Hermione is offered a war-stake by Dumbledore. She ignorantly accepts the beautiful scroll, only to find she has thereby agreed to become Wife to the House of Malfoy. An on the go education by Minerva, Molly, and Astoria ensues as Hermione enters formal courtship by Draco and Lucius. Utterly absurd and just a tad naughty. AU, OOC. Notes This is a light world-building fic that perhaps borders on crack (if you squint). Basically, I had a lot of fun exploiting the obvious character flaws of each individual in the fic as well as any potential thereof. Hermione as a realistic human in love? Cue the hubris and swooning! Draco? Let's make him adorkable! And as for Lucius . . . let's make him a cuddler ;) If you're looking for a light, fluffy read with everything going on, consider yourself covered. Originally posted on Granger Enchanted and Fanfic, then my own website, and now available here on AO3 for easy downloading and sharing. . Practically vintage -- writing began in 2013.