When God Writes Your Love Story: The Ultimate Guide to Guy/Girl Relationships

by Eric Ludy, Leslie Ludy

In their most popular book, bestselling authors Eric and Leslie Ludy challenge singles to take a fresh approach to relationships in a culture where love has been replaced by cheap sensual passion. When God Writes Your Love Story shows that God's way to true love brings fulfillment and romance in its purest, richest, and most satisfying form. This new edition includes an extra chapter from Leslie Ludy about the surprises of life after marriage!

“I had dreamed of a perfect love story for my entire life. But somewhere in the midst of the endless cycle of temporary romances, my dreams had shattered.” How can I find a love worth waiting for?

Lay the foundation now— whether you’ve met your future spouse or not—for a lifelong romance. Bestselling authors Eric and Leslie Ludy invite you to discover how beautiful your love story can be when the Author of romance scripts every detail.

Story Behind the Book

Eric and Leslie Ludy want to offer an exciting vision of hope, proving that the Author of romance is alive and well and that true and lasting love can become a reality. Using the “four secrets to an amazing love story,” Eric and Leslie present a Christ-centered approach to building a relationship that will stand the test of time.

Genres: Christian, Nonfiction, Relationships, Marriage, Christian Living, Christianity, Religion

304 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1994

About the author

Eric is a bestselling author, internationally-recognized speaker and president of Ellerslie Mission Society. He is also the senior pastor at the Church at Ellerslie and the lead instructor at Ellerslie Leadership Training in Windsor, Colorado. Ludy is the author of more than a dozen books, many of which were co-authored by his wife, Leslie Ludy. The Ludy's books have sold well over a million copies in the United States and have been translated into over a dozen different languages and circulated widely throughout the world.

Reviews

[elfsi · Rating 5 out of 5]

FAITHFULLY


Tonight i saw a shooting star,

Made me wonder where you are.

For years i have been dreaming of you,

And i wonder if you're thinking of me, too.


In this world of cheap romance

And love that only fades after the dance,

They say that i'm a fool to wait for something more.

How can i really love someone i've never seen before?


But i have longed for true love every day that i have lived,

And i know real love is all about learning how to give.

So i pray that God will bring you to me,

And i pray you'll find me waiting faithfully.


Faithfully, i am yours

From now until forever.

Faithfully, i will write,

Write you a love song with my life.

'Cause this kind love's worth waiting for

No matter how long it takes.

I am yours

Faithfully.


Tonight i saw two lovers kiss,

Reminded me of my own loneliness.

They say that i'm a fool to keep on praying for you.

How can i give up pleasure for a dream that won't come true?


But i will keep believing that God still has a plan.

And though i cannot see you now, i know that He can,

And someday i will give you all of me.

Until i find you, i'll be waiting faithfully.

[Donna Ledesma · Rating 5 out of 5]

i just got more excited with the pursuit of marriage. and not only that, but i am more enthusiastic with singleness now. i am young, 17 years old, had a sorrowful past with relationships. until i was enlightened by the Lover of my soul. along with I Kissed Dating Goodbye (Joshua Harris) and Let Me Be A Woman (Elizabeth Elliot), this book has given me so much inspiration on waiting for God's chosen one, and has given me so much motivation on living my single status for the Lord and surrendering it all to Him. i don't know how exactly it happened, but books like this are not just books. they are a life-transforming testimony of the power of God and how the Holy Spirit goes into every area of our lives to make it joyful and be a living testimony of Christ.

Eric and Leslie Ludy, i am very thankful that God uses them to inspire and enlighten us.

[Arcyllin Arcilla · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am not really a fan of romantic stories as my tolerance for cheesy stuff is not that high, that is, for movies and books alike. For so long, I have avoided reading this book because of its title. But I did finally pick the book up and got struck by the cliche "Don't judge the book by its cover" (or title, perhaps).

When God Writes Your Love story isn't your typical mushy, cheesy Christian book about love and romantic things. It is the most honest and relevant book I've ever read because it does not deny the human struggles on love and relationships and at the same time, it doesn't teach an already desperate person to compromise or lower down his or her standards.

The love topic is indeed a gray area and maybe what this book presents is just one of the many takes people have on the matter. However, what I like most about this book is how the authors, Eric and Leslie Ludy, draws out from their own God-written love stories and inspire people to wait on God, give Him full trust, and eagerly expect for something beyond one's imagination. More than a love story, it is really a book about living the higher way. I highly recommend this to single people needing wisdom on this area and even to students for a mindset worth developing.

[Laura · Rating 3 out of 5]

Up until a few months ago, I gave this book a 5 star rating and would have recommended it to anyone that crossed my path. However, God has taken me on a journey and my views have changed drastically.

Read this article:
http://theartinlife.wordpress.com/201...

Instead of this book, I would HIGHLY, HIGHLY recommend Gary Thomas's The Sacred Search, and also would recommend Jason and Crystalina Evert's How To Find Your Soul mate Without Losing Your Soul and Dannah Gresh's Get Lost.

[Sheila Gregoire · Rating 2 out of 5]

Initially when I read this book I liked it.

However, after conducting a survey of 20,000 Christian women, and looking into what has hurt their marriages and sex lives, I have completely changed my opinion of the way we talk about marriage and sex--especially the purity culture.

We used illustrations from this book in our book The Great Sex Rescue, specifically two instances where they talked about how young women who had had sex before marriage had lost their most precious treasure and were now tainted. In one particularly difficult anecdote, they talked about a couple who had had sex, but only SHE had lost her treasure. They didn't comment on him. We found that particularly problematic.

I recommend reading Rachel Joy Welcher's book Talking Back to Purity Culture as well to see the problems in this book.

[Melissa · Rating 1 out of 5]

i bought this when i was a freshman in college (you know how that is... all wide eyed and bushy tailed away from home and independent at a christian college, feeling inspired by crap that looks like this, chose merely by the cover), never touched it. so now, 8 years later, figured i'd give it a shot, against all that looks ew about it. but as it turns out, i'm 26 and a self-thinking educated individual who's fairly liberal, which apparently isn't the right combination for this book's appeal. it would have been pretty good when i was 12 though. maybe.

[Terri Lynn · Rating 1 out of 5]

Someone gave this and a couple of other books to me to give to my 19 year old daughter. This puzzled me as I am an Atheist, my daughter is an Atheist, and she is no virgin anymore than I was at 19 and she is in no way interested in marriage. She has a lot of goals and is pursuing them. After the cursing died down (she was not amused), I couldn't help but sit down and read through this thing. Ah, another glimpse into what Mitt Romney and the Republican Christian Taliban would like to be reality for girls and women right in my hot little hands.

Actually, I needed a good laugh at the time (the car was in the shop with expensive work being done) and I got it here. Is this the Dark Ages or Ancient Times or what?

Let's sort through this hilarious stuff bit by bit, shall we? First of all- you are supposed to be carrying on a love affair with Jesus. There was no historical Jesus (I am an historian) so the first piece of advice is that young women need to revert to their preschool years and have an imaginary friend who orders them around. Young men and women are strongly urged to let sexist, homophobic men who lived thousands of years ago dictate their present day 21st century lives and standards. Why not just decide for yourself what kind of life you would like to live and what sort of person would be interested in sharing that life?

Second, you should not date anyone except the person you are going to marry. This means you won't be doing any dating. Somehow just spending some fun time with another is some sort of relationship masturbation and of course those ancient guys were not too fun-loving and disapprove of someone masturbating because the female will not get knocked up that way and might enjoy orgasms. I was enjoying orgasms before I was 5 as was my own daughter who discovered her little joy stick early on. Sorry ancient guys. At any rate, they don't think you should date unless you think you imagine a god is whispering to you that this is the one. Now, personally I advise people who think they hear imaginary characters out of old fairytales whispering to them to get thee to a psychiatrist and keep taking those meds. Listening to voices caused the death of John Lennon and nearly took out President Reagan. But the Ludys think you should listen and obey.

Third, the Ludys think girls should guard their virginity like it is the crown jewels so you can give it as a "gift" to your husband. Girls, unless he is some kind of weirdo, a man LOVES a woman who knows her business. Most don't care for fumbling in the dark and making you hurt and bleed. Just saying. I started having sex in my teens and my husband did too (only not with each other) and we are madly and passionately in love and have had a wonderful marriage for years. We each know the other had plenty of sex before we got together and it is a non-issue.

The idea of an imaginary character writing your love story is bizarre but the rest of the books this lady gave me is equally so. I don't recommend this at all. Instead, go out and get to know a variety of people through common interests and activities. If you click, get to know each other even more. If you both want sex, go for it. In the end, write your own love story together.

[Jennifer · Rating 1 out of 5]

Note: This book is not for everyone! I would *not* recommend it to young teenagers, but I *would* recommend parents reading it before letting their children read it.
Let me start off by saying, I absolutely love the Ludy's ministry, what they stand for, and their other books and podcasts. This book, however, disappointed me.
There are way too many mentions of specific sexual thoughts and actions than what I feel there should be in a Christian book about waiting for the the Lord to bring you your future spouse. I agree wholeheartedly with the entire principle, but there is way too much detail and description of what NOT to do while waiting, what SPECIFIC actions are NOT honoring to your future spouse.
I realize these things do go on in the world, especially in schools, but I feel like this book could have been written more discretely. Those who participate in such things would understand, while those blessedly naive to these things would be able to maintain purity of mind while still being encouraged to let God have control of their love stories. I really feel this book educates teens who are blind to such matters way beyond what is needed to teach about physical purity.
I was honestly sad to have to put this book away, because I was actually gleaning from it. I just didn't feel it was worth weeding through the garbage to reap the benefits.

[MAP · Rating 1 out of 5]

I guess this book might be good if you meet the man you're going to marry at 14 or so, and get married at 18, like Leslie Ludy did. However, if you're anywhere past middle school, this book is just cheesy and really, pretty useless.

I read this as a freshman in college, hoping for something uplifting during my difficult transition, but it just made me angry, upset and "behind" for not being freaking engaged at 18. Glad I snapped out of that funk and realized what I was really reacting to and how absurd it was.

[Jodi · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book to be very inspirational in my life. After dating and dating and dating, I have become very frustrated with the type of "men" out there. This book gives good insight into what to look for in a good and potentially "lasting" relationship. Since reading, I have decided that I am done looking and if I'm meant to be in a relationship, it will come when it's supposed to.

[Caitlin Miller · Rating 5 out of 5]

So good!

Every person needs to read this book—so good, so applicable, so truth-filled! An absolutely God-honoring approach to singleness, dating, and marriage. 🙌🏻

[Deanna Bock]

I forget how I stumbled upon this book, but I’m glad I did. Great insights about how to honor your (potential) future spouse long before you even meet them, how to be faithful and hopeful in singleness, and ultimately how to give God the pen to write your love story. I really appreciated the heavy emphasis on family- how they impact our approaches to relationships, and how we can honor our families and live out holiness in our households. They painted a beautiful picture of what Christ-centered family can look like and the role it can/should play in preparing for marriage.

They definitely lean on the side of “if you desire marriage then it’s for you,” but I wouldn’t say they give unrealistic expectations. There is plenty of focus on singleness, whether short or long term, and I think they gave good perspective. It’s definitely written for younger generations, single or dating, but I think whatever your status, there is probably something to be gained from this book. Ultimately, they highlight the beauty in being the bride of Christ very well.

Their approach is optimistic, full of truth, and even a touch poetic. Would recommend!

[Elizabeth Dragina · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book you guys. 🤩

It's so inspiring and encouraging. I love how it constantly points you back to Christ and how He should be the center of your life. Without God you cannot sing the "sweeter song".

While a lot of their beliefs aren't new to me I was really encouraged to keep giving God the pen.

I highly recommend for young people. >.<

[Megan · Rating 3 out of 5]

One of the better Christian dating/relationship books I've read. The principles espoused by the Ludys are Biblical and solid. I appreciated the reminder that single, dating, or married, the most important relationship in our lives should be with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Large sections of this book were more about the Christian walk than Christian dating, which might frustrate some, but I actually thought was very appropriate.

My biggest hang-up about this book was the emphasis put on the concept of "saving your heart for your future spouse", which judging from the anecdotes told translates to "only date your future husband/wife." It's sounds great. Personally, it would be awesome to be able to one day say that I'd only ever dated/kissed/been in love with my husband. But...life doesn't always work that way, not even Christian lives. I was put very much in mind of the anecdote the amazing Rock and Bev Bottomly related during one of the conferences I got to hear them speak at: how one of their sons had made a pledge very similar to what the Ludys advocate here, then believed he had heard from God that a certain girl was the one he was to marry...and had his heart utterly shattered when the relationship broke up. Additionally, the Ludys give next to no guidelines for figuring out if a person IS your future spouse, further making me uneasy.

Ultimately, the main thing I chose to take away from the book is no romantic relationship can take the place of a relationship with the Lord. The book references the "Cool Runnings" quote: "If you're not enough without it, you'll never be enough with it." Basically, you should be a whole and complete person in the Lord, single or not. And if you're not, no relationship is going to fix that. I think that's definitely a message that should be spread more in our too-often marriage-obsessed Christian culture.

[Rebekah · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a very good book. I highly recommend it to all my single friends. This couple answered a lot of questions I had regarding my relationships with guys my age and how to be friends with them while still keeping my heart and thoughts pure. During the time I spent within the pages, I feel I also grew closer to God, and was both encouraged and inspired in my walk with Him as well as my relationships with my siblings, parents, and Christian friends.
Mr. and Mrs. Ludy did such a good job advising singles and answering the trickiest questions we might have in this book. Definitely one I will not only read myself, but also a book I'm going to loan to my friends and family.

Because of mature issues addressed, I would say this is a 16/17+ book. However, if you're younger and dealing with relationship stuff (which you should probably put on hold for like...five to seven years or so anyways) ask your parents or older sibling to read it and have them decide whether it's something you might benefit from reading.

[Andrea Cox · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a book! Great advice and wisdom to learn. Purity is more than just a word. I enjoyed seeing the personal stories that brought the lifestyle of purity to life on the pages of this book. Must-read for everyone thinking about entering into a romantic relationship.

[Janet]

Review: When God Writes Your Love Story

Summary:
Join Eric and Leslie Ludy as they teach readers how to follow God’s Way in this world’s shaky dating scene.

Thoughts: When God Writes Your Love Story, is an amazing book. I applaud the authors for their gentle directness and understanding on the subject of breakups and heartaches that occur after a failed love-life. I also like how they encourage readers to delve deeper in their relationship with the Lord and pursue Him first before anyone else.

The Ludy’s state and I believe also, that the only way to ever find the one true love God made for you, and only you, is to first fall in love with Him and stop dating around for the right guy/girl. Out there, somewhere God has made a special someone for each and every one of us; I’m sure we definitely don’t want to miss out on loving them because we are with the wrong person. By drawing nearer to the Lord, the authors say we will be preparing ourselves for an extraordinary romance that will “outlive the fairy tales.”

Special Features:
I was very interested in the chapter on singleness. It is true that sometimes people are meant to be single for a short(or long) time or maybe forever. The Ludy’s consider the “singleness period” to be a season in which you can draw nearer to the Lord and serve Him even more diligently than ever before. They use Paul, who was unmarried, as an example of this season.

Throughout the book, little stories, quotes, and bible verses are included to paraphrase the chapters’ lessons. At the end of each chapter are questions designed for the reader to contemplate over and answer. In the back of the book, is a quick 12 page section called Relationship Q&A, that answers the basic questions that anyone is curious about. An example is “6. There is someone in my life I’m interested in romantically. What should I do?” The answers are quite lovely, although I don’t think a lot of people will agree with some of them.

Pros:
Personally, I really enjoyed this book. I have never dated in my life and I wholly agree on the concept of keeping myself pure for my future husband. Dating is a strain enough, I have witnessed its pain in others and don’t want to experience the ups and downs of man-hunting. I’ll let God take care of all of that! In the meanwhile, I will continue to grow in my love for Jesus just as God and the Ludy‘s advise.

Cons:
Cons? There are no cons…This book is a blast!

Recommendation:
I find this book to be a great read for all who are searching for answers to some of the most difficult questions about love and God’s view on the subject. That means even people who are in a relationship can look into this great book, as well as parents. It doesn’t matter how old you are or how young, the knowledge in this book should not be overlooked.

***** 5 out of 5 stars.

Guest Writer, Fawn Carter. 8/30/09

[Honeypie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Obviously.

At this age and time in my life, this book couldn't possibly get any rating lower than 5 stars.

This is a worn-out story. I've heard of this several times, but being the brat that I was, I never planned on reading it.

Until a friend recommended this to me.

I know the feeling of recommending a book. I can only do that, if I really, really (really!) enjoyed reading the book, and believe that other people can benefit from it. I know my friend and I are similar in ways, so I think that we have more or less the same reasons for recommending books.

And I LOVE THIS.

I wouldn't think that I would love this in the same way, if I read this a few years back. But I think that one needs to achieve a certain stage in life to be able to appreciate what the book says.

It's not even about age. This book was published in 1999, and I can still totally relate to it.

Several friends have read it years back, and they can still relate to it.

Parang Bible lang nga talaga, indeed.

What I like the most about it, is that it applies to several "kinds" of people. Be it the very conservative Christian, or the prodigal one, or even the one who seems to "have it all". I like how it tackles how one person ought to be with oneself, and how one ought to be with their family, and specifically parents. I can totally relate in the latter one, and I was even surprised that it had a topic about it. I mean, this book is supposed to be about my love life. What does God and my relationship with my family have to do with it?

Maganda. Definitely worth recommending. Rereading. Sharing.

[Dewi · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is very very wonderfull. Full blessed by this book. I would give 100 stars if there is any.
It brought me to have an intimate relationship with my GOD, Jesus Christ. I felt that the Holy Spirit really working on through me while i was reading it. It brought me closer and closer to the Heart of My Lord GOD, Jesus Christ. That's true that Jesus Christ is only the One who can fulfill and satisfied our women's feminim longing soul about true love. HE and only HE alone the One who can satisfied our soul. HE and HE alone the One who loves us unconditionally. His love is pure, so tender, sweet, satisfying and unconditional. His desire is always to bring us closer to Him everyday. His desire for us is we knew, understand, feel and accept His unconditional love. His will is we live in Him and He lives within us. His will is always the goodness for our live. He wants us to understand that He has a beautiful plan for our life now and in the future. He never ever wants us to live in misery rather than always depend on Him in every circumstances in our live. He wants us to know that, so that He can begin the new chapter of our live. Praise be to GOD who created the True Love Story and it's true that nowadays there is still True Love Story for you and for me, for all who want to put his/her trust and lives only in HIM, The Creator of The True Love itself. Praise the Lord also for the life of the writer Eric and Leslie Ludy. Blessed be the people who put his/her trust in the Lord. AMEN

[Mark · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is likely good for someone who is a teenager. For someone who has more life experience much of this book will seem a bit trite and juvenile: feeling lonely for months or waiting for find someone a few years? That's life, it's not a big deal unless you are a teen or young adult. The emphasis on following after God, and letting God direct our lives is an important. I fear though, that the book sets some unrealistic expectations. The book seems to say people who follow God's calling will find great romance. I know numerous examples of people who followed hard after the Lord, who let the Lord write their lives with His pen, who desired a spouse and never found someone, or where it took decades. Sometimes we endure hard things in this life for other people's benefit, sometimes God has something else for us. We might not have one special person to share life's journey with. That's not to say we will be alone, thank God for the Body of Christ. While romantic, I was a bit troubled by the idea of living for your future spouse, writing letters, etc. Rather, I see our calling to live in in the present with our future hope being in the Lord. For all my negative comments, I would say this book is a 3 stars for someone younger, but more like a 1 for someone with significant life experience. For more mature folks, I would recommend Dating and Waiting by Bill Risk.

[Katie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am so thrilled that someone else thinks like me. I mean, I know of a couple people who do but just the views of the importance of saving yourself for your future spouse and trusting God are pretty radical these days. So it was awesome to see that other people think like this.

The Ludy's make a very good point in saying that truly, you're already married. This goes a long with a verse in Proverbs 31 that I've had on my mind (sorry, can't think of the exact reference) that says 'she does him (her husband) good ALL THAT DAYS of her life'. Something else that was really cool is that they also said, 'Your future spouse is out there, breathing, alive.'

They also stress the importance of not just waiting around for your spouse to come (like Sarah Mally does in her book). While you are blessed with this gift of singleness, you need to be developing habits and skills that will benefit your future marriage and family.

I think I'm going to read this again. It seems like the kind of book you can't just read once.

[Eunice M · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was pretty good. I bought it when I was fifteen and expected some kind of cheesy love story and what not. I was disappointed, in a good way.

Some people say this book is pretentious, others say it's only for the young ones, there are those who say the time has passed for them to pick up this book, read it, and live it.

See this is the point that I got from the book: It's not about us, it's not about what we want for ourselves, it's literally giving the pen to God and saying "Do what YOU want with my love story Lord."
I mean, after all, aren't we created by Him and for Him? Why exclude our love life from that?

I'm seventeen now, in college and people ask me why I don't jump at the chance of flirting with guys, and partying or having a 'fling' and what not, and I always refer this book to them. Some understand, some think it's complete bull. Nevertheless, this book has made a huge impact in my life. Thank you Ed & Leslie.

[lyd · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF

I don't really agree with this book. These authors may have found each other through not dating, but I don't think dating is bad.

[Frankthe · Rating 4 out of 5]

God really used this book to help me be good with being single, even though the book only has one chapter on singleness which really was not a good chapter on singleness at all. The book is really just what letting go of any control in your romantic life and giving it to God. This is something every Christian should learn before they even consider dating. Now the book was really good as it just helped you to give God control of your romantic life. Now Eric and his wife, Leslie, write the book together, some chapters are from Eric others are from Leslie, and I personally think this is nice for most of the book. At the beginning it seems that Leslie is only writing to women which would be fine if the book was only for women but it is also for men, and as a man I found it strange writing some of her early chapters. However, as the book went on her chapters became equally focused on both men and women. Eric's chapters were great except he included something I did not like and did not agree with at all in some of his chapters. Eric said that when he was single and lonely he use to write letters to his future wife. As romantic as that seems I view it as NOT letting God write your love story. Eric's time would have been better spent writing letters to God instead of his future wife which he did not even knew existed at the time. God could have called Eric to singleness as far as he knew at the time he wrote those letters.

Well besides those things I thought the book was great and would recommend the book to any Christian struggling with letting God write their love story, or any Christian that thinks they can write their own love story without God. God used this book and others to help me give my romantic life to God. I pray that God will also use this book or something else to do the same with you.

[Lois · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very excellent advice in here for singles. I'm not part of the targeted audience as I've been married for 20 years, but I look back on my pre-marriage years, and wish I'd had this book to read. It is not a formula for finding a mate. They (Eric and Leslie Ludy) stress having a goal bigger than marriage, becoming complete in Christ, so you can use your single years productively. With humor and honesty they take turns with the chapters and sections, to relate their own stories.

The only short-coming (I hesitate to call it that) is the mature believer, who already has developed self-control, and not a slave to their raging hormones, may find this a bit idealistic. For instance, when each of them reached the point in their life where they were going to stop dating and wait for the Lord, they were mere teen-agers. They were very young when they married each other. I wasn't married until I was 32, and honestly I was "fulfilled" as a single person. In reality, I was resigned to the strong possibility I would never marry. But I certainly didn't "guard my heart" to close out any Christian guy who came my way.

Overall, I strongly recommend this book for anyone who desires to have someday, a marriage made in heaven.

[Sarai · Rating 1 out of 5]

When God writes your love story was good but not real helpful if you were already in a marriage or relationship Basically after reading this book I learned one thing and that is I'm no pure enough b/c I was already married and now I am not good enough for a future husband.
Good news though God will forgive me but my future husband might not. NOw don't get me wrong it had some good points like using my singleness to draw closer to God and be a better Christian
However, I do think that had I picked this book up as a teenager I might have A)saved myself a divorce and B) that my future husband would've been blessed had I not gotten married to the wrong man first. Needless to say this was a mixed review for me.

[Brigette · Rating 5 out of 5]

AHHHHHHH. (my genuine reaction to finishing this book) i love the testimonies and scripture tied into each chapter, and the dual perspective. this book is seriously so beautiful and encouraging. i loved reading it for so many reasons

[R.L. Stollar · Rating 1 out of 5]

The Ludys’ book, marketed as "The Ultimate Approach to Guy/Girl Relationships," claims to be "for anyone searching for the beauty of true and lasting love, for romance in its purest form, and is willing to do whatever it takes in order to find it." Unfortunately, it contains highly damaging ideas about consent, sexual abuse, and virginity. These are seen most clearly in one of the final chapters of the book, entitled "Too Late?", where Leslie Ludy discusses "sexual sin" and "moral compromise" — in other words, "lost virginity."

There are two issues I want to highlight from this chapter about lost virginity: The first is the story Leslie tells about a 12-year-old girl named Rebecca. Leslie says that Rebecca — again, a 12-year-old — was lured by a 16-year-old boy from a church youth group into his house one day. Leslie says that Rebecca "left as a used and defiled sex toy" and was "forced from childhood into womanhood."

From Leslie’s description alone, Rebecca’s story reads as a straightforward account of a 12-year-old girl being raped. The words "used" and "forced" indicate a lack of consent. Yet Leslie puts Rebecca’s story in the same chapter as stories of willing sexual encounters of individuals who chose to have sex before marriage. All these stories are then discussed as "sexual sin" and "moral compromise." At no point does Leslie identify Rebecca’s story as a story of child sexual abuse, sexual assault, and/or rape — and at no point does Leslie then relate it to the importance of children and teenagers learning sexual consent and safety. The message to young women reading this would be and has been clear: you being "forced from childhood into womanhood" is you sexually sinning, even if you were "forced."

The second issue I want to highlight from Leslie’s chapter on "lost virginity" is how accounts of losing virginity are described. Leslie describes a number of young women’s first sexual encounters in the following ways: Karly, for example, "made the mistake of giving [her boyfriend] her most precious gift— her virginity, but now he was distant and cold towards her. She was full of guilt." An unnamed 25-year-old from Australia is described as saying she had "given away the most precious thing I had—my purity. There’s nothing left of my treasure... Now I have nothing to offer my husband."

While Leslie does state that God can "forgive" each of these women for their sexual impurity and "can give us a 'second virginity,' spiritually speaking," at no point does she question whether a young woman’s virginity (or "purity") is "the most precious thing" one has. At no point does she question whether virginity is "the most precious gift" one can give one’s husband. The Ludys, in fact, endorse this idea — hence the importance of God granting a spiritual "second virginity."

The Ludys are not alone in fixating on a person’s virginity as all-important. Another essential reading on relationships for homeschool teenagers was (and continues to be) Elisabeth Elliot’s "Passion and Purity." While Elliot’s book is more contemplative than the Ludys and focuses on Elliot’s personal story of her relationship with her late husband Jim Elliot, Elisabeth states upfront that her book "is, to be blunt, a book about virginity."

The message that homeschool students and alumni have received from books such as these is pretty clear: that if you are not "pure" (in other words, if you are not a "virgin"), then you no longer have "your most precious gift" that you can give your spouse. I want to take issue with this because I believe that not only is it a damaging message, I also believe that it is an unbiblical message. Marriage is a covenant of love: individuals deciding to commit and give themselves to one another, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. And the greatest gift within the context of marriage is not one’s "purity" or "virginity" but one’s self.

[Lynn · Rating 3 out of 5]

The main ideas of this book are really awesome and have helped me understand so much why I need to take relationships seriously if I want a God-centered (and God-WRITTEN) "love story". I'm glad that they touched on every angle of why maintaining purity before a marriage-bound relationship is so important. I felt like although the entire book was the definition of corny and reeked of "real situations" that were clearly made up for the purpose of the book, it really made me want to put God as my number one love and continue to be patient and wait for Him to bring me the one when He wants to (which I guess was the point of the book, so good job, Ludys!). Although some of their opinions are a bit conservative (as you can tell by the cover), the entirety of our relationships with others come down to one thing: our relationship with God. And that's different for everyone!

Some good quotes:

"Faithfulness is a discipline that is refined and honed through years of practice. Over time it becomes a habit."

"Singleness is a time to seek Him with an undivided, undistracted heart."

"As women, we are designed to give ourselves - emotionally and physically - to one man. And there is a deep need inside of us to be loved and cherished for a lifetime by the man to whom we give that gift."

"To experience a God-written love story, our standards for what we are seeking in a relationship cannot be determined by our culture. Our standards should be radically higher than the rest of the world. Not that we are going to be perfect or have a perfect relationship, but we should be aiming our arrow at the right target - applying the very nature and character of Jesus Christ in our attitude toward the opposite sex."

"Our goal as followers of Christ should be to pattern our own inward character after his example in how we relate to the opposite sex, and to wait for someone who is governed by His very nature and character in how they relate to us."

[Jenee · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was prepared to give this book 4 stars, but then I read the relationship q&a at the end.

At the end of the book Eric Ludy advises that women should not pursue relationships with men because it "dulls" and "robs" them of their "masculine strength," which would in turn lead to a lackluster relationship because women are meant to "wait patiently" for the man to initiate the relationship because it is their "place". And really, as I read that my jaw hit the floor. What kind of sexist nonsense is that, that a woman could potentially "ruin" a relationship for simply being honest about her feelings before the man is? When I read things like that, I can't support the book anymore because it endorses a sexist agenda where women are meant to wait for men, be protected by men, and to be a "prize" for men to win, as opposed to actively participating in a mutually beneficial relationship.

The entire segment objectified women and I was absolutely disgusted by it.

But other than that, apart from taking a lengthy amount of time to motivate myself to get through this book, it held little chunks of wisdom inside of it's deeply deeply conservative confines. This book is outrageously conservative, even more conservative than I am. And I'm pretty conservative. So there's that I found myself having to wade through.

But things I liked. Handing the pen of your life over to God when you try to control your life too much. Brilliant. Keeping in mind honoring your future spouse with every thought, word, or action as you would want your spouse to honor you. Great. And I love the idea of writing letters to a spouse that can be given later. So cute.

Other than that, the book endorses living a God-centric life, which is always good. And I just wish that the last q&a didn't nearly ruin the whole thing for me. Because of it I probably won't read any other books written by Eric or Leslie.