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Listen
From the bestselling author of With the End in Mind, this is a book about the conversations that matter and how to have them better – more honestly, more confidently and without regret.
A child coming out to their parent. A family losing someone to terminal illness. A friend noticing the first signs of someone’s dementia. A careers advisor and a teenager with radically different perspectives.
There are moments when we must talk, listen and be there for one another. Why do we so often come away from those times feeling like we could have done more, or should have been braver in the face of discomfort? Why do we skirt the conversations that might matter most?
By bringing together stories with a lifetime’s experience working in medicine and the newest psychology, Mannix offers lessons for how we can better speak our mind and help when others need to.
A child coming out to their parent. A family losing someone to terminal illness. A friend noticing the first signs of someone’s dementia. A careers advisor and a teenager with radically different perspectives.
There are moments when we must talk, listen and be there for one another. Why do we so often come away from those times feeling like we could have done more, or should have been braver in the face of discomfort? Why do we skirt the conversations that might matter most?
By bringing together stories with a lifetime’s experience working in medicine and the newest psychology, Mannix offers lessons for how we can better speak our mind and help when others need to.
272 pages, Hardcover
First published September 16, 2021
297 people are currently reading
2958 people want to read
About the author
Kathryn Mannix
17 books149 followersKathryn Mannix has spent her medical career working with people who have incurable, advanced illnesses. Starting in cancer care and changing career to become a pioneer of the new discipline of palliative medicine, she has worked in teams in hospices, hospitals and in patients’ own homes to deliver palliative care, optimising quality of life even as death is approaching. Having qualified as a Cognitive Behaviour Therapist in 1993, she started the UK’s (possibly the world’s) first CBT clinic exclusively for palliative care patients, and devised ‘CBT First Aid’ training to enable palliative care colleagues to add new skills to their repertoire for helping patients.
Kathryn has worked with many thousands of dying people, and has found their ability to deal with illness and death both fascinating and inspirational. She believes that a better public awareness about what happens as we die would reduce fear and enable people to discuss their hopes and plans with the people who matter to them.
Kathryn has worked with many thousands of dying people, and has found their ability to deal with illness and death both fascinating and inspirational. She believes that a better public awareness about what happens as we die would reduce fear and enable people to discuss their hopes and plans with the people who matter to them.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 143 reviews
August 31, 2021
Kathryn Mannix has a medical background in cancer care and innovative palliative medicine, with the goal of promoting quality of life even as death approaches. Here, she provides a calm, thoughtful, wise commentary and practical advice on having difficult, distressing and challenging conversations, singling out the need to improve our listening skills as instrumental in becoming more effective in this area. In this accessible guide, storytelling is the medium used to build knowledge, experience and expertise in the reader, we are given a wide and diverse range of stories from Mannix's personal and professional life as a doctor, psychotherapist and trainer, and from other sources too. Many are heartbreaking, including touching on grief, receiving unwelcome news, and having deathbed conversations, something that is inevitable for us.
As well as what to do, Mannix draws our attention on things to avoid, such as judgementalism, suspending any different values, and not insisting but inviting a conversation. There is a necessary and particular focus on steering away from the idea of 'fixing' the problems of others, sometimes things cannot be fixed, and anyway answers must come from those who own their specific issues, they must be the architects of their own solutions. Difficult conversations can be a minefield of high emotions, disorientation and distress, requiring sensitivity to the perspectives, pain and vulnerability of others and the need to have the talk at an appropriate time and in a safe place. Prescriptive methodologies are to be avoided, instead curiosity, deeper listening and open exploration are the key for understanding and becoming better at having those challenging conversations.
This is less of a guide on difficult conversations and developing listening skills than a invaluable source of improving our lives for the better. I think there are so many of us who would benefit from the life stories and advice of this superb book, offering opportunities for gaining peace of mind. There is an emphasis on communities and connections, for equality amongst the participants of any conversations, that the process is collaborative, and an acceptance that you might not know what is at play. This is not something I often say, but I think this is a book for everyone, which is why I am highly recommending this as a must read. Many thanks to the publisher for an ARC.
From The Guardian: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandst...
As well as what to do, Mannix draws our attention on things to avoid, such as judgementalism, suspending any different values, and not insisting but inviting a conversation. There is a necessary and particular focus on steering away from the idea of 'fixing' the problems of others, sometimes things cannot be fixed, and anyway answers must come from those who own their specific issues, they must be the architects of their own solutions. Difficult conversations can be a minefield of high emotions, disorientation and distress, requiring sensitivity to the perspectives, pain and vulnerability of others and the need to have the talk at an appropriate time and in a safe place. Prescriptive methodologies are to be avoided, instead curiosity, deeper listening and open exploration are the key for understanding and becoming better at having those challenging conversations.
This is less of a guide on difficult conversations and developing listening skills than a invaluable source of improving our lives for the better. I think there are so many of us who would benefit from the life stories and advice of this superb book, offering opportunities for gaining peace of mind. There is an emphasis on communities and connections, for equality amongst the participants of any conversations, that the process is collaborative, and an acceptance that you might not know what is at play. This is not something I often say, but I think this is a book for everyone, which is why I am highly recommending this as a must read. Many thanks to the publisher for an ARC.
From The Guardian: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandst...
December 4, 2022
In brief - An excellent guide on how to have difficult conversations. 4.5/5
In full
As someone who had loved Kathryn Mannix's previous book this was a "must read". The true life story in the first chapter is set in the author's early days as a doctor and brought tears to my eyes. It is a story about the author, a widow and Dorothy who helped out. It sets a tone for this book about the difficulties of dealing with challenging situations and conversations. Even when these are done "properly" they sometimes don't work all that well.
This book is far more of a "how to do it" book than the previous one. It was about the author's personal experiences dealing with the dying and the bereaved. This one is far wider ranging and covers a variety of topics and situations. There is more about the way to deal with issues - techniques, tips, ideas and the like. It is more of a handbook than a reading book in some senses. Stories from real life either the author's own, or those which have been passed on to her by other professionals, pepper this and many are extremely powerful. These are used as illustrations of "how to" (or how not to) deal with very challenging situations.
A number of the chapters engaged me fully on a first read and had me highlighting passages to return to. While the word "listen" is fundamental to this book this leads to understanding and empathy. While many stories illustrate that very well reading them can be hard. The story of the carer and the old man in a hospice who made it difficult for anyone to like him or get near him is an example of that - a challenging read but thought provoking too. Kathryn's own interaction with her great-uncle is frankly a beautiful piece of writing and illustrates listening very well.
One area mentioned was one I had not come across before. This was the use of fairly formalised and trained peer to peer and teacher "listening". While this wasn't a difficult read it did leave me with a real hope for the future of listening rather more generally.
Some aspects are just good advice. The section of "deathbeds" is something that many folk would probably find a useful read at some stage of life. There is information on dealing with suicide prevention with some worthwhile thoughts. The book is a up to date and looks at the challenges to having difficult conversations that are posed during COVID as well as those arising from COVID.
I have a little knowledge in this subject area - as we age all of us are probably exposed to at least one of the issues tackled here and maybe more. I have no actual professional interest at this time however I found the book readable and valuable to me. Those with a professional interest should probably have an understanding of the issues and techniques involved. However I do think that many could benefit from stepping away from a fixed idea of role and into a deeper understanding of people and how they feel - we are all different.
Overwhelmingly Kathryn Mannix's compassion comes over in this book as it did in the previous one. If I were in a highly challenging situation I know of no one else I would rather have in the room. 4.5/5
"It's stories, not rules, that change people"
Note - I received an advance digital copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for a fair review
In full
As someone who had loved Kathryn Mannix's previous book this was a "must read". The true life story in the first chapter is set in the author's early days as a doctor and brought tears to my eyes. It is a story about the author, a widow and Dorothy who helped out. It sets a tone for this book about the difficulties of dealing with challenging situations and conversations. Even when these are done "properly" they sometimes don't work all that well.
This book is far more of a "how to do it" book than the previous one. It was about the author's personal experiences dealing with the dying and the bereaved. This one is far wider ranging and covers a variety of topics and situations. There is more about the way to deal with issues - techniques, tips, ideas and the like. It is more of a handbook than a reading book in some senses. Stories from real life either the author's own, or those which have been passed on to her by other professionals, pepper this and many are extremely powerful. These are used as illustrations of "how to" (or how not to) deal with very challenging situations.
A number of the chapters engaged me fully on a first read and had me highlighting passages to return to. While the word "listen" is fundamental to this book this leads to understanding and empathy. While many stories illustrate that very well reading them can be hard. The story of the carer and the old man in a hospice who made it difficult for anyone to like him or get near him is an example of that - a challenging read but thought provoking too. Kathryn's own interaction with her great-uncle is frankly a beautiful piece of writing and illustrates listening very well.
One area mentioned was one I had not come across before. This was the use of fairly formalised and trained peer to peer and teacher "listening". While this wasn't a difficult read it did leave me with a real hope for the future of listening rather more generally.
Some aspects are just good advice. The section of "deathbeds" is something that many folk would probably find a useful read at some stage of life. There is information on dealing with suicide prevention with some worthwhile thoughts. The book is a up to date and looks at the challenges to having difficult conversations that are posed during COVID as well as those arising from COVID.
I have a little knowledge in this subject area - as we age all of us are probably exposed to at least one of the issues tackled here and maybe more. I have no actual professional interest at this time however I found the book readable and valuable to me. Those with a professional interest should probably have an understanding of the issues and techniques involved. However I do think that many could benefit from stepping away from a fixed idea of role and into a deeper understanding of people and how they feel - we are all different.
Overwhelmingly Kathryn Mannix's compassion comes over in this book as it did in the previous one. If I were in a highly challenging situation I know of no one else I would rather have in the room. 4.5/5
"It's stories, not rules, that change people"
Note - I received an advance digital copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for a fair review
September 6, 2021
I found Kathryn Mannix’s previous book ‘With the End in Mind” excellent, and very helpful to me personally, so I was very keen to read “Listen”. While her first book was about understanding and dealing with death, this book is about how to talk about all different kinds of traumatic and difficult subjects, areas requiring delicate approaches – what the author describes as ‘tender conversations’.
And ‘conversations’ is a very important word here. This is not about ‘telling’ someone something, imposing your views, solving a problem … This is about bilateral conversations, between consenting persons – a verbal dance.
This is a book about empathy, about supporting people – whether they are your family, friends, or patients.
For me – well-known as a person of (inadvertently) little tact, but generally good intentions – it was extremely useful, and I hope I can put many of her suggestions into practice. In particular:
and, advice I needed as a teacher:
Some other quotes that I especially liked:
regarding death:
and grief:
There is just so much good advice here, so well presented and explained, it would be of great value for anyone to read it – but especially for doctors, nurses, teachers, politicians and clergy. Highly recommended.
I received this copy from the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are my own and not influenced by either the author or publisher.
And ‘conversations’ is a very important word here. This is not about ‘telling’ someone something, imposing your views, solving a problem … This is about bilateral conversations, between consenting persons – a verbal dance.
“The style remains the same: we are working with, not doing to, the other person, acting as partners, working together to keep in step.”
This is a book about empathy, about supporting people – whether they are your family, friends, or patients.
“When we engage in a tender conversation with somebody, we create a safe place for them to suffer: we don’t cause their suffering, but we can accompany and support them in it”.
For me – well-known as a person of (inadvertently) little tact, but generally good intentions – it was extremely useful, and I hope I can put many of her suggestions into practice. In particular:
“The way we listen affects the speaker’s confidence. If we listen as ‘experts’, the speaker may fear exposing their uncertainty, or they may move from useful problem-solving to seeking our advice. If we listen as ‘critics’, to judge or point out errors, they may fear exposing their mistakes. If we listen with a vested interest, they may feel unable to explore negative emotions or hurts.”
and, advice I needed as a teacher:
“The question that checks understanding is not ‘Do you understand?’ but rather ‘What have you understood?’
Some other quotes that I especially liked:
“Our ability to remain alongside as they experience their emotional storm does not lessen their distress, but it prevents the additional pain of feeling abandoned in a place of suffering.”
regarding death:
“Because talking about death won’t make it happen. But not talking about it robs us of choices and moments that will not come again”
and grief:
“Grief is not an illness, it is a response to loss. The grief will last as long as the loss does, and after a death the loss will last for ever. The loss permeates a bereaved person’s present, their memories of the past and their expectations of their future. Although they will eventually find their pain is a smaller component of their everyday life, it is not going to leave them completely. … They will not ‘get over it’ despite encountering many people who tell them that they should. Grief is a process that will eventually enable them to live alongside the loss. It will take the time it takes.”
There is just so much good advice here, so well presented and explained, it would be of great value for anyone to read it – but especially for doctors, nurses, teachers, politicians and clergy. Highly recommended.
I received this copy from the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are my own and not influenced by either the author or publisher.
August 3, 2021
Having previously read and reviewed Ms Mannix’s first book With the End in Mind I was very interested to read this book which focuses on the skills necessary to not only listen, but hear. It seems an obviously easy task, but Ms Mannix has illustrated not only the importance of really hearing what is being said, but able to communicate to the speaker that have you not only heard what is said, but understood what is being said and encouraging further discourse.
To quote from my review of her first book: “Kathyrn Mannix is not a philosopher who has focused on death and what it means and how to approach it. As a palliative carer her experience has been gained from working on the front line, whether that is in oncology or in other fields for many years. Her wisdom has been honed and perfected, assimilated from colleagues and more importantly from patients and their families.”
Like her first book, Listen offers the reader insight and comfort and a useful tool in each individual’s attempt to be supportive when confronted with difficult conversations and situations. I heartily recommend it.
Thank you to theauthor, publishers and NetGalley for providing an ARC via my Kindle in return for an honest review.
To quote from my review of her first book: “Kathyrn Mannix is not a philosopher who has focused on death and what it means and how to approach it. As a palliative carer her experience has been gained from working on the front line, whether that is in oncology or in other fields for many years. Her wisdom has been honed and perfected, assimilated from colleagues and more importantly from patients and their families.”
Like her first book, Listen offers the reader insight and comfort and a useful tool in each individual’s attempt to be supportive when confronted with difficult conversations and situations. I heartily recommend it.
Thank you to theauthor, publishers and NetGalley for providing an ARC via my Kindle in return for an honest review.
April 6, 2024
Jednego dnia wyszłam ze szpitala od pacjentów, zastanawiając się z przerażeniem: co mam powiedzieć pacjentowi, który pyta się mnie "Czy ja umrę"?
A trzy dni później, po przeczytaniu tej książki, znalazłam odpowiedź na swoje pytanie.
Mega wartościowa pozycja dla każdego, który chce profesjonalnie pomagać.
A trzy dni później, po przeczytaniu tej książki, znalazłam odpowiedź na swoje pytanie.
Mega wartościowa pozycja dla każdego, który chce profesjonalnie pomagać.
January 9, 2023
A beautifully empathetic, thoughtful and well written book about how to become a better listener and hence a more helpful friend, sibling, partner and parent!
'We are islands of presence in a distracted world.'
'Loneliness is not about lack of company but lack of connection.'
'We are islands of presence in a distracted world.'
'Loneliness is not about lack of company but lack of connection.'
January 14, 2022
This book is so well written with a multitude of solid, practical advice backed up with many interesting anecdotes. I would urge anyone who find themselves in the role of listening to anyone who is struggling with any issue to read this book. Even if you already think you are a good listener I would encourage you to read this book.
The author, Dr Kathryn Mannix, started her career in cancer care and then moved into palliative care. She is honest and real in this book and give examples of how she got things wrong early in her career when talking to people in traumatic situations. She then explains how those conversations could have been so much better for all concerned.
I cannot recommend this book more highly and it is one I will read again as I try a lot harder to put into practice all that she writes about. I will inevitable realise that I could do better and expect to reread this book from time to time to refresh my memory until having better conversations and listening appropriately comes as second nature to me. There are points when she talks about a group of teenagers who are learning listening skills and how to communicate with others on difficult topics. The maturity of these teenagers to grasp the needs and how things should be ideally is impressive and an inspiration. It is also a reminder that this book should be read by so many people, including our young people who are striving to support those around them through challenging times.
Having been finished in summer 2021 the material is very up-do-date as Dr Mannix shares a little of how life in the UK was for medical professionals and volunteers from the start of the Covid 19 pandemic. the UK has already had three country wide lockdowns and months where patients in hospitals were allowed no visitors unless it was an end of life situation. And you cannot always predict an end-of-life situation. Some heart-breaking decisions have to be made but life would be a lot better if we all had Dr Kathryn Mannix and those who follow her advice beside us at such traumatic times.
With thanks to NetGalley and 4th Estate and William Collins for a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
The author, Dr Kathryn Mannix, started her career in cancer care and then moved into palliative care. She is honest and real in this book and give examples of how she got things wrong early in her career when talking to people in traumatic situations. She then explains how those conversations could have been so much better for all concerned.
I cannot recommend this book more highly and it is one I will read again as I try a lot harder to put into practice all that she writes about. I will inevitable realise that I could do better and expect to reread this book from time to time to refresh my memory until having better conversations and listening appropriately comes as second nature to me. There are points when she talks about a group of teenagers who are learning listening skills and how to communicate with others on difficult topics. The maturity of these teenagers to grasp the needs and how things should be ideally is impressive and an inspiration. It is also a reminder that this book should be read by so many people, including our young people who are striving to support those around them through challenging times.
Having been finished in summer 2021 the material is very up-do-date as Dr Mannix shares a little of how life in the UK was for medical professionals and volunteers from the start of the Covid 19 pandemic. the UK has already had three country wide lockdowns and months where patients in hospitals were allowed no visitors unless it was an end of life situation. And you cannot always predict an end-of-life situation. Some heart-breaking decisions have to be made but life would be a lot better if we all had Dr Kathryn Mannix and those who follow her advice beside us at such traumatic times.
With thanks to NetGalley and 4th Estate and William Collins for a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
March 9, 2022
I finished this book at the start of the week and have taken a few days to start really digesting it. I am sure, even though it is only March, this is going to be one of the stand out books of the year for me.
It is often really difficult to have ‘difficult’ (what Mannix beautifully terms ‘tender’) conversations. I think we all naturally want to be fixers so we often try to reassure the other person or say things that are far from helpful, leaving the other person feel unheard and often finding the situation they are in even more challenging. Mannix writes about the lost art of listening. How silence is not necessarily a bad thing and how to really hear what the other person is saying.
Her book comes out at a very important time as so many have had to face ideas of mortality with the pandemic, when there are many more unwell people right now and when increasingly people are struggling with their mental health. The book is told mostly through a series of case studies that range from conversations with relatives, patients, friends and strangers too.
What I loved about the examples shown and Mannix illustrations is the importance of letting the speaker explore their own options and keep their own autonomy. Sometimes asking questions is far more beneficial than offering solutions (which in likelihood the other person has already thought of).
While I am not a medic, I found this book very helpful for conversations in my own everyday life. It’s made me more mindful of the other person and how to listen better. I think this book really should be read by everyone.
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for sending me an ARC in exchange for an honest review.
It is often really difficult to have ‘difficult’ (what Mannix beautifully terms ‘tender’) conversations. I think we all naturally want to be fixers so we often try to reassure the other person or say things that are far from helpful, leaving the other person feel unheard and often finding the situation they are in even more challenging. Mannix writes about the lost art of listening. How silence is not necessarily a bad thing and how to really hear what the other person is saying.
Her book comes out at a very important time as so many have had to face ideas of mortality with the pandemic, when there are many more unwell people right now and when increasingly people are struggling with their mental health. The book is told mostly through a series of case studies that range from conversations with relatives, patients, friends and strangers too.
What I loved about the examples shown and Mannix illustrations is the importance of letting the speaker explore their own options and keep their own autonomy. Sometimes asking questions is far more beneficial than offering solutions (which in likelihood the other person has already thought of).
While I am not a medic, I found this book very helpful for conversations in my own everyday life. It’s made me more mindful of the other person and how to listen better. I think this book really should be read by everyone.
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for sending me an ARC in exchange for an honest review.
February 19, 2022
One of those books most people will probably pass off as self-help they do not need, but actually essential reading for a lot of us.
I really like how the author set the tone in her writing; it's with a kind voice that’s nurturing. I've read a lot of similar books where I felt ideologies were being pushed rather than suggested, and that I was being talked at vs being talk to/with. This book is sympathetic yet strong in its stance of encouragement.
I love how Dr Mannix included case studies that are relatable and accessible for people from all walks of life. It harbours a sense of neighbouring and society. But also, I’ve actually managed to get a lot of tips for when certain situations arise.
The last few chapters focusing on grief and bereavement were powerful especially with a nod to the times we live in in now.
Highly recommended.
I really like how the author set the tone in her writing; it's with a kind voice that’s nurturing. I've read a lot of similar books where I felt ideologies were being pushed rather than suggested, and that I was being talked at vs being talk to/with. This book is sympathetic yet strong in its stance of encouragement.
I love how Dr Mannix included case studies that are relatable and accessible for people from all walks of life. It harbours a sense of neighbouring and society. But also, I’ve actually managed to get a lot of tips for when certain situations arise.
The last few chapters focusing on grief and bereavement were powerful especially with a nod to the times we live in in now.
Highly recommended.
August 9, 2023
Stop. Put that book down, and pick this one up instead. I am not an advocate for haphazardly stopping and starting books, but this one is worth it.
Truly, I implore anyone to read this. It does not matter if you are not interested in this genre, or consider yourself decent at listening and/or communicative skills. "Listen" is without a doubt, my no.1 non-fiction read this year. It is incredibly digestible, practical, and relevant.
I'm always thinking of how many people only go to therapy when issues arise. However, reading this makes me understand how pertinent and important it is to have management-therapy; therapy not 'just for when ('bad' things occur)' but actually to build this solid foundation of skills and self-security when interacting with yourself and others.
I'm the formal register of my reviews for this review only. Get it, and get it now.
Truly, I implore anyone to read this. It does not matter if you are not interested in this genre, or consider yourself decent at listening and/or communicative skills. "Listen" is without a doubt, my no.1 non-fiction read this year. It is incredibly digestible, practical, and relevant.
I'm always thinking of how many people only go to therapy when issues arise. However, reading this makes me understand how pertinent and important it is to have management-therapy; therapy not 'just for when ('bad' things occur)' but actually to build this solid foundation of skills and self-security when interacting with yourself and others.
I'm the formal register of my reviews for this review only. Get it, and get it now.
September 27, 2022
A wonderful book. Must read.
This isn’t about talking right to gain something for yourself but about giving. I was speechless and overwhelmed by the kind heartedness of people in the stories and examples cited in the book. Brought me back to the times when I have had to have those difficult conversations that truly matter. It’s very difficult to have the presence of mind to say the right words when emotions are running high and you are breaking down yourself but when speak you must. But things usually work out as long as your heart is in the right place.
If you get even a little bit better by reading this book at supporting those who need your support, be it friends, family or at times, even strangers, it’s worth its weight in gold. Beautifully written too.
This isn’t about talking right to gain something for yourself but about giving. I was speechless and overwhelmed by the kind heartedness of people in the stories and examples cited in the book. Brought me back to the times when I have had to have those difficult conversations that truly matter. It’s very difficult to have the presence of mind to say the right words when emotions are running high and you are breaking down yourself but when speak you must. But things usually work out as long as your heart is in the right place.
If you get even a little bit better by reading this book at supporting those who need your support, be it friends, family or at times, even strangers, it’s worth its weight in gold. Beautifully written too.
April 11, 2024
Bardzo dobra lektura w czasach samotności w tłumie. W czasach cyfryzacji, automatyzacji, sztucznej inteligencji i mediów "społecznościowych". Obecny stan świetnie oddaje cytat z książki:
"Samotność nie polega na braku towarzystwa, tylko na braku więzi. Życie w otoczeniu ludzi, z których żaden nie jest gotów nas wysłuchać, może być bardziej samotne niż w izolacji."
Jakie są zasady udanej rozmowy na trudny temat?
Zaproponuj rozmowę, ale nie naciskaj. Daj możliwość wyboru czasu i miejsca.
Słuchaj uważnie. Twoim celem nie jest rozwiązanie czyjegoś problemu, ale wysłuchanie tej osoby.
Wykazuj zainteresowanie i zadawaj pytania, najlepiej otwarte.
Nie pocieszaj i nie obiecuj, że wszystko będzie dobrze.
Nie możesz uśmierzyć bólu, więc stwórz przestrzeń do jego wyrażenia.
Doceń wartość chwil milczenia.
Poinformuj rozmówcę ile czasu możesz mu poświęcić. Jeśli niewystarczająco, zaproponuj inny termin.
Jeśli istnieje niebezpieczeństwo dla zdrowia lub życia, rozważ zwrócenie się o pomoc do specjalisty.
Rozpoznaj zależności między emocjami, myślami, zachowaniami i doznaniami fizycznym rozmówcy.
I bardzo ważne: zadbaj o swój własny dobrostan. Nie pozwól, aby czyjś problem wywołał u ciebie załamanie emocjonalne.
Z dalszej części dowiemy się m.in. jak rozmawiać osobami zalęknionymi, gniewnymi, w żałobie, na skraju samobójstwa, chorymi, itp. Poszczególne punkty omawiane są na konkretnych przykładach, prawdziwych i fikcyjnych.
Polecam szczególnie tym, którzy zawodowo muszą prowadzić trudne rozmowy, przekazywać złe wyniki badań lekarskich, powiadamiać o czyjejś śmierci, załatwiać sprawy związane z pogrzebami...
"Samotność nie polega na braku towarzystwa, tylko na braku więzi. Życie w otoczeniu ludzi, z których żaden nie jest gotów nas wysłuchać, może być bardziej samotne niż w izolacji."
Jakie są zasady udanej rozmowy na trudny temat?
Zaproponuj rozmowę, ale nie naciskaj. Daj możliwość wyboru czasu i miejsca.
Słuchaj uważnie. Twoim celem nie jest rozwiązanie czyjegoś problemu, ale wysłuchanie tej osoby.
Wykazuj zainteresowanie i zadawaj pytania, najlepiej otwarte.
Nie pocieszaj i nie obiecuj, że wszystko będzie dobrze.
Nie możesz uśmierzyć bólu, więc stwórz przestrzeń do jego wyrażenia.
Doceń wartość chwil milczenia.
Poinformuj rozmówcę ile czasu możesz mu poświęcić. Jeśli niewystarczająco, zaproponuj inny termin.
Jeśli istnieje niebezpieczeństwo dla zdrowia lub życia, rozważ zwrócenie się o pomoc do specjalisty.
Rozpoznaj zależności między emocjami, myślami, zachowaniami i doznaniami fizycznym rozmówcy.
I bardzo ważne: zadbaj o swój własny dobrostan. Nie pozwól, aby czyjś problem wywołał u ciebie załamanie emocjonalne.
Z dalszej części dowiemy się m.in. jak rozmawiać osobami zalęknionymi, gniewnymi, w żałobie, na skraju samobójstwa, chorymi, itp. Poszczególne punkty omawiane są na konkretnych przykładach, prawdziwych i fikcyjnych.
Polecam szczególnie tym, którzy zawodowo muszą prowadzić trudne rozmowy, przekazywać złe wyniki badań lekarskich, powiadamiać o czyjejś śmierci, załatwiać sprawy związane z pogrzebami...
July 20, 2023
3.5 tbh but we rounded up!
Nothing groundbreaking, but a very nice refresher on a lot of important components of active listening and managing conflict :0
Nothing groundbreaking, but a very nice refresher on a lot of important components of active listening and managing conflict :0
November 14, 2021
Priceless.
Mannix has spent a lifetime as a doctor in palliative care.
She demonstrates the styles and skills necessary to have the conversations that we are trying to avoid. She explains that there is no right way to have those conversations and that when we get it wrong it can't be undone. But there are basic steps and skills that help.
Her book is a brilliant reflection on how we humans connect. Priceless. You cannot buy this experience, and you cannot buy the results you can achieve by practising what she suggests.
This book arrived from Amazon on the Monday after our 10 month-old puppy was killed on the preceding Sunday in a traffic accident. Puppies aren't human but his death caused our family to grieve, especially my wife and daughter. This spurred me to read the book straight away. And it all made 110% sense. Knowing when and how and what to say, and when not to, was really helpful.
Two years ago my I had a call from the ICU department of a distant hospital. The nurse said that my brother was dying and too sick to call but he asked that she call me and that I would come to help. I hadn't spoken with him for many years - not intentionally it just didn’t happen.
I packed up work and took a 6-hour plane trip with no idea what to do nor how long I would be there. I was bewildered but I think I did pretty well. I buried him within 2 months - just me, one neighbour, and a social worker. There are many things I could have done much better if Mannix's book had been available then. Many.
Her book is not just for the dying and grieving. It is for understanding how to approach every difficult conversion you are avoiding or dreading - with your children, your boss, your neighbour, your best friend or your gym buddy.
It's a gem.
Mannix has spent a lifetime as a doctor in palliative care.
She demonstrates the styles and skills necessary to have the conversations that we are trying to avoid. She explains that there is no right way to have those conversations and that when we get it wrong it can't be undone. But there are basic steps and skills that help.
Her book is a brilliant reflection on how we humans connect. Priceless. You cannot buy this experience, and you cannot buy the results you can achieve by practising what she suggests.
This book arrived from Amazon on the Monday after our 10 month-old puppy was killed on the preceding Sunday in a traffic accident. Puppies aren't human but his death caused our family to grieve, especially my wife and daughter. This spurred me to read the book straight away. And it all made 110% sense. Knowing when and how and what to say, and when not to, was really helpful.
Two years ago my I had a call from the ICU department of a distant hospital. The nurse said that my brother was dying and too sick to call but he asked that she call me and that I would come to help. I hadn't spoken with him for many years - not intentionally it just didn’t happen.
I packed up work and took a 6-hour plane trip with no idea what to do nor how long I would be there. I was bewildered but I think I did pretty well. I buried him within 2 months - just me, one neighbour, and a social worker. There are many things I could have done much better if Mannix's book had been available then. Many.
Her book is not just for the dying and grieving. It is for understanding how to approach every difficult conversion you are avoiding or dreading - with your children, your boss, your neighbour, your best friend or your gym buddy.
It's a gem.
August 3, 2022
Fantastic read… made me feel very human and drawn to empathy in so many ways… definitely going to re read this book over and over again
November 10, 2022
I read this after my university year group was recommended to check it out before going out on placement. I study speech and language therapy and, as you'd expect, good communication is quite central to our role.
I waited quite a few months to follow up on my lecturer's recommendation as I'm not the best at reading anything that isn't an article I can reference in an assignment during term time, but I wish I had read it sooner and spent some time during the summer to reflect on it.
When I started reading this, I was a few weeks into my current placement where I have been working with individuals with social and emotional mental health needs and adverse childhood experiences. I was so worried that I would say the wrong things to these people and cause further upset in their life that I didn't stop to think about what they might say to me and how my response could potentially have a similar effect.
This book equips you with exactly what it sets out to do in the title, and Kathryn Mannix's writing style is so warm and so nuanced that you feel listened to reading it.
Throughout a number of poignant anecdotes highlighting good listening skills and different navigational approaches of tender conversations, you are given inspiring yet wholly applicable advice on how to talk about matters we often avoid or circumnavigate into a false positivity. These anecdotes include reflections on times where tender conversations were not navigated as smoothly as hoped, and these serve to remind us that we're not always going to get it right.
I believe it will almost certainly be easier to get it right after reading this remarkable book and I intend to recommend it to everyone I know, regardless of their profession. Despite only being halfway through the book at the time, I found myself better prepared to speak to a young person's family member about an important issue and left the interaction having felt like we both experienced a profound moment of humanity.
I waited quite a few months to follow up on my lecturer's recommendation as I'm not the best at reading anything that isn't an article I can reference in an assignment during term time, but I wish I had read it sooner and spent some time during the summer to reflect on it.
When I started reading this, I was a few weeks into my current placement where I have been working with individuals with social and emotional mental health needs and adverse childhood experiences. I was so worried that I would say the wrong things to these people and cause further upset in their life that I didn't stop to think about what they might say to me and how my response could potentially have a similar effect.
This book equips you with exactly what it sets out to do in the title, and Kathryn Mannix's writing style is so warm and so nuanced that you feel listened to reading it.
Throughout a number of poignant anecdotes highlighting good listening skills and different navigational approaches of tender conversations, you are given inspiring yet wholly applicable advice on how to talk about matters we often avoid or circumnavigate into a false positivity. These anecdotes include reflections on times where tender conversations were not navigated as smoothly as hoped, and these serve to remind us that we're not always going to get it right.
I believe it will almost certainly be easier to get it right after reading this remarkable book and I intend to recommend it to everyone I know, regardless of their profession. Despite only being halfway through the book at the time, I found myself better prepared to speak to a young person's family member about an important issue and left the interaction having felt like we both experienced a profound moment of humanity.
October 16, 2022
This book is, in a way, a guide for everyday difficult conversations, but it has a very clinical approach. Mannix is a doctor, after all, and most of this book focuses on how to deal with illness and death, helping our family and friends when they're afraid as well as dealing with our own feelings.
The title is fitting: Mannix teaches the reader how to listen, how to make room for the other person to open up about their concerns and their fears by being quiet and asking questions, rather than going into problem solving or minimising their feelings in order to dissipate the tension and make ourselves feel better by ending the conversation quickly. She proposes a few ways to go about it, like repeating what the person who is upset said and voicing what their feelings may be.
This approach may work for other people, but If I'm upset and the person with whom I'm having a conversation keeps repeating what I said in order to reassure me about having heard me, instead of comforting I find it patronising. I acknowledge this is a me problem. That's the rub, though. Noticing the other person's reaction and adjusting what you do accordingly is most of the work. In my case, asking follow up questions would be a better way to go. In essence, Mannix’s advice is to focus on kindness and compassion as the end goal rather than resolution.
She also touches on institutional compassion or lack thereof, from hospitals to insurance companies, how the pandemic exacerbated issues that were already present, and the solutions that have come up for some of them.
We will all at some point be in a situation that requires listening to someone who's in pain. This book helps.
The title is fitting: Mannix teaches the reader how to listen, how to make room for the other person to open up about their concerns and their fears by being quiet and asking questions, rather than going into problem solving or minimising their feelings in order to dissipate the tension and make ourselves feel better by ending the conversation quickly. She proposes a few ways to go about it, like repeating what the person who is upset said and voicing what their feelings may be.
This approach may work for other people, but If I'm upset and the person with whom I'm having a conversation keeps repeating what I said in order to reassure me about having heard me, instead of comforting I find it patronising. I acknowledge this is a me problem. That's the rub, though. Noticing the other person's reaction and adjusting what you do accordingly is most of the work. In my case, asking follow up questions would be a better way to go. In essence, Mannix’s advice is to focus on kindness and compassion as the end goal rather than resolution.
She also touches on institutional compassion or lack thereof, from hospitals to insurance companies, how the pandemic exacerbated issues that were already present, and the solutions that have come up for some of them.
We will all at some point be in a situation that requires listening to someone who's in pain. This book helps.
June 23, 2022
This book is absolutely phenomenal. I would recommend it to anyone in any role, from pastoral to medical to parenting to being a good friend.
I loved reading Crucial Conversations (by Kerry Patterson) a few years ago which talked about the practicalities of communicating well so people understand each other and can work well together. This one is just as brilliant, and focuses more simply on humanity. How do we break the worst kind of news to someone? How do we sit alongside someone who’s going through some tough stuff? How do we encourage our friends and family members to talk about the things that really matter without trying to fix or coerce or diminish what they’re experiencing in that moment? Getting communication right makes the difference that can make people feel heard, to understand themselves better and to encourage positive change for the future.
It helped me to make so much sense of why I am drawn to certain types of people and can be both vulnerable and built up in their presence, while I automatically shut down in front of others. It gave some great vocabulary for patterns of communication I’ve seen over the years.
I will definitely be coming back to this book again and again to improve my listening skills and remember how to exercise genuine empathy for other people.
I loved reading Crucial Conversations (by Kerry Patterson) a few years ago which talked about the practicalities of communicating well so people understand each other and can work well together. This one is just as brilliant, and focuses more simply on humanity. How do we break the worst kind of news to someone? How do we sit alongside someone who’s going through some tough stuff? How do we encourage our friends and family members to talk about the things that really matter without trying to fix or coerce or diminish what they’re experiencing in that moment? Getting communication right makes the difference that can make people feel heard, to understand themselves better and to encourage positive change for the future.
It helped me to make so much sense of why I am drawn to certain types of people and can be both vulnerable and built up in their presence, while I automatically shut down in front of others. It gave some great vocabulary for patterns of communication I’ve seen over the years.
I will definitely be coming back to this book again and again to improve my listening skills and remember how to exercise genuine empathy for other people.
August 26, 2025
Autorka posiada ogromne doświadczenie w obszarze „trudnych rozmów”, wynikające z wieloletniej pracy jako lekarka i psychoterapeutka na oddziałach paliatywnych oraz w hospicjum. Pisze z dużą dojrzałością i empatią. Książka nie jest prostą „instrukcją obsługi” dotyczącą tego, jak mówić, by ktoś czuł się wysłuchany – uczy raczej, jak naprawdę rozmawiać i słuchać, pokazując, jak wielkie ma to znaczenie.
Osobiście miałam poczucie, że książka jest nieco przydługa jak na swoją tematykę. Zawiera wiele anegdot, z których część – jak zaznacza autorka – jest fikcyjna. Rozumiem, że dla wielu czytelników poszczególne historie i dialogi mogą być pomocne. W moim odczuciu były jednak zbędne. Trudno było mi się w nie zaangażować, a większość wydawała mi się sztuczna i przesadnie cukierkowa.
Patrząc z perspektywy polskich realiów szpitalnych, niektóre z zaleceń autorki są trudne do wdrożenia. Autorka pokazuje, jak powinno być, jednak w praktyce często nie udaje się zapewnić wszystkich warunków – brakuje pomieszczeń, pracowników i czasu, a stworzenie intymnej atmosfery do „tkliwych” rozmów bywa bardzo trudne.
Osobiście miałam poczucie, że książka jest nieco przydługa jak na swoją tematykę. Zawiera wiele anegdot, z których część – jak zaznacza autorka – jest fikcyjna. Rozumiem, że dla wielu czytelników poszczególne historie i dialogi mogą być pomocne. W moim odczuciu były jednak zbędne. Trudno było mi się w nie zaangażować, a większość wydawała mi się sztuczna i przesadnie cukierkowa.
Patrząc z perspektywy polskich realiów szpitalnych, niektóre z zaleceń autorki są trudne do wdrożenia. Autorka pokazuje, jak powinno być, jednak w praktyce często nie udaje się zapewnić wszystkich warunków – brakuje pomieszczeń, pracowników i czasu, a stworzenie intymnej atmosfery do „tkliwych” rozmów bywa bardzo trudne.
December 18, 2021
I first heard of Kathryn Mannix when I attended a virtual event in the midst of Lockdown in July 2020 https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=557... . Her care for those at end of life was uplifting and deeply warming, so when I saw the ARC for Listen I jumped at the chance to review.
Although now some months after the publication date it is a timeless book about the power of stories and active listening. Over the past few months I have had to support colleagues, provide unwelcome news and generally muddle through life - Listen has helped me through all this. I recognise that my active listening needs work, but I am improving, my coversations are tender, I try to lead conversations in a way that suprise is minimised and I now have internalised that I can't fix someones situation, however I can be by their side.
Listen has quietly changed my life and how I interact with family, friends and colleagues.- it is a joy and I would recommend it highly, in fact I have ordered some for friends!
My thanks to the publisher and Netgalley for access to this ARC - it is fabulous.
Although now some months after the publication date it is a timeless book about the power of stories and active listening. Over the past few months I have had to support colleagues, provide unwelcome news and generally muddle through life - Listen has helped me through all this. I recognise that my active listening needs work, but I am improving, my coversations are tender, I try to lead conversations in a way that suprise is minimised and I now have internalised that I can't fix someones situation, however I can be by their side.
Listen has quietly changed my life and how I interact with family, friends and colleagues.- it is a joy and I would recommend it highly, in fact I have ordered some for friends!
My thanks to the publisher and Netgalley for access to this ARC - it is fabulous.
May 25, 2024
I expected quiet a lot from this book, and I wasn’t disappointed. The great communication skills coming from the ability to be able to listen others. It is not an easy skill, and like the author shows it can only come with the experience. In the Listen you will find lots of anecdotes, some will warm your heart, to show how important is to listen to others. Dr Kathryn Mannix gave lots of tips and practical examples how to develop this skill and why it really matters. As a parent and a person who works with quite challenging environment, I found this guide very practical and useful. I am glad I was able to read this book.
Highly recommended to parents, professional and especially to you - you need to read this.
Thank you NetGalley, the author and publisher for ARC of this book to provide the honest review.
Highly recommended to parents, professional and especially to you - you need to read this.
Thank you NetGalley, the author and publisher for ARC of this book to provide the honest review.
February 19, 2022
More of a 3.5 than a 3.
The author writes bravely from an non-perfectionist point making this a great book for anyone of any background. There are good, real world examples as well as useful tips, phrases & other sources of practical information.
From my own experience of “difficult” conversations in healthcare, the scenarios presented by the author were clear cut & nothing goes “wrong” in them, except those used by the author to highlight her errors for us to learn from. The conversations go from A to B as intended & seem a little robotic or led. However this is a good starting point for people who feel nervous about small conversations around death, struggle & grief. And important points are raised regarding places for conversations & the challenges posed by poor design.
The author writes bravely from an non-perfectionist point making this a great book for anyone of any background. There are good, real world examples as well as useful tips, phrases & other sources of practical information.
From my own experience of “difficult” conversations in healthcare, the scenarios presented by the author were clear cut & nothing goes “wrong” in them, except those used by the author to highlight her errors for us to learn from. The conversations go from A to B as intended & seem a little robotic or led. However this is a good starting point for people who feel nervous about small conversations around death, struggle & grief. And important points are raised regarding places for conversations & the challenges posed by poor design.
May 9, 2025
This book much like Mannix first has the power to change lives. As someone working in the health service both these books have made me think more clearly about the importance of conversation and silence. I think they have made me a better physiotherapist but only those who allow me the honour of being part of their lives could determine that. Thank you Dr Mannix for demystifying death and for showing me how to hold tender conversations.
June 17, 2025
Such an important resource that came highly recommended through the ‘Good Mourning’ podcast. It can be hard knowing what to say to someone/how best to approach them when they’ve lost someone they love (even if you’ve been in that position yourself). Almost feel this needs to be taught/talked about in schools.. after all, death is one of the only certainties in life.
April 6, 2022
Alveg frábær. Vá hvað ég lærði margt nýtt og gagnlegt varðandi samskipti og þá sérstaklega hvernig á að eiga erfið samtöl og vera til staðar, bæði faglega sem verðandi læknir og fyrir sína nánustu, þegar lífið er erfitt. Mæli heilshugar með fyrir alla.
August 14, 2023
This is a good book that I would recommend to anyone wanting to better navigate trying to a compassionate, listening human. I read this book, noting a lot of the same themes to the counselling skills training I have done so far, but I particularly welcomed the reflections towards the end focusing on Covid-19, bereavement, loneliness and the reality of our society and spaces that aren’t designed for the difficultly of human reality. I also thought the examples were lovely and detailed, helping to give a real sense of how to proceed.
January 31, 2022
Beautifully written with great compassion and a wealth of experience, this book is inspiring, moving and will be of great practical help for anyone wanting to listen more deeply, respond more lovingly and be a better support to those in grief, anger, confusion and sorrow.....or just to have more authentic and open communication with others.
August 22, 2022
A good grounding on how to listen well.
October 23, 2022
This, and Mannix's other book (which is in the topic of dying) , should be widely read. Intelligent, sensitive, knowledgeable and practical.
February 3, 2023
This is an excellent book
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