زندگی نویسنده و زنی استثنایی یعنی همسرش، ایمی کراوس رزنتال است.
این کتاب روایت زندگی مردی از زنی موفق است و روایت رنج او از مرگ همسرش اما کتاب روایتی سوگوارانه نیست، روایتی از کنار آمدن با اندوه است.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Audiobook, Biography, Grief, Death, Biography Memoir

233 pages, Paperback

First published April 21, 2020

About the author

JASON B . ROSENTHAL is the #1 New York Times bestselling author of Dear Boy, co-written with his daughter, Paris. He is the board chair of the Amy Krouse Rosenthal Foundation, which supports childhood literacy and research in early detection of ovarian cancer. A lawyer, public speaker, and devoted father of three, he is passionate
about helping others find ways to fill their blank space as he continues to fill his own. Jason resides in Chicago, a city he is proud to call home.
@jasonbrosenthal
amykrouserosenthalfoundation.com

Reviews

[Brandice · Rating 5 out of 5]

My Wife Said You May Want to Marry Me is Jason Rosenthal’s story of marriage and coming to terms with great loss and grief as his wife, Amy Krouse Rosenthal, died of cancer.

10 days before she died, in 2017, the New York Times published Amy’s essay “You May Want to Marry My Husband” in its Modern Love column. The piece went viral (also included in this book), propelling Jason not just into some spotlight but into seeing a path for his future.

This book was undoubtedly sad at parts yet also inspiring. Jason is a great writer and it’s clear from the book that Amy was a creative, dynamic force, loved by many. She wanted more for the two of them and their children, she made lists upon lists, and lived by the majority of tenets they outlined. The one I admired most was to really live the life they wanted, and it seems they made great effort to do so — It’s something people often say, but how many actually do?

”What a gift to have had these moments, and why shouldn’t the rest of us have them now, while we’re still healthy? What are we waiting for? How arrogant of us to believe there will always be “more time.”

I’ve read reviews of this book calling it saccharine or glossy. It’s unfortunate some readers don’t respect it for what it is — A personal perspective on love and loss. While no relationship is ever perfect, it’s certainly possible Jason and Amy’s was close to it, at least from their own view, which in this case, is really the only one that matters.

My Wife Said You May Want to Marry Me is a tribute to a wonderful life together as well as a story of resilience and moving forward.

[Rose · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5 rounded up

A few disclaimers before I really dive in here.

1. I was not familiar with Jason Rosenthal or his wife before I picked this book up today.

2. I've never lost a spouse.

I could be the only person who feels this way, but I just expected more from this book.
It was thought provoking in terms of making me think about how I want to act now or be prepared if my husband or I suddenly face a terminal illness, and I am right about the age where I have to start admitting to myself that I'm not really young and will eventually die. I appreciate the space to confront those things in an honest way.
But, I have experienced real loss and grief, and I just felt like this author was masterful at being honest without being vulnerable. It felt a little glossy to me. I was hoping to read and connect to a little more mess and rawness and pain.
I know that we all experience grief differently, and I do believe that this was his real experience. But honestly even reading about how perfect his marriage and family was over the course of the 26 years actually made it really difficult to connect with this author or story. I'm not doubting it. I just found it kind of alienating from my own personal grief experience.
What I do appreciate about this book and story is that it is clear that Jason Rosenthal deeply loved and was completely devoted to Amy and his children. And that was beautiful and inspiring.
I just don't think that this author's point of view and writing style is a good match for me at this time. But if it's helping other people, well yeehaw then.

[Paulette · Rating 4 out of 5]

For those readers familiar with the story of Amy Krouse Rosenthal and her NYT essay about her suggestion that "you may want to marry her husband" that went viral - this is a memoir from her husband about their love story. Touching and honest concerning the grief a spouse deals with when a loved one dies, Jason Rosenthal writes a moving account of their marriage and the loss he has experienced. This is a tribute to his wife, first and foremost, as well an exploration of the resilience that is possible in order to live again. Highly recommended - pub date April 21st. Thank you Edelweiss for the advanced reading copy.
On a personal note - I am the librarian mentioned in the essay who shared the experience of getting a matching tattoo with Amy.

[Kaloyana · Rating 1 out of 5]

This is a book about how privileged people talk about losing a loved one, while having a perfect life. Full of cliches, boring repeatedly shallow sentences are not the problem. The problem is that this simply is not normal. I mean it. This guy needs a big reality check. A huge one. How people live and what happens in the world outside your perfect family and friends, and career and kids and house and traveling, yoga, painting, reading (you do it all and that makes you fulfilled and a good person? I know, I know) and perfect parents and dog etc. If you need to know how rich people cry too and also die, this is a book for you. Why do we have to listen to this, really? Maybe the guy is alright, but he can't write this is not a literature, this is "dear diary" level of writing. And also he sounds like those people who think that they understand and help others by donating money and some time. Hello? Anyone? This is your ego speaking right to your consciousness, pal. I guess it is OK talking like this to your friends and your crowd of people, who share same kind of life and ignorance about the big picture, which is OK too, but a real book? Please. This is a huge NO.
I'm sorry, but I don't want to marry your husband, Amy Rosenthal.


P.S I listen to it, because John Green was saying some good words about it and I am his huge fan. But in the book I understand that they were friends, so I guess this was like a nice thing to do to your grieving friend.
Bad, bad boy John! No more recommendations like this, please!

[A. H. Reaume · Rating 2 out of 5]

RECORD SCRATCH. What was a benign memoir took a SHARP TURN in the last part. Jason relates a story about when he and Amy were selling buttons (they sold antique buttons as a side business) in a gay neighborhood. He then mentions how her parents who were ‘more 1950s than 1990s’ came down to support Amy and were horrified by all the gay people. Then teased her about thinking they might want to go to a gay neighborhood... for the rest of her life. This is related as a cute and funny anecdote and the parents are said to be great and supportive parents. Please miss me with a fond remembrance of homophobia, thank you. Homophobia that you and your wife failed to call out for years but instead became a fun family joke. To make it worse, Jason then says this remembrance reminds him that Amy had an ‘infectious lust for life.’ Because being around gay people means somehow living more excitingly! Instead of just being... you know... another time you are around other humans. Gay people as an exoticized other used to make a straight woman seem more fun? That’s not a cute anecdote. That’s gross and objectifying and homophobic. Don’t publishers sensitivity edit?

[Traci Batson · Rating 2 out of 5]

It’s difficult to give a less-than-glowing review to a book about a man’s journey through the grief of losing his spouse and the mother of his children. That woman happens to be one of my favorite authors of all time- which makes it even more challenging.
But, I don’t recommend this book unless you are grieving yourself and perhaps looking for a kindred spirit.
I found myself thinking, far too often, “no marriage is this perfect.” And no human being is as perfect as he makes himself out to be. Most of the book reads like a cathartic exercise and a way to praise the people he admires and loves- and yet, for me, it only made me miss Amy and her wit and sense of humor more.
You should also be aware that he gets deep into his love for yoga, mysticism, etc. Yoga is great, but if you’re not into the “hippy-dippy” stuff, you’ll be rapidly flipping pages to skip this and find content you can connect with. Unfortunately, I never found that in this book, but i do appreciate his honest account of hospice and the devastating toll ovarian cancer takes on even the strongest of fighters.

[Karyl · Rating 2 out of 5]

I’ll start this review with a caveat: while I have lost someone very dear to me very unexpectedly, she was not my life partner or someone I spent every moment of 25+ years with. The grief of losing her was absolutely crushing, and still blindsides me at times, but I know it cannot compared with the grief of losing your spouse or your child or someone so very close to you.

While it was lovely to read about how much Rosenthal loves his wife, and how amazing his family is, especially his kids and his in-laws, it was a bit.... saccharine? I mean, most interpersonal relationships are a little messy at times, and he focuses solely on how well everyone got on together and how supportive they were of each other and what great things everyone had achieved throughout their lives. It’s so foreign to anything I’ve ever known that it was difficult for me to connect with Rosenthal.

I do applaud him hugely for pointing out that men do have emotions, and men should absolutely allow themselves to feel those emotions and express them in healthy ways. I agree that too often it seems as though men are told by society that they can’t cry or feel any kind of emotion, and it’s just not a healthy mindset.

Personally if you’re looking for a memoir dealing with death, I’d recommend Paul Kalanithi’s When Breath Becomes Air. I was really moved by that book.

[Jennie D · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really wanted to like this book. It is clear from their writing that both Amy and Jason deeply loved each other, and their family. There were a few lovely and moving parts, but overall this memoir is a long reflection on how amazing the author’s life has been—his perfect wife, his perfect marriage (up until the tragic death of his wife, albeit), his beautiful and perfect children, his amazing and perfect in-laws, his perfect mother who raised him perfectly in spite of the adversity she faced, his perfect extended family and friends, who where there and continue to be there for him and his family every step of the way, his perfect privileged life where they get to to take a month vacation every year to travel the world as a family and have amazing experiences together, his perfect dog, his perfect transformative experiences after the death of his wife...even his relationship with his father, the one part of his life that is clearly imperfect, is glossed over by reflections on how his relationship with his wife helped him navigate his father’s imperfections, and how a note from a random person from childhood helped him deliver the perfect eulogy at his father’s funeral. I kept waiting for there to be something more substantive, and while there were occasional glimpses, it really just never got there. Perhaps I am just a grouch who has a darker and more skeptical view of things and his life really WAS that perfect—in which case I am happy for him and everyone involved. But it didn’t make for a compelling memoir about moving through grief.

[radioparesh · Rating 2 out of 5]

وقتی صرفا از روی عنوان کتاب رو بخرید همین میشه:)) واقعا آمادگی این کتاب رو نداشتم داستان تاثیرگذاری بود اما خیلی ناراحت کننده بود، و برای الان مناسب نبود. کتاب برای کسانی که تجربه سوگ داشتن یا در حال سپری کردن این دوران سخت هستن میتونه کمی همدرد باشه.
تویسنده صرفا با هدف تعریف داستان زندگی و فوت همسرش کتاب رو نوشته و داستان زندگی واقعی هست.

[Kathryn in FL · Rating 3 out of 5]

Jason Rosenthal recounts a wonder life with his wife, Amy in this bittersweet tale. It is obvious that they shared an extraordinary marriage. It is a marriage that most would be both jealous and also aspire to experience. Both Jason and Amy seem like such kind and enthusiastic people. There is no doubt that those who know them value their interactions with both of these special people.

So, why the three star rating? It isn't the book per se, it is me. I can't really seem to connect to either people and the fairy tale portion of their life. They had the flexibility to travel to amazing places both alone as a couple and with their children. Since both had successful careers in their areas of their interests, which they had started from scratch, they had both the ability to schedule adventures across the globe and the funds to do so. Though Jason touches upon the pressures of making these choices and dealing with the problems that arose from putting clients on hold and even creating conflicts, it is such out of reach experiences that I can't relate to on a personal level.

I know the challenge of having a business, it is a 24/7 responsibility, you are always thinking of things that need to be done, the money inflow and outflow, so even if you can walk away when you need to, however, I didn't roll in the money, I eventually lost it due to injuries that a bad driver created for me and altered my life in a myriads of ways forever, (without any consequences to him). While some people in America have this kind of lifestyle, many do not. I don't envy them (well maybe a smidgen). This is the American Dream Realized.

Obviously, money doesn't solve all your problems. It didn't for the Rosenthals, after all Amy died in middle age after her struggles with cancer. I can't imagine how someone would cope after the person, who has been your soul mate is suddenly gone and the futures dreams with them have perplexingly vanished. How difficult the grief involved in this loss of the person that gets you and has been so deeply connected with you. How does one process this?

So, for the first 75 pages, I read a recounting of their goals, which they had set for their together while on their honeymoon. Then, how they were able to make these goals workable in everyday life. So, in a sense it was as much a guide to young people, who are starting out their married life partnership. I would recommend it as a Wedding Gift. However, as someone who isn't planning on marrying and has more cautionary tales to offer to young people than regaling them with tales of success. I just couldn't connect. I also expected more about the challenges they faced together and a little deeper dive on the emotional side of things based on comments from others after reading it. Jason was not required to share these points, I just found it a little to much of a "fairy tale" though I surely don't have the insights to make this claim, more I suspect this to be true...

I think many will enjoy and benefit from the story. I read that Jason and Paul Kalanithi's widow (
When Breath Becomes Air) were now a couple. I don't know if this is true but I hope so. They both sound like terrific individuals, who have suffered great loss.

[BookOfCinz · Rating 3 out of 5]

I fell in love with Modern Love, I loved all the stories about people falling in love. One of the stories in the collection that I thoroughly enjoyed was You May Want To Marry My Husband , it was a dying wife's attempt at finding her replacement. I remember reading that essay and have actual tears in my eyes- so sad.

Fast forward to 2020 I see that the husband of the now dead wife wrote a follow up book, of course I had to read it. In My Wife Said You May Want To Marry Me Jason Rosenthal talks about his life with Amy, how they met, got married, handled challenges, raising kids and how the death of his wife shook him to his core. He also spoke about the essay that went viral and how it affected his life. This is a book about grief and how Jason processed losing his wife in such a public way.

I liked getting to know more about Amy and what their life before her death was life. I did seem very fairytale-ish but who am I to judge. I loved hearing about the list of goals they had for their marriage, I think thats a big take away for me. Overall I was not as moved as I thought I was reading the book. I did like it for what it was, an ode to his wife.

[Violet · Rating 5 out of 5]

Many times I have picked up books I just simply cannot put down. Occasionally I will read a book that truly inspires me. Rarely do I find a book that touches me so deeply that it sticks with me long after I’ve soaked in the final word. I feel lucky to have found a book that checks all three boxes. “My Wife Said You May Want To Marry Me” checks each of these boxes, and so many more.

When my children were young they owned several Amy Krause Rosenthal books, our favorite being “Yes Day.” Beyond those children’s books, I knew nothing else about AKR, her life, or her family. That was until her essay, “You May Want To Marry My Husband”, was published in the The New York Times. I was one of the five million+ who read it, and one of the countless people whose heart absolutely broke upon hearing of her passing so soon afterward. When I saw that her husband was publishing a book I was intrigued and couldn’t wait to check it out. This book was so much more than I expected.

Usually as I read I am trying to get a clear picture of what the characters look like physically. Through Mr. Rosenthal’s words I was able to develop a clear picture of not just Amy’s appearance but also her light and love and her joyful energy. Their love story, the life they thoughtfully and purposefully planned for themselves and their children, and the joy they filled the lives of those around them with is both enviable and inspiring. Admittedly, I did favor the happy, love story tone of the first half of the book, to the more serious, somber second half. Even so, the author’s journey is not complete without both the good and the bad and I appreciated Mr. Rosenthal’s candid heartfelt words about his wife’s end of life journey. There were several times that my heart physically ached and I wept. I cannot imagine living through that, then writing down those intimate details and vulnerably sharing them with the world. His bravery and honesty are admirable. I really enjoyed the personal elements of the book such as the photographs, letters, art, quotes and song lyrics that were sprinkled throughout the book. 5/5 stars. A must read!
Thank you to Netgalley and HarperCollins for an advanced copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

[Laura · Rating 2 out of 5]

I hate to critique a book about such a devastating loss. He obviously wrote the story he needed to tell. I just found it to be dripping with privilege and blind spots... he really believes his wife and the family they raised are perfect, unassailable, a model family. He may be right, but how can the rest of us hope to follow that model when we can’t all afford to build our “dream house” in downtown Chicago (he must have used that phrase a dozen times) and take a month off every single year to vacation around the world with our kids? After his wife died, he found healing in showing up late to work and working less, then traveling more and seeing more live music. I think his experience will be completely unrelatable to anyone with concerns about medical bills, the necessity to work, the inability to afford private yoga instructors or fulfill self indulgent bucket list trips. It is his story and that’s fine. I just found it hard to connect with his life.

[Maureen Grigsby · Rating 4 out of 5]

A heartfelt book about love and grief. Jason Rosenthal lost his wife just as they were starting a new phase in their lives as empty nesters. Ten days before she died, Amy Rosenthal published an essay in The New York Times, titled “You May Want to Marry My Husband”. It was an ode to the lovely 26 years they had together, but it also made his grief more public at such a difficult time. This book is an homage to Amy and the difficulty of moving ahead when the person you love most has left you behind.

[Lettergirl · Rating 2 out of 5]

I’m sure Jason Rosenthal is a really nice guy. He sounds like a really nice guy. He’s also a thankful guy. He has lots of people to thank, and he thanks them often. But dude, your wife (a writer) wrote an essay, and you (a lawyer) answered with a book. What was your editor (whom you thanked) thinking? The narrative is undeveloped, leaping from cliche to folksy entitlement. I’m sure there’s a story in there somewhere. I read to the end (which is rare for me when I’m not feeling it) to honor AKR’s memory & my own memory of first reading her Encyclopedia 15-ish years ago. But yikes, what a mess.

[Mohsen M.B · Rating 2 out of 5]

اوایلش پرکشش بود، اما از اواسطش به‌شدت کند و زجردهنده شد و رهاش کردم.ـ

[Mary Kenney · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thought this was a beautiful tribute especially because I listened to it as an audiobook, and the author read it, which made it so much more personal. Hailey had recommended this to me but I did not realize until I started reading that it was about Amy Krouse Rosenthal (which should have been clear but I didn’t even read the authors name ok) who John Green (one of my favorite authors/celebrities/whathaveyou) has spoken so highly of. I thought that this book was a great balance of the heartbreaking realities of the losses that Jason Rosenthal has gone through while honoring the life of his late wife. All in all, you could just feel the love in his writing & I really enjoyed that.

[Brooke · Rating 2 out of 5]

I don’t want to give a memoir about love, loss, and grief a 2-star rating, but I can’t rate it any higher. I have no doubt that Jason and Amy had a happy, love-filled life together, but the way that Jason presented their relationship and their family was just too sugar-coated. Everything was perfect all the time. He even writes: "I know I’ve made this marriage and this family sound like a fantasy. Well, guess what – they pretty much were.” I just don’t buy it. Nobody’s life is perfect, no matter how privileged they are – and the Rosenthal’s are definitely privileged.

If Jason had of written about some of the struggles in their lives and acknowledged his privilege, it would have made for a more moving story. Jason suffered a terrible loss, but it is hard to empathize or learn from his grief when his healing journey included being financially stable enough to just stop going into work (because he wanted to do yoga or read instead), traveling, and attending lots of concerts. Even Amy’s illness is glossed over and the financial burden of a dying loved one was never discussed. Amy underwent an intensive nine-hour surgery, moved to Florida to undergo chemotherapy (because they were told that chemotherapy is better to be conducted in a warm climates) which left Jason to fly back and forth between Chicago and Florida weekly, was a patient at the best facilities, and had home hospice care. The loss of a spouse is devastating, but being able to afford the best possible treatment and end-of-life care is a privilege that many do not get.

Their privilege also shines through in earlier parts of the book where Jason discusses their marriage/family goals. They could afford to build their dream house, hire nannies and assistants, and to travel for one month every summer. They often travelled to less fortunate countries to engage in social service (such as building stoves in Guatemala), which is great, but the way that Jason writes about it reeks of privilege and white saviorism. Jason even states that "If you’ve never shared gratifying experiences like these with your children, I can’t recommend it strongly enough.” How out of touch with most people’s reality can you be? Another one of their goals was to eat only good, healthy food which they were able to do because they had the “backgrounds and education to raise [their] children knowing the importance of good nutrition,” unlike other people in Chicago who “don’t understand what healthy eating even means – parents who were never exposed to it in their lives or lived below the poverty line and thought they couldn’t afford it.” Come on.

The one person in his life who isn’t a perfect, brilliant individual was his late father, Arnie. The way Jason wrote about his father was honestly disgusting. Arnie had Parkinson’s disease and spent the last few years of his life in an assisted living facility. Jason writes that visiting his father was a chore, because his dad would use the time together to complain about the facility and would never ask Jason any questions about him or his family. Instead of trying to understand where Arnie was coming from (loss of autonomy, loss of identity, living with a progressive disease that can literally cause mental and behavioural changes), Jason would instead just remind his father that “he was beyond fortunate to live where he did at no cost to himself; that his sons were there financially if he needed anything; that his kids schlepped him to countless doctors’ visits…” Jason even complains about “the fact that [he] would not get anything in return” from his father. Welcome to the real world, Jason. Taking care of aging parents is riddled with challenges and being a caretaker is stressful and demanding, especially if you didn’t have a great relationship to begin with, but wow. I feel like this was the only section of the book where you see a bit of Jason’s true colours. The rest of the time he paints himself as a flawless, caring individual.

There are other things that bothered me in this book (such as Jason’s recommendations on how friends/family can support someone who is grieving, which just don’t make sense to me), but this review is getting rather long. The last thing I will say is that I don’t think Jason should have narrated the audiobook. Usually I think memoirs are best narrated by the author, but in this case, Jason’s inflections, rhythm, and emphasis on certain words was distracting and unprofessional.

There are tons of memoirs and books about love stories and grief out there, but this isn’t one that I would recommend.

[Sarah M. · Rating 1 out of 5]

Ok I feel sort of bad going on about how much I disliked a book that a man wrote about his dead wife, but there just wasn’t any actual substance to this memoir and honestly, red flag following red flag.

🚩 1 - the author, Jason and his entire family is the epitome of privilege. He discusses his “charity work in third world countries” and how being a landlord finally made him feel like people had “gratitude” for him. It’s p gross and most definitely allowed him to make his kids “world travelers” and essentially are therefore better than everyone else according to him. ALSO - he mentions how good they were about nutrition and mentions other families aren’t feeding their kids properly and they drink soda. It’s so grossly privileged and he clearly doesn’t get the fact that some parents legit cannot afford all the nutritional food he clearly was able to provide his family and that doesn’t make you a better person!!

🚩 2 - everyone about his relationships and family are seemingly perfect. There’s just zero way there were never arguments between members of the family including himself with his wife and his hyperfixation on making sure you know they were perfect makes their relationship feel less authentic. But at least I know several times over and over she was short!!!

🚩 3 - he quotes joe rogan (no explanation necessary).

🚩 4 - there’s literally no substance to this novel. He states facts and events in an extremely meandering way but I in no way really learned how he handled the death of his wife and moved on to this next stage of his life. He keeps saying he learned, and most of it was just acceptance we’re all gonna die at some stage, but that’s literally it. I just got nothing beyond this basic fact from him.

🚩 5 - HES IN LOVE WITH HIS FATHER IN LAW!! This may be a bit dramatic but he legit must use the word “patriarch” to describe this man so many times and clearly shows he’s got daddy issues and a weird fixation on men being the head of families and it’s just so cringe. The FIL seems horrible too, just one story expanding upon him being shocked and appalled his daughter hung out in a neighborhood with LBGTQ people.

But overall if you haven’t gotten the message yet, I did not like this and I think there’s so much better literature on the passing of loved ones!! Aka “We All Want Impossible Things” by Catherine Newman.

[Emma · Rating 2 out of 5]

It’s very clear from this book how special Amy Krause Rosenthal was and how much her family loved her. I kept wishing, though, for deeper reflection and a more specific and unpolished presentation of reality in this book. It seems like their family is strong, connected, and loving, but there were so many statements about how great people were that it felt like I wasn’t getting deep into what the family dynamics were really like. There’s also a level of privilege here that goes unexamined, and the attempts to examine it often fell short for me (e.g., remarking that low-SES people don’t “eat healthy” because they lack the privilege of education to know what food is healthy). I have no doubt there’s a beautiful love story and a beautiful family here, but I felt repeatedly that I was being told those things rather than being shown them.

[Scorpioseah · Rating 4 out of 5]

An inspiring memoir of life, loss and new beginnings. Grief is dynamic and unique, and everyone handle it differently. I believed we all have our own share of sadness especially when someone you loved passed away suddenly or after a long struggle of sickness. As what Jason said “grief is a complex and unforgiving beast” but we all have to learn to accept death as it is a part of life, don’t we?

[Jessica Walker · Rating 1 out of 5]

Was not at all what I expected, and I couldn't get myself past my first reading binge. I realized that I was forcing myself to continue reading- it wasn't pulling me in, engaging me, and adding to my life. I actually found it unrelatable and it almost felt like it was lacking in humility. It came off boastful and less emotional or sincere than I imagined it would be.

[Janssen · Rating 3 out of 5]

The first half was fantastic - the second half dragged a little for me.

[Farzaneh · Rating 2 out of 5]

جیسون رزنتال در این کتاب از غم و اندوهی می‌گوید که در نبود همسرش با آن دست و پنجه نرم می کند و از راه هایی که برای کنار آمدن با آن در پیش می گیرد.

از دید من دو ویژگی می توانند در میزان اثرگذاریِ چنین کتاب هایی نقش به سزایی داشتنه باشند: ۱- بیان صادقانه مسائل و ۲- توانمندی نویسنده در همراه کردن هر چه بیشتر خواننده با احساساتش. اما این ویژگی ها چندان در این کتاب به چشم نمی خورند، دست کم برای من.

قطعا نویسنده تجربه های بسیار ارزشمندی از رویارویی هایش با عشق، مرگ و جای خالی عزیزانش دارد اما قلم خوبی ندارد و نمیتواند من خواننده را چندان همراه کند شاید به این دلیل که بیشتر درگیر صحبت از خانواده ای است که مدام و در جای جای کتاب آن را کامل و عالی و فوق العاده توصیف می کند، عالی بودنی که خیلی کم پیش می آید در خود یا آشنایانت ببینی؛ در نتیجه تجربه هایش بیشتر و بیشتر دست نیافتنی می شوند و از نظر احساسی از خواننده دور می شود.
اگرچه آغاز کتاب گیرایی خوبی دارد اما هرچه جلوتر می رود ملالت بارتر می شود، انگار یک سری جمله مدام تکرار می شوند و این خسته کنندگی در بیست درصد پایانی کتاب به اوج می رسد. بنابراین برای من از آن کتاب هایی است که خواندنش را به هیچ کس توصیه نمیکنم

[Joe Rice · Rating 5 out of 5]

Modern love at its absolute best. A very moving story that is as heartwarming as it is heartwrenching. If you ever find yourself in a similar circumstance of intense loss, you may want to grieve along the lines so honestly and sensitively drawn here, always with family and always with a grateful, fervent lust for life.

[Morgan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not for the faint of heart.

[K · Rating 4 out of 5]

It won't let me give a 3.5. But that's my honest opinion. It is good, I enjoy reading it. But I couldn't get myself to cry about it. Crying would have made it a four. And an inability to put it down would have made it to five.

[Cindy Burnett (Thoughts from a Page) · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this to be a compelling and thought-provoking read. I enjoyed interviewing Jason for my podcast too: https://www.thoughtsfromapage.com/s1e26.

[Leigh Kramer · Rating 2 out of 5]

A fairly straightforward account of the death of Jason’s wife due to ovarian cancer. It’s more of an autobiography instead of a memoir, despite what the cover says. There’s value in people writing about their losses but that doesn't necessarily warrant a published book. This effort doesn’t stand out from other grief memoirs out there and I’m unsure about what we’re meant to take away from it. I have strong feelings about additions to the grief canon as a former hospice social worker and bereavement counselor who has experienced my own losses, albeit not a spouse. The author would have benefitted from waiting longer to write because his wife and marriage all come across as a little too perfect…or perhaps that’s just a byproduct of his privilege and he will never see his life clearly. It makes me wonder what type of book his wife, an author, would have written had things happened the other way around.

In fact, his wife is the reason he got a book deal at all. She wrote an essay for the NYT that went viral and it was basically a personal ad for him. Because of a column, there’s a movie deal in the works about Amy and their marriage and he got a Ted Talk as a result of that and now he goes around speaking about grief and end of life issues. Now I haven’t seen his Ted Talk but one would hope that the author’s book would give a good indication about what kind of speaker they are or what they bring to the table in the field. I’m only left with questions. I can think of several thanatology experts who could do amazing things from the Ted Talk stage or speaker circuit and yet they went with a white lawyer whose claim to fame is that his wife wrote a viral essay about him.

I had a fieldwork placement at a Chicago hospice and I was curious about which one they used and surprised the author didn’t name the hospice or even mention any of the team members who supported them. Perhaps this is an indication they didn’t have a great hospice experience, which would be an unfortunate exception to the rule. However, the author came across as a martyr in this section of the book and that makes me wonder how much they took advantage of what hospice has to offer. Especially since he kept referring to it as “home hospice” and emphasized the “indignities,” like his wife having a fistula, which was super ableist. If the author speaks about end of life issues, why wasn’t there more about what hospice offers? He includes excerpts from many letters he’s received from people who have been comforted by his talks and I’m glad they felt seen. However, I don’t feel great about him being the spokesperson for end of life issues or grief based on this book.

The author lost his wife, beloved pet dog, father (with whom there was a strained relationship), and father-in-law in a two year period. That is a lot of loss at once! I would have thought the purpose of this book would be to explore that grief. While he talks about crying and how hard things were, it all felt very detached. Despite the title implying that this will be about him finding love again, there’s barely a footnote of a chapter acknowledging he eventually started dating again and is in a relationship again but it’s either so new or tenuous that he doesn’t even give the person’s name. Another indicator to me that this book shouldn’t have been written for at least another 5-10 years, if at all.

CW: death of wife (ovarian cancer), cancer treatment (including hysterectomy), hospice, ableism (not countered), homophobia presented as amusing anecdote ( details here ), death of father (Parkinson’s), death of pet dog, death of father-in-law (lung cancer, brain metastases), panic attacks, insomnia, ableist language, hyperbolic language around suicide, parents divorced when he was 2

Disclosure: I received an advanced copy from Harper in exchange for an honest review.

[Hope · Rating 2 out of 5]

https://bound2books.co/2020/06/05/my-...

I wanted to like this book. I really did. As many of you know, I review and write a lot about grief here on Bound2Books so this memoir from Jason B. Rosenthal seemed like a no-brainer.

The problems I have with this memoir are too many to out way anything else really. Firstly, the subtle homophobia is just not okay. I don’t care if you’re wife died and you miss her dearly. You don’t get to make homophobic remarks. There really isn’t much more to say about that.

Secondly, the memoir sugar coats everything. You can tell the author is holding something back. Doesn’t want to reveal the truth. It makes me apathetic to story. I felt like I was about to read that birds dressed them every morning.

Now, you might be thinking that some people just have perfect love stories. Although, that was not this story. You can sense moments of tension and awkwardness throughout the book. Just look at how Rosenthal talks about the relationship he had with his father. He states that he will be there for his father financially, but rarely actually asks why his father is sad, lonely, or angry. I also get the impression that Rosenthal thinks his father should be grateful because he was put in a care facility. The fact that his father suffers from Parkinson’s disease, an illness known to affect moods causing anger, apathy, and anxiety is never discussed. Yet his father is described as exhibiting all those. I mean, if you hate your father, fine. But he can’t even say what he really thinks. Even this relationship is glossed over.

Lastly, the privilege. The yoga classes, the meditation classes, the fancy home in Chicago. The white savourism – we build stoves for poor Guatemalan people and they are so grateful! It is gross.

In the end, I finished this memoir out of frustration. And now that I have read it and reviewed it for you, I would suggest you don’t waste your time.

There are some amazing books about grief. Be sure to subscribe to my blog so you can keep up to date with all things bookish. What are you reading at the moment? As always, share the reading love.