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Great with Child: Letters to a Young Mother

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"May be the best book ever to give for a baby shower."― Tampa Tribune Beth Ann Fennelly, writing to a newly pregnant friend, goes beyond the nuts and bolts or sentimentality of other parenting literature, in letters that range in tone from serious to sisterly, from lighthearted to downright funny. Some answer specific questions; others muse about the identity shift a woman encounters when she enters Mommyland. This book invites all mothers to join the grand circle of giving and receiving advice about children.

224 pages, Paperback

First published April 17, 2006

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About the author

Beth Ann Fennelly

29 books206 followers
Beth Ann Fennelly is the author of Tender Hooks: Poems and Great with Child: Letters to a Young Mother . A professor of English at the University of Mississippi, Fennelly lives with her husband and children in Oxford, Mississippi.

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5 stars
797 (49%)
4 stars
561 (35%)
3 stars
187 (11%)
2 stars
44 (2%)
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6 (<1%)
Displaying 1 - 30 of 250 reviews
Profile Image for Gail.
1,300 reviews454 followers
August 6, 2012
What a beautiful, beautiful collection of letters this was! Reading it, I couldn't help but think two things: 1) We'd all be so lucky to have a poet for a friend, one who could pen us the most gorgeous sentences to look forward to in the mail such as these and 2) no one writes eloquent letters like this anymore, not in this Internet-driven, 140-character-favoring society we now live in.

What I loved most is how the letters between Beth Ann (a University of Mississippi English professor and mother of a toddler) and one of her former students, Kathleen (pregnant at the time the letters were written) were so moving and honest and, somehow, ever-so reassuring.

And while it's so easy for other parents to dole out advice to a mother-to-be with a side of cynicism or sarcasm, Beth Ann shies away from that — acknowledging the hardships of parenthood but letting her warm thoughts for what she's gained in becoming a mother overshadow all of the struggles that come with the role.

Case in point, this passage: "When sharing your news, you might come across some disgruntled parent-folk. You know, the kind who snort and say ruefully, "If there was anyplace you want to travel to, go now." Don't let them squelch your joy, dear K: these are the kind of people who never went anywhere *before* they had babies either."

And while I'm sharing, another gem I loved so much (among so many to be found in this slim collection): "The second thing I want to pass on is a piece of advice I need to take myself, which is this: Accept mediocrity. Be underwhelming. You can't do everything, so choose some things to sacrifice, and absolve yourself from guilt. It may be that you can raise a child and write a dissertation——but have the ugliest lawn on the block. And that's okay. Let someone else win "Lawn of the Month"——someone with a nanny.

Lastly, this book would make SUCH a wonderful gift for a mother-to-be (or a mama who's just had a baby and is feeling overwhelmed). I know for sure it's going to be my go-to gift for any future mamas in my life!
Profile Image for nicole.
2,231 reviews73 followers
May 25, 2014
Beautiful meditation on motherhood as told in letters from one poet to her former student.

This is exactly the sort of pregnancy book I’ve been looking for as an expectant mother. Fennelly gets it, the overwhelming nature of the fear and the dreams, but addresses it from the lovely vantage point of someone on the shore with one toe still dipped in. Her writing is so beautiful it made me consider picking up some of her poetry, even though I came to this book for the content rather than the style. I loved how she discussed her own experiences, her miscarriage, and her toddler’s delightful antics.

Pre-pregnancy I’d often hear the remark to read now, because when babies would come along there’s be no time. That always made me so sad, as reading is breathing for me – a stretch of time without it always leaves me feeling congested and muddled. I loved this advice so much: “How often I have chosen a book at random and found in it an answer I didn’t realize I was seeking. As if great books are vitamins that sense our deficiencies. Reading educates the emotions, and reading informs our decision making, for we learn through the experiences of others as well as our own. So reading is one of those things that seems selfish but, in the end, makes us better mothers.”
Profile Image for catharine.
120 reviews1 follower
May 22, 2012
This book is extremely sentimental. And I hate sentimentalism, especially about how children are magical to be around. I find books that focus on the "specialness" of being a mother to be trite and cloying, not to mention unrealistic.

But somehow, this one got through my thorny skeptical shell and was actually charming, heartfelt, and very satisfying to read.

Especially:
"You are a warrior. You are a warrior, and for your whole life your body has been warming up for this great fight. These last months have been consumed with training everything inside you, all of the hormones and the loosening of the joints have been in preparation for this, and you are ready. You know, more or less, the day, the place, of your battle, and you will meet it because you are destined for it, it is the greates challenge your body will ever know.
...
you have taken the loved part of your loved man deep inside and you ahve forged this creature from star-stuff and now you will battle to set it free. You are strong than you know. You will split open your body to free the tiny god who will be caught and held up like a hero. You are the hero. No one but you can do it.
...
Remember this when the contraction comes and your whole belly tightens like a shell about to be craked. All the muscles in your belly, muscles you don't remember having, will grow rigid and fused like the carapace of the ornate box turtle. After some moments, it will pass, your muscles unclench, and again your flesh will feel like a taut sail propelled by more wind than it can take without tearing, but still your flesh Then you know it won't be long until your ordinary, miraculous flesh, your warrior body will be victorious."
Profile Image for Rae Slabach.
33 reviews37 followers
September 24, 2024
Beautiful, funny, tender. I chuckled and cried my way through, having read this in my own tender first-few-months of motherhood with our long-awaited Fleurie. Beth Ann writes so poetically about the miraculous and mysterious gift of pregnancy, birth, and motherhood.
Profile Image for Matthew.
544 reviews4 followers
July 22, 2017
Whew, it's a relief to say this book of letters is amazing. Because there were so many ways it could have gone wrong: if it were too sappy I (perhaps because I'm male and am in so many ways disconnected from the emotions of motherhood) would have been bored, if it were too trivial (by simply relaying how she spent her day each day) I would have been reminded of how much I disliked Marianne Moore's book of letters, if were too 'academic' then it wouldn't have felt like a genuine exchange between two actual friends, and if it was too 'polite' then it would have made more sense to just read a straightforward textbook on how to handle pregnancy. Fortunately, the book was everything I was hoping it would be. It was smart, authentic, playful, warm, informational, fascinating. And you certainly don't have to be pregnant, or even female, to access the worth of each of these letters.

A couple other reviewers dropped their star rating because they called the author pretentious. Hmm, well that's tough to say having not seen the other side of the exchange. Perhaps the letters respond to K's questions more than we realize -- or perhaps the letters are somewhat edited(?) of more personal content? Either way I'm not too bothered -- clearly the student/younger woman was looking for the mentorship of someone wiser. If that ended up making it more of a monologue than a dialogue than so be it, what Fennelly shares is worth the read.
Profile Image for Sarah Wolfe Ellison.
269 reviews3 followers
April 5, 2025
I cannot recommend this book enough. It beautifully details the importance of friendship and support through pregnancy, but also that having healthy friendships supports a healthy life. Fennelly beautifully captures the nuances of pregnancy and motherhood in an honest and empathetic way. I felt so seen by reading this book.
Profile Image for Ashley.
351 reviews6 followers
March 1, 2021
This is the first book I bought, shortly after learning I was pregnant in October 2020, and I’ve been reading it slowly since then. This is a book to be savored, whose pages are to be cried over, laughed at, made afraid by, and lifted up in. Every word is a gift, and I’m grateful to have read them.

There are so many books thrown at pregnant people, all of them with directives and shoulds and things to worry over—“This is the proper way to swaddle a newborn, you should be eating leafy greens daily, your baby could have any number of malformations and illnesses but don’t worry about them because stress can also hurt the baby.” Great With Child felt like a book written purely for me, for a parent waiting on their child to grow inside them. It speaks to all my fears and deepest hopes with beautiful prose, poignant insights, and a truthful voice. I’ll read it over and over again.
Profile Image for Belle.
687 reviews85 followers
May 9, 2022
How serendipitous to find myself reading this on Mother’s Day. It was not planned in any way.

A great journal from one mother to another expectant mother in which the poet author compares birth and babies to poetry.

I find that a delicious and most satisfying comparison.
Profile Image for Lexie.
209 reviews4 followers
April 13, 2020
I love Beth Ann Fennelly's poetry. This collection of letters is informative, sweet, sincere, and very soothing. I loved it.
102 reviews4 followers
November 16, 2009
A collection of letters, in which a poet tells one of her former students what to expect about the wonders and joys (as well as pains and fears) of motherhood. While Fennelly does not quite manage her promised one-letter-a-day-for-nine-months, she does provide some beautiful insights -- ones that I too can appreciate, as an expectant father.

Letters that really stand out include ones about the poet's own dysfunctional family ("What is a virgin?" she asks her mother as a young girl, home from her first sex-ed class. "I don't know", answers her mother), and another about the birth-mother-as-warrior. Letters on the eroticism of breast-feeding, and the guilty pleasure of flirting when the husband and kid are not around, are others that stand out as much for their boldness as for their honesty.

On the minus side, Fennelly really takes herself very seriously, and this is part of what makes this a difficult book for me. "That is the doctor's explanation", she states in wrapping up a sensible section on the chemistry of birth pains, "now let me give you the poet's." (Oof, think I, I think I'll take the doctor's explanation, thanks very much.) And she begins most letters with the address "Dear one" (she is 33 and writing to a former student!)

I appreciate her wisdom -- and there is much of it in this book -- but there is a self-consciousness that I find uncomfortable, like we're intercepting a private conversation and she KNOWS it, and is even enjoying the performing. I would have found it far less uncomfortable if she had simply rewritten some of these letters in essay form -- at least then her motives would not be suspect. As is, when in the introduction she tells us how she "has allowed" her letters to be reprinted at the insistence of friends and other mothers-to-be, I can't help but roll my eyes and wonder whether publishing was her goal from the very start.
Profile Image for Sonya Feher.
167 reviews12 followers
July 9, 2008
I have a friend who is in the first trimester of her pregnancy. I wish I had written her these letters. Instead, I’ve ordered her Great with Child. Fennelly’s letters to a former student turned friend contain practical advice, poetic description, and an introspection that teems with the need to be honest with herself and her friend. It’s so easy to give “This is how I did it" instruction and that is not at all what this book does. Great with Child recognizes that parenthood is not one size fits all nor is it always joyful or easy. It also conveys how sacred a journey motherhood is while quoting parenting studies and great literature alike. In describing her first separation from her daughter after the delivery, Fennelly writes, “She was my second nature. I was plural, two heads, four arms, four legs, two hearts pumping blood through their eight chambers. Now she was outside of me and never would be inside of me again, would be spirited father and farther away from my body, already she’d been wheeled out of sight by the nurses, and my double heart was cleaved, cleaved and inadequate” (166). I like reading about motherhood from a woman who can write (and feel) like that.
Profile Image for Jacqueline.
128 reviews21 followers
March 12, 2014
**UPDATE: Just reread this for inspiration during my current pregnancy. Still really loved it.**

Maybe it's just because I'm pregnant, but I LOVED this book. The author is a poet, and the book is composed of letters she wrote to a younger friend (actually a former student of hers) who was pregnant and asked for advice on pregnancy and motherhood. Her poetic leanings come through in each letter as she frankly but lyrically writes about so many aspects of expecting and raising a baby. I underlined countless passages that were either too wise or too beautiful for me to feel okay with forgetting.

This would be a superb gift for anyone who loves literature and is pregnant or has a young child. I'm sure I'll be giving it a reread at some point in the near future.
Profile Image for Tracy Keck.
18 reviews2 followers
February 17, 2016
I received this book from a friend, and that feels like the only appropriate way to obtain this book--gifted from another woman. Now I can't wait to pass it on to the next soon-to-be-mama in my life. The letters from the author are equal parts amusing, moving, terrifying, and empowering. She offers the perfect balance of practical counsel and wise words of love. Countless passages led to me thinking, "That was just what I needed to hear." The perfect book to read during pregnancy, especially your first.
Profile Image for Sarah.
336 reviews
October 21, 2025
These essays were written in the months before and after the birth of the author’s third child (born in 1999 in Grand Rapids where the author is an English professor at Calvin College). Some of her sentiments really resonated with me and I found myself deeply moved at times, especially by the quotes I wrote down below.

That said, I had trouble with this book after I read on page 25 that she doesn’t “believe abortion is morally permissible.” It’s clearly because she is extremely religious and I guess she could still be pro choice for other women? She doesn’t say she is, though, so I am skeptical.

“The deep attentiveness of pregnancy, then the harrowing intensity of birth, then that surrender of the self to demands that press the boundaries of endurance and to a small person who, once here, will make any previous life seem possibly incomplete” (2)

“I began to think of a new baby as an escape. This would spare me the difficulty of fighting that daily battle to do my job well and prove to others that I could do it” (6)

“When I think of all the music I can’t play, all the books I can’t read, all the exercise I’m definitely not getting, I often drift towards self-pity and sometimes despair. I would never make a different choice. I never resent what I give to my children. But I do keenly feel the loss of what I give up” (9) (I actually don’t really feel this, but I thought I would)

“One study I read about found that women trying unsuccessfully to become pregnant have stress levels, registered in terms of anxiety and depression, equal to women with cancer, HIV, or heart disease. Even today, when women have abundant avenues to status, meaning, and fulfillment other than childbearing, barrenness still causes powerful feelings of inadequacy and isolation” (29)

“We need reminding, and this is especially true in our self indulgent culture, that if we foolishly imagine for a minute that parenthood is an accomplishment or achievement or right, sooner or later, something will smack us with the realization that it is, above all, a surrender” (41)

“When I am weak, then I relinquish the power and pleasure of pulling my weight, managing the household, doing my job, being an all-around capable person. When I am weak, then I have to depend on others, and they never do things quite the way I like them” (46)

“The real change is inside. A child changes the shape of your soul. No longer am I only myself; always, always this baby is on my mind, in my heart” (213)

“As I nursed him this morning, over and over in my sleepy mind, I managed a simple mantra: thank you thank you thank you. Thank you for this perfect baby, for this closeness, for this quiet moment, thank you thank you thank you” (231)

“There’s something about our small children that teaches us all over again how to love one another. They draw toward ideal love: fierce, tough, and elastic, fully particular, fully attentive to the individuality of the other” (268).

“What I want for my children, in my own imperfect, messy, distracted way, is that they flourish as individuals and delight in their world and connect deeply with others” (278).
Profile Image for Anne.
425 reviews21 followers
July 6, 2021
4.5⭐️ This book of letters of encouragement and advice from poet Beth Ann Fennelly to her younger friend who is expecting a first baby was wonderful to read during a first pregnancy. But I loved it even more on revisiting during a 2nd one because while I can still very much identify with the pregnant letter recipient looking for the community of womanhood and motherhood, at the same time I felt even more strongly along with the writer the wonder and strangeness and struggles and everything that she reflects on in her letters, having been through it myself now.
Profile Image for Shannon Hall.
465 reviews10 followers
August 7, 2023
These letters were so gorgeous, and as a new young mother myself, so many of them had me in my feelings. Can't wait to revisit in a few years, and then a few years after that as my own journey with motherhood continues to evolve.
Profile Image for Kat.
183 reviews1 follower
September 15, 2025
The most beautiful mediation on motherhood. Reading this aloud while nursing my newborn was an unforgettable literary experience. My ragged copy is now a prized possession; I will be gifting a copy of this gorgeous novel at every baby shower for the rest of my days.
Profile Image for Teresa Raetz.
76 reviews4 followers
January 24, 2012
This book gets a lot more stars than I gave it so obviously a lot people like it. And there are things in it to like. I was excited to read this book because I heard the author, a poet who teaches at the Ole Miss, on NPR's Fresh Air. She was funny, warm, and has written some great poetry. To bad this person wasn't always present in these letters. There are funny and warm moments full of insight about motherhood and you get those when the author relaxes and gets out of her own way. But unfortunately a lot of the letters are so pretentious and selfish that they made me want to throw the book across the room. I refuse to believe these are the actual, unedited letters she wrote to this young friend, ostensibly to give her advice during her pregnancy. If they are that, she is the most self-involved letter writer ever. She never asks this young, scared woman who is thousands of miles from family a single question about herself. There are several cringe-worthy moments -- the reference to how her husband's penis looks -- and so many others that seem to be written by someone trying to write the way she thinks a poet should write.
Profile Image for Mary.
728 reviews248 followers
April 6, 2019
A stunning reflection on pregnancy and motherhood that had me laughing and crying and underlining and imagining this life I’m currently growing in all of the ways. There were a few chapters that triggered some prenatal anxiety for me, but even with that caveat, I found it beautifully done and so worth the read. I’m glad to have spaced this one out over the last few months, and will likely pick it up to flip through again and again. And plan to pick up copies for all of the other expectant mamas in my life, as well!
Profile Image for Rachael.
87 reviews13 followers
September 24, 2011
absolutely gorgeous. Possibly my favorite mom-book. Beautiful language paired with an honest, hopeful outlook. Tastes of southern influence, sassy womanhood, joyful mothering, and straight up thoughtful writing.
Profile Image for Kate.
116 reviews6 followers
February 28, 2016
I really enjoyed this book as a way to ponder and consider the emotional side of pregnancy, and it read quickly and easily. Glad I read it!
Profile Image for Sarah.
564 reviews9 followers
February 18, 2021
So, I almost put this down and added it to my DNF list after the first 30 or so pages. I didn’t care for the tone and the terms of endearment; the writing just felt a little too flowery, stylized, and particular. But, I kept reading and am really glad I did. While I didn’t agree with everything and still found the style to be a little grating, what I really appreciated was the content. Fennelly, with a 3-year old in tow and trying to get pregnant again, wrote a series of letters to a friend who was pregnant and expecting her first child. The letters were a mix of advice, encouragement, reflection, and commentary on pregnancy and motherhood. In a purely sentimental way, I loved being reminded of my own experience. I’m sure Fennelly’s friend treasured these letters and found a lot of comfort in them as she prepped for her child. I’m glad to have spent a few hours of my life with them, too.
Profile Image for Megan.
2,764 reviews13 followers
April 7, 2023
Fennelly’s writing is beautiful. I wish I exchanged letters with a friend with such eloquence and poeticism. These would have been a treat to receive - especially as these two friends were practically at opposite ends of North America at the time. Even if you don’t agree with all of Fennelly’s ideas, it’s easy to appreciate her style of expressing them and her general kindness. I hold back from this book a little because it’s written by the mother of a toddler to a woman pregnant with her first child. At this moment, my children are 17 and 12.5. Pregnancy and toddlerhood are but the tip of the parenting iceberg, and are a decade or more in my past. So to see them elevated to the pinnacle of the experience - well, I get it; this is as far as the author had gone up to that point. But it spoke to an experience I remember as only a brief portion of my journey, and I know there’s so much more these women have to discover. What would Fennelly say about teens? In essence, this is a book about very early motherhood, not general motherhood.
Profile Image for Jill Thomas.
102 reviews1 follower
June 17, 2018
As busy moms, we NEED to be reminded to observe the poetry of motherhood... it's messy and stressy... but this book helped me refocus on the small-powerful, on the common-magical, on the moments that build into the biggest love one can have for another. Maybe the book waxes romantic at times, but that's a nice relief on days that can feel simple and boring, if not downright hard. Great read for any mom that loves being a mom.
Profile Image for Lindsay.
294 reviews12 followers
June 27, 2018
What a beautiful book and lovely reminder (to me, anyway) of the mysteriousness of pregnancy and new motherhood. I wish I had read it when I was pregnant to balance out all the advice books, that mothers are built for this—our warrior bodies and our fierce hearts—and that we are still deeply human. Instead, I’ll happily pass it along to my sister-in-law, newly pregnant and on her own journey of motherhood.
Profile Image for Meish.
144 reviews1 follower
September 21, 2017
A beautiful collection of letters that speak to pregnancy, motherhood, changing identity, and our hopes and fears on raising children. These letters are serious and lighthearted, contemplative and simply funny, nostalgic and hopeful. Of course, being written by a poet, these letters are just lovely to read. But loveliest of all is the warmth of friendship emanating throughout.
342 reviews3 followers
May 3, 2019
I totally agree with the reviewer who said she wishes she had a friend who wrote her these letters during her first pregnancy. That train has left the station a long time ago for me but I read this lovely correspondence with my daughter who is expecting her first child in mind. Since we are at a long distance from each other I feel as though I've experienced her pregnancy along with her. I discovered this author on a recent trip to Oxford, MS. where she lives and I'm so glad that I did. I bought it for my daughter as a present but feel privileged to have read it as a preview.
Profile Image for Emily.
242 reviews6 followers
July 10, 2019
A beautiful collection of letters from one mom to another about-to-be mom about the strange, challenging, and wonderful aspects of pregnancy and motherhood. As someone who's about to pop any day now, these letters felt particularly meaningful to read.
Profile Image for Colleen C.
233 reviews2 followers
August 3, 2021
A sweet collection of letters from one poet to another about pregnancy and motherhood. There were some great snippets of advice and perspective, but the language could feel a bit stilted at times.
Profile Image for Clancy.
113 reviews
February 16, 2022
I read this book in one day and can’t stop thinking about it. An impeccable read for any expecting mother. Beautiful, contemplative prose.
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