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Absolute Unit
“Action-packed, gory, and hilarious. I loved it!”—Michelle GarzaAbsolute Unit is a dark carnival ride through the underside of the American Dream, where hustlers and parasites fight to survive against gun-toting furries, sarcastic drug kingpins, old ladies who are startlingly good with knives, and angry ex-girlfriends. It’s a hardboiled slice of modern American horror that asks the deepest question of Is the human race worth saving?Bill is a nobody, a health inspector who’s not above taking a few dollars to overlook a restaurant’s mouse problem, and hated by nearly everyone except his long-suffering girlfriend. His nephew, Trent, isn’t much sexually and morally confused, he’s probably the worst teenage con artist on the East Coast. But today, these two losers are going to become the most important people in the world.That’s because Bill and Trent harbor a sentient parasite with a sarcastic sense of humor and a ravenous appetite. As the parasite figures out how to control its new human hosts, the focus of its desires grows from delicious cheeseburgers and beer to something much darker and more dangerous.The apocalypse might come from within us…“[This] bizarro crime horror story is a friggin’ blast, packed chock full of comedy, outrageousness, and violence.”—Michael Patrick Hicks, author of The ResurrectionistsProudly represented by Crystal Lake Publishing—Tales from the Darkest Depths.
146 pages, Kindle Edition
Published July 29, 2021
5 people are currently reading
77 people want to read
About the author
Nick Kolakowski
65 books119 followersNick Kolakowski is the author of several horror and crime novels, including “Absolute Unit” (Crystal Lake Publishing) and “Where the Bones Lie” (Datura Books). His short stories and nonfiction essays have appeared in various anthologies and magazines, including House of Gamut, Mystery Magazine, Shotgun Honey, Rock & A Hard Place, and (upcoming) Best American Mystery & Suspense 2024. He lives and writes in New York City.
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Displaying 1 - 28 of 28 reviews
July 15, 2021
Attempting a ‘hip’ review for the younger readers out there.
”A good host these days
are hard to find.”
#whathappenedtoFeargalSharkey
I know what you are thinking right now...
#noyoudont
And you are wrong. From the blurb I was thinking this might be something like the movie OSMOSIS JONES, only with a parasite instead of a white blood cell. I can honestly say this one went in a very different direction.
#BillMurrayisatreasure
Do you know the definition of a parasite?
According to Oxford:
an organism that lives in or on an organism of another species (its host) and benefits by deriving nutrients at the other’s expense.
There are synonyms like bloodsucker, freeloader, sponge, etc.
According to life experience:
Politician
What I don’t see much of in the different dictionaries is a sympathetic viewpoint for the parasite itself – it is just doing what needs to be done to survive, you know? And, let us not forget, it is important for their own survival to keep the host alive as well.
#dontbeahater
With that in mind, you can’t help but to feel some sympathy for the parasite who ended up in Bill...who is not a nice or healthy person. But there is hope, in the form of his nephew, Trent. At least, that’s what it looks like, until the violence begins.
#allwearesayingisgivepeaceachance
There is a lot of wit in this one, along with some tense situations and, um, unusual sex? Will Trent’s ex-girlfriend, Carrie, be able to get him through the day alive? Will a gun fight between drug dealers and Furries turn you on?
#toeachtheirown
I had a lot of fun with this book and thought it was well written. I also had two very profound thoughts when I finished it.
The first – and I have to give perspective here, so bear with me – is about ‘The Talk’ between father and son.
I grew up in a very conservative country at a very conservative time. The word “sex” was not used in our house...at all. So, when my father decided I was old enough, he gave me a book, told me to read it and come ask him if I had any questions. That was the extent of our “Talk”.
As I got older and the shackles came off, I decided I will handle it differently. Have an open relationship with my son, prepare him for life. As I finished this story, I broke out in a sweat because I have absolutely no idea how I will handle it if my son has to ask me the difference between Zoophilia and Xylophilia. So, if you know about a good book out there that covers a lot of unusual sex stuff, please give me the name so I can order it!
The second is much deeper: Could this story be some kind of metaphor, a lesson to learn, perhaps?
After much deliberation, I decided that, yes, I can find a deeper meaning for what the parasite represents;
Krispy Kreme will ruin donuts for you!
You see, I don’t live in one of those bustling cities where there is a Krispy Kreme. When I was on vacation, I discovered the place and bought a few (dozen). Now I am back and I can’t stand the oily, old, disgusting crap I used to eat. All of a sudden, they are not soft enough, or fluffy enough, or fresh enough, or sweet enough, or...ENOUGH!
Damn you, Krispy Kreme, with your delicious menu...much like a parasite, I wish our paths never crossed!
I need to have a lie-down...
This book is lots of fun and does have a few scares, but I would suggest you read it for entertainment value rather than the horror aspect.
My thanks to Crystal Lake Publishing for this ARC.
*Originally reviewed at IndieMuse
* https://www.myindiemuse.com/author/mo...
”A good host these days
are hard to find.”
#whathappenedtoFeargalSharkey
I know what you are thinking right now...
#noyoudont
And you are wrong. From the blurb I was thinking this might be something like the movie OSMOSIS JONES, only with a parasite instead of a white blood cell. I can honestly say this one went in a very different direction.
#BillMurrayisatreasure
Do you know the definition of a parasite?
According to Oxford:
an organism that lives in or on an organism of another species (its host) and benefits by deriving nutrients at the other’s expense.
There are synonyms like bloodsucker, freeloader, sponge, etc.
According to life experience:
Politician
What I don’t see much of in the different dictionaries is a sympathetic viewpoint for the parasite itself – it is just doing what needs to be done to survive, you know? And, let us not forget, it is important for their own survival to keep the host alive as well.
#dontbeahater
With that in mind, you can’t help but to feel some sympathy for the parasite who ended up in Bill...who is not a nice or healthy person. But there is hope, in the form of his nephew, Trent. At least, that’s what it looks like, until the violence begins.
#allwearesayingisgivepeaceachance
There is a lot of wit in this one, along with some tense situations and, um, unusual sex? Will Trent’s ex-girlfriend, Carrie, be able to get him through the day alive? Will a gun fight between drug dealers and Furries turn you on?
#toeachtheirown
I had a lot of fun with this book and thought it was well written. I also had two very profound thoughts when I finished it.
The first – and I have to give perspective here, so bear with me – is about ‘The Talk’ between father and son.
I grew up in a very conservative country at a very conservative time. The word “sex” was not used in our house...at all. So, when my father decided I was old enough, he gave me a book, told me to read it and come ask him if I had any questions. That was the extent of our “Talk”.
As I got older and the shackles came off, I decided I will handle it differently. Have an open relationship with my son, prepare him for life. As I finished this story, I broke out in a sweat because I have absolutely no idea how I will handle it if my son has to ask me the difference between Zoophilia and Xylophilia. So, if you know about a good book out there that covers a lot of unusual sex stuff, please give me the name so I can order it!
The second is much deeper: Could this story be some kind of metaphor, a lesson to learn, perhaps?
After much deliberation, I decided that, yes, I can find a deeper meaning for what the parasite represents;
Krispy Kreme will ruin donuts for you!
You see, I don’t live in one of those bustling cities where there is a Krispy Kreme. When I was on vacation, I discovered the place and bought a few (dozen). Now I am back and I can’t stand the oily, old, disgusting crap I used to eat. All of a sudden, they are not soft enough, or fluffy enough, or fresh enough, or sweet enough, or...ENOUGH!
Damn you, Krispy Kreme, with your delicious menu...much like a parasite, I wish our paths never crossed!
I need to have a lie-down...
This book is lots of fun and does have a few scares, but I would suggest you read it for entertainment value rather than the horror aspect.
My thanks to Crystal Lake Publishing for this ARC.
*Originally reviewed at IndieMuse
* https://www.myindiemuse.com/author/mo...
July 3, 2021
Meet Bill. He’s lazy, he’s unlikeable, he’s a good-for-nothing drunk and he’s not even that great in bed. There is nothing special about Bill.
Well, that’s not quite true. Bill has a parasite.
This isn’t your normal, run of the mill, vomit-inducing parasite. This is a fast-talking, fun-loving, beer hungry parasite, and one that has been entirely reliant on Bill to survive. Up until now. Now he’s changed bodies, and life has gotten a whole lot more interesting.
Cue the gunfights, car chases, drug deals gone bad, knife-wielding pensioners, mob bosses and furries with machine guns. All this before things get REALLY crazy.
Absolute Unit, the latest novella from prolific thriller writer Nick Kolakowski, takes the basic concept of a thriller, dials up the body horror, and puts a blackly comedic twist on the whole thing, the end result being uniquely entertaining and gleefully bonkers.
Reading this book, the closest comparison that comes to mind is Jeff Strand. It has the same dark sense of humour and blistering pacing, making it incredibly readable and hard to put down. This may seem like a lazy comparison (Strand has already tackled the admittedly niche ‘talking parasite buddy horror comedy’ genre with the also excellent ‘Benjamin’s Parasite) but the comparison also stretches to pacing and style, whilst also offering what is, in my opinion, a glowing recommendation. Any comparison to Jeff Strand results in an automatic purchase in my book.
When it comes to horror-comedies, it is a difficult balance to strike but strike it Kolakowski does. It is funny without being overtly jokey or farcical, and has strong and memorable horror elements but avoids making them the focus. What really makes ‘Absolute Unit’ stand out is the characters (and yes, I am including the parasite in that statement). All of the characters are flawed in some way, but some are immensely likeable while others are a lot of fun to hate.
The book starts off fairly low key, introducing us to our freeloading narrator as he describes a mundane day in the life of his current host, Bill. Bill has an unusually action-filled day at work and this sets of a chain of events that escalate things gradually, until you find yourself in a high-speed chase in a delivery car with pizza boxes filled with drugs in the back, being chased by an angry drug lord and two heavily armed people in animal costumes. It’s such a well-paced book that you don’t quite appreciate how wacky things have gotten until you take a step back and think to yourself, “Wow. That sure escalated”.
In fact, I enjoyed the build-up so much, that the ending ended up disappointing me to some extent. This is purely down to personal preference, as the way the story wraps up is interesting, action-packed, unexpected, and totally fits with what has come before. It just isn’t the way I wanted things to go. Without spoiling things, a lot of what I liked about Absolute Unit, particularly the repartee between certain characters, takes a necessary backseat to allow the ending to play out. It was great to be surprised, but I couldn’t help but wish things had gone a little differently.
Absolute Unit is an absolute blast. Kolakowski has crafted something genuinely exceptional and completely entertaining. It may be a little odd, but it is a lot of fun and I can’t imagine any horror fan, no matter what your personal genre preference may be, not having a great time with this book. I can safely say that if you only intend to read one book starring a sarcastic parasite this year, I highly recommend making it this one.
This review was initially written for and published by Horroroasis.com
Check out their site for horror book and movie reviews, articles, giveaways and more.
Well, that’s not quite true. Bill has a parasite.
This isn’t your normal, run of the mill, vomit-inducing parasite. This is a fast-talking, fun-loving, beer hungry parasite, and one that has been entirely reliant on Bill to survive. Up until now. Now he’s changed bodies, and life has gotten a whole lot more interesting.
Cue the gunfights, car chases, drug deals gone bad, knife-wielding pensioners, mob bosses and furries with machine guns. All this before things get REALLY crazy.
Absolute Unit, the latest novella from prolific thriller writer Nick Kolakowski, takes the basic concept of a thriller, dials up the body horror, and puts a blackly comedic twist on the whole thing, the end result being uniquely entertaining and gleefully bonkers.
Reading this book, the closest comparison that comes to mind is Jeff Strand. It has the same dark sense of humour and blistering pacing, making it incredibly readable and hard to put down. This may seem like a lazy comparison (Strand has already tackled the admittedly niche ‘talking parasite buddy horror comedy’ genre with the also excellent ‘Benjamin’s Parasite) but the comparison also stretches to pacing and style, whilst also offering what is, in my opinion, a glowing recommendation. Any comparison to Jeff Strand results in an automatic purchase in my book.
When it comes to horror-comedies, it is a difficult balance to strike but strike it Kolakowski does. It is funny without being overtly jokey or farcical, and has strong and memorable horror elements but avoids making them the focus. What really makes ‘Absolute Unit’ stand out is the characters (and yes, I am including the parasite in that statement). All of the characters are flawed in some way, but some are immensely likeable while others are a lot of fun to hate.
The book starts off fairly low key, introducing us to our freeloading narrator as he describes a mundane day in the life of his current host, Bill. Bill has an unusually action-filled day at work and this sets of a chain of events that escalate things gradually, until you find yourself in a high-speed chase in a delivery car with pizza boxes filled with drugs in the back, being chased by an angry drug lord and two heavily armed people in animal costumes. It’s such a well-paced book that you don’t quite appreciate how wacky things have gotten until you take a step back and think to yourself, “Wow. That sure escalated”.
In fact, I enjoyed the build-up so much, that the ending ended up disappointing me to some extent. This is purely down to personal preference, as the way the story wraps up is interesting, action-packed, unexpected, and totally fits with what has come before. It just isn’t the way I wanted things to go. Without spoiling things, a lot of what I liked about Absolute Unit, particularly the repartee between certain characters, takes a necessary backseat to allow the ending to play out. It was great to be surprised, but I couldn’t help but wish things had gone a little differently.
Absolute Unit is an absolute blast. Kolakowski has crafted something genuinely exceptional and completely entertaining. It may be a little odd, but it is a lot of fun and I can’t imagine any horror fan, no matter what your personal genre preference may be, not having a great time with this book. I can safely say that if you only intend to read one book starring a sarcastic parasite this year, I highly recommend making it this one.
This review was initially written for and published by Horroroasis.com
Check out their site for horror book and movie reviews, articles, giveaways and more.
June 23, 2021
Action packed, gory, and hilarious. I loved it!
June 26, 2021
When Trent woke up his biggest aspiration for the day was learning the art of the shakedown from his corrupt health inspector uncle. He didn’t expect to run afoul of drug dealers or killer cops. And he sure as hell didn’t think he’d end up infected by a mutant, psychic parasite that can hijack his nervous system.
Safe to say, Trent is having a day.
Safe to say, too, that Nick Kolakowski’s novella, Absolute Unit, is a helluva ride. This fucked-up bizarro crime horror story is a friggin’ blast, packed chock full of comedy, outrageousness, and violence in fairly equal measure. And just to add that extra zing of WTFery, it’s narrated in first-person POV from the parasite’s highly attuned and keen perspective, which is arguably a far more interesting viewpoint than clueless, hapless Trent who speaks largely in the interrogative.
Admittedly, Trent is in way over his head and is rightfully confused by all the zaniness happening around him. Kolakowski keeps things moving fast, delivering one odd, shocking development after the next, with subtle hints of this story’s larger impact boiling in the background. Readers may feel just as off-balance as Trent given all the hairy, and positively nuts, scenarios he careens his way through like a drunken pinball. Kolakowski barely gives his characters, let alone his readers, a chance to breathe, delivering an outlandish rapid-fire, railgun narrative that has to be read to be believed.
Safe to say, Trent is having a day.
Safe to say, too, that Nick Kolakowski’s novella, Absolute Unit, is a helluva ride. This fucked-up bizarro crime horror story is a friggin’ blast, packed chock full of comedy, outrageousness, and violence in fairly equal measure. And just to add that extra zing of WTFery, it’s narrated in first-person POV from the parasite’s highly attuned and keen perspective, which is arguably a far more interesting viewpoint than clueless, hapless Trent who speaks largely in the interrogative.
Admittedly, Trent is in way over his head and is rightfully confused by all the zaniness happening around him. Kolakowski keeps things moving fast, delivering one odd, shocking development after the next, with subtle hints of this story’s larger impact boiling in the background. Readers may feel just as off-balance as Trent given all the hairy, and positively nuts, scenarios he careens his way through like a drunken pinball. Kolakowski barely gives his characters, let alone his readers, a chance to breathe, delivering an outlandish rapid-fire, railgun narrative that has to be read to be believed.
June 8, 2021
This wasn’t a typical genre selection for me. I kind of tend to lean toward psychological scares and this was advertised as bodyhorror, but so glad to have taken a chance on it because it turned out hugely entertaining. Yes, bodyhorror, technically, but with potent darkly comedic undertones, this tale of…well, a possession of sorts, was positively oodles, tendrils and oodles of fun.
Much like Dexter had his dark passenger, the characters in this book, first a dishonest low level bureaucrat and then his young nephew, have their own, a wry manipulative presence that provides the often hilarious narrative as it inhabits their clumsy peoplebodies. It’s dark and gets darker thematically, because, let’s face it, no intelligent organism would accept people to be a pinnacle of evolution. But all done in a determinately wacky and wackily energetic way that make this read a real stand out.
It seems I’ve read the author’s short fiction before in one of this (very excellent) publisher’s anthologies and I can’t remember my opinion of him then, but this certainly makes an impression. A positive one. Fresh, original, darkly humorous, this body ride is sure to entertain genre fans. Recommended. Many thanks to the publisher for providing a free copy for review purposes.
Much like Dexter had his dark passenger, the characters in this book, first a dishonest low level bureaucrat and then his young nephew, have their own, a wry manipulative presence that provides the often hilarious narrative as it inhabits their clumsy peoplebodies. It’s dark and gets darker thematically, because, let’s face it, no intelligent organism would accept people to be a pinnacle of evolution. But all done in a determinately wacky and wackily energetic way that make this read a real stand out.
It seems I’ve read the author’s short fiction before in one of this (very excellent) publisher’s anthologies and I can’t remember my opinion of him then, but this certainly makes an impression. A positive one. Fresh, original, darkly humorous, this body ride is sure to entertain genre fans. Recommended. Many thanks to the publisher for providing a free copy for review purposes.
November 13, 2021
A solid read overall. Wasn't what I was expecting from the cover but I still enjoyed it!
August 6, 2021
A disgusting health inspector with an affinity for drugs and shady deals has picked up a parasite. Nick Kolakowski takes readers on a ride with the parasite at the helm; navigating this world through the eyes and bodies of humans. Absolute Unit is equal parts crime, bizarro horror, and humor; it is sure to appeal to a variety of readers.
You can read Tracy's full review at Horror DNA by clicking here.
You can read Tracy's full review at Horror DNA by clicking here.
July 27, 2021
The nitty-gritty: Gritty action, a unique narrator and lots of humor make this an absurdly fun-to-read novella.
Absolute Unit was a fun, fast-paced mashup of horror, sci-fi and gritty thriller, and I had a blast reading it.
Bill is an out of shape, overweight health inspector who makes money on the side collecting payoffs for overlooking health violations at restaurants. He’s not the brightest bulb in the box, but he is unique in one way: Bill has an otherworldly, intelligent parasite living inside him, and it wants to control Bill in every way. Unfortunately, it hasn’t been successful yet, and so it has no choice but to ride along wherever Bill goes, waiting for its chance to take over.
One day Bill’s seventeen year old nephew Trent shows up, eager to go along with Bill and watch him in action, hoping Bill will take him on as a partner in his illicit blackmail scheme. But the two inadvertently get caught up in a drug deal gone bad, and Bill is gravely injured during a car chase. The parasite realizes Bill might not make it, so it decides to jump over into Trent’s body instead.
Trent is much younger and healthier than Bill, and the parasite can’t believe its luck. With a host like this, the possibilities are endless.
What really makes this story unique is the narrator. And no, it’s not Bill or Trent. The parasite is telling the story, and wow is it funny! The voice is so sarcastic, and it clearly doesn’t think much of the human race, especially Bill:
“Born with a nubby penis and a tendency toward obesity, the meat computer in his skull loaded with buggy software, it’s a miracle that Bill made it this far.”
There are so many hysterical moments like this, as our judgmental parasite just happens to have an opinion on everything. I also liked watching it try to gain more control over Bill and Trent, which made me wonder why it was having so much trouble at first. The parasite observes (and is caught in the middle of) all the action as well, and again we get a colorful play-by-play that really made the story a lot of fun.
I loved Kolakowski’s unsavory characters and setting, and the action is so over-the-top, but in a good way. Often I have trouble with action that goes off the rails, but in this case it worked. The author sets his tone from the first page and carries it through to the end, and this consistency is exactly what I look for in stories like this.
I did want to know more about the parasite, though. We’re only given the bare minimum of information about where it came from, and nothing really at all about what it is. How does it speak English? Is it alien? Or something more supernatural in nature? There’s a little bit of a zombie vibe near the end, which put more of a horror spin on the whole thing.
But overall, I had a blast with Absolute Unit. Nick Kolakowski is such a good writer, and I loved his sense of humor. I’m looking forward to his next book!
Big thanks to the publisher for providing a review copy.
Absolute Unit was a fun, fast-paced mashup of horror, sci-fi and gritty thriller, and I had a blast reading it.
Bill is an out of shape, overweight health inspector who makes money on the side collecting payoffs for overlooking health violations at restaurants. He’s not the brightest bulb in the box, but he is unique in one way: Bill has an otherworldly, intelligent parasite living inside him, and it wants to control Bill in every way. Unfortunately, it hasn’t been successful yet, and so it has no choice but to ride along wherever Bill goes, waiting for its chance to take over.
One day Bill’s seventeen year old nephew Trent shows up, eager to go along with Bill and watch him in action, hoping Bill will take him on as a partner in his illicit blackmail scheme. But the two inadvertently get caught up in a drug deal gone bad, and Bill is gravely injured during a car chase. The parasite realizes Bill might not make it, so it decides to jump over into Trent’s body instead.
Trent is much younger and healthier than Bill, and the parasite can’t believe its luck. With a host like this, the possibilities are endless.
What really makes this story unique is the narrator. And no, it’s not Bill or Trent. The parasite is telling the story, and wow is it funny! The voice is so sarcastic, and it clearly doesn’t think much of the human race, especially Bill:
“Born with a nubby penis and a tendency toward obesity, the meat computer in his skull loaded with buggy software, it’s a miracle that Bill made it this far.”
There are so many hysterical moments like this, as our judgmental parasite just happens to have an opinion on everything. I also liked watching it try to gain more control over Bill and Trent, which made me wonder why it was having so much trouble at first. The parasite observes (and is caught in the middle of) all the action as well, and again we get a colorful play-by-play that really made the story a lot of fun.
I loved Kolakowski’s unsavory characters and setting, and the action is so over-the-top, but in a good way. Often I have trouble with action that goes off the rails, but in this case it worked. The author sets his tone from the first page and carries it through to the end, and this consistency is exactly what I look for in stories like this.
I did want to know more about the parasite, though. We’re only given the bare minimum of information about where it came from, and nothing really at all about what it is. How does it speak English? Is it alien? Or something more supernatural in nature? There’s a little bit of a zombie vibe near the end, which put more of a horror spin on the whole thing.
But overall, I had a blast with Absolute Unit. Nick Kolakowski is such a good writer, and I loved his sense of humor. I’m looking forward to his next book!
Big thanks to the publisher for providing a review copy.
October 7, 2021
‘Yes, our future spreads before us, bright and pure….Our one regret is a small one: that we didn’t realize our potential from the very beginning. . .’
ABSOLUTE UNIT by Nick Kolakowski is a unique ride that still has me tripping on the bizarre, funny, and heartbreaking content within; however, part of me—by stories end—feels like this fast-paced narrative needed more meat in the center to create the informative whole eager readers may be thirsting for.
I LOVE the perspective narration Kolakowski chose for this book, which was perfect!
Go into this one without reading the synopsis, Dear Readers, if you can avoid it.
Thank you, Crystal Lake Publishing, for providing me with an eBook of ABSOLUTE UNIT at the request of an honest review.
ABSOLUTE UNIT by Nick Kolakowski is a unique ride that still has me tripping on the bizarre, funny, and heartbreaking content within; however, part of me—by stories end—feels like this fast-paced narrative needed more meat in the center to create the informative whole eager readers may be thirsting for.
I LOVE the perspective narration Kolakowski chose for this book, which was perfect!
Go into this one without reading the synopsis, Dear Readers, if you can avoid it.
Thank you, Crystal Lake Publishing, for providing me with an eBook of ABSOLUTE UNIT at the request of an honest review.
July 28, 2021
Had the privilege of reading an early copy of this and man--Kowlakowski's done it again. One part BRAIN DAMAGE, one part UPGRADE, with a little TRUE ROMANCE sprinkled in for good measure, it's a grand mixture of horror, crime and comedy. One of those books were I don't want to get too specific, because it's really something you need to experience for yourself, but suffice it to say there's plenty of action, some inventive set pieces, and liberal doses of humor. The narrative zips along, propelled by Kolakowski's voice. Unless you absolutely hate fun, you'll dig this book, I promise.
August 5, 2021
Absolute Unit is a kick in the groin to all those who hold “traditional values” dear. It is the American nightmare made flesh with all the hidden seediness and sordid behavior of a rotten and decayed culture placed front and center for your reading pleasure. No taboo is over looked - or if it is I don't want to know about it. Add to that mix a nasty sense of humor and you have a hit of a book.
This is not a novella for pearl clutchers, the faint of heart, or those who get all offended very easily. It’s a nasty, dirty read, and I couldn’t put it down.
This is not a novella for pearl clutchers, the faint of heart, or those who get all offended very easily. It’s a nasty, dirty read, and I couldn’t put it down.
December 24, 2022
A fun ride ending with the end of the world as we know it? Possibly. But I think you should find out for yourself. It starts will Bill, ends with Bill, but in the middle we have Trent, each man carrying a unique passenger attempting to survive things themselves. A day in the life then ensues, and as I might have already said, fun is had. Kolakowski crafting a quick, propulsive gem that I will recommend. Go forth, seek out, purchase and enjoy. Tell 'em another lover of dopamine drops sent you.
July 26, 2022
I can’t believe I didn’t update this but if you read the book narrative, yeah it’s a sentient parasite deciding what’s what and then needing to save itself because it pick a horrible host. Funny and terrifying, this author can you make you laugh and give you nightmares at the same time. I alway highly recommend every story by him to be read immediately. Enjoy!
August 10, 2021
Nick Kolakowski’s new novella, Absolute Unit, starts with a bang. Bill is a corrupt health inspector who likes to drink, do drugs, have sex with his coworker in the office closet, and accept bribes from restaurants. He is also inhabited by a parasite, and what sucks you into the story immediately is the parasite inside Bill is the one telling the story. On a day when Bill is taking his nephew, Trent, with him to work, showing him how he makes his extra money by shaking down restaurants for better inspection ratings, the novella turns into a crime caper. Bill meets his corrupt cop friend, and of course things do not go as planned.
Part pulp crime story, part kaiju horror novella, Absolute Unit really has a lot of different elements. I love the beginning of this story. I love Bill and his wildness. I think the opening of this book is one of my favorites, to the point where I bought a few copies for my friends so that they could read it with me. The first half really is something amazing. The second half did not do it for me. The story switches directions so many times that the end does not even resemble the beginning. And I know that this is how books usually are, but the story seemed to lose steam and the special things that sucked me right into the story were long gone by the end.
I enjoyed the first half of this so much that I still highly recommend it. With Bill’s character moving from a major to a minor character in the story is what changed things for me. I know that many people might not see him as a good person, because he is not, but he is definitely a good character, and it feels like the parasite inside of him is having a great time. We are given a treat with Kolakowski’s new novella, and even though I did not like the second half, it is still a fun novella and a good time. It makes me wish that I had parasites like these.
Part pulp crime story, part kaiju horror novella, Absolute Unit really has a lot of different elements. I love the beginning of this story. I love Bill and his wildness. I think the opening of this book is one of my favorites, to the point where I bought a few copies for my friends so that they could read it with me. The first half really is something amazing. The second half did not do it for me. The story switches directions so many times that the end does not even resemble the beginning. And I know that this is how books usually are, but the story seemed to lose steam and the special things that sucked me right into the story were long gone by the end.
I enjoyed the first half of this so much that I still highly recommend it. With Bill’s character moving from a major to a minor character in the story is what changed things for me. I know that many people might not see him as a good person, because he is not, but he is definitely a good character, and it feels like the parasite inside of him is having a great time. We are given a treat with Kolakowski’s new novella, and even though I did not like the second half, it is still a fun novella and a good time. It makes me wish that I had parasites like these.
July 29, 2021
Absolute Unit
Author: Nick Kolakowski
Publisher: Crystal Lake Publishing
Page count: 144pp
Release date: 29th July 2021
#IGotmyCLPBook
This sharp, funny and batshit crazy novella from Kolakowski is the first book I’ve read from him, but if this one is anything to go by, he’s suddenly a new favourite author.
“Bill is a nobody, a health inspector who’s not above taking a few dollars to overlook a restaurant’s mouse problem, and hated by nearly everyone except his long-suffering girlfriend. His nephew, Trent, isn’t much better: sexually and morally confused, he’s probably the worst teenage con artist on the East Coast. But today, these two losers are going to become the most important people in the world.
“That’s because Bill and Trent harbor a sentient parasite with a sarcastic sense of humor and a ravenous appetite. As the parasite figures out how to control its new human hosts, the focus of its desires grows from delicious cheeseburgers and beer to something much darker and more dangerous.”
The multiple points-of-view in the book grab the reader by their proverbial balls and drag them into an insane riot of violence, drugs, a six-foot plus dude dressed as a giant bunny and knife-wielding midlife women.
Add pizza delivery girls, parasites, bumbling cops and drug dealers and you have the kind of book Robert Rodriguez would die to film. It’s terrific, bloody, hilarious and ultimately pretty damn scary. You don’t expect existentialism amidst the hardcore violence, but you get it anyway.
If this book doesn’t win multiple awards I’d be very surprised.
Author: Nick Kolakowski
Publisher: Crystal Lake Publishing
Page count: 144pp
Release date: 29th July 2021
#IGotmyCLPBook
This sharp, funny and batshit crazy novella from Kolakowski is the first book I’ve read from him, but if this one is anything to go by, he’s suddenly a new favourite author.
“Bill is a nobody, a health inspector who’s not above taking a few dollars to overlook a restaurant’s mouse problem, and hated by nearly everyone except his long-suffering girlfriend. His nephew, Trent, isn’t much better: sexually and morally confused, he’s probably the worst teenage con artist on the East Coast. But today, these two losers are going to become the most important people in the world.
“That’s because Bill and Trent harbor a sentient parasite with a sarcastic sense of humor and a ravenous appetite. As the parasite figures out how to control its new human hosts, the focus of its desires grows from delicious cheeseburgers and beer to something much darker and more dangerous.”
The multiple points-of-view in the book grab the reader by their proverbial balls and drag them into an insane riot of violence, drugs, a six-foot plus dude dressed as a giant bunny and knife-wielding midlife women.
Add pizza delivery girls, parasites, bumbling cops and drug dealers and you have the kind of book Robert Rodriguez would die to film. It’s terrific, bloody, hilarious and ultimately pretty damn scary. You don’t expect existentialism amidst the hardcore violence, but you get it anyway.
If this book doesn’t win multiple awards I’d be very surprised.
July 25, 2021
I received an e-Galley ARC of Absolute Unit (or The Boredom of the Stalingrad Sniper), authored by Nick Kolakowski, cover art by Ben Baldwin, layout by Lori Michelle, from Crystal Lake Publishing, for review consideration. What follows below is my honest review, freely given.
I rated this novella 5 stars.
If you have ever wanted to hear the story from the body horror’s point of view then this is the parasitic invasive species novella for you! This puts the ho ho ho in horror (general laughter, not Santa specific, work with me), a running commentary of humanity’s finesse and failures, and last but in no way least...furries. Angry, weapon wielding furries, all while trying to gain complete control over the meat sack they are currently residing in. This picks up speed and doesn’t stop until the final page. It’s exactly the type of read I needed in between some more emotional (gut-wrenching, in a good way) horror reads. Just reason *mumbles some ridiculous high number* I love horror, it’s a genre that can touch on any emotion and be valid, horror is everywhere, in everything. Sometimes all you can do is laugh so you don’t cry, sound familiar? I read horror to calm down and relax, to cry, to laugh, to just breathe sometimes. I read it to be moved by what people can think up, because they say there are no new ideas under the sun, but man, have you been reading the stuff coming out in horror these last few years? This is the horror genre’s answer to The Host, if anyone knows that book, same author did Twilight.
I rated this novella 5 stars.
If you have ever wanted to hear the story from the body horror’s point of view then this is the parasitic invasive species novella for you! This puts the ho ho ho in horror (general laughter, not Santa specific, work with me), a running commentary of humanity’s finesse and failures, and last but in no way least...furries. Angry, weapon wielding furries, all while trying to gain complete control over the meat sack they are currently residing in. This picks up speed and doesn’t stop until the final page. It’s exactly the type of read I needed in between some more emotional (gut-wrenching, in a good way) horror reads. Just reason *mumbles some ridiculous high number* I love horror, it’s a genre that can touch on any emotion and be valid, horror is everywhere, in everything. Sometimes all you can do is laugh so you don’t cry, sound familiar? I read horror to calm down and relax, to cry, to laugh, to just breathe sometimes. I read it to be moved by what people can think up, because they say there are no new ideas under the sun, but man, have you been reading the stuff coming out in horror these last few years? This is the horror genre’s answer to The Host, if anyone knows that book, same author did Twilight.
July 30, 2021
Got this as an ARC for an honest review.
Bill is a health inspector that, on the surface, leads a very average life. But does Bill really have control over his thoughts and actions? The answer is very questionable since, unknown to Bill or anyone else, he has a very highly intelligent parasite living within him.
Bill's nephew, Trent, sees a lot of weird behavior from his uncle and because 9f that behavior, the very state of the entire world could be on the brink of extinction.
This book had me laughing throuout but also holds an underlining of fear of the unknown that takes place, especially with current events right now, concerning parasites that hide inside our bodies. What goes on in the so called mind of bacteria that looks at us as "home"
I highly recommend!!
Bill is a health inspector that, on the surface, leads a very average life. But does Bill really have control over his thoughts and actions? The answer is very questionable since, unknown to Bill or anyone else, he has a very highly intelligent parasite living within him.
Bill's nephew, Trent, sees a lot of weird behavior from his uncle and because 9f that behavior, the very state of the entire world could be on the brink of extinction.
This book had me laughing throuout but also holds an underlining of fear of the unknown that takes place, especially with current events right now, concerning parasites that hide inside our bodies. What goes on in the so called mind of bacteria that looks at us as "home"
I highly recommend!!
July 29, 2021
This was a lot of fun! I wanted to read it ever since I read the synopsis and it was even better than I expected. It’s fun and funny and shocking and incredibly well-written. It’s like a mix of Chuck Palahniuk and Irvine Welsh.
February 10, 2022
Nick is a great storyteller. Another great addition
November 15, 2021
I received a copy of Absolute Unit from the publisher for the possibility of consideration for a Bram Stoker Award.
Funny, fast-paced, and original.
I'd love a sequel in the same vein.
Funny, fast-paced, and original.
I'd love a sequel in the same vein.
January 11, 2022
Fast and furious, this is one weird, messed-up story that starts with many literal bangs and never lets up, surprising with its ability to keep piling in the unexpected and ultra-violent. Love the POV voice. Love the dual nature of everything and everyone. And absolutely love the armed and angry furries!
August 14, 2021
Heaps of fun topped off with an ending that makes you think. Good book. Thoroughly enjoyable.
October 8, 2021
This book was a lot of fun to read. What a strange journey. I wish it was longer. That is maybe my biggest complaint. I absolutely loved the perspective of the main character. 'Parasite' is so pejorative... indeed. This book started out kind of silly and light in a disgusting sort of way and got crazier and crazier. I was concerned that the story was going to really try and pound home some sort of moral message and then leave it at that, but it went beyond that and ended like a short story and I really appreciated that.
I received this book for free for my unbiased review.
I received this book for free for my unbiased review.
August 22, 2021
Once again, Crystal Lake brings magnificent horror to our door. Open up and let it in!
October 20, 2021
Grabbed a copy of this because I seen a few people talking about it on Facebook. First time I have tried the author. I quite enjoyed it. It had similarities to Benjamin's Parasite by Jeff Strand. I did prefer the first half of the book and then I felt the second half lagged a bit. Overall an okay read. I'll check out something else by the author.
February 24, 2022
By definition, a parasite is an organism (the intruder) that lives in or on another organism (the host) of a different species to extract the host’s nutrients at the other’s expense. That’s a great way to sum up this book, it being about two characters, Bill and Trent, going nowhere. They are two unlikely people to be the stars of any show… unless you quite literally live inside of them.
We see, hear, and feel everything through the parasites that live in Bill. Kolakowski provides an interesting commentary on how this one particular person, a man with one too many vices and lacking a moral compass, lives his day-to-day life. How much work these intruders-of-Bill makes you think if I had highly intelligent parasites living in me, what would they say about my day-to-day habits?
When Absolute Unit kicks into high-gear, when parasites switch their host, and Trent is introduced to the shady characters his uncle Bill worked with as well as a familiar face from Trent’s life. Worlds collide in one massive blood-splattering-limb-ripping showdown that leaves you satisfied.
We see, hear, and feel everything through the parasites that live in Bill. Kolakowski provides an interesting commentary on how this one particular person, a man with one too many vices and lacking a moral compass, lives his day-to-day life. How much work these intruders-of-Bill makes you think if I had highly intelligent parasites living in me, what would they say about my day-to-day habits?
When Absolute Unit kicks into high-gear, when parasites switch their host, and Trent is introduced to the shady characters his uncle Bill worked with as well as a familiar face from Trent’s life. Worlds collide in one massive blood-splattering-limb-ripping showdown that leaves you satisfied.
October 6, 2022
Good story as told from the perspective of the virus/fungus which sees us as the virus!
July 29, 2021
ABSOLUTE UNIT is about as wild and crazy ride as a person could conceive. Told from the point of view of a narrator probably never before encountered anywhere in literature, ABSOLUTE UNIT is a morass of dully useless people, evil criminals, perverted deviants, a seemingly immortal geriatric killing machine, and at the heart of it all, a few decent folks.
And then, That Narrator.
Lots and lots of violence, terroristic threats, profanity and obscenity, and some crooked members of law enforcement, so not recommended for under 18.
And then, That Narrator.
Lots and lots of violence, terroristic threats, profanity and obscenity, and some crooked members of law enforcement, so not recommended for under 18.
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