I Cried to Dream Again: Trafficking, Murder, and Deliverance -- A Memoir

by Sara Kruzan, Cori Thomas

There is perhaps no crime more disturbing than the abuse of a child—and no court cases as upsetting as those in which juveniles who have faced abuse are tried for fighting back. In this gripping memoir Sara Kruzan, a survivor of childhood abuse and sex trafficking, tells the honest, disturbing, and ultimately empowering story of her journey from abuse to incarceration without parole for killing her abuser to finally gaining her liberation.

"As someone who has worked with trafficking survivors in the developing world, I am struck by how vividly Kruzan’s memoir shows us how easily these same atrocities take place, barely noticed, beneath the sophisticated veneer of life in the U.S. A brilliant and illuminating read."—Leymah Gbowee, 2011 Nobel Peace Prize Laureate and author of Mighty Be Our Powers

Sara is currently an advocate for the rights of incarcerated women and children, and the inspiration behind Sara’s Law, a bill currently in the House of Representative seeking to protect children of abuse from facing life sentences.


"I was eleven when I first met GG. I realized later that he had to have been aware of the chaos that was my life because he played me perfectly. I was walking home after school ... I heard a red Mustang purring like a huge lion behind me as I turned onto my block. When it caught up with me, a man leaned out of the window and motioned for me to come closer. 'Hey, excuse me,' he said. I approached the window and politely and cheerfully replied, ‘Yes?’ He said, 'I’ve been noticing you a lot, and I just want to talk to you. I’m gonna go get some ice cream and go to the park. I would love for you to come and join me. We won’t be gone long. Is that okay with you?' Ice cream! I found his offer irresistible. GG leaned over and opened the passenger door, 'What’s your name? People call me GG.' 'Sara,' I said shyly.'"—from I Cried to Dream Again

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, True Crime, Feminism, Crime, Biography Memoir, Audiobook

208 pages, Hardcover

First published May 10, 2022

Reviews

[Elyse Walters · Rating 5 out of 5]

Audiobook…..narrated by January LaVoy
…..6 hours and 52 minutes

The only thing pretty about this HORRIFIC - F#€king graphically sickening detailed nightmare true story
are colors selected for the book cover.

My suggestion …
[something I didn’t do]….
is read Sara Kruzan’s Wikipedia page …. before choosing ‘to’ or ‘to not’ invest your time.

“He told me I was his prized possession. I was special”.


Abused, molested, raped, manipulated, more rape, held down, tied down, more rape, tortured, chained, shackled, drugged, ongoing devastating rape, rape, rape, rape, rape, rape…. gang raped…..
starved,
dependency teenage build up,
disconnecting from thyself, horrors of suffering,
taught behavior sex rules, trained on how to be a sex expert,
ugly disgusting brutal torture…..

Think carefully….before choosing to read or listen to this story.

Is it gripping? Page turning?
Shocking? Unbelievable? Maddening? Is there value? Well written? With an excellent voice narrator?
Yes, yes, yes….
….but do I recommend it?
I can’t answer that. Yes. No. Maybe.

If you don’t know ‘anything’ about Sara Kruzan …..
I highly suggest… take a moment to read about her on
Wikipedia.

I hope that in writing this book —
—all the experiences that Sara Kruzan had interacting with readers, publishers, people who interviewed her, etc. …
was directly helpful to ‘her’ —semi-healing (as much that could possibly be expected), … and that she feels a little more ‘free’ from inner painful memories today.

This is a ‘no-holds-back’ memoir….
some of the ugliest truth one will ever hear.
And to think….it’s not even an uncommon story? Very hard to wrap one’s head around this thought.

[Jasmine from How Useful It Is · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent memoir. Fantastic read. Heartbreaking. This memoir followed the author's life: childhood, life in prison, and after prison. Her mom was abused by her grandpa so her mom pretty much abandoned her life to drugs and men and physically abusing her kids. The older kids escaped their mom's rage but Sara was left behind. They lived in the poor neighborhood, but it was her mom's abandonment and abusive behaviors that Sara was lured and groomed by older men who would later used her for sex and sex trafficking. She was only 11 and 12, too young to know how to stay away from bad men, especially when her mom left her hungry and men offered her free foods. Her mom was too busy to keep Sara safe.

Later Sara dated a guy who had an uncle that was in the drug business. They learned that Sara's pimp always carried cash on him so they set up to where Sara ended up killing her pimp and went to prison for it. Sara served 20 years even though her original sentence was for life.

I enjoyed reading this memoir. It's sad that Sara went through so much at such a young age. It might seem like she's trusting and gullible but it's not because she was not nurtured by a caring parent who would have reminded her repeatedly to stay away from strangers. I liked learning of good people helping her to obtain her freedom. Among the bad people who hurt her, I'm glad she able to find some good people in her life. Better late than never. I highly recommend everyone to read this book!

Thank you Pantheon Books for the opportunity to read and review.

[Mainlinebooker · Rating 4 out of 5]

How does one even comprehend what it is like to be so unloved abused and then trafficked at the age of 11? In hindsight it is clear that Sara's home situation, a single parent addict, an impoverished dangerous neighborhood and lack of guidance created the perfect storm for her to be used as a pawn by a pimp. And it all began with the simple gesture of free ice cream.......
She was groomed slowly and molested until she was "ready "for clients while desperate for the tenderness and affection of her pimp. That is, until she was 16 and shot him to death. She was given a life sentence without parole. Sara brings us inside prison life where despite minor incursions she felt the love of her female inmates who became the family she never had. She only relegates one paragraph to the downsides of incarceration which I wish she had expanded more. After 20 years she was released due to a faction of tireless advocates who championed and fought for her freedom. Her involvement with them led to laws being passed that take into account the excessive sentencing given to juveniles that do not take account of the abuser's roles. It is a dark, deeply disturbing story but one of courage as well..

[Crystal (Melanatedreader) Forte' · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ended abruptly and I can’t adequately put in words how this book made me feel. This story is definitely not for the weak at heart… Trafficking, murder, and deliverance is spot on… I’m just floored at how much a person can take and still find forgiveness in their heart 👏🏾

[Haylee · Rating 5 out of 5]

wow. all i can say is thank you to Sara Kruzan for sharing her story and for being such a resilient and impressive woman. i am honored to have been able to read this memoir.

[Kerry Crabbs · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an incredibly brave woman.

[Auderoy · Rating 3 out of 5]

QUOTES:

I did not register what he had done as painful. My interactions with my mother had, on the other hand, caused me great physical and emotional hurt. I recognize now the shrewdness of GG’s approach. He made sure that the benefits, at least in the beginning, were sufficient to overcome my qualms. Without the ice cream, I would not have gone into his house.

The prison system can be so relentlessly spirit crushing that a simple “good morning” can go a long way toward making you forget your circumstances for a moment.

We all make mistakes, but every new day of freedom is a victory.

I don’t always know what motherhood looks like, but I do know that I don’t ever want my child to feel the way I did. GG was able to lure me into a nightmare simply by offering me ice cream; I make sure I always have plenty of ice cream at home. When telling my story, I sometimes try to explain my mother’s parenting of me in terms of a glass of water: Her water was dirty. She didn’t have clean water to give me. It is my duty now to make sure the water I give Summer is always clean.

[vanessa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Oof, a hard read if I’ve ever read one. The first fourth of the book where Kruzan details how she was groomed for sex trafficking from age 11-13 will keep you up at night. The book is sparse and quick as it details her early life, her 18 years in prison, and her release in less than 300 pages. I felt there was a lot more to unpack. Kruzan believes in restorative justice, which is its own can of worms, but I do feel she went on a serious healing journey and is doing great work on the outside. It’s incredible how many adults failed her and how much hope she still has.

[Traci Thomas · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked this book and think it started off really really strong. The book fizzeled out for me a bit toward the end as she wrapped up her story, it felt like a forced happy ending that seemed more like a marketing choice than an artistic one. I also struggled with the pro-prison perspective the author shared. It was a little unsettling.

[Jane L. Rosen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I picked up this book and read it in one sitting. This is an incredible true story that describes how sex trafficking happens — on our own American streets — through the eyes of a trafficked child. You see how vulnerable a bright little girl from Riverside, California, with a difficult home life, was to a little attention from a smooth-talking neighbor who offered her ice cream, token gifts, and charming words. By treating her gently he drew her into his web and, at 13, had her working for him on the streets as a "return on his investment." You see how she was failed along the way by teachers, doctors, social workers, and anyone who had the power to grasp what was happening to this child and rescue her.
Sara's story, which includes her shooting her trafficker at 16 and being sentenced to life without parole (plus four years!) for a crime she committed as a juvenile, makes for transformative reading. Somehow, she retains hope and achieves justice and parole. She turns cartwheels. She has a baby. She turns legal advocate. Just the other day, she received a full pardon from the California governor.
I'm in awe. Everyone should support Sara and read her story.

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was really tough to read at times. It’s brutal and descriptive and I had to put it down a few times while reading. It made me angry and sad.

This book was also a stunning reveal of self-forgiveness, forgiveness of others, healing, and courage. No matter what she has been through, Sara Kruzan has demonstrated a perseverance that you don’t often see in people, much less those who have been through as much as she has.

Her memoir is based on subjective experiences that really speak to how messed up the penal system can be and how lower socioeconomic status neighborhoods intersect with race, gender, trauma, and childhood experiences. This is a memoir that is dark and disturbing while finding space to be inspiring and that is its beauty.

[ʙᴏᴏᴋ ʟᴜɴᴀᴛɪᴄ (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.) · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 ✨


~By the end of this book, I found myself grieving for Sara and every child who was sex trafficked.

~A story of angst, hope, and survival—indeed, she cried to live and dream again.

~Sara's acknowledgment of her past mistakes, her strength in clarifying that she doesn't blame her mother for her crime, and her coming to terms with her trauma and one of her abusers was incredibly powerful.

~Her pain and suffering forged a strong, fighting woman and a loving mother who's ready to give her daughter everything she once hoped for and was denied as a child.

~Through her suffering and resilience, she became the voice of many trafficked children and teenagers.

"𝙄 𝙙𝙤𝙣’𝙩 𝙖𝙡𝙬𝙖𝙮𝙨 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙢𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙝𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙡𝙤𝙤𝙠𝙨 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚, 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙄 𝙙𝙤 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙄 𝙙𝙤𝙣’𝙩 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙢𝙮 𝙘𝙝𝙞𝙡𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙖𝙮 𝙄 𝙙𝙞𝙙. 𝙂𝙂 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙖𝙗𝙡𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙡𝙪𝙧𝙚 𝙢𝙚 𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙤 𝙖 𝙣𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙨𝙞𝙢𝙥𝙡𝙮 𝙗𝙮 𝙤𝙛𝙛𝙚𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙢𝙚 𝙞𝙘𝙚 𝙘𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙢; 𝙄 𝙢𝙖𝙠𝙚 𝙨𝙪𝙧𝙚 𝙄 𝙖𝙡𝙬𝙖𝙮𝙨 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙥𝙡𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙮 𝙤𝙛 𝙞𝙘𝙚 𝙘𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙢 𝙖𝙩 𝙝𝙤𝙢𝙚. 𝙒𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙩𝙚𝙡𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙢𝙮 𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙧𝙮, 𝙄 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚𝙨 𝙩𝙧𝙮 𝙩𝙤 𝙚𝙭𝙥𝙡𝙖𝙞𝙣 𝙢𝙮 𝙢𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧’𝙨 𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙤𝙛 𝙢𝙚 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙚����𝙢𝙨 𝙤𝙛 𝙖 𝙜𝙡𝙖𝙨𝙨 𝙤𝙛 𝙬𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙧: 𝙃𝙚𝙧 𝙬𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙙𝙞𝙧𝙩𝙮. 𝙎𝙝𝙚 𝙙𝙞𝙙𝙣’𝙩 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙘𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙣 𝙬𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙤 𝙜𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙢𝙚. 𝙄𝙩 𝙞𝙨 𝙢𝙮 𝙙𝙪𝙩𝙮 𝙣𝙤𝙬 𝙩𝙤 𝙢𝙖𝙠𝙚 𝙨𝙪𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙄 𝙜𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙎𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙚𝙧 𝙞𝙨 𝙖𝙡𝙬𝙖𝙮𝙨 𝙘𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙣."

“𝙎𝙖𝙧𝙖’𝙨 𝙇𝙖𝙬-𝙃𝘽 3135 𝙞𝙨 𝙖 𝙡𝙖𝙬 𝙙𝙚𝙨𝙞𝙜𝙣𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙩𝙚𝙘𝙩 𝙘𝙝𝙞𝙡𝙙 𝙨𝙚𝙭 𝙖𝙗𝙪𝙨𝙚, 𝙧𝙖𝙥𝙚, 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙨𝙚𝙭-𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙛𝙛𝙞𝙘𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙫𝙞𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙨 𝙬𝙝𝙤 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙢𝙞𝙩 𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙨 𝙤𝙛 𝙫𝙞𝙤𝙡𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙚 𝙤𝙧 𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙘𝙧𝙞𝙢𝙚𝙨 𝙖𝙜𝙖𝙞𝙣𝙨𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙚𝙤𝙥𝙡𝙚 𝙬𝙝𝙤 𝙖𝙗𝙪𝙨𝙚𝙙, 𝙧𝙖𝙥𝙚𝙙, 𝙤𝙧 𝙚𝙭𝙥𝙡𝙤𝙞𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙢. 𝙄𝙩 𝙖𝙪𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙯𝙚𝙨 𝙟𝙪𝙙𝙜𝙚𝙨 𝙩𝙤 𝙙𝙚𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙩 𝙛𝙧𝙤𝙢 𝙖𝙣𝙮 𝙢𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙖𝙩𝙤𝙧𝙮 𝙨𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙚, 𝙨𝙪𝙨𝙥𝙚𝙣𝙙 𝙖𝙣𝙮 𝙨𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙚, 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙣𝙨𝙛𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙘𝙝𝙞𝙡𝙙 𝙫𝙞𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙢 𝙗𝙖𝙘𝙠 𝙩𝙤 𝙟𝙪𝙫𝙚𝙣𝙞𝙡𝙚 𝙤𝙧 𝙛𝙖𝙢𝙞𝙡𝙮 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙩 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙥𝙚𝙧 𝙖𝙙𝙟𝙪𝙙𝙞𝙘𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙩𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩 𝙨𝙚𝙧𝙫𝙞𝙘𝙚𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚.”

"𝗜 𝗮𝗺 𝗳𝗿𝗲𝗾𝘂𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗹𝘆 𝗮𝘀𝗸𝗲𝗱 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝘀 𝗚𝗚 𝗹𝗮𝗶𝗱 𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗽 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗺𝗲. 𝗜 𝗻𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗼 𝗮𝗻𝘀𝘄𝗲𝗿 𝗯𝗲𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝗜 𝗱𝗶𝗱𝗻’𝘁 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗱𝗼𝗶𝗻𝗴. 𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗲𝗹𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗻, 𝘁𝘄𝗲𝗹𝘃𝗲, 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗿𝘁𝗲𝗲𝗻. 𝗪𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂’𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗴, 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗹𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗯𝗲𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗯𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗹𝘆 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝘆𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝗹𝗼𝗼𝗸 𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝗼𝗻. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲𝗻’𝘁 𝘆𝗲𝘁 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗲𝗱 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗼 𝗻𝗮𝘃𝗶𝗴𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗽𝗹𝗲𝘅 𝘀𝗶𝘁𝘂𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗱𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗼 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝗻 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝘂𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗲. 𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝗮 𝗱𝗮𝗿𝗸 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝗰𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝗺𝘆 𝘂𝗻𝘀𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗱𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗚𝗚 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗠𝗼𝗺. "

"𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺 𝘁𝗼 𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗶𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗜 𝗴𝗿𝗲𝘄 𝘂𝗽 𝘀𝘂𝗿𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗱 𝗯𝘆 𝗽𝗲𝗼𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝘄𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝘃𝗶𝗼𝗹𝗲𝗻𝘁, 𝘀𝗰𝗮𝗿𝘆, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗼𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴, 𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗱 𝘀𝘄𝗮𝘆 𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗺𝗲. 𝗔𝘀 𝗮 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱 𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝗳𝗲𝗹𝘁 𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗽𝗹𝗲𝘀𝘀, 𝗶𝗻𝘃𝗶𝘀𝗶𝗯𝗹𝗲, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘂𝗻𝘄𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗵𝘆, 𝗜 𝗵𝗮𝗱 𝗻𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗽𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿. 𝗪𝗵𝗶𝗰𝗵 𝗶𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗮𝘆 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗜 𝗱𝗶𝗱 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝘄𝗿𝗼𝗻𝗴; 𝗜 𝘀𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗹𝘆 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘀𝘂𝗽𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗼𝗿 𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗿𝗮𝗴𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗺𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗶𝗰𝗲𝘀. 𝗜 𝗮𝗹𝘀𝗼 𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗼𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗺𝘂𝗿𝗱𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗚𝗚 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗶𝗻𝗲𝘅𝗰𝘂𝘀𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲. 𝗜𝗻 𝗯𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗳, 𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗿𝘁𝘆-𝗳𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝘆𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘀 𝗼𝗹𝗱 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗜 𝗵𝗮𝗱 𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗮 𝗹𝗼𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝗲𝘅𝗮𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗺𝘆 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲. 𝗜 𝗸𝗻𝗲𝘄 𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝘀, 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗵𝗮𝗱 𝗵𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗲𝗻𝗲𝗱, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘄𝗵𝘆."

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

Incredible narrative about the cycle of abuse, and one woman’s journey to grapple with her trauma. Sara’s detailed account of abuse and manipulation as a child was horrific.

However, what frustrated me most was the lack of perspective from folks at all levels of the “justice” system. Her judge, lawyers and prison authorities failed her, which made her personal victory over a LWOP sentence and advocacy for others so moving.

I loved how she detailed the small and large ways that people came through for her - including former inmates and her team of advocates. I hope we can all see ourselves in those people - with empathy and compassion, especially toward folks who’ve faced what might seem unfathomable.

The ending was also unsettling, but showed Sara’s growth as an agent of her own healing. As soon as she planned to meet with her former abuser, I predicted his “excuse” (his own abuse as a child)… Yikes. Props to her for giving him a chance at redemption.

[Fiore · Rating 5 out of 5]

Both a difficult and extremely fast read. Once I picked it up I was compelled to blitz through it to reach the conclusion of Kruzan's written words. No details are spared in tracing the failings of adults in her life to the failings of the very system designed to protect people.

One of the parts which stuck with me the most is how she distanced herself from the most difficult of moments as they were happening in order to survive. And how that continued on as she stood on trial and had none of the tools with which she could champion her own cause. The progression of that to finding a voice and facing both the system and people of her past speak so much of what was necessary for her healing.

[Pat Spencer · Rating 5 out of 5]

I highly recommend this memoir. Sara Kruzan is to be applauded for her bravery and honesty in telling her story. She explains so many misconceptions about human trafficking and the horrible state of society, the abuse of girls, resulting in many women being forced into prostitution. I suspect more women than men will read this memoir, which is a crying shame. It is an important book to be read by men of all ages, police officers, lawyers, and especially prosecutors, and judges. Pat Spencer, author, Story of a Stolen Girl

[Katie Bananas]

This memoir started out amazingly strong and continued so until her release, when she married the bastard. That did it for me; it showed that I wasted my time reading about someone who is incredibly naïve to marry someone and continue with them especially when she felt a change on his behalf. She was clueless about marrying a convert who would eventually treat her the same as her murderer. Although the book is brilliant, and her involvement in improving the law is very evident, I don’t think I can rate it based on her stupidity.

[Abbey Warman · Rating 5 out of 5]

There’s so much I could say about this book, but nothing would really do it justice.
This book was a journey. Not a pleasant one at all, but once I finished I felt like I could breathe again. You go along with the person on their journey and it’s like you can feel everything they can because of how it’s written. But this is not a journey anyone would want, nor one that should be possible. But I was in awe of her the entire time as she depicted every piece of trauma she went through.
I was also sobbing throughout the whole book, so overall it was fantastic.

[Jan Tisdale · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sara tells her disturbing story of being abused , groomed and trafficked for sex from age 11 to 16 who killed her trafficker and father figure and sentenced to life in prison without parole.

“ not only was she sexually abused by many others at even a younger age, her mom abused her also, mentally and physically.
This story made me so angry at the judge and so many others and what a fighter she was and never gave up. It also gives the reader an idea what it’s like for many women who are in the sex trade.
Book was easy reading.

[The.Saved.Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well written memoir. Horrific story of a little girl being trafficked, the murder of her trafficker and the subsequent conviction for the murder of said trafficker. It will make you sad, but it may also make you more aware of trafficking happening around you. Certainly worth your time….just be prepared to be disturbed.

[Cooper T-G · Rating 5 out of 5]

This might be the most powerful book I will read this year and maybe for a long time. Just wow. No words can really cover the scope of what this book brings to the table. I am so grateful to have read it though, and encourage anyone reading this to do so as well.

[Jeanne]

Humans can be so blinded by money

[Ann (Inky Labyrinth) · Rating 4 out of 5]

A raw, brutal, and touching account of Sara Kruzan's life. An important read that provides invaluable insight into the unjustness of our justice system, and the power people have to change it.

[Katie Mowry · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow

[Kendall · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a beautifully written book that hit on so many intersections for me in my career path/ professional life. I cried multiple times while reading and am inspired and moved by Sara’s journey. (I first heard about this book listening to one of my favorite podcasts, Ear Hustle.) She is a talented storyteller and highly recommend the episode she’s on “Dirty Water.” Keep up the good fight Sara!

[Po Po · Rating 3 out of 5]

An extremely stressful and traumatic read. The justice system is racist and broken.

[Natasha Diaz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Heartbreaking as it is riveting, I Cried to Dream Again is an important, timely, and brilliant book about learning to find yourself on the other side of immense trauma. Highly recommend.

[Mediaman · Rating 2 out of 5]

Mixed feelings about this poorly-told story of an underage girl who kills a man that had been sexually pimping her out. It's certainly not a simple case of a victim righteously ending the life of someone that was abusing her. Instead it's about a young woman brought up by a horrible mother, who gave her daughter over to men that sexualized her, and then the teen continues to freely make bad choices.

Kruzan is guilty of many things in this simplistic book that isn't written well. Her main mistake appears to be doing what her mother says. The real criminal here isn't the older man that became her pimp (who Sara freely chose to follow starting at age 11 until she killed him at age 16), but is her mother, whose drug abuse, sex with strangers, and drinking was mirrored by the young girl. Shockingly the author doesn't hold her mother accountable, even after the girl served 19 years in prison!

The major point that most seem to be missing is that Sara was never forced to do anything (other than one case of rape by a neighborhood gang long after she had started to willingly have sex with men). Obviously at age 11 her discernment was not developed and she got caught up into following bad people; but what do you say when she's 16 and still freely goes to her pimp employer's house to spend the night, willingly has sex with a dozen men in an evening to earn money? She could have stopped or said no at any point or gone to police, but she chose not to because of her horrible home life with an abusive mother.

The problem is that some will argue that anyone under 18 can't freely give their consent for a sexual relationship with an adult, that any adult sexual enticement and flirting with someone underage is immoral. Then what do you do with the gay community that's filled with over-18 men having sex with under-18 boys? Or the normal high school world where a 18-year-old senior has sex with a 17-year-old senior or younger? It's just not that easy. And when you think you can call someone an "abuser," how do you deal with the fact that the "victim" freely gave herself for sex then later tries to claim it was abuse? People need to be held accountable for their choices and poor communication on both sides, just as she was held accountable as an adult at age 16 for murdering a man.

Once she is out of prison Kruzan continues to make bad decisions, has sex with a stranger, gets married and pregnant then dumps him quickly before the daughter is born, and struggles to really make good choices. But she does head back to make peace with her mother and the original male "mentor" her mom stuck her with who had sex with her at age 12, forgiving both instead of turning them in for prosecution so that they could take responsibility for their actions. An odd ending where she wants to make a point about forgiveness but instead sounds naive and contradicting the book's idea of holding an abuser accountable.

There are many lessons that could be drawn from this life story but the writer (and "screenwriter" co-author) fail to include any beyond the idea that it's unfair to sentence a 16-year-old to life in prison for murdering a man who abused her, even if it wasn't justified and was a cold-blooded attempt to steal his money. The attempt to turn her story into some type of political advocacy doesn't seem justified since she didn't kill a man in the middle of actually being abused so it wasn't self-defense.

There's also nothing really inspirational about this book other than she survived almost two decades of prison, but there aren't enough interesting stories her of her time behind bars and she skips entire sets of years. There are a couple odd undeserving positive sections about Muslims--the man who talked her into committing the murder then denied it ends up becoming a Muslim after being put in prison for raping and killing a woman in front of her children. He gets a shout out for writing a letter of support for her 15 years after she was thrown in jail. Then when Sara gets out of prison the guy she married insisted on her becoming a submissive Muslim woman totally covered up, which he had never mentioned when courting her in prison visits. She goes along with him until dumping him three months after they get married. Heck, she even seems to praise the bad teen Johnny she fell in love with who sold her out and eventually was one of the reasons she was convicted. This woman is very confused and falls for any guy she comes across, then lets him go for his mistreatment. It's a bad pattern she needs serious help with and sends the wrong message.

There are some heroes that stand up for her truly unjust life sentence without parole, but the one who seems to be the key to her being set free is Arnold Schwarzenegger, who changed her sentence so she could have the chance to get out. Of course the liberal-minded authors don't give much credit to the Republican governor. The whole book is poorly structured, lacks suspense, and doesn't get to the heart of some of the serious issues so that others can be truly helped by this sad story.

[Valissa · Rating 2 out of 5]

Hard to read, and hard to rate.
Her story is phenomenally awful, her voice still so hopeful.

[Sylvia · Rating 5 out of 5]

this is not in the literary masterpiece genre of memoir, but it is in the category of stories deserve very much to be told (and it is very well told). it’s a great case study in how people fall through the (gaping, enormous, gigantorific) cracks in both the justice system and society at large. the multitudes of abuse that primed her to be groomed and eventually trafficked are made radically visible, as is her path out of prison/abuse/etc very tangible.

this story has just an awful confluence of tragedy that is hard to swallow. the SA she experienced started at 11yo, and the abuse even earlier. the justice system was not just neglectful but actively victimizing her at every turn. and obv you know her story is probably the status quo so that’s horrifically depressing.

but she also describes support from people all over—neighbors, teachers, civil rights activists, fellow incarcerated or formerly incarcerated women, members of the criminal justice system, and even the people who steered her towards the murder in the first place. being made visible to them, even in extremely minor ways, paved her path of survival.

were it not for a few people who cared very deeply, advertised her story to gain vastly widespread support, and agitated relentlessly, sara kruzan would die in prison. she would not have a daughter, nor would she have had the financial and social support to successfully transition out of the prison system. she also wouldn’t have gone on to be an advocate for the rights of trafficked and incarcerated women and have a reform law named after her.

at one point, she recalls this really awesome detail at her parole board hearing. she does a great job explaining the partiality, stress, and oftentimes cruelty of parole hearings. the vast majority of people are not heard or heard well at these hearings. but sara was, and she pinpoints the preconceptions and attitudes that authorities enter these hearings with in small visible behaviors. at her hearing, the microphone was just out of reach, leaving her in an awkward lean to speak into it. the commissioner, noticing this, got up to push the microphone closer to her. in a moment of extreme intimidation, where her freedom depended on how she might be heard, this gesture proved respect and real listening that is often not extended to incarcerated people. this example is one of the most minor stories of comfort in this book, but it demonstrates the scope of support required enact justice.

obviously, the justice system needs a revolution, but this book really speaks to the work that goes into prison abolition. change is made in everyday efforts to extend justice, mutual aid, and care.

sara kruzan also has an insane vision of personal justice and forgiveness that we could only aspire to. that coda chapter. woof. even without the shitstorm that is the American justice system, the path of healing and rehabilitative justice is a hard one to walk. that amount of mercy and endurance, without being cloying or grotesque, is an improbable feat.

also the cover of this book is gorgeous. so.

[Victoria Cox · Rating 4 out of 5]

I gave this book four stars because although I disagree with Sara’s opinion and execution of forgiveness and empathy, it is hers. The book does feel as if it was pushed towards a positive ending but I can understand this book is designed to foster hope and understanding. Ending it on a dark or even pessimistic note would defeat what I believe the author was trying to convey.

People come to peace in different ways and sometimes that includes forgiveness and feeling the need to forgive to move on and let go of anger. The author explains how she forgave multiple abusers over time and attempts to get the reader to empathize with the circumstances her abusers came from. There is a difference between understanding how a predator becomes a predator and analyzing a cycle of pain and abuse vs. empathizing with it, saying it is forgiven and slapping a smile on it. The truth is Sara’s abusers, with the exception of the one she killed, continued to abuse people long after her. And the author feeds the forgiveness piece. No thank you.

It is one thing to disconnect yourself from your abuser in order to move forward. It’s a completely different thing to invite your abuser into your life hold their hand while they tell you why they raped you over and over then leave it with a smile. Statistics are pretty clear when it comes to child molesters and pedophiles and their high rate of reoffending. And to what end do we offer this forgiveness. We let predators roam free because they too were victimized although they are adults raping children and are not likely to stop even with the attempt of rehabilitation? To what end?

There are millions of sexual assault victims on the streets that do not go out sexually assault other people. Abuse or not, predators should not just get an “I forgive you” and a smile. We are to protect the innocent. While I understand how the predator became the predator and how it is awful, I could not give a damn about them being incarcerated if it protects the children of our communities. Only a higher power can grant that kind of forgiveness.